The Sun-Herald

The Who We Are update: Ten will be two

To learn whether Australians are losing interest in television, go to The Tribal Mind.
To determine what is Australia's National Snack, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Saturday
If you'll pardon what may look like another attempt at Jacksploitation, the ratings race this week is a Thriller. With one nights to go, the prime time audience shares stand thus: Seven 28.3 per cent, Nine 25.5, Ten 25.3, ABC 15.7, SBS 5.2. Ten will pick up a bit tonight with its AFL. Better watch this space Sunday morning.

What Australia watched, Friday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,565,000 410,000 422,000 334,000 162,000 237,000
2 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 1,434,000 448,000 445,000 216,000 146,000 179,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,413,000 375,000 379,000 313,000 141,000 205,000
4 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,245,000 356,000 375,000 204,000 171,000 139,000
5 NINE NEWS Nine 1,207,000 327,000 418,000 216,000 126,000 120,000
6 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,085,000 312,000 355,000 232,000 101,000 86,000
7 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,044,000 291,000 292,000 194,000 141,000 126,000
8 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 978,000 247,000 287,000 198,000 106,000 140,000
9 TWO AND A HALF MEN -RPT Nine 902,000 253,000 286,000 189,000 77,000 97,000
10 ABC NEWS ABC1 892,000 243,000 261,000 185,000 99,000 103,000
11 TRIAL AND RETRIBUTION: CONVICTION ABC1 847,000 233,000 242,000 146,000 103,000 123,000
13 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 14: COLLINGWOOD VS ESSENDON Seven 804,000 15,000 531,000 13,000 128,000 117,000
14 DEAL OR NO DEAL Seven 794,000 231,000 234,000 150,000 96,000 82,000
16 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Ten 741,000 251,000 190,000 120,000 82,000 98,000
17 NINE'S LIVE FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 736,000 419,000 317,000
19 HOT SEAT Nine 711,000 197,000 219,000 151,000 78,000 65,000
27 SEVEN NEWS AT 4.30 Seven 448,000 149,000 114,000 83,000 56,000 45,000
28 NINE'S FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 444,000 270,000 174,000
37 WIMBLEDON D11 Nine 330,000 112,000 95,000 63,000 37,000 22,000
40 THE HOLLOWMEN RPT ABC1 308,000 97,000 82,000 54,000 28,000 47,000
46 THIS AFTERNOON Nine 284,000 100,000 92,000 45,000 26,000 20,000
92 SPICKS AND SPECKS RPT ABC1 129,000 51,000 27,000 34,000 11,000 7,000
97 NEW IDEA TV Seven 119,000 56,000 18,000 31,000 7,000 8,000
141 POKER ONE 48,000 7,000 17,000 12,000 6,000 6,000

• by David Dale at 09:56 AM
• Comments (38)

WHO WE ARE: The music Australia loved

For the latest media trends, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare/.

Lists of top selling albums and most successful performers, prepared by David Dale and last updated June 30, 2009.

The top selling albums of the CD era
1. Whispering Jack (John Farnham)
2. Come On Over (Shania Twain)
3. Jagged Little Pill (Alanis Morissette)
4. Innocent Eyes (Delta Goodrem)
5. Music Box (Mariah Carey)
6. Savage Garden (Savage Garden)
7. Falling Into You (Celine Dion)
8. Recurring Dream (Crowded House)
9. Abba Gold (Abba)
10. Immaculate Collection (Madonna)
11. Age of Reason (John Farnham)
12. The Very Best of (The Eagles)
13. Don't Ask (Tina Arena)
14. Remasters (Led Zeppelin)
15. 1 (The Beatles) 2000
16. The Sound of White (Missy Higgins)
17. Soul Deep (Jimmy Barnes)
18. Forgiven Not Forgotten (The Corrs)
19. Come Away With Me (Norah Jones)
20. Back to Bedlam (James Blunt)
21 I'm Not Dead (Pink)
22 Yourself or Someone Like You (Matchbox 20)
23 Forrest Gump (Soundtrack)
To read and discuss the complete charts, go to The culture

• by David Dale at 10:50 PM
• Comments (39)

WHO WE ARE: The TV shows Australia loved

This contains charts of the most watched programs of the 20th and 21st centuries, prepared by David Dale and based on data from OzTAM and ACNielsen. Last updated May 30, 2009. For the latest media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare

Most watched so far in 2009: Underbelly: A Tale of Two Cities (9) 2.58m; Tennis: Australian Open, Dokic last game (7) 2.32m; State of Origin Game 1 (9) 2.32m; Tennis: Aus Open Men's Final (7) 2.24m; Cricket: Twenty/20 Aus v South Africa Game 2 (9) 2.12m; The Biggest Loser: Winner Announced (10) 2.10m; Cricket: Twenty/20 Aus v S. Africa Game 1 (9) 2.05m; Packed to the Rafters (7) 1.9m; Find My Family 1.8m.

Chart 1. The top shows since 2001
Based on OzTAM's audience estimates for the mainland capitals. Series figures are for the most watched episode of the year.
1 Tennis: Aus Open final - Hewitt v Safin 2005 (7) 4.04 million
2 Rugby World Cup final 2003 (7) 4.01 million
3 Commonwealth Games Opening Ceremony 2006 (9) 3.56m
4 AFL Grand Final 2005 (10) 3.39m
5 Australian Idol Final Verdict 2004 (10) 3.35m
6 Australian Idol final 2003 (10) 3.30 m
7 AFL Grand Final 2006 (10) 3.15m
8 The Block auction 2003 (9) 3.11 m
9 September 11 reportage, September 12, 2001 (9, 7, ABC) 3.10 m
10 Tennis: Wimbledon day 14 2001 (9) 3.04 m
11 AFL grand final 2003 (10) 2.96 m
12 Big Brother winner announced 2004 (10) 2.86m
13 Australian Idol Live from Opera House 2004 (10) 2.86 m
14 Beijing Olympics opening ceremony 2008 (7) 2.82m
To read and discuss the complete charts, go to The culture

• by David Dale at 01:50 PM
• Comments (18)

WHO WE ARE: The films Australia loved

List of the 150 highest-grossing movies of all time, and list of the 65 movies seen by the greatest number of Australians, prepared by David Dale from data provided by the Motion Picture Distributors Association of Australia. Last updated June 20, 2009.

For the latest media trends, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare

Top flicks so far in 2009: Twilight $21.6m; Monsters Vs Aliens $20.5m; Slumdog Millionaire $20.2m; Wolverine $18.5m; Angels and Demons $18m; Gran Torino $17m; Fast and Furious $17m; Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen $16.5m; Star Trek $16m; Night At The Museum 2 $16m; Bedtime Stories $15.7m; He's Just Not That Into You $14.6m; Terminator Salvation $14m; Yes Man $13.5m; 17 Again $12.5m; Bride Wars $11.5 m; Bolt $11.5m; Samson and Delilah $2.5m.

Chart 1: The Australian box office
1. Titanic (1997) $58 million
2. Shrek 2 (2004) $50m
3. The Return of the King (2003) $49m
4. Crocodile Dundee (1986) $48m
5. Fellowship of the Ring (2001) $47m
6. The Two Towers (2002) $46m
7. The Dark Knight (2008) $46m
8. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (2001) $42m
9. Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace (1999) $39m
10. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006) $38 m
11. Finding Nemo (2003) $37m
12. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) $37m
13. Australia (2008) $37m (US$50m, world $US205m)
14. Babe (1995) $37m
15. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) $36m
To read and discuss the complete charts, go to The culture

• by David Dale at 03:50 AM
• Comments (17)

WHO WE ARE: The DVDs Australia loved

For the latest media trends, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
List of most most purchased DVDs since 1998, prepared by David Dale, using data from GFK Australia. Last updated June 20, 2009.

Top selling DVDs of all time
1. Finding Nemo (2004)
2 Fellowship of the Ring (2002)
3 Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2003)
4 The Two Towers (2003)
5 Monsters Inc (2002)
6 Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2006)
7 Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
8 Return of the King (2004)
9 Mamma Mia! ((2008, had sold 460,000 at 5/2/09)
10 Pirates of the Caribbean (2004)
11 Shrek 2 (2004)
12 Dirty Dancing (2000)
13 The Notebook (2005)
14 Pirates 2: Dead Man's Chest (2006)
15 The Matrix (1999)
16 The Dark Knight (2008)
17 The Fast and the Furious (2002)
18 Gladiator (2000)
19 Cars (2006)
20 The Incredibles (2005)
21 Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (2002)
To read and discuss the complete charts, go to The culture

• by David Dale at 02:10 AM
• Comments (6)

WHO WE ARE: From impulse to mouth

To learn why MasterChef is bad news for Malcolm Turnbull, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun Herald, 29/6/2009
Recent pronouncements by the prime minister about the shaking of sauce bottles, and the decision by the Kraft company to market a new version of Vegemite with cream cheese stirred through, compelled this column to re-examine a key question of identity: what are Australia's national foodstuffs?

We established years ago that the national dish is spaghetti bolognese, in the sense of the meal cooked most often for family dinner. That's barely the beginning. The research company ACNielsen has just published The 2009 Nielsen Convenience and Impulse Report, which, combined with earlier data on supermarket habits, lets us look deeply into the mouths of Australians.

The national breakfast. We start the day with Weet Bix or Kellogg's Nutri-Grain, onto which we pour Paul's milk or Pura milk. Then we smear Vegemite on Tip Top and wash it down with Nescafe Blend 43.

The national snack. Nielsen reports that in 2008 Australians spent $2.7 billion in "the convenience channel" - mainly shops attached to petrol stations. "Over two thirds (66 per cent) of Aussie consumers claim to buy lollies in convenience stores, while 59 per cent buy chocolate," says the report. "Almost one in three Aussies claim to have purchased an item from a convenience store on their last visit to a petrol station."

Here's what Nielsen says we mostly grab on the way back to the car: Mars bars; Extra spearmint gum; Snickers; Coca Cola; V Guarana; Red Bull Energy Drink; Streets Golden Gaytime, Streets Magnum; Peters Maxibon; R/Rock Potato chips; Cheese Twisties; Smith's Crinkles; Icebreak Iced Coffee; Arnott's Tim Tams; Arnott's Shapes.

You get an inkling of who does most of this impulse buying from the fact that the top two publications bought at convenience stores are Zoo Weekly and Picture, which specialise in photos of buxom women.

The national lunch. Boringly, this is likely to be a sandwich, stuffed with Primo ham or devon and a slice of Bega cheese. A bold minority buy hot chips. Every Australian eats 63 kilograms of potatoes a year.

The national smoke. Only 20 per cent of Australians are regular smokers (but the figure is 33 per cent if you're talking about males aged between 25 and 34). Nielsen reports that Australians spend $750 million a year at the supermarket on Winfield cigarettes and also on Longbeach, and more than $500 million on Peter Jackson and on Horizon. In convenience stores, the top sellers are Winfield Blue and Peter Jackson Rich.

The national sauce. I could find no reference to tomato sauce among Nielsen's top 100 selling brands, which might support the complaint that Kevin Rudd's "Fair shake of the sauce bottle" was an outdated image. But on the website of the Japanese-owned food company Cerebos, we learn: "Fountain Tomato sauce is found in more kitchens, cupboards and fridges than any other sauce brand -- and Aussie households consume an impressive 6.8 million litres of Fountain Tomato sauce each year." Since Fountain claims to have 22.7 per cent of the market, we may conclude that Australians consume 30 million litres of the red stuff a year, or 1.4 litres per person.

The national dinner. As we noted, it's spag bol, usually made with San Remo pasta and Leggo tomato paste. Slightly less often it's Old El Paso Mexican. If we have a steak, it's served with McCain frozen peas.

And once a week the average household orders out. For the title of Australia's favourite takeaway, it's a battle between pizza, fried rice, Pad Thai noodles, and butter chicken. Further research is clearly required. It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.

Go to Comments to discuss what you think are the national dishes of Australia.

• by David Dale at 06:02 AM
• Comments (15)

The Who We Are update: Week 26

To learn why MasterChef is bad news for Malcolm Turnbull, go to The Tribal Mind.
To determine what is Australia's National Snack, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 11 am Monday
Seven will think twice before devoting a night to rugby union again. As of Saturday morning, the three networks were neck and neck in audience share for the week. As of Sunday morning, Seven found itself in the rare position of coming third. Here's how the week worked out: Nine 26.3 per cent of the prime time audience, Ten 25.8 per cent, Seven 25.5, ABC 17.6, SBS 4.8. If NIne had not had the State of Origin on Wednesday, it would have come third -- a bad omen for this week.

Here's Pay TV's account of itself: "Subscription TV won its 21st week of 2009 and in doing so ensured it has had more viewers than any other network across the first half of 2009. Between 6am and midnight in week 26, STV channels accounted for 21.8% of all metropolitan viewing; 21.4% of all regional viewing and 56.9% of all viewing in subscription TV homes. In the year-to-date, this gave STV channels 59.4% of viewing in STV homes, 21.8% of all regional viewing and 23.2% of all metropolitan viewing (well ahead of the closest broadcast network with 21.7% of all viewing).

"Live: NRL Sharks v Broncos on FOX Sports topped the week for subscription TV with 293,000 viewers and 270,000 people watched Live: AFL Fremantle v Geelong, giving the network its second biggest audience for AFL this year. In other sport programs, the Wallabies/France test, Live: Rugby Union: Test Match had 177,000 viewers, Live: AFL: On the Couch had 105,000 viewers and 83,000 people watched Live: Tennis: Wimbledon: Day 4 on Thursday night (all on FOX Sports).

"Australia's Next Top Model on FOX8 was watched by 219,000 people; TV1'S Cash Trivia Challenge had a year-to-date best viewership of 104,000 people and Law & Order on W was watched by 90,000 viewers. The Crime & Investigation premiere of CIA: Murder of Innocence: Sian Kingi was watched by 88,000 people, Drake & Josh on Nickelodeon had a year-to-date biggest audience with 85,000 people, Nostradamus: 2012 premiered on History Channel with 83,000 viewers and Showbiz on Sky News had its best result of the year with 81,000 people."

What Australia watched, week ending 28/6/2009
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 STATE OF ORIGIN RUGBY LEAGUE NSW V QLD 2ND - MATCH Nine 2,134,000 825,000 332,000 815,000 69,000 94,000
2 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,934,000 556,000 615,000 317,000 202,000 245,000
3 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,757,000 510,000 579,000 273,000 175,000 220,000
4 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 1,666,000 461,000 576,000 261,000 168,000 201,000
5 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,664,000 430,000 376,000 410,000 156,000 292,000
6 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,618,000 438,000 445,000 324,000 181,000 230,000
7 NCIS Ten 1,586,000 434,000 451,000 290,000 196,000 214,000
8 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,575,000 485,000 524,000 298,000 184,000 84,000
9 THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE Seven 1,483,000 405,000 424,000 287,000 168,000 199,000
10 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,471,000 416,000 429,000 343,000 112,000 171,000
11 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,428,000 393,000 389,000 293,000 151,000 203,000
12 RECRUITS Ten 1,364,000 403,000 415,000 231,000 132,000 184,000
13 SUNDAY NIGHT Seven 1,351,000 402,000 341,000 306,000 120,000 181,000
14 THE ZOO Seven 1,341,000 431,000 352,000 264,000 121,000 172,000
15 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,322,000 369,000 404,000 209,000 156,000 183,000
16 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,322,000 359,000 402,000 256,000 130,000 174,000
17 SEA PATROL Nine 1,314,000 388,000 367,000 251,000 141,000 167,000

• by David Dale at 04:55 PM
• Comments (78)

WHO WE ARE: Holly, holly, holly, oi, oi, oi

To discuss the Most Memorable Moments in Australian television, go to The Tribal Mind.
To learn what makes Australians sick, go to Wealthy and wise.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 14/6/2009
Americans are notorious for their ignorance of world geography. But it would seem that the screenwriters of Hollywood, whose careers depend on knowing what their audience can and cannot understand, have decided that Australia is now part of the cultural literacy of America. Consider this evidence:

1. In the season final of House last month, Jesse Spencer, the Melbourne-born actor who plays the surgeon Robert Chase, offered this vision of a tenth wedding anniversary to the girl he's going to marry: "Three kids -- they spend their summers in Melbourne and have annoying accents. It's disgusting how happy we are." Nobody felt any need to explain what or where Melbourne was.

2. In the trailer for a new drama series called The Deep End, Ben Lawson, the Brisbane-born actor who plays lawyer Liam Priory, says this when his colleagues enter his office and discover him in his underpants: "Don't you bloody knock? My office, mate. Sorry about the wedding tackle. I was just getting changed for court." Lawson's character was British in the pilot episode, but has been rewritten as an Australian-born Cambridge graduate.

3. In an episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles shown on Fox8 two weeks ago, Stephanie Jacobsen, the Hong Kong born and Sydney educated actress who plays future warrior Jesse Flores, told an American comrade that in Perth she had been eating rabbits. When he asks "Rabbits? I thought Australia was all wombats and wallabies and stuff", Jesse replies: "No. Some wacker brought them over in the 1800s and we've been overrun with them ever since. We tried everything to kill the things. In the 1950s we even introduced a virus to wipe them out. Ten years later Australia was up to its eyeballs in rabbits again."

Her short history of the rabbit plague served as a useful metaphor for the way human beings introduced robots to the earth and then lost control of them - which is the central theme of the Terminator series.

These three occurrences are not coincidence. They suggest that finally Hollywood has decided to let Australians be Australian.

Gone are the days when Perth-born Melissa George needed to sound American to be a spy in Alias, a patient in In Treatment and a bisexual intern in Grey's Anatomy; when Launceston-born Simon Baker had to adopt an American accent to become The Mentalist; when Brisbane-born Miranda Otto and Perth-born Frances O'Connor needed American accents to play lustful businesswomen in Cashmere Mafia; when Adelaide-born Anthony LaPaglia and Sydney-born Poppy Montgomery had to speak American to be cops in Without A Trace and when Rupert Murdoch's Melbourne-born niece Anna Torv had to speak American to be a cop in Fringe; and, going back much further, when the voices of American actors had to be dubbed over the Australian accents in the original Mad Max movie.

We must pay tribute to three pioneers who helped transform the prevailing attitude: Olivia Newton-John, whose Sandy in Grease (1978) was a highschooler who happened to be Australian; Heath Ledger, whose Patrick in Ten Things I Hate About You (1999) was a highschooler who happened to be Australian; and Geoffrey Rush, whose Donovan in Intolerable Cruelty (2003) was a soap opera producer who happened to be Australian.

There's a way to go yet. Can you think of any international movie in which Cate Blanchett, Hugo Weaving, Nicole Kidman, Eric Bana, Toni Colette, Russell Crowe, Abbie Cornish or Hugh Jackman were able to speak with their normal accents? From now on, they might.

Go to Comments to discuss other Australian pioneers.

• by David Dale at 03:28 AM
• Comments (55)

The Who We Are update: Week 25

To discuss URST (UnResolved Sexual Tension) in television, and how it gets burst, go to The Tribal Mind.
To learn how Hollywood finally discovered Australia, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 11am Monday
It couldn't last, of course. After Seven showed a pile of football on Friday night, Channel Ten had to relinquish its leadership in audience share. But its strong showing in the first three days of the week, mainly due to Masterchef, meant that the final prime time averages were: Seven 27.0 per cent of the audience, Ten 25.8 per cent, Nine 25.2, ABC 17.1, SBS 5.0.

Nine's only good news was a modest success for its new show Random Acts of Kindness. This week Nine will do better because of Wednesday's biffo, but for the whole ratings year, it's now a real race between Nine and Ten for second spot.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "378,000 fans saw the Socceroos defeat Japan 2-1 in FOX Sports' coverage of Live: Football: World Cup Qualifier Aust v Japan, the final game of the football World Cup qualifying series for the Australian team. On the previous night, Australia's Next Top Model on FOX8 drew a season record 235,000 people (327,000 people including the Plus2 audience).

"In other programming this week, 292,000 viewers watched Live: NRL Eels v Wests Tigers; 247,000 people saw Live: AFL Adelaide v North Melbourne and the Live: AFL Pre Game Show on Sunday afternoon had its best result for 2009 with 209,000 people (all on FOX Sports). Sky Race Day on Sky Racing on Saturday also had a year-to-date biggest audience with 84,000 viewers. NCIS on TV1 was watched by 121,000 people; Eastenders on UKTV had a year-to-date high of 98,000 viewers and 10,000 BC premiered on Movie One with 96,000 viewers. Hannah Montana on Disney Channel was watched by 85,000 people; Selling Houses Australia on Lifestyle was seen by 80,000 viewers and Man vs. Wild: Will Ferrell Special premiered on Discovery Channel with 77,000 viewers.

"In week 25, subscription TV was the number one source of television across Australia for the twentieth week of the year. Between 6am and midnight, STV channels accounted for 21.7% of all metropolitan viewing; 21.7% of all regional viewing and 57.6% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending June 20
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,962,000 535,000 679,000 292,000 227,000 230,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,791,000 434,000 445,000 446,000 210,000 256,000
3 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,702,000 513,000 576,000 228,000 156,000 229,000
4 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,625,000 520,000 533,000 301,000 161,000 110,000
5 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 1,619,000 480,000 524,000 258,000 164,000 193,000
6 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,618,000 450,000 444,000 312,000 185,000 228,000
7 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,590,000 420,000 498,000 290,000 162,000 221,000
8 NCIS Ten 1,559,000 408,000 451,000 295,000 196,000 208,000
9 THE ZOO Seven 1,487,000 445,000 430,000 266,000 154,000 193,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,461,000 404,000 407,000 295,000 149,000 205,000
11 60 MINUTES Nine 1,436,000 426,000 442,000 313,000 115,000 141,000
12 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,410,000 419,000 404,000 251,000 153,000 183,000
13 MERLIN Ten 1,395,000 416,000 367,000 287,000 129,000 196,000
14 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,377,000 426,000 387,000 216,000 175,000 174,000
15 RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS Nine 1,359,000 424,000 463,000 264,000 124,000 84,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 09:36 AM
• Comments (57)

The Who We Are update: Week 24

To discuss the Most Memorable Moments in Australian television, and whether The Chaser is one of them, go to The Tribal Mind.
To learn how Hollywood finally discovered Australia, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
At the moment, the commercial stations are closer in audience share than they have been in years. Thanks mainly to Masterchef, Channel Ten averaged 24.5 per cent of the prime time audience last week, while Nine got 25.5 and Seven got 27.6 (ABC 17.4, SBS 5.0). That's a portrait of how the year will proceed: Seven static, Nine continuing its slow decline, and Ten booming (but not quite enough to knock Nine off No. 2 spot).

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "In week 24, FOX Sports' coverage of Live: Football: World Cup Qualifier Aust v Bahrain helped STV become the number one source of television across Australia for the eleventh week in a row. STV channels accounted for 22.9% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, were 22.4% of all regional viewing and 59.3% of all viewing in subscription TV homes.

"The Socceroos match, which the Australian team won 2-0, was watched by 326,000 people on Wednesday night. In other sport, Live: NRL Titans v Dragons was seen by 315,000 people and Live: AFL West Coast v Geelong had 198,000 viewers. Live: Tennis: French Open Men's Final, in which Roger Federer finally achieved his goal of winning the clay court competition and matching Pete Sampras' open record, was watched by 132,000 people (all on FOX Sports).

"On Tuesday night on FOX8, Australia's Next Top Model had its best result of the current season with 234,000 viewers at 7.30pm while the new Joss Whedon show Dollhouse premiered at 8.30pm with 120,000 viewers. TV1's Cash Trivia Challenge achieved a year-to-date biggest audience with 96,000 people as did Eastenders on UKTV with 93,000 viewers and Cold Case on W with 89,000 viewers. Destroyed in Seconds on Discovery channel was watched by 74,000 people, Secret Millionaire on Lifestyle had an audience of 70,000 people and 67,000 subscribers saw Blue's Clues on Nick Jr."

What Australia watched, week ending June 14
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,767,000 482,000 467,000 376,000 177,000 265,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,690,000 488,000 446,000 332,000 184,000 241,000
3 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,647,000 465,000 552,000 254,000 165,000 210,000
4 NCIS RPT Ten 1,564,000 398,000 460,000 299,000 170,000 236,000
5 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,558,000 422,000 478,000 333,000 174,000 151,000
6 THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE Seven 1,531,000 430,000 500,000 295,000 137,000 170,000
7 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,482,000 406,000 404,000 306,000 164,000 201,000
8 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 1,474,000 427,000 485,000 223,000 168,000 171,000
9 THE ZOO Seven 1,470,000 445,000 440,000 265,000 153,000 168,000
10 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 1,447,000 461,000 435,000 244,000 142,000 164,000
11 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,427,000 381,000 470,000 205,000 165,000 206,000
12 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,407,000 392,000 492,000 229,000 165,000 129,000
13 RPA Nine 1,375,000 415,000 404,000 276,000 143,000 137,000
14 GETAWAY Nine 1,374,000 348,000 446,000 292,000 136,000 152,000
15 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,370,000 414,000 416,000 225,000 141,000 175,000
16 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,362,000 421,000 370,000 209,000 181,000 181,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 07:53 PM
• Comments (48)

The Who We Are update: Week 24

To learn how Australians are stimulating themselves this month, go to The Tribal Mind.
To learn what makes Australians sick, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
It's just as well The Chaser team decided to do their satire on sentimental fundraising on a night when their show was up against one of the biggest biffo events of the year. The State of Origin distracted 400,000 of the Chaser's most conservative fans and therefore saved them from being shocked and offended. When some of them tuned in to ABC2 for the repeat later in the week, to see what the fuss was about, they found the controversial item had been deleted.

The biffo gave Nine a narrow victory for the week, with 27.1 per cent of the prime time audience (Seven on 26.4, Ten on 24.5, ABC on 17.1, SBS on 4.8).

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "FOX Sports' coverage of Live: AFL Collingwood v Port Adelaide topped the week on subscription TV with 252,000 people watching last Sunday afternoon's Australian Rules match. In other sport, 237,000 viewers watched Live: NRL Rabbitohs v Raiders; 130,000 people watched the Rugby Union match between the Wallabies and the Barbarians in Live: Rugby Union: Test Match; 110,000 subscribers saw Live: Cricket: ICC World Twenty20 on Saturday night and Live: Tennis: French Open Day 11 drew 100,000 viewers (all on FOX Sports).

"This week, 211,000 people saw Laura Mitchell eliminated from Australia's Next Top Model on FOX8, leaving just six contestants in the current series of the show. 113,000 people watched Sunday night's episode of NCIS on TV1; 88,000 saw Law & Order on W; 88,000 also watched Eastenders on UKTV and 80,000 viewed Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney Channel. That '70s Show on 111HITS had a year-to-date best audience with 76,000 viewers; Grand Designs on Lifestyle drew 74,000 people and Stargate SG-1 on Sci Fi had its biggest audience of 2009 so far with 72,000 subscribers.

"Subscription TV was the number one source of television across all Australian homes in week 23. STV channels accounted for 22.6% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, was 21.6% of all regional viewing and 57.4% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending June 8
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 STATE OF ORIGIN RUGBY LEAGUE NSW V QLD 1ST - MATCH Nine 2,322,000 991,000 330,000 845,000 73,000 83,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,831,000 415,000 541,000 495,000 172,000 208,000
3 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,643,000 453,000 463,000 315,000 178,000 234,000
4 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,625,000 475,000 522,000 262,000 167,000 199,000
5 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,620,000 535,000 506,000 269,000 190,000 121,000
6 NCIS Ten 1,590,000 388,000 497,000 301,000 203,000 202,000
7 STATE OF ORIGIN RUGBY LEAGUE NSW V QLD 1ST - PRE MATCH Nine 1,590,000 627,000 302,000 596,000 65,000
8 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,568,000 493,000 511,000 226,000 180,000 159,000
9 THE ZOO Seven 1,472,000 397,000 438,000 295,000 176,000 166,000
10 SUNDAY NIGHT Seven 1,469,000 412,000 419,000 373,000 90,000 176,000
11 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,417,000 381,000 392,000 293,000 147,000 204,000
12 60 MINUTES Nine 1,417,000 393,000 434,000 337,000 140,000 113,000
13 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,391,000 398,000 446,000 254,000 146,000 148,000
14 BONES Seven 1,372,000 404,000 396,000 272,000 147,000 153,000
15 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,371,000 331,000 417,000 324,000 146,000 153,000
16 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 1,359,000 411,000 406,000 216,000 152,000 174,000
17 MERLIN Ten 1,338,000 437,000 359,000 212,000 161,000 169,000
18 NCIS RPT Ten 1,321,000 314,000 442,000 226,000 172,000 167,000
19 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,315,000 374,000 384,000 235,000 143,000 179,000
20 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 1,286,000 333,000 418,000 276,000 109,000 151,000
21 SEA PATROL Nine 1,279,000 393,000 334,000 235,000 138,000 179,000
22 GETAWAY Nine 1,261,000 368,000 380,000 248,000 123,000 141,000
23 NINE NEWS Nine 1,252,000 342,000 406,000 273,000 117,000 113,000
24 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,223,000 343,000 390,000 266,000 115,000 109,000
25 20 TO 1 Nine 1,223,000 343,000 359,000 210,000 144,000 168,000
26 STATE OF ORIGIN 1ST - POST MATCH Nine 1,205,000 582,000 624,000
27 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,199,000 363,000 389,000 184,000 135,000 127,000
28 GREY'S ANATOMY Seven 1,172,000 338,000 352,000 226,000 134,000 123,000
29 GHOST WHISPERER Seven 1,158,000 343,000 326,000 203,000 145,000 142,000
30 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS Nine 1,152,000 323,000 319,000 215,000 126,000 169,000
31 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 1,143,000 333,000 352,000 239,000 84,000 135,000
32 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,137,000 323,000 308,000 227,000 135,000 144,000
33 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 1,136,000 357,000 340,000 143,000 134,000 162,000
34 RECRUITS Ten 1,132,000 325,000 359,000 170,000 104,000 174,000
35 NEW TRICKS ABC1 1,130,000 297,000 332,000 213,000 132,000 156,000
36 THE CHASER'S WAR ON EVERYTHING ABC1 1,125,000 372,000 380,000 123,000 110,000 141,000
316 THE CHASER'S WAR ON EVERYTHING (the censored repeat) ABC2 137,000 54,000 31,000 27,000 9,000 15,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 09:05 AM
• Comments (53)

WHO WE ARE: Healthy, wealthy and wise, or none of the above

To learn why Generation Jones beats GenX and the Boomers, go to The Tribal Mind

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 31/5/2009
When you say to somebody "How are you?" you don't really want the reply to be anything more than "Fine, thanks". Unless you're the Australian Bureau of Statistics, which managed last year to persuade 22,000 Australians to sit still for an hour and confess the most intimate details about their aches and pains. The Bureau has just issued a report on the survey, which offers these more-disturbing-than-reassuring insights into our state of health:

1. At least we're not a nation of hypochondriacs. In fact, it would be truer to call us a nation in denial: 85 per cent say they are in excellent, very good or good health (up three points since 2001). At the same time, 77 per cent claim to have at least one long term medical problem, and 40 per cent have three or more problems, the most common of which are long or short sightedness (52 per cent); arthritis (15 per cent), hayfever and allergic runny nose (15 per cent), back troubles (14), deafness (10), asthma (10), and hypertension (9).

2. We love our little pills. While only 13 per cent of adults say they have "high or very high psychological distress", 37 per cent say they used medication for "mental wellbeing" in the past 2 weeks. Of these medications, 72 per cent were antidepressants and 27 per cent were sleeping tablets. Australia's favourite drugs are vitamin supplements, followed by the uppers venlafaxine, citalopram and sertraline. We also relieve our mental worries in a liquid way: the proportion of people whose alcohol consumption is classified as high or risky has risen from 11 per cent in 2001 to 13 per cent in 2008.

3. We're kidding ourselves. When the bureau's researchers measured the people in the survey, they found that 68 per cent of men and 55 per cent of women could be classified as overweight or obese. But when people were asked to tell their measurements, only 63 per cent of men and 48 per cent of women gave answers that would suggest they were overweight or obese.

4. We treat our bodies shockingly. Some 54 per cent of men and 44 per cent of women eat one serving or less of fruit a day. As the bureau puts it, 95 per cent of men and 93 per cent of women have "inadequate fruit or vegetable consumption" (less than the five servings of each a day recommended by health authorities). In addition, 34 per cent of men and 36 per cent of women do no exercise of any kind.

5. We treat our kids as badly as we treat ourselves. Among children aged 5 to 17, 38 per cent eat less than one serving of fruit a day, and 37 per cent eat less than one serving of veggies a day; 17 per cent are overweight and 8 per cent are obese; 24 per cent of boys and 16 per cent of girls had consumed alcohol in the week before the interview, and of those 6 per cent of boys and 7 per cent of girls were drinking at a risky or high level.

Go here to read the complete ABS report, and to Comments to discuss whether this suggests we're a healthy nation.

• by David Dale at 12:59 AM
• Comments (14)

The Who We Are Update: Week 22

To distinguish between Boomers, GenXers, and the iGen, go to The Tribal Mind.
To nominate the best books about Australia, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 11 am Sunday
In theory, Masterchef was the number two most watched program in the mainland capitals last week. In fact, if you add together the three showings of Specks and Specks -- twice on ABC1 and once on ABC2 -- you find that its total audience was 1.81 million. No wonder Channel Ten felt confident in cloning it into Talkin' 'Bout Your Generation.

On the same theory, the return of The Chaser's WOE would be the week's number four most watched program in the mainland capitals, with a total audience of 1.66 million. No wonder the ABC ended the week with a handsome 17.5 per cent share of the prime time audience, while Ten came close to knocking Nine off number two spot with its 24.2 per cent (with Seven on 27.5, Nine on 25.7 and SBS on 5.2).

This was Pay TV's account of itself for last week: "Posing with an ice sculpture and a lingerie photo shoot in the desert gave the girls of Australia's Next Top Model contrasting challenges and an audience of 205,000 people for the FOX8 program. NCIS on TV1 was watched by 126,000 people, the second season of Football Superstar premiered on FOX8 with 103,000 viewers and the Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney Channel had its best result of the year, watched by 102,000 people. This week, 100,000 people watched Selling Houses Australia on Lifestyle, Law & Order on W was seen by 93,000 people and Sanctuary premiered on Sci Fi with 73,000 viewers.

"Live coverage of the Monday night National Rugby League game, Live: NRL Cowboys v Knights was watched by 335,000 viewers, the best ever result for FOX Sports' Monday Night Football. Live: AFL Sydney v Port Adelaide was seen by 198,000 people and the NRL's youth competition, Live: Rugby League: Toyota Cup had its best audience of the year so far with 100,000 (all on FOX Sports).

"Subscription TV was the number one source of television across all homes in week 22. STV channels accounted for 22.4% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, was 22.0% of all regional viewing and 58.0% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending May 30
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,830,000 474,000 520,000 407,000 177,000 252,000
2 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,673,000 472,000 499,000 294,000 178,000 230,000
3 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,666,000 536,000 497,000 337,000 176,000 120,000
4 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,647,000 489,000 555,000 244,000 151,000 209,000
5 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,640,000 438,000 464,000 333,000 174,000 231,000
6 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 1,592,000 504,000 488,000 294,000 138,000 168,000
369 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC2 112,000 26,000 28,000 15,000 11,000 32,000
379 SPICKS AND SPECKS RPT ABC1 106,000 42,000 20,000 27,000 11,000 6,000
7 NCIS Ten 1,546,000 406,000 452,000 301,000 173,000 214,000
8 THE CHASER'S WAR ON EVERYTHING ABC1 1,540,000 514,000 478,000 235,000 141,000 172,000
350 THE CHASER'S WAR ON EVERYTHING ABC2 122,000 43,000 31,000 20,000 11,000 17,000
9 THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE Seven 1,516,000 412,000 513,000 300,000 130,000 161,000
10 MERLIN Ten 1,500,000 491,000 354,000 246,000 170,000 238,000
11 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,470,000 387,000 413,000 311,000 146,000 213,000
12 THE ZOO Seven 1,465,000 436,000 404,000 268,000 142,000 214,000
13 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,454,000 416,000 419,000 342,000 133,000 143,000
14 SEA PATROL Nine 1,384,000 374,000 425,000 244,000 167,000 175,000
15 BONES Seven 1,384,000 416,000 367,000 262,000 180,000 159,000
Continued here with all the Thursday, Friday and Saturday football ratings I could find

• by David Dale at 12:26 AM
• Comments (70)

WHO WE ARE: The national must reads

To discuss the differences between Boomers, GenXers, and the IGen, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 24/5/2009
There was a streak of masochism and more than a little myth-making in the suggestions that arrived from this column's readers last week when I sought help in creating a definitive list of Best Books About Australia (go here for that column).

Penelope said "Babette Smith's Australia's Birthstain sources the shame of convict ancestry to homophobia." Dawn Jones said Blood on the Wattle by Bruce Elder "should be compulsory reading in all schools to show how we became such a racist society (though I do believe we are improving), and the wrong that was done to the indigenous peoples of this land."

Stevn thought Leviathan: The Unauthorised Biography of Sydney by John Birmingham gave "a remarkable insight into the grubby politics and sordidly organic subcultural growth of a nation, despite official policies ... a real survey of how the mass of a decidedly self-interested and disobedient proletarian rabble prone to alcoholism and violence grew into a city."

And MIchael Sullivan suggested The Thorn Birds because it "helped to put Australia on a literary map" (as opposed to being good, presumably). Michael said "It appealed (the novel/story) to the masses; and it raised (I suspect) more tourists to visit Australia." Does that make it essential to The Big 20?

In the end, I think we've nailed it -- a formidable list that offers more pleasure than pain, and as much entertainment as insight:

1. 1788, by Watkin Tench: a new edition of his two books A Narrative of the Expedition to Botany Bay (1789) and A Complete Account of the Settlement at Port Jackson (1793), edited by Tim Flannery).

2. The Fatal Shore, Robert Hughes: "probably the most readable history of colonial NSW and Tasmania ever written ... let academics argue over its worth, but no one will doubt its value as an introduction to Australian history" (says Peter).

3. A Fortunate Life, Albert Facey: a "down-to-earth, first hand account of the life of a rambler in early twentieth century Australia" (says GC).

4. My Place, Nadia Wheatley: "a beautiful view of the many people who have made this place home" (says Kate). And another book called My Place, by Sally Morgan: "important for understanding the Aboriginal Australian's perspective of their changed homeland and the difficulties they face in trying to keep their self-worth and their families together" (says Jane).

5. Maestro, Peter Goldsworthy: "His beautiful prose makes the city of Darwin as important a character as the main protagonist" (says Beckala).

6. The Magic Pudding, Norman Lindsay: A hilarious tale of mateship and madness and the source of Australia's national metaphor.

7. For the Term of his Natural Life, Marcus Clark: "read it in the Botanical Gardens and be transported back in time" (says Chris Fuller).

8. They're A Weird Mob, Nino Culotta: The first celebration of a diverse Australia as a nation of immigrants.

9. Kangaroo, D. H. Lawrence: "It was written in 1923 but it so fresh and vivid and relates to many events happening today" (says Shirley).

10. Eucalyptus, Murray Bail: "What could be more Australian? Hopefully Rusty Crowe never gets his plans for a film version off the ground" (says Darren).

11. The Last Continent, Terry Pratchett: "a hilarious look at everything we think makes us Australian" (says Brett).

12. Devil's Hill (Nan Chauncy): "contains wonderful chapters filled with Aussie perseverance taming a wild Tasmania - 'There's a leech having a free beer on your leg, son'" (says Dragonfly).

13. The Future Eaters, Tim Flannery: "a somewhat dry but thorough and profound discussion of the ecology of Australia, and goes a long way towards describing how we have tried to adapt to the bush" (says Nathan).

14. Grand Days, Frank Moorhouse: "quite possibly my favourite Australian novel, with a wonderful heroine ... it shows Australia as once being an important and respected part of the world stage, and it really makes me regret the insularity of modern Australia" (says tqd).

15. Cloudstreet, Tim Winton: "voted Australia's favourite book a couple of years ago," says Julie, but adds: " very different but just as good is The Shark Net by Robert Drewe. Both are set in Perth in the time frame of Eric Cooke the serial killer who was the second last man to be hanged in Australia."

Did we get it right? Go to Comments to argue any choices and help build this into a top 20.

• by David Dale at 07:19 AM
• Comments (38)

The Who We Are update: Week 21

This week of the blog is a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. For the latest media trends in Australia, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To learn why boomers hate GenXers, and vice versa, go to The Tribal Mind.
To nominate the best books about Australia, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
Channel Ten went so well last Tuesday and Wednesday there was a possibility it could come in as number two station last week. But its programing fell apart on Thursday and Friday, with the result that the prime time audience shares at week's end were: Seven 27.9 per cent, Nine 26.0, Ten 23.4, ABC 16.9, SBS 5.9 (higher than usual thanks to a boost from Eurovision on Sunday). Care to suggest what Ten should show to improve its chances on Thurs and Fri?

This was Pay TV's account of itself for last week: "Live coverage on FOX Sports of the Saturday night National Rugby League game, Live: NRL Bulldogs v Storm gave the code its biggest audience ever on subscription TV with 359,000 viewers. In other sport in week 21, Live: AFL St Kilda v Essendon was watched by 256,000 people, Live: AFL Teams had its biggest audience of 2009 with 83,000 viewers and the live coverage of the MotoGP, Live: Motorsport: MotoGP Round 4, France was watched by 70,000 people (all on FOX Sports).

"215,000 viewers - a record for the fifth season of FOX8's Australia's Next Top Model - watched Mikarla and Eloise eliminated from the competition while the American Idol Grand Final (also on FOX8) drew 143,000 viewers. This week's broadcast of Selling Houses Australia on Lifestyle was viewed by 126,000 people, Numb3rs on TV1 had a year-to-date best of 93,000 viewers, Dalziel and Pascoe on UKTV gathered its biggest audience of 2009 with 81,000 viewers and My Friend the Sex Tourist premiered on Crime and Investigation with 78,000 people.

"Subscription TV was the number one source of television across all homes in week 21. STV channels accounted for 22.2% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, was 22.3% of all regional viewing and 58.1% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending May 23
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,703,000 414,000 490,000 397,000 155,000 246,000
2 THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE Seven 1,684,000 479,000 491,000 372,000 150,000 192,000
3 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,662,000 454,000 448,000 355,000 174,000 232,000
4 NCIS Ten 1,629,000 447,000 453,000 298,000 200,000 232,000
5 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,613,000 483,000 491,000 259,000 160,000 219,000
6 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,550,000 460,000 467,000 295,000 201,000 126,000
7 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,535,000 425,000 423,000 315,000 153,000 220,000
8 THE ZOO Seven 1,476,000 426,000 368,000 322,000 181,000 180,000
9 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,456,000 417,000 413,000 261,000 161,000 205,000
10 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,411,000 434,000 382,000 317,000 129,000 150,000
11 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 1,402,000 453,000 401,000 265,000 146,000 137,000
12 SEA PATROL Nine 1,399,000 407,000 401,000 238,000 171,000 182,000
13 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,397,000 392,000 382,000 282,000 169,000 172,000
14 MERLIN Ten 1,372,000 409,000 331,000 270,000 134,000 228,000
15 GETAWAY Nine 1,368,000 407,000 399,000 282,000 104,000 175,000
16 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,361,000 447,000 417,000 179,000 146,000 173,000
17 60 MINUTES Nine 1,314,000 390,000 364,000 291,000 138,000 131,000
18 THE GRUEN TRANSFER ABC1 1,312,000 439,000 371,000 234,000 134,000 133,000

• by David Dale at 09:07 AM
• Comments (68)

WHO WE ARE: Is it a sheep? Is it a cow? No, it's super pat

To learn why Star Trek is the definitive entertainment of the 21st century, even if you hate sci-fi, go to
The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 17/5/2009

IN OFFERING this little tract to the public it is equally the writer's wish to conduce to their amusement and information.

As opening sentences of great books go, that doesn't quite match up to "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times"; "The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there"; "It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen"; or "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."

But it's certainly more important for Australians than any of those classic teasers, because it's the beginning of the first book ever published about this country.

Sailing with the fleet that left Portsmouth in 1787 for a new Wales somewhere in the south were five men who had been commissioned by publishers to write about an adventure that was as fascinating to the British then as the moon landing was to the modern world in 1969.

The first author to get a manuscript back to his publisher in London was a marine lieutenant named Watkin Tench, and his account of the journey and the first few weeks of the settlement appeared in April 1789. A Narrative of the Expedition To Botany Bay was such a hit (quickly translated into French, German, Dutch and Swedish) that the publishers demanded a sequel, and A Complete Account of the Settlement at Port Jackson appeared in 1793. It was another bestseller. You could say Tench was Australia's first international superstar.

No doubt copies of both books were clutched in the hands of Australia's first eight free settlers when they stepped off the boat in Sydney in 1793. They were not put off by Tench's warning to potential colonists: "If golden dreams of commerce and wealth flatter their imaginations, disappointment will follow."

Certainly they would have enjoyed the comedy. Tench is initially puzzled when the people he calls "the Indians" gather round a sheep pen and shout "Kangaroo! Kangaroo!" Later his Aboriginal friend Colbee points at a cow and asks "Is that a kangaroo?" When Tench identifies a two legged furry hopper as a kangaroo, Colbee says: "We call that a patagaran."

It would seem the earlier explorer whom Tench calls "Mr Cook" got the Aboriginal name a little wrong. Strangely, we've stuck with this mistake for two centuries.

(If they make a movie of Tench's books, I can see the most memorable line from Australian cinema so far -- "That's not a knife. That's a knife" -- being replaced by this dialogue ...

Tench: "That's not a kangaroo, that's a cow. That's a kangaroo."
Colbee: "That's not a kangaroo. That's a patagaran.")

Perhaps the women among the first free settlers were attracted by this observation in Tench's book: "No climate hitherto known is more generally salubrious. To this cause I attribute the great number of births which happened ... Women who certainly would never have bred in any other climate here produced as fine children as ever were born."

Perhaps the men found comfort in this: "To men of small property, unambitious of trade, and wishing for retirement, I think the continent of New South Wales not without inducements".

Talk about praising with faint damns. But that's the very modest mindset from which this country grew. In his introduction to a new edition of Tench's books, Tim Flannery refers to A Narrative of the Expedition to Botany Bay as "the most elegant, perceptive and engaging" of the five "foundation books" of Australia's colonial history (the other four being tedious technical tomes).

That led this column to seek your help in compiling a definitive list of the ten key books published about Australia in the past 220 years - books that might not be perfect prose but which reveal something about our national character.

Would you want to include The Fatal Shore by Robert Hughes? The Lucky Country by Donald Horne? 4 Ingredients by McCosker and Bermingham? Spotless by Lush and Fleming? Something by Bryce Courtenay, Sara Henderson, Albert Facey, or Hugh MacKay?

Go to Comments to suggest our most significant reading matter.

• by David Dale at 10:23 AM
• Comments (42)

The Who We Are update: Week 20

This week of the blog is a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. For the latest media trends in Australia, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To learn why Star Trek is the definitive entertainment of the 21st century, go to The Tribal Mind.
To nominate the best books about Australia, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
Ten started last week with a big advantage, thanks to Merlin, Masterchef and Two Apostrophes. But then the biffo scandal played into the hands of Channel Nine, boosting numbers for A Current Affair and The Footy Show, and Nine has resumed its traditional ranking as Still The Two. The average prime time audience shares were: Seven 28.3, Nine 25.7, Ten 22.9, ABC 17.4, SBS 5.6.

Sadly, the massively pre-publicised episode of Four Corners that started the week's frenzy got only 1 million viewers in the mainland capitals, which suggests that most football fans don't care, or can't find the ABC on their remotes.

This was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "124,000 people watched FOXTEL Sport's live coverage of the Manchester United/Arsenal game in which Manchester United took out its third consecutive English Premier League title. It was the highest EPL audience of the year and the third highest ever for EPL on FOX Sports. 289,000 people watched the Melbourne Storm prevail over the Sydney Roosters in Live: NRL Roosters v Storm and 262,000 viewed the Eagles defeat the Demons by four points in Live: AFL West Coast v Melbourne (all on FOX Sports).

"Australia's Next Top Model on FOX8 was watched by 177,000 viewers this week while Selling Houses Australia on Lifestyle had its biggest audience of the year with 129,000 people. NCIS on TV1 was watched by 107,000 people, 100,000 saw Thursday night's episode of M*A*S*H on FOX Classics and Eastenders on UKTV had its best result of 2009 with 88,000 viewers. In children's programming, Hatching Pete premiered on Disney Channel with 82,000 viewers and ICarly on Nickelodeon had its best result of the year with 75,000 viewers.

"Subscription TV was the number one source of television across all homes in week 20. STV channels accounted for 22.5% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, was 21.8% of all regional viewing and 58.6% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending May 17
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,599,000 444,000 484,000 279,000 158,000 235,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,572,000 428,000 439,000 320,000 168,000 216,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,571,000 426,000 369,000 370,000 163,000 242,000
4 THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE Seven 1,551,000 461,000 485,000 313,000 120,000 171,000
5 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,490,000 426,000 495,000 276,000 178,000 115,000
6 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,472,000 422,000 459,000 265,000 141,000 186,000
7 NCIS Ten 1,435,000 376,000 373,000 299,000 178,000 209,000
8 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,434,000 364,000 434,000 327,000 148,000 160,000
9 THE ZOO Seven 1,431,000 376,000 440,000 271,000 153,000 192,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,418,000 387,000 385,000 296,000 152,000 198,000
11 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,416,000 437,000 405,000 228,000 173,000 172,000
12 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 1,358,000 501,000 372,000 227,000 136,000 121,000
13 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,320,000 363,000 380,000 255,000 126,000 197,000
14 MERLIN Ten 1,306,000 418,000 313,000 243,000 122,000 211,000

• by David Dale at 08:40 AM
• Comments (106)

WHO WE ARE: Better to have loved and lost ...

To learn why we're no longer cultural clones of the Americans, go to The Tribal Mind

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 10/5/2009
The seven year itch is a myth. In this country, the theory that marriages are most at risk after seven years is not supported by the facts. It's actually 8 years and 11 months. For marriages that have ended in Australia, that's been the average gap between joining and separating.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Today's column is supposed to be about finding love, not losing it. This is part two of a study of the mating habits of the tribe called Australians, based on research by the Bureau of Statistics. Last week's column offered the optimistic revelation that 95 per cent of Australians over the age of 35 have had at least one live-in relationship in their lives. Here's more detail on how they did it (with a bit on how they lost it)...

If you're looking for love, get more education and get a job. Australians mostly bond with people who have the same educational background. But the bureau warns: "Men with a lower level of education were more likely to have never partnered (10.4 per cent of men with no tertiary qualifications compared with 5.0 per cent of those with tertiary qualifications). Men who were not working in 2006-2007 were almost three times as likely to have never had a live-in relationship as those who were employed."

If you can't find an atheist or a Buddhist, a Christian will do. Australians tend to bond with people who share their religion - or lack of it. The bureau says 87 per cent of couplings are between people of the same belief system. These are the exceptions: "Only 34 per cent of couples involving a Buddhist were same faith partnerships. A higher proportion were 'Buddhist- Christian' couples (40 per cent). Of the 26 per cent of couples involving at least one person with no religion, 52 per cent were matches where both partners were non-religious, while most of the remainder (46 per cent) were a no religion-Christian couple."

Men are more annoying than women. That's what we have to conclude from the fact that wives are far more likely to end relationships than are husbands. In 2007, 13,216 divorces were initiated by men, 16,172 were joint projects and 18,571 were initiated by women.

Most marriages end in death. That's another way of saying that around 40 per cent end in divorce. These are the raw numbers: each year there are about 116,000 marriages and about 48,000 divorces. The divorce rate has been declining over this decade, which looks like good news until you realize it's because the marriage rate was declining over the previous decade.

A terminated de facto relationship is likely to last two years, while a terminated marriage is likely to last at least nine years. The bureau looks on the bright side: "In considering the apparently brief duration of de facto relationships, it should be kept in mind that this median is only for those relationships that have ended - a greater number have gone on to become a registered marriage or remain as long term partnerships. In addition, where de facto relationships are being used by couples as a step before marriage, those that end before marriage may reduce the number of marriages that would otherwise end in divorce within a short period."

So there's no reason for pessimism, as long as you're looking for love in all the right places. Give us your theories at Comments

• by David Dale at 11:00 AM
• Comments (25)

The Who We Are update: Week 19

This week of the blog is a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. For the latest media trends in Australia, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To get the viewers' verdict on what's worst on the box, go to The Bogie Awards, 2009
To learn how Australians lose love, go to Who We Are

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
Channel Nine started the week with a massive advantage from the Logies and the Underbelly finale and managed to fritter most of it away by Saturday. In the end, Nine averaged 27.9 per cent of the prime time audience, while Seven got 27.7, Ten 22.5, ABC 16.7, SBS 5.13. Ten is currently gleeful that Masterchef is performing far better than The Biggest Loser and Big Brother. Seven is gleeful that Underbelly is over.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "For the sixth week in a row, and for the 14th week in 2009, Subscription TV was the number one source of television across all homes. STV channels accounted for 22.0% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, was 20.8% of all regional viewing and 57.4% of all viewing in subscription TV homes in week 18, 2009.

"In sport, Live: NRL Cowboys v Dragons on FOX Sports was seen by 307,000 people, Live: AFL Western Bulldogs v St Kilda was watched by 275,000 (a record for the code this year) and the FOX Sports' live coverage of the fifth One Day International against Pakistan, Live: Cricket: ODI Pak v Aus 5th ODI S1, was watched by 103,000 viewers. Live: Rugby League: Toyota Cup received its highest audience for the year with 99,000 viewers (all on FOX Sports).

"Australia's Next Top Model continued its great run with 202,000 viewers for Tuesday night's broadcast on FOX8 and 280,000 on the night when the Plus 2 hours audiences are included. NCIS on TV1 had 116,000 viewers, Law & Order on W was watched by 113,000 people and Wednesday night's episode of Selling Houses Australia on Lifestyle was viewed by 112,000 subscribers. The Bucket List, with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman premiered on Movie One with 107,000 people, Sonny with a Chance on Disney Channel had its biggest audience of the year with 99,000 people and Ben 10: Alien Force on Cartoon Network had its best result for 2009 with 74,000 viewers."

What Australia watched, week ending May 9
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 UNDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO CITIES Nine 2,090,000 639,000 700,000 320,000 199,000 232,000
2 TV WEEK LOGIE AWARDS ARRIVALS Nine 1,698,000 489,000 622,000 276,000 131,000 179,000
3 51ST ANNUAL TV WEEK LOGIE AWARDS Nine 1,652,000 511,000 602,000 238,000 147,000 153,000
4 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,642,000 475,000 529,000 293,000 142,000 204,000
5 A LION CALLED CHRISTIAN Seven 1,587,000 462,000 443,000 290,000 153,000 238,000
6 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,580,000 429,000 429,000 308,000 176,000 238,000
7 THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE Seven 1,573,000 435,000 492,000 280,000 153,000 213,000
8 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,543,000 426,000 417,000 325,000 163,000 212,000
9 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,542,000 465,000 519,000 277,000 159,000 121,000
10 NCIS Ten 1,516,000 363,000 426,000 312,000 190,000 224,000
11 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,436,000 348,000 435,000 311,000 168,000 174,000
12 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,436,000 390,000 394,000 308,000 150,000 195,000
13 MERLIN Ten 1,406,000 423,000 354,000 245,000 166,000 218,000

• by David Dale at 09:46 AM
• Comments (62)

WHO WE ARE: Love is in the air, except for 5 per cent

To get the viewers' verdict on what's worst on the box, go to The Bogie Awards, 2009

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 3/5/2009
If you're a bit blue and wondering if you'll ever find love, this column is for you. It's a study of the mating habits of the tribe called Australians and it's packed with reassuring tips and revelations.

A wise man once said that love is like traffic - if you think you are in it, then you are in it. Don't be put off by the fact that the wise man was the NSW Premier, Nathan Rees. And please join me in a second assumption - that if you commit to living with somebody, you must be in love (or you think you are, which is the same thing).

We are now in a position to declare that 95 per cent of Australians find love at some point in their lives, and 25 per cent find love twice. Those excellent odds were calculated by the Australian Bureau of Statistics in the Social Trends report it released earlier this year. The bureau notes that 61 per cent of adult Australians are currently living with a partner, and half of those relationships have lasted 18 years or more. It continues:

"According to the 2006-07 Family Characteristics and Transitions Survey, 84 per cent of adults had had at least one marriage or de facto relationship. For people aged 35 years or over, 95 per cent had had at least one marriage or de facto relationship. This included 18 per cent who had had two relationships and 7 per cent who had three or more."

These are some other conclusions we feel safe in drawing from the Bureau's research:

Australians like to try before they buy. The bureau puts it more politely: "Almost three quarters (74 per cent) of people who married in the 2000s lived together before marrying." And pregnancy no longer summons the shotgun. "In the five years to 2007, close to one third (32 per cent) of all births have been to unmarried mothers, twice the average rate of the 1980s."

Once bitten, twice shy. The romantic boffins at the bureau have found that "People in de facto relationships who had been married before were significantly less likely to expect to marry their new partner than people who had never been married. Around one quarter (26 per cent) of people in a de facto relationship who were separated, divorced or widowed intended to marry their current partner, compared with 50 per cent of people who had never been married."

Men tend to trade in older partners for younger models. In the average heterosexual partnership, the man is 2.6 years older than the woman. But, says the bureau, "for marriages occurring between a male divorcee and a never married bride, the groom was, on average, older by 7.3 years." Divorced women seeking toy boys have not been so lucky: "Where the bride was remarrying after a divorce, she was around a year older than her never married groom."

The bureau has many more encouraging insights into our mating habits and prospects, which this column will discuss next week. Meanwhile, go to Comments to offer your theories.

• by David Dale at 06:04 AM
• Comments (30)

The Who We Are update: Week 18

To get the viewers' verdict on what's worst on the box, go to The Bogie Awards, 2009
To learn how Australians find love, go to Who We Are

The ratings race, updated 10am Monday
A week that started so promisingly for Channel Ten, with huge numbers for finales of dancing and losing and reasonable numbers for cooking, ended this way: Seven got 26.7 per cent of the prime time audience, Ten got 25.5, Nine got 25.2, ABC 17.1, SBS 5.5.

The mystery of the week is why Nine has decided to renew Eddie McGuire's faltering comeback vehicle, Hot Seat. Perhaps they have nothing else.

This was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "Australia's Next Top Model set a subscription TV record for a series premiere when 210,000 viewers (303,000 including the Plus2 broadcast) watched the start of the 2009 series on FOX8 on Tuesday night. This week's episode of Selling Houses Australia on Lifestyle was watched by 107,000 people, The Vicar of Dibley on UKTV had its best audience of the year with 102,000 and Sonny With A Chance premiered on Disney Channel with 98,000 viewers.

"In sport, Live: NRL Knights v Broncos on FOX Sports was seen by 315,000 people, Live: AFL Geelong v Brisbane Lions was watched by 217,000 and the FOX Sports' live coverage of the fourth One Day International against Pakistan, Live: Cricket: ODI Pak v Aus 4th ODI S1, was watched by 112,000 viewers. Finally, as the English football season draws to a close, 72,000 people watched Manchester United edge closer to the Premier League title as they beat Middlesborough 2-0 in Live: Football: EPL M'brough v Man Utd.

"For the fifth week in a row, and for the 10th week in the last 12 weeks, Subscription TV was the number one source of television across all homes. STV channels accounted for 22.3% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, was 22.0% of all regional viewing and 58.5% of all viewing in subscription TV homes in week 18, 2009."

What Australia watched, week ending May 2
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - WINNER ANNOUNCED Ten 2,094,000 672,000 587,000 382,000 195,000 259,000
2 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - FINALE NIGHT Ten 1,798,000 565,000 469,000 342,000 171,000 252,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,797,000 373,000 614,000 367,000 214,000 228,000
4 THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE Seven 1,741,000 557,000 535,000 335,000 130,000 184,000
5 UNDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO CITIES Nine 1,711,000 471,000 575,000 278,000 184,000 203,000
6 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,601,000 451,000 443,000 302,000 180,000 225,000
7 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,578,000 474,000 505,000 257,000 171,000 172,000
8 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,539,000 476,000 477,000 308,000 176,000 103,000
9 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,539,000 453,000 428,000 308,000 145,000 205,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,509,000 438,000 412,000 282,000 156,000 221,000
11 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE FINAL WEIGH-IN Ten 1,488,000 461,000 418,000 302,000 148,000 158,000
12 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,472,000 396,000 424,000 251,000 161,000 241,000
13 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - THE WINNER ANNOUNCED Ten 1,452,000 460,000 476,000 242,000 125,000 150,000
14 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - AUDITION 1 Ten 1,428,000 443,000 412,000 258,000 147,000 168,000
15 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE Seven 1,426,000 423,000 427,000 265,000 127,000 184,000
16 NCIS Ten 1,423,000 399,000 389,000 284,000 163,000 190,000
17 60 MINUTES Nine 1,380,000 379,000 423,000 292,000 141,000 145,000
18 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - FINALE NIGHT Ten 1,355,000 431,000 418,000 250,000 128,000 128,000
Continued here.

• by David Dale at 07:13 PM
• Comments (58)

WHO WE ARE: It's peanut butter jelly time

For regular updates on popular culture, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald. 26/4/2009
It crossed my mind to do an obituary for Humphrey B. Bear, now that his production company has gone into liquidation. But he doesn't deserve one.

This column's duties include the identification and celebration of national icons, a term that certain media have been applying to Humphrey. In theory, the funny old fellow has been entertaining and educating Australian preschoolers since 1965. In fact, Here's Humphrey was always a cheap and token response by Channel Nine to the rules requiring commercial networks to provide children's programming if they wanted to retain their broadcasting licence.

So instead of a eulogy for a boring bear, I'll take the opportunity to praise two fabulous fruits who are still very much alive - attracting 200,000 viewers whenever they're shown on ABC television and carrying the message about Australian creativity around the world. Unlike Humphrey, Bananas in Pyjamas have universal appeal. (Warning, other puns may become necessary in the course of this discussion.)

I first became aware of the yellow peril when my daughter was bitten on the finger by another three year old as they struggled for possession of a Bananas in Pyjamas beanie at kindergarten. I realised then that the ABC had created an addiction which provides a useful source of non-taxpayer funding but which can drive certain children to desperate action.

The devotion of the fans is a commentary on the power of the story. The phenomenon started as a cartoon shown during Play School in the 1980s, accompanied by this song: "Bananas in pyjamas are coming down the stairs, Bananas in pyjamas are coming down in pairs, Bananas in pyjamas are chasing teddy bears, Cos on Tuesdays they all like to catch them unawares."

In 1992 the ABC gave the Bananas their own series, with characters portrayed by actors in big hot suits (giving a new meaning to the phrase "slip on a banana skin"). Their world is Cuddles Avenue, where B1 and B2 occupy all positions of authority -- park rangers, nurses, crossing guards, beach patrol, car mechanics, road sweepers, and dispute resolution counsellors. Their neighbours are three teddy bears - dreaming Morgan, frivolous Amy and fussy Lulu.

The villain is Rat in a Hat, who runs all the businesses on Cuddles Avenue and whose mission is to sell dubious notions to the teddies. He likes to say "I'm a rat, I'm a rat, I'm a very clever rat!" followed by "Cheese and whiskers!" when his scams are foiled by the Bananas, whose catchphrases are: "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, B2? I think I am, B1".

The five minute episodes teach tolerance, optimism, patience, scientific method, and dramatic structure. Most importantly, the Rat's tale demonstrated the dangers of uninhibited capitalism long before the current economic crisis came along to convince consumers over the age of five.

That kind of life lesson is why B1 and B2 are more deserving of our accolades than a large brown bear who never wore any pants and never said a word. When we start throwing round labels like "national icon", lets get our priorities right.

To discuss all this, go to Comments

• by David Dale at 11:07 AM
• Comments (31)

WHO WE ARE: Central yes, but intelligent?

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 19/4/2009
As you know, America's Central Intelligence Agency is omniscient, ubiquitous, and omnipotent -- hence its success in removing Fidel Castro from power in Cuba; in finding the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq; and in capturing Osama bin Laden. So when the CIA turns its attention to Australia, we need to pay attention to what it says.

A painstaking process of investigative journalism* has brought into this column's hands a copy of the CIA's latest report card on Australia. Some of it is fascinating, some of it insulting and some of it disturbing.

After a lot of lively detail about population -- "White 92%, Asian 7%, aboriginal and other 1%" -- and politics -- "Chief of state: Queen of Australia ELIZABETH II (since 6 February 1952) ... the monarch is hereditary" -- the report has this to say under the heading "Illicit drugs":
"Tasmania is one of the world's major suppliers of licit opiate products; government maintains strict controls over areas of opium poppy cultivation and output of poppy straw concentrate; major consumer of cocaine and amphetamines." Presumably that makes us both a good customer and a good supplier for the Americas.

Under the heading "Geography", the CIA reports: "Population concentrated along the eastern and southeastern coasts; the invigorating sea breeze known as the 'Fremantle Doctor' affects the city of Perth on the west coast, and is one of the most consistent winds in the world."

Why this emphasis on a wind in the west? Without wishing to seem eastocentric, I must speak on behalf of the southerly buster, which can be just as invigorating on a hot afternoon as The Doctor, and which brings relief to many more people than any passing puff on the other side. Get your priorities right, CIA.

It seems our environmental record has also been under close scrutiny: "Soil erosion from overgrazing, industrial development, urbanization, and poor farming practices; soil salinity rising due to the use of poor quality water; desertification; clearing for agricultural purposes threatens the natural habitat of many unique animal and plant species; the Great Barrier Reef off the northeast coast, the largest coral reef in the world, is threatened by increased shipping and its popularity as a tourist site; limited natural fresh water resources."

The most worrying commentary appears under the heading "Military". The report displays two lists:
"Manpower available for military service: males age 16-49: 4,999,988; females age 16-49: 4,870,043
Manpower fit for military service: males age 16-49: 4,341,591; females age 16-49: 4,179,659."

A number of questions arise. Why does the CIA need to know how many Australians are available to fight in a war? Is it planning an invasion, and wondering what it's up against? This theory is consistent with an apparently random piece of data elsewhere in the report: "Airports with paved runways: 317; airports with unpaved runways: 144."

Or is it calculating how many of our grunts it can call upon, if America gets caught in another ground war in Asia? Or wondering at what point America might be asked to come to our aid, if we get into trouble with what it calls "Disputes - International". These include "regional states continue to express concern over Australia's 2004 declaration of a 1,000-nautical mile-wide maritime identification zone".

Most baffling of all, how did the CIA work out that 13 per cent of our young men and 14 per cent of our young women are unfit for military service? Have they been looking only at video footage of Corey Worthington and his partying pals?

We may not want to fight for the Americans, or, for that matter, against the Americans, but I'm damned if I'll accept such a calumny upon our brave bronzed boys and girls. Nations have gone to war over lesser insults.

* The research involved putting "CIA Australia" into google, which directed me to World Factbook.

Go to Comments to tell us what you make of the CIA's analysis ...

• by David Dale at 10:16 AM
• Comments (4)

The Who We Are update: The Easter silly season

To find out what the CIA thinks of Australia, go to Who We Are.
To vote for TV's most embarrassing, annoying and underrated, go to The Bogie Awards.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
You can tell it's a non-ratings period when the most watched show of the week is the news, when six of the week's top 20 are repeats, and when the ABC's best performer is a repeat of a whodunit first shown on Channel Nine in 1999.

Seven's collection of repeats earned it 26.7 per cent of the prime time audience, Nine managed 24.2 per cent, Ten 23.5, the ABC 19.4 (a big boost, due largely to Midsomer, Gruen, Specks and Poirot) and SBS 6.1 (thanks mainly to Top Gear, Trawlermen and Mad Men). Can any reader explain why Trawlermen would pull 442,000 to SBS?

This was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "Subscription TV was the number one source of television around Australia in the week commencing Easter Sunday (week 16, 2009). STV channels accounted for 24.5% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, was 23.0% of all regional viewing and 61.9% of all viewing in subscription TV homes.

"A number of subscription TV's animation programs had their biggest audiences of the year as families enjoyed their Easter break with STV. Family Guy on FOX8 had a record audience for the year with 185,000 viewers as did The Simpsons with 178,000 people. Nickelodeon's Avatar: The Last Airbender had its biggest viewership of the year with 93,000 and SpongeBob SquarePants also had its best result of 2009 with 93,000 viewers. 125,000 people watched the Wednesday night episode of Selling Houses Australia and Sunday night's broadcast of NCIS on TV1 drew 113,000 people. This week, Gilmore Girls on Arena was watched by 85,000 people, The Virgin Trade premiered on Crime & Investigation with 74,000 people and Marple: Ordeal by Innocence premiered on Hallmark with 72,000 viewers.

"In sports programming, Live: NRL Bulldogs v Rabbitohs was seen by 315,000 people, Live: AFL Sydney v Carlton was seen by 162,000 viewers and the fourth game of the one day cricket international between Australia and South Africa, Live: Cricket: ODI RSA v Aus Game 4, was watched by 137,000 (all on FOX Sports). Live: Rugby Union: S14 Waratahs v Force on Saturday night was watched by 93,000 viewers."

What Australia watched, week ending April 18
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,518,000 423,000 405,000 284,000 172,000 234,000
2 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,509,000 408,000 445,000 287,000 183,000 186,000
3 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,455,000 380,000 465,000 226,000 171,000 213,000
4 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,440,000 354,000 383,000 339,000 176,000 188,000
5 NCIS RPT Ten 1,425,000 355,000 427,000 254,000 192,000 197,000
6 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,424,000 393,000 383,000 300,000 158,000 190,000
7 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,421,000 377,000 391,000 275,000 169,000 210,000
8 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,396,000 385,000 412,000 272,000 128,000 199,000
9 NCIS EP 2 RPT Ten 1,395,000 382,000 398,000 249,000 177,000 189,000
10 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,274,000 403,000 354,000 224,000 165,000 128,000
11 CRIMINAL MINDS (R) Seven 1,242,000 342,000 365,000 212,000 167,000 156,000
12 MIDSOMER MURDERS ABC1 1,234,000 386,000 346,000 155,000 158,000 189,000
13 60 MINUTES Nine 1,221,000 324,000 338,000 257,000 135,000 166,000
14 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE (R) Seven 1,212,000 336,000 374,000 213,000 142,000 147,000
15 THE GRUEN TRANSFER ABC1 1,210,000 424,000 321,000 204,000 126,000 137,000
16 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 1,184,000 413,000 293,000 208,000 134,000 135,000
17 NEW TRICKS RPT ABC1 1,166,000 329,000 329,000 214,000 128,000 167,000
18 NINE NEWS Nine 1,138,000 309,000 330,000 264,000 126,000 110,000
19 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,124,000 333,000 268,000 233,000 116,000 174,000
20 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,122,000 326,000 286,000 207,000 151,000 152,000

• by David Dale at 04:31 AM
• Comments (89)

The Who We Are update: Week 17

To vote on the most annoying, embarrassing and underrated programs and people on Australian television, go to The Bogies.
To find out what the CIA thinks of Australia, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10am Monday
You can always rely on old Bill. When your audience is sinking, bring out Mr Connolly and he'll put you back on top. Channel Seven, lacking Packed To The Rafters and with Ten eating away at its audience, was neck and neck with Nine for most of the week. But after Saturday, it ended with 28.0 per cent of the prime time audience, while Nine got 26.1 per cent, Ten got 22.8, the ABC got 17.4, and SBS got 5.7.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "On ANZAC Day, the History Channel's production For Valour, documenting the tales of bravery by Australian Victoria Cross winners, premiered with 68,000 viewers. In the same week, Family Guy on FOX8 was watched by 145,000 people, Grand Designs on Lifestyle had its biggest audience this year with 132,000 viewers and 108,000 people watched Law & Order: SVU on TV1. My Family on UKTV had its largest audience year-to-date with 78,000 subscribers and the movie Gone Baby Gone premiered on Movie One with 73,000 viewers. In children's programming, Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney Channel had its best result so far for 2009 with 99,000 viewers while SpongeBob SquarePants on Nickelodeon was seen by 78,000 people this week.

"In sports programming, FOX Sports coverage of Live: NRL Cowboys v Sea Eagles was seen by 330,000 people and is the biggest NRL audience for subscription TV so far this year. Live: AFL West Coast v Western Bulldogs was seen by 223,000 people; the first one day cricket international between Australia and Pakistan, Live: Cricket: ODI Pak v Aust 1st ODI S1, was watched by 150,000 and Live: AFL Teams on Thursday night was had its best result of 2009 with 82,000 viewers (all on FOX Sports).

"Subscription TV was the number one source of television around Australia in the week of ANZAC Day (week 17, 2009). STV channels accounted for 22.5% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, was 21.8% of all regional viewing and 58.8% of all viewing in subscription TV homes"

What Australia watched, week ending April 24
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 UNDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO CITIES -EP1 Nine 1,813,000 530,000 610,000 254,000 182,000 237,000
2 UNDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO CITIES -EP2 Nine 1,803,000 512,000 615,000 268,000 176,000 232,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,649,000 402,000 494,000 334,000 162,000 257,000
4 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,610,000 437,000 467,000 329,000 186,000 191,000
5 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,605,000 439,000 530,000 309,000 154,000 172,000
6 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,522,000 414,000 413,000 290,000 173,000 233,000
7 60 MINUTES Nine 1,507,000 405,000 473,000 338,000 151,000 139,000
8 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,488,000 399,000 464,000 257,000 157,000 210,000
9 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE Seven 1,482,000 446,000 422,000 287,000 128,000 199,000
10 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,477,000 347,000 510,000 210,000 195,000 215,000
11 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,448,000 392,000 399,000 291,000 160,000 206,000
12 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,384,000 427,000 418,000 266,000 153,000 121,000
13 NCIS RPT Ten 1,378,000 386,000 383,000 242,000 182,000 185,000
14 BORDER SECURITY USA Seven 1,366,000 381,000 413,000 288,000 119,000 166,000
15 MISSING PIECES Nine 1,349,000 349,000 435,000 231,000 136,000 198,000
16 10 YEARS YOUNGER IN 10 DAYS Seven 1,348,000 394,000 431,000 181,000 154,000 187,000

• by David Dale at 09:14 AM
• Comments (40)

WHO WE ARE: Happy feats

To discuss what would make you subscribe -- or resubscribe -- to Pay TV, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 12/4/2009
You want to know the secret of human happiness? No problem. The Australian Bureau of Statistics has the answer, as it does for all the important questions of life. The secret amounts to this: stay single, don't smoke, get some extra education, and have a few drinks. Well, OK, you can get married if you like, but don't get divorced. And whatever you do, don't live in Melbourne.

This emerged when the Bureau asked 8,800 Australians between 16 and 85 to rate how happy they were, on a scale from 1 to 7. The question was: "How do you feel about your life as a whole, taking into account what has happened in the last year and what you expect to happen in the future?" and the options were: 1 Delighted; 2 Pleased; 3 Mostly satisfied; 4 Mixed; 5 Mostly dissatisfied; 6 Unhappy; 7 Terrible.

The survey was done in 2007 as part of a national study of mental health, but the results have not been reported till now. Last week this column reported that 82 per cent of Australians said they were delighted, pleased or mostly satisfied with their lives. I asked the Bureau to cross-index the happiness scale with some of the other questions it had asked the sample. Here's how to maximise happiness:

Follow the sun. The bureau found that Brisbane and Perth were the happiest kingdoms of them all -- 55.7 per cent of people in each city rated themselves delighted or pleased. In Sydney, 50.8 per cent were delighted or pleased and 1.8 per cent felt unhappy or terrible. The most miserable city was Melbourne -- only 47.9 per cent of south-easterners were delighted or pleased, while 3.1 per cent felt unhappy or terrible.

Pour another one. When happiness was compared with alcohol consumption, the drinkers won. Among people who had not consumed alcohol in the past 12 months, 44.7 per cent were delighted or pleased, and 3.8 per cent felt unhappy or terrible. Among people who described their alcohol consumption as "At least once a week but less than nearly every day", the figures were 56.6 happy and 1.4 per cent sad. But it's not a case of the more the merrier - among people who drink "nearly every day", 47.2 per cent were happy and 3.2 per cent were sad.

Put out that fag. Among current smokers, 44.3 per cent were happy and 4.3 per cent were sad. Among non-smokers, 53.2 per cent were happy and 1.6 per cent were sad.

Get a degree. Among people who had gained an extra qualification after they left school, 54.8 per cent were happy, compared with 47.0 per cent of people who had only school qualifications.

Stay single or stay married. The happiness score was 53.7 per cent for married people and 53.2 per cent for never married people, but only 37.6 per cent for people who were separated, divorced or widowed.

Get on your feet. Among people who say they do a "high level of exercise", 64.5 per cent are happy, while only 48.4 per cent of low exercisers are happy.

Get rich quick. Yes, money can buy happiness - 57.3 per cent of people in the top 20 per cent of earnings say they are deligted or pleased, compared with 46.1 per cent of people in the bottom 20 per cent. But such is the level of optimism in this country that even the poor stay positive - only 3.7 per cent of the lowest earners say they feel unhappy or terrible. It's the lucky country, after all.

Tell us how this fits with your experience at Comments

• by David Dale at 06:23 AM
• Comments (5)

WHO WE ARE: When it comes to being happy, we are

To decide The Bogie Awards for TV's most embarrassing, annoying and underrated, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun Herald, 5/4/2009
Quick, on a scale from one to seven, rate how happy you are. Assume that 1 means " "I am delighted with my life" and 7 means "I feel terrible". Don't brood on it, just give an instant response. Ask the person nearest you to do the same.

If you rated your happiness level at 3 or better, you're with the vast mass of Australians - 82 per cent of us say we feel delighted, pleased or mostly satisfied with our lives. If your neighbour chose 5 or worse, she's in a tiny minority - only 3.5 per cent of Australians feel terrible, unhappy or mostly dissatisfied.

Yes, we're a cheery lot. In fact, we're cheerier in the late noughties than we were in the late 90s. Back then, only 76 per cent of Australians rated their condition at 1, 2 or 3.

This insight into the mood of Australia is buried within a massive research project conducted by The Bureau of Statistics in 2007. The bureau's experts spent thousands of hours interviewing a sample of 8,800 Australians aged between 16 and 85 about their mental health.

One question involved what the bureau calls the "Delighted/ Terrible scale". The people were asked "How do you feel about your life as a whole, taking into account what has happened in the last year and what you expect to happen in the future?" and shown this list of possible responses: 1 Delighted; 2 Pleased; 3 Mostly satisfied; 4 Mixed; 5 Mostly dissatisfied; 6 Unhappy; 7 Terrible.

It's nothing less than the fundamental question of human existence: "How happy are you?" The results have not been revealed till now, because when the bureau's Australian Social Trends report was released last month, all the focus was on the revelation that 45 per cent of Australians had, at some point in their lives, suffered a mental disorder such as anxiety, depression or substance abuse.

That might give the impression of a sick or sad society. The Delighted/ Terrible Scale suggests otherwise. Out of the 16 million Australians in the age group studied, 2.8 million apparently float around in a state of delight and 5.4 million are smiling, while only 233,000 are unhappy and only 115,000 feel terrible.

Despite stereotypes that men suffer in silence and women complain constantly, there are no significant gender differences at either end of the scale. But there are differences between age groups - though not in the way you'd expect.

The most miserable age group is people between 40 and 49 - 3.7 per cent of them feel unhappy or terrible, compared with 1.5 per cent of people over 70 and 1.1 per cent of people aged 16 to 29. You might speculate that the 40-somethings have the dual worry of their dependent children turning into adults and their parents turning into dependent children.

When the Bureau asked the happiness question ten years ago, it found that 12 per cent of Australians were delighted (compared with 17.5 per cent now) and 1.3 per cent felt terrible (0.7 per cent now).

I've asked the Bureau's boffins to burrow down deeper into the data and tell me if married people are happier than single people, if Sydney is happier than Melbourne, and if drinkers are happier than teetotalers. They promise full details for next week's column.

In the meantime, give us your theories on human happiness at Comments

• by David Dale at 04:09 AM
• Comments (3)

The Who We Are update: Week 14

This week of the blog is now a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. For the latest discussion of popular culture in Australia, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To vote for TV's most embarrassing, annoying and underrated, go to The Bogie Awards.
To name Australia's most thought-provoking places, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
What metaphor should we use for Channel Seven's previously successful programming schedule: a line of dominoes or a house of cards? Either way, the removal of one show almost brought the structure down. Without Packed to the Rafters, Seven was on the brink of turning into number two. It was only the prayers of The Vicar of Dibley that saved Seven on Saturday night.

Seven won the week with 27.7 per cent of the prime time audience. Nine was winning until Saturday, but ended up with 27.4 per cent (and the highest share of viewers aged 18-49). That's because its programming structure is just as fragile, built almost entirely upon Underbelly 2.

Only Ten had any reason to be cracking the champagne this week. Thanks to NCIS, Bondi Rescue, The Biggest Loser and SYTYCDA, it won with viewers aged 16-39 and managed 23.3 per cent of the total audience (with the ABC on a healthy 16.9 and SBS on a sickly 4.7).

Here's Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "The Socceroos set a new audience record for subscription TV when 431,000 viewers watched Live: Football: World Cup Qualifier Aust. v Uzbekistan on FOX Sports, the biggest audience ever to a program on STV. In other sport this week, Live: NRL Storm v Titans was watched by 275,000 people, 223,000 viewers watched Live: AFL Geelong v Richmond, 95,000 watched Live: Rugby Union: S14 Waratahs v Storm and Live: Football: EPL Blackburn v Tott was seen by 82,000 viewers (all on FOX Sports).

"In entertainment programming, Family Guy on FOX8 was seen by 150,000 people, NCIS on TV1 was seen by 131,000 viewers and Grand Designs on Lifestyle had its biggest audience of the year with 88,000 people. 86,000 people watched As the Bell Rings on Disney Channel, Friends on 111 Hits had its best audience of the year-to-date with 81,000 people as did Handy Manny on Playhouse Disney with 74,000 people."

This week we enter the black hole that is the Easter "non-ratings period". This column will continue to update you on how many are watching the parade of repeats and second-raters the networks have planned for us.

What Australia watched, week ending April 4, 2009
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 UNDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO CITIES Nine 2,128,000 689,000 655,000 322,000 214,000 247,000
2 THE FARMER WANTS A WIFE Nine 1,599,000 426,000 513,000 331,000 124,000 204,000
3 BORDER SECURITY Seven 1,559,000 414,000 409,000 341,000 177,000 218,000
4 NCIS Ten 1,552,000 465,000 375,000 344,000 174,000 195,000
5 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,537,000 452,000 409,000 301,000 160,000 215,000
6 CUSTOMS Nine 1,506,000 414,000 477,000 300,000 155,000 161,000
7 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,504,000 514,000 363,000 309,000 139,000 179,000
8 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,489,000 439,000 437,000 256,000 150,000 208,000
9 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,438,000 427,000 435,000 240,000 146,000 191,000
10 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WEIGH-IN Ten 1,420,000 419,000 380,000 322,000 118,000 181,000
11 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,404,000 406,000 383,000 278,000 132,000 205,000
12 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,398,000 375,000 382,000 308,000 126,000 206,000
13 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,395,000 401,000 473,000 187,000 165,000 168,000
14 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,383,000 342,000 328,000 358,000 158,000 197,000
15 THE FARMER WANTS A WIFE -REUNION Nine 1,382,000 367,000 431,000 292,000 116,000 175,000
16 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,376,000 425,000 428,000 265,000 148,000 110,000
17 NCIS RPT Ten 1,338,000 395,000 381,000 261,000 148,000 151,000
18 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,313,000 446,000 372,000 200,000 137,000 158,000
19 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Ten 1,305,000 391,000 404,000 254,000 107,000 149,000
20 CITY HOMICIDE Seven 1,296,000 331,000 417,000 252,000 140,000 156,000

• by David Dale at 09:16 AM
• Comments (49)

WHO WE ARE: Stuck here, might as well make the most of it

To discuss the zeitgeist flick of the Noughties, go to The Tribal Mind.
Go to Your Bogie votes to vent your rage on television.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 29/3/2009
Most Australians, when asked where they'd like to spend their annual holidays, are inclined to say ABBA, which stands for "Anywhere But Bloody Australia". A survey done two years ago for the Department of Tourism concluded: "Travel within Australia does not currently offer the experiences and gratifications sought from a holiday ... Not only is Australia not different, but it has a high degree of perceived homogeneity." In other words, it's the same all over.

The researchers recommended an image-boosting campaign to convince Australians to stay and embrace the boredom. Now that won't be necessary. The global financial crisis is doing the Tourism Department's job for it.

The Tourism Minister, Martin Ferguson, recently found "good news" in Bureau of Statistics figures that suggest "fewer Australians are presently travelling internationally ... Today's statistics are consistent with the anecdotal evidence of recent months suggesting Australians have chosen to holiday at home this summer."

Grudgingly and grumpily we're seeing Australia first. But it doesn't have to be a chore. The tourism research found Australians go overseas because "it is the prospect of a temporary 'new life' that motivates them -- not just in terms of places to see and things to do but also in terms of learning, personal development and gaining genuine social and cultural insights."

Alright, how do we gain the same kind of inspirational and transformational experience within Australia? By going to places that matter - sites that offer an emotional, historical or anthropological point of difference.

And that's where I need your help. I want to construct a list of The 20 Places every Australian Needs To Experience, not for their scenery, but for their significance.

If you were in London, you'd go to Down House and walk in the garden where Charles Darwin thought up the most powerful idea of the 19th century -- the theory of evolution. If you were in Vienna, you'd go to the apartment where Sigmund Freud thought up the most powerful idea of the 20th century - psychoanalysis. In Jerusalem you'd go to the Temple Mount, where Muslims believe the prophet Mohammed was taken to heaven by the angel Gabriel. In New York, you'd go to the hole where the World Trade Centre used to be. In Los Angeles, you'd climb to the Hollywood sign and reflect on how movies changed the world. In Paris you'd sit in the lobby of the Ritz Hotel, where the modern notion of hospitality was perfected.

Here's my first attempt at defining the iconic places of Australia ...

The campsite at Uluru where a dingo took Azaria Chamberlain in 1981 and began one of our greatest mysteries.
The steps of old Parliament House, Canberra, where Gough Whitlam gave his "nothing will save the Governor-General" speech in 1975.
Magill Estate, Adelaide, where Max Schubert first built Grange Hermitage in 1951.
The spot on the Parramatta River, Sydney, where the Aboriginal leader Pemulwuy led his guerilla fighters in a battle against invading British forces in 1797.
Pin Oak Court in the Melbourne suburb of Vermont South, which is the real identity of Ramsay Street, Erinsborough, from which Neighbours displays Australia to the world.
The apartment block in Moncur Street, Woollahra, Sydney, which pretended to be Number 96 in our pioneering TV soap of the 1970s (first bare breasts, first gay kiss, first use of a terrorist bomb to boost ratings).
The shed in Glenunga, Adelaide, where Lance Hill built his rotary clothes hoist in 1945.
The University Cafe in Lygon Street, Melbourne, from where the espresso machine began its conquest of Australia's suburbs in 1952.
Freshwater Beach, Harbord, Sydney, where Duke Kahanamoku, from Hawaii, introduced Australians to surfboard riding in 1915.
Gunlom Falls, in Kakadu National Park, where Crocodile Dundee was filmed in 1985.
The Eureka Stockade near Ballarat, Victoria, where gold miners fought for a republic in 1854.

I know you can think of many more opportunities for "genuine social and cultural insights". Tell us about them at Comments

• by David Dale at 01:01 AM
• Comments (7)

WHO WE ARE: Going forward, lets iterate our nuances

To find out which niche the advertisers put you in, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 22/3/2009
A perfect storm, or, more precisely, a perfect shitstorm, of protest greeted this column's assertion last week that the Buzz Word Of The Year is nuance (see below). Readers accused me of premature expostulation, urging consideration of other fashionable jargon from politics, business, education and sociology before we settle on a winner.

I'd thought I was in the clear when I discovered a reference to my chosen BWOTY in the newsletter Crikey, where Canberra correspondent Bernard Keane described Malcolm Turnbull thus: "His economic message on the stimulus packages -- support for the first package then criticising its impact, opposition to the second package but support for a smaller package of tax cuts and infrastructure investment in the event the Senate blocked it -- has more nuance than, well, Nuanced Jack McNuance, winner of this year's Mr Nuance competition."

But Jim Irvine found inspiration in another politician: "Sorry, you are all wrong. Toxic is gathering a lot of support, thanks to Tony Abbott." And Arthur McKenzie asked: "What about working families, year on year, conduit, securitisation and going forward?" To which Andrew added: "I work in the finance/accounting industry ... the phrases 'Going forward', 'Moving forward' and 'Incentivise' are dropped on the floor like peanut shells."

Stephen Loomes reckoned that "moving forward" had "its bastard birth in the US with Condaleeza Rice, but it has so replaced words such as advanced, progressed or other simpler expressions that it has become a veritable stampede."

Maozze revealed that "in our office, we've developed a measure called the milli-Rudd (mR), that provides a score of buzzwords multiplied by turgidity multiplied by dullness multiplied by blandness. We reckon that to get any document approved by the Boss, you need to score at least 945 mR."

A reader who wished to be called Roger That nominated "iteration" and "iterative': "Whenever someone is trying to make their project sound important, they say 'it's an iterative process'. As far as I can tell, this means they are taking it one step at a time."

But Tassie leapt to the defence of this concept: "Iterative is not the same as repetitive. An iterative process is one in which an action is repeated, with a result which is closer to the desired one on each occasion. For example, creating a form to be filled out is an iterative process; I design the form, people fill it out incorrectly, I alter the form, they make new mistakes, I alter it again to discourage those mistakes, a new requirement comes along ... it will probably never be 'finished' but it is getting better each time." So by this definition, each new iteration is a nuance of the last one?

A little research reveals that "iterative" and "iteration" come from the Latin word "iter", meaning "a journey", which reminds us of the BWOTY for 2008, when every speechmaker at the Oscars, Logies, Grammys, Emmys and AFIs told us they'd been on one.

Dermot Duncan previewed next year's BWOTY: "I recently returned from living in the UK after 7 years: the word I heard the most was 'segue' [pronounced segway]. It supposedly means to 'move seamlessly from one theme/idea to another'. So, it is a 'link'." And if you're segueing, you have to be moving forward.

You can nuance this journey at the online iteration of this column by going forward to Comments.

• by David Dale at 11:17 AM
• Comments (44)

The Who We Are Update: Week 13

This week of the blog is now a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. For the latest discussion of popular culture in Australia, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To nominate Australia's most thought-provoking places, go to Who We Are
To discuss the zeitgeist flick of the Noughties, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
It was a truly polymorphous push for the hearts and minds of Australia last week, instead of the usual bilateral battle in which Nine starts strongly then gets swamped by Seven. Channel Ten got a boost from the start of the aerial pingpong season in Melbourne, and the ABC revelled in Specks, Gruen and its evening news, which is now regularly ahead of Nine's. The ABC's share of the prime time audience -- 17 per cent -- was its highest for the year, as was Ten's 23.1 per cent. Seven got 28.6, Nine got 26.1 and SBS got its usual 5.1.

From this week, the game is about to change, as Seven loses Rafters and City Homicide. But Nine can't have too many more episodes of Underbelly to prop up its Mondays.

And this was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "With the start of the Australian Rules football season, Live: AFL Collingwood v Adelaide on FOX Sports was watched by 260,000 people. The Saturday early evening Rugby League game, Live: NRL Warriors v Broncos, was watched by 279,000 people and the Super 14 clash between the NSW and Auckland Rugby teams on Friday night, Live: Rugby Union: S14 Blues v Waratahs, was seen by 92,000 people. In entertainment programming, Sunday night's NCIS on TV1 drew 128,000 people and Friday's broadcast of Family Guy on FOX8 was watched by 125,000 people."

What Australia watched, week ending March 28
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 UNDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO CITIES Nine 2,069,000 616,000 627,000 359,000 213,000 253,000
2 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 2,033,000 576,000 688,000 344,000 188,000 236,000
3 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,692,000 427,000 554,000 292,000 179,000 240,000
4 BORDER SECURITY Seven 1,573,000 417,000 497,000 310,000 147,000 203,000
5 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,559,000 412,000 382,000 364,000 173,000 229,000
6 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,455,000 390,000 412,000 286,000 163,000 204,000
7 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,433,000 344,000 467,000 257,000 168,000 198,000
8 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,417,000 406,000 435,000 283,000 166,000 129,000
9 NCIS Ten 1,394,000 347,000 368,000 298,000 164,000 217,000
10 TRIPLE ZERO HEROES Seven 1,378,000 362,000 399,000 267,000 139,000 211,000
11 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,348,000 354,000 437,000 226,000 171,000 160,000
12 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,344,000 347,000 382,000 283,000 140,000 191,000
13 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,322,000 372,000 404,000 224,000 150,000 171,000
14 CUSTOMS Nine 1,321,000 366,000 422,000 242,000 138,000 152,000
15 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Ten 1,301,000 379,000 402,000 241,000 140,000 139,000
16 CRIMINAL MINDS Seven 1,287,000 350,000 363,000 242,000 155,000 176,000
17 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WEIGH-IN Ten 1,282,000 385,000 311,000 284,000 146,000 156,000

• by David Dale at 08:10 AM
• Comments (44)

WHO WE ARE: The mysterious conundrum of the puzzle enigma

To report your sightings of 70s symptoms, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 8/3/2009
Australia, a nation founded by criminals, can't get enough of crime thrillers, as in Underbelly, CSI, NCIS, Law and Order, Border Security and City Homicide. The ever helpful Bureau of Statistics has just provided us with an excellent new mystery thriller in its report entitled Criminal Courts, Australia 2007-2008.

Buried in it are these puzzles, upon which you may care to apply your detective skills:

1) Why are people in Canberra more likely to be found not guilty than people in Western Australia (in WA, 91 per cent of defendants are proven guilty, while in the ACT, it's 70 per cent). And why are 22 per cent of cases withdawn by the prosecution in Canberra, while only 1 per cent are withdrawn in Tasmania? Are the police in Canberra less competent than the police in WA and Tasmania, or are the criminals more persuasive? Either way, it's clearly the politicians' fault.

2) You won't be surprised to learn that 86 per cent of defendants in serious cases are male (men are violent creatures, after all), but why did the number of women on trial increase by 9 per cent in 12 months while the number of men increased by only 5 per cent? Are women suffering a surge of testosterone? (The most frequent charges against women are for "acts intended to cause injury", illicit drug offences, and "deception", while for men the top two are the same and the third is sexual assault).

3) How did we suddenly become a nation of bad drivers? The number facing magistrate's court for traffic offences went up by 13 per cent between 2007 and 2008, with speeding charges up 16 per cent. Don't try to blame it on young people, and all that binge drinking. The bureau says "people over 45 were more likely to be charged with speeding than those under 25 ... Around the same proportion of defendants in each age group were charged with exceeding the prescribed content of alcohol limit."

4) Where did all the burglars go? Between 2002 and 2008, the number of defendants charged with "unlawful entry with intent" decreased by 44 per cent (while sexual assault charges rose by 32 per cent and drug charges rose 30 per cent). You can grudgingly admire the skill of a cat burglar, while it takes no talent to deal drugs.

5) Since 61 per cent of defendants in serious cases are under 34, do we conclude that older people are more honest than younger people or that they are simply cleverer at getting away with it?

6) Why do the wheels of justice grind ever more slowly? In 2002, one third of cases in the higher courts were finalised in less than 13 weeks, and only 14 per cent took more than 52 weeks. In 2008, only 17 per cent took less than 13 weeks, while a quarter of cases took longer than 52 weeks.

If you think you understand this nation of convicts, and can answer any or all of these questions, offer your solutions at Comments.

To read the full report, go here.

• by David Dale at 03:58 AM
• Comments (2)

The Who We Are update: Week 12

To find out which niche the advertisers put you in, go to The Tribal Mind.

To nuance the Buzz Word of the Year, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
Channel Seven won the week, averaging 28.5 per cent of the prime time audience, while Nine got 26.7 per cent (thanks to U2 and Customs), Ten 22.7 (thanks to dancers and NCIS), ABC 16.8 (Thanks to Specks and Gruen) and SBS 5.3 (thanks to Top Gear). With Packed To The Rafters taking a break for a few months, Seven may have trouble holding its lead next week.

This was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "Rugby League, Rugby Union and cricket drew great audiences on FOX Sports viewers. Live: NRL Dragons v Titans was watched by 282,000 viewers; the first day's play in the final test in South Africa, Live: Cricket: Test RSA v Aus Day 1 S1, was viewed by 277,000 people and 88,000 people watched the NSW Waratahs play the Canterbury Crusaders in Live: Rugby Union: S14 Waratahs v Crus. On Sky Racing, Sky Raceday also proved popular, being seen by 69,000 people.

"In entertainment programming, numerous programs achieved record audiences. TV1's NCIS was watched by 147,000 people, the program's biggest audience ever. On Sunday morning, The Simpsons on FOX8 drew 110,000 people and Disney Channel's Hannah Montana was watched by 93,000. This week, Bargain Hunt on Lifestyle was seen by 80,000, Waking the Dead on UKTV had its largest audience since 2007 with 79,000 viewers and Motorway Cops on Crime and Investigation also had an all-time record audience with 77,000 people. That '70s Show on 111 Hits was watched by 71,000 people (a record for the program on the channel) and Handy Manny was seen by 66,000 people, a record for the program too. "

What Australia watched, week ending March 21
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 UNDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO CITIES Nine 2,174,000 632,000 728,000 374,000 205,000 236,000
2 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,887,000 536,000 618,000 332,000 182,000 219,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,583,000 388,000 442,000 348,000 175,000 231,000
4 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,558,000 427,000 469,000 282,000 164,000 217,000
5 BORDER SECURITY Seven 1,523,000 424,000 480,000 296,000 141,000 182,000
6 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,502,000 421,000 435,000 277,000 157,000 213,000
7 CUSTOMS Nine 1,469,000 360,000 508,000 307,000 147,000 147,000
8 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,459,000 370,000 394,000 313,000 163,000 219,000
9 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,450,000 350,000 476,000 321,000 173,000 130,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,365,000 342,000 372,000 302,000 149,000 200,000
11 NCIS Ten 1,359,000 412,000 323,000 259,000 170,000 196,000
12 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,333,000 340,000 413,000 253,000 135,000 192,000
13 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,330,000 433,000 297,000 288,000 129,000 184,000
14 60 MINUTES Nine 1,327,000 367,000 398,000 273,000 139,000 149,000
15 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,325,000 365,000 402,000 266,000 138,000 155,000
16 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Ten 1,292,000 351,000 395,000 270,000 123,000 154,000

• by David Dale at 05:20 AM
• Comments (64)

The Who We Are update: Week 11

To discuss whether alarmed Australians have started cocooning again, go to The Tribal Mind.

To get an early clue on what will be the Buzz Word of the Year, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
Having two hit shows is not enough. Underbelly wins Monday night for Nine, and Two and a Half Men performs well every night, but Seven has fallen into the comfortable pattern of averaging 29.4 per cent of the prime time audience, while Nine manages 27.8, Ten 21.5, ABC 16.0 and SBS 5.3. The only difference this week will be a rise for the ABC, thanks to the arrival of The Gruen Transfer. Lets call it now: Nine is stuffed for the year.

Here's Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "On Saturday evening, Live: Sound Relief Melbourne was watched by an average 220,000 viewers, while Live: Sound Relief Sydney was watched by 121,000 people. Across the day, 1.2m viewers turned into the concerts, which were broadcast live in their entirety by Channel [V] from the MCG in Melbourne and by Max from the SCG in Sydney. In other entertainment programming this week, Twister on TV1 was watched by 122,000 people.

"In sport, Live: Cricket: Test RSA v AUS Day 4 S1 was watched by 353,000 people, the first week of the NRL saw 296,000 viewers watch Live: NRL Bulldogs v Sea Eagles and 241 watch Warrior v Eels. Live: Rugby Union: S14 Brum v Waratahs was seen by 120,000 subscribers. STV channels accounted for 24.5% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, was 22.5% of all regional viewing and 61.8% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending March 14
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 UNDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO CITIES Nine 2,269,000 731,000 690,000 358,000 214,000 275,000
2 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,817,000 524,000 574,000 306,000 199,000 214,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,602,000 436,000 393,000 416,000 140,000 217,000
4 BORDER SECURITY Seven 1,548,000 512,000 389,000 346,000 122,000 179,000
5 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,545,000 383,000 498,000 299,000 178,000 187,000
6 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,468,000 390,000 401,000 306,000 165,000 207,000
7 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,416,000 355,000 412,000 312,000 160,000 176,000
8 NCIS Ten 1,412,000 391,000 392,000 287,000 165,000 176,000
9 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,345,000 344,000 397,000 290,000 133,000 181,000
10 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,344,000 351,000 407,000 274,000 151,000 161,000
11 CRIMINAL MINDS Seven 1,337,000 345,000 413,000 277,000 137,000 166,000
12 CUSTOMS Nine 1,334,000 369,000 403,000 274,000 136,000 152,000
13 TRIPLE ZERO HEROES Seven 1,334,000 395,000 327,000 308,000 119,000 185,000
14 ADULTS ONLY 20 TO 1 Nine 1,317,000 398,000 406,000 238,000 131,000 144,000
15 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,316,000 367,000 433,000 200,000 166,000 149,000
16 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,301,000 334,000 350,000 290,000 141,000 186,000
17 CRIME INVESTIGATION AUSTRALIA Nine 1,238,000 426,000 344,000 182,000 112,000 174,000
18 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,220,000 379,000 388,000 167,000 142,000 144,000
19 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,214,000 378,000 373,000 259,000 122,000 81,000
20 TWO AND A HALF MEN -MON Nine 1,196,000 325,000 376,000 253,000 111,000 131,000

• by David Dale at 09:09 AM
• Comments (64)

WHO WE ARE: It's not what you read, or how, but whether

To nominate the most annoying, embarrassing and underrated people or programs for TV's Bogie Awards, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 1/3/2009
Does anybody actually read any more -- in the sense of taking pleasure in turning the pages of a printed object, as opposed to scanning a computer screen? Amazingly, the answer might be yes, if we're to believe the latest reports of the Audit Bureau of Circulations and ACNeilsen Bookscan. It seems that accounts of the death of print have been somewhat exaggerated.

Check out Australia's main reading habits in the past 12 months:

Books: 4 Ingredients by Kim McCosker and Rachel Bermingham, sold 288,000 copies in 2008 (bringing total sales to 800,000); Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer, 235,000; New Moon, by Stephenie Meyer, 217,000; Tales of Beedle the Bard, by J. K. Rowling, 201,000; Underbelly: The Gangland War, by John Silvester and Andrew Rule, 176,000 copies.

Newspapers: The Sunday Telegraph 653,000 a week; The Sunday Herald-Sun, Melbourne, 607,000; The Sunday Mail, Brisbane, 551,000; The Herald-Sun Monday to Friday 515,000; The Sun-Herald 473,000.

Magazines: Women's Weekly 491,000 a month; Woman's Day 406,000 a week; Better Homes and Gardens 380,000 a month; Readers Digest 345,000 a month; New Idea 320,000 a week.

The Audit Bureau reveals that the sales of Better Homes and Gardens rose 9 per cent in the past 12 months, while Health Smart rose 19 per cent, Women's Health rose 15 per cent, and Men's Health rose 11 per cent. In addition, Top Gear mag was launched, with sales of 85,000 a month, and new Grazia is selling 65,000 a week.

Sounds pretty optimistic, doesn't it? Well, to be completely honest, there's more bad news than good on the literacy front. Over the past five years total newspaper sales have been declining at the rate of two per cent a year, and magazine sales at the rate of six per cent. In the past 12 months, capital city newspapers lost 193,000 regular buyers, and magazines lost 561,000 regular buyers.

The biggest losers are the weekly scandal sheets (NW is down 16 per cent and New Idea is down 15 per cent) and the lads mags (FHM is down 24 per cent and Ralph is down 22 per cent). It seems we're no longer interested in gossip and cleavages. Or we've found a more consistent source of titillation.

Just for comparison, here's the latest data I can find on Australia's internet usage. A Roy Morgan Single Source survey conducted in the second half of 2008 found these were the websites most visited by Australians: Google Search, with 11.98 million visitors a month (up 12 per cent in a year); Ninemsn 8.33 million (up 9 per cent); Telstra Bigpond 5.68 million (up 16 per cent); Yahoo!7 4.42m (up 14); Fairfax Digital 4.03m (up 11).

Should literacy-lovers panic? Of course not. If the answer to the question "What do Australians mainly read?" turns out to be Google, that sounds quite a bit better than the answer I'd have given ten years ago, which would have been "the gossip weeklies".

When they use Google, Australians are seeking the answer to a question -- an admirable process that used to be called scholarship. It involves a more active form of reading than 4 Ingredients or Better Homes and Gardens or the mating habits of Lindsay Lohan. Who knew we had become such serious souls?

Is print dying, and if so, does it matter? Tell us at Comments

• by David Dale at 12:44 PM
• Comments (48)

The Who We Are update: Week 10

To learn why Australia is losing its virginity again, go to The Tribal Mind.

To find out what, how and whether Australians read, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 8 am Monday
Channel Seven easily won the first "normal" week of the ratings year, averaging 30.0 per cent of the prime time audience, to Nine's 27.0 (Ten 21.7 thanks to NCIS and SYTYCDA, ABC 15.4, thanks to Spicks and Specks, and SBS 5.5, thanks to Top Gear).

This is likely to be the pattern for the first half. Nine is already so resigned to losing that it does not even quote the "total people" results in its weekly release, restricting itself to narrower audience bands such as 16-39 and 25-54, where it does better.

This was Pay TV's acount of itself for the week: "The Australian cricket team's tour of South Africa proved popular this week with Friday night's live coverage of the second test, Live: Cricket: Test RSA v Aus Day 1 S2, watched by 355,000 viewers (the second highest audience ever for cricket on subscription TV). In other sport, Live: AFL: NAB Cup Carlton v Hawthorn was seen by 225,000 people, the Socceroos' efforts to compete in the next Asian Football Cup were viewed by 198,000 people in Live: Football: AFC Asian Cup Qualifiers Aust v Kuwait and the Rugby rivalry between NSW & Queensland drew 145,000 people to Friday night's match Live: Rugby Union: S14 Waratahs v Reds (all on FOX Sports).

"In entertainment programming, The Simpsons on FOX8 on Saturday morning was watched by 140,000 people, Family Guy (also on FOX8) on Tuesday night was seen by 116,000 and TV1's broadcast of NCIS on Sunday night was viewed by 106,000 people. In week 10, for the third week in a row, subscription TV was the number one source of television across Australia. STV channels accounted for 24.7% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight,"

What Australia watched, week ending March 7
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 UNDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO CITIES Nine 2,234,000 720,000 739,000 365,000 197,000 214,000
2 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,875,000 547,000 621,000 297,000 175,000 235,000
3 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,641,000 415,000 570,000 285,000 151,000 221,000
4 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,546,000 416,000 484,000 291,000 142,000 214,000
5 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,514,000 391,000 450,000 294,000 175,000 204,000
6 BORDER SECURITY Seven 1,490,000 397,000 479,000 310,000 141,000 164,000
7 NCIS Ten 1,480,000 445,000 397,000 298,000 162,000 178,000
8 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,473,000 368,000 432,000 338,000 148,000 186,000
9 CUSTOMS Nine 1,374,000 427,000 390,000 254,000 144,000 158,000
10 CRIMINAL MINDS Seven 1,361,000 359,000 396,000 261,000 156,000 188,000
11 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,343,000 329,000 459,000 237,000 157,000 162,000
12 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,341,000 330,000 396,000 274,000 149,000 192,000
13 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,335,000 397,000 376,000 258,000 138,000 165,000
14 TRIPLE ZERO HEROES Seven 1,320,000 331,000 407,000 296,000 133,000 153,000
15 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Ten 1,296,000 384,000 460,000 250,000 103,000 99,000
16 NCIS RPT Ten 1,270,000 371,000 360,000 236,000 149,000 153,000
17 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,267,000 359,000 326,000 284,000 146,000 152,000
18 CITY HOMICIDE Seven 1,253,000 315,000 397,000 253,000 130,000 157,000
Continued here.

• by David Dale at 09:03 AM
• Comments (83)

The Who We Are update: Week 9

To find out what, how and whether Australians read, go to Who We Are.

To nominate the most annoying, embarrassing and underrated people or programs for this year's Bogie awards, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
Despite having the most watched series and the most successful Oscars broadcast in years, Channel Nine could not win the week. This seems likely to be the pattern for the first half of 2009: Seven averaged 28.5 per cent of the prime time audience, while Nine got 27.9, Ten 21.3 (thanks to NCIS, SYTYCDA and LTM), ABC 16.1 (thanks mainly to Spicks and Specks, with The Gruen Transfer bound to boost the numbers from mid-March) and SBS 6.1 (a rise due almost entirely to Top Gear, which seems to have stolen viewers from Underbelly by going half an hour longer than usual).

Is this column silly enough to predict the year, only two weeks into "official" ratings? You bet we are. Seven to win, with slightly reduced audience share, Nine up slightly, Ten the same, ABC down slightly, SBS the same.

And of course, Pay TV will be up considerably, mainly due to sport. This was Pay's account of itself for last week: "For the second week running, subscription TV was the number one source of TV viewing across Australia. In week 9, 2009 STV channels accounted for 24.2% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, was 21.9% of all regional viewing and 61.2% of all viewing in subscription TV homes. This week in particular saw an abundance of high quality sporting events on subscription TV as the summer seasons finished and the winter competitions commenced.

"Live: Cricket: Test RSA v Aus Session 2 was watched by 307,000 viewers on Saturday night; 246,000 viewers watched Melbourne Victory prevail over Adelaide FC in Live: Football: A-League Grand Final and 172,000 watched the thrilling conclusion of the domestic one day cricket as Queensland beat Victoria in Live: Cricket: Ford Ranger Cup Final. With the commencement of the winter football codes, Live: AFL: NAB Cup Sydney v Port Adel was watched by 154,000 people; 106,000 subscribers watched the Rabitohs beat St. George in their traditional season opener Live: Rugby League: Charity Shield and 100,000 watched the Waratahs win their third game on the trot in Live: Rugby Union: S14 W'tahs v H'land. In entertainment programming, The Simpsons on Saturday morning was watched by 156,000 people, and M*A*S*H on Tuesday night was seen by 104,000."

What Australia watched, week ending February 28
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 UNDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO CITIES Nine 2,334,000 783,000 722,000 373,000 214,000 242,000
2 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,839,000 566,000 597,000 309,000 165,000 202,000
3 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,635,000 475,000 505,000 282,000 171,000 202,000
4 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,507,000 422,000 457,000 278,000 165,000 185,000
5 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,440,000 383,000 409,000 278,000 170,000 200,000
6 NCIS Ten 1,388,000 413,000 356,000 295,000 155,000 168,000
7 BORDER SECURITY Seven 1,384,000 376,000 457,000 268,000 126,000 157,000
8 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,370,000 397,000 420,000 257,000 139,000 157,000
9 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,365,000 366,000 392,000 255,000 151,000 201,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,337,000 344,000 373,000 286,000 142,000 193,000
11 CRIMINAL MINDS Seven 1,333,000 364,000 396,000 261,000 143,000 169,000
12 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Ten 1,315,000 398,000 414,000 257,000 105,000 142,000
13 CUSTOMS Nine 1,313,000 395,000 386,000 263,000 118,000 151,000
14 60 MINUTES Nine 1,289,000 354,000 383,000 267,000 139,000 145,000

• by David Dale at 10:37 AM
• Comments (51)

WHO WE ARE: The loved ones

To nominate people or programs for this year's Bogie awards, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 22/2/2009
IT'S A COMPLIMENT to the good taste of Australians that, when polled on the people they like best, they agree on this top ten:

1. Hugh Jackman
2 Andrew Denton
3 Jennifer Hawkins
4 Ernie Dingo
5 Dave Hughes
6 Magda Szubanski
7 Glenn Robbins
8 Hamish Blake
9 John Clarke
10 Shane Bourne.

Those results emerged last November when an organization called Audience Development Australia showed 600 photos to a sample of 2000 adults in Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane, and asked them to say who they recognised and how much they liked them on a scale from 0 to 4. The research, called the Q Scores, is bought by television networks who want to know if they are paying their personalities too little or too much.

You'd be tempted to conclude that the qualities Australians value in a public figure, apart from pleasant looks, are intelligence, irreverence, curiosity, independence, enthusiasm, straightforwardness, and a capacity for self-mockery.

Hugh Jackman displayed most of those qualities when he hosted the Oscars.

Perhaps you are dubious about using one survey as an indicator of national values. Is a sample of 2000 people on the east coast enough to reveal the attitudes of "real Australia"? As it happens, there is support for the Q Scores from another survey, conducted on a different group of 1000 Australians at the end of last year by UMR Research.

They were shown a list and asked this question: "On a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 is strongly negative and 10 is strongly positive, please indicate how you feel about each of the following people." They also had the option to tick "never heard of".

In the "UMR Celebrity Report Card", these personalities were rated most positively: 1 Hugh Jackman; 2 Geoffrey Rush; 3 Cate Blanchett; 4 Andrew Denton; 5 Eric Bana.

The least-liked personalities (in order of negativity) were: 1 Kyle Sandilands; 2 Lara Bingle; 3 Sophie Monk; 4 Paul Hogan; 5 Bert Newton.

Kyle Sandilands scored 50 per cent negative and 18 per cent "never heard of", while Bert Newton scored 36 per cent negative and 2 per cent "never heard of". This is sad news for Bert, who has suffered a total turnaround in five years. When the Q Scores survey was conducted in 2004, these people were the nation's most recognized and most liked: 1 Magda Szubanski; 2 Andrew Denton; 3 Ernie Dingo; 4 Rove McManus; 5 John Wood; 6 Bert Newton; 7 Jamie Durie; 8 John Clarke; 9 Lisa McCune; 10 Sigrid Thornton.

Back then, Bert Newton possessed the qualities his compatriots admire. Now he seems to have overstayed his welcome, joining Sandilands and Hogan in that miserable category which Australians tend to label "Celebrities Who Are Up Themselves".

Meanwhile, four people have remained high in our estimation throughout the decade: Denton, Szubanski, Dingo and Clarke. That's the kind of revelation that makes me feel proud to be Australian.

Tell us at Comments if you agree that Australians have good taste.

• by David Dale at 04:12 PM
• Comments (18)

The Who We Are update: Week 8

To nominate people or programs for this year's Bogie awards, go to The Tribal Mind.
To find out who Australians like the best, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 8am Monday
It's got to be a bad omen for Channel Nine. In a week when it had the top program, with record ratings, it was nevertheless beaten by Channel Seven. The average prime time audience shares went like this: Seven 29.2 per cent; Nine 27.5; Ten 21.5; ABC 16.2; SBS 5.4. Nine just can't get past Seven's Tuesday punch.

Pay TV gave this account of itself for the week: "Subscription TV was the number one source of TV viewing across Australia in week 8 of 2009. STV channels accounted for 23.7% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, was 22.1% of all regional viewing and 60.1% of all viewing in subscription TV homes, more than any other network in all of those markets. In live sport this week, Live: Rugby Union: S14 Waratahs v Chiefs on FOX Sports drew 167,000 viewers, Live: AFL: NAB Cup Hawthorn v Melbourne was watched by 142,000 people and the preliminary final of the A-League competition, Live: Football: A-League PF Adel v Qld, was seen by 124,000 subscribers. In entertainment programming, Family Guy on FOX8 was watched by 153,000 people and NCIS on TV1 was watched by 135,000 people. In addition, the premiere of the Will Smith movie I Am Legend on Movie One drew 128,000 people, and 106,000 people watched Hannah Montana on Disney Channel."

What Australia watched, week ending February 21
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 UNDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO CITIES Nine 2,476,000 823,000 778,000 369,000 241,000 265,000
2 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,740,000 557,000 514,000 293,000 163,000 213,000
3 TWENTY/20 - AUSTRALIA V NEW ZEALAND Nine 1,626,000 482,000 487,000 320,000 184,000 153,000
4 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,617,000 434,000 427,000 422,000 154,000 180,000
5 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,592,000 462,000 525,000 303,000 131,000 172,000
6 BORDER SECURITY Seven 1,525,000 376,000 505,000 332,000 132,000 180,000
7 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,497,000 401,000 422,000 300,000 165,000 209,000
8 CUSTOMS Nine 1,478,000 469,000 426,000 258,000 153,000 172,000
9 TRIPLE ZERO HEROES Seven 1,453,000 388,000 466,000 294,000 113,000 191,000
10 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,417,000 382,000 434,000 285,000 154,000 163,000
11 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,389,000 368,000 450,000 282,000 114,000 175,000
12 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Ten 1,372,000 412,000 460,000 244,000 127,000 129,000
13 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 1,371,000 393,000 366,000 318,000 133,000 160,000

• by David Dale at 09:45 AM
• Comments (54)

WHO WE ARE: Get together, one more time

To join the postmortem on Australia, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 15/2/2008
So the Gen Xers hate the Boomers because the Boomers won't hand over their jobs, and the Boomers hate Gen Y because they won't stick at anything for more than two years. The iGens hate Boomers, Xers and Ys because they ruined the planet, and the Xers hate the iGens because they want everything right away, without working for it, and don't even bother to use spellcheck.

It's amazing that civil war didn't break out long ago in this country, if we're to judge by the rage provoked by last week's column, which discussed how the Bureau of Statistics is using the term "iGeneration" for people born after 1986. Reading the responses, I was reminded of this song:

Five to one, baby, one in five.
No one here gets out alive.
The old get older and the young get stronger.
May take a week and it may take longer.
They got the guns but we got the numbers.
Gonna win, yeah, we're takin' over.
(Go here to hear it)

Five to One was the anthem of the Baby Boomers, written by The Doors in 1968 in response to statistics showing that people aged under 40 outnumbered the oldies five to one.

Now, of course, it's the boomers who are over 40, and who have the guns. But they are outnumbered by Generation X, Generation Y and the iGeneration -- not quite five to one, but easily two to one. Here's how the Bureau divides the nation:

Generation XY (born between 1966 and 1986): There are 5.5 million of them, of whom 49 per cent live with a romantic partner and 16 per cent live with their parents; 25 per cent have a university degree; 56 per cent describe themselves as Christians; and 5 per cent are unemployed (compared with 3 per cent of boomers). The bureau says they were "the first generation to experience increased rates of parental separation and divorce. They are also regarded as having fewer opportunities than their baby boomer predecessors, being the first to experience user-pays higher education and job insecurity. When Generation X and Y were entering the workforce, unemployment levels were high."

The iGen (born after 1986): There are 5.3 million of them. Go here to learn more.

The boomers (born between 1946 and 1966): There are 5.5 million of them, of whom 68 per cent are living with a romantic partner; and 67 per cent describe themselves as Christians. The bureau says: "As the first group to be raised with televisions in their homes, boomers were exposed to world events including the Cold War, the Viet Nam war, the sexual revolution, peace movements and the birth of rock and roll. They are considered more liberal minded than Australia's older generations." They were once called The Me Generation, because they were perceived to be self-indulgent, but apparently, the ballroom days are over.

The Lucky Generation (1926-1946): There are 2.9 million of them, of whom 61 per cent are living with a romantic partner; 36 per cent were born overseas and 69 per cent are "not in the labour force". The bureau calls them lucky because "as young adults they experienced full employment and prosperity during the post World War II economic boom."

The oldest (born before 1926): There are 727,000 of them, of whom 39 per cent left school at year 8 or below (compared with 2 per cent of Gen X); 33 per cent are living alone; 17 per cent are in nursing homes; and 80 per cent are Christian.

When the civil war comes, which group will emerge the winner? Tell us at Comments

• by David Dale at 06:11 AM
• Comments (28)

WHO WE ARE: From Me to i

To learn why Jelena Dokic should play Meryl Streep in her biopic, and vice versa, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 8/2/2009
At last, there's a clever new tool for analysing our society - and it has official sanction.

Remember the golden age (the 80s and 90s) when the pop sociologists seemed to come up with a new label every week - first they talked about
Baby boomers (people born between the end of World War Two and the start of the Vietnam War), then
Yuppies (Young Upwardly-mobile Professionals),
DINKS (Double income No Kids),
Sitcoms (Single Income Two Children Oppressive Mortgage),
SKINs (parents who Spend the Kids' Inheritance Now) and, best of all,
Generation X, a term invented in 1991 by the novelist Douglas Coupland to cover people born between 1965 and 1976, who supposedly felt overshadowed by the boomers.
Then the labellers ran out of imagination. People a bit younger than Generation X were lazily called Generation Y, and we were facing the prospect of Generation Z for those who came after them. But the Bureau of Statistics has fixed that. In its latest report, it has laid down all the social labels we need, and for people born between 1986 and 2006, it has created the term The iGeneration.

This clarification comes just in time. A lot of nonsense is being written in the name of demographic dissection. For example, in a book called Please Just F* off ... It's our turn now, the Australian author Ryan Heath offers these generationalisations:

"Boomers are particularly skilled at whining and slutting their way into society's spotlight ... It's Boomer suburbanites, your Kath and your Kel, who are the majority. They are usually conservative, materialistic and insular ...

"Generation X was a label for drifters with an embittered but denied sense of entitlement and removed from any actual demographic trend ...

"Whereas Boomers wallow in remembrance of the good ol' days, [Generation Y] live change everyday, and rather like it ... My generation is populated by strong and professional individuals with resilience, ideas and critical capabilities ... We are flexible, resilient and can multi-task well. [But] We are often so busy being Yeppies (Young Experimenting Perfection Seekers) -- unable to commit to love or a career because we can never meet our unreasonable expectations".

Sound like anybody you know? The Bureau takes a different approach. Instead of fomenting generational warfare, it uses data from the 2006 census to divide us into five categories: 1 The Oldest Australians (born before 1926); 2 The Lucky Generation (born between 1926 and 1946); 2 Baby Boomers (1946-1966); 4 Generation X and Y (1966-1986); and 5 The iGeneration (born after 1986).

The Bureau says the last group is the most technological and the least spiritual of all the five, which has significant implications for the future shape of society: "They take computers and the internet and a host of electronic consumables, such as DVDs, mobile phones and MP3 players, for granted," says the Bureau. "In 2006, 80 per cent of the youngest generation had access to the internet at home ... The iGeneration, along with Generation X and Y, are the most secular generations, with almost one in four reporting no religion." By comparison, only 9 per cent of the over 60s and 17 per cent of the 40-60s say they follow no faith (go here to read the bureau's report).

So our society is about to be taken over by a generation of geeky heathens.

We'll continue this discussion next week, with full analysis of Boomers, Xers, Luckies and iGens. In the meantime, go to Comments to tell us if you think the Bureau has got it right

• by David Dale at 03:18 AM
• Comments (59)

WHO WE ARE: The national pick-me-up

To take the quiz on how well you understand Australia's tastes in entertainment, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 1/2/2009
Adopting and adapting: That's Australia's specialty. We may not initiate many big ideas that change the world, but we're brilliant at borrowing small ideas and making them our own - for example, the bikini, barbecues, Vegemite, thongs and the poker machine. In that context, I want to examine this question today: what is Australian's national dish?

Last year this column answered the question with spaghetti bolognese, which Australians make at home as often they order it when they're out. But now I want to put up a different candidate: tiramisu.

I spent a week in Paris just after Christmas, and I was fascinated to observe that tiramisu is the latest craze there. It's on the dessert menu of every modest-priced restaurant (along with the Paris cliches of creme caramel and rice pudding), and a packaged version is prominently displayed in every supermarket under the title "Tiramisu Italien". So the culinary capital of the world has finally discovered a dish that Australians had the good taste to embrace nearly 30 years ago.

Yes, it's another Aussie claim to fame: In its relentless conquest of the planet, tiramisu reached us first. It was brought here in 1977 by Giuseppe Zuzza, an immigrant from north east Italy. He had been lucky enough to be working as a waiter in the town of Treviso (near Venice) -- the area where tiramisu was invented in 1972 as a way of using up old coffee

(Some scholars claim the dish was actually invented in the town of Trieste in the 1950s, and was only given its name -- which translates as "pick me up" -- in Treviso. That's uncannily similar to the dispute between Australia and New Zealand over the origins of the pavlova, which was invented there and named here.)

Giuseppe Zuzza first served it in a Sydney restaurant called Darcy's, and it became his signature dish when he opened his own place, The Mixing Pot in the Sydney suburb of Glebe, in 1980. Customers responded instantly to the layers of coffee-soaked sponge covered with mascarpone, other restaurants rushed to copy it, and the fad began.

Tiramisu's next victim was America. In 1993, screenwriter Nora Ephron used it as a sociological signifier in the movie Sleepless in Seattle. Tom Hanks plays a widower about to go on a date for the first time in 13 years.

His friend, played by Rob Reiner, tells him dating is now a different process from when he was last "out there" because, for example, the woman will pay for her own meal, and in the unlikely event they end up having sex, he'll have to use a condom. And, of course, there is now tiramisu ...

"Hanks: What is tiramisu? Reiner: You'll find out. Hanks: Well, what is it? Reiner: You'll see! Hanks: You better tell me. Some woman is gonna want me to do it to her and I'm not gonna know what it is."

Millions of Australians had no trouble getting the joke because we'd been doing it to each other for 13 years by then. And it was another 15 years before the Parisians got around to sharing our pleasure.

If tiramisu symbolises the way Australian foodies are decades ahead of the French, then I'd say it -- along with Giusepe Zuzza -- is a prime candidate for national recognition. What do you think?

Go to Comments to tell us what should be the national dish

• by David Dale at 11:54 AM
• Comments (42)

The Who We Are update: Week 7

This week of the blog is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer immediate. For the latest discussion of Australia's popular culture, go here.
To discuss if Gen X and Y can overcome the boomers, go to Who We Are.
To join the postmortem on Australia, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 9 am Monday
It was a week of guns, breasts, balls and ashes, with Nine dominating on the first three and Seven dominating on the last. Underbelly 2 gave Nine such a commanding lead on Monday, backed up by the cricket, that Seven could not recover, despite strong bushfire coverage.

Nine won the first official ratings week with 31.6 per cent of the prime time audience (Seven 27.5, Ten 20.4, ABC 15.5, SBS 5.0). The ABC is in a slump, with no programs in the top 30 and its million-plus efforts confined to Spicks and Specks and The 7.30 Report. SBS did best with Top Gear (808,000), Mythbusters (473,000), Long Way Down (383,000) and Rockwiz (359,000).

Ten would be disappointed with The Biggest Loser, but delighted with the continuing success of its new 9.30pm shows Lie To Me and Life on Mars. Are brisk three-word titles the new black in television?

The most watched shows on Pay TV last week included Soccer World Cup Qualifier Japan v Aus (Fox Sports 3) 273,000; The Simpsons (Fox 8) 204,000; NCIS (TV1) 174,000; and Bushfires live coverage (Sky news) 158,000.

What Australia watched, week ending February 14
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 UNDERBELLY: A TALE OF TWO CITIES - EPISODE 1 Nine 2,582,000 831,000 871,000 414,000 208,000 259,000
2 UNDERBELLYmEPISODE 2 Nine 2,397,000 767,000 818,000 362,000 215,000 236,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUNDAY Seven 1,896,000 530,000 518,000 389,000 176,000 283,000
4 NINE NEWS - SUNDAY Nine 1,896,000 568,000 774,000 320,000 234,000
5 BORDER SECURITY Seven 1,786,000 470,000 528,000 398,000 151,000 241,000
6 TRIPLE ZERO HEROES Seven 1,725,000 481,000 536,000 331,000 148,000 228,000
7 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,688,000 527,000 536,000 278,000 151,000 196,000
8 CUSTOMS Nine 1,671,000 519,000 543,000 314,000 128,000 167,000
9 SEVEN NEWS - EXTENDED BUSHFIRE EDITION Seven 1,637,000 431,000 442,000 351,000 194,000 219,000
10 SUNDAY NIGHT Seven 1,634,000 434,000 472,000 378,000 132,000 218,000
11 SEVEN NEWS - MON-FRI Seven 1,608,000 442,000 437,000 317,000 181,000 231,000
12 ONE DAY CRICKET - ANZ GAME 3 PRIMETIME Nine 1,567,000 479,000 514,000 276,000 176,000 121,000
13 SEVEN NEWS - EXTENDED BUSHFIRE EDITION Seven 1,539,000 394,000 428,000 308,000 171,000 238,000
14 NCIS Ten 1,457,000 358,000 460,000 283,000 159,000 197,000
15 ONE DAY CRICKET GAME 4 PRIMETIME Nine 1,444,000 468,000 439,000 293,000 133,000 112,000

• by David Dale at 12:33 AM
• Comments (85)

WHO WE ARE: Can the dingo lie down with the octopus?

To take the quiz on how well you understand Australia's tastes, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 25/1/2009
There is no law that compels a country to have native animals on its coat of arms. A lion and a unicorn support the shield of the United Kingdom, and at least one of those never roamed the forests of Albion, despite what Harry Potter might say.

The lion is also the emblem of Germany and India. Thailand and Indonesia display a creature called a garuda (half man, half eagle). America calls its coat of arms "a great seal", although it features a great eagle (also on Russia's). Canada, which you'd expect to feature a seal (clubbed), has simply copied Britain -- with even less historical claim on the lion and the unicorn.

So those who oppose the addition of a dingo to Australia's coat of arms are making no point at all when they argue that the "native dog" arrived here as a pet only a few thousand years ago.

Last week this column pointed out that the dingo has given Australia an international reputation, what with all the references in popular culture to the eating of babies. In return, I argued, we should honour it, perhaps curled up in front of our shield, at the feet of the roo and the emu.

(Digression: Such a configuration would permit this column's other campaign - to have an octopus sitting on top of the shield, with arms extended to cuddle both the roo and the emu. This would emphasise our dependence on the ocean, since 80 per cent of Australians live within 50 km of it, as well as recent changes in our eating habits, whereby a food source ignored by the English immigrants is now chilli-coated and char-grilled by pony-tailed chefs across the land. For the octopus case, go to Forewarned is eight-armed).

Some readers found the whole idea of dingo-recognition offensive. S. McCarthy wrote: "What a lot of rot. National icon, how about national pest? Do you realise how much damage dogs cause the agricultural industry? Get a grip."

And Oocy argued: "Dingos are Asian water dogs, brought here from South East Asian islands only 5 thousand years ago. They did not evolve here, like the platypus, echidna, kangaroo and other endemic species. So the dingo could be a wholly inappropriate icon for Australia. Of course, the dingo could also be the perfect icon for modern, multicultural Australia, where people from all over the world have moved to our country and are welcome to call it home."

And Nic Papalia made this point: "The dingo is the one animal that keeps everything balanced in the ecosystem. It is our top land predator. When the dingo is removed because of ignorance ... there is a massive problem with fox, cat, goat and pig numbers soaring out of control. Kangaroo numbers skyrocket and defoliation becomes a problem. Australians must become more aware and educated if we are to save this Iconic species, so our future generations will see the real live dingo and not just a stuffed relic in a museum next to the thylacine."

That suggests a different take on the coat of arms -- a Tasmanian tiger, as a warning to treat our wildlife better in future. What do you think should be there? Go to Comments.

• by David Dale at 03:56 PM
• Comments (17)

The Who We Are update: Week 6

This week of the blog is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian popular culture, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss whether spag bol, pad Thai or tiramisu should be our national dish, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 9am Monday
The Pay TV industry has its own unique way of doing mathematics. It likes to lump together all of its stations (more than 80 of them) and count the total as one network, which it then compares with each of the free to air networks. This enables it to put out a statement like this, which arrived today:

"For the second year running, subscription TV had more viewers in summer than any other network. During the ten week period from November 30, 2008 to February 7, 2009, STV was the number one source of television, with 61.3% of all viewing in STV homes (6am-12mn), 24.8% of metropolitan viewing and 22.2% of regional viewing.

"In week 06, 2009, The Simpsons was watched by 151,000 viewers on Sunday morning, NCIS achieved its largest audience ever with 143,000 people on Sunday night and the American Idol Hollywood Show was watched by 112,000 viewers on Thursday night. The movie The Big Country was watched by 106,000 viewers, The Secret Millionaire achieved a record audience with 106,000 viewers and Hannah Montana was seen by 100,000 viewers. In sport, Live: Football: A-League S Final Leg 1 was watched by 122,000 people and Cricket: World Series Classics was watched by 103,000 people."

Now here's what the 73 per cent of Australians who do not subscribe to Pay TV were watching last week:

What Australia watched, week ending February 7
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TENNIS: 2009 AUST OPEN - MEN'S FINAL Seven 2,246,000 733,000 798,000 329,000 194,000 192,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 2,008,000 493,000 684,000 367,000 239,000 226,000
3 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,874,000 589,000 586,000 306,000 159,000 233,000
4 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,654,000 437,000 528,000 309,000 155,000 225,000
5 TENNIS: 2009 AUST OPEN - MEN'S FINAL INTRODUCTION Seven 1,622,000 497,000 574,000 264,000 134,000 153,000
6 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,552,000 392,000 569,000 276,000 164,000 149,000
7 LIE TO ME Ten 1,504,000 354,000 516,000 275,000 170,000 190,000
8 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,485,000 403,000 391,000 298,000 176,000 215,000
9 NCIS Ten 1,473,000 373,000 457,000 278,000 148,000 217,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,453,000 383,000 391,000 300,000 164,000 215,000
11 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,436,000 382,000 421,000 275,000 149,000 209,000
12 THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA Ten 1,414,000 381,000 446,000 258,000 144,000 185,000
13 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 1,374,000 414,000 442,000 237,000 136,000 146,000
14 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,313,000 375,000 388,000 269,000 121,000 160,000
15 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - AUDITION 1 Ten 1,306,000 349,000 404,000 264,000 120,000 168,000

• by David Dale at 08:55 AM
• Comments (93)

The Who We Are update: to January 31

This week of the blog is now a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. For the latest discussion on Australia's popular culture, go here.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday February 1
On Pay TV last week, the most watched shows were the final of America's Next Top Model (239,000); The Simpsons (211,000); Family Guy (207,000); American Idol Auditions (173,000) and Two and a Half Men (169,000). One of the great mysteries of Australian popular culture: Why would people waste viewing opportunities for which they have paid on a show which is readily available (some would say excessively available) on free-to-air TV?

What Australia watched, week ending January 31
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TENNIS: 2009 AUST OPEN - DAY 9 NIGHT SESSION Seven 2,316,000 761,000 838,000 345,000 186,000 186,000
2 TENNIS: 2009 AUST OPEN - DAY 7 NIGHT SESSION Seven 1,654,000 473,000 561,000 303,000 152,000 164,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,646,000 430,000 453,000 390,000 164,000 209,000
4 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,641,000 405,000 525,000 309,000 180,000 221,000
5 TENNIS: 2009 AUST OPEN - DAY 11 NIGHT SESSION Seven 1,587,000 452,000 615,000 236,000 137,000 146,000
6 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,503,000 387,000 453,000 295,000 165,000 204,000
7 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,407,000 336,000 415,000 266,000 173,000 217,000
8 TENNIS: 2009 AUST OPEN - DAY 10 NIGHT SESSION Seven 1,326,000 405,000 496,000 190,000 121,000 115,000
9 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,243,000 365,000 344,000 232,000 136,000 166,000
10 NINE NEWS Nine 1,240,000 332,000 423,000 241,000 150,000 94,000
11 TENNIS: 2009 AUST OPEN - DAY 12 NIGHT SESSION Seven 1,223,000 361,000 414,000 212,000 123,000 113,000
12 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,221,000 319,000 458,000 219,000 149,000 75,000
13 ONE DAY CRICKET - AUSTRALIA V SOUTH AFRICA GAME 4 SESSION 2 Nine 1,142,000 393,000 347,000 167,000 127,000 108,000
14 HOT PROPERTY Seven 1,131,000 266,000 290,000 284,000 128,000 164,000

• by David Dale at 08:05 AM
• Comments (60)

WHO WE ARE: Going to the dog

For a preview of the movies and TV shows worth escaping to in 2009, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 18/1/2009
In the imagination of the world, what is the most powerful idea about Australia? I'm not talking about scenery, or fauna, or personalities. We can assume the world knows about kangaroos and Uluru and Nicole Kidman and the shrimps on Paul Hogan's barbie. But the world's response to that sort of stuff is never more than slight amusement.

I'm talking about one notion that intrigues them, excites them, stimulates their sense of wonder, makes Australia seem like a place of thrilling menace. On the principle that two sightings could be a coincidence, three sightings signifies a trend, and four sightings is a phenomenon, what do we make of these five observations:

1. In the recent film Tropic Thunder, Robert Downey Jr plays Kirk Lazarus, an Australian actor who has been cast as a black American in a war movie. The only genuinely black actor in the cast, Alpa Chino, refers to him contemptuously as "Crocodile Dundee" ...

"Lazarus: Pump your brakes, kid. That man is a national treasure.
Chino: I just wanted to throw another shrimp on your barbie.
Lazarus: That s--- ain't funny.
Chino: I'm just f---ing with you, Kangaroo Jack! I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby.
Lazarus: You know that's a true story? Lady lost her kid."

2. In an episode of the cult TV cartoon series Family Guy, the talking dog Brian and the preternaturally articulate infant Stewie host a radio show called "Dingo and the Baby".

3. In the cult vampire series Buffy, a character called Daniel Osbourne, nicknamed Oz, leads a band called Dingoes Ate My Baby.

4. In the cult New York sitcom, Seinfield, the character Elaine suggests to a woman who can't find her fiancee at a party: "Maybe the dingo ate your baby".

5. In his latest book When You Are Engulfed in Flames, the American columnist David Sedaris describes a 2007 visit to Australia to attend a conference (probably the Sydney Writers Festival). He says he had four hours of spare time on a Saturday morning and decided to visit Taronga Zoo to see a dingo.

"I never saw that Meryl Streep movie, and as a result the creature was a complete mystery to me. Were someone to say 'I left my window open and a dingo flew in', I would have believed it and if he said 'Dingoes! Our pond is completely overrun with them', I would have believed that as well. Two legged, four legged, finned or feathered: I simply had no idea, which was exciting, actually, a rarity in the age of 24 hours nature channels."

Finally Sedaris and his friend reach the dingo pen, where Sedaris covers his face to prolong the suspense: "I saw some trees - and a tail - and then I couldn't stand it any more and dropped my hands. 'Why, they look just like dogs,' I said. 'Are you sure we're in the right place?'"

All this suggests Australia is not making enough of a national asset. To discuss if we should start a campaign to have the dingo included on the coat of arms, go to Comments

• by David Dale at 08:04 PM
• Comments (41)

WHO WE ARE: Gassy gamblers and boozy bodgies

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 11/1/2009
"MY MUM used to talk about bodgies and widgies -- what are they?" This was a question sent in recently to the ABC TV series Can We Help. The show's producers phoned the author of this column in search of an answer, making me wonder if they were making an assumption about my age (since bodgies and widgies vanished from our land about the time we started buying Beatles records).

But the producers added some other questions which made me wonder if they considered me some sort of expert (and if so, on what?). The other questions went like this:
1. "How do we compare to other countries with our greenhouse gas emissions?"
2. "Where did AFL draw its origins from?"
3. "Compared to other nations, are Australians big gamblers?" and
4. "Do you think there is an upcoming change in the beerdrinking culture of Australians?"

Readers were kind enough to advise me on other questions in last week's column, so I'm looking forward to your input on these intended answers:

1. Greenhouse? We are shockers. Because we use coal for 80 per cent of our electricity, Australia produces about 1.5 per cent of the world's greenhouse gases. Per capita, we are the fourth highest emitter of nasty fumes in the developed world (behind Turkey, Spain, and Portugal).

2. AFL? It started in Melbourne in the 1850s as a way of keeping cricketers fit during the winter, and was an adaptation of English rugby. Until the 1870s, the rules kept changing and the first "official" game, between Scotch College and Melbourne Church of England Grammar School, had 40 players on each side and lasted three days.

3. Gambling? On average, every Australian loses $1,000 a year on poker machines, horse racing, lotteries, casinos and other bits of risky business. Finding comparable figures for other Western countries in difficult, but in 2004 it was estimated that American gamblers lose $US 73 billion a year, Britons lose $US 75 bn a year, and Australians lose $US 12 bn a year. Considering the relative populations, that makes us the biggest losers.

4. Beer? Consumption is declining while wine consumption is growing, but each Australian over the age of 15 still drinks 106 litres of beer a year (or about 8 glasses a week) compared with 29 litres of wine a year (5 glasses a week). Coffee consumption is growing fastest, and has reached 5 cups a week (compared with one cup of tea).

5. Bodgies and widgies? If you want to know what they looked like, visualise John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John in the final scene of Grease - only less glamorous.

The word "bodgie" originally meant "fake" or "dubious", and referred to the material in suits worn by young men trying to look like gangsters in the late 1940s. The term came to cover any boy following the latest US look, which by the late 1950s involved a leather jacket and hair Brylcreemed to resemble Elvis Presley (later, Bob Hawke's shiny bouffant earned him the nickname "The Silver Bodgie"). The widgie girlfriend wore Capri pants and tight sweaters and danced to the music of Bill Haley on the jukebox. But the bodgie and widgie style vanished around 1964. The boys threw away the grease and grew their hair long and the girls replaced the capri pants with mini skirts.

Am I somewhere near the truth in any of this? If you'd like to amplify or correct these impressions, go to Comments.

• by David Dale at 04:34 PM
• Comments (6)

WHO WE ARE: What Australians do best

To learn how Australians amused themselves during the New Year break, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 4/1/2009
The producers of the ABC TV series Can We Help are under the impression the author of this column knows something about Australia. I got a flattering phone call the other day asking if I would be willing to go on and attempt to answer questions sent in by viewers. I pointed out that more wisdom resides in the column's readers than in its author, and asked if they'd give me advance warning. They emailed the following list, which I present for your analysis of my intended answers:

1. What are Australians the best in the world at or what do we think we are the best at?

Well, we're certainly not the best at cricket, though we used to be. Australians fluctuate between the cultural cringe, whereby we assume the Americans and the British do everything better than we do, and the cultural strut, whereby we think we have nothing to learn from any other nation because we produce the world's top models, singers, chefs, sports men and women, directors, winemakers, medical researchers and media magnates.

In fact, the one thing at which we are unchallengeably the best is imitating the accents of other countries, which has enabled an astonishing number of our actors to keep getting work in world movies and television -- Frances O'Connor, Anna Torv, Abbie Cornish, Jesse Spencer, Melissa George, Rose Byrne, Simon Baker, Rachel Griffiths, Cate Blanchett, Hugo Weaving, Miranda Otto, Russell Crowe, Naomi Watts, Anthony LaPaglia, Poppy Montgomery, Teresa Palmer, Hugh Jackman, Rachael Taylor and so on.

And that's not even mentioning Nicole Kidman (because apparently she annoys people). It would be nice to be able to claim Sam Neill and the Conchords, but we'd better leave the Kiwis something.

Americans, by contrast, cannot do Australian accents.

2. We all know what a Bogan is, but where on earth did it come from?

As used these days, the word is roughly synonymous with the US term "trailer trash" and may have originally referred to people who came from west of the Bogan River in central NSW, who were assumed to be crude.

But it could have an earlier derivation, from an old Scottish word for people who live around a bog or swamp. It seems to have been first popularised by Kylie Mole in The Comedy Company in the late 1980s.

3. When did Australia adopt green and gold as its national colours?

The Australian cricket team that toured England in 1899 first wore gumtree green and wattle yellow, and the first time some of our competitors wore green and gold at the Olympics was in 1908. But they weren't officially declared our colours until Bob Hawke in 1984.

4. Who is our greatest music industry person and by what criterion?

If you go by album sales, you'd have to say John Farnham, whose Whispering Jack sold 1.7 million copies and whose Age of Reason sold 800,000.

Close behind in album sales would be Savage Garden, Delta Goodrem and Jimmy Barnes. But Dame Nellie Melba is the only Australian music industry person to be immortalised in a desert and a breakfast (at the Savoy Hotel in London in the 1890s, chef Georges August Escoffier created Peach Melba and Melba Toast).

I'll continue next week with answers about bodgies and widgies, gambling, greenhouse gas emissions, and the origin of AFL. If you'd care to add your wisdom, go to Comments

• by David Dale at 04:31 PM
• Comments (27)

The Who We Are Update: To January 24

The dogs have barked and the caravan has moved on. This fortnight of David Dale's television ratings blog is no longer current. For the latest audience data, go here.
For the movies and TV shows worth looking forward to this year, go to The Tribal Mind.
To discuss why the dingo and the octopus should be on our coat of arms, go to Who We Are.

What Australia watched, Saturday.
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,317,000 411,000 321,000 281,000 136,000 168,000
2 INSIDE QUEEN MARY 2 Seven 1,166,000 366,000 304,000 250,000 116,000 130,000
3 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,121,000 309,000 402,000 233,000 101,000 76,000
4 SEVEN'S TENNIS: 2009 AUST OPEN - DAY 6 NIGHT SESSION Seven 1,091,000 320,000 403,000 177,000 96,000 96,000
5 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC1 757,000 219,000 239,000 123,000 68,000 108,000
6 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SAT Ten 717,000 229,000 160,000 145,000 89,000 94,000
7 THE JACKAL RPT Ten 716,000 206,000 243,000 135,000 68,000 64,000
8 BILLY MADISON RPT Ten 706,000 219,000 192,000 151,000 82,000 62,000
9 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW SUMMER SERIES -RPT Nine 663,000 209,000 200,000 165,000 89,000
10 The BILL ABC1 641,000 163,000 189,000 111,000 76,000 102,000
11 SEVEN'S TENNIS: 2009 AUST OPEN - DAY 6 Seven 602,000 185,000 204,000 99,000 58,000 56,000
13 SUPERMAN III -RPT Nine 551,000 191,000 122,000 123,000 60,000 54,000

• by David Dale at 09:41 AM
• Comments (114)

The Silly Season update: Until January 8

The caravan has moved on. This episode of the blog is no longer current. For the latest media discussion, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

What Australia watched, Thursday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,221,000 310,000 325,000 263,000 133,000 190,000
2 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,093,000 329,000 328,000 257,000 90,000 89,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,070,000 264,000 273,000 230,000 129,000 173,000
4 NINE NEWS Nine 1,000,000 282,000 304,000 229,000 92,000 92,000
5 ABC NEWS ABC1 938,000 312,000 263,000 153,000 109,000 101,000
6 LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT RPT Ten 918,000 254,000 289,000 162,000 124,000 90,000
7 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER (R) Seven 896,000 241,000 235,000 215,000 78,000 126,000
8 TEMPTATION Nine 885,000 249,000 267,000 185,000 90,000 93,000
9 EMERGENCY Nine 879,000 186,000 252,000 214,000 104,000 122,000
10 COLD CASE Nine 859,000 218,000 283,000 154,000 97,000 107,000
11 LAW AND ORDER: SVU RPT Ten 830,000 254,000 209,000 163,000 123,000 81,000
13 THE WAITING ROOM Nine 816,000 184,000 255,000 165,000 95,000 116,000
15 SECRET MILLIONAIRE Nine 771,000 184,000 237,000 131,000 90,000 129,000
16 ELI STONE Seven 746,000 193,000 225,000 170,000 64,000 93,000
17 UGLY BETTY - THU Seven 691,000 196,000 205,000 139,000 62,000 89,000
18 EVEREST ER ABC1 660,000 231,000 177,000 122,000 58,000 71,000
23 HEROES Seven 505,000 164,000 155,000 109,000 37,000 41,000
24 WHO KILLED STALIN? ABC1 487,000 176,000 119,000 82,000 43,000 67,000
27 CARLA CAMETTI PD SBS 457,000 197,000 125,000 53,000 31,000 51,000
30 REX IN ROME SBS 378,000 146,000 110,000 49,000 35,000 38,000
31 OUT OF THE BLUE - DAILY Ten 368,000 136,000 90,000 52,000 41,000 48,000
32 THE FLOATING BROTHEL RPT ABC1 364,000 115,000 130,000 48,000 35,000 36,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 10:59 AM
• Comments (173)

WHO WE ARE: Lords of time

To discuss what to name this decade, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 28/12/2008
For most of this decade, most of us had plenty of money, or at least, the illusion of money in the form of credit. What we've been short of has been time, a commodity very hard to borrow. Australians have had to learn to multitask -- to play while we work (surf the net on the boss's dollar) and to combine our pleasures at home (listen to the iPod and send text messages while watching TV and skimming a magazine).

That is the only interpretation we can make of the research just released by the Free TV organisation on how Australians spent their leisure time this year. Otherwise it just does not add up.

Bear in mind that there are 168 hours in a week, of which 112 are available if we get 8 hours sleep a night, and 72 if we deduct time spent at work or school. So check out the amusements of an average Australian in a typical week of 2008:

Watching television: 21 hours and 48 minutes a week. The shows we mostly watched were Packed To The Rafters, Find My Family, Underbelly, City Homicide and The Zoo.

Listening to the radio: 14 hours and 30 minutes a week. In Sydney, the most heard broadcasters were Alan Jones and Ray Hadley on 2GB, and Adam Spencer and Richard Glover on ABC702. Melbourne listened to Neil Mitchell on 3AW and Hamish and Andy on Fox FM.

On the internet: 9 hours and 24 minutes a week. Morgan research reported that in the July to September quarter, 11.98 million Australians (up 12.1 per cent on last year) used Google as a search engine, while 8.33 million visited ninemsn and 4.03 million visited Fairfax Digital.

Reading newspapers (in print): 3 hours and 24 minutes. The best sellers were The Sunday Telegraph, The Herald Sun (Melbourne), The Sunday Mail (Brisbane) and The Sun-Herald. Overall, newspaper sales declined about 2 per cent on 2007, which is not bad for a supposedly dying medium.

Reading magazines: 1 hour and 48 minutes. If any medium is dying, it's mags - especially the weekly scandal sheets, which declined 6 per cent on last year. The best sellers are Womens' Weekly, Woman's Day, New Idea, Readers Digest and Better Homes and Gardens.

Going to the movies: 4 times a year. The most seen were The Dark Knight, Mamma Mia!, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and Sex and the City.

Watching DVDs: Renting 2 a month, buying six a year, mostly Underbelly, Mamma Mia!, Alvin and the Chipmunks and Ratatouille.

Reading books: Yes we're still doing it, but not enough to make a weekly figure. Best sellers included 4 Ingredients and its sequel 4 Ingredients 2 by Kim McCosker and Rachel Bermingam, Twilight and its third sequel Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer, Guinness World Records 2009, and The Brass Verdict by Michael Connelly.

In addition, of course, we played video games, listened to music, updated our Facebooks, pottered in the garden, ate out in restaurants and talked on our 15 million mobiles. All that happened in a year when Australia's birth rate reached a record high. Talk about multitasking.

How do you fit it all in? Tell us at Comments

• by David Dale at 05:58 PM
• Comments (8)

WHO WE ARE: Growing too fast and too furious

To discuss Australia's year at the movies, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 21/12/2008
It may go down in history as the year we started to wonder if we were going nuts. A survey by the Bureau of Statistics revealed that 45 per cent of Australian adults -- 7.3 million of us -- have suffered a mental disorder at some point in their lives and 20 per cent, or 3.2 million, have experienced a mental disorder in the past 12 months.

Apparently this mass breakdown was not caused by money worries. The interviews with people in a sample of 8,800 households were done months before any global financial clouds appeared in our blue skies. They had no way to know we were approaching the end of ten years of economic sunshine, a decade in which real household income had risen by 20 per cent.

Just when we were supposed to be at our most relaxed and comfortable, one in five of us was experiencing panic, anxiety, depression, phobia, drug dependence, or obsessive compulsive disorder, with women more likely to be anxious and men more likely to abuse alcohol. For more details, go to ABS mental health report.

That was probably the most shocking thing Australians learned about themselves this year, but this possibly connected story came a close second: Australia is now growing faster than India and Indonesia.

There was a time when we worried about the Asian population explosion and thought the Indonesians were breeding so fast they'd have to invade their neighbours. Now they can feel the same way about us. Our population is growing by 1.7 per cent a year, while Indonesia is growing by 1.2 per cent and India is growing by 1.6 per cent.

What's going on here? Three forces came together this decade in a perfect storm that caused our population to rise by 359,000 in the 12 months to June 30, the largest annual growth ever recorded:

1. We started breeding like bunnies. In the last financial year, 287,500 babies were born. Our fertility rate is now 1.9 babies per woman, up from 1.7 in 2001 (when we worried that we might not be replacing ourselves). Thanks a lot, Peter Costello.

2. We welcomed 443,200 new residents. With 229,700 people departing permanently, that gave us a net gain of 213,500 immigrants this year, an all time record. Some 70 per cent of them came in the "skills stream", which means they are filling jobs older residents can't or won't do.

3. We're staying alive. There were 142,000 deaths in the last financial year -- 29.4 per cent caused by diseases of the heart and blood vessels (so put down that donut), 28.8 per cent per cent caused by cancer, and 7.9 per cent caused by diseases of the respiratory system. That may suggest we're not taking care of ourselves, but last year we had the lowest death rate ever recorded: 6 per 1000, compared with 7.6 per 1000 in 1997.

So if you look at the Bureau's population clock today, you'll see that there are 21,340,000 of us. If the current growth rate continues, we'll reach 22 million by 2010 and 34 million by 2050 -- or 16 million more than most scientists think this continent can sustain. There's no way to predict how many of those will be worried about going nuts.

Is there a link between the rise in mental illness and the rise in population? Go to Comments to discuss

• by David Dale at 05:04 AM
• Comments (53)

WHO WE ARE: The comfort of cliche

To discuss all the stuff Australians have bought to entertain themselves, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 14/12/2008
Do Australians really speak like that? If they don't nowadays, did they ever? Those are the questions many viewers of Australia are asking as they shuffle out of the cinema (in far greater numbers than the media would have you believe - so far the film has been seen by 2 million people here and 6 million in America -- go to The films Australia loved for box office updates).

Apart from the performance of Nicole Kidman, who inspires blind fury in a surprising number of her compatriots, the most controversial issue has been the film's language. Some audiences have objected to the "cliche ockerisms" (particularly the repetition of "Crikey") and to the pidgin English spoken by the Aboriginal characters.

But this column's readers, as usual, are exceptional. They have leapt to the defence of Baz Luhrmann's dialogue. We asked, two weeks ago: "Would an Aboriginal kid in 1940 have said 'That strange woman, she fire-um that Fletcher', or is that more like a line spoken by an Indian in a Hollywood western from the 1950s? (And if an Aboriginal dialect did involve the addition of 'um' to verbs, should it not have been "sack-um" rather than "fire-um"?)"

Anthropologist Jo responded: "As you suggest, the verb 'sack-um' (pronounced 'jakim') is more likely than 'fire-um'. However, adding the suffix 'um' or 'im' is correct, because in Kriol, 'im' is added to verbs if they are transitive. So because 'sack' has to take an object (that is you always have to sack someone), it takes the marker 'im'. For those who haven't heard of Kriol, it is an Indigenous language used by more than 30,000 speakers in Northern Australia."

John May felt right at home: "Crikey ... cripes ... jingo!!! Yes, all common expressions in my childhood. Australia is now an over-governed, conformist place, but the wilder, more individualistic days are still within living memory. Maybe over-sentimentalised, but I can recognise Australia in my past."

And Barbara Adams found the film's dialogue, both black and white, all too familiar: "As the daughter of a dairy farmer, who was lucky enough to have an Aboriginal lady, Ida, to be my companion as a small child (to learn about talking to rocks or old man tree), I can tell you about words they used. Yes, it is true: UM was added. If I stumbled into a rabbit hole while walking: 'You fallum right down big hole, Barbie girl'.

"I am prompted to write because most country people certainly have no inferiority complex about comfort language (cliches). In earlier days people spoke less and used comfortable familiar phrases that said so much more than the words they spoke. It hurts to know that young Australians don't take pride in our earlier common language, and what it stood for. Embrace the words used, and recognize the uniqueness of our culture through this keyhole into our past, and cherish it, instead of rubbishing. 'She'll be right, mate' really meant much more than the few words said.

"I particularly remember one that I think is appropriate for all who can't celebrate with Baz: Go and stick your head in a tussock."

Do they speak proper in Oz? Join the discussion at Comments

• by David Dale at 06:58 PM
• Comments (1)

The Who We Are update: How and what we watched in 2008

To discuss the nation's tastes in television, go to The Tribal Mind.
To discuss the nation's tastes in games, and why Grand Theft Auto is good for kids, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 8am Monday
On this page you will find a pile of statistics about this year on Australian television, based on data from OzTAM's people meters in 3,035 homes in the mainland capitals. Further down, you will find the average audience for all stations over this decade, the most watched shows on Pay television, and the programs most watched in the final ratings week by viewers aged over 55 and viewers aged 16 to 39.

Excluding the Olympics, the average audience shares between 6pm and midnight during the ratings period of 2008 were: Seven 28.5 per cent, Nine 27.3, Ten 21.0, ABC 17.5, SBS 5.6. Last year, the shares were: Seven 29.1, Nine 27.0, Ten 21.8, ABC 16.7, SBS 5.5.

Nine is crowing about how it "won the year" with viewers aged 25-54, with whom its prime time share was 28.7 per cent to Seven's 28.0 per cent. Ten is boasting that it "won the year" with viewers aged 16-39, with whom its prime time share was 29.7 per cent, while Nine got 28.4 and Seven got 26.4.

The most watched single events in 2008 were: Beijing Olympics opening (7) 2.82m in the mainland capitals; AFL Grand Final (7) 2.49m; Aus Open Tennis Men's Final (7) 2.45m; Melbourne Cup race (7) 2.27m; Olympics Day 9 prime time (7) 2.23m; Olympics Day 1 prime time (7) 2.21m; Rugby league State of Origin Match 3 (9) 2.14m; State of Origin 1 (9) 2.09m; State of Origin 2 (9) 2.08m; Rugby league Grand Final (9) 2.05m; Twenty/20 cricket Aus v. India (9) 2.03m.

To see how these fit with earlier records, go to The TV shows Australia loved

The 150 most watched series, 2008
Program. Channel. Average audience across the mainland capitals
1 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Network 7 1,937,841
2 FIND MY FAMILY Network 7 1,803,223
3 UNDERBELLY Network 9 1,706,831
4 THE ZOO - TUE Network 7 1,688,134
5 CITY HOMICIDE Network 7 1,621,122
6 BORDER SECURITY Network 7 1,609,917
7 THE FORCE Network 7 1,597,773
8 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Network 7 1,578,016
9 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Network 7 1,576,104
10 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Network 7 1,523,360
11 60 MINUTES Network 9 1,504,646
12 TWO AND A HALF MEN -WED Network 9 1,503,496
13 RAMSAY'S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES-THU Network 9 1,501,569
14 SEVEN NEWS Network 7 1,501,129
15 DOMESTIC BLITZ Network 9 1,497,437
16 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Network TEN 1,490,977
17 DAVID ATTENBOROUGH TIGER-SPY IN THE JUNGLE Network 9 1,477,355
18 THE ONE - AUSTRALIA'S MOST GIFTED PSYCHIC Network 7 1,451,088
19 NATIONAL NINE NEWS SUNDAY Network 9 1,413,537

• by David Dale at 06:15 AM
• Comments (3)

WHO WE ARE: The uncredible land of Oz

To discuss the nation's tastes in games, and why Grand Theft Auto is good for kids,. go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 7/12/2008
The film Australia should be a huge hit, if the passion provoked by the very idea of it translates into bums on seats. When this column raised a few questions about its historical and cultural details last week, we got 152 responses, which fell into three broad categories:

1 Readers who attacked the media's carping negativity and argued that we should all support the film because it is Australian;
2 Readers determined never to see the film because they were infuriated by the publicity hype and/or the presence of Nicole Kidman;
3 Readers who had actually seen the film (including several in America). Most of this group said they enjoyed it, and were eager to recommend it, with reservations. The greatest rage against the film came from people who were guessing at what is in it.

But will Oz earn back its costs, alleged to be close to $200 million? Here is some context to help you analyse the media's obsessive coverage of that question (which seemingly derives from a combination of the cultural cringe and the tall poppy syndrome) ...

The most successful Australian film in history was Crocodile Dundee, which made $48 million in 1986 (when the average ticket price was $6). To match the Croc's success in a year when the average ticket price is $11, Oz needs to make $88 million. In its first week, Oz made $9 million, and on the principle that most blockbusters end up totalling three times the first week's takings, Oz seems likely to leave cinemas with close to the $29 million earned by Moulin Rouge, Baz Luhrmann's last film. That would be a handsome result, though behind this year's favourites, The Dark Knight ($46 million) and Mamma Mia ($32 million). In America, Oz made $US23 million in its first week, and should end up with $US70 million. It's likely to do well elsewhere in the world (except Japan). So, contrary to what you've read, there's a chance its investors will make their money back.

Reader Mervyn Allbright thinks Oz does not deserve to succeed: "Why do we think we have to make Hollywood-style 'block-busters' full of inaccuracies, populist tripe, historical lies, foolishly one-dimensional characters, and cringing and condescending portrayals of indigenous people? It just makes Australia look like a nation of dunces."

Jacky agrees: "Luhrmann has truly shamed a lot of Australians by making a film that, not only further stereotype our nation but also confuses foreigners. If you want a true genuine Aussie film, The Castle and Rabbit Proof Fence are films to be proud of."

But America-based reader Iola is a fan: "Since time began, authors and playwrights have taken factual events and messed with them! That's what makes it a great story. We love to put reality aside for a little while and go and soak up all that lovely fiction. Even when the topics are based on fact, we want them to be larger than life, epic. A lot of us LOVED the movie, even us expats who know in our hearts that Baz took a couple of liberties! "

And reader Tony McGrath defends its accuracy, at least on the proposition that the Aboriginal mission 80 km north of Darwin gave the first warning about the Japanese attack in 1942: "The priest on Bathurst Island who radioed to the mainland was Father John McGrath, who spent many years with the Tiwi people of the island. The authorities ignored the warning. Father John died at the Sacred Heart Kensington monastery, Sydney, in 1982, at 89 years old, and at the request of the Tiwi his body was returned to the island and buried in great honour. Father John was born at Parkes, NSW, the 11th of 14 children, of which my grandfather, Stephen, was the eldest."

You can read all the responses, and add your own (especially if you've seen it), by going to last week's column.

• by David Dale at 12:42 AM
• Comments (7)

WHO WE ARE: Does accuracy matter?

To examine the nation's tastes in television this year, go to The Tribal Mind.
For the latest on Australian atttitudes, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 30/11/2008
You'll feel like walking out of the cinema several times during the first 40 minutes of Australia, but try to stick it out. At first you suspect Baz Luhrmann and Nicole Kidman are having a huge lend of us, but as it proceeds, Australia becomes less like a parody. There are plenty of moments when you cringe in embarrassment at the clunky script, the hammy acting and the cheesy effects, but they are eventually outnumbered by moments that are quite engaging.

At the session I attended last week (Bondi Junction Greater Union cinema, 10 am Wednesday), the audience burst into applause as the closing credits started to roll. Many had tears in their eyes as they shuffled out. Perhaps Australians will abandon their natural scepticism just this once.

In its own land, the reviews of Australia have been mostly polite, but in America, they have been damning. On Slate magazine's website (click here), Tanner Colby called it "the turkey of the year", and remarked: "There's no dingo eating anyone's baby in this, but there should have been. That's the only national cliche missing." His colleague Dana Stevens complained that she had hoped to leave the film knowing something more about Australia (the country), but she actually felt she knew less.

That's where this column comes in, because our weekly subject matter is national identity. Since the film seems to be aimed at eight year olds, it should at least be informative. But we wouldn't want them to grow up with a deluded view of the nation's history and iconography. These questions occurred to me as I watched:

1. Was there ever a beer called Kangaroo Bitter or a rum called Poor Fella?
2. Did drovers and cattle barons habitually wear revolvers in holsters on their hips?
3. Would an Aboriginal kid in 1940 have said "That strange woman, she fire-um that Fletcher" or is that more like a line spoken by an Indian in a Hollywood western from the 1950s? (And if an Aboriginal dialect did involve the addition of "um" to verbs, should it not have been "sack-um" rather than "fire-um"?)
4. Would a man working as an accountant in the outback in 1940 know the song Over The Rainbow, when The Wizard of Oz only opened in America in September, 1939? Would he have explained his ability to play it by declaring "I've got the latest 100 songs of the hit parade here".
5. Were half-caste children exiled to a place called Mission Island off Darwin, and was Mission Island the first place to come under Japanese attack in 1942?

At this point, the only question to which I can confidently answer yes is Number 5. Bathurst Island, 80 kilometres north of Darwin, was the site of a Catholic mission to which Aboriginal children were sent, and on February 19, 1942, its priest radioed to the mainland: "An unusually large air formation bearing down on us from the northwest". The mission was strafed by the passing planes on their way to bomb Darwin.

If Luhrmann has got that right, maybe the other oddities are equally accurate. With your help, we'll pursue them in next week's column. Go to Comments to give us your thoughts on the accuracy of Australia.

• by David Dale at 01:25 AM
• Comments (165)

The Silly Season update: Up to week 50

The caravan has moved on. This fortnight of the blog is no longer current. For the latest media discussion, go here.
To discuss all the stuff Australians have bought to entertain themselves, go to The Tribal Mind.

What Australia watched, week ending December 13
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,310,000 330,000 364,000 271,000 145,000 199,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,282,000 317,000 321,000 311,000 125,000 209,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,219,000 304,000 320,000 255,000 148,000 193,000
4 HOT PROPERTY Seven 1,208,000 324,000 341,000 272,000 102,000 170,000
5 ENOUGH ROPE WITH ANDREW DENTON ABC1 1,194,000 371,000 363,000 206,000 119,000 136,000
6 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,190,000 289,000 377,000 252,000 112,000 159,000
7 NCIS RPT Ten 1,185,000 283,000 371,000 203,000 142,000 186,000
8 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,164,000 312,000 396,000 238,000 120,000 99,000
9 THE HOWARD YEARS ABC1 1,160,000 406,000 326,000 191,000 111,000 126,000
10 OUTBACK WILDLIFE RESCUE Seven 1,159,000 348,000 281,000 264,000 120,000 147,000
11 M-MADAGASCAR Seven 1,143,000 308,000 359,000 225,000 127,000 123,000
12 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS SUMMER Seven 1,132,000 331,000 314,000 199,000 135,000 154,000
13 THE RICH LIST - MON Seven 1,094,000 307,000 313,000 219,000 118,000 137,000
14 BONES - MON (R) Seven 1,055,000 313,000 314,000 195,000 118,000 115,000

• by David Dale at 02:05 AM
• Comments (155)

WHO WE ARE: It's moments like these ...

To discuss the accuracy of Austraya, go to Who We Are.
For regular updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 23/11/2008
You should by now have received your early Chrissie pressie from the Royal Australian Mint -- a fat envelope that looks like junk mail and contains a brochure advertising a whole lot of souvenir coins you can buy.

It's wonderful that this "prescribed agency of the Treasury" is helping out the government at a financially stressed time by spamming the nation with the opportunity to spend $115 for a set of six one dollar coins depicting the Parkes Telescope, but they need to reconsider their subject matter. They want us to join in celebrating some of the most boring events in Australian history.

Get real, you silly minties. Do you seriously expect anybody to spend $130 on two $5 coins depicting the Airbus A380? Or $12.95 on a one dollar coin honouring the centenary of the quarantine service? Or $235 on a $10 gold coin commemorating The Year of the Ox? They're almost as lame as last year's coin (pictured) commemorating the APEC meeting (which might have sold a few more copies if it had depicted the Chaser boys).

There's still time to create souvenirs that Australians really will want to display on their mantelpieces next year. It turns out that a lot of historical tipping points happened in years ending in 9. These are just a few examples of moments the Mint could immortalise in gold, silver and bronze:

The 40th anniversary of Australia's first on-stage mass nude scene. In 1969, during the first Sydney performance of the musical Hair, the cast appeared naked at the end of the first act. Police were stationed in the front row to ensure the audience didn't riot and the cast didn't move. This symbol of the death of puritanism and the opening of the Australian mind would need to be depicted on a 50 cent coin rather than a $2 coin, since some 15 people were involved, but it would sell like hot buns.

The 30 th anniversary of the first VCR going on sale. The ability to play rented movies and to record TV shows for later viewing gave Australians control of their home entertainment and broke our dependence on the commercial networks. The image of a black box would be a bit boring, so perhaps it would be better to depict a scene from Crocodile Dundee, one of the first flicks available on video.

The 20th anniversary of the last Imperial honour being awarded by the British monarch to an Australian. The coin could depict a sword on a shoulder, with a diagonal slash across the image. For balance, the other side of the coin could commemorate the tenth anniversary of the referendum in which we voted against a republic.

The 80th anniversary of the Speedo cossie. MacRae Knitting Mills in Sydney introduced the sleek swimwear in 1929, and went on to become the supplier for all 52 swimming nations at the Munich and Montreal Olympics. A $2 coin for budgie smugglers!

The 60th anniversary of the election of Australia's first Liberal government. Lets be imaginative. Robert Menzies has been honoured enough. We should cheer up the Liberal leaders who didn't quite make it -- Billy Snedden, Andrew Peacock, Alexander Downer, John Hewson and Brendan Nelson -- with their own beautifully boxed set of five cent pieces in shiny bronze. I was going to include Peter Costello, but there's a good chance he'll be on his own Prime Ministerial coin one day.

To add your suggestions on events or people we should commemorate in coinage, go to Comments

• by David Dale at 08:39 PM
• Comments (8)

WHO WE ARE: Meat in the middle, noxious at both ends

To learn how to catch the zeitgeist, go to The sweetest thing.
For regular updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun Herald, 16/11/2008
The good news is that our bilbies are finally breeding. The bad news is that there are only a few hundred of them left on this continent, as opposed to 29 million cows.

To save the bilbies, bettongs, woylies, potoroos, leristas, phascogales and other diminutive creatures that abounded on this continent before the arrival of the cow, we might have to give up our addiction to milk and beef. Here's my modest proposal: lets send this country's cattle back to where they came from.

Rangers in Queensland's Curranawinya National Park announced recently that the local bilby population had started to recover, thanks to the building of a 21 km long electrified fence that protected them from human-introduced predators.

But in the same week, the Bureau of Statistics revealed that during this decade, the number of indigenous bird and mammal species assessed as "extinct, endangered or vulnerable" rose from 153 to 174. The Bureau said half of these once prolific species were vulnerable, one third were endangered and 18 per cent were presumed extinct.

What's causing this? "Land clearing is a key threat to biodiversity," says the bureau. "It destroys and degrades the habitat on which native species rely. Clearing also allows weeds and invasive animals to spread, contributes to greenhouse gas emissions and can lead to soil degradation, such as erosion and salinity, which in turn can affect water quality ... Of the land cleared in 2005, almost half was ... forest cleared for the first time."

Why are we clearing all this forest? To create pasture for cows, mainly. And in return, the cows are killing us. The UN Food and Agricultural Organisation has determined that cattle are responsible for 18 per cent of the greenhouse gases that cause global warming.

Britain's The Independent summarized the UN findings: "Burning fuel to produce fertiliser to grow feed, to produce meat and to transport it -- and clearing vegetation for grazing -- produces 9 per cent of all emissions of carbon dioxide, the most common greenhouse gas. And their wind and manure emit more than one third of emissions of another, methane, which warms the world 20 times faster than carbon dioxide.

"Livestock also produce more than 100 other polluting gases, including more than two-thirds of the world's emissions of ammonia, one of the main causes of acid rain ... Cattle ranching is the major driver of deforestation worldwide, and overgrazing is turning a fifth of all pastures and ranges into desert. Cows also soak up vast amounts of water: it takes 990 litres of water to produce one litre of milk."

The solution is clear. Lets get rid of these four-footed farting burpers. The most humane approach is to put them on boats back to their homeland. The biohistorians tell us that all of today's cattle are descendants of an animal called the auroch, first domesticated 10,000 years ago in northern India. And isn't that the perfect place to send them? The Indians love cows and would appreciate the boost to their economy.

It's a win-win all around - for the humans, for the cattle and for the biilbies. To find out what we will eat instead, go to But what if the beetroots are the aliens.

To discuss this crusade, go to Comments

• by David Dale at 02:44 PM
• Comments (53)

The Who We Are update: Week 48

This week of the blog is now a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. For today's media trends, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss the success story of the ABC, SBS and Pay, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10am Sunday
On Friday and Saturday, Channels Seven, Nine and Ten attempted to capitalise on what they imagined would be a booming interest in Australiana and Hugh Jackman. See the charts below for how Mick Dundee, Van Helsing and Wolverine pulled in the punters.

Seven won the last week of the "official" ratings year with 29.9 per cent of the prime time audience, while Nine got 26.5, Ten 20.2, ABC 17.7 and SBS 5.7.

Of course, the people meter boxes will keep sending their data to OzTAM's computer over the silly season, so this column will continue to provide regular discussion on how Australians are entertaining themselves. For a roundup of the year, go to Telly 2008.

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,184,000 351,000 394,000 232,000 142,000 64,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,158,000 293,000 299,000 274,000 105,000 185,000
3 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 1,011,000 275,000 342,000 197,000 95,000 102,000
4 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC1 963,000 278,000 272,000 180,000 100,000 134,000
5 MOUNTAIN WITH GRIFF RHYS JONES ABC1 942,000 227,000 273,000 168,000 119,000 156,000
7 THE BILL ABC1 832,000 210,000 250,000 125,000 105,000 142,000
8 POLAR EXPRESS -RPT Nine 801,000 254,000 262,000 122,000 85,000 77,000
9 M-CAMP ROCK Seven 709,000 208,000 170,000 182,000 59,000 90,000
11 SECOND TEST - AUSTRALIA V NEW ZEALAND Nine 695,000 231,000 194,000 114,000 89,000 67,000
12 GARFIELD 2 Ten 613,000 172,000 179,000 133,000 61,000 69,000
14 JURASSIC PARK RPT Ten 569,000 152,000 228,000 87,000 50,000 52,000
15 M-X-MEN 2 Seven 539,000 154,000 157,000 120,000 42,000 66,000
30 STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS Ten 234,000 71,000 80,000 35,000 25,000 23,000

• by David Dale at 01:09 AM
• Comments (87)

WHO WE ARE: How to treat complainers

To discuss the accuracy of Austraya, go to Who We Are.
For regular updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 9/11/2008
Never complain in a restaurant if you intend to continue eating there. Does that principle go too far? There was heated debate among readers last week when this column, provoked by a certain chocolate gelato incident, suggested a set of principles for avoiding unsatisfactory experiences when eating out. Our list started with "Never eat in a restaurant that revolves or floats."

Among the 100 readers who responded, these inspirations emerged ...

Never eat in a restaurant where the waitress is picking her nose while waiting for you to order, OR the waiter lets out a massive sneeze just before he serves your food OR they wash your chopsticks with boiling green tea before they hand them over .... these experiences were in China, Thailand and Malaysia. (Maz)

Never order "brushetta", "Ceasar salad" or anything dressed with a "vinegarette". If a restaurant can't even spell a dish correctly, what are the odds they can cook it correctly? (Snob)

Never eat in a restaurant in Canberra. (Accidie)

Never eat (a second time) in a restaurant ... with paper napkins;
that makes you "hold onto your knives and forks" for the second course; that asks you after 5 seconds of delivering your meal "how were the first few bites?" and then keep asking how your meal was; that continually tops up your almost full wine glass; that delivers the courses on top of one another then can't deliver the bill. (Nigel)
... that takes guests to their table and allows them to remove their own coats and put them on the back of their chairs; that tells seated guests that they need to move to a different table; provides menus on thin pieces of white A4 paper; whose waiter disappears frequently and stinks of cigarette smoke. (Susan Baxter)

But Phil, who has experience on both sides of the kitchen door, disputed the frequently expressed notion that you should never complain. It's all in the way you do it, he said: "If you are calm, smile, and use a polite and friendly tone of voice to helpfully point out the problems, you will most likely receive some if not all your meal for free. If you are loud, insulting, arrogant and demeaning to staff, you could be the recipient of some nasty surprises in your food.

"The point of food sabotage, as I have witnessed many times unfortunately in my long career, is to taint the complainer's food in a disgusting and unhygeinic but ultimately unidentifiable way.

"Adding saliva and other bodily fluids to sauces is one popular method, and 'seasoning' meat or chicken by rubbing over the sweaty genitals and backsides of several cooks in a row is another old favourite. The point is to hide the foreign taste behind a wall of seasoning and stronger flavours, and then to peer out the service window and watch the oblivious diner shovel mouthfuls of tainted food into his or her face without realising what they are eating."

After that revelation, we're tempted to go along with Alan's solution: "Never eat in a restaurant."

To read all the responses, and join the discussion, go to Finally finding fine food.

• by David Dale at 10:56 AM
• Comments (4)

WHO WE ARE: Finally finding fine food

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 2/11/2008
"Never eat in a restaurant that smells of truffle oil" is the latest addition to a set of eating-out guidelines that started 20 years ago with "Never eat in a restaurant that revolves or floats". After certain news reports last week, perhaps I should add "Never eat chocolate gelato (or, for that matter, lemon gelato) in a restaurant where you have previously complained about the kitchen".

But that wouldn't quite fit with the purpose of the list. The original idea was to guide travellers in search of a decent meal in an unfamiliar town or suburb. There are certain impressions you can form -- long before you've had a chance to complain about anything -- that will save you from finding yourself in the kind of place where the gelato might contain an unpleasant surprise.

With the help of readers, I've been updating the list every couple of years, and the time has come again to seek your input. How the restaurant rules have changed over two decades offers a fascinating insight into the evolution of Australia's eating habits.

This was the first list:
1. Never eat in a restaurant that revolves or floats.
2. Never eat in a restaurant that is more than 20 metres above the ground.
3. Never eat in your hotel dining room.
4. Never eat in a restaurant that is recommended in any free publication you find in your hotel room -- even if the recommendation appears on a different page from the advertisement.
5. A restaurant with a pepper grinder on every table is likely to be good (as opposed to a restaurant where the waiters thrust a metre long pepper grinder in your ear).
6. A restaurant with an accordionist is likely to be bad.
7. There is no such thing as a bad Thai restaurant.
8. There is no such thing as a good Mexican restaurant in Australia.
9. Restaurants offering "cordon blue", "surf 'n' turf", "thousand island dressing", "Vienna schnitzel" and "avocado seafood" are unlikely to be state of the art.
10. The longer the menu, the poorer the food -- except in Chinese restaurants.

In the list's second incarnation, I added these ingredients ...
11. A menu that uses more than 20 words to describe each dish signifies a kitchen lacking in confidence.
12. A restaurant where the waiters introduce themselves ("Hi, my name is Jason and I'll be your server tonight") is unlikely to offer value for money. Ditto a restaurant where the waiter compliments you on your choice of dish.
13. A restaurant in which one wall is covered with signed black and white photographs of celebrities is unlikely to be state of the art, even if the celebrities include Daryl Somers and Kyle Sandilands.
14. Restaurants advertising karaoke are unlikely to be gastronomic temples, but this will become less important as you become less sober.
15. Restaurants that display their menus outside are likely to be more interesting than those that don't (and also make the application of these theories much easier).

Since I first made the list, I've eaten in good Australo-Mexican restaurants and encountered one bad Thai place (raw onion in everything). I've found great restaurants in hotels and on top of skyscrapers. The coolest places of the Noughties serve surf 'n' turf, in the form of pork belly with scallops or prawns. And I'd love to find a schnitzel, even if it came with an accordionist.

What bugs me now is the lazy chef's habit of splashing truffle oil over everything. Australia grows its own truffles these days, and in the winter, it can be pleasant to have a black fungus grated over a bowl of pasta. But "truffle oil" is fake - the flavour comes from a chemical added to the olive oil, which coats your palate and makes the rest of the meal taste as if you are eating in a petrol station.

So when you're standing hungrily outside an unfamiliar eatery, check the menu and put your nose inside. That will give you fair warning, long before the manager arrives with the complimentary gelato.

To add your restaurant rules, go to Comments

• by David Dale at 07:39 PM
• Comments (107)

WHO WE ARE: The invasions we never noticed

To predict the success of Australia (the movie), go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 26/10/2008
Funny how nobody talks about immigration any more. The hottest issue of five years ago has vanished from the national agenda. That's probably because Australians think there isn't much of it happening these days. We assume the immigration program was cut back during the Howard years because both sides of politics feared that most Australians were deep-down racists, and would vote against any party which brought in more of those dreadful foreigners.

It's time to dispose of some myths. Immigration is at record levels, and if they knew what kind of new citizens we are getting, Australians would be delighted. So lets tell them.

The first clue comes in the population clock that appears on the website of the Bureau of Statistics. It now operates on the assumption that this country has a net gain of one international migrant every 2 minutes and 55 seconds. Five years ago it was calibrated on the basis of one migrant arriving every four minutes and 9 seconds.

Combine the immigration boom with our current breeding frenzy and you find our population going up by one person every one minute and 37 seconds (and set to reach 22 million by 2011).

We currently have a net gain of 178,000 new settlers a year - the biggest numbers in 40 years - and that represents 56 per cent of our annual population growth. The countries contributing most are Britain, New Zealand, China and India.

Most of us would probably go along with the stereotype that the Chinese get top marks at university and end up as doctors and scientists, while the Indians work in call centres and run curry shops. The Bureau offers some mythbusting research from the 2006 census.

It says that in the immigration program since 2000, 61 per cent of the Chinese and 82 per cent of the Indians arrived through the "skill stream" (here because they're needed, as opposed to family reunions or refugees).

The biggest surprise is that the Chinese earn less than Australian-born people, while the Indians earn more. "The median individual income of people born in China was $239 per week compared with $539 for people born in India and $484 for Australian-born people," says the bureau.

Where do the new arrivals work? "Accommodation and food services was the largest employing industry for China-born residents in 2006 (accounting for 17.6% of employed China-born persons). Manufacturing was the largest employing industry for India-born residents (with 11.7% of employed India-born persons)."

Nearly a third of the Indian arrivals describe themselves as "professionals" (compared with 22 per cent of Chinese and 19 per cent of Australian-born), while 17 per cent of Indians are "clerical and administrative workers" (compared with 10 per cent of Chinese and 15 per cent of Australian-born). At the lowest paying end of the employment scale, 14 per cent of Chinese, 8 per cent of Indians and 10 per cent of Australians describe themselves as labourers.

But what kind of numbers are we talking about here? Have we opened the floodgates to people who are taking jobs away from good old Aussie labourers, clerks, restaurateurs, and graduates?

The bureau reports that Australia's population of 21.5 million includes 206,588 people who were born in China, and 147,106 people who were born in India. Hardly the kind of numbers to give nightmares to Pauline Hanson -- but enough to make Australia a more interesting place.

To discuss this, go to Comments

• by David Dale at 10:40 AM
• Comments (37)

WH0 WE ARE: You'll pay for what you say

To predict the success of Australia (the movie), go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 19/10/2008
The other day Kevin Rudd quoted the phrase "Tell 'em they're dreamin' " in response to a demand from State Governments for some extra billions in funding. He graciously attributed the line to that fine Australian film The Castle, but he should go further. The line earned him a sound bite on ABC radio, so he really ought to send a cheque for $4 to Jane Kennedy, Rob Sitch, Santo Cilauro, and Tom Gleisner, who created it.

In the same way, all those headline writers who keep playing on the phrase "That's not a knife, THAT'S a knife" should be sending $7 to John Cornell, Paul Hogan and Ken Shadie, the writers of Crocodile Dundee, and those who repeat "It's noice, it's different, it's unusual" should send $6 each time to Gina Riley and Jane Turner, creators of Kath and Kim.

That would be the principle established by the current legal action against Colin Hay and Ron Strykert, the writers of the song Down Under (about the land where women glow and men chunder). Partway through the flute solo that appears in the middle of the recording, the composers quote the tune of a much older icon called Kookaburra Sits In The Old Gum Tree. I've always regarded that flute passage as a witty homage to an Aussie classic, reinforcing the satire on ocker stereotypes.

But the current copyright holders of Kookaburra (written in 1934 by a teacher named Marion Sinclair) argue the musical reference was a crucial element in the success of Down Under, and are seeking a share in the profits.

From now on, we all need to think about who we're ripping off when we reference Australian songs, poems, stories, and speeches, and we should start compensating the creators by putting aside a dollar a word in a kind of swear jar. Here's my starter list, to which I hope you'll add more examples:

The most quotable lines of Australian culture (and the fees you'll owe):
"There was movement at the station" ($6 to the estate of Banjo Paterson).
"Cut and come again" ($4 to the estate of Norman Lindsay, creator of The Magic Pudding).
"We don't need another hero" ($5 to Terry Britten and Graham Lyle, who wrote the theme for Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome).
"Happy little Vegemites" ($3 to the estate of Alan Weekes, composer of the 1954 radio jingle).
"Not happy, Jan" ($3 to Deborah Kennedy, who coined the phrase when Clemenger ad agency was filming a commercial for the Yellow Pages).
"I'll rip yer bloody arms off" ($5 to Grahame Bond, co-writer of The Aunty Jack Show).
"Men and women of Australia" and "Well may we say" (total $9 to Gough Whitlam).
"Just what this country needs: a cock in a frock on a rock" ($13 to Stephan Elliott, creator of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert).
"You're terrible, Muriel" ($3 to P.J. Hogan, writer of Muriel's Wedding).
"Spreading disease with the greatest of ease" ($6 to the estate of James Joseph White, who wrote the original Louie the fly jingle).
"How embarrassment" ($2 to Mary Coustas, co-writer of Acropolis Now).
"Puck you, miss" ($3 to Chris Lilley, writer of Summer Heights High )
"Shaddup you face" ($3 to Joe Dolce).
"There's nothing so lonesome morbid or drear as ..." ($8 to the estates of Gordon Parsons, songwriter, and Dan Sheahan, poet, for Pub With No Beer)
"Most people I know think that I'm crazy" ($8 to the estate of Billy Thorpe).

To suggest more of the lines that make up Australia's cultural heritage, go to Comments

• by David Dale at 02:08 PM
• Comments (12)

The Who We Are update: Week 46

This week of the blog is now a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. For today's media trends, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,241,000 318,000 341,000 247,000 139,000 196,000
2 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 981,000 297,000 276,000 171,000 119,000 119,000
3 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 960,000 252,000 337,000 185,000 105,000 80,000
4 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC1 929,000 258,000 293,000 161,000 112,000 105,000
5 THE BILL ABC1 821,000 245,000 246,000 110,000 109,000 112,000
6 ROUGH DIAMOND ABC1 800,000 221,000 229,000 150,000 91,000 109,000
7 ABC NEWS UP-DATE ABC1 734,000 205,000 218,000 131,000 90,000 90,000
8 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SAT Ten 668,000 164,000 189,000 135,000 73,000 107,000
9 LIAR, LIAR RPT Ten 654,000 158,000 267,000 83,000 76,000 70,000
10 M-AGENT CODY BANKS Seven 644,000 157,000 201,000 115,000 66,000 106,000
15 RUGBY LEAGUE WORLD CUP -SF1 Nine 484,000 254,000 14,000 189,000 15,000 12,000
24 MYTHBUSTERS RPT SBS 345,000 89,000 128,000 47,000 46,000 34,000
27 IRON CHEF RPT SBS 291,000 60,000 127,000 47,000 32,000 26,000
29 ROCKWIZ SBS 261,000 69,000 100,000 32,000 28,000 32,000

• by David Dale at 05:34 AM
• Comments (49)

Better to reign eccentrically than serve predictably

by David Dale
As Nathan Rees might say: if you seem eccentric, then you are eccentric. And Nathan Rees seems eccentric.

In just eight weeks as NSW Premier he has said two gloriously unpredictable things -- that his favourite book is Paradise Lost, published in 1667 by the puritan poet John Milton, and that if you think you are in love, then you are in love (said last week in the context of discussing traffic jams).

That's two more surprises than Morris Iemma gave us in three years as premier (unless you count his resignation). It is starting to look as if we might have an interesting person running the state, and in my book, that's much better than having a competent person. If we're honest with ourselves, we realise that we elect politicians to entertain us. Canberra and Macquarie Street are soap operas, sometimes overlapping with crime thrillers and screwball comedies. The public service can do the grunt work. The job of politicians is to engage our emotions and inspire our imaginations.

State politics throws up too few eccentrics. The finest in the past 20 years was the mercurial Jeff Kennett in Victoria, who revealed only after he retired that he suffered from depression.

In NSW, Bob Carr felt no need to justify his preference for Roman history over football. I ran into him once on a bus that was taking people round Sydney's museums. He said he was late for his official duty of launching the museum tour because he'd got caught up watching a TV documentary that proved it was not Nero who set fire to Rome (in 64 AD) but Christian terrorists trying to bring down the empire. Carr couldn't stop talking about it.

Nathan Rees's fascination with Milton ranks with that. Paradise Lost tells the story of Lucifer's attempt to organise a revolution by the angels in heaven and overthrow the dictatorship of God. God wins and banishes Lucifer and his freedom fighters to the underworld (whence they later emerge to tempt Adam and Eve).

Milton clearly had sympathy for the devil. Lucifer is the most interesting character in the narrative. The illustrator William Blake said Milton was "of the Devil's party without knowing it" -- which may say something about Rees's continuing relationship with certain Labor powerbrokers. Quotes we should expect to hear soon in Rees speeches: "Better to reign in hell, than serve in heav'n" and "The Mind is its own place, and in itself, can make a heav'n of hell, or a hell of heav'n". Sounds a lot like NSW to me.

Eccentricity is underrated as an incentive for voters. Gough Whitlam was the first of the Great Unpredictables, because his brain overflowed with ideas that didn't fit within standard political rhetoric. His divagation on the pronunciation of the word kilometer ("The versifiers among you have always used pentameters and tetrameters, and you've got a pretty fair diameter and perimeter yourself") makes Rees look positively pedestrian.

Malcolm Fraser only revealed the depths of his eccentricity in a Memphis hotel lobby three years after his retirement. Paul Keating brought vaudeville back to Parliament. Even when you thought he seemed arrogant, paranoid, and obsessive, you couldn't take your eyes off him. He was the first politician worth writing a musical about.

Those who watched Kevin Rudd's rise through the Sunrise program could tell right away that he was a weird boy -- and all the more electable for that. Malcolm Turnbull is deeply eccentric, but unfortunately he knows it and keeps himself in a verbal straitjacket, thereby coming across as pompous and humourless. If he'd relax and share his real view of the universe, we might like him -- or at least enjoy him.

The NSW Opposition leader Barry O'Farrell used to have his moments of eccentricity, but he has turned into another grey bureaucrat. He shed his individuality with his poundage. His pronouncements have become so formulaic there is no way to sense the real human being. This State needs a lateral thinker, and he no longer looks like one.

Nathan Rees got rubbished in Friday's media for his philosophical musings about the nature of love and traffic. The Herald's front page described him as "bizarre" and "embarrassing". What do the critics want? Should he go into a huddle with his spin doctors before making any statement, and end up sounding more machine than man?

Long live spontaneity, eccentricity, individuality and unpredictability. As Milton said: "Give me the liberty to know, to utter, and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties."

Go to Comments to discuss: Do you prefer your pollies eccentric or efficient?

• by David Dale at 03:50 PM
• Comments (1)

The Who We Are update: Week 47

This week of the blog is now a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. For today's media trends, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss the moments we should commemorate in coins, go to Who We Are

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,323,000 298,000 427,000 252,000 145,000 201,000
2 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,304,000 347,000 475,000 277,000 132,000 74,000
3 RUGBY LEAGUE WORLD CUP -FINAL Nine 1,240,000 497,000 290,000 387,000 32,000 33,000
4 ABC NEWS-SA ABC1 1,053,000 281,000 391,000 143,000 108,000 132,000
5 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 995,000 325,000 344,000 123,000 102,000 102,000
6 MOUNTAIN WITH GRIFF RHYS JONES-EV ABC1 972,000 243,000 319,000 147,000 99,000 163,000
7 ABC NEWS UP-DATE ABC1 923,000 238,000 268,000 133,000 105,000 179,000
8 FIRST TEST - AUSTRALIA V NEW ZEALAND Nine 877,000 258,000 301,000 138,000 89,000 91,000
9 THE BILL ABC1 848,000 231,000 270,000 123,000 96,000 129,000
10 M-CHICKEN LITTLE Seven 833,000 226,000 281,000 113,000 92,000 121,000
13 M-AGENT CODY BANKS 2: DESTINATION LONDON Seven 676,000 167,000 262,000 97,000 50,000 101,000
15 THUNDERBIRDS RPT Ten 571,000 130,000 208,000 95,000 61,000 77,000
16 GLADIATOR RPT Ten 564,000 145,000 188,000 94,000 67,000 71,000
33 ROCKWIZ SBS 225,000 51,000 74,000 46,000 27,000 28,000
34 KYLIE MINOGUE INTERVIEW Seven 219,000 50,000 94,000 44,000 16,000 16,000
35 SCRUBS (R) Seven 212,000 54,000 80,000 55,000 22,000

• by David Dale at 08:07 AM
• Comments (90)

The Who We Are update: Week 45

This week of the blog is now a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. For today's media trends, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss how to avoid bad restaurants, go to Who We Are.

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,285,000 293,000 322,000 319,000 142,000 209,000
2 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,014,000 258,000 306,000 248,000 122,000 79,000
3 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC1 950,000 268,000 295,000 158,000 92,000 138,000
4 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 933,000 259,000 261,000 212,000 97,000 103,000
5 M-WALLACE & GROMIT: THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT Seven 848,000 181,000 224,000 213,000 82,000 149,000
6 ROUGH DIAMOND ABC1 830,000 216,000 240,000 155,000 91,000 128,000
7 THE BILL ABC1 812,000 204,000 262,000 105,000 108,000 133,000
8 ABC NEWS UP-DATE ABC1 805,000 184,000 268,000 129,000 94,000 131,000
9 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SAT Ten 727,000 192,000 187,000 164,000 74,000 110,000
10 M-THE PRINCE & ME Seven 683,000 199,000 173,000 151,000 69,000 90,000
11 THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT Ten 632,000 172,000 200,000 118,000 79,000 63,000
19 RUGBY LEAGUE WORLD CUP -SAT Nine 404,000 177,000 40,000 155,000 18,000 14,000
23 ROCKWIZ SBS 336,000 103,000 106,000 47,000 31,000 48,000
25 THE 2008 MELBOURNE CUP CARNIVAL: STAKES DAY Seven 311,000 68,000 144,000 47,000 30,000 22,000
31 CLASSIC ALBUMS: JOHN LENNON - THE PLASTIC ONO BAND SBS 238,000 65,000 84,000 47,000 19,000 22,000

• by David Dale at 08:49 AM
• Comments (76)

The Who We Are update: Week 44

This week of the blog is now a heritage item. To join the latest discussion, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss how the latest immigrants are improving Australia, go to Who We Are

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,161,000 307,000 319,000 232,000 111,000 193,000
2 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,081,000 267,000 391,000 250,000 98,000 75,000
3 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 879,000 235,000 270,000 193,000 80,000 101,000
4 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC1 864,000 186,000 322,000 141,000 99,000 117,000
5 ICE AGE THE MELTDOWN Ten 837,000 286,000 233,000 141,000 80,000 97,000
6 THE BILL ABC1 769,000 203,000 267,000 103,000 91,000 105,000
10 THE 2008 MELBOURNE CUP CARNIVAL: DERBY DAY - THE R Seven 561,000 127,000 256,000 64,000 58,000 56,000
11 THE INTERPRETER RPT Ten 550,000 182,000 153,000 84,000 51,000 79,000
15 SEVEN'S R.U: BLEDISLOE CUP: AUS V N Z Seven 487,000 204,000 38,000 200,000 28,000 19,000
25 ROCKWIZ SBS 323,000 104,000 115,000 40,000 33,000 31,000
26 MYTHBUSTERS RPT SBS 309,000 77,000 108,000 58,000 36,000 31,000
29 IRON CHEF RPT SBS 260,000 71,000 103,000 39,000 25,000 21,000
30 CLASSIC ALBUMS: THE DOORS - THE DOORS SBS 257,000 77,000 88,000 32,000 33,000 29,000
37 RUGBY LEAGUE WORLD CUP Nine 208,000 106,000 14,000 72,000 12,000 4,000

• by David Dale at 08:19 AM
• Comments (108)

The Who We Are update: Week 43

This week of the blog is now a heritage item -- worthy studying but no longer current. For the latest discussions on popular culture in Australia, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To predict the success of Australia (the movie), go to The Tribal Mind.

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,191,000 268,000 312,000 295,000 106,000 209,000
2 ABC NEWS-SA ABC1 986,000 262,000 327,000 159,000 94,000 145,000
3 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 966,000 241,000 329,000 199,000 95,000 102,000
4 FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 903,000 225,000 262,000 218,000 85,000 112,000
5 M-TOY STORY Seven 874,000 200,000 247,000 197,000 89,000 141,000
6 M-TOY STORY 2 Seven 816,000 215,000 249,000 159,000 80,000 114,000
7 ROUGH DIAMOND ABC1 811,000 197,000 265,000 145,000 86,000 118,000
8 THE BILL ABC1 796,000 190,000 288,000 118,000 91,000 109,000
9 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SAT Ten 745,000 184,000 200,000 123,000 77,000 162,000
10 SLEEPERS Ten 661,000 207,000 185,000 132,000 65,000 72,000
11 ELF -RPT Nine 653,000 208,000 170,000 141,000 54,000 80,000
23 RUGBY LEAGUE WORLD CUP Nine 320,000 181,000 12,000 103,000 9,000 14,000
24 MYTHBUSTERS RPT SBS 298,000 91,000 98,000 50,000 27,000 32,000
26 ROCKWIZ SBS 259,000 85,000 89,000 37,000 33,000 14,000

• by David Dale at 08:31 AM
• Comments (107)

WHO WE ARE: Save the grubs, cook the people

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 12/10/2008
Think the unthinkable and say the unsayable. That's this column's readers. In recent days, they have advanced these propositions: 1) The best way to make school history lessons more interesting is to teach less about boomerangs and witchetty grubs and more about the Chinese communist party; 2) the best way to make the planet healthier and happier is not eating more kangaroos but eating vegans, ideally with ginger and black bean sauce. Yes, that was vegans, not veggies.

The way this column works is that we raise questions about national identity, and the readers answer them, usually by shredding conventional wisdoms. When I observed that Australian history, as traditionally taught, was likely to leave students with the impression that they lived in one of the most boring countries on earth, 57 readers replied.

Many urged the inclusion of more information about the people who were here before 1770. But Kate, who finished high school in 2005, complained: "Every year between year 3 and year 10 it was witchetty grubs, boomerangs, dispossession or reconciliation depending on how old you were. These are all very valuable topics and should be studied, but on and off for SEVEN YEARS? The statement that we were about to study either Australian or Aboriginal history was usually met with a groan.

"My favourite topics were the Cold War (and the Cuban Missile Crisis), the historiography (not history) of the Crusades, China under the CCP and the Industrial Revolution. Everything I've learnt in those subjects I've used a hundredfold since entering university. No one has asked me about witchetty grubs though...."

When I asked how Australians might be persuaded to follow Professor Garnaut's suggestion that we eat more kangaroo, 50 readers responded.

David H offered these suggestions: "Sheep and cattle need chemicals and innoculations that adds to the cost of raising them and who knows what proportion of those chemicals find their way into the food chain. Come on Aussies, get into your Roo Lasagne, Roo Chow Mein, Pho Roo, Roo au Vin, Roo Shanks and Mash, McRoo, Roo and Mushroom Pies. Write Roo recipe books. Throw another Roo Tail on the Barbie!"

Bonobo's Daughter suggested another approach: "Try becoming vegans - as nature intended us to be ... Not only will you experience vastly better health but you'll be doing the planet a huge favour. No more land clearing or destruction of the ocean's food chain - and save millions of our fellow creatures from suffering."

This worried "Peril", who asked: "But what would we do for a mixed grill? Koalas and wombats aren't plentiful enough and flying fox is too much effort to get a feed off. Emu is a possibility but it needs something more. How about some distraught Vegans? We get good food and reduce suffering at the same time." To which Charlie added: "A nice Vegan with black bean sauce, bit of ginger and garlic, yummo!

To join the discussion on what Australian history our kids should learn, go to Big Ideas.
To join the discussion on how to make Australians eat kangaroo, go to Beetroots and aliens

• by David Dale at 04:14 AM
• Comments (14)

WHO WE ARE: But what if the beetroots are the aliens?

To discuss if there is too much Australian content on television, go to The Tribal Mind
For regular updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 5/10/2008
The greening guru Ross Garnaut faces an uphill battle when he urges Australians to eat more kangaroo and less beef, for the sake of the environment and their health. Cattle tread heavily on the landscape, their meat gives us heart attacks and their poo produces greenhouse gases and a breeding ground for flies. Kangaroos tread lightly and their meat is low in fat and high in iron.

The logic is impeccable, but Australians aren't listening. It's not that they don't like the taste of roo. They won't even try it. Apparently they suffer a Skippy complex -- a reluctance, ingrained since childhood, to eat a cuddly creature who can articulate complex thoughts in a vocabulary of clicks and operate machinery with paws that lack opposable thumbs.

Every good waiter and every good parent knows that any dish tastes better when it comes with a story, so it's time for me to discuss once again a theory that might help sell roo meat to the masses. It is based on the discovery that grilled kangaroo with pureed beetroot is a marriage made in heaven - a natural and inevitable culinary combination like fish and chips, duck and orange, bangers and mash, and pie and sauce.

The master of this dish was a chef named Raymond Kersh, who ran a Sydney restaurant called Edna's Table with his sister Jennice. For 20 years they struggled to persuade Australians to eat local ingredients - not just kangaroo but an array of fruits, herbs and vegetables that sustained this country's population for 60,000 years before the arrival of the cow, the potato and the orange. Visitors loved their menu, but locals stayed away.

Edna's Table finally closed in 2005. Making her farewells, Jennice Kersh said: "We're not interested in being just a tourist gimmick. We think eating your own food is part of your sense of place. Most Australians still don't have that sense of belonging."

The mystery remains: why do kangaroo and beetroot work so well together, when one originated in the south Pacific and the other in the Mediterranean? I think the perfection of this duet is evidence of an alien visitation millions of years ago. The masters of the universe came here, inserted kangaroo at one end of the planet and beetroot at the other, then went off to await the evolution of a creature smart enough to join them together.

A couple of hundred years ago the Europeans developed the technology to carry the beetroot southwards. The first time a chef put it on a plate with a fillet of kangaroo, it closed a circuit in the space time continuum and sent a message across the stars which said "We are ready!" Even as you read this, the aliens are on their way back to invite us to join the galactic federation.

If we are not chewing on roo when they get here, there'll be big trouble. After that long a journey, they won't react kindly to a race that blew its big opportunity.

Give us your theories on how Skippy might save the planet at Comments ...

• by David Dale at 10:37 AM
• Comments (54)

WHO WE ARE: Better living through English

To discuss if there is too much Australian content on television, go to The Tribal Mind
For regular updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 28/9/2008
In ancient tribes, the values of the community were passed on to young people via stories told by elders around the campfire. In modern society, this function is performed by the television set at home and the English syllabus at school. A body called the National Curriculum Board is currently trying to determine the essential values and stories the elders in the classroom should pass on to the kids of Australia from 2010 onwards. The board didn't ask, but this column and its readers can give them some suggestions.

Mind you, they don't need to look much further than the current NSW English syllabus for years 7 to 10. I read the whole thing last week (it takes an hour) and was amazed to find that it doesn't just give students tools for communicating clearly in adult life, but it actually wants to turn them into decent people.

These are among its aims: "Enable all students to develop positive self-concepts and their capacity to establish and maintain safe, healthy and rewarding lives";
"Prepare all students for effective and responsible participation in their society, taking account of moral, ethical and spiritual considerations";
"Promote a fair and just society that values diversity."

That's pretty ambitious for an English syllabus (click here to read the whole thing). In my day, the teacher was happy if you left school able to quote a bit of Shakespeare and tell the difference between a metaphor and a simile.

It's not just about books any more. The syllabus uses the word "text" to cover movies, TV shows, poems, comics, articles, books, plays and even video games. In offering a recommended list, it says: "Texts were selected for this list on the basis of their ability to challenge the reader -- texts that have layered and multiple meanings, and that provoke thought. The classroom use of texts from these lists should help students gain pleasure and power from the exploration of real and imaginary (including virtual) worlds."

Shakespeare is still there, but the suggested reading also includes Lemony Snicket's The Bad Beginning, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Looking for Alibrandi, To Kill A Mockingbird, Northern Lights (which turned into the movie The Golden Compass), and John Marsden's Tomorrow When The War Began.

The suggested movies include Apollo 13; Babe; Breaker Morant ("invites discussion of the injustice meted out to the defendants and the portrayal of different moral and ethical systems and situations"); Chariots of Fire (which deals with themes of "friendship and loyalty, faith and belief, racism and nationalism"); Chicken Run; E.T; Ever After ("A gender reading of the film is a clear base for study. Danielle challenges the viewers' preconceptions of Cinderella. She is independent and strong, and can fight with a sword, saving Prince Henry and later herself from attack. She is well-read and intellectual, and challenges the prince's patriarchal and aristocratic thinking"); Gallipoli; Picnic at Hanging Rock; Raiders of the Lost Ark; Shine and Shrek. (Click here to read all the recommendations).

They sound stimulating, but where are Crocodile Dundee, Dead Calm, Mad Max, My Brilliant Career, Priscilla Queen of the Dessert, Puberty Blues, Rabbit-Proof Fence, Romper Stomper, Romulus My Father, Strictly Ballroom, Ten Canoes, They're A Weird Mob, Two Hands and The Year of Living Dangerously?

They all incorporate the kind of social conscience the syllabus wants to instill in pre-adults. And they might help a new generation to overcome the current assumption that Australian films are clumsy and boring.

Go to Comments to discuss what else should be taught in The New English. And to discuss what Australian history our kids should learn at school, go to last week's column.

Pictures show Crocodile Dundee, Ever After, Mad Max.

• by David Dale at 08:01 PM
• Comments (19)

The Who We Are update: Week 40

This week of the blog is now a heritage item. For the latest discussion, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss if there is too much Australian content on television, go to The Tribal Mind
To discuss what movies our kids should study in English lessons, go to Who We Are

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,263,000 326,000 347,000 257,000 122,000 210,000
2 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,084,000 272,000 350,000 234,000 129,000 99,000
3 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 1,036,000 260,000 281,000 226,000 114,000 155,000
4 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC1 995,000 287,000 291,000 201,000 103,000 113,000
7 THE BILL ABC1 796,000 252,000 236,000 116,000 87,000 106,000
8 MEN IN BLACK II RPT Ten 795,000 178,000 308,000 143,000 84,000 82,000
9 STICK IT Nine 794,000 227,000 225,000 160,000 68,000 114,000
11 GARDENING AUSTRALIA ABC1 710,000 199,000 213,000 151,000 72,000 75,000
13 M-THE SHAGGY DOG Seven 577,000 167,000 191,000 154,000 66,000
14 M-DODGEBALL: A TRUE UNDERDOG STORY Seven 574,000 147,000 212,000 149,000 66,000
15 BLACK HAWK DOWN RPT Ten 554,000 108,000 218,000 86,000 58,000 84,000
21 MYTHBUSTERS: MACGYVER SPECIAL SBS 377,000 89,000 126,000 75,000 47,000 40,000
22 IRON CHEF RPT SBS 307,000 66,000 142,000 47,000 25,000 27,000
35 ROCKWIZ SBS 209,000 63,000 72,000 42,000 22,000 11,000

• by David Dale at 10:44 AM
• Comments (94)

WHO WE ARE: Big Ideas beat big battles

To discuss the smartest lines ever written for Australian television, go to The Tribal Mind
For regular updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 21/9/2008
What is the core knowledge every Australian child needs before starting adulthood? That question is worrying a new body called the National Curriculum Board, which met in Sydney last week to start building a syllabus for history, English, science and maths that will apply across all schools from 2010. We can leave the experts alone with the last two. But we can and should offer them help in deciding what is our essential history.

Traditionally history lessons convinced kids Australia is one of the most boring places on the planet. While Europe offered wars, murders, revolution and romance, Australia was all about wheat, sheep and explorers interminably crossing deserts. I've only just discovered that in reality, Australia in the 19th century was a fascinating place, where visionary people were passionately debating ideas with powerful resonance today.

In the 1830s, 160 years before Paul Keating, a teacher named Robert Lyon gave speeches urging the settlers to sign a treaty with the Aborigines: "They did not go to the British Isles to make war upon you; but ye came from the British Isles to make war upon them.

"They have all along shown themselves ready to be reconciled, desirous to live in peace and amity with you and even willing to be taught your manners, laws and polity ... Ye destroy the natural productions of the soil on which they live, ye devour their fish and their game, and ye drive them from the abodes of their ancestors." He warned that if the relationship was not resolved, "your own children, for whose sakes ye have invaded the country, will join with the disinherited offspring of those ye have slain to pour a flood of curses upon your memory."

In 1849 - 150 years before Malcolm Turnbull was pushing a republic -- we came close to an American-style revolution against Britain over the use of convicts as slaves for rich landowners. A lawyer named Robert Lowe gathered 5000 people at Circular Quay to block the landing of a convict ship and said: "I view this attempt to inflict the worst and most degrading slavery on the colony only as a sequence of that oppressive tyranny which has confiscated the lands of the colony for the benefit of a class.

"As in America, oppression was the parent of independence, so it will be in this colony. And so, sure as the seed will grow into the plant, and the plant to the tree, in all times, and in all nations, so will injustice and tyranny ripen into rebellion, and rebellion into independence." (Two years later Britain stopped sending convicts to the east coast).

And in 1889, 80 years before Germaine Greer, Louisa Lawson was examining the legal rights of women: "Here in New South Wales, every man may vote, let his character be bad, his judgement purchasable and his intellect of the weakest, but an honourable and thoughtful and good woman may be laughed at by such men ... In divorce, men are protected from infidelity: not women. Wives may still be forced to live in the same house with a husband whom they hate and fear."

At the time, those ideas were radical -- not just for Australia but for the world. But we didn't think enough of ourselves to include people like Lyon, Lowe and Lawson in the conventional history syllabus. They deserve to be remembered more than the likes of Blaxland, Leichhardt and Burke. Now is our chance.

Go to Comments to tell us what else should be in the core curriculum. Next week's column will look at what should be in a national English syllabus.

• by David Dale at 10:22 PM
• Comments (58)

The Who We Are update: Week 41

This week of the blog is no longer current. For the latest discusion of media in Aiustralia, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss how to make Australians eat kangaroo, go to Who We Are.
To celebrate the birthday of Daffy Duck, go to The Tribal Mind.

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,275,000 340,000 327,000 309,000 109,000 190,000
2 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,025,000 261,000 304,000 264,000 104,000 92,000
3 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC1 950,000 247,000 284,000 198,000 89,000 131,000
4 M-HOLES Seven 935,000 264,000 203,000 232,000 95,000 141,000
5 THE BILL ABC1 932,000 310,000 259,000 166,000 93,000 103,000
6 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 914,000 231,000 224,000 230,000 80,000 149,000
9 SEVEN'S V8 SUPERCARS ROUND 10: BATHURST D2 - TOP 10 SHOOTOUT Seven 749,000 237,000 213,000 170,000 81,000 48,000
10 SEVEN'S V8 SUPERCARS ROUND 10: BATHURST D2 - AFTERNOON Seven 746,000 231,000 209,000 171,000 88,000 48,000
12 GARDENING AUSTRALIA ABC1 634,000 142,000 193,000 148,000 59,000 92,000
13 M-ALIEN VS. PREDATOR Seven 615,000 170,000 176,000 128,000 67,000 75,000
18 OLIVER TWIST Nine 542,000 141,000 170,000 108,000 54,000 70,000
19 SEVEN'S V8 SUPERCARS ROUND 10: BATHURST D2 - EARLY Seven 497,000 164,000 111,000 125,000 58,000 38,000
24 MYTHBUSTERS RPT SBS 307,000 83,000 76,000 68,000 36,000 44,000
27 NO WAY, GET F*#KED, F*#K OFF SBS 276,000 72,000 91,000 48,000 37,000 29,000
30 IRON CHEF RPT SBS 263,000 75,000 91,000 43,000 24,000 31,000
31 ROCKWIZ SBS 245,000 60,000 57,000 51,000 39,000 39,000

• by David Dale at 06:07 PM