The Sun-Herald

The Who We Are update: Week 24

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
Channel Seven won the week, largely because of Australia's Got Talent and its news. If this column's theory of a political link is correct, Kevin Rudd can look forward to a slight blip in the polls. SBS has stolen viewers from the ABC, thanks to the soccer.

The prime time audience shares for the week ended up like this: ABC3 0.4%; SBSTWO 0.4%; ONE 1.0; ABC2 1.2; 7TWO 2.5; GO 2.8; SBS1 4.8; ABC1 11.8; All Pay Stations 14.8; Ten 17.9; Nine 19.5; Seven 20.3.

What Australia watched, week ending June 12
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,894,000 586,000 611,000 301,000 212,000 184,000
2 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,831,000 552,000 599,000 282,000 201,000 197,000
3 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 1,809,000 495,000 590,000 307,000 192,000 225,000
4 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,696,000 488,000 507,000 354,000 145,000 202,000
5 UNDERBELLY: THE GOLDEN MILE Nine 1,599,000 546,000 506,000 253,000 155,000 139,000
6 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,562,000 409,000 477,000 337,000 134,000 205,000
7 MODERN FAMILY Ten 1,536,000 373,000 530,000 276,000 141,000 216,000
8 NCIS Ten 1,513,000 360,000 434,000 339,000 166,000 214,000
9 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,505,000 439,000 404,000 337,000 192,000 133,000
10 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,501,000 402,000 407,000 303,000 170,000 219,000
11 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,465,000 373,000 406,000 302,000 171,000 213,000
12 GLEE Ten 1,413,000 401,000 425,000 274,000 137,000 176,000
13 SUNDAY NIGHT Seven 1,393,000 389,000 424,000 305,000 139,000 135,000
14 BONES Seven 1,327,000 362,000 391,000 264,000 150,000 159,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 08:19 AM
• Comments (57)

The Tribal Mind: The films Australia loved

FOR THE LATEST UPDATE OF THIS CHART, AND A FORUM TO DISCUSS IT, GO TO The Tribal Mind.

List of the 150 highest-grossing movies of all time, and the 65 movies seen by the greatest number of Australians, prepared by David Dale for The Sydney Morning Herald from data provided by the Motion Picture Distributors Association of Australia. Last updated June 10, 2010.

Top flicks of the past 12 months: Avatar $115 million; Alice in Wonderland $37.5 m; Sherlock Holmes $26m; Iron Man 2 $26m; Sex and the City 2 $23m; Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel $23m; How To Train Your Dragon $20.5m; Clash of the Titans $19.5m; Shrek Forever After 19m; Robin Hood $18.5m; It's Complicated $16m; Valentine's Day $16m; The Blind Side $13.2m; Prince of Persia $11m; Tooth Fairy $10.5m; Shutter Island $10m; Date Night $9m. Hangovers from last year: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince $40.6m; Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen $40.3m; New Moon $39m; Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs $29.8m; Up $28m; The Hangover $21.4m.
Australian films in the past 12 months: Mao's Last Dancer $15.2m; Bran Nue Day $7.5m; The Kings of Mykonos $5m; Animal Kingdom $4m; Charlie and Boots $3.7m; Samson and Delilah $3.2m; Beneath Hill 60 $3.1m; Bright Star $2.9m; Daybreakers $2.4m (worldwide $35m); I Love You Too $2.4m; Animal Kingdom $2m.

Australia's total box office for 2009 was $1.09 billion -- 15 per cent more than the record figure in 2008. But the number of admissions was 90.7 million, less than the record 92.5 million in 2001 and 2002. Average ticket price in 2009 was $12. Australian films got 5 per cent of the box office.

The Australian box office
1. Avatar (2009) $115m
2. Titanic (1997) $57.6 million
3. Shrek 2 (2004) $50.4m
4. The Return of the King (2003) $49.4m
5. Crocodile Dundee (1986) $47.7m
6. Fellowship of the Ring (2001) $47.4m
7. The Dark Knight (2008) $46.1m
8. The Two Towers (2002) $45.7m
9. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (2001) $42.3m
10. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (2009) $40.6m
11. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) $40.3m
12. Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace (1999) $39m
13. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006) $38 m
14. The Twilight saga: New Moon (2009) $38m
15. Finding Nemo (2003) $37.5m
16. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) $37.5m
17. Alice in Wonderland (2010) $37.5m
18. Australia (2008) $37m (US$50m, world $US205m)
19. Babe (1995) $37m

• by David Dale at 11:50 PM
• Comments (17)

The Tribal Mind: The music Australia loved

FOR THE LATEST UPDATE OF THIS CHART, AND A FORUM TO DISCUSS IT, GO TO The Tribal Mind

Lists of top selling albums and most successful performers, prepared by David Dale using data from ARIA and last updated May 31, 2010.

The top selling albums of the CD era
1. Whispering Jack (John Farnham) 1986
2. Come On Over (Shania Twain) 1997
3. Jagged Little Pill (Alanis Morissette) 1995
4. Innocent Eyes (Delta Goodrem) 2003
5. Music Box (Mariah Carey) 1993
6. Thriller (Michael Jackson) 1983
7. Savage Garden (Savage Garden) 1997
8. Falling Into You (Celine Dion) 1996
9. Recurring Dream (Crowded House) 1996
10. Abba Gold (Abba) 1992
11. Immaculate Collection (Madonna) 1990
12. Age of Reason (John Farnham) 1988
13. The Very Best of (The Eagles) 1994
14. Don't Ask (Tina Arena) 1994
15. Remasters (Led Zeppelin) 1990
16 I'm Not Dead (Pink) 2006
17 Funhouse (Pink) 2009
18. Soul Deep (Jimmy Barnes) 1991
19. Forgiven Not Forgotten (The Corrs) 1995
20. Come Away With Me (Norah Jones) 2002
21. The Sound of White (Missy Higgins) 2005
22 Yourself or Someone Like You (Matchbox 20) 1996
23 Forrest Gump (Soundtrack) 1994
24 Only By The Night (Kings of Leon) 2008
25 Get Born (Jet) 2007

• by David Dale at 10:50 PM
• Comments (48)

The Tribal Mind: The TV shows Australia loved

FOR THE LATEST UPDATE OF THIS CHART, AND A FORUM TO DISCUSS IT, GO TO The Tribal Mind

This contains charts of the most watched programs of the 20th and 21st centuries, prepared by David Dale for The Sydney Morning Herald and based on data from OzTAM and ACNielsen. Last updated May 31, 2010.

Most watched shows in 2010: State of Origin rugby league match 1 (9) 2.46m; Tennis: Aus Open Men's Final (7) 2.35m; Underbelly: The Golden Mile premiere (9) 2.24m; MasterChef Australia (10) 1.93m; Top Gear premiere (9) 1.68m; Two and a Half Men (9) 1.59m; The Biggest Loser Winner Announced (10) 1.57m; My Kitchen Rules (7) 1.56m.

The top shows since 2001
Based on OzTAM's audience estimates for the mainland capitals. Series figures are for the most watched episode of the year.
1 Tennis: Aus Open final - Hewitt v Safin 2005 (7) 4.04 million
2 Rugby World Cup final 2003 (7) 4.01 million
3 MasterChef Australia - Winner Announced 2009 (10) 3.74 million
4 Commonwealth Games Opening Ceremony 2006 (9) 3.56m
5 AFL Grand Final 2005 (10) 3.39m
6 Australian Idol final verdict 2004 (10) 3.35m
7 Australian Idol final 2003 (10) 3.30 m
8 AFL Grand Final 2006 (10) 3.15m
9 The Block auction 2003 (9) 3.11 m
10 September 11 reportage, September 12, 2001 (9, 7, ABC) 3.10 m
11 Tennis: Wimbledon day 14 2001 (9) 3.04 m
12 AFL grand final 2003 (10) 2.96 m
13 AFL grand final 2009 (10) 2.70m
14 Big Brother winner announced 2004 (10) 2.86m
15 Australian Idol Live from Opera House 2004 (10) 2.86 m
16 Beijing Olympics opening ceremony 2008 (7) 2.82m

• by David Dale at 09:50 PM
• Comments (18)

The Tribal Mind: The DVDs Australia loved

FOR THE LATEST UPDATE OF THIS CHART, AND A FORUM TO DISCUSS IT, GO TO The Tribal Mind

List of the most most purchased DVDs since 1998, prepared by David Dale for The Sydney Morning Herald, using data from GFK Australia. Last updated May 31, 2010.

The top selling DVDs of all time
1. Finding Nemo (2004)
2 Mamma Mia! (2008)
3 Monsters Inc (2002)
4 Fellowship of the Ring (2002)
5 The Two Towers (2003)
6 Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2003)
7 Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2006)
8 Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
9 Return of the King (2004)
10 Avatar (2010)
11 Pirates of the Caribbean (2004)
12 The Notebook (2005)
13 Shrek 2 (2004)
14 Dirty Dancing (2000)
15 The Dark Knight (2008)
16 Pirates 2: Dead Man's Chest (2006)
17 Cars (2006)
18 The Matrix (1999)
19 The Incredibles (2005)
20 Ice Age (2002)
21 Gladiator (2000)
22 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)

• by David Dale at 08:10 PM
• Comments (6)

The Who We Are update: Week 23

Australia's smartest forum about popular culture has moved to The Tribal Mind

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
The prime time audience shares for the week ended up like this: SBSTWO 0.3%; ABC3 0.4%; ONE 1.1; ABC2 1.2; 7TWO 2.7; GO 2.8; SBS1 4.1; ABC1 11.3; All Pay Stations 15.2; Ten 18.2; Seven 19.4; Nine 20.7. On this trajectory, Nine will win the year. Does it deserve to? Was four years in the wilderness long enough to teach it about keeping faith with viewers?

What Australia watched, week ending June 5
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 1,881,000 511,000 621,000 311,000 200,000 238,000
2 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,833,000 482,000 611,000 312,000 213,000 215,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,777,000 437,000 508,000 408,000 153,000 270,000
4 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,765,000 543,000 510,000 345,000 196,000 171,000
5 UNDERBELLY: THE GOLDEN MILE Nine 1,667,000 561,000 524,000 281,000 130,000 172,000
6 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,586,000 461,000 493,000 261,000 173,000 198,000
7 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,540,000 416,000 443,000 290,000 161,000 229,000
8 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 1,536,000 441,000 502,000 296,000 122,000 175,000
9 MODERN FAMILY Ten 1,524,000 448,000 493,000 244,000 170,000 170,000
10 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,484,000 430,000 492,000 298,000 101,000 163,000
11 NCIS Ten 1,460,000 420,000 386,000 283,000 179,000 191,000
12 CUSTOMS Nine 1,455,000 407,000 454,000 254,000 161,000 179,000
13 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,419,000 357,000 409,000 286,000 159,000 208,000
14 GLEE Ten 1,392,000 381,000 470,000 277,000 120,000 145,000

• by David Dale at 10:05 AM
• Comments (68)

The Who We Are update: Week 22

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To discuss whether family is the new technology, go to The Tribal Mind.
To find the future of Australian film, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10am Sunday
Channel Nine easily won the week, thanks to biffo, and looks like winning the year, largely because of Underbelly 3. Seven is looking old and tired. Its strongest programs are the news (unaffected by any alleged boycott) and Australia's Got Talent, which is propped up by viewers over 55 who don't watch MasterChef. If this column's theory of a political link is correct, Tony Abbott's rise in the opinion polls will parallel Nine's rise in the ratings. Channel Seven needs to pull a rabbit out of its hat, just like Kevin Rudd.

The prime time audience shares for the week ended up like this: SBSTWO 0.3%; ABC3 0.4%; ONE 1.1; ABC2 1.2; 7TWO 2.6; GO 2.8; SBS1 4.0; ABC1 11.9; All Pay Stations 14.8; Ten 17.6; Seven 19.3; Nine 21.8.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "FOX Sports' 3D broadcast of the World Cup warm-up match for the Socceroos, Live: Football: Australia v NZ, topped the week with 299,000 viewers; Live: NRL Sharks v Broncos was watched by 275,000 people and Live: AFL West Coast v St Kilda was seen by 211,000 people (on FOX Sports).

"Tuesday night's broadcast of Family Guy on FOX8 was seen by 135,000 people, Selling Houses Australia on The Lifestyle Channel was watched by 120,000, and the premiere of Starstruck on Disney Channel was seen by 98,000 people. Top Gear on BBC Knowledge was watched by 91,000 people, Project Runway on Arena by 89,000, and iCarly on Nickelodeon was viewed by 76,000 people.

"In week 22, subscription TV channels had 21.2% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 20.0% of all regional viewing and 54.4% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending May 30
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 STATE OF ORIGIN RUGBY LEAGUE NSW V QLD 1ST - MATCH Nine 2,455,000 1,179,000 328,000 824,000 62,000 62,000
2 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 1,677,000 424,000 614,000 237,000 179,000 222,000
3 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,674,000 459,000 552,000 278,000 181,000 204,000
4 UNDERBELLY: THE GOLDEN MILE Nine 1,643,000 580,000 480,000 238,000 148,000 197,000
5 STATE OF ORIGIN RUGBY LEAGUE NSW V QLD 1ST - PRE MATCH Nine 1,633,000 778,000 258,000 597,000
6 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,630,000 376,000 453,000 384,000 157,000 261,000
7 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,563,000 456,000 509,000 253,000 189,000 155,000
8 MODERN FAMILY Ten 1,548,000 393,000 514,000 287,000 161,000 192,000
9 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,539,000 409,000 446,000 291,000 161,000 232,000
10 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,496,000 447,000 377,000 333,000 133,000 206,000
11 NCIS Ten 1,466,000 381,000 393,000 310,000 181,000 201,000
12 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,448,000 427,000 468,000 227,000 141,000 185,000
13 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,445,000 368,000 412,000 282,000 169,000 215,000
14 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 1,408,000 377,000 487,000 253,000 120,000 172,000
15 NINE NEWS Nine 1,359,000 383,000 418,000 276,000 125,000 156,000
16 GLEE Ten 1,333,000 425,000 408,000 217,000 131,000 152,000
17 CUSTOMS Nine 1,331,000 365,000 446,000 241,000 129,000 149,000
18 TOP GEAR Nine 1,291,000 372,000 410,000 263,000 129,000 116,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 09:16 AM
• Comments (69)

The Who We Are update: Week 21

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to The Tribal Mind.

To discuss whether 3-D is just putting lipstick on a pig, go to The Tribal Mind.
To nominate the most interesting and the most embarrassing Australian movies of the past 30 years, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
Channel Seven narrowly won the week. If this column's theory of a political link is correct, Kevin Rudd will enjoy a small bump in the opinion polls.

The prime time audience shares for the week ended up like this: ABC3 0.4%; SBSTWO 0.4%; ONE 1.3; ABC2 1.3; 7TWO 2.6; GO 2.6; SBS1 3.8; ABC1 12.1; All Pay Stations 15.2; Ten 17.0; Nine 20.0; Seven 20.6; .

This was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "The match between Parramatta and Cronulla, Live: NRL Eels v Sharks on FOX Sports was seen by 317,000 viewers. Parramatta's clash with Manly earlier in the week was watched by 309,000 people (FOX Sports). In Australian Rules football, Live: AFL St Kilda v Essendon was watched by 251,000 viewers and Live: AFL Richmond v Hawthorn had 179,000 viewers.
Other top programs include: Selling Houses on The Lifestyle Channel: 170,000 TV viewers; Project Runway on ARENA: 127,000 viewers; Family Guy on FOX8: 122,000 viewers; American Idol Performance Show on FOX8: 97,000 viewers and Law & Order: SVU on TV1: 80,000 viewers.
"In week 21, subscription TV channels had 21.2% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 20.2% of all regional viewing and 54.8% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."
What Australia watched, week ending May 22
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,843,000 493,000 548,000 346,000 193,000 264,000
2 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,675,000 443,000 553,000 287,000 165,000 227,000
3 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 1,675,000 452,000 564,000 270,000 181,000 208,000
4 UNDERBELLY: THE GOLDEN MILE Nine 1,644,000 573,000 503,000 247,000 145,000 177,000
5 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,552,000 424,000 478,000 322,000 165,000 162,000
6 MODERN FAMILY Ten 1,549,000 448,000 488,000 251,000 173,000 190,000
7 SUNDAY NIGHT Seven 1,502,000 416,000 421,000 308,000 162,000 195,000
8 NCIS Ten 1,485,000 445,000 397,000 271,000 181,000 190,000
9 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,473,000 397,000 416,000 282,000 154,000 222,000
10 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,457,000 406,000 369,000 313,000 151,000 218,000
11 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,431,000 447,000 417,000 244,000 129,000 194,000
12 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE Seven 1,384,000 392,000 418,000 239,000 152,000 183,000
13 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,370,000 357,000 384,000 273,000 157,000 200,000
14 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 1,351,000 354,000 466,000 244,000 102,000 185,000
15 60 MINUTES Nine 1,338,000 413,000 402,000 284,000 100,000 139,000
16 SEND IN THE DOGS Nine 1,319,000 363,000 422,000 229,000 142,000 162,000
17 NINE NEWS Nine 1,312,000 366,000 422,000 259,000 127,000 139,000
18 GLEE Ten 1,308,000 353,000 422,000 258,000 126,000 149,000
19 CUSTOMS Nine 1,289,000 364,000 419,000 224,000 135,000 147,000
20 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,243,000 352,000 424,000 227,000 112,000 128,000
21 BORDER SECURITY (R) Seven 1,228,000 334,000 378,000 222,000 140,000 154,000
22 SEA PATROL Nine 1,224,000 369,000 386,000 199,000 142,000 129,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 07:22 PM
• Comments (63)

WHO WE ARE: Never mind the quality, feel the prejudice

To learn the real reasons people over 55 don't watch MasterChef, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 16/5/2010
One of the finest films ever made in Australia will drop out of the box office top ten this week after being seen by less than 300,000 of us. How many times could I have written that sentence in the past 30 years?

It happens I'm talking about the war movie Beneath Hill 60, but I could have been discussing any of a vast array of well-reviewed, well-publicised dramas and comedies that fell victim to the entrenched prejudice that Ozflicks are either lame or depressing.

This doesn't mean, of course, that no Australian film has sold more than $3 million worth of tickets in the past 30 years. But an almost inverse relationship seems to be developing between commercial success and saying something interesting about Australian life. Consider these two charts.

The most successful locally made films of the past 30 years
1 Crocodile Dundee (sold 9 million tickets in 1986)
2 Babe (5.5 million tickets in 1995)
3 Crocodile Dundee Two (4 million in 1988)
4 The Man from Snowy River (3.5m in 1982)
5 Australia (3.5m in 2008)
6 Gallipoli (3m in 1981)
7 Happy Feet (3m in 2006)
8 Mad Max 2 (3m in 1981)
9 Moulin Rouge (3m in 2001)
10 Strictly Ballroom (3m in 1992)

The most interesting locally made films of the past 30 years
1 Lantana (sold 1.3 million tickets in 2001)
3 Gallipoli (3m in 1981)
4 Two Hands (700,000 in 1999)
5 Oscar and Lucinda (250,000 in 1998)
7 Rabbit Proof Fence (900,000 in 2002)
8 Muriel's Wedding (2.3m in 1994)
7 Beneath Hill 60 (250,000 in 2010)
8 Shine (1.4m in 1996)
9 Kenny (800,000 in 2006)
10 The Castle (1.3m in 1997).

The first chart comes from dividing each film's earnings by the average ticket price in the year of release. Three movies - Babe, Happy Feet, and Moulin Rouge -- could have been made anywhere (unless you want to argue that George Miller and Baz Luhrman are gifted directors purely because of their Australianness).

Only one movie - Gallipoli - appears on both charts, and it comes from a decade when Australians were still enthusiastic about their own stories. The second chart is of course subjective, based on my favourites that could only have been made here. It's simply a conversation starter, and I'm happy to replace any of the entries with films you nominate by going to Comments.

You might prefer some of my runners-up -- Malcolm, Getting' Square, Ten Canoes, Little Fish, Looking for Alibrandi -- or something completely different. While you're at that web address, nominating the flicks you found most interesting, how about nominating the most embarrassing Australian flicks of the past 30 years (I'll start the ball rolling with I Love You Too, currently showing in certain cinemas). And tell us why you think Australian films are so on the nose with Australians, and what we ought to do about it. This background information might be useful ..

Australia is the fourth most movie-loving nation of the world , with per capita attendances just behind Singapore, Iceland and Ireland, and just ahead of America and South Korea. Some 70 per cent of us go to the cinema at least once a year (seven times a year, on average). The most frequent cinemagoers are people aged 14-24 (84 per cent of them average nine visits). In that age group, males slightly outnumber females. The least enthusiastic cinema goers are people over 50 (only 50 per cent go at least once a year, with females outnumbering males).

Now go to Comments to nominate your favourites, your most disliked and your solutions.

• by David Dale at 06:31 AM
• Comments (18)

The Who We Are update: Week 20

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to The Tribal Mind.

To discuss the most interesting and the most embarrassing Australian movies of the past 30 years, go to Who We Are.
To learn the real reasons people over 55 don't watch MasterChef, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10am Sunday
Channel Nine is winning the year, largely because of Underbelly 3 and 2.5 Men. Seven's strongest show is Australia's Got Talent, which is propped up by viewers over 55 who don't watch MasterChef. If this column's theory of a political link is correct, Tony Abbott's rise in the opinion polls will parallel Nine's rise in the ratings. Channel Seven needs to pull a rabbit out of its hat, just like Kevin Rudd.

The prime time audience shares for the week ended up like this: ABC3 0.4%; SBSTWO 0.4%; ONE 1.1; ABC2 1.4; 7TWO 2.6; GO 2.6; SBS1 3.8; ABC1 12.2; All Pay Stations 15.0; Ten 16.9; Seven 20.5; Nine 20.9.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "Monday night Live: NRL Roosters v Cowboys coverage on Fox Sports was the most viewed program of the week with 242,000 viewers, closely followed by the Sunday afternoon Live: AFL Adelaide v Richmond broadcast with 236,000 viewers. The early Wednesday morning Fox Sports 2 coverage of Live: ICC World Twenty was viewed by 94,000 people.

"On Wednesday night, Lifestyle Channel's Selling Houses Australia had 152,000 viewers and FOX8's animation programming had a strong week with a trio of programs scoring well: Family Guy was watched by 118,000 viewers on Tuesday night, Futurama had 117,000 on Wednesday night and The Simpsons was seen by 95,000 on Sunday night. Project Runway on Arena was watched by 88,000 people, Hannah Montana on Disney Channel was seen by 77,000 people and Captive for 18 Years premiered on Crime & Investigation with 77,000 viewers.

"In week 20, subscription TV channels had 21.2% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, STV was 20.1% of all regional viewing and 54.4% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending May 15
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 UNDERBELLY: THE GOLDEN MILE Nine 1,647,000 606,000 433,000 294,000 146,000 169,000
2 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 1,644,000 458,000 525,000 274,000 182,000 205,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,572,000 425,000 426,000 322,000 173,000 226,000
4 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,548,000 362,000 542,000 278,000 170,000 197,000
5 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,509,000 418,000 518,000 219,000 163,000 192,000
6 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,473,000 367,000 417,000 375,000 164,000 150,000
7 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,439,000 381,000 407,000 268,000 162,000 220,000
8 NCIS Ten 1,422,000 373,000 382,000 305,000 164,000 199,000
9 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 1,388,000 435,000 424,000 270,000 105,000 154,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,353,000 340,000 387,000 262,000 159,000 204,000
11 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,341,000 348,000 362,000 286,000 145,000 200,000
12 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,328,000 384,000 373,000 264,000 137,000 170,000
13 NINE NEWS Nine 1,293,000 359,000 429,000 254,000 126,000 124,000
14 SUNDAY NIGHT Seven 1,289,000 335,000 388,000 262,000 128,000 176,000
15 TOP GEAR Nine 1,282,000 345,000 388,000 276,000 122,000 151,000
16 THE MENTALIST Nine 1,262,000 416,000 384,000 217,000 117,000 128,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 09:06 AM
• Comments (64)

The Who We Are update: Week 18

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to The Tribal Mind.

To learn the awful truth about MasterChef, go to The Tribal Mind.

To learn how readers voted on the worst of Australian television, click on The Bogies 2010.

The ratings race, updated 10am Sunday
Channel Nine is winning the year, largely because of Underbelly 3. If this column's theory of a political link is correct, Tony Abbott will enjoy a parallel rise in the opinion polls. Channel Seven needs to pull a rabbit out of its hat, just like Kevin Rudd.

The prime time audience shares for the week ended up like this: ABC3 0.3%; SBSTWO 0.4%; ONE 0.9; ABC2 1.4; 7TWO 2.6; GO 2.7; SBS1 3.8; ABC1 11.3; All Pay Stations 15.1; Ten 17.4; Seven 20.2; Nine 21.5.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "Subscription TV celebrated another successful week of sport and entertainment: Live: NRL Sea Eagles v Dragons topped the week with 205,000 viewers; AFL Live: AFL Brisbane Lions v Fremantle scored 204,000 viewers; Live: Football: EPL Liverpool v Chelsea was watched by 98,000 and Live: Rugby Union: S14 Hurr v Reds had 93,000 viewers (all on FOX Sports).

"Selling Houses Australia on Lifestyle Channel was the highest rated entertainment program with 145,000 viewers, Hannah Montana on Disney Channel was seen by 116,000 viewers and The Simpsons on FOX8 was seen by 110,000 people. NCIS on TV1 was watched by 91,000 people, Eastenders on UKTV was seen by 79,000 people, Project Runway on Arena had 70,000 viewers and the premiere of Iceland Volcano Disaster on National Geographic was seen by 57,000 people.

"In week 19, subscription TV channels had 21.8% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 19.6% of all regional viewing and 54.9% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending May 8
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Network 7 1,816,000 421,000 618,000 339,000 156,000 281,000
2 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Network TEN 1,541,000 435,000 491,000 249,000 165,000 201,000
3 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Network TEN 1,532,000 451,000 512,000 199,000 172,000 199,000
4 NCIS Network TEN 1,509,000 412,000 414,000 312,000 170,000 201,000
5 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Network 9 1,476,000 491,000 441,000 224,000 165,000 155,000
6 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Network 7 1,461,000 420,000 451,000 220,000 143,000 226,000
7 SEVEN NEWS Network 7 1,446,000 365,000 418,000 287,000 157,000 220,000
8 52ND ANNUAL TV WEEK LOGIE AWARDS Network 9 1,402,000 438,000 498,000 221,000 129,000 116,000
9 CUSTOMS Network 9 1,396,000 440,000 487,000 186,000 132,000 152,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Network 7 1,369,000 331,000 392,000 277,000 157,000 212,000
11 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Network 7 1,367,000 395,000 385,000 294,000 121,000 172,000
12 SEND IN THE DOGS Network 9 1,357,000 413,000 473,000 182,000 148,000 141,000
13 BONES Network 7 1,351,000 382,000 396,000 228,000 163,000 183,000

• by David Dale at 05:22 PM
• Comments (109)

WHO WE ARE: The party's over for Malcolm

To learn how readers voted on the worst of Australian television, click on The Bogies 2010.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 2/5/2010

MALCOLM TURNBULL has made a mistake in announcing he will stand again as the Liberal candidate in the Sydney seat of Wentworth. He should have stuck with his decision to leave the Liberals, and instead stood in Wentworth as the candidate of the Labor Party. Given the fluidity he has already demonstrated, it's still possible that he will do that.

Turnbull transferring to Labor would be no big deal. It would symbolise a social shift which political scientists have identified for years: the end of ideology, the collapse of the party system, the triumph of personality over platform and of flexibility over dogma.

Three possible scenarios would follow ...

1. Kevin Rudd scrapes in this year with a reduced majority, and after 12 months is replaced by Julia Gillard. Turnbull waits patiently on the back bench. Gillard loses the 2013 election, and Turnbull becomes leader of the Opposition. He defeats Prime Minister Tony Abbott in 2016. Sweet revenge.

2. Rudd is re-elected this year with an increased majority. A struggle starts between Gillard and Turnbull on who should ultimately replace Rudd. This internal dissension is exploited by Liberal leader Joe Hockey, who wins the 2013 election. Turnbull is replaced as Labor Opposition leader in 2015 by Peter Garrett. Turnbull retires, but then is urged to stand as Liberal candidate for Wentworth.

3. Rudd loses this year's election and, as part of the swing, Turnbull fails to win Wentworth for Labor. He goes back to his business interests. In 2013 Julia Gillard trounces Tony Abbott, and uses her popularity to win a refendum on making Australia a republic. In search of a bipartisan appointee as our first president, who does she turn to?

Oh come on, you say, enough with these absurd speculations. Isn't it more likely Turnbull will lose Wentworth and then move to NSW Parliament, bumping out Barry O'Farrell, and dragging the State Liberals from their far-right fundamentalism?

I don't think so, because Turnbull would never swim against the tide of history. State Governments are on the way out. All the polls show Australians will not shed a single tear if the States wither away. Everyone except a few State Premiers agrees we'd be better off with a central government handling the big issues (health, education, defence) and regional governments (created by amalgamating local councils) handling local details.

OK, so Turnbull knows better than to join a disappearing tier of government. But why would he move to Labor? Because he recognized, long before the political scientists, that the parties are going the same way as the states.

I first met Malcolm Turnbull in the mid 1970s, when he was working for The Australia Party (a "middle of the road" predecessor of the Democrats). I asked him then why he bothered with a party that had no chance of winning government, and he said it was simply to get experience. The ideologies of all the parties were converging, he said, so it didn't matter which one you joined, because you could always mould it in your own image.

At the time, I disagreed with him. Now I realize he has always had a clear idea of what's best for him. I think we can look forward to more dramatic transformations. Bob Brown has to retire soon as leader of the Greens.

Go to Comments to recommend Turnbull's future.

• by David Dale at 11:47 AM
• Comments (1)

The Who We Are update: Week 17

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to The Tribal Mind.

To vote on the worst of Australian television, go to The Bogies 2010.
To discuss the ten most iconic Aussie takeaways, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10am Sunday
For most of this week, Channel Ten was ahead of Seven and Nine in audience share, but a Saturday night without MasterChef finally pushed it behind. The prime time audience shares for the week ended up like this: ABC3 0.3%; SBSTWO 0.4%; ABC2 1.1; ONE 1.1; 7TWO 2.4; GO 2.8; SBS1 3.7; ABC1 11.4; All Pay Stations 15.1; Ten 19.3; Seven 20.0; Nine 20.2.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "Fox Sports coverage of Live: NRL Panthers v West Tigers on Saturday night won the week and was seen by 246,000 viewers. The Live: AFL Melbourne v Brisbane on Saturday night was watched by 198,000 viewers. Lifestyle Channel's Relocation: Phil Down Under on Wednesday was seen by 140,000 viewers whilst Selling Houses Australia on the same evening closely followed with 138,000 viewers.

"In week 17, subscription TV channels had more viewers than any other network with 21.6% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 19.8% of all regional viewing and 55.4% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia recorded and watched later, Week ending April 18
RNK Description STN Overnight Consolidated 000's Increase % Increase
1 THE PACIFIC - EP.2 Seven 1,520,000 1,678,000 158,000 10.4%
2 THE PACIFIC Seven 1,653,000 1,791,000 138,000 8.3%
3 THE GOOD WIFE Ten 813,000 933,000 120,000 14.8%
4 NCIS Ten 1,191,000 1,306,000 115,000 9.7%
5 HOUSE Ten 568,000 681,000 113,000 19.9%
6 UNDERBELLY: THE GOLDEN MILE -EP 2 Nine 2,015,000 2,126,000 111,000 5.5%
7 TOP GEAR Nine 1,736,000 1,847,000 111,000 6.4%
8 GREY'S ANATOMY Seven 1,005,000 1,114,000 110,000 10.9%
9 BONES Seven 1,159,000 1,266,000 107,000 9.2%
10 UNDERBELLY: THE GOLDEN MILE -EP 1 Nine 2,252,000 2,358,000 106,000 4.7%

What Australia watched, week ending April 24
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 UNDERBELLY: THE GOLDEN MILE Nine 1,918,000 659,000 566,000 293,000 198,000 202,000
2 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - LAUNCH Ten 1,695,000 490,000 545,000 255,000 191,000 214,000
3 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - TOP 50 WED Ten 1,611,000 499,000 491,000 268,000 165,000 188,000
4 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,591,000 357,000 504,000 369,000 141,000 220,000
5 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - TOP 50 THURS Ten 1,580,000 431,000 520,000 255,000 174,000 200,000
6 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WINNER ANNOUNCED Ten 1,577,000 445,000 507,000 287,000 143,000 195,000
7 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - TOP 50 TUES Ten 1,536,000 436,000 481,000 257,000 177,000 186,000
8 THE PACIFIC Seven 1,476,000 374,000 503,000 258,000 165,000 176,000
9 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,452,000 409,000 400,000 275,000 161,000 207,000
10 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,411,000 350,000 404,000 284,000 163,000 211,000
11 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,383,000 298,000 454,000 286,000 145,000 199,000
12 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 1,382,000 362,000 450,000 308,000 102,000 160,000
13 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - FINALE NIGHT Ten 1,380,000 373,000 445,000 268,000 121,000 173,000
14 NCIS Ten 1,379,000 363,000 398,000 244,000 167,000 208,000
15 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,373,000 458,000 380,000 258,000 137,000 139,000
16 60 MINUTES Nine 1,346,000 444,000 378,000 262,000 118,000 145,000
17 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,341,000 324,000 384,000 281,000 163,000 190,000
18 NINE NEWS Nine 1,278,000 362,000 395,000 265,000 123,000 132,000
19 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE Seven 1,245,000 329,000 378,000 207,000 147,000 184,000
20 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,236,000 334,000 400,000 243,000 130,000 129,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 09:25 AM
• Comments (68)

The Who We Are update: Week 16

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To recommend the best of Australian fast food, go to Who We Are.
To discuss whether Australia's teenage girls are whiny moping wusses, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10am Sunday
Channel Nine won the first week of serious competition for the year, largely because of Underbelly 3. If this column's theory of a political link is correct, Tony Abbbott will rise in the opinion polls.

The prime time audience shares for the week went like this: SBSTWO 0.3%; ABC3 0.3%; ABC2 1.2; ONE 1.1; 7TWO 2.7; GO 3.0; SBS1 4.1; ABC1 11.3; Ten 14.5; All Pay Stations 15.3; Seven 21.3; Nine 22.7.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "Fox Sports coverage of the NRL game Live: NRL Eels v Raiders topped the week in STV with 247,000 people. Lifestyle's Relocation: Phil Down Under (135,000 people) and Selling Houses Australia (124,000 people) on Lifestyle Channel continued their high ratings from last week. Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney on Sunday evening was viewed by 133,000 people and Family Guy on FOX8 was watched by 119,000 people. In week 16, subscription TV channels had 21.9% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.1% of all regional viewing and 56.1%% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia recorded and watched later, week ending April 10
RNK Description STN Overnight Consolidated 000's Increase % Increase
1 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT ABC1 469,000 581,000 112,000 23.9%
2 BLUE MURDER ABC1 658,000 766,000 109,000 16.6%
3 BROTHERS & SISTERS Seven 775,000 853,000 78,000 10.1%
4 WHITECHAPEL ABC1 831,000 907,000 76,000 9.1%
5 NCIS: LOS ANGELES Ten 838,000 910,000 72,000 8.6%
6 BROTHERS & SISTERS - EP.1 Seven 782,000 848,000 67,000 8.6%
7 CRIMINAL MINDS (R) Seven 807,000 872,000 65,000 8.1%
8 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER Seven 776,000 840,000 64,000 8.2%
9 MEDIUM Ten 481,000 545,000 64,000 13.3%
10 THE GRUFFALO-AM ABC1 132,000 195,000 63,000 47.7%
11 V Nine 603,000 666,000 63,000 10.4%
12 CRIMINAL MINDS-EP.1 (R) Seven 847,000 909,000 62,000 7.3%
13 SUPERNATURAL Ten 340,000 402,000 62,000 18.2%
14 COUGAR TOWN Seven 756,000 813,000 56,000 7.4%
15 NCIS RPT Ten 1,265,000 1,321,000 56,000 4.4%
(OzTAM mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, week ending April 17
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 UNDERBELLY: THE GOLDEN MILE -EP 1 Nine 2,252,000 739,000 766,000 318,000 204,000 225,000
2 UNDERBELLY: THE GOLDEN MILE -EP 2 Nine 2,015,000 654,000 671,000 287,000 189,000 215,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,745,000 364,000 576,000 340,000 155,000 310,000
4 TOP GEAR Nine 1,736,000 488,000 557,000 350,000 136,000 204,000
5 THE PACIFIC Seven 1,653,000 445,000 522,000 310,000 168,000 208,000
6 THE PACIFIC - EP.2 Seven 1,520,000 398,000 495,000 260,000 168,000 200,000
7 60 MINUTES Nine 1,509,000 432,000 481,000 310,000 135,000 150,000
8 MIRACLE AT THE ZOO Seven 1,507,000 423,000 489,000 234,000 149,000 212,000
9 HEY HEY IT'S SATURDAY Nine 1,495,000 405,000 591,000 250,000 127,000 123,000
10 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,494,000 415,000 500,000 233,000 179,000 167,000

• by David Dale at 07:07 PM
• Comments (73)

WHO WE ARE: The icons of Aussie eating

To vote on the worst of Australian television, go to The Bogies 2010.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 18/4/2010
Let me apologise in advance for the outrage I am about to commit, and request that your shock does not distract you from the point of this column, which is to seek your help in identifying Australia's most iconic fast food items. I'm going to have to say something nice about McDonalds.

The last time I committed this journalistic sin was in 1999, when McDonalds introduced the McOz. I praised McDonald's Australia for respecting local tradition and resisting the standardisation imposed by head office in Oak Brook, Illinois. To ensure the McOz could be available everywhere, they had to rebuild the Queensland beetroot industry, because their research told them that the quality Australians remembered most in the burger of their childhood was the pink juice that ran down your arm.

I was accused of taking a bribe from an evil multinational to promote a product that would cause instant obesity in every Australian child. I survived, but the McOz with beetroot didn't. Sadly, it has nearly vanished from McDonald's stores across the land.

The problem, apparently, was that children hate vegetables of all colours and have been brainwashed to think the only acceptable adornment of a beef patty is a slice of pickle, which they can peel off and throw away. The earthiness of beetroot is a sophisticated adult taste, and too few adults frequent McDonald's to justify the continuing availability of the McOz.

Anyway, in the course of researching today's column about iconic fingerfoods I went into a McDonald's last week and discovered The McOz has been replaced by The Grand Angus. It contains a superior quality of minced Australian beef on a sourdough roll, and as long as you ask them to leave off the raw onion, it's better than the bland Big Mac. There, I've said it.

I was testing the Angus under adverse conditions. Already that day I had tried a potato scallop with taramasalata dip (the trendy new way to serve this veteran artery-clogger) and a "Lamb 'n' Chip Gyro Kone". The latter treat involved pita bread wrapped around hot chips, pieces of lamb sliced off a rotisserie, chunks of tomato, grilled onion and something described on the sign as "g sauce". I asked the cook what g sauce was, and he said "you know, that pink stuff, cocktail sauce". He did not know what the G stood for.

It was exciting to see that innovation is alive and well in the fast food industry. Three days of conspicuous consumption led me to propose two lists, on which I'd like your opinion ...

Australia's takeaway icons: The roll of honour
1 The hamburger with beetroot
2 The pizza with pineapple
3 The meat pie with tomato sauce
4 The dim sim with soy sauce
5 The Chiko roll with tomato sauce
6 The potato scallop with vinegar
7 The chicken wrap with mayonnaise
8 Sushi with soy and wasabi
9 The Pluto Pup/ Dagwood Dog/ battered sav with tomato sauce
10 The kebab/ gyro/ yeero with yoghurt sauce.

Australia's takeaways: A new generation
1 The gosleme (pancake stuffed with spiced beef and spinach)
2 The somosa (Indian pastry triangles stuffed with spiced potato)
3 The pide (Turkish kind of folded pizza)
4 The arancino (Italian rice ball)
5 The Grand Angus without raw onion (but with beetroot, perhaps?)

Go to Comments to suggest other contributions to our culinary heritage.

• by David Dale at 12:03 PM
• Comments (2)

The Who We Are update: Weeks 14 and 15

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To vote on the worst of Australian television, go to The Bogies 2010.
To recommend the best of Australian fast food, go to Who We Are

The ratings race, updated 10am Monday
This was Pay TV's account of itself for the second week of the so-called Easter non-ratings period: "In the premiere episode of Relocation: Phil Down Under on Lifestyle Channel, host Phil Spencer had 192,000 subscription TV viewers see how the Relocation team is advising the British public about moving to Australia. In the same week, Andrew Winter and the Selling Houses Australia team were watched by 178,000 viewers (also on Lifestyle Channel). America's Next Top Model on FOX8 had its best result of the year with 129,000 viewers, Midsomer Murders on UKTV was seen by 98,000 people and NCIS on TV1 was watched by 95,000 people. The Simpsons on Fox8 drew 134,000.

"The Easter Monday Rugby League game between Souths and Canterbury-Bankstown, Live: NRL Rabbitohs v Bulldogs, on FOX Sports was seen by 264,000 viewers. In Australian Rules football, Live: AFL Port Adelaide v Brisbane Lions was watched by 153,000 viewers and Live: Rugby Union: S14 Crus v W'tahs was seen by 99,000 people. Live: AFL: On the Couch was watched by 138,000 viewers, Live: NRL Monday Pre Game Show had its best result of the year so far with 99,000 people and the premiere of Open Mike was watched by 65,000 people (all on FOX Sports).

"In week 15, subscription TV channels had more viewers than any other network around Australia with 24.6% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 23.4% of all regional viewing and 60.4% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia recorded and watched later, week ending April 3
RNK Description STN Overnight Consolidated 000's Increase % Increase
1 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT ABC1 510,000 614,000 104,000 20.4%
2 THE GOOD WIFE Ten 994,000 1,093,000 99,000 10.0%
3 CRIMINAL MINDS-EP.1 (R) Seven 1,067,000 1,156,000 89,000 8.3%
4 SURVIVOR: HEROES VS VILLAINS Nine 847,000 934,000 87,000 10.3%
5 GREY'S ANATOMY Seven 936,000 1,022,000 87,000 9.3%
6 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 895,000 981,000 86,000 9.6%
7 BROTHERS & SISTERS Seven 843,000 928,000 85,000 10.1%
8 BLUE MURDER ABC1 755,000 836,000 81,000 10.7%
9 PRIVATE PRACTICE Seven 679,000 760,000 81,000 11.9%
10 PLACE OF EXECUTION ABC1 634,000 712,000 78,000 12.3%
(OzTAM mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,194,000 301,000 348,000 231,000 103,000 212,000
2 DOC MARTIN: ON THE EDGE ABC1 915,000 228,000 269,000 182,000 102,000 135,000
3 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 896,000 222,000 286,000 173,000 130,000 85,000
4 ABC NEWS-SA ABC1 824,000 207,000 261,000 146,000 89,000 122,000
5 THE BILL ABC1 811,000 259,000 206,000 126,000 98,000 123,000
6 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS Nine 789,000 217,000 231,000 161,000 82,000 98,000
10 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Ten 586,000 52,000 315,000 46,000 70,000 103,000

• by David Dale at 09:24 AM
• Comments (62)

WHO WE ARE: We've found a way to stretch time

To discuss whether The Hurt Locker deserves its awards, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 4/4/2009
THE AVERAGE AUSTRALIAN adult spends 1 minute of every day "teaching, helping and reprimanding" children, according to a Time Use survey of 3,900 households conducted by the Bureau of Statistics. Have you done your reprimanding yet today? If there's no child in your household, you'd better get out and find one, or risk being considered unAustralian. Don't forget to take your stopwatch.

It's an odd statistic, isn't it? It looks like a classic case of the too literal application of the concept of averaging. As this column has pointed out before, "the average Australian" has one breast and one testicle and smokes four cigarettes a day. You get that useful image by totalling the number of breasts, the number of testicles and the daily consumption of tobacco, then dividing by the population.

In the same way, if you ask people in a representative sample of households how many minutes they spend teaching, helping and reprimanding kids, most of them will answer zero, since there'll be no young children in the house. Total the answers and divide by the sample size, and you're bound to get a silly figure like 1 minute.

The Time Use study is on safer ground when it deals with activities all or most of us do every day - sleeping for example. The average Australian spends 8 hrs and 31 minutes a day asleep, while people aged 15 to 24 average 9 hours and 2 minutes.

Then there's eating and drinking - 1 hour and 29 minutes a day (but when it comes to preparing meals and cleaning up afterwards, men average 29 minutes, women average 1 hour and 9 minutes). And on "personal hygeine", the average man spends 43 minutes a day, while the average woman spends 54 minutes.

My curiosity about how Australians pass their spare time was provoked by some data I received last week from Roy Morgan Research. The Morgan people interviewed 51,800 Australians over the age of 14 last year about their use of media, and compared those findings with a similar survey done in 2004. Here's how we've changed:

We watch less TV: Regular viewing is done by 93 per cent of Australians, who average 21 hours and 9 minutes a week in front of the box (down from 22 hours and 12 minutes in 2004). To learn exactly what Australia is watching, go to this column's daily ratings update, at blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

We listen to the radio a lot less: Some 62 per cent of Australians listen at least once a week (down from 68 per cent in 2004), and they average 13 hours 19 minutes a week (3 hours less than in 2004). The most listened to stations are, in Sydney, 2GB (Alan Jones), 2Day FM (Hamish Blake and Andy Lee) and ABC 702; in Melbourne, 3AW (Ross Stevenson and John Burns), Fox FM (Hamish and Andy), and ABC 774.

We read newspapers less: Inky fingers are the fate of 74 per cent of Australians (down from 83 per cent in 2004) who average 3 hours 6 mins a week (down 11 minutes). The top selling newspapers are The Sunday Telegraph, The Herald-Sun (Melbourne) and The Sun-Herald.

We use the internet much more: Surfing is done by 76 per cent of us (up from 66 per cent), for 11 hours 15 minutes a week, which is 4 hours 53 minutes more than in 2004. The sites most visited by Australians are: 1. Google; 2 Facebook; 3 Windows Live; 4 Yahoo!; 5 YouTube; 6 EBay; 7 Ninemsn; 8 Wikipedia; 9 Myspace; 10 news.com.au; 11 Blogger.com; 12 Microsoft Network (MSN); 13 Real Estate Australia; 14 smh.com.au.

With all that frantic activity, it's amazing that the average Australian can find even one minute a day for "teaching, helping and reprimanding". Never mind the lucky country -- better call us the multitasking country.

Go to Comments to discuss how your leisure time has changed. Are you listening to less radio.

• by David Dale at 03:11 PM
• Comments (1)

The Who We Are update: Week 13

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn whether Australians are politically engaged or back in a Dreamy Period, go to The Tribal Mind.
To suggest Great Lost Aussie Inventions, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10am Sunday
Channel Seven won the week, largely because of the final of My Kitchen Rules. If this column's theory of a political link is correct, Kevin Rudd will rise in the opinion polls.

The prime time audience shares for the week went like this: SBSTWO 0.3%; ABC3 0.4%; ABC2 1.1; ONE 1.4; 7TWO 2.6; GO 3.0; SBS1 4.1; ABC1 11.4; Ten 15.5; All Pay Stations 16.1; Nine 19.9; Seven 22.0.

This was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "The Melbourne Storm held off a resurgent Penrith Panthers in FOX Sports' coverage of their Rugby League match, Live: NRL Panthers v Storm, watched by 220,000 people on Saturday evening. In Australian Rules, 183,000 watched Live: AFL Brisbane Lions v West Coast, 172,000 watched Live: Cricket: Test NZ v Aus 2nd Test and Live: Rugby Union: S14 Waratahs v Blues was seen by 96,000 viewers (all on FOX Sports).

"American Idol Performance Show on FOX8 was watched by 105,000 people, Hannah Montana on Disney Channel was seen by 88,000 and Legend of the Seeker on FOX8 had its best result of the year with 83,000 viewers. NCIS on TV1 was seen by 83,000 people, Location, Location, Location on Lifestyle Channel was viewed by 67,000 people and Keeping Up With The Kardashians on E! had its best result of the year with 62,000 viewers. Most watched non-sporting shows were The Simpsons, with 112,000, and Family Guy with 107,000, both on Fox8.

"In week 13, subscription TV channels had more viewers than any other network around Australia with 22.5% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 22.4% of all regional viewing and 57.0% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia recorded and watched later, week ending March 20
Description STN Overnight With timeshifted 000's Increase % Increase
1 HOUSE Network TEN 872,000 1,002,000 130,000 14.90%
2 BROTHERS & SISTERS-TUE Network 7 899,000 1,019,000 120,000 13.30%
3 GREY'S ANATOMY Network 7 1,089,000 1,204,000 115,000 10.60%
4 BROTHERS & SISTERS Network 7 982,000 1,096,000 114,000 11.60%
5 CRIMINAL MINDS Network 7 1,206,000 1,318,000 112,000 9.30%
6 THE GOOD WIFE Network TEN 1,123,000 1,231,000 109,000 9.70%
7 THE MENTALIST Network 9 1,277,000 1,386,000 109,000 8.50%
8 NCIS Network TEN 1,409,000 1,515,000 106,000 7.50%
9 BONES Network 7 1,381,000 1,485,000 104,000 7.50%
10 SURVIVOR: HEROES VS VILLAINS -EP2 Network 9 708,000 808,000 100,000 14.10%

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,223,000 278,000 419,000 252,000 117,000 157,000
2 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC1 914,000 263,000 310,000 162,000 93,000 86,000
3 NINE NEWS SAT Nine 892,000 259,000 302,000 165,000 84,000 81,000
4 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS Nine 745,000 217,000 223,000 152,000 77,000 77,000
5 The BILL ABC1 718,000 213,000 204,000 120,000 87,000 94,000
6 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Ten 693,000 82,000 295,000 85,000 74,000 156,000
7 M-ALICE IN WONDERLAND Seven 686,000 225,000 218,000 81,000 74,000 88,000
8 CROCODILE DUNDEE -RPT Nine 639,000 203,000 198,000 119,000 53,000 66,000
9 BED OF ROSES ABC1 617,000 187,000 190,000 114,000 67,000 59,000
10 BLUE MURDER ABC1 615,000 188,000 153,000 95,000 91,000 88,000
29 NOT QUITE HOLLYWOOD SBS ONE 258,000 64,000 82,000 55,000 26,000 31,000
56 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL ONE 137,000 16,000 36,000 32,000 14,000 39,000
228 WAFL LIVE LEAGUE FOOTBALL 2010-PM ABC1 20,000 20,000
237 THE SANFL-PM ABC1 18,000 18,000
238 RUGBY LEAGUE: (QLD) 2010-PM ABC1 17,000 17,000
272 AFL CLASSICS 7TWO 10,000 1,000 9,000 0 0 0
275 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 1: GEELONG VS ESSENDON Seven 9,000 4,000 6,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

• by David Dale at 05:44 PM
• Comments (48)

WHO WE ARE: Great Lost Aussie Inventions, part one

To learn how women are different from men, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 21/3/2010
FUNNY how a smell can be a stronger sense memory than a sight or a sound. In this case, the smell was a mixture of salt and rubber, the sight was light green, and the sound was slurpy whooshing. I'm remembering the Surfo-Plane I used to ride at the beach in the 1960s. The other day I realised that it's a Great Lost Aussie Invention, and its creator is one of this nation's undersung heroes.

The undersung have been on my mind because the status of two or Australia's fully-sung heroes has been challenged in recent weeks - Harry "Breaker" Morant and Germaine Greer. Breaker Morant was a bush poet who, we thought, was a victim of British injustice when he was executed during the Boer War in 1902. The story until now was that he'd only been following British orders, but a War Memorial historian told an inquiry last week that Morant and his colleagues "were all guilty of cold-blooded murder of prisoners of war."

And we'd always thought of Germaine Greer as a visionary refresher of outmoded attitudes. But on the 40th anniversary of the appearance of her book The Female Eunuch, Greer is being described as "grotesque", "demented" and "a befuddled and exhausted old woman".

Many others will rush to defend Morant and Greer, ensuring their status as martyrs and icons, but who will speak up for Dr Ernest Smithers, if I don't?

At Sydney's Bronte Beach, he spent eight years developing the Surfo-Plane, a kind of fat blowup surfboard with handles, and was awarded a trademark by the Patent Office in 1933.

By the 1950s, S-o-Ps ruled Australia's waves, rented by the half hour at every beach and purchased as top Christmas present for every eight-year-old. By the 1970s, they had vanished, replaced by the boogie board.

The problem was that when it was deflated and stored in the cupboard over winter, the rubber interiors of the S-o-P would stick together, so you had to buy a new one next summer.

That perishabilty does not diminish the four-decade contribution of Ernest Smithers to Australian culture. He's an example of the undersung heroes we should start commemorating in the names of streets and suburbs across the nation.

A year ago this column wrote about a pioneer named Giuseppe Zuzza, who was the first person to bring tiramisu to this land. Now we learn that The Glebe Society has placed this plaque upon the wall of his former restaurant:

"The popularity of tiramisu started here at The Mixing Pot, when Giuseppe Zuzza was the proprietor. Giuseppe had been a waiter in Treviso, the town where tiramisu was invented in 1972 as a way of using up leftover coffee. He first served it in a Sydney restaurant, Darcy's, and it became his signature dish when he opened The Mixing Pot. Customers responded instantly to the layers of coffee-soaked sponge covered with mascarpone. Other restaurants copied it and the fad began. This plaque was presented to the Mixing Pot by the Glebe Society, prompted by articles written by David Dale in ... The Sun-Herald on 1 February, 2009."

Surely the inventor of the Surfo-Plane deserves at least a statue at Bronte Beach.

Who else should be honoured in this way? Go to Comments to offer your undersung nominations.

• by David Dale at 06:18 AM
• Comments (3)

The Who We Are update: Week 12

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn how women are different from men, go to The Tribal Mind.
To suggest Great Lost Aussie Inventions, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10am Sunday
Channel Seven won the week, largely because of the semi-finals of My Kitchen Rules. If this column's theory of a political link is correct, Kevin Rudd will rise in the opinion polls.

The prime time audience shares for the week went like this: SBSTWO 0.3%; ABC3 0.4%; ABC2 1.0; ONE 1.6; 7TWO 2.6; GO 2.7; SBS1 3.8; ABC1 11.3; Ten 14.5; All Pay Stations 16.7; Nine 20.2; Seven 22.6.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "The extra time period of the A-League Grand Final, in which Sydney FC beat Melbourne Victory 4-2 in penalty kicks, topped the week for subscription TV with 272,000 viewers (listed as Live: Football: A-League Post Game Show on FOX Sports). Live: NRL Wests Tigers v Sea Eagles was seen by 241,000 people, Live: Cricket: Test NZ v Aus 1st Test was watched by 163,000 people and Live: Rugby Union: S14 Reds v Force was viewed by 88,000 subscribers (all on FOX Sports).

"American Idol Performance Show on FOX8 was watched by 108,000 people, NCIS on TV1 was seen by 88,000 and That '70s Show on 111Hits had its best result of the year with 75,000 viewers. Coronation Street on UKTV was seen by 71,000 people, Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney Channel was viewed by 66,000 people and Megastructures: Icebreaker premiered on National Geographic with 61,000 viewers.

"In week 12, subscription TV channels had more viewers than any other network around Australia with 23.4% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 22.0% of all regional viewing and 58.1% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

Most timeshifted shows, week ending March 13
Description Overnight audience Consolidated audience 000's Increase % Increase
1 HOUSE Network TEN 854,000 978,000 124,000 14.50%
2 CRIMINAL MINDS Network 7 1,295,000 1,399,000 104,000 8.00%
3 GREY'S ANATOMY Network 7 1,050,000 1,150,000 100,000 9.50%
4 SURVIVOR: HEROES VS VILLAINS -EP1 Network 9 774,000 874,000 100,000 12.90%
5 BONES Network 7 1,270,000 1,369,000 99,000 7.80%
6 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT Network ABC1 476,000 574,000 97,000 20.50%
7 BROTHERS & SISTERS Network 7 974,000 1,070,000 96,000 9.90%
8 THE GOOD WIFE Network TEN 1,084,000 1,177,000 94,000 8.60%
9 NCIS Network TEN 1,519,000 1,611,000 92,000 6.00%
10 V Network 9 1,295,000 1,386,000 91,000 7.00%

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,268,000 315,000 380,000 278,000 135,000 159,000
2 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 842,000 198,000 289,000 151,000 102,000 102,000
3 ABC NEWS-SA ABC1 808,000 235,000 259,000 174,000 39,000 102,000
4 M-FINDING NEMO Seven 787,000 215,000 273,000 118,000 87,000 95,000
5 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS Nine 765,000 231,000 205,000 146,000 76,000 108,000
6 BED OF ROSES ABC1 726,000 206,000 190,000 142,000 108,000 80,000
7 THE BILL ABC1 713,000 221,000 219,000 119,000 53,000 100,000
8 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SAT Ten 622,000 150,000 177,000 125,000 67,000 102,000
9 M-BRUCE ALMIGHTY Seven 612,000 170,000 230,000 103,000 45,000 64,000
10 BLUE MURDER ABC1 598,000 172,000 199,000 102,000 26,000 100,000
12 RUNAWAY VACATION -RPT Nine 517,000 145,000 139,000 103,000 58,000 73,000
13 DESTINATION: FIFA WORLD CUP RPT SBS ONE 465,000 124,000 154,000 102,000 33,000 52,000
15 MRS. DOUBTFIRE RPT Ten 433,000 116,000 151,000 78,000 36,000 52,000
27 IRON CHEF SBS ONE 266,000 74,000 100,000 43,000 16,000 33,000
37 SA STATE ELECTION: SA VOTES 2010 ABC1 179,000 179,000
55 M-TO SIR, WITH LOVE ABC2 138,000 24,000 37,000 44,000 11,000 22,000
68 NINE'S HORSE RACING Nine 108,000 30,000 43,000 14,000 10,000 10,000
{OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

• by David Dale at 08:52 AM
• Comments (47)

The Who We Are update: Week 11

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To discuss if Oscars boost Australian audiences, go to The Tribal Mind.
To explain why Australians don't report serious crimes, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10am Monday
Channel Nine won the week, largely because of the NRL in Sydney and Brisbane (Seven was on top until Thursday). If this column's theory of a political link is correct, Tony Abbott will rise in the opinion polls.

The prime time audience shares for the week went like this: SBSTWO 0.3%; ABC3 0.4%; ONE 0.8; ABC2 1.0; 7TWO 2.5; GO 2.7; SBS1 3.9; ABC1 11.8; Ten 15.1; All Pay Stations: 17.2; Seven 20.6; Nine 21.2.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "Some 257,000 viewers watched Live: NRL Sharks v Storm on FOX Sports and saw defending premiers Melbourne Storm beat the Cronulla Sharks in the first round of the 2010 National Rugby League competition. In other sport, 209,000 people watched the Australian and New Zealand cricket teams play each other in Live: Cricket: ODI NZ V Aus 5th ODI S2, 177,000 viewers saw Melbourne Victory earn a home ground grand final by beating Sydney FC during Live: Football: A-League Major SF Syd v Melb and 82,000 watched the ACT Brumbies prevail in Live: Rugby Union: S14 Brumbies v Sharks (all on FOX Sports). [This pic is designed to illustrate the reference to Aus v NZ cricket, and is in no way an attempt to exploit a personal tragedy involving two national icons]

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button premiered on Movie One with 133,000 viewers, NCIS had its best result of the year so far with 99,000 watching the program on TV1, Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney Channel also had a year-to-date largest audience with 99,000 viewers and the American Idol Performance Show on FOX8 was watched by 94,000 viewers. Movie Extra's live coverage of the Oscars, The 82nd Academy Awards Live 2010, was seen by 84,000 people, How I Met Your Mother on Arena was watched by 70,000 people and Property Ladder on Lifestyle Channel was seen by 69,000 people.

"In week 11, subscription TV channels had more viewers than any other network around Australia with 24.0% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 23.1% of all regional viewing and 59.3% of all viewing in subscription TV homes." (These figures seem at odds with OzTAM's earlier summary, which suggests Pay TV had only 17.2 pewr cent of the prime time audience. We are seeking clarification.)

Most timeshifted shows, week ending March 6
Description STN Overnight Consolidated 000's Increase % Increase
1 HOUSE TEN 772,000 901,000 129,000 16.70%
2 THE GOOD WIFE TEN 912,000 1,017,000 105,000 11.50%
3 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT ABC1 460,000 560,000 100,000 21.80%
4 BROTHERS & SISTERS-TUE 7 887,000 980,000 93,000 10.50%
5 BONES 7 1,231,000 1,321,000 91,000 7.40%
6 NCIS TEN 1,365,000 1,454,000 89,000 6.50%
7 GREY'S ANATOMY 7 1,048,000 1,136,000 88,000 8.40%
8 CASTLE 7 907,000 994,000 87,000 9.60%
9 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 7 1,027,000 1,112,000 86,000 8.30%
10 BROTHERS & SISTERS 7 895,000 979,000 84,000 9.40%
11 CRIMINAL MINDS 7 1,264,000 1,348,000 84,000 6.60%
12 LOST 7TWO 186,000 262,000 76,000 41.20%
(OzTAM)

What Australia watched, week ending March 13
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TWO AND A HALF MEN 9 1,588,000 340,000 636,000 310,000 126,000 177,000
2 NCIS TEN 1,519,000 423,000 416,000 296,000 168,000 217,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Network 7 1,471,000 336,000 503,000 326,000 123,000 183,000
4 MY KITCHEN RULES-TUE Network 7 1,462,000 361,000 522,000 271,000 154,000 154,000
5 BORDER SECURITY 7 1,444,000 389,000 413,000 286,000 156,000 200,000
6 AIR WAYS Network 7 1,434,000 413,000 403,000 271,000 141,000 205,000
7 MY KITCHEN RULES-MON Network 7 1,396,000 361,000 452,000 245,000 171,000 167,000
8 CUSTOMS Network 9 1,349,000 342,000 475,000 238,000 136,000 158,000
9 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Network 9 1,311,000 382,000 454,000 209,000 147,000 118,000
10 THE MENTALIST Network 9 1,310,000 369,000 457,000 230,000 99,000 155,000
11 V Network 9 1,295,000 401,000 382,000 240,000 100,000 172,000
12 CRIMINAL MINDS Network 7 1,295,000 314,000 364,000 272,000 140,000 205,000
13 THE BIG BANG THEORY Network 9 1,270,000 294,000 461,000 267,000 98,000 149,000
14 BONES Network 7 1,270,000 354,000 352,000 254,000 135,000 174,000
Continuedhere

• by David Dale at 06:06 AM
• Comments (55)

WHO WE ARE: Crime doesn't say

To learn how television tastes predict how you'll vote, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 7/3/2010
DON'T be a dobber. That's been a fundamental of Aussie etiquette for 220 years. It goes back to our convict founders, who knew the world was divided between Us and Them, and you never volunteered to one of Them what one of Us was doing, even if it was mass murder, because mate, whose side are you on? Since then, we've applied the principle in the playground, in the office, in the home and in politics.

This historical aversion to dobbing may explain the mystery contained in the report scarily titled Crime Victimisation Australia, just released by the Bureau of Statistics.

Between June 2008 and June 2009, The Bureau interviewed 25,600 people aged over 15 about whether they'd been robbed, bashed, raped or threatened. That's a massive sample from which to draw conclusions about the nation -- in television ratings, a sample of 3,000 households is used as the basis for billion dollar programming decisions.

As the statisticians would say, the data is reliable - and, at first sight, pretty reassuring. The nation of convicts is not in the grip of a crime wave. Only 3.1 per cent of people aged over 15 (527,400) said they had suffered a physical assault; only 0.6 per cent (96,700) had experienced a personal robbery; only 3.3 per cent of households (267,800) were victims of a break-in and only 1.1 per cent (91,000) had a car stolen. The crime that affected the greatest number of people was "malicious property damage", which happened to 11 per cent of households (912,500).

The bureau reports: "Types of property commonly damaged, defaced or destroyed in the most recent incident were exterior items - including walls, windows, doors and fences - (66%) and cars or other motor vehicles (29%)." Graffiti are a nuisance, but they hardly represent the decline and fall of the Roman Empire.

From that section of the report, I have derived this useful advice ...

How to minimise your chances of being a victim of crime:
1. Live in South Australia (low in all types of crime); 2 Be female; 3 Be over 65; 4 Live alone (The bureau reports: "62 per cent of people who experienced a physical assault knew the offender ... with 14% indicating that the offender was a member of their family" and "29% of the most recent physical assaults occurred at the victim's home"); 5 Be married (but presumably you'd have to live separately from your partner); 6 Don't own electronic or gardening equipment (the most commonly stolen items after money); 7 Get a job.

How to maximise your chances of being a victim of crime: 1 Live in the Northern Territory (highest rate of all crimes); 2 Be single; 3 Be male; 4 Be aged between 15 and 19; 5 Be unemployed.

The bureau reported: "The victimisation rates for physical assault were 8.7% for people aged 15-19 years ... compared with 0.4% for people aged 65 years and over. The victimisation rate was higher for people who were not married (5.3%) than for people who were married (1.7%). The victimisation rate was higher for people who were unemployed (7.1%) ... than for people employed full-time (3.3%) and people employed part-time (3.7%)."

But now we come to the mystery. While Australians are happy to regale researchers from the Bureau of Statistics with their experience of theft and violence, they show a marked reluctance to talk to those who might do something about it. Around one third of the horrors discussed were never reported.

As the bureau puts it: "The proportion of crime incidents people reported to police varied depending on the type of crime: 86 per cent for motor vehicle theft; 70 per cent for break-in; 39 per cent for physical assault; 36 per cent for malicious property damage; 23 per cent for robbery; 23 per cent for threatened assault."

So 61 per cent of people who are bashed and 77 per cent of people who are robbed don't tell the cops. Why not? I can imagine three possible explanations: 1 They've got something to hide; 2 They think it would be pointless, because Underbelly has led them to believe criminals are clever and cops are dumb or corrupt; 3 The anti-dobbing philosophy is so deeply ingrained in our culture that we're prepared to expose our fellow citizens to thugs and thieves rather than give evidence against them.

Go to Comments to offer your theory.

• by David Dale at 08:47 AM
• Comments (3)

The Who We Are update: Courtney goes down

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn how television tastes predict voting intention, go to The Tribal Mind.

To learn how Australia became the land of the short attention span, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
The decline of Cougar Town is more apparent than real. Despite being described as "a shit show" by David Leckie, the boss of Channel Seven, and dropping to No 43 in the weekly chart, Courtney Cox's sitcom is the most watched program of Thursday night with these demographics: women 16-39, men 25-54, and women 25-54. That's a strong incentive for advertisers, and a good reason for Seven to keep showing it in prime time. And as you'll see from the chart below, it's one of the most recorded prgrams each week. Go to Comments to tell us if it has got better or worse, now that it has settled in.

The prime time audience shares for the week went like this: SBSTWO 0.5%; ABC3 0.5%; ONE 0.8; ABC2 1.5; 7TWO 3.4; GO 3.4; SBS1 5.0; ABC1 14.7; Ten 19.0; Nine 25.5; Seven 26.6.

And thiw waw Pay TV's account of itself: "Live: Cricket: Twenty20: NZ v Aus Game 2 on FOX Sports topped the week for subscription TV, when 314,000 viewers watched New Zealand narrowly beat Australia in an "extra time" over. In other cricket, 244,000 people watched Australia beat NZ in the second one day international, Live: Cricket: ODI NZ v Aus 2nd ODI, 183,000 watched Football: Premier League World, 151,000 watched Live: Football: AFC Asian Cup Qualifier Aus v Ind and 123,000 watched Live: Rugby Union: S14 Waratahs v Sharks (all on FOX Sports).

"America's Next Top Model on FOX8 was viewed by 104,000 people, NCIS on TV1 was seen by 81,000 people and Two And A Half Men on Arena was watched by 76,000 viewers. Jesse Stone: Death in Paradise premiered on 13th Street with 76,000 viewers, SpongeBob SquarePants had 72,000 viewers on Nickelodeon and Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney Channel was watched by 69,000 people.

"In week 10, subscription TV channels won the week with 24.3% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 22.9% of all regional viewing and 60.4% of all viewing in subscription TV homes. "

What Australia timeshifted, week ending February 27
Description STN Overnight Consolidated 000's Increase % Increase
1 NCIS Network TEN 1,386,000 1,508,000 122,000 8.80%
2 BROTHERS & SISTERS 7 849,000 970,000 121,000 14.30%
3 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES 7 937,000 1,043,000 106,000 11.30%
4 DOCTOR WHO: THE END OF TIME Part 2 ABC1 842,000 944,000 102,000 12.10%
5 HOUSE TEN 969,000 1,070,000 101,000 10.50%
6 BROTHERS & SISTERS-TUE 7 852,000 952,000 100,000 11.70%
7 CRIMINAL MINDS 7 1,201,000 1,298,000 97,000 8.10%
8 COUGAR TOWN 7 1,017,000 1,113,000 96,000 9.40%
9 THE GOOD WIFE TEN 1,260,000 1,353,000 92,000 7.30%
10 BONES 7 1,156,000 1,236,000 80,000 6.90%
11 GREY'S ANATOMY 7 1,019,000 1,099,000 80,000 7.90%
12 BLUE MURDER ABC1 550,000 630,000 80,000 14.50%
(OzTAM mainland capitals

What Australia watched, week ending March 6
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 1,436,000 392,000 500,000 273,000 105,000 165,000
2 MY KITCHEN RULES-MON Seven 1,410,000 383,000 443,000 277,000 160,000 147,000
3 MY KITCHEN RULES-TUE Seven 1,406,000 352,000 462,000 274,000 158,000 159,000
4 TOP GEAR -EP1 Nine 1,385,000 385,000 402,000 281,000 144,000 174,000
5 NCIS Ten 1,365,000 402,000 341,000 265,000 157,000 201,000
6 AIR WAYS Seven 1,354,000 391,000 433,000 238,000 145,000 146,000
7 THE MENTALIST Nine 1,351,000 430,000 428,000 237,000 118,000 138,000
8 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,345,000 324,000 385,000 293,000 165,000 178,000
9 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,344,000 339,000 387,000 326,000 125,000 168,000
10 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,299,000 266,000 459,000 302,000 112,000 161,000
11 WICKED LOVE: THE MARIA KORP STORY Nine 1,299,000 360,000 527,000 203,000 111,000 97,000

• by David Dale at 09:34 AM
• Comments (60)

The Who We Are update: Week 9

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
House and Despos are hits with the timeshifters, but if the timeshifters fast-forward through the ads, why should the networks care about the extra audience? Which leads to a fundamental issue: how do the makers of TV commercials stop people from fast-forwarding? For the background on all this, and to discuss your playback habits, go to Lets do the timeshift.

To nominate television's most annoying, overhyped and underrated people and programs, go to The Bogies 2010.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
The week doesn't really count towards the year's official ratings, because the winter Olympics are a special event, but for what it's worth, the prime time audience shares went like this: SBSTWO 0.4%; ABC3 0.5%; ONE 0.9; ABC2 1.3; 7TWO 3.3; GO 3.4; SBS1 4.8; ABC1 14.6; Ten 19.7; Seven 25.2; Nine 26.8.

This was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "On Saturday night, the Mardi Gras Special on Arena brought the colour and spectacle of the 2010 Sydney Mardi Gras parade to 133,000 viewers around Australia. Family Guy on Fox8 was watched by 109,000 people, The American Idol Performance Show on FOX8 was watched by 103,000, Zack And Miri Make A Porno premiered on Movie One with 77,000 and How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? was watched by 72,000 on UKTV. NCIS on TV1 was watched by 72,000, Property Ladder on LifeStyle Channel was seen by 65,000 and Helen West on 13th Street was watched by 64,000 viewers.

"In sport, Live: Cricket: Twenty20: NZ v Aus Game 1 on FOX Sports was watched by 189,000 people and 180,000 watched the Dragons and Rabbitohs play the traditional Rugby League season opener in Live: Rugby League: Charity Shield. Live: AFL: NAB Cup Geelong v North Melb was seen by 157,000 people, Live: Rugby Union: S14 Reds v Blues was watched by 106,000 people, Live: Football: EPL Chelsea v Man City was viewed by 68,000 and Live: Football: A-League Semi Final by 65,000 people (all on FOX Sports).

"In week 9, subscription TV channels accounted for 22.9% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.7% of all regional viewing and 57.0% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia recorded in the week ending February 20 and watched within seven days
Description Overnight audience Consolidated audience 000's Increase % Increase
1 HOUSE Network TEN 946,000 1,081,000 135,000 14.20%
2 THE GOOD WIFE Network TEN 1,208,000 1,308,000 100,000 8.30%
3 GREY'S ANATOMY Network 7 866,000 963,000 97,000 11.20%
4 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Network 7 1,087,000 1,183,000 96,000 8.80%
5 CASTLE Network 7 963,000 1,059,000 96,000 10.00%
6 CRIMINAL MINDS Network 7 1,095,000 1,186,000 91,000 8.30%
7 BROTHERS & SISTERS Network 7 903,000 993,000 89,000 9.90%
8 BONES Network 7 1,251,000 1,339,000 88,000 7.10%
9 NCIS Network TEN 1,369,000 1,457,000 88,000 6.40%
10 TOP GEAR -EP1 Network 9 1,685,000 1,772,000 86,000 5.10%
11 GREY'S ANATOMY-EP.2 Network 7 911,000 995,000 84,000 9.20%
12 DOCTOR WHO: THE END OF TIME Network ABC1 803,000 885,000 82,000 10.20%
13 COUGAR TOWN Network 7 1,093,000 1,168,000 75,000 6.90%
14 THE MENTALIST Network 9 1,231,000 1,306,000 74,000 6.00%
15 BURN NOTICE Network TEN 423,000 495,000 72,000 16.90%
16 LOST Network 7TWO 180,000 247,000 67,000 37.20%
17 MONTY PYTHON: ALMOST THE TRUTH THE LAWYER'S CUT-EV Network ABC1 806,000 867,000 61,000 7.50%
18 SILENT WITNESS Network ABC1 933,000 993,000 60,000 6.40%
19 LAW AND ORDER: SVU Network TEN 904,000 961,000 57,000 6.30%
20 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER Network 7 897,000 952,000 55,000 6.10%
(OzTAM mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, week ending February 27
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 1,397,000 374,000 481,000 259,000 110,000 173,000
2 NCIS Ten 1,384,000 399,000 374,000 264,000 154,000 193,000
3 MY KITCHEN RULES-TUE Seven 1,355,000 330,000 422,000 252,000 179,000 172,000
4 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,292,000 364,000 351,000 274,000 129,000 173,000
5 THE MENTALIST Nine 1,279,000 393,000 421,000 202,000 110,000 153,000
6 CUSTOMS Nine 1,276,000 374,000 380,000 241,000 114,000 166,000
7 BORDER SECURITY Seven 1,274,000 308,000 385,000 249,000 156,000 176,000
8 AIR WAYS Seven 1,267,000 311,000 399,000 248,000 149,000 161,000
9 THE GOOD WIFE Ten 1,260,000 347,000 355,000 260,000 117,000 180,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,247,000 311,000 368,000 241,000 154,000 174,000

• by David Dale at 11:27 PM
• Comments (45)

WHO WE ARE: Addicted to surprise

To find out what Australians are reading -- and what they're no longer reading -- go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 21/2/2010
What you're about to read is just between us, OK? I want your feedback on an idea for a best-selling book, but if it gets around, somebody will steal it. So mum's the word.

The book would be called A.D.D. Nation - How neophilia consumed Australia. The ADD in the title refers not only to Attention Deficit Disorder but also our compulsion to add new experiences to our lives at an ever-increasing rate. Ten years ago most homes had a radio, a telly, a VCR and a landline. Now we've got three plasma screens, two DVD players, a games box, iPods, iPhones, and a high speed internet connection. Ten years ago most of us knew the food of Italy, France, and China. Now we chase a new culinary culture every week - Moroccan, Thai, Brazilian, Bengali, north Indian, south Japanese, Greek island, Burmese, Szechuan, and Hunan.

It's wonderfully open-minded of us, but is the search for The Next Big Thing happening too fast? The book would suggest Australians are so ADDicted to constant change we're about to rush over a cliff. Come to think of it, the title could be Land of Lemmingtons. What do you reckon?

I would raise this scenario: Because we have become Early Discarders as well as Early Adopters, we are at risk of burning through our stock of competent politicians before they've had a chance to be useful. It took us 10 years to get bored with John Howard, but only two years to get bored with Kevin Rudd (if current opinion polls are to be believed). He doesn't surprise us any more.

That means we'll discard him simply because he is less new than Tony Abbott. The only way Labor could prevent defeat would be to replace Rudd with Julia Gillard three months before the election. Labor won't do that, so Abbott will become the new prime minister.

But next year the Liberals will need to feed our appetite for novelty by replacing him with Joe Hockey. Labor will discard Julia Gillard as Opposition leader because she'll be old news by the 2013 election.

My reflections on whether it's all happening too fast were prompted by reader reaction to what this column said last month. I published a list of comparisons between the old Australia and the new Australia, suggesting this is a different country from 20 years ago. The contrasts included Chiko roll/ chicken wrap; lamington/ tiramisu; Eddie McGuire/ Shaun Micallef; tea with milk and sugar/ skim latte; dripping/ olive oil; Hey Dad/ Packed to the Rafters.

Nola wrote: "I agree Australia is a more interesting country now than in 1960. However, speed, convenience, and instant everything -- including gratification -- seem to rule supreme."

Graeme Tutt wrote: "We've become more open, sophisticated and multicultural, which makes Oz more vibrant, interesting & deep. Yet we have incredibly high expectations of life and a high standard of living that can't be sustained."

Mike Williams wrote: "As a baby boomer I have embraced the wave of change known as the sixties and beyond, but I can't help feeling a little anxious when ... Yo-Yos became a Nintendo DS; Mental Arithmetic became the calculator; Anonymity became celebrity obsession; School spirit became what's in it for me?; Self-discipline became legislation, by-laws and ordinances; The six oclock swill became teenage binge drinking; Shopping became a national pastime; A lottery ticket became a scratchie, Lotto, Oz Lotto and Powerball; The backyard became a courtyard; Parents became child micro-managers."

Many readers lamented the constant craving for new stimulation, and wondered if it might be time to just slow down. Hence the book idea -- except of course, if our national attention span really has become as short as I suspect, nobody will have the patience to read a book anyway. I'm lucky you got this far in the column. Tell us what you think at Comments.

• by David Dale at 04:26 PM
• Comments (4)

The Who We Are update: Week 8

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn why Labor needs to replace Kevin Rudd with Julia Gillard, go to Who We Are.

To find out what Australians are reading -- and what they're no longer reading -- go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
Top Gear rather than the Olympics caused Channel Nine to win the week, and even then it was close. These were the prime time audience shares: SBSTWO 0.4%; ABC3 0.5%; ONE 0.9; ABC2 1.5; 7TWO 3.2; GO 3.3; SBS1 4.7; ABC1 14.4; Ten 18.5; Seven 26.0; Nine 26.6.

Not everybody loved Top Gear. With women 25-54, the week's top shows were My Kitchen Rules, Grey's Anatomy and The Good Wife. With people over 55, the top shows were Seven news, Border Security and ABC News. Funny how the viewers with the shortest future are the ones most interested in the state of the world.

This was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "On Monday night, 149,000 viewers watched FOX Sports' live coverage of Live: Cricket: The Allan Border Medal. At the event, all-rounder Shane Watson was recognised as the best cricketer in Australia for the year, just beating Michael Clarke and Mitchell Johnson for the honour. In other sport, Live: AFL: NAB Cup Bulldogs v Lions was seen 111,000 people, Live: Cricket: Ford Ranger Cup was viewed by 108,000 people, Live: Rugby Union: S14 Reds v Crusaders by 107,000 and Live: Football: A-League Sydney v Melb by 92,000 (all on FOX Sports).

"In entertainment programming, 115,000 watched The Simpsons on Fox8, 108,000 saw American Idol Hollywood Show on FOX8, 93,000 watched America's Next Top Model (also on FOX8) and Gran Torino premiered on Movie One with 96,000 viewers. How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? picked up its biggest ever audience on UKTV with 82,000 viewers, Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney Channel was viewed by 79,000 people, SpongeBob SquarePants on Nickelodeon had its best result of the year with 74,000 people and NCIS on TV1 was seen by 69,000 viewers.

"In week 8, subscription TV channels accounted for 22.6% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 20.6% of all regional viewing and 55.5% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending February 20
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TOP GEAR -EP1 Nine 1,681,000 436,000 522,000 330,000 180,000 213,000
2 MY KITCHEN RULES-MON Seven 1,471,000 353,000 463,000 292,000 201,000 162,000
3 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,412,000 429,000 489,000 220,000 147,000 128,000
4 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,392,000 346,000 368,000 302,000 167,000 209,000
5 NCIS Ten 1,366,000 423,000 371,000 287,000 130,000 155,000
6 AIR WAYS Seven 1,365,000 364,000 407,000 260,000 160,000 174,000
7 BORDER SECURITY Seven 1,365,000 373,000 430,000 244,000 141,000 177,000
8 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 1,330,000 339,000 399,000 305,000 110,000 177,000
9 CUSTOMS Nine 1,277,000 342,000 397,000 262,000 109,000 168,000
10 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,263,000 295,000 360,000 264,000 155,000 190,000
11 BONES Seven 1,250,000 353,000 359,000 219,000 158,000 161,000
12 TOP GEAR -SPECIAL Nine 1,241,000 330,000 353,000 209,000 151,000 199,000
13 THE MENTALIST Nine 1,230,000 354,000 363,000 240,000 116,000 156,000
14 MY KITCHEN RULES-TUE Seven 1,214,000 336,000 373,000 239,000 121,000 144,000
15 THE GOOD WIFE Ten 1,207,000 355,000 346,000 216,000 113,000 177,000

• by David Dale at 07:31 PM
• Comments (63)

The Who We Are update: Week 7

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To learn how Australians are recording to view later, go to Lets do the timeshift.

The ratings race, updated 10am Monday
This was Pay TV's Mills-and-Boon-influenced account of itself for the week: "On the most romantic day of the year, subscription TV celebrated the devotion shown by subscribers when STV channels accounted for 23.2% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.0% of all regional viewing and 56.6% of all viewing in subscription TV homes during week 7, 2010.

"Viewers showed their affection for STV sport when 109,000 people watched Port Power thrash the Adelaide Crows in the opening round of the NAB Cup on Live: AFL: NAB Cup Adelaide v Port Adel and 109,000 people watched the NSW Waratahs come from behind to defeat the Queensland Reds in the final play of the game in Live: Rugby Union: S14 Reds v Waratahs (both on FOX Sports). Live: Cricket: Ford Ranger Cup on FOX Sports was watched by 69,000 people, Sky Raceday on Sky Racing by 56,000 people and Live: Football: A-League Perth v Bris on FOX Sports was seen by 51,000.

"Viewers also showed their fondness for STV's entertainment programs when 126,000 people watched American Idol Hollywood Show on FOX8. In addition, 126,000 people saw Midsomer Murders on UKTV and 112,000 subscribers viewed America's Next Top Model on FOX8. Come Dine With Me Australia on Lifestyle Channel was watched this week by 85,000, Taggart on 13th Street by 71,000 and How I Met Your Mother on Arena by 67,000 people.

What people aged 18 to 49 watched, week ending 13/2/2010
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 COUGAR TOWN Seven 817,000 260,000 221,000 168,000 83,000 85,000
2 THE GOOD WIFE Ten 757,000 222,000 201,000 177,000 59,000 98,000
3 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 742,000 213,000 217,000 183,000 49,000 80,000
4 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER Seven 707,000 217,000 192,000 154,000 69,000 75,000
5 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 685,000 188,000 226,000 143,000 44,000 84,000
6 NCIS Ten 643,000 188,000 167,000 133,000 58,000 97,000
7 THE BIG BANG THEORY Nine 627,000 168,000 209,000 137,000 31,000 82,000
8 HOUSE Ten 609,000 206,000 154,000 141,000 60,000 49,000
9 MY KITCHEN RULES-TUE Seven 604,000 178,000 145,000 134,000 64,000 84,000
10 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 590,000 160,000 180,000 115,000 52,000 83,000
11 GREY'S ANATOMY Seven 580,000 167,000 136,000 144,000 64,000 68,000
12 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - SHOWCASE Ten 576,000 175,000 161,000 133,000 47,000 61,000

• by David Dale at 10:46 AM
• Comments (70)

WHO WE ARE: There once was a limerick contest/ From which we have chosen the ten best ...

... We hope ute and chilli,
Weren't requirements too silly.
And thank you for joining the love fest.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 7/2/2010
The task was to compose a limerick that included the words chilli and ute. The prize for the ten wittiest was a copy of The Little Book of Australia. The total number of entries was 206.

Some readers transcended the temptation to rhyme the key words with willy and root; many found ways to make political statements; and several took the opportunity to dispute answers in the patriotic quiz this column constructed two weeks ago. For example, a question on who invented the Paddle Pop provoked this response:

"Dear David, As the great nieces of Edwin Street we definitely knew the answer to this question. But to our horror our answer did not correspond to your answer. We were the original taste testers of the Paddle Pop which was invented by our father, Ronald Street, the nephew of Edwin (better known as Ted). Ted actually told our father it would be 'a nine day wonder'. Our father proved Ted wrong as the Paddle Pop has been around for over 50 years. We will buy the next version of your Little Book of Australia when the correction has been made! Jennifer, Fiona and Philippa Street."

I will send the Street sisters a copy of The Little Book, with the correction made by hand, and also give their father due recognition (along with their great-uncle) in the next edition. Their online comment inspired our first winner:

David Dale's quiz had some offended,
With a few answers that must be amended.
The three sisters Street
Gave some Paddle Pop heat.
Dave, your chilli-red ute's been rear-ended
(Suzanne)

In no particular order, these were the other recipients of The Little Book of Australia:

There once was a bowlful of chilli.
Aussies ate it and didn't feel silly.
They loved all the changes,
Different cultures and strangers,
And became friends in their Honda or ute.
(Amanda Taura)

Bruce and his mates in the ute
Gave chilli and tofu the boot.
They ran up the flags,
Barbied lamb and some snags,
Made burgers, of course, with beetroot!
(Kerrie Mead)

Kev once had a car-dealer ute,
That some people said was just loot.
Fair suck of the chilli!
The electorate is hilly.
How else was he meant to commute?
(Caz)

There once was a bloke with a ute
All the chicks thought it was beaut.
He liked to cook chilli
And show them his willy,
And sometimes it got him a root
(John & Sofia Wheeler)

There was a young man in a ute.
Was camped by a billabong, mute.
'Cause under the shade
Not some tea he had made
But spag bol, with chilli to boot!
(Pommie Git)

We Aussies are known for invention.
The ute's an example worth mention,
And the hoist made by Hilly,
Maybe spag bol with chilli.
But pavlova and thongs are exemption(s).
(Philip Kendall)

Oz bloke and shiela in ute.
Kids, dog and esky to boot.
Multicultural chilli.
Tea from the billi.
Our cuisine these days is a hoot!
(Graham Wood)

The ute, a type of a car,
Does not define who we are.
And equally silly
Is the notion that chilli
Projects our image afar.
(Greg Raffin)

There once was a farmer called Willi
Who planted genetically modified chilli.
When it started to shoot,
It devoured his ute.
I hope no one else is so silly!
(Ria Jansen)

You can read every entry, including the ones sent in by email, by going to limericks and more limericks.

To discuss why Avatar won't make $100 million, why Kristina Keneally will win the NSW election, and/ or why MasterChef won't get the same audience this year, go to The Tribal Mind.

• by David Dale at 05:50 AM
• Comments (5)

The Who We Are Update: The last week of TV's sleepy summer

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
For the winners of the Australia Day limerick contest, go to Who We Are.
To discuss why Avatar won't make $100 million, why Keneally will win the NSW election, and why MasterChef won't get the same audience this year, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
This was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "The American Idol Auditions was the number one program on STV in week 6, with 157,000 viewers watching the program on FOX8 on Thursday night. Midsomer Murders on UKTV was seen by 111,000 people, America's Next Top Model on FOX8 was watched by 105,000 and Bryan's episode of Come Dine With Me Australia on Lifestyle Channel was viewed by 104,000 people. Law & Order: SVU on TV1 was seen by 90,000 people, Hannah Montana on Disney Channel was seen by 78,000 people and Two and a Half Men on Arena was watched by 76,000 people. Taggart on 13th Street was seen by 68,000 people, iCarly on Nickelodeon by 67,000 viewers and Judge Judy on Bio by 62,000 subscribers.

"In sport, Live: Cricket: Ford Ranger Cup on FOX Sports was seen by 79,000 people, Sky Racing's Sky Raceday was seen by 66,000 viewers and Live: Football: EPL Liverpool v Everton on FOX Sports was viewed by 65,000. Subscription TV was the number one choice for TV around Australia with STV channels accounting for 23.2% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.8% of all regional viewing and 57.1% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Women aged 25-54 watched, week ending February 6
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TENNIS: 2010 AUST OPEN - MEN'S FINAL Seven 556,000 200,000 196,000 89,000 38,000 34,000
2 GREY'S ANATOMY-EP.2 Seven 520,000 141,000 141,000 118,000 56,000 64,000
3 GREY'S ANATOMY Seven 458,000 127,000 121,000 106,000 50,000 54,000
4 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - TOP 100 Ten 427,000 133,000 124,000 74,000 47,000 50,000
5 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 405,000 115,000 126,000 78,000 38,000 48,000
6 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - LAUNCH Ten 404,000 108,000 123,000 86,000 38,000 50,000
7 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - AUDITION 1 Ten 402,000 95,000 114,000 89,000 49,000 55,000
8 HOUSE EP 2 Ten 388,000 92,000 99,000 93,000 56,000 48,000
9 BROTHERS & SISTERS Seven 387,000 119,000 117,000 69,000 40,000 43,000
10 HOUSE Ten 378,000 92,000 91,000 93,000 54,000 49,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 09:26 AM
• Comments (58)

WHO WE ARE: Welcome to your new country

To discuss if we should move from the cultural cringe to the cultural strut, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 24/1/2010
They don't get it, they just don't get it. Too many people have yet to work out that Australia in 2010 is a different country from Australia in 1960 - as different as France is from Italy or Vietnam is from Thailand.

I don't mean we speak a different language - though that's partly true. It's more a matter of tastes, attitudes and beliefs. When was the last time you ate a lamington? When was the last time you called a woman a sheila, unless with tongue-in-cheek? Or quoted a line from The Man From Snowy River? Or discussed Don Bradman's batting average? Or admired Paul Hogan? Or ordered a cup of tea or a schooner of Toohey's?

But many of the broadcasters of this land seem not to have noticed this change. Over the past two weeks I've been promoting a new release called The Little Book of Australia, which attempts to portray this nation in the 21st century. I've been answering questions from talk jocks who live in a world of nostalgia. One asked: "David, tell us how Australia has changed in 50 years - I hope not much." I replied that Australia had transformed from one of the most boring places on the planet to one of the most interesting, because we embraced change. We became early adopters of new ideas in technology, food, entertainment and people. The love of novelty is now part of the national character - not something that would have been said about Australia in 1960.

The book's subtitle is "A snapshot of who we are", and it's no coincidence that it includes the name of this column. This reflects the help I've received in the past five years from hundreds of readers who went to the web page and offered insights. Now I'm seeking your input again. Please study the list below, then go to Comments and add your own comparisons ...

The old Australia/ The new Australia
Chiko roll/ Chicken wrap.
Eddie McGuire/ Shaun Micallef.
Owyagoin?/ Wassup?
Tea with milk and sugar/ Skim latte.
Kerry Packer/ Kerry Stokes.
Pizza with pineapple and ham/ Pizza with figs and prosciutto.
Hey Hey It's Saturday/ Thank God You're Here.
Passionfruit pavlova/ Mango gelato.
Police arresting participants in Mardi Gras/ Police becoming participants in Mardi Gras.
Albert Namitjira/ Emily Kngwarreye.
Ben Ean Moselle/ Oyster Bay sauvignon blanc.
Hey Dad/ Packed To The Rafters.
Tomato sauce/ Tomato paste.
Soy sauce/ Chilli sauce.
Fast Forward/ The Chaser's War on Everything.
Crocodile Dundee/ Mao's Last Dancer.
Bob Hawke/ Julia Gillard.
Sweet and sour pork/ Pad Thai noodles.
John Laws/ Kyle Sandilands.
Don Bradman/ Shane Warne.
Sheila/ Chick.
Bloke/ Guy.
Dag/ Retard.
VCR/ DVD.
Iced Vo Vos/ Tim tams.
Barry Humphries/ Chris Lilley.
Fish and chips/ Sushi.
Geoffrey Blainey/ Tim Flannery.
Homicide/ Underbelly.
Bert Newton/ Hamish Blake.
Chicken Maryland/ Butter chicken.
Mel Gibson/ Sam Worthington.
Meat pie/ Gozleme with mince beef.
Kylie Minogue/ Ruby Rose.
Vegemite/ Nutella.
Thongs/ Havianas.
John Farnham/ Guy Sebastian
Corn flakes/ Muesli.
The transistor radio/ The iPod.
Lamingtons/ Cupcakes.

While you're extending the list at Comments, below, tell us which transformations were for the better and which for the worse.

To win a copy of The Little Book of Australia, go to The patriotic quiz.

• by David Dale at 11:33 PM
• Comments (23)

The Big 50: A patriotic quiz

To compare 21st century Australia with 20th century Australia, go to Another country.

This week Sun-Herald columnist David Dale releases The Little Book of Australia, which summarises everything you need to know about the carefree country in the 21st century. To mark our national day, he has constructed a slightly tongue-in-cheek quiz that tests whether or not you need the book, and he offers a chance for 10 readers to win copies.

Give yourself 1 point for each correct answer. A perfect score would be 80. A total of less than 50 means you should go back to school, move to New Zealand, or try to win the contest in the final question. Go here for the answers (but not yet), and below for the limericks.

1. What's the population today?

2. Give the sources of these expressions: "Not happy, Jan"; "Puck you, miss"; "Tell 'em they're dreamin".

3. What percentage of Australians say they are: a) Muslim; b) Buddhist; c) "No religion".

4. Where are the Big Banana, the Big Merino, the Big Pineapple?

5. Who is this: "Cut and come again is his name, and cut and come again is his nature"?

6. Identify this person, and rank him in order of popularity against Magda Szubanski and Hugh Jackman (as measured by the Q-scores survey)

7. What percentage of couples cohabit before marriage?

8. What was the bilby originally called?

9. What is the national dish - as in, the meal Australians say they cook most often at home?

10. What are the two fastest growing cities in the land?

11. Match these athletes with their sports: a) Layne Beachley; b) Betty Cuthbert; c) Sarah Fitz-Gerald; d) Anne Sargeant; e) Karrie Webb. 1) running; 2) golf; 3) squash; 4) surfing; 5) netball.

12. Name, in order, the three most common causes of death.

13. What are the national colours, the national flower and the national gemstone?

14. Name this woman. She is to women's liberation as [Man's Name?] is to animal liberation.

15. What percentage of Australians agree with this statement: "A woman should have the right to choose whether or not she has an abortion"?

16. What was the most watched non-sporting TV program of the 21st century? And of the 20th century?

17. Complete these phrases: "Flash as ..." ; "I'll rip yer ..." ; "Wouldn't shout in ..."

18. They starred in the most successful Australian film of the decade. Name them and it.

19. Who invented: the bionic ear; controlled crying; the black box flight recorder?

20. In the line "the colt from old Regret had got away", was old Regret a ranch or a horse? What was the colt worth?

21. Which of these politicians is not a practising catholic - Malcolm Turnbull, Tony Abbott, Kristina Keneally, Joe Hockey, Barry O'Farrell?

22. Who smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich?

23. What is Australia's top selling beer? And wine?

24. Underbelly was the story of which Melbourne crime family? And which would-be crime boss?

25. Who led the Aboriginal rebellion against the British invasion between 1790 and 1802?

26. What percentage of births are to unmarried mothers?

27. Name this icon, and its inventor. While you're at it, name the inventors of Vegemite and the Paddle Pop.

28. What four words came after the phrase: "That's not a knife; THAT's a knife"? In what film?

29. What is Australia's tallest mountain, tallest building?

30. The highest price paid for an Australian painting was $3.48 million. What was it?

31. Which capital has the highest salary earners, the longest life expectancy and the most same-sex partnerships?

32. What do we have to share with those who've come across the seas?

33. What are Akubra hats made from?

34. Each year, every Australian consumes 64kg of what vegetable?

35. What suburb is Edna Everage from?

36. Made with sultana, gordo and muscat grapes, which wine sold seven million bottles a year in the early 1970s?

37. Who was the greatest batsman of all time and what was his Test batting average?

38. Which prime ministers do we associate with these phrases: "the recession we had to have"; "relaxed and comfortable"; "fair shake of the sauce bottle".

39. Which country gave us thongs, pavlova and our top-selling wine?

40. On what does the average adult spend 21 hours and 48 minutes a week? And nine hours and 24 minutes a week on what?

41. What company created The Loud Shirt?

42. According to testing by the Bureau of Statistics, what percentage of Australians lack skills that are "the minimum required to meet the complex demands of everyday life"?

43. Name these men. Why was the one on the left banned from live television in 1975?

44. How much do we put through poker machines each year? How much do we win back?

45. Who is Australia's top selling author?

46. By what other names were the gumnut babies Snugglepot and Cuddlepie known?

47. By what other names are the radio presenters John Doyle and Greg Pickaver known?

48. What do Elizabeth Blackburn; Patrick White and Barry Marshall have in common?

49. To what did iSnack2.0 change its name?

50. Compose a limerick (five lines) that includes the words "ute" and "chilli". The 10 wittiest works will win copies of The Little Book of Australia. Go down to Comments to lodge your entry. And go to The answers to check yourself on the other 49 questions (you can also lodge your limerick there).

To discuss if we should move from the cultural cringe to the cultural strut, go to The Tribal Mind.
To compare 21st century Australia with 20th century Australia, go to Who We Are.

• by David Dale at 06:49 PM
• Comments (83)

The patriotic quiz: Answers

To compare 21st century Australia with 20th century Australia, go to Who We Are.
To discuss if we should move from the cultural cringe to the cultural strut, go to The Tribal Mind.

Below are the answers to an Australia Day quiz, in which the 50th question could win you a copy of The Little Book of Australia. Go here for the questions -- because there's not a lot of point in reading the answers without them.

1. 22,128,000.
2. TV ad for the Yellow Pages; Jonah in Summer Heights High; Darryl Kerrigan in The Castle.
3. a) 1.7 per cent; b) 2.1 per cent; c) 19 per cent.
4. Coffs Harbour, NSW; Goulburn NSW; Nambour Qld.
5. Albert, The Magic Pudding.
6. 1 Hamish Blake; 2 Hugh Jackman; 3 Magda Szubanski.
7. 74 per cent.
8. The rabbit eared bandicoot
9. Spaghetti bolognese.
10. Perth and Cairns.
11. a4; b1; c3; d5; e2.
12. Cancer, heart disease, stroke.
13. Green and gold; the golden wattle; the opal.
14. Germaine Greer; Peter Singer.
15. 84 per cent
16. MasterChef winner announced; Diana Spencer's funeral.
17. A rat with a gold tooth; bloody arms off; a shark attack.
18. Nicole Kidman and Brandon Walters; Australia.
19. Graeme Clark; Christopher Green; David Warren.
20. A horse; a thousand pound (in The Man From Snowy River).
21. None.
22. A man in Brussels (in the song Down Under).
23. VB; Oyster Bay sauvignon blanc.
24. The Morans; Carl Williams.
25. Pemulwuy.
26. 32 per cent.
27. Chiko roll - Frank McEnroe; Vegemite - Cyril Callister; Paddle Pop - Edwin Street. 28. "Just kids having fun." Crocodile Dundee.
29. Kosciusko; Q1 on the Gold Coast.
30. Brett Whiteley's "The Olgas for Ernest Giles".
31. Canberra.
32. Boundless plains.
33. Rabbit skins
34. Potatoes.
35. Moonee Ponds, Melbourne.
36. Ben ean moselle.
37. Don Bradman; 99.94 runs.
38. Paul Keating; John Howard; Kevin Rudd.
39. New Zealand.
40. Watching TV; the internet.
41. Mambo.
42. 68 per cent.
43. Graham Kennedy, Stephen Curry. Doing a crow call that started with F.
44. $80 billion. $70 billion.
45. Bryce Courtenay
46. Bib and Bub.
47. Roy Slaven and H. G Nelson.
48. The Nobel Prize.
49. Cheesybite.
50. Put your limerick into comments

• by David Dale at 05:28 PM
• Comments (23)

The Who We Are update: The last weeks of the silly season

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss why Love Actually is all around, and the other DVDs in most Australian homes, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
This was pay TV's account of itself for the week: "The American Idol Auditions in Los Angeles set a new record for the program with 173,000 viewers on FOX8 on Wednesday night. Midsomer Murders on UKTV was watched by 131,000 people, America's Next Top Model on FOX8 had 109,000 viewers and Law & Order: SVU on TV1 was watched by 95,000 people. Taggart on 13th Street was watched by 91,000 people, Come Dine With Me Australia on Lifestyle was seen by 91,000 viewers and As The Bell Rings on Disney Channel had 90,000 viewers. Hoarders on Bio had the best ever result for the program with 79,000 viewers, Saturday's First Edition on Sky News had 69,000 viewers and Toddlers and Tiaras premiered on Lifestyle You with 65,000 viewers.

"In sport, Sky Racing's Sky Raceday was seen by 74,000 people, Live: Football: A-League Newc v Sydney on FOX Sports was watched by 63,000 people and Live: Cricket: Ford Ranger Cup on FOX Sports was viewed by 54,000 people.

"Subscription TV channels accounted for 23.1% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.6% of all regional viewing and 57.5% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What viewers aged 16-39 watched, week ending January 30, 2010
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TENNIS: 2010 AUST OPEN - DAY 8 NIGHT SESSION Seven 485,000 153,000 164,000 85,000 49,000 34,000
2 TENNIS: 2010 AUST OPEN - DAY 10 NIGHT SESSION Seven 410,000 141,000 136,000 73,000 36,000 24,000
3 ONE DAY CRICKET -AUSTRALIA V PAKISTAN GAME 2 SESSION 2 Nine 344,000 89,000 96,000 87,000 30,000 41,000
4 THE ALL NEW SIMPSONS WED Ten 332,000 78,000 110,000 67,000 34,000 43,000
5 TENNIS: 2010 AUST OPEN - DAY 9 NIGHT SESSION Seven 331,000 99,000 116,000 59,000 33,000 24,000
6 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 329,000 87,000 112,000 69,000 28,000 35,000
7 INSIDE MAN RPT Ten 322,000 88,000 95,000 75,000 36,000 27,000
8 FUTURAMA WED RPT Ten 316,000 62,000 98,000 68,000 33,000 54,000

• by David Dale at 09:56 AM
• Comments (70)

WHO WE ARE: Take the words right out of our mouth

To discuss how to deepen the storyline of Avatar, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 10/1/2010
HEY, wassup? Going forward, am I about to plate-up for you a nicely nuanced fusion of the toxic legacy of language passed on from 2009 to 2010? Yes I am, and I'm not Greching.

Doesn't quite work, that paragraph, partly because some of the terms I forced into it did not survive the leap from last year to this.

Back in February, this column prematurely declared the 2009 BWOTY (Buzz Word of the Year) to be the conversion of "nuance" from noun to verb, after the former Minister for Defence, Joel Fitzgibbon, said this in an interview: "Have I seen attempts to nuance information to cover for mistakes? Yes. Have I seen nuanced information in an attempt to produce outcomes that are more favourable to those who are responsible for the issue? Yes."

(Note his clever use of another rhetorical technique - asking yourself a question and answering it. Fitzgibbon also liked to start sentences with the useful phrase "going forward" or "moving forward").

The former Opposition leader Malcolm Turnbull went on to become the nabob of nuancing, and caused the newsletter Crikey to declare: "His economic message on the stimulus packages ... has more nuance than, well, Nuanced Jack McNuance, winner of this year's Mr Nuance competition."

For a while it looked as if the name of Godwin Grech, the man who started Turnbull's fall from grace, would be added to the language as a synonym for trick, manipulate or distort. But Australians are not so cruel. When they learned that he was residing in a mental hospital, they stopped accusing each other of Greching the truth.

And nuancing vanished with the rise of Tony Abbott, a man determined to see only black and white. Turnbull had tried to nuance the Government's climate change policy, instead of opposing it, and thus nuanced himself out of a job. Abbott's contribution to public discourse was the adjective "toxic". After he described Kevin Rudd as "a toxic bore", we started hearing about toxic assets, toxic legacies and toxic bachelors.

Mercifully, that word was not applied to any of the contestants on MasterChef, which made its contribution to the national vocabulary with "plating-up" - composing your food like a work of art. The program was so popular with all demographics there were tales of eight year old boys who complained that their school lunches had been improperly plated-up.

The pioneer of plating-up, long before the term entered general usage, was Cheong Liew, the chef at The Grange restaurant in Adelaide. He is credited with introducing the multicultural mix called "fusion cuisine" in Australia, more than 20 years ago. Fusion briefly re-entered the national conversation when the news broke in October that The Grange was closing down.

When I ate there ten years ago, my first course consisted of eight tiny tastes composed around a large white plate. Delivering it, the waiter said: "Chef suggests you eat these clockwise, starting from the 6 o'clock position." Now that's plating-up.

And while we're talking about conspicuous consumption, last year saw the word "piccolo" added to the repertoire of coffee shops across the land. This year we should see a further expansion with the arrival of the "cortado" - a permutation of espresso and steamed milk currently a fad in Madrid, Lisbon and London.

Can you go to comments to nominate other expressions likely to drive us crazy this year? Yes, you can.

• by David Dale at 08:57 AM
• Comments (6)

Who We Are Exclusive: The least-watched shows on free to air television

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To discuss if Avatar promotes the worship of Baal, go to The Tribal Mind.
To nominate the buzz words of 2010, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
So this is why the big networks were given new digital stations -- so Channel Seven could show AFL matches from 1995 and Channel Nine could show My Gym Partner is a Monkey and Channel Ten could show repeats of replays of US college basketball. Read the bottom of the OzTAM chart (below) and never complain again about lack of choice.

Talking about small numbers, this was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "Interest and viewership in the domestic Twenty20 cricket competition continues to grow with viewing levels regularly reaching near record levels. As an example, last Sunday's coverage of WA vs Victoria, Live: Cricket: Twenty20 Big Bash on FOX Sports, drew 216,000 people and the rain-affected NSW/Queensland game on Wednesday night was watched by 210,000 viewers. In other sport, Live: Football: A-League Perth v Sydney was seen by 76,000 people and the Saturday A-League game between Melbourne and Perth was watched by 65,000 people (all on FOX Sports).

"In entertainment programming, the new season of American Idol began with 140,000 people watching American Idol Auditions on Wednesday night and 126,000 viewers witnessed former Rabbitohs player Garth Wood win the finale of Live: The Contender Australia. The Inspector Lynley Mysteries on UKTV had its best result of the past year with 106,00 viewers, Taggart on 13th Street was watched by 87,000 people and 87,000 watched Location, Location, Location on Lifestyle Channel. Heartbeat premiered on UKTV with 71,000 people, How I met Your Mother on Arena had its best ever result with 71,000 viewers and similarly Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan on Bio. had its best result with 69,000 people viewers.

Subscription TV channels won the third week of 2010 with 25.9% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 22.8% of all regional viewing and 62.7% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, and didn't, week ending January 16
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,266,000 290,000 325,000 300,000 148,000 202,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,206,000 318,000 365,000 208,000 142,000 173,000
3 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,197,000 238,000 466,000 197,000 195,000 101,000
4 COASTWATCH Seven 1,192,000 249,000 348,000 293,000 143,000 159,000
5 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT ABC1 1,145,000 284,000 317,000 238,000 149,000 157,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,142,000 300,000 395,000 232,000 108,000 108,000
7 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,128,000 299,000 325,000 210,000 133,000 161,000
8 BORDER PATROL-SUN Seven 1,128,000 241,000 316,000 282,000 123,000 166,000
9 BONES (R) Seven 1,068,000 246,000 269,000 259,000 153,000 141,000
10 MIGHTY SHIPS: BECRUX Seven 1,037,000 247,000 236,000 267,000 128,000 159,000
11 BORDER PATROL-MON Seven 1,029,000 286,000 263,000 222,000 120,000 138,000
12 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,028,000 281,000 271,000 207,000 114,000 155,000
13 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,028,000 259,000 368,000 210,000 85,000 106,000
14 THE MENTALIST -RPT Nine 1,021,000 288,000 302,000 192,000 128,000 110,000

• by David Dale at 09:32 AM
• Comments (73)

The Who We Are update: The end of the second last year of the Noughties

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn what Avatar has in common with Gilgamesh, go to The Tribal Mind.
To learn why Twitter is over, go to Who We Are

The ratings race, last five days of 2009 and first two days of 2010
This was Pay TV's account of itself for week 53/ week 1: "Subscription TV celebrated the New Year with a clear victory around Australia. In week 1 of 2010, STV had more viewers than any other network, with STV channels accounting for 26.8% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 23.3% of all regional viewing and 64.3% of all viewing in subscription TV homes.

"The FOX Sports' coverage of the Twenty20 match between Victoria and NSW, Live: Cricket: Twenty20 Big Bash, topped the week with 231,000 viewers. The tournament, exclusive to subscription TV, continues to increase in popularity with this week's broadcast representing highest ever ratings for the competition outside the 2008 and 2009 finals. In other sport programming, Live: Football: A-League Nth Qld v Melb on FOX Sports was watched by 65,000 people and Sky Raceday on Sky Racing was seen by 52,000 people.

"In entertainment programming, The Simpsons on FOX8 was watched by 105,000 people and Law & Order: SVU on TV1 was watched by 102,000 people. The Susan Boyle documentary, I Dreamed a Dream, premiered on UKTV with 96,000 viewers, Taggart on 13th Street was watched by 89,000 people and The Silence of the Lambs had 86,000 viewers on FOX Classics. Grand Designs on Lifestyle was viewed by 80,000 people, Kendra on E! had its best result of the last 12 months with 71,000 viewers and Monday's Sportsline on Sky News was seen by 67,000 people."

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Network Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,092,000 270,000 280,000 263,000 107,000 172,000
2 EDINBURGH MILITARY TATTOO 2009 ABC1 1,014,000 248,000 307,000 211,000 108,000 141,000
3 ABC NEWS-SA ABC1 921,000 221,000 267,000 209,000 101,000 124,000
4 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 881,000 275,000 295,000 153,000 89,000 70,000
5 NO LEAVE NO LIFE Seven 841,000 206,000 218,000 201,000 88,000 128,000
6 BORDERLINE Seven 740,000 196,000 208,000 177,000 68,000 91,000
7 ABC NEWS UP-DATE ABC1 727,000 180,000 250,000 125,000 81,000 91,000
8 KINGDOM Seven 705,000 166,000 223,000 144,000 78,000 93,000
9 WIPEOUT Nine 661,000 158,000 241,000 142,000 60,000 62,000
10 BED OF ROSES RPT ABC1 616,000 168,000 138,000 169,000 63,000 79,000
12 EDWARD SCISSORHANDS RPT Ten 514,000 146,000 165,000 61,000 74,000 67,000
15 MYTHBUSTERS SBS ONE 463,000 104,000 114,000 113,000 60,000 72,000
16 JAWS RPT Ten 455,000 118,000 139,000 63,000 71,000 66,000
21 ROCKWIZ RPT SBS ONE 295,000 86,000 66,000 74,000 36,000 33,000
27 M-CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG Seven 222,000 62,000 62,000 37,000 24,000 36,000
38 PAN'S LABYRINTH SBS ONE 135,000 57,000 25,000 24,000 12,000 17,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

• by David Dale at 05:18 AM
• Comments (109)

WHO WE ARE: Couldn't give a twit

To learn what Avatar has in common with Gilgamesh, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 27/12/2009
It was the year when Twitter came and went -- a fad formed in February and dropped in December, proof that this is the land of the short attention span.

Australia has long been legendary as a nation of Early Adopters, the ideal test market for new gadgets and products. We embraced colour TV, the VCR, the mobile phone, the games machine, the DVD and the iPod faster than any other outpost of Western civilisation.

Now it's apparent that another of our traits could be equally useful to the international marketing industry -- we are Early Discarders. On television, we lost interest in Lost, Ugly Betty, Heroes, Prison Break, 24 and Flashforward long before the Americans.

In communications, Australia's most trendsetting spokesmodel, Ruby Rose, announced that she has cancelled her Twitter service. Telling the world everything you're doing every minute is just not amusing any more. Ruby Rose has apparently experienced an epiphany: that when you have nothing interesting to say, there is no need to say anything. If Australia's answer to Paris Hilton decides she couldn't give a twit, the rest of the partygoing community cannot be far behind. Rose is not necessarily a cause, but she is almost certainly a symptom of social change.

Back in February, when the media started trumpeting Twitter as the hottest self-promotion tool since the megaphone, I asked a social researcher what he made of it. "It's a classic case of BOFSDT" he replied. That acronym stands for Boring Old Farts Suddenly Discover Technology.

"The teenagers aren't using it," he said. "They're happy with FaceBook. People over 30 do most of the twittering -- especially politicians and journalists who think it makes them hip and groovy. Their children think it's a wank."

The Twitter frenzy of the BOFs peaked during the Liberal leadership chaos, when multitudes of grey-haired males were seen frantically thumbing their mobiles in party rooms and parliamentary chambers. It was downhill from there. A month later Ruby Rose delivered the death blow.

In designing a communication tool by which people with short attention spans could scatter their every thought to the winds, the creators of Twitter planted the seeds of their own destruction -- because people with short attention spans must move on.

The media observers who hailed Twitter as The Next Big Thing were like the writers of the movie trilogy Back to the Future. In episode two, Michael J. Fox travels to the year 2015, and finds that all communications are conducted by fax. Every room in the house contains a machine spewing out shiny paper messages. That proved to be one of the most embarrassing predictions of the 20th century.

The film was made in 1989, when the writers could not have foreseen the arrival of text messaging and the internet. But anyone currently planning a movie about the year 2015 has the benefit of Ruby Rose's revelation to save them from suggesting Twitter will still be around in five years time.

I'd like to be able to predict that by 2015 people will no longer become famous simply by appearing at a lot of parties, but that social change may take a little longer.

Go to Comments to discuss other fads that are on the way out.

Footnote:: Since that column appeared, Ruby Rose has reopened her twitter account to announce her latest plan to marry a model, while the British comedian Stephen Fry has deleted his twitter account in order to get on with real life.

• by David Dale at 07:24 PM
• Comments (16)

WHO WE ARE: Things you didn't know -- and probably shouldn't -- about Australia

To learn what Kyle Sandilands, Baz Luhrmann and Poh have in common, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 13/12/2009
AS YOU KNOW, Australia celebrates Thanksgiving in May, while the Americans celebrate in late November. You didn't know? But it was revealed just the other day by Hollywood Reporter magazine, in the course of a story explaining how Australia managed to see the year's final episode of the series Flashforward a week ahead of America (they'd postponed their showing because of the Thanksgiving day holiday, while we had no reason to postpone because we already did our celebrating in May).

As part of its brief to explain Australia to Australians, this column collects things said about us by other countries. The report about our May observance (I wonder what the Los Angelenos imagine we are giving thanks for each year) is just one of many peculiar commentaries in the collection for 2009. Here are some more examples:

Australians love car crashes
That was the headline in The Guardian (London) on August 11. It said: "Australians are peculiarly fascinated by car crashes ... Australian films present hours of compelling evidence - movie crashes explode or unfold in distinctly Australian ways. The national flair comes across not just in the surrounding scenery but, more important, in the style." The report was based on a monograph called "Antipodean Automobility and Crash: Treachery, Trespass and Transformation of the Open Road", by Catherine Simpson of Macquarie University.

Australians are "hopping mad" about plans to create kangaroo and emu flavoured potato chips
The New York Daily News reported this on December 5. It explained: "Critics say the snack food encourages people to eat the country's coat of arms, which features the iconic Australian animals." The story quotes a spokesman for Smith's Crisps as saying the chip is actually vegetarian, and ends with the witty line: "No word from down under on whether there are any plans for cooking up a complementary dip flavor." (Der! Beetroot, of course).

Captain Cook was not a captain and did not save his crew from scurvy
This calumny appears in a paperback called The Book of General Ignorance (derived from the British TV series QI). It claims Cook was only a lieutenant when he bumped our shore, but "You still hear 'Captain Cook' trotted out at dinner parties (though very rarely at Australian ones)." What does this do for our rhyming slang: "Have a captain at this"? "Have a lieutenant at this" just does not work. The book scorns the notion that the non-captain fed his crew lemons to ward off scurvy: "The truth seems to be that Cook simply ignored it. The journals of his fellow officers indicate that it was widespread on all three voyages ..."

The Book of General Ignorance also asserts:

Ayer's Rock is not the biggest rock in the world
Allegedly that title belongs to Mount Augustus, or Burrungurrah, in Western Australia, which is two and a half times bigger than Uluru. The book says: "The final sting in the tail for Ayers Rock snobs: Mount Augustus is a monolith - a single piece of rock. Uluru isn't."

The word "kangaroo" really does refer to the two-legged native marsupial
The book mocks the theory that "kangaroo" means "I don't know" -- the answer allegedly given by Aboriginal people when the first English explorers asked them "What is that animal called?" It says the word "comes from the Guugu Ymithirr language of Botany Bay, where it means the large grey or black kangaroo, Macropus robustus".

This puts The Book of General Ignorance in dispute with the first book ever published about Australia-- A Narrative of the Expedition To Botany Bay (1789), wherein Watkin Tench (a marine lieutenant in the First Fleet) reveals that the Aboriginal people he met were under the impression that "kangaroo" was an English word for any strange-looking animal (because they used "patagaran" for the marsupial). For more detail, go to this episode of this column: Is it a sheep? Is it a cow? No, it's super pat.

But one detail in Tench's book seems to conform with The Book of General Ignorance. He refers at all times to the "discoverer" of Australia's east coast as "Mr Cook" -- never captain.

Go to Comments to add any data you may have, to challenge these foreigners on their perceptions of us, or to add your own Australofallacies.

• by David Dale at 08:38 PM
• Comments (1)

The Who We Are update: First fortnight of the silly season, 2009

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn what Kyle Sandilands, Baz Luhrmann and Poh have in common, go to The Tribal Mind.
To discuss some of the strangest things written about Australia in 2009, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 9 am Monday
For the winners of the limerick contest, go here.

This was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "High School Musical 3: Senior Year, the third movie in the series, premiered on Disney Channel with 108,000 viewers. NCIS on TV1 also had 108,000 viewers on the Tuesday night broadcast while Grand Designs Abroad on Lifestyle had its best result of the year with 101,000 people. Midsomer Murders on UKTV was watched by 97,000 people and this week's episode from the third season of Gossip Girl on FOX8 scored 92,000 people. Friends on 111 Hits was watched by 75,000 people, Law & Order on W was seen by 69,000 subscribers, Taggart on 13th Street had 68,000 people and Zoey 101 on Nickelodeon was watched by 68,000 viewers.

"In sport, Live: Football: A-League Bris v Adel on FOX Sports was watched by 69,000 people and Sky Raceday on Sky Racing was seen by 66,000 people. In the second week of summer, subscription TV won the week around Australia with subscription TV channels accounting for 24.1% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.6% of all regional viewing and 61.0% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Women aged 16-39 watched, week ending December 12
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 GLEE Ten 246,000 67,000 64,000 60,000 23,000 32,000
2 PRIVATE PRACTICE-TUE Seven 228,000 76,000 59,000 44,000 29,000 20,000
3 M - THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN RPT Ten 217,000 49,000 74,000 44,000 22,000 27,000
4 FUTURAMA WED RPT Ten 180,000 50,000 61,000 28,000 21,000 21,000
5 THE AMAZING RACE 15 - TUE Seven 180,000 65,000 56,000 27,000 21,000 12,000
6 TWO AND A HALF MEN -TUE Nine 180,000 58,000 47,000 32,000 12,000 31,000
7 SURVIVOR: SAMOA Nine 179,000 58,000 64,000 25,000 15,000 16,000
8 THE MIDDLE Nine 178,000 63,000 50,000 30,000 15,000 21,000
9 BONES (R) Seven 177,000 48,000 51,000 42,000 12,000 25,000
10 TWO AND A HALF MEN -MON Nine 174,000 50,000 58,000 30,000 18,000 18,000
11 MR. & MRS. SMITH -RPT Nine 173,000 54,000 61,000 21,000 21,000 17,000
12 ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE Ten 171,000 47,000 47,000 40,000 16,000 21,000
13 GARY UNMARRIED-TUE Seven 171,000 54,000 58,000 25,000 16,000 17,000
14 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER-SUMMER Seven 168,000 44,000 51,000 36,000 18,000 19,000
15 THE MENTALIST -RPT Nine 165,000 36,000 60,000 35,000 13,000 21,000
16 THE CLEVELAND SHOW Ten 164,000 50,000 45,000 28,000 20,000 21,000
17 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE-MON (R) Seven 159,000 49,000 30,000 40,000 17,000 22,000
18 THE SIMPSONS WED Ten 157,000 48,000 57,000 24,000 15,000 13,000
19 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS SUMMER Seven 156,000 48,000 46,000 28,000 18,000 16,000
20 WHITE COLLAR TUES Ten 151,000 29,000 45,000 44,000 14,000 19,000
21 LIE TO ME THURS RPT Ten 147,000 21,000 54,000 34,000 18,000 20,000

• by David Dale at 09:39 AM
• Comments (108)

WHO WE ARE: The year of growing dumber

To nominate the best lines from the movies of 2009, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 29/11/2009
By the time you've finished reading this column, there will be seven more Australians. Five babies will have been born, four immigrants will have settled in and two poor bastards will have died. By midnight, Australia's population will have grown by 600, bringing us to 22,075,000.

The revelation that Australia is enjoying a population explosion - the result of breeding like bunnies for five years and opening the floodgates to skilled workers from Britain, China and India - may be The Most Significant Thing We Learned About Ourselves In 2009. But there are other candidates for that title, and I'd like your vote before declaring a winner. Here are some more insights into The New Australia which we gained this year:

Most of us are too dumb to function in the modern world. That was the conclusion reached by the Bureau of Statistics from its "Adult Literacy and Life Skills Survey" of 8,988 Australians aged 15 to 74. It said only 30 per cent of us possessed skills which are "the minimum required for individuals to meet the complex demands of everyday life and work in the emerging knowledge-based economy". The Bureau was particularly disturbed that 59 per cent of Australians "have difficulty with tasks such as locating information on a bottle of medicine about the maximum number of days the medicine could be taken, or drawing a line on a container indicating where one third would be".

Hamish Blake is our favourite person. In the six-monthly "Q-scores" survey of how 2000 Australians regard various celebrities, Blake displaced Hugh Jackman as the most recognized and liked person in the land.

Australia's favourite wine is made in New Zealand. It's Oyster Bay sauvignon blanc. Three years ago chardonnay was outselling sauvignon blanc three to one, but according to Sandy Mayo, global brand director for Penfolds, it developed an image problem when Kath and Kim started referring to it as "cardonnay": "We heard a lot of consumers say they would never take a chardonnay to a dinner party because everybody would laugh at them."

We have a compulsion for constant contact Put another way, we've transformed from a landline society to a mobile society. A survey by Roy Morgan Research in the first half of the year reached this conclusion: "The percentage of people with a fixed line connection has been on the decrease over the last 10 years and has finally been surpassed by people with a mobile phone, which has increased rapidly ... [Now] 85.2 per cent of the Australian population (15.13 million) own or use a mobile phone, which has overtaken the proportion who live in a household with a fixed line connection (84.9 per cent, 15.08 million").

Most of us will find love before we die. That's if you define love as wanting to live in the same house as your partner. In its "Family Characteristics and Transitions Survey", the Bureau found that "for people aged 35 years or over, 95 per cent had had at least one marriage or de facto relationship. This included 18 per cent who had had two (live-in) relationships and 7 per cent who had three or more."

On that encouraging note, we'll stop the revelations for now. Go to comments to tell us which was the most significant and to nominate other vital insights we gained this year.

• by David Dale at 10:47 AM
• Comments (1)

The TV year 2009: The spins are in

To mark the end of the "official" ratings year, the networks have started telling their tales. Amazingly, it seems that everybody won. First, lets look at the undisputed top 40 most watched shows of the year. Then we'll see how each network told its story.

The most watched programs of 2009
1 Masterchef Australia - Winner Announced (10) 3.74m; 2 AFL grand final (10) 2.88m; 3 Melbourne Cup - The Race (7) 2.67m; 4 Underbelly: A Tale of Two Cities (9) 2.58m; 5 NRL grand final (9) 2.53m; 6 Tennis: Australian Open, Dokic last game (7) 2.32m; 7 State of Origin Game 1 (9) 2.32m; 8 Hey Hey Reunion part two (9) 2.31m; 9 Tennis: Aus Open Men's Final (7) 2.24m; 10 Hey Hey Reunion (9) 2.17m; 11 State of Origin 2 (9) 2.13m; 12 Cricket: Twenty/20 Aus v South Africa Game 2 (9) 2.12m; 13 The Biggest Loser: Winner Announced (10) 2.10m; 14 Cricket: Twenty/20 Aus v S. Africa Game 1 (9) 2.04m; 15 Packed to the Rafters (7) 2.07m; 16 State of Origin 3 (9) 1.91m; 17 Logies (9) 1.69; 18 Seven news bushfire edition (7) 1,64; 19 Talkin Bout Your Generation (10) 1.60m; 20 Seven News Sunday (7) 1.59m; 21 Thank God You're here (70 1.52m; 22 World's Strictest parents (7) 1.51m; 23 Border Security (7) 1.50m; 24 Find My Family (7) 1.49m; 25 Seven News Mon-Fri (7) 1.48m; 26 The Zoo (7) 1.47m; 27 NCIS (10) 1.45m; 28 Dancing With The Stars (7) 1.44m; 29 RSPCA Animal Rescue (7) 1.43m; 30 Midsomer Murders (ABC) 1.42m; 31 Surf Patrol (7) 1.41m; 32 Nine News Sunday (9) 1.40m; 33 Triple Zero Heroes (7) 1.39m; 34 Customs (9) 1.38m; 35 Last Chance Surgery (7) 1.38m 1.38m; 36 Australia's Got Talent (7) 1.37m; 37 AirWays (7) 1.37m; 38 Today Tonight (7) 1.37m; 39 Merlin (10) 1.36m; 40 Highway Patrol (7) 1.35m.

CHANNEL NINE'S SPIN
". Nine wins 25-54 demographic across 5 city, official OzTAM results, 6pm-midnight, network on network
. Across all programing, Nine finishes year with 10 of the 20 best performing shows
Nine has the Number 1 rating program -- Underbelly: Tale of Two Cities.
. The Nine network has again delivered on its target demographic in 2009 by claiming for the second consecutive year the number one spot in the advertiser-preferred 25-54 demographic across the 5 city metro."

THE ABC's SPIN
"In a year dominated by fierce competition between networks and the launch of four new free-to-air channels, ABC TV has increased its share of free-to-air viewers in 2009 by broadening its appeal through ABC1 and ABC2.
ABC TV recorded a prime time share of 17.1% (weeks 7- 48, free-to-air 5 city) 0.1 of a point higher than 2008, which had previously been its most successful ratings year ever.
Complementing the increase in share within the free-to-air TV market, ABC iView has recorded a 140% increase in monthly average visits compared to 2008 and in October there was a record 1 million visits. In addition, more than 7 million vodcasts of ABC content have been downloaded in 2009 (to end of October).
2009 is the first full year that ABC2 has been part of the ratings cycle and its people share during prime time increased to 1.2% - double that of 2008. In week 46, ABC2 hit a new peak to reach 2.6 million viewers or 17.6% of the 5 city population.
Kim Dalton, Director of ABC TV said "The free-to-air TV landscape this year is hardly recognisable from even just 12 months ago. I'm delighted that ABC TV has been able to grow its audience in this tough environment, and in fact, has been at the forefront of this revolution. Come December 4, even more viewers are set to come on board with the launch of the new kids' channel, ABC3.
Top 6 Programs on ABC1
5 Cities
Spicks and Specks - 27th May (1.6 million; 32.5% FTA Share)
The Chaser's War on Everything - 27th May (1.5 million; 32.1% FTA Share)
Midsomer Murders - 4th October (1.5 million; 31.2% FTA Share)
The Gruen Transfer - 20th May (1.3 million; 26.1% FTA Share)
New Tricks - 13th June (1.3 million; 31.2% FTA Share)
Australian Story - 22nd June (1.3 million; 24.7% FTA Share)"

CHANNEL TEN'S SPIN
". Network Ten Total (TEN + ONE combined) wins the year in prime-time in 18-49 with a 33.7% share
. Network Ten Total (TEN + ONE combined) wins the year in prime-time in 16-39 with a 37.0% share
TEN (primary channel):
. TEN wins the year in prime-time in 16-39 and under 50s
. TEN is competitive in 18-49 with a 33.5% share; Year-on-year share in 18-49 is up by 2.9%; Year-on-year audience in 18-49 is up by 1.5%
. TEN wins 16-39 for 9th straight year; Year-on-year share in 16-39 is up by 2.7%
. TEN's year-on-year share in 25-54 is up by 4.7%; year-on-year audience in 25-54 is up by 4.9%
. TEN's year-on-year total share is up by 5.5%; Year-on-year audience is up by 4.0%.
TEN wins the year in daytime; TEN News At Five is the year's top regular daytime program
. TEN delivers the top 3 shows of 2009: MasterChef Australia - The Winner Announced, MasterChef Australia - Finale Night and The AFL Grand Final."

CHANNEL SEVEN'S SPIN
". Seven wins primetime in total viewers, 18-49s, and 25-54s in 2009
We'll leave Nine and Ten to attempt to spin their stories, and only wonder why you'd combine multiple channel audiences and redefine primetime to get a story. We'd rather let the facts speak for themselves.
. For the third consecutive year Seven is #1 in primetime and also #1 for the fourth consecutive year overall (across the 6am to midnight broadcast day) ...
. We have more total viewers, 18-49s and 25-54s in prime time than anyone else. And while we love our new channel, 7TWO, we don't need to add in its expanding audience to make up a story on how well Seven is going (which is very nicely and thankyou for asking)."

PAY TV'S SPIN
"In the first 48 weeks of the year, subscription TV was the number one choice for TV viewing around Australia with 22.4% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.4% of all regional viewing and 58.2% of all viewing in subscription TV homes. Even when the 2009 summer period is excluded (ie looking at weeks 7-48 only), STV was a clear winner. This year demonstrated the traditional strengths of subscription TV with a wide variety of sport, news and entertainment programs.

"The April broadcast of Live: Football: World Cup Qual. Aust v Uzbekistan topped the year for subscription TV with 431,000 viewers and set an all time audience record for the industry. The South Africa cricket tests earlier in the year proved popular, with Live: Cricket: Test RSA v AUS Day 2 S1 being watched by 358,000 people in March. The NRL series also scored significant audiences across the season with the Live: NRL Bulldogs v Storm match getting the biggest audience for the code with 347,000 viewers in May (all on FOX Sports).

"Australia's Next Top Model Live Finale on FOX8 in July topped the year in entertainment with 285,000 viewers watching the live finale. Live: Sound Relief Melbourne on Channel [V] was a major initiative for the platform and set an audience record for the channel with 220,000 viewers watching the charity concert in March.

"Project Runway Australia: Finale on Arena was watched by 191,000 in September and the Sky News' broadcast of Victoria Bushfire Disaster - Live Coverage provided subscription TV viewers with timely and comprehensive updates on the tragedy in February. The Disney Original Movie Princess Protection Program gathered 157,000 viewers to its broadcast in July and the Stargate: Universe premiere on SCI FI in October was watched by 149,000 people."

More to come as the argument proceeds. This is almost as good as the Liberal Party. The Tribal Mind column on Saturday December 5 will explain who were the real winners and losers of 2009 by analysing audience sizes rather than shares of an ever-diminishing cake.

• by David Dale at 01:24 AM

The Who We Are update: Last week of "official" ratings

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To discuss how dumb Australia was in 2009, go to Who We Are.
To nominate the best lines from the movies of 2009, go to The Tribal Mind.

The most watched shows on each of the Free to Air channels, week ending November 28
Seven
1 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS 2,049,000 (Total audience across five mainland capitals)
2 THE FORCE 1,569,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN 1,499,000
4 BORDER SECURITY 1465,000
5 UNLIKELY ANIMAL FRIENDS 1377,000
6 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS 1336,000
7 HIGHWAY PATROL 1311,000
8 BORDER SECURITY -WED (R) 1277,000
9 SEVEN NEWS 1273,000
10 M-RATATOUILLE 1241,000
7TWO
1 STARGATE ATLANTIS 175,000
2 HEROES 132,000
3 M-CHICKEN RUN 131,000
4 M-SHOOTER 107,000
5 M-HEAVY WEIGHTS 89,000
6 UGLY BETTY 88,000
ABC1
1 ABC NEWS-SUN 929,000
2 ABC NEWS WEEKDAYS 913,000
3 ABC NEWS-SAT 890,000
4 ELDERS WITH ANDREW DENTON 800,000
5 BILL 791,000
6 HOPE SPRINGS 727,000
7 TAGGART 716,000
8 7.30 REPORT 713,000
9 WIRE IN THE BLOOD: PRAYER OF THE BONE 692,000
10 THE NEW INVENTORS 674,000
ABC2
1 DOCTOR WHO: VOYAGE OF THE DAMNED 114,000
2 WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MADE: DORIS DAY SUPERSTAR 109,000
3 WILLA'S WILD LIFE 103,000
4 POKO 102,000
5 ADVENTURES OF BOTTLE TOP BILL AND HIS BEST FRIEND 94,000
6 JUNKYARD WARS 87,000
Nine
1 TWO AND A HALF MEN -MON 1291,000
2 THE MENTALIST 1227,000
3 TWO AND A HALF MEN -WED EP2 1216,000
4 NINE NEWS SUNDAY 1163,000
5 NINE NEWS SATURDAY 1133,000
6 TWO AND A HALF MEN -WED EP1 1113,000
7 THE BIG BANG THEORY 1080,000
8 TWO AND A HALF MEN -RPT 1071,000
9 NINE NEWS 1049,000
10 CRICKET: ALL STAR TWENTY/20 1041,000
GO!
1 LICENCE TO WED 153,000
2 TRANSFORMERS 144,000
3 THE BIG BANG THEORY 123,000
4 WIPEOUT 112,000
5 KIDS WB SUNDAY 112,000
6 SUPERBAD 109,000
Ten
1 AUSTRALIAN IDOL - THE WINNER ANNOUNCED 1492,000
2 CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - FINALE 1295,000
3 AUSTRALIAN IDOL - THE FINAL VERDICT 1280,000
4 AUSTRALIAN IDOL - LIVE FROM THE OPERA HOUSE 1109,000
5 NCIS RPT 1106,000
6 CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA TUES 1080,000
7 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION - CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 1063,000
8 HAMISH & ANDY RE-GIFTED 1050,000
9 GLEE THURS 1049,000
10 LIE TO ME 976,000
ONE
1 UFC WIRED 84,000
2 WORLD'S STRONGEST MAN RPT 74,000
3 SPORTS TONIGHT: AFL DRAFT UPDATE 56,000
4 WORLD HELI CHALLENGE 56,000
5 DRAG RACING: ANDRA CHAMPIONSHIP 2009 54,000
6 HIGH OCTANE 40,000
SBS1
1 TOP GEAR RPT 685,000
2 MAN VS WILD 664,000
3 DESTINATION: FIFA WORLD CUP 461,000
4 ADBC BITESIZE 427,000
5 ROCKWIZ 284,000
6 MYTHBUSTERS 280,000
7 TOP GEAR 268,000
8 LUKE NGUYEN'S VIETNAM 261,000
9 WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? 260,000
10 DEMETRI'S CASTLE 242,000
SBS2
1 THE PACIFIC WAR IN COLOUR RPT 35,000
2 LOVE IN INDIA 1 24,000
3 2 BECOME 1 23,000
4 LIGHT FANTASTIC RPT 22,000
5 THE ADVENTURE OF ENGLISH RPT 20,000
6 DESTINATION: FIFA WORLD CUP RPT 19,000

• by David Dale at 07:09 PM
• Comments (58)

WHO WE ARE: A nation of capppuholics

To find out if the ad industry calls you "socially aware", "basic needs" or "traditional family", go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 15/11/2009
LET THE Germans celebrate their falling wall. Australia has a far more significant social shift to commemorate this year - the 30th anniversary of our change from a nation of tea drinkers to a nation of coffee drinkers, which means from passive to active, from apathetic to engaged, from relaxed and comfortable to alert but not alarmed, from an island off the coast of England to an island in the middle of the Mediterranean, from the kind of place where a John Howard would grow up and lead the Liberal Party to a place that would spawn a Kevin Rudd.

Yes, 1979 was the year when coffee consumption on the way up passed tea consumption on the way down. To mark the moment, the baristas of our nation have this year added a new permutation to their repertoire - the piccolo (an espresso with a bit more milk than a macchiato and a bit less milk than a latte).

This brings the number of shapes in which you can order your pickmeup in the typical suburban cafe to a glorious 16.

My caffeine, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways: espresso (or short black), double espresso, long black, macchiato, large macchiato, piccolo, latte (hot milk, minimum froth), flat white (a latte but served in a cup instead of a glass), cappuccino (hot milk, lots of froth), affogato (espresso with a dollop of icecream).

That's your basic array. Now add skim milk versions, soy milk versions, decaffeinated versions, and the babycino, and you see why baristas have to do so much fiddling with their machines that they'd have no time to boil water if some eccentric came in and asked for a cup of tea.

Lets track the transformation. In 1949, every Australian drank 3.2 litres of tea a year and 0.2 litres of coffee.

In the early 1950s, the cappuccino machine arrived, along with mass immigration from Italy. (As far as I can establish, the first one was installed in 1953 at the University Cafe in Lygon Street, Melbourne, pictured above). And thus coffee's conquest of the suburbs began.

By 1979, we were consuming 1.7 litres of tea and 1.7 litres of coffee a year. Nowadays, tea is below 0.8 litres and coffee is past 4 litres per person a year.

Put another way, in 50 years each of us has gone from two cups of tea a week to three cups of coffee a week. The research agency Bis Shrapnel estimates that outside the home, Australians drink a billion coffees a year, of which 480 million are cappuccinos.

But 80 per cent of our coffee consumption is home-made instant (we spend $250 million a year in supermarkets on Nescafe Blend 43, and $150 million on Moccona).

So the nation swallows five billion cups of coffee a year. No wonder we elected a prime minister who operates on five hours sleep a night and expects his public servants to work 15 hours a day. Give them all another double short skim piccolo.

Go to Comments to discuss the national addiction.

• by David Dale at 01:54 PM
• Comments (9)

The Who We Are update: Week 47

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn how Australian television tastes have changed since 1999, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
Channel Seven consolidated its victory for the year, averaging 30.0 per cent of the prime time audience last week (a figure that includes the audience for 7TWO). Nine and GO drew 27.4, Ten and ONE 20.1, ABC1&2 17.1 and SBS1&2 5.4. Go below to see what women watched last week.

Pay TV boosted its share of viewing last week, apparently because the free to air stations seem to have declared the silly season two weeks early. This was Pay's account of itself: "The 'Tiger Woods show' topped the week with FOX Sport's coverage of Live: Golf: JBWere Masters drawing 152,000 viewers. In other sport, Rugby League: Four Nations was watched by 88,000 people, Live: Football: A-League Bris v Melb had 73,000 viewers and Live: Cricket: Ford Ranger Cup was seen by 69,000 people. Finally, in the early hours of Sunday morning, 63,000 dedicated fans watched the Socceroos beat Oman in Live: Football: AFC Asian Cup Qualifier Oman v Aust (all on FOX Sports).

"New Zealand's Next Top Model on FOX8 scored a season-to-date best result when it was seen by 127,000 viewers, Midsomer Murders on UKTV was seen by 119,000 people and The Contender Australia on FOX8 was watched by 92,000 people. Law & Order: SVU on TV1 was seen by 85,000 people, Location, Location, Location on Lifestyle was seen by 82,000 people and Dora the Explorer on Nick Jr. was watched by 78,000 people.

"In week 47, subscription TV was the number one choice for TV across Australia, with STV channels representing 22.3% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 22.6% of all regional viewing and 60.6% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Women 25-54 watched, week ending November 21
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 576,000 174,000 162,000 110,000 54,000 76,000
2 BONES Seven 433,000 103,000 125,000 90,000 50,000 65,000
3 TWO AND A HALF MEN -MON Nine 430,000 121,000 139,000 88,000 32,000 50,000
4 NCIS Ten 378,000 115,000 106,000 78,000 37,000 42,000
5 CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 369,000 141,000 104,000 58,000 27,000 39,000
6 PRIVATE PRACTICE-TUE Seven 364,000 118,000 103,000 61,000 32,000 50,000
7 FLASHFORWARD Seven 360,000 116,000 83,000 65,000 35,000 61,000
8 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 358,000 116,000 107,000 58,000 28,000 49,000
9 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE Seven 353,000 86,000 96,000 81,000 34,000 56,000
10 BEAUTY AND THE GEEK AUSTRALIA Seven 353,000 90,000 124,000 59,000 26,000 54,000
11 THE BIG BANG THEORY Nine 349,000 96,000 104,000 70,000 27,000 52,000
12 THE MENTALIST Nine 343,000 103,000 107,000 68,000 28,000 37,000
13 CRIMINAL MINDS-MON Seven 340,000 101,000 82,000 53,000 44,000 60,000
14 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 332,000 88,000 90,000 74,000 32,000 48,000
15 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 328,000 95,000 93,000 67,000 33,000 41,000
16 AUSTRALIAN IDOL Ten 327,000 107,000 92,000 66,000 26,000 35,000

• by David Dale at 08:10 AM
• Comments (53)

The Who We Are update: Week 46

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To find out if the ad industry calls you "socially aware", "basic needs" or "traditional family", go to The Tribal Mind.
To learn how Australia became addicted to caffeine, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10am Monday
As we race towards the silly season (only two weeks of normal programming to go), Seven draws further ahead of Nine, Ten keeps sinking and ABC is thriving. The prime time audience shares last week were: SBS1&2 5.7 per cent; ABC1&2 18.0; Ten&ONE 19.8; Nine&GO 26.3; Seven&7TWO 30.1.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "Tiger Woods and the other competitors in the Australian Masters were watched by 132,000 people on the FOX Sports' broadcast of Live: Golf: JBWere Masters. Other sports highlights this week include Live: Cricket: ODI Ind v Aus 6th ODI S2 watched by 257,000 viewers, Football: EPL Highlights seen by 69,000 viewers and Live: Golf: Euro PGA: HSBC C'ship Final watched by 67,000 (all on FOX Sports).

"Grand Designs on Lifestyle was seen by 125,000 viewers, Midsomer Murders on UKTV was seen by 107,000 people and New Zealand's Next Top Model on FOX8 was seen by 103,000 viewers. Law & Order: SVU on TV1 was watched by 102,000 people, Quantum of Solace premiered on Movie One with 96,000 viewers and Nickelodeon's Kids' Choice Awards 2009 premiered with 95,000 viewers.

"In week 46, STV channels represented 22.2% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.5% of all regional viewing and 58.9% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending November 14
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,853,000 539,000 559,000 302,000 226,000 228,000
2 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE Seven 1,601,000 404,000 437,000 328,000 182,000 249,000
3 BORDER SECURITY Seven 1,515,000 369,000 445,000 337,000 161,000 203,000
4 TWO AND A HALF MEN -MON Nine 1,456,000 338,000 452,000 347,000 126,000 193,000
5 BONES Seven 1,362,000 348,000 365,000 258,000 178,000 213,000
6 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,319,000 309,000 350,000 296,000 160,000 204,000
7 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,313,000 327,000 324,000 340,000 127,000 195,000
8 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,296,000 329,000 358,000 268,000 164,000 178,000
9 LAST CHANCE SURGERY Seven 1,292,000 327,000 358,000 275,000 162,000 170,000
10 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,272,000 433,000 340,000 225,000 122,000 151,000
11 NCIS Ten 1,251,000 312,000 344,000 277,000 148,000 170,000
12 BORDER SECURITY -WED (R) Seven 1,233,000 334,000 340,000 256,000 136,000 167,000
13 MIDSOMER MURDERS ABC1 1,224,000 353,000 364,000 199,000 144,000 164,000
14 HIGHWAY PATROL Seven 1,217,000 338,000 319,000 242,000 136,000 182,000
15 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,211,000 312,000 332,000 261,000 136,000 170,000
16 SUNDAY NIGHT Seven 1,202,000 332,000 289,000 288,000 141,000 152,000
17 THE MENTALIST Nine 1,187,000 350,000 370,000 239,000 106,000 121,000
18 DESTROYED IN SECONDS Seven 1,166,000 317,000 280,000 239,000 148,000 183,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 06:43 AM
• Comments (53)

WHO WE ARE: Aesthetic enthusiasts or athletic supporters

To be shocked by what kids under 12 are watching on television, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 1/11/2009
Are we a sporty nation or an artsy fartsy nation? Even the dumbest terrorist posing as an asylum seeker would have no trouble answering that question as part of a border security check. But if he answered "sporty", he'd be caught out for following a myth instead of the facts.

Last week the Bureau of Statistics put out two reports that are likely to shake up the self-concept of Australians - Sports and Physical Recreation: A Statistical Overview and Arts and Culture in Australia: A Statistical Overview. From them we learn, for example, that 1.06 million people are employed in the arts and culture industry and only 75,155 people are employed in the sports and physical recreation industry.

Apparently 29,000 Australians earn money from working in libraries, 83,000 from designing websites, 53,000 from photography and 36,000 from furniture making and woodcraft. By contrast, the bureau notes "there were 18,558 persons employed by sport and camping equipment retailers and 4,039 persons employed by marine equipment retailers".

The bureau reveals that Australia earned $511 million in the 2007-208 financial year from exporting sports and physical recreation goods: "The category of Boats, yachts and other vessels for pleasure or sports ($289.7m) was the main contributor to the overall export figure, followed by Horses with $88.7m."

In the same year, says the bureau's other report, "Australia earned $915 million through the provision of cultural goods ($628m) and cultural and recreational services ($287m) to the rest of the world." And that's not even counting all those former Neighbours starlets who get bit parts in US dramas and send money home to mum.

Oh yes, I knew all that, says the terrorist, sweating under the interrogation lights, but this discussion is not about how Australians make money, it's about how they spend their leisure time -- surely more people go to the footy or the cricket than ponce about in art galleries and concert halls.

Aha, we've caught him on that fallacy as well. The bureau reports that 8 million people (or half the population aged over 14) attended at least one type of performing arts performance in the 12 months before they were interviewed: "One quarter (25 per cent) of the population had attended popular music concerts, while just under one-fifth had seen theatre performances (17 per cent) and musicals and operas (16 per cent)".

In addition, 23 per cent had been to an art gallery and 34 per cent had been to a library. And of course, 65 per cent of adults go to the movies at least once a year (though the suspect might well argue that you can hardly count Transformers and The Hangover as cultural experiences).

By contrast, the sports report reveals that 7.1 million or 44 per cent of Australians over 14 attend at least one sports event a year. The favourites are: Aussie rules matches (attended by 19 per cent of men and 12.5 per cent of women); horse racing (15 per cent of men, 11 per cent of women); motor sports (13, 6) rugby league (12, 7) and cricket (7,2).

Sorry to disappoint the terrorist, but he hasn't arrived in a land of jocks and yobbos. Apparently it's more realistic to see Australia as a land of aesthetes and connoisseurs.

Go to Comments to discuss whether we've underrated our artiness.

• by David Dale at 09:08 AM
• Comments (3)

The Who We Are update: Week 45

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To discuss whether it matters when "true" movies tell lies, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
Channel Seven won the week, needing no help from its offshoot 7TWO. Here's how OzTAM says the prime time audience shares broke up: SBS2 0.4; ONE 1.1; ABC2 1.4; 7TWO 1.7; GO 2.7; SBS1 5.1; ABC1 16.2; Ten 19.0; Nine 23.5; Seven 29.1.

You might expect that all this extra choice in free to air would be having some impact on Pay TV, but it's hard to spot any shrinkage in Pay's account of itself for the week: "On Tuesday night, New Zealand's Next Top Model had a series high audience of 113,000 people while The Contender Australia [Charlotte Dawson's boxing show -- anybody want to tell us what it's like?] premiered on Monday night with 98,000 viewers (both on FOX8). Midsomer Murders on UKTV was watched by 128,000 people, Relocation Relocation on Lifestyle had its biggest audience of the year so far with 100,000 people and Law & Order: SVU on TV1 was seen by 89,000 people.

"The thrilling fifth One Day International between India and Australia gave FOX Sports the best result of the series so far with 232,000 people watching Live: Cricket: ODI Ind v Aus 5th ODI S1. Live: Football: A-League Perth v Melb was watched by 85,000 people and Rugby League: Four Nations on Sunday morning was watched by 84,000 people (all on FOX Sports).

"In week 45, STV channels represented 21.3% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.7% of all regional viewing and 57.9% of all viewing in subscription TV homes." This may change once Foxtel and Austar begin delivering GO and 7TWO to their subscribers via cable and satellite.

What Australia watched, including the top digitals, week ending November 6
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 MELBOURNE CUP-THE RACE Seven 2,673,000 640,000 1,323,000 340,000 156,000 214,000
2 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 2,072,000 601,000 650,000 361,000 251,000 209,000
3 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,583,000 370,000 492,000 327,000 177,000 217,000
4 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE Seven 1,528,000 394,000 453,000 326,000 154,000 202,000
5 LAST CHANCE SURGERY Seven 1,514,000 359,000 483,000 305,000 175,000 192,000
6 BORDER SECURITY Seven 1,433,000 351,000 427,000 338,000 138,000 179,000
7 MIDSOMER MURDERS ABC1 1,426,000 406,000 405,000 242,000 176,000 197,000
8 TWO AND A HALF MEN -MON Nine 1,387,000 401,000 412,000 287,000 147,000 140,000
9 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,370,000 334,000 414,000 268,000 162,000 193,000
10 BONES Seven 1,356,000 339,000 380,000 273,000 171,000 193,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 05:57 PM
• Comments (60)

The Who We Are update: Week 44

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To judge if Australia is a land of jocks or aesthetes, go to Who We Are.
To be shocked by what kids under 12 are watching on television, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
The prime time audience shares for the week were: Seven&7TWO 28.8 per cent, Nine&GO 26.4, Ten&ONE 20.8, ABC1&2 18.4, SBS1&2 5.7.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "The Saturday night broadcast of the third one day international cricket test between Australia and India, Live: Cricket: ODI Ind v Aus 3rd ODI S1, topped the week for STV with 214,000 viewers. The FOX Sports' coverage of Live: Rugby Union: Bledisloe Cup was watched by 144,000 people, 66,000 watched Live: Cricket: Ford Ranger Cup and 65,000 watched Live: Football: A-League Bris v Newc (all on FOX Sports).

"Midsomer Murders on UKTV had its best result of the year with 133,000 viewers, The Simpsons on FOX8 was watched by 114,000, Law & Order: SVU on TV1 was watched by 111,000 and Location, Location, Location on Lifestyle had a year-to-date high of 104,000 people. Deadliest Catch on Discovery Channel was watched by 85,000 people, Go, Diego, Go! on Nick Jr. was watched by 78,000 and Ultimate Gamer on FOX8 had its best audience of the year so far with 70,000 people.

"In week 44, STV channels represented 21.6% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 20.7% of all regional viewing and 58% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending October 31
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,960,000 571,000 613,000 320,000 209,000 248,000
2 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,515,000 419,000 442,000 289,000 159,000 206,000
3 ALL SAINTS-THE FINALE Seven 1,505,000 459,000 472,000 233,000 158,000 184,000
4 LAST CHANCE SURGERY Seven 1,477,000 417,000 433,000 259,000 147,000 220,000
5 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE Seven 1,449,000 391,000 408,000 284,000 153,000 214,000
6 TWO AND A HALF MEN -MON Nine 1,438,000 419,000 418,000 299,000 126,000 176,000
7 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,397,000 368,000 421,000 256,000 174,000 178,000
8 MIDSOMER MURDERS ABC1 1,385,000 407,000 438,000 217,000 141,000 182,000
9 NCIS Ten 1,377,000 384,000 383,000 256,000 154,000 200,000
10 BORDER SECURITY - WED (R) Seven 1,359,000 396,000 338,000 271,000 153,000 201,000
11 BORDER SECURITY - AUSTRALIA'S FRONT LINE Seven 1,358,000 398,000 332,000 288,000 144,000 196,000
12 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,334,000 389,000 465,000 203,000 187,000 90,000
13 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,327,000 355,000 337,000 285,000 158,000 192,000
14 DESTROYED IN SECONDS Seven 1,300,000 357,000 381,000 234,000 132,000 196,000
15 HIGHWAY PATROL Seven 1,294,000 354,000 381,000 247,000 122,000 190,000
16 MEDICAL EMERGENCY Seven 1,286,000 330,000 341,000 286,000 130,000 199,000
17 20 TO 1 -TUE Nine 1,250,000 349,000 396,000 249,000 128,000 128,000
18 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,247,000 302,000 373,000 264,000 133,000 177,000
19 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,246,000 332,000 326,000 292,000 115,000 181,000
20 TWO AND A HALF MEN -WED Nine 1,228,000 290,000 432,000 276,000 88,000 141,000
21 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,226,000 317,000 321,000 269,000 132,000 188,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 05:22 PM
• Comments (60)

The Who We Are update: Week 43

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn why the music of 1969 is better than the music of 2009, go to The Tribal Mind.
To discuss the reliability of opinion polls, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
Without doing anything special in the way of new programming, Channel Nine won the week. That's because Ten is chipping away at Seven's audience. It might be a different story next month when Seven launches its new channel (go below for details and to offer your thoughts). The prime time audience shares were: SBS1&2 5.5 per cent; ABC1&2 18.7; Ten&ONE 21.1; Seven&7TWO 26.9; Nine&GO 27.9.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "The Simpsons on FOX8 topped the week on STV with 137,000 people, followed by Family Guy with 111,000 viewers and New Zealand's Next Top Model with 110,000 (both on FOX8). Erin Brockovich on TV1 had 106,000 people, The Outlaw Josey Wales on FOX Classics was watched by 100,000 and Grand Designs on Lifestyle was watched by 96,000.

"The FOX Sports' coverage of Live: Football: A-League Melb v Adel was watched by 77,000, the Newcastle/Central Coast football game Live: Football: A-league Newc v C'Coast was seen by 69,000 people and Live: Motorsport: Motogp Round 15, Australia was seen by 62,000 viewers. In week 43, STV channels represented 21.2% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 19.5% of all regional viewing and 56.6% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

Just for a change, What Rich Australians (Occupational groups 1 and 2) watched, week ending October 24
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 722,000 218,000 221,000 135,000 69,000 79,000
2 FLASHFORWARD Seven 550,000 179,000 143,000 82,000 69,000 77,000
3 CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 549,000 164,000 173,000 98,000 53,000 61,000
4 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 534,000 181,000 156,000 91,000 44,000 62,000
5 TWO AND A HALF MEN -MON Nine 525,000 122,000 162,000 133,000 35,000 73,000
6 NCIS Ten 514,000 123,000 121,000 136,000 52,000 82,000
7 THE FORCE Seven 506,000 116,000 135,000 99,000 47,000 110,000
8 20 TO 1 -TUE Nine 499,000 143,000 135,000 113,000 43,000 65,000
9 A TRIBUTE TO DON LANE Nine 491,000 165,000 130,000 94,000 56,000 47,000
10 BORDER SECURITY Seven 475,000 117,000 149,000 91,000 35,000 83,000
11 TWO AND A HALF MEN -WED Nine 475,000 125,000 133,000 119,000 45,000 53,000
12 AUSTRALIAN IDOL Ten 464,000 168,000 115,000 96,000 44,000 40,000
13 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 447,000 149,000 124,000 85,000 39,000 51,000
14 THE MENTALIST Nine 443,000 116,000 150,000 102,000 28,000 48,000
15 THE BIG BANG THEORY Nine 441,000 113,000 117,000 121,000 33,000 57,000
16 SECRET MILLIONAIRE Nine 438,000 149,000 112,000 92,000 37,000 47,000
17 ALL SAINTS Seven 428,000 133,000 129,000 79,000 42,000 45,000
18 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 423,000 102,000 113,000 101,000 39,000 67,000
19 TWO AND A HALF MEN -FRI Nine 419,000 100,000 143,000 99,000 36,000 41,000
20 GETAWAY Nine 417,000 120,000 129,000 81,000 39,000 48,000
21 THE 39 STEPS ABC1 414,000 142,000 149,000 55,000 31,000 38,000

• by David Dale at 09:36 AM
• Comments (65)

WHO WE ARE: Ask and ye shall be confused

To learn why the music of 1969 is better than the music of 2009, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 18/10/2009
SO FAR this year, 91 per cent of Australians have been asked if they would answer a few questions for some sort of poll, survey or research project. Of these, 83 per cent said yes.

Of these, 40 per cent terminated the conversation when they realized it was actually an attempt to sell them a holiday package, phone plan, or course in scientology. Of the rest, 85 per cent spent up to 15 minutes answering the questions honestly and thoughtfully, while 15 per cent had a great time yanking the interviewer's chain. Of the conscientious majority, 97 per cent will never find out the results of the research in which they participated.

As you've gathered, I made up all those statistics - just like most of the politicians, pundits and PR people who bombard the media every day with assertions about what "the average Australian" wants, buys, fears, believes and won't stand for.

We have no way of knowing how often the average Australian gets surveyed, because nobody has done a survey about it. My household has been phoned seven times in the past month by alleged survey companies, of which three seemed to be genuine. Australia is suffering surplus survey syndrome. We will have to declare this The Year of the Opinion Poll.

I always agree to participate in such research, and I hope everyone else does, because I use that kind of information in my journalism. Paradoxically, I was told that I was not needed by one of the pollsters as soon as I revealed that I was a journalist. Which made me suspect that whoever commissioned the poll did not want the world to know these questions were being asked - presumably because they planned to keep the data to themselves, or release only those results that suited their commercial or political agenda.

This column being about Australian identity, I keep track of all poll results that receive any kind of public release. Many are dodgy, because the sample size was too small or because there was a bias in the way the sample was selected. But from the reliable minority, here are a few examples of the insights we've gained this year into What Australians Believe:

Did Jesus rise from the dead? A survey of 2500 Australians, conducted for the Centre for Public Christianity, found 54 per cent saying yes. Asked if Jesus was a real figure, 11 per cent said no, 39 per cent said yes but he did not have divine powers, and 50 per cent said yes and he had divine powers. Asked when Jesus lived, 31 per cent said BC (before he was born).

Should gay people be allowed to marry? A Galaxy Research survey of 1100 people, commissioned by the lobby group Australian Marriage Equality, found 68 per cent of women and 53 per cent of men saying yes.

Is torture an acceptable way to gain information from enemy soldiers? A survey of 1,000 Australians, conducted for the Red Cross, found 40 per cent said yes. But 93 per cent said war crimes should be prosecuted.

Should women breastfeed in public? A Newspoll of 1000 men and women, commissioned by the Australian Lactation Consultants Association, found that 36 per cent said no. It also found 34 per cent say a baby should stop breastfeeding within six months, 39 per cent say within 12 months and only 10 per cent say between one and two years.

What are you having for dinner tonight? A Pollinate survey of 2000 people, conducted for Adelaide's Sunday Mail newspaper, got this answer: 1 Spaghetti bolognese; 2 Roast chicken and vegetables 3 Steak with salad or vegetables; 4 Fish with salad or vegetables; 5 Pizza. Farewell the meat pie as our national dish (for recipes, go to spag bol).

How long will Malcolm Turnbull survive? This is the question that currently obsesses the media. Last week it generated a tsunami of polling across the nation. All three major research agencies went into a phoning frenzy.

Nielsen asked 1400 voters their voting intention and this question: "Who is your preferred Liberal leader?" and got ALP 46 per cent and L-NP 37, and 33 per cent for Hockey, 31 for Turnbull, and 21 for Abbott. This caused The Sydney Morning Herald to lead its front page with this headline: "Hockey firms as voters' choice".

Newspoll asked 1153 voters their voting intention and this question: "Which one of the following do you think would be the best candidate to lead the Liberal Party?" and got ALP 47 and L-NP 36 and Hockey 24, Turnbull 32 and Abbott 16, causing The Australian to lead its front page with this headline: "Turnbull leadership boost".

Roy Morgan Research asked 549 voters their voting intention and this quesiton "If you were a Liberal or National Party voter and helping to choose the Coalition leader for the next electon, who would you prefer?" and got ALP 46.5 and LNP 37 and Hockey 30, Turnbull 21, Abbott 17, Julie Bishop 9, Andrew Robb 4 and Christopher Pyne 2, causing Gary Morgan to headline his report: "Liberal voters prefer Hockey to Turnbull".

Gary Morgan thinks the variation between poll results is explainable by the ways the question was asked. Newspoll's use of the phrase "best candidate to lead the Liberal Party" raises the problem of what the word "best" means to the person interviewed. Morgan wonders: "Does 'best' mean 'best' for Australia? Or 'best' for the Liberal Party? Or 'best' for an elector's needs."

For Labor voters, the best Liberal candidate might be the one most likely to lose the next election. But how many of the 46.5 per cent who said they will vote Labor interpreted the leadership question in that Machiavellian way?

(Morgan also points out that surveys conducted by phone are less reliable than face to face interviews, because they do not reach the very poor: "Face-to-face polls include non-telephone owners, of whom significantly more vote ALP than L-NP," he says. I have my doubts about this. Nowadays, many young adults don't bother to have a landline connected because they conduct their communications on mobiles, at vast expense. A random sample of people whose home numbers can be found in the phone book is likely to under-represent the young and rich as much as the old and homeless.)

You have to feel sorry for Nielsen, Newspoll and Morgan. After paying a fortune to Telstra, the researchers have left everybody more confused than ever on the Turnbull question.

In this Year Of The Poll, we need to help them. The next time someone asks if you'd mind answering a few questions, set two conditions: "Only if you'll call me back and tell me the final results" and "Only if you'll let me explain how I'm interpreting the questions and what my responses mean." That should get the interviewer off the phone and you back to your dinner pretty quickly.

Go to Comments to tell us your experience with pollsters

• by David Dale at 10:55 PM
• Comments (14)

The Who We Are update: Week 42

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To discuss the reliability of opinion polls, go to Who We Are.
To discuss if erecting a Big Thing means a town has a small penis, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
In a rare moment of full and frank disclosure, Channel Nine has released a rundown of how the stations have been attracting audiences this year. In the course of that report, Nine also reveals the name of the new digital station which Seven intends to launch in November. Apparently it will be called TBA. Here is the essence of Nine's roundup ...

Prime time audience shares for the week ending October 17: SBS1 5.1 per cent, SBS2 0.4; ABC2 15.9, ABC1 1.2; Ten 20.2, ONE 1.6; Nine 24.1, GO 2.4; Seven 29.0, TBA 0.0.
Prime time audience shares for the ratings year so far:
SBS1&2 5.9
ABC1&2 17.0
Ten&ONE 22.7
Nine&GO 26.6
Seven&TBA 27.8.

BUT for the year so far, Nine has the biggest share of viewers aged 25-54 and Ten has the biggest share of viewers aged 16-39.

Of course, all the percentages above are shares of free to air viewing. The numbers reduce if you include Pay TV in the mix. Across the mainland capitals each week, about 20 per cent of all viewing is to subscription channels. The shares above are shares of the other 80 per cent. This was Pay's account of itself for the week:

"The FOX Sports' coverage of the Asian Cup qualifier, Live: Football: AFC Asian Cup Qualifier Aus v Oman topped the week on subscription TV with 248,000 viewers. Live: Football: A-League Adel v Sydney was watched by 73,000, Live: Football: EPL A Villa v Chelsea was seen by 68,000 and Live: Cricket: Ford Ranger Cup was seen by 68,000 people (all on FOX Sports).

"New Zealand's Next Top Model premiered on FOX8 with 111,000 viewers, NCIS on TV1 was watched by 99,000 people, Stargate: Universe on Sci Fi was seen by 90,000 and Grand Designs on Lifestyle was viewed by 87,000 people. Doc Martin on UKTV had its biggest audience of the year so far with 81,000 viewers, Law & Order on W was watched by 76,000 and 71,000 people saw Dora the Explorer on Nick Jr.

"In week 42, STV channels represented 20.6% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 19.6% of all regional viewing and 55.1% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

Just for a change, what viewers aged over 55 watched, week ending October 17
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 766,000 191,000 182,000 210,000 80,000 104,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 735,000 187,000 217,000 134,000 96,000 101,000
3 ABC NEWS-SU ABC1 732,000 217,000 225,000 135,000 74,000 81,000
4 ABC NEWS-SA ABC1 720,000 208,000 233,000 121,000 73,000 85,000
5 FOUR CORNERS ABC1 683,000 198,000 178,000 136,000 61,000 110,000
6 LAST CHANCE SURGERY Seven 677,000 146,000 221,000 137,000 86,000 88,000
7 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 676,000 175,000 192,000 133,000 84,000 91,000
8 AUSTRALIAN STORY ABC1 672,000 220,000 185,000 123,000 61,000 83,000
9 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 672,000 162,000 197,000 135,000 96,000 83,000
10 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 668,000 139,000 220,000 136,000 83,000 90,000
11 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 656,000 150,000 157,000 173,000 72,000 104,000
12 JONATHAN CREEK: THE GRINNING MAN ABC1 652,000 207,000 185,000 104,000 71,000 86,000
13 ABC NEWS ABC1 635,000 193,000 194,000 112,000 56,000 80,000
14 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 630,000 168,000 170,000 122,000 87,000 82,000
15 BORDER SECURITY Seven 626,000 203,000 147,000 130,000 72,000 74,000
16 HEART AND SOUL ABC1 618,000 171,000 187,000 96,000 78,000 86,000
17 HUNTER ABC1 609,000 198,000 179,000 96,000 71,000 65,000
18 THE BILL ABC1 590,000 178,000 160,000 91,000 76,000 85,000
19 GANGES ABC1 583,000 161,000 150,000 126,000 69,000 77,000

• by David Dale at 08:49 AM
• Comments (65)

WHO WE ARE: The musts and the maybes

To design the perfect TV channel, go to The Tribal Mind

A column about identity by David Dale
To be a good and true Aussie, there are some things you absolutely must know about this country, and there are some things you probably should know but don't really need to. The borderline between these two states of wisdom is about to shift, so that, for example, Don Bradman will move from essential knowledge to optional trivia.

From October 19, the test that must be taken by anyone wanting to become a citizen will be based on a new booklet called "Australian Citizenship: Our Common Bond", written since Kevin Rudd came to power. Before October 19, anyone applying for citizenship must take a test based on a booklet called "Becoming An Australian Citizen", written while John Howard was in power.

The rewrite was designed to reflect how Australian attitudes have changed since the Howard decade, and the books are so different that pre-October 19 citizens may have some difficulty communicating with post October 19 citizens. It's not just that in the Howard booklet, Bradman, cyclist Hubert Opperman and billiards player Walter Lindrum were testable items while the Rudd booklet moves Bradman to a non-testable section at the back, and dumps Oppy and Lindrum altogether.

This column has compared the two texts, and come up with a test of how well you understand the subtle differences between late 90s thinking and late Noughties thinking. Here's how to play: print out this page, grab a pencil and put the letter H (for Howard booklet) or R (for Rudd rewrite) against each of these quotes.

1 "Australian citizenship is more than a ceremony. It is at the heart of Australia's national identity in the 21st century, as a nation at ease with the world and with itself."

2 "The workers turned to politics and in 1891 created the Labor Party whose first task was to restore and improve the workers' wages and conditions. There was a degree of sympathy from many middle class people for the plight of the workers, for everyone believed that in Australia there should be no poverty and no harsh conflicts."

3 "The Liberals were suspicious of government and encouraged individual enterprise while the more radical wanted to roll back the level of government activity. "

4 "It is a serious crime to bribe a police officer. It is a crime to even offer a bribe to a police officer."

5 "The colonists, like most people then, believed that there were differences between races and that the Chinese were inferior, but they also did not want a society with deep divisions or where foreign outcasts worked for low wages and lowered the dignity of all labour."

6 "We value our vibrant and skilled workforce."

7 "Many of the Aboriginal people in these remote locations do not live well. This is a great dilemma facing Australian society. Australia faces an ongoing challenge to ensure that the Aboriginal people fully share in the life and prosperity of the nation."

8 "The dry inland areas are called 'the outback'. There is great respect for people who live and work in these remote and harsh environments. Many of them have become part of Australian folklore. "

9 "In Australia, there is a spirit of 'mateship'. This means we help and receive help from each other in times of need. A mate is often a friend, but can also be a total stranger. A mate might take a meal to an elderly neighbour, drive a friend to a medical appointment or visit someone who is lonely. "

10 "Queen Elizabeth II has been a strong, stable presence throughout her long and popular reign".

11 "You can walk the desert or the shore, the mountains or the rainforests. Every step you take is a step closer to belonging to this vast and vibrant land."

12 "Over the years, the Eureka rebellion has become a symbol of protest and our belief in a fair go."

13 "The gaining of democratic reforms would have happened without the Eureka rebellion, but over the years it has become a symbol of protest and popular rights."

14 "Sir Donald Bradman was the greatest cricket batsman of all time. He was small and slight but amazingly quick on his feet, playing his shots almost like a machine. Among all Australian sporting heroes, Bradman is the best known."

15 "Sir Donald Bradman is the greatest cricket batsman of all-time and is an Australian sporting legend. He was slight but amazingly quick on his feet. Sir Donald Bradman, known as 'The Don', is recognised as the world's best ever batsman."

Go below for the answers and to discuss whether this is the sort of material we should be teaching our new citizens

• by David Dale at 02:44 PM
• Comments (8)

The Who We Are update: Week 41

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn why daggy is the new black, go to The Tribal Mind.
To test if you're a good and true Australian, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
A combination of biffo and Hey Hey It's Golliwogs (with both reunions repeated on GO - six hours of vintage television) gave Channel Nine a convincing win for the week. The prime time audience shares were: Nine&GO 31.1 per cent, Seven&Still-no-new-station-because-they-keep-farting-around-(but click-here-to-see-what-Seven-should-be-doing) 26.2, Ten&ONE 19.6, ABC1&2 17.8, SBS1&2 5.3.

And this was Pay TV's account of itself: "The Australian premiere of Stargate: Universe on Sci Fi was seen by 149,000 people, giving the channel its biggest audience ever. In this new series, a team of scientists and soldiers journey through the universe on the Ancient ship Destiny. In other entertainment programming this week, America's Next Top Model on FOX8 was watched by 129,000 and NCIS on TV1 was viewed by 98,000. The Inspector Lynley Mysteries on UKTV had its best result for 2009 so far with 97,000 viewers, Property Ladder on Lifestyle drew 96,000 people and The Silence of the Lambs premiered on FOX Classics with 82,000.

"The FOX Sports coverage of the 'friendly' between the Australian and Dutch football teams, Live: Football: International, topped the week on subscription TV with 208,000 viewers. In other sport, Live: Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy Final Aus v NZ was watched by 109,000, 94,000 people saw Live: Football: A-League Melb v Sydney (both on FOX Sports) and Sky Racing on Sky Raceday was seen by 74,000 people.

"In week 41, STV channels represented 20.3% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 19.9% of all regional viewing and 54.7% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending October 10
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 RUGBY LEAGUE GRAND FINAL Nine 2,528,000 1,163,000 682,000 563,000 54,000 66,000
2 HEY HEY REUNION -EP2 Nine 2,213,000 609,000 874,000 351,000 186,000 194,000
3 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,772,000 422,000 672,000 400,000 136,000 143,000
4 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,756,000 449,000 572,000 311,000 215,000 207,000
5 MIDSOMER MURDERS-SU ABC1 1,508,000 443,000 487,000 214,000 154,000 210,000
6 LAST CHANCE SURGERY Seven 1,490,000 348,000 454,000 319,000 170,000 199,000
7 FLASHFORWARD Seven 1,469,000 516,000 360,000 254,000 176,000 163,000
8 TWO AND A HALF MEN -MON Nine 1,466,000 329,000 534,000 321,000 125,000 157,000
9 NCIS Ten 1,453,000 409,000 416,000 283,000 155,000 190,000
10 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,414,000 304,000 425,000 305,000 179,000 201,000
11 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,343,000 443,000 355,000 229,000 170,000 147,000
12 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,336,000 351,000 378,000 265,000 157,000 185,000
13 60 MINUTES Nine 1,336,000 374,000 451,000 267,000 128,000 116,000
14 RUGBY LEAGUE GRAND FINAL ENTERTAINMENT Nine 1,328,000 665,000 283,000 326,000 20,000 35,000
15 RUGBY LEAGUE GRAND FINAL PRESENTATION Nine 1,317,000 764,000 Not shown 490,000 Not shown 63,000
16 HIGHWAY PATROL Seven 1,295,000 393,000 405,000 200,000 146,000 152,000
17 DESTROYED IN SECONDS Seven 1,294,000 415,000 375,000 204,000 144,000 156,000

• by David Dale at 11:06 AM
• Comments (84)

The Who We Are update: Week 40

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To test if you're a good and true Australian, go to Who We Are.
For the winners in our contest to design the perfect TV channel, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10am Monday
Even before the grand final, Channel Nine won the week -- with much help from its baby channel GO and its nostalgiafest Hey Hey It's A Mob of Geriatrics. The prime time audience shares were: Nine&GO 28.3, Seven&Still-no-new-station-because-they-keep-farting-around-but click-to here-to-see-what-Seven-should-be-doing 28.3, Ten&ONE 20.1, ABC1&2 17.8, SBS1&2 5.3.

"In week 40, subscription TV was the number one source of TV across Australia. STV channels represented 21.8% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.2% of all regional viewing and 57.2% of all viewing in subscription TV homes.

"America's Next Top Model topped the week with 158,000 viewers seeing the live broadcast on FOX8 and a total of 224,000 people watching the program on Tuesday night when viewers to the delayed broadcast on FOX8+2 are included. Disney Channel's Hannah Montana achieved a year-to-date high with 140,000 viewers, NCIS on TV1 was watched by 117,000 people and The Dark Knight premiered on Movie One with 110,000 viewers. WWE Smackdown! on FOX8 also had a year's best result with 96,000, WALL-E premiered on Disney Channel with 84,000 people, M*A*S*H on FOX Classics was watched by 79,000 people, Eastenders on UKTV was seen by 71,000 people and Kirstie's Homemade Home premiered on Lifestyle with 61,000 viewers."

"Live: Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy on Friday night was seen by 136,000 people, Live: AFL: On The Couch was viewed by 128,000 people and 85,000 watched Live: Football: A-League Melb v Brisb (all on FOX Sports). Sky Raceday on Sky Racing was seen by 81,000 people."

Just for a change, what viewers 16-39 watched, week ending October 2
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 HEY HEY REUNION Nine 687,000 211,000 231,000 113,000 52,000 79,000
2 FLASHFORWARD Seven 622,000 198,000 173,000 114,000 66,000 71,000
3 CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 524,000 127,000 204,000 73,000 60,000 60,000
4 NCIS Ten 518,000 132,000 134,000 125,000 65,000 61,000
5 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 495,000 182,000 143,000 70,000 40,000 60,000
6 GLEE THURS Ten 459,000 127,000 125,000 87,000 43,000 78,000
7 TWO AND A HALF MEN -EP2 Nine 439,000 124,000 142,000 81,000 42,000 50,000
8 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE Seven 435,000 132,000 132,000 92,000 29,000 50,000
9 HIGHWAY PATROL Seven 434,000 123,000 134,000 91,000 37,000 49,000
10 BORDER SECURITY Seven 401,000 116,000 116,000 99,000 28,000 42,000
11 TWO AND A HALF MEN -EP1 Nine 400,000 118,000 143,000 69,000 30,000 40,000
12 AUSTRALIAN IDOL Ten 400,000 119,000 116,000 84,000 45,000 36,000
13 GOOD NEWS WEEK Ten 388,000 119,000 123,000 80,000 36,000 29,000
14 20 TO 1 -TUE Nine 383,000 111,000 113,000 84,000 36,000 39,000
15 MERCY Seven 381,000 90,000 135,000 73,000 36,000 47,000
16 RUSH Ten 350,000 100,000 124,000 69,000 24,000 33,000
17 BORDER SECURITY-MON Seven 346,000 95,000 98,000 69,000 42,000 42,000
18 TOP GEAR SBS ONE 329,000 97,000 99,000 68,000 33,000 32,000
19 NCIS RPT Ten 328,000 80,000 101,000 63,000 45,000 37,000
20 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION SUN RPT Ten 327,000 97,000 83,000 81,000 43,000 24,000
21 ROVE Ten 325,000 93,000 113,000 58,000 27,000 35,000
22 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 321,000 99,000 84,000 52,000 35,000 50,000
23 NCIS: LOS ANGELES Ten 321,000 87,000 77,000 72,000 40,000 45,000

• by David Dale at 10:52 PM
• Comments (112)

WHO WE ARE: The national dish

To help create the perfect television station, go to The Tribal Mind.
For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

by David Dale
How reassuring that research has finally confirmed what this column has been asserting for years -- that spag bol has replaced meat pie as The National Dish (go here for earlier discussion).

The question was "What are you having for dinner tonight?" A Pollinate survey of 2000 people, conducted for Adelaide's Sunday Mail newspaper, got this answer: 1 Spaghetti bolognese; 2 Roast chicken and vegetables 3 Steak with salad or vegetables; 4 Fish with salad or vegetables; 5 Pizza.

I'd actually been wondering whether, by now, pad Thai noodles would have the strongest claim to the title "Australia's national dish". But it would be more accurate to call them "the national takeaway", while spag bol is the king of home cooking.

Next we need a new survey to ascertain the preferred recipe of the majority of consumers -- beef and tomatoes, obviously, but what percentage include celery, carrot, bacon, oregano, thyme, red wine, onions or garlic?

Go to Comments to join this column's totally unreliable survey. Give us your perfect recipe for The National Dish.

• by David Dale at 06:03 PM
• Comments (4)

The Who We Are update: Week 39

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To discuss if Packed to the Rafters is too self-indulgent, go to The Tribal Mind.
To offer your recipe for Australia's National Dish, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 9am Monday
If GO were counted as a separate station, then Channel Seven won the week. Since GO is counted as part of Channel Nine for audience share purposes, we have to say that a combination of GO and biffo won the week for Nine -- but only just. The prime time shares were: Nine and GO 28.4 per cent; Seven 28.1; TEN and ONE 21.2; ABC1&2 17.0; SBS1&2 5.3.

If you're wondering how TEN could have done so poorly when on Saturday it had the second-most-watched program of the year, bear in mind that the AFL grand final did not occur in prime time. Although the OzTAM chart shows the GF getting 2.7 million, Ten is saying the match itself averaged 2.88m, and was the most watched GF of all time in Melbourne. To see how the audience for this year's GF compares with the audience records across the mainland capitals, go to The TV shows Australia loved.

Now here's your challenge: since the NRL grand final this year involves a Melbourne team against a Sydney team, will it pick up enough Melbourne viewers to outrate the AFL grand final across the mainland capitals? After all, the AFL grand final has done best in years when the Sydney Swans have been involved. Go to Comments to register your prediction for the biffo audience.

And this was Pay TV's account of itself: "Family Guy topped the week in subscription TV with 136,000 viewers for the Tuesday night broadcast on FOX8. NCIS on TV1 was seen by 127,000 viewers, America's Next Top Model on FOX8 was seen by 117,000 and the movie Notting Hill on TV1 had its best result of the year with 116,000 people. The Disney Channel original movie Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie was seen by 103,000 viewers, Property Ladder on Lifestyle was seen by 83,000 viewers and the premiere of CIA: Cop Killer: The Winchester Assassination on Crime & Investigation was watched by 82,000 people.

"Saturday evening's broadcast of the ICC cricket contest, Live: Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy was seen by 99,000 people, Live: Rugby League: Toyota Cup was viewed by 82,000 people and 71,000 fans tuned in to watch one of the great Manchester Premier League derbies, Live: Football: EPL Man Utd v Man City (all on FOX Sports).

"In week 39, STV channels represented 19.6% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 20.1% of all regional viewing and 53.1% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending September 26
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TEN'S AFL FINALS 2009: GRAND FINAL ST KILDA V GEELONG Ten 2,704,000 309,000 1,426,000 254,000 403,000 312,000
2 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,766,000 542,000 532,000 268,000 198,000 226,000
3 HIGHWAY PATROL Seven 1,698,000 390,000 637,000 283,000 195,000 194,000
4 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,512,000 399,000 396,000 344,000 181,000 192,000
5 THE 2009 GRAND FINAL PRE MATCH ENTERTAINMENT Ten 1,505,000 120,000 920,000 92,000 225,000 147,000
6 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,501,000 391,000 451,000 266,000 186,000 207,000
7 MIDSOMER MURDERS-SU ABC1 1,479,000 436,000 470,000 220,000 150,000 203,000
8 BORDER SECURITY - AUSTRALIA'S FRONT LINE Seven 1,432,000 438,000 408,000 268,000 156,000 162,000
9 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,414,000 378,000 381,000 269,000 187,000 199,000
10 LAST CHANCE SURGERY Seven 1,394,000 389,000 411,000 240,000 164,000 190,000
11 RUGBY LEAGUE FINAL SERIES PF2 Nine 1,353,000 578,000 324,000 431,000 13,000 7,000
12 TWO AND A HALF MEN -WED Nine 1,344,000 348,000 433,000 271,000 136,000 156,000
13 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE Seven 1,341,000 419,000 375,000 251,000 146,000 149,000
14 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,333,000 352,000 362,000 260,000 169,000 190,000
15 WORLD'S STRICTEST PARENTS-UK Seven 1,319,000 377,000 354,000 235,000 182,000 172,000
16 SUNDAY NIGHT Seven 1,308,000 349,000 355,000 262,000 161,000 181,000
17 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,275,000 355,000 284,000 274,000 162,000 200,000
18 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,217,000 374,000 356,000 203,000 149,000 134,000
19 GETAWAY Nine 1,164,000 307,000 435,000 163,000 125,000 134,000
20 NINE NEWS Nine 1,162,000 333,000 359,000 230,000 130,000 111,000
21 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,158,000 316,000 308,000 216,000 158,000 161,000
22 CITY HOMICIDE-WED Seven 1,154,000 334,000 343,000 192,000 122,000 163,000

• by David Dale at 08:45 AM
• Comments (66)

WHO WE ARE: The marsupial messiah

For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

A column by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 10/09/2009
THERE'S every good reason for Australians to eat kangaroos (healthier than beef or lamb for both the consumer and the environment) and only one reason why we don't: The Skippy Complex. Half of this country's population is over the age of 37, which means that in their youth they were saturated with a TV series in which a superintelligent mammal regularly saved humans from death, deception and wrongful imprisonment. Some 10 million Australians are pathologically incapable of sinking their teeth into a creature they see as the dolphin of the land.

This misplaced sentimentality will be challenged when the ABC shows a documentary called Skippy, Australia's First Superstar. It reports that between 1967 and 1969, Fauna Productions made 91 episodes of a series that presented the kangaroo as the next best thing to Batman. Initially shown on Channel Nine on Monday nights, Skippy The Bush Kangaroo was repeated endlessly in Australia for the next 20 years and went on to be seen by 300 million people in 128 countries.

In the process it became a merchandising phenomenon, generating toys, pyjamas, icecreams, ashtrays, jewellery, soap, talcum powder, comics, jellybeans, rulers, pencils, puzzles, toothpaste, T-shirts, towels, soft drinks, moneyboxes and corn flakes. And a mythical view of marsupials.

The only Western nation which resisted the roo's relentless rollout was Sweden, which politely declined to show the series because it might give children "a misleading impression of an animal's abilities". What? Just because Skippy can make phone calls, open a safe, handle the controls of a helicopter, play the piano and the drums, and communicate at a level of sophistication rarely achieved by a 12 year old human being?

(Sample dialogue, after Skippy brings an engine part to ranger Tony Bonner ...
Skippy: Tchk tchk tchk.
Bonner: It's from Jim!
Skippy: Tchk tchk tchk.
Bonner: He's in trouble, his car's broken down, he can't get to the show! Is that it, Skip?
Skippy: Tchk tchk tchk.
Bonner: Come on, Skip, we haven't much time.)

In the documentary, various animal wranglers reveal that kangaroos are impossible to train, because they are "dumber than sheep". Their acting range is limited to sitting still, looking around and hopping away, so the producers filmed 14 different animals in the hope of capturing enough variety of movement to fit with script needs. Before any scene, the chosen roo was kept in a hessian bag, so that she (yes, Skippy was female) would emerge dazed and compliant for a couple of minutes before making her escape.

Skippy's astonishing dexterity was achieved by filming close-ups of paws on sticks manipulated by puppeteers. Skippy's vocalizations came from a human with a tongue in his cheek. The sounds were matched to mouth movements achieved by putting dry grass, chewing gum or a rubber band in the star's mouth.

This is not to suggest that the documentary (to be shown on ABC1 at 8.30pm on September 17) is a scathing expose. It's an affectionate look at Australia's first venture into international program-making, and at how Skippy paved the way for more versatile actresses such as Nicole Kidman, Toni Collette, Cate Blanchett and Rachel Griffiths. But it may serve as a reality check which allows a less romanticised view of an animal whose flavour far exceeds its intelligence.

Go to Comments to discuss why Australians sentimentalise their fauna.

To estimate the IQ of our politicians and personalities, go to The Tribal Mind.

• by David Dale at 09:45 AM
• Comments (46)

The Who We Are update: Week 37

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To discuss the future of science fiction, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 9am Monday
One day can make all the difference. Until Saturday, Channel Seven was winning the week, but Saturday night's audience boost for Channel Nine (with tiny help from GO) led to these audience shares for the week: Nine and GO 28.1 per cent; Seven 27.9 per cent; Ten and ONE 20.8; ABC1 and ABC2 1.3; SBS and SBSTWO 5.8.

This was Pay TV's account of itself (and it's worth comparing these audience numbers with the numbers for the digital channels in the chart below): "On Tuesday night, 165,000 viewers watched Jarryd Hayne of the Parramatta Eels win the Dally M Player of the Year Award in Live: Rugby League: Dally M Awards. Twenty four hours earlier, 96,000 viewers saw Gary Ablett Jr. of Geelong awarded the AFL players' MVP trophy in AFL: Players Association Awards (both on FOX Sports). Live: NRL Broncos v Raiders was watched by 221,000 people, 111,000 people saw South Africa win the Tri Nations cup by beating New Zealand in Live: Rugby Union: Tri Nations and 82,000 watched Live: Cricket: ODI Eng v Aus 2nd ODI (all on FOX Sports).

"America's Next Top Model on FOX8 was watched by 147,000 people, NCIS on TV1 was seen by 110,000 people, and Project Runway Australia on Arena was viewed by 107,000 people. Hannah Montana on Disney Channel was viewed by 90,000 people, Garden Angels on Lifestyle had its best result year-to-date with 72,000 viewers and Nightmare Nannies premiered on Crime & Investigation with 65,000 viewers.

"In week 37, STV channels represented 21.1% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 20.4% of all regional viewing and 55.3% of all viewing in subscription TV homes. "

What Australia watched, week ending September 12
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,913,000 539,000 594,000 321,000 208,000 252,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,644,000 374,000 628,000 303,000 160,000 177,000
3 DANCING WITH THE STARS 9 - GRAND FINAL Seven 1,573,000 452,000 455,000 318,000 151,000 197,000
4 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 1,461,000 514,000 428,000 264,000 118,000 138,000
5 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,452,000 391,000 417,000 274,000 159,000 211,000
6 WORLD'S STRICTEST PARENTS Seven 1,395,000 417,000 439,000 240,000 151,000 149,000
7 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,388,000 376,000 403,000 269,000 144,000 197,000
8 HAMISH AND ANDY'S AMERICAN CARAVAN OF COURAGE Ten 1,307,000 283,000 500,000 258,000 116,000 150,000
9 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,295,000 378,000 462,000 212,000 148,000 96,000
10 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 1,272,000 320,000 455,000 232,000 102,000 162,000
11 CITY HOMICIDE-MON Seven 1,262,000 356,000 399,000 210,000 123,000 175,000
12 THE FARMER WANTS A WIFE Nine 1,256,000 321,000 425,000 246,000 111,000 153,000
13 TWO AND A HALF MEN -WED Nine 1,238,000 320,000 385,000 268,000 119,000 145,000
14 20 TO 1 -RPT Nine 1,227,000 335,000 407,000 208,000 116,000 160,000
15 WORLD FOOD SPECTACULAR Seven 1,226,000 342,000 368,000 240,000 124,000 152,000
16 20 TO 1 -THU Nine 1,208,000 366,000 347,000 209,000 126,000 159,000
17 60 MINUTES Nine 1,204,000 382,000 378,000 240,000 96,000 109,000
18 TEN'S AFL FINALS 2009: 1ST SEMI FINAL COLL V ADEL Ten 1,202,000 80,000 536,000 64,000 330,000 193,000
19 SEVEN'S AFL: SEMI-FINAL 2: WESTERN BULLDOGS V BRISBANE LIONS Seven 1,187,000 79,000 580,000 165,000 184,000 179,000

• by David Dale at 07:52 AM
• Comments (62)

The Who We Are update: What women watch (Week 38)

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To offer your recipe for Australia's National Dish, go to Who We Are.
To help create the perfect television station, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10am Monday
These were the prime time audience shares for the week: Nine and GO 28.9 per cent, Seven 27.5 per cent, Ten and ONE 20.7, ABC1&2 17.7, SBS1&2 5.2. This was Pay TV's account of itself: "Melbourne designer Anthony Capon defeated William Lazootin and Lauren Vieyra in the finale of the designer competition, Project Runway Australia: Finale. The Wednesday night broadcast on Arena achieved a season high 191,000 viewers for the second series of the program. America's Next Top Model on FOX8 was watched by 157,000 people, NCIS on TV1 was seen by 143,000 subscribers, The Simpsons on Fox 8 133,000 and the Disney Channel premiere of Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie was watched by 119,000 people. Deadliest Catch on Discovery Channel had a year-to-date biggest audience of 118,000 people, Property Ladder on Lifestyle was viewed by 101,000 people and Summer Heights High on Comedy Channel was seen by 60,000 people.

"Live: Rugby Union: Bledisloe Cup on FOX Sports was seen by 132,000 viewers, AFL: On the Couch was watched by 112,000 people and the AFL: All Australian team was announced on Monday night to 95,000 viewers (all on FOX Sports). Sky Racing's coverage of the spring racing carnival on Saturday, Sky Raceday, was seen by 87,000 viewers.

"In week 38, STV channels represented 21.3% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 20.4% of all regional viewing and 55.2% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

Just for a change, what women aged 25-54 watched, week ending September 19
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 546,000 188,000 147,000 83,000 55,000 74,000
2 THE FARMER WANTS A WIFE -FINALE Nine 534,000 140,000 185,000 109,000 40,000 60,000
3 THE FARMER WANTS A WIFE Nine 452,000 115,000 155,000 98,000 33,000 51,000
4 WORLD'S STRICTEST PARENTS-UK Seven 426,000 130,000 122,000 70,000 54,000 49,000
5 20 TO 1 -RPT Nine 363,000 116,000 119,000 57,000 28,000 43,000
6 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 354,000 113,000 99,000 72,000 31,000 40,000
7 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 349,000 99,000 113,000 72,000 36,000 29,000
8 LAST CHANCE SURGERY Seven 347,000 116,000 95,000 64,000 30,000 42,000
9 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 347,000 131,000 104,000 66,000 29,000 16,000
10 60 MINUTES Nine 346,000 100,000 114,000 67,000 34,000 30,000
11 ALL SAINTS Seven 342,000 124,000 103,000 46,000 31,000 38,000
12 AFL: PRELIMINARY FINAL 1: ST KILDA V WESTERN BULLDOG Seven 341,000 26,000 211,000 18,000 51,000 33,000

• by David Dale at 07:49 AM
• Comments (73)

The Who We Are update: Week 35

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn how Skippy brainwashed Australia, go to Who We Are.
To estimate the IQ of our politicians and personalities, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
The new digital station GO may be attracting less than 2 per cent of the viewing audience most days, but it is helping its parent, Channel Nine, to increase its total share for the week. Here's the prime time audience breakup among the parent networks (with Nine incorporating GO, Ten incorporating ONE, and ABC incorporating ABC2): Seven 27.8 per cent, Nine 27.3, Ten 21.8, ABC 17.8, SBS 5.2.

It's interesting that the advent of GO, ONE and ABC2 does not seem to be cutting into the audiences for Pay TV. In Pay TV's account of itself for the week, compare the audience sizes with GO's numbers in the charts below: "Various television fathers, including Homer Simpson of The Simpsons and Peter Griffin of Family Guy helped subscription TV become the number one television choice in the week leading up to Father's Day. In week 36, subscription TV channels represented 21.9% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.8% of all regional viewing and 56.4% of all viewing in subscription TV homes.

"NCIS on TV1, with Leroy Gibbs as the team's father figure, was watched by 130,000 people, The Simpsons on FOX8 was seen by 125,000 people and Family Guy (FOX8) was seen by 121,000 viewers. In other entertainment programming, series seven of Property Ladder on Lifestyle drew a year-to-date highest audience for the program with 105,000 viewers; Project Runway Australia on Arena was seen by 102,000 people and Deadliest Catch on Discovery Channel by 82,000 subscribers.

"AFL topped the week with 263,000 people watching Live: AFL Collingwood v Western Bulldogs, Live: NRL Raiders v Knights was viewed by 253,000 people and Live: AFL: On the Couch had its best ever result with 170,000 viewers (all on FOX Sports). The FOX Sports coverage of the thrilling Tri-Nation match between the Wallabies and Springboks, Live: Rugby Union: Tri Nations, was seen by 146,000 and Sky Raceday on Sky Racing was seen by 63,000 people."

What Australia watched, week ending September 6
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,943,000 587,000 590,000 326,000 198,000 242,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,686,000 438,000 506,000 336,000 166,000 240,000
3 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,563,000 440,000 513,000 264,000 156,000 189,000
4 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,493,000 410,000 417,000 298,000 165,000 203,000
5 MIDSOMER MURDERS-SUN ABC1 1,491,000 445,000 466,000 228,000 179,000 172,000
6 DANCING WITH THE STARS 9 Seven 1,401,000 430,000 382,000 293,000 129,000 167,000
7 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,397,000 366,000 393,000 294,000 141,000 202,000
8 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,393,000 414,000 414,000 291,000 165,000 110,000
9 CITY HOMICIDE-MON Seven 1,389,000 397,000 446,000 219,000 141,000 187,000
10 TWO AND A HALF MEN -WED Nine 1,360,000 337,000 458,000 306,000 128,000 132,000
11 SURF PATROL Seven 1,354,000 352,000 390,000 276,000 151,000 184,000
12 20 TO 1 Nine 1,337,000 413,000 371,000 256,000 138,000 158,000
13 MONEY FOR JAM Nine 1,332,000 340,000 457,000 288,000 122,000 124,000
14 AIR WAYS Seven 1,310,000 351,000 388,000 260,000 136,000 175,000
15 WORLD'S STRICTEST PARENTS-UK Seven 1,307,000 403,000 321,000 274,000 144,000 165,000

• by David Dale at 02:21 AM
• Comments (83)

The Who We Are update: Week 33

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn why Australians are going back to the stone age in their digital viewing, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
These were the prime time audience shares at the end of a week without Talkin' 'Bout Your Generation: SBS2 0.4 per cent; ONE 1.1; ABC2 1.4; GO 1.7; SBS 5.6 per cent; ABC 16.7; Ten 20.6; Nine 25.1; Seven 27.4.

Note that those percentages represent a share of free to air prime time viewing. If you include subscription TV, you get a different picture. This was Pay's account of itself: "In week 35, subscription TV was the number one source of television across Australia. STV channels represented 22.3% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.7% of all regional viewing and 57.5% of all viewing in subscription TV homes.

"As the football home-and-away schedules draw to a close, 282,000 people watched Live: NRL Titans v Wests Tigers and 232,000 saw Live: AFL Fremantle v Essendon; 105,000 people viewed Live: Cricket: Ashes: Day 4 Session 1 and 92,000 people saw Australia battle South Africa in Live: Rugby Union: Tri Nations (all on FOX Sports).

"In entertainment programming this week, NCIS on TV1 was seen by 131,000 people and Movie One's premiere of Indiana Jones: Kingdom of Crystal Skull was watched by 127,000 viewers. America's Next Top Model on FOX8 was seen by 116,000 people, Project Runway Australia had a season-to-date high with 108,000 viewers and iCarly on Nickelodeon also had a year-to-date best audience with 94,000 viewers. Destroyed in Seconds on Discovery Channel was seen by 84,000 people and the Michael Kanaan expose in Crime Investigation Australia on Crime & Investigation was watched by 83,000 people."

And if you thought Australian Idol was a flop this year, examine this chart, which suggests that it is working well with its target audience ...

What viewers aged 16-39 watched, week ending August 29
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 546,000 159,000 188,000 88,000 44,000 67,000
2 GOOD NEWS WEEK Ten 464,000 130,000 145,000 88,000 43,000 58,000
3 AUSTRALIAN IDOL - SEMI FINAL 1 Ten 447,000 138,000 120,000 88,000 40,000 61,000
4 ROVE Ten 444,000 106,000 157,000 86,000 44,000 51,000
5 AUSTRALIAN IDOL - TOP 100 Ten 444,000 121,000 128,000 93,000 47,000 54,000
6 RUSH Ten 432,000 123,000 144,000 91,000 20,000 54,000
7 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 432,000 120,000 140,000 77,000 48,000 48,000
8 AUSTRALIAN IDOL - SEMI FINAL 4 Ten 420,000 109,000 134,000 95,000 27,000 54,000
9 TWO AND A HALF MEN -WED Nine 406,000 92,000 140,000 102,000 34,000 38,000
10 THE FARMER WANTS A WIFE Nine 403,000 109,000 124,000 85,000 39,000 46,000
11 HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX Nine 395,000 118,000 118,000 67,000 40,000 52,000
12 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 390,000 84,000 133,000 85,000 30,000 58,000
13 20 TO 1 -RPT Nine 389,000 94,000 151,000 75,000 40,000 29,000
14 AIR WAYS Seven 388,000 112,000 135,000 77,000 32,000 31,000
15 AUSTRALIAN IDOL - SEMI FINAL 2 Ten 382,000 120,000 103,000 70,000 35,000 54,000

• by David Dale at 05:41 PM
• Comments (51)

WHO WE ARE: Pudding on the fritz

To learn how you can save Australia from looking stupid, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 23/8/2009
Kevin Rudd has been leader of the Labor Party for nearly three years, and in that time his opponents have been unable to substantiate any suggestion of misbehaviour against him. Like the Irishman Harrigan in the song (also called Harrigan), his is a name that a shame never has been connected with.

Until this month. Now the evidence is there for all to see in Hansard, the record of proceedings of the parliament. Kevin Rudd has imposed horrific tortures on a national hero. The Prime Minister stands revealed as a perpetrator of pudding abuse.

Two years ago this column's readers bestowed the title "the national metaphor" on The Magic Pudding (go here for that discussion). Albert (for that is the pudding's name) has been an infinitely renewable resource for pundits and politicians ever since his creation in 1918 by the artist Norman Lindsay.

Lindsay wrote: "What this pudding requires is politeness and constant eating." Sadly, Kevin Rudd has provided only the latter.

In Lindsay's book, Albert's friend Bill Barnacle outlined his three characteristics:
1) "The more you eats, the more you gets. Cut and come again is his name and cut and come again is his nature".
2) Although Albert was originally a steak and kidney pudding, you can change his flavour if you whistle three times and turn the plate around. Then Albert will encourage you to "eat away, chew away, munch and bolt and guzzle. Never leave the table till you're full up to the muzzle."
3) Albert gets his kicks by tricking people. "He's that artful, lawyers couldn't manage him," says Bill. "If you wasn't up to his games, he'd be asking you to look at a spider and then run away while your back is turned."

The former Prime Minister, Paul Keating, was a grateful consumer. Revealing that he had actually read the book, he accused the Liberal Party of being "puddin' thieves" (the villains in Lindsay's book, while "puddin' owners" are the heroes). He remarked: "The Coalition parties have always regarded Telstra as some sort of magic pudding from which they could cut a slice to pay for their election commitments."

Keating's successor, John Howard, used to call the Labor Shadow Treasurer "Mr Magic Pudding Himself", because he promised increased government spending simultaneously with tax cuts.

It was only a matter of time before Kevin Rudd poked his spoon into the basin. Over recent months this column has been tracking his use of antiquated Australianisms. "Fair shake of the sauce bottle, mate" he told a journalist asking an impertinent question. He described the Muslim cleric Taj El-Din Hilaly as "several sandwiches short of a picnic", and when he got food poisoning, he said he'd had to "drive the porcelain bus".

These attempts to make himself sound more like an ocker and less like a nerd were lame but harmless. Then, on August 10, his climate change minister Penny Wong remarked that Malcolm Turnbull's proposal for a cheap solution to climate change had "the distinct taste of magic pudding". That got a small laugh, so the next day Rudd decided to improve on it: "Mr Speaker, this is a rolled-gold, unreconstructed, Magic Pudding from Central Casting.''

Poor Albert. He's encased in precious metal, rendering him not only uncomfortable but also inedible. He's unable to reconstruct himself, leaving him stuck as steak and kidney. And he's accused of being a generic acting stereotype, when of course, he's unique.

This crime against an icon was so blatant you'd have expected Turnbull to demand Rudd's resignation. His silence suggests he secretly envies Rudd for getting in first. Like all politicians, Turnbull is a pudding-abuser-in-waiting.

Go to comments to suggest appropriate punishment.

• by David Dale at 11:06 AM
• Comments (1)

The Who We Are update: Week 32

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn how you can save Australia from looking stupid, go to The Tribal Mind.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
Channel Seven's victory for the week was diminished by the poor performance of the Bledisloe Cup on Saturday. Australia is often described as "sports mad", but rugby union seems to be an exception -- even when you add in the genuinely "live" audience on Pay TV. At week's end, the prime time audience shares stood at: Seven 28.3 per cent, Nine 26.6, Ten 20.8, ABC 16.5, SBS 7.8.

Here is Pay TV's account of itself: "Hollywood's most famous archaeologist entertained subscribers as Movie One played the first three Indiana Jones movies across successive nights this week. The Saturday night broadcast of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade was seen by 101,000 viewers and a total of 147,000 people including the audience to the delayed broadcast on Movie Two. This week's episode of America's Next Top Model on FOX8 was seen by 146,000 people, Notting Hill on TV1 was seen by 113,000 viewers, Project Runway Australia by 105,000 and Tuesday night's episode of M*A*S*H on Fox Classics was watched by 88,000.

"In viewing to a different Crusade, 210,000 fans watched Australia battle the English in Live: Cricket: Ashes: Day 1 Session 1 on FOX Sports. In football, 276,000 people watched Live: NRL Knights v Cowboys, 229,000 watched Live: AFL Essendon v St Kilda and 180,000 watched Live: Rugby Union: Bledisloe Cup. In week 34, Live: AFL: On the Couch had its best result ever with 149,000 viewers (all on FOX Sports).

"STV channels represented 21.7% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 22.1% of all regional viewing and 56.7% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

And for fans hoping for a sudden surge in support for their codes, the charts below show audiences for all the football games that OzTAM reported over the weekend.

What Australia watched, week ending August 22
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,894,000 567,000 589,000 312,000 205,000 221,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,714,000 440,000 496,000 357,000 190,000 230,000
3 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,609,000 457,000 481,000 353,000 183,000 135,000
4 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,549,000 448,000 478,000 277,000 185,000 161,000
5 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,523,000 465,000 462,000 272,000 157,000 167,000
6 WORLD'S STRICTEST PARENTS Seven 1,521,000 458,000 427,000 274,000 176,000 187,000
7 DANCING WITH THE STARS 9 Seven 1,492,000 453,000 391,000 307,000 173,000 168,000
8 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,475,000 417,000 401,000 294,000 165,000 197,000
9 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,440,000 440,000 422,000 274,000 133,000 170,000
10 CITY HOMICIDE-MON Seven 1,390,000 395,000 453,000 209,000 172,000 160,000
11 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,377,000 378,000 396,000 296,000 142,000 165,000
12 BONES Seven 1,376,000 413,000 385,000 255,000 183,000 139,000
13 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 1,372,000 304,000 531,000 259,000 126,000 152,000
14 60 MINUTES Nine 1,327,000 388,000 406,000 265,000 122,000 147,000
15 GETAWAY Nine 1,309,000 366,000 458,000 247,000 95,000 142,000
16 DOMESTIC BLITZ Nine 1,307,000 366,000 378,000 289,000 139,000 135,000

• by David Dale at 09:21 AM
• Comments (69)

The Who We Are update: Week 31

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To discuss the credibility crisis of Australia's magazines, go to The Tribal Mind.
To learn how to abolish State Governments, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
Channel Ten managed only 14.6 per cent of the prime time audience on Friday night, easily beaten by the ABC on 20.4 per cent, thanks to George Gently, its new detective series. No wonder the shares for the week (and probably for the rest of the year) ended up thus: Seven 28.0 per cent, Nine 26.3, Ten 21.6, ABC 17.5 and SBS 6.6. We can expect Celebrity MasterChef to be rushed to air within weeks.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "The English Premier League football season kicked off on Saturday night with 76,000 people watching Live: Football: EPL Chelsea v Hull on FOX Sports. In other sport, 316,000 viewers watched Live: NRL Broncos v Sharks, 277,000 watched Live: Cricket: Ashes: Day 3 Session 1 (the biggest audience for the Ashes series so far), 264,000 viewed Live: NRL Raiders v Dragons and 192,000 people saw Live: AFL Bris Lions v Western Bulldogs (all on FOX Sports).

"The Simpsons topped the week in entertainment programming with 150,000 viewers on FOX8, America's Next Top Model (also on FOX8) was seen by 135,000 people and NCIS on TV1 had 109,000 viewers. Daddy Day Care premiered on TV1 with 107,000 viewers, Disney Channel's broadcast of The Parent Trap was watched by 95,000 people and Project Runway Australia on Arena was seen by 93,000.

"In week 33, STV channels represented 21.7% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 20.4% of all regional viewing and 56.4% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending August 15
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,909,000 584,000 577,000 323,000 206,000 219,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,672,000 409,000 486,000 389,000 163,000 225,000
3 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,560,000 501,000 508,000 249,000 200,000 102,000
4 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,528,000 431,000 398,000 304,000 184,000 211,000
5 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 1,521,000 388,000 553,000 257,000 146,000 177,000
6 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,508,000 487,000 460,000 229,000 135,000 197,000
7 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,492,000 452,000 524,000 207,000 155,000 155,000
8 WORLD'S STRICTEST PARENTS-UK Seven 1,453,000 411,000 408,000 275,000 194,000 164,000
9 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 1,448,000 439,000 457,000 263,000 138,000 151,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,388,000 371,000 379,000 279,000 167,000 192,000
11 GETAWAY Nine 1,372,000 433,000 375,000 276,000 126,000 162,000
12 SURF PATROL Seven 1,354,000 411,000 346,000 247,000 169,000 182,000
13 DOMESTIC BLITZ Nine 1,344,000 377,000 412,000 281,000 172,000 101,000

• by David Dale at 10:06 AM
• Comments (77)

WHO WE ARE: A State of quivering expectation

To learn why Kyle S and Malcolm T are victims of social change, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 9/8/2009
AWESOME is the only word for the power, reach and influence of this column's readers. A matter of days after they resoundingly endorsed this column's campaign to abolish State governments (which we listed as number 4 priority on The National To-Do List after becoming a republic, amalgamating with New Zealand and fixing the coat of arms), our political leaders start the process of abolition.

The prime minister reveals plans for Canberra to take over most of the States' current responsibilities in health care, while his deputy introduces a national schools curriculum, so Canberra can take control of education.

And Malcolm Turnbull urges the Federal Government to take control of our inland rivers, since the States have messed them up, while his rival Tony Abbott promotes a constitutional amendment to let the Federal Government override State laws. After that, the State governments might as well wither away for lack of anything to do, leaving local councils to take on their few remaining duties.

Of the readers who joined our forum, none expressed any enthusiasm for their State leadership (or their State opposition). The only apparently dissenting voice among the chorus of "Good riddance to bad management" was Andy, who asked: "What happens to the State of Origin?" Answer: It becomes the much more interesting Region of Origin series.

The plan to abolish the States includes the notion of amalgamating Australia's 677 local councils into 100 regional bodies, each serving a population of about 200,000 (go to The next big thing for details). Each region would send three representatives to the Senate in Canberra, so it would continue to be a house of review (but would concern itself only with major national initiatives, rather than all the tiny bills which currently constipate the upper house). There would be no difficulty in organising a series of rugby league matches between players originating in, say, Townsville and North Sydney or Newcastle and East Brisbane.

But before the process of defederalising goes too far, we should take one last look at what we're losing, to see if any of them have a unique quality worth preserving. I've been through all the reports released by the Bureau of Statistics for the past 12 months, noting any significant differences between the six former colonies. These details stood out ...

What's special about the States
Highest population: NSW (7 million). Lowest: Tasmania (500,000).
Highest unemployment: NSW (6.6 per cent). Lowest: Western Australia (5.2).
Most people aged over 65: South Australia. Most people under 15: Queensland.
Highest birth rate: Tasmania. Lowest: Victoria.
Most connected to internet: Qld (68 per cent of homes). Least connected: Tas (56).
Most religious: NSW (76 per cent). Least: SA (64).
Most people moving to: Qld. Most people moving from: Tas.
Lowest rate of personal crime: Vic. Highest: Qld.
Least building approvals: NSW. Most: WA.
Highest sporting attendance: SA. Lowest: NSW.
Highest attendance at live performances (concerts, plays, etc): WA. Lowest: Tas.
Highest marriage rate: Qld. Lowest: SA.
Highest divorce rate: Qld. Lowest: NSW.
Most living in sin before marriage: Tas. Fewest: NSW.
Most people saying they are delighted or pleased with their lives: Brisbane and Perth equal (55.7 per cent). Fewest: Melbourne (47.9).
Cheapest beer in pubs: Sydney. Costliest: Adelaide.
Cheapest chocolate: Brisbane. Costliest: Perth.
Cheapest bread: Hobart. Costliest: Melbourne
Cheapest rump steak: Sydney. Costliest: Brisbane
Cheapest oranges: Brisbane. Costliest: Perth.
Cheapest milk: Brisbane. Costliest: Hobart.
Cheapest potatoes: Sydney. Costliest: Perth.

So you might imagine Tasmanians are lustful, Queenslanders are violent, Victorians are depressed, Western Australians are rich and New South Welshpeople are devout. Are such cultural differences worth preserving or should we just go ahead and axe these historical and geographical anomalies? Join the discussion at Comments

• by David Dale at 02:41 PM
• Comments (78)

The Who We Are update: Week 30

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn why Kyle and Malcolm are victims of social change, go to The Tribal Mind.
To find out how to abolish State Governments, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
After a strong start, thanks to Meryl Streep and Shaun Micallef, it's back to business as usual for Channel Ten -- or no-business-as-usual, to be precise -- now that its 7pm drawcard has vanished. The week ended with the prime time audience shares thus: Seven 28.7 per cent, Nine 23.8, Ten 21.5, ABC 17.1, SBS 8.9 (thanks entirely to cricket).

Time for your prediction: how will Australian Idol go this year? Will the removal of Kyle lift its popularity, or had it passed its prime in any case? Go to Comments to predict Idol's Sunday night audience over the next three weeks.

This was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "194,000 viewers saw the Australian cricket team take the ascendancy in the fourth Ashes Test on Saturday night in Live: Cricket: Ashes: Day 2 Session 1 on FOX Sports. On Monday night football 317,000 people viewed Live: NRL Wests Tigers v Sea Eagles, the Sunday afternoon Aussie Rules game, Live: AFL West Coast v Essendon was seen by 191,000 people and 93,000 subscribers watched the 2009/10 A-League season kick off with Live: Football: A-League Melb v C Coast (all on FOX Sports).

"This week's episode of America's Next Top Model on FOX8 was watched by 152,000 viewers (a record for the season so far), the Sunday night broadcast of NCIS on TV1 was seen by 142,000 people and Wednesday night's Deadliest Catch on Discovery Channel was watched by 108,000 people. S.W.A.T. premiered on TV1 with 97,000 viewers, Dora the Explorer on Nick Jr. had its best audience of the year with 88,000 viewers and Law & Order on W was seen by 86,000 people.

"In week 32, STV channels represented 21.7% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 20.9% of all regional viewing and 56.8% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

Just for a change, what viewers aged 16-39 watched, week ending August 8
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 593,000 187,000 190,000 97,000 55,000 65,000
2 THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA RPT Ten 562,000 147,000 191,000 100,000 63,000 62,000
3 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 549,000 168,000 183,000 89,000 40,000 69,000
4 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 513,000 133,000 168,000 101,000 58,000 52,000
5 THE SIMPSONS WED Ten 488,000 129,000 174,000 91,000 54,000 39,000
6 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 477,000 121,000 140,000 106,000 55,000 56,000
7 GOOD NEWS WEEK Ten 474,000 122,000 142,000 85,000 65,000 60,000
8 THE ALL NEW SIMPSONS WED Ten 457,000 102,000 167,000 94,000 42,000 51,000
9 WORLD'S STRICTEST PARENTS Seven 440,000 130,000 112,000 92,000 51,000 55,000
10 MIRACLE OF THE HUDSON PLANE CRASH Seven 409,000 128,000 114,000 75,000 35,000 57,000
11 THE BIG BANG THEORY Nine 405,000 101,000 123,000 90,000 40,000 51,000
12 ERAGON Ten 401,000 127,000 116,000 70,000 43,000 44,000
13 RUSH Ten 393,000 95,000 165,000 63,000 32,000 37,000
14 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 391,000 82,000 142,000 84,000 33,000 48,000
15 UNITED STATES OF TARA ABC1 382,000 102,000 111,000 71,000 47,000 52,000

• by David Dale at 09:25 AM
• Comments (87)

The Who We Are update: Week 30

This forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss Australia's best satires of all time, go to The Tribal Mind.
To find out how to become a republic and absorb New Zealand, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
In the picture, you see Channels Seven, Nine and Ten. Once upon a time, Nine would have been the biggest fish. Now Seven is the one with the teeth. Channel Ten, which was looking for a while as if it could become the second-biggest fish, frittered away its advantage early in the week, and the prime time audience shares ended thus: Seven 29.3 per cent, Nine 24.3, Ten 22.4, ABC 17.6, SBS 6.3.

This was Pay TV's rather contorted account of itself: "Examples of the largest and the smallest winning margins were seen on subscription TV this weekend. In Live: NRL Raiders v Broncos, 270,000 viewers watched the Canberra Raiders trounce the Brisbane Broncos by 56-0, delivering the Brisbane team its biggest ever loss. In Live: AFL Sydney v St Kilda, 196,000 people saw the Saints beat the Sydney Swans by a single point after scoring a behind with 20 seconds left in the match. In other sport, 139,000 people watched Live: Cricket: Ashes: Day 2 Session 1, 129,000 saw Live: AFL: On the Couch and 101,000 subscribers watched Live: NRL Saturday Pre Game Show (all on FOX Sports).

"This week's episode of America's Next Top Model on FOX8 was watched by 123,000 viewers (210,000 with the Plus2 audience included). The Sunday night broadcast of NCIS on TV1 was seen by 116,000 people while Monday night's Law & Order on W was watched by 109,000 people. The new season of Deadliest Catch on Discovery Channel set a year-to-date record of 105,000 people, this week's episode of Project Runway Australia on Arena was seen by 99,000 people and Curious George on Nick Jr. had its best result of the year with an audience of 85,000.

"In week 31, STV channels represented 21.8% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 20.7% of all regional viewing and 57.1% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending August 1
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,983,000 488,000 553,000 413,000 273,000 256,000
2 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,932,000 576,000 619,000 322,000 181,000 233,000
3 DANCING WITH THE STARS 9 Seven 1,619,000 476,000 451,000 324,000 170,000 197,000
4 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,616,000 491,000 505,000 255,000 148,000 217,000
5 WORLD'S STRICTEST PARENTS Seven 1,595,000 486,000 425,000 319,000 170,000 195,000
6 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,565,000 462,000 394,000 330,000 159,000 220,000
7 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM Ten 1,534,000 497,000 405,000 241,000 201,000 190,000
8 SURF PATROL Seven 1,510,000 432,000 423,000 306,000 163,000 186,000
9 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 1,469,000 496,000 375,000 278,000 149,000 171,000
10 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,464,000 454,000 419,000 251,000 165,000 175,000
11 THE CHASER'S WAR ON EVERYTHING ABC1 1,456,000 512,000 408,000 247,000 138,000 152,000
12 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,449,000 419,000 369,000 320,000 147,000 194,000
13 AIR WAYS Seven 1,412,000 415,000 371,000 270,000 164,000 192,000
14 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,410,000 461,000 404,000 283,000 129,000 132,000
15 MERLIN Ten 1,407,000 437,000 335,000 274,000 132,000 228,000
16 TWO AND A HALF MEN Nine 1,381,000 398,000 478,000 251,000 106,000 147,000
17 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,380,000 358,000 368,000 326,000 149,000 178,000
18 GETAWAY Nine 1,300,000 336,000 460,000 266,000 118,000 120,000
19 SEA PATROL -EP2 Nine 1,284,000 381,000 366,000 246,000 149,000 142,000
20 SEA PATROL -EP1 Nine 1,282,000 387,000 365,000 247,000 131,000 151,000
21 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,256,000 370,000 327,000 258,000 156,000 144,000
22 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,248,000 419,000 380,000 161,000 150,000 137,000
23 UNITED STATES OF TARA ABC1 1,235,000 413,000 371,000 189,000 123,000 139,000
24 AUSTRALIAN STORY ABC1 1,222,000 392,000 347,000 220,000 111,000 152,000
25 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 1,218,000 394,000 400,000 194,000 100,000 130,000
26 TWO AND A HALF MEN -RPT Nine 1,205,000 338,000 383,000 229,000 118,000 137,000
27 BONES Seven 1,176,000 336,000 311,000 250,000 146,000 131,000
28 NINE NEWS Nine 1,159,000 306,000 380,000 234,000 136,000 101,000
29 RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS Nine 1,151,000 312,000 371,000 248,000 104,000 116,000
30 RUSH Ten 1,147,000 325,000 439,000 159,000 106,000 117,000
31 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,125,000 310,000 350,000 245,000 118,000 101,000
32 20 TO 1 Nine 1,118,000 319,000 327,000 227,000 125,000 120,000
33 NCIS EP 2 RPT Ten 1,097,000 282,000 323,000 197,000 133,000 162,000
34 NCIS RPT Ten 1,079,000 272,000 319,000 202,000 129,000 157,000
35 M-FINDING NEMO Seven 1,073,000 338,000 267,000 220,000 114,000 134,000

• by David Dale at 07:49 AM
• Comments (72)

WHO WE ARE: Come join us, please

To learn the shocking truth about MasterChef, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 26/7/2009
There's an easy way to avoid the embarrassment that flowed from this column's revelation last week that Australia's favourite wine is made in New Zealand. All we need to do is amalgamate the two countries, and then Marlborough becomes a wine region of Australia and its Oyster Bay sauvignon blanc become an Aussie drop (for details on our drinking habits, go to last week's column).

The only foreseeable problem with this scheme is that absorbing the Kiwis might delay another vital nation-building project -- abolishing our State governments. To persuade them to join us, we'd have to offer them the chance to be not one but two States within a new enlarged federation, and thus be represented by 12 senators in Canberra (or Wellington, a nice new capital for Australasia). It would hardly be cricket to promise the Kiwis some semblance of individual identity and, having got their signatures on the treaty, immediately deprive them of local self-government.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Today's column is supposed to be about Grand Visions For The Future of Australia. Since it seems we're not going to suffer too badly from the global financial crisis, we can afford to lift our eyes from short term goals and reflect on how our country should advance over the next two decades. Here's a theory ...

The National To-Do List
1 Become a republic
2 Amalgamate with New Zealand
3 Fix the coat of arms
4 Abolish the States
6 Build a system of canals between Darwin and Adelaide.

Number 1 is the easiest, involving just a bit of paperwork. At the moment, the Governor General is nominated by the Government and, if there's no outcry from the Opposition, rubber-stamped by the monarch in London. Arguments have bogged down in whether an elected head of state would have powers likely to compete with the powers of the prime minister. So lets avoid the menacing term "President". Lets call the new figurehead The Administrator, nominated by the government and rubber-stamped by Parliament. There you have it -- Republic Lite, and straight on to task 2.

The hard part will be convincing them to get into bed with us. Viewers of the TV series Flight of the Conchords will know the paranoia of New Zealanders about their neighbour. The former NZ prime minister Robert Muldoon observed that every time a Kiwi is silly enough to move to Australia, that raises the average IQ of both countries.

Yes, they do feel superior to us, and not just in winemaking. So we must make this transformation worth their while. We can write into the new Constitution our belief that the smartest person in Australia is John Clarke.

And maybe NZ will need to be classified as three States - called North Island, South Island and The Wellington Coffee Enclave - plus having the right to impose their pronunciation on the teaching of English in schools (test phrase "Lits git some fush en chups for the cet un the het").

Of course we'll need to put a kiwi to the coat of arms. Easiest would be to replace that other flightless bird, the emu, even if that introduced problems of scale with the kangaroo on the other side. At the same time, we could replace the star that currently sits atop the shield with an octopus, to symbolize the ocean connecting the various States and the contribution of immigrants to changing our cooking preferences in the past 50 years. The Kiwis would probably prefer a whitebait up there, but we can hold that as a bargaining chip when we move on to No 4.

Out of space, so we'll save abolishing the States for the next column, which will include the contributions you make by going to Comments

• by David Dale at 10:08 AM
• Comments (33)

The Who We Are update: Week 29

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To learn the about Australia's favourite TV shows of all time (and MasterChef ain't one of them), go to The Tribal Mind.
To find out how to become a republic and absorb New Zealand, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
Thursdays and Fridays are always slow nights, so the sudden slump of The 7pm Project (down from 1.28 million on Monday to 656,000 on Friday) should induce only moderate panic at Channel Ten. It's still doing well with the 16-39s (who go out on Fridays). But if 7PP fails to recover this Monday and Tuesday, Ten will hear Yasmin calling, and the axeman will arrive with his friends The Simpsons. (Unless Ten puts Australian Idol on every weeknight at 7 -- could anybody stand that much Sandilands?)

Seven will be delighted with the 1.5 million result for Airways and World's Strictest Parents but nervous about its new Thursday comedies. Double Take and the marginally less embarrassing TV Burp got a million viewers each. That's nowhere near the Yasmintude of The Perfect Couple or True Beauty, but Seven will be sweating on its OzTAM data next Friday.

Nine started the week with an act of sheer stupidity - putting its $200,000 backpacker up against the final of MasterChef -- and continued at this level with a launch followed by an axing of Dance Your Ass Off. This was the final result of a ratings week that started stunningly for Ten: Seven 27.3 per cent of the prime time audience, Ten 25.0, Nine 23.4, ABC 16.5, and SBS 7.8.

And this was Pay TV's account of itself: "In week 30, Disney Channel's contemporary take on the Prince and the Pauper story, The Princess Protection Program, premiered with 157,000 viewers. On Arena, The Debbie Rowe Interview detailed life with the former King of Pop Michael Jackson to 87,000 people. America's Next Top Model on FOX8 was watched by 142,000 people, NCIS on TV1 was seen by 141,000 viewers and Project Runway Australia on Arena continued to grow with a season-to-date best audience of 106,000 viewers.

"Without a Trace on W had its best result of the year watched by 86,000, Dora's Fairytale Adventure on Nick Jr. was watched by a 2009 high of 85,000 people and the movie Get Smart premiered on Movie One with 83,00 people.

"On FOX Sports, Live: NRL Eels v Storm had 306,000 viewers, Live: AFL St Kilda v Adelaide was watched by 257,000 people and, as the second Ashes test drew to a close, 214,000 people watched Live: Cricket: Ashes: Day 5 Session 1. This week, Live: AFL Pre Game Show was seen by 116,000 subscribers, Live: Golf: British Open Final Round Part 1 was watched by 79,000 (both on FOX Sports) and Sky Raceday on Sky Racing was seen by 71,000 people.

"In week 30, STV channels represented 21.5% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.1% of all regional viewing and 57.0% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending July 25
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - WINNER ANNOUNCED Ten 3,726,000 999,000 1,278,000 615,000 383,000 452,000 (and to learn why this is NOT a record, go to The Tribal Mind)
2 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - FINALE NIGHT Ten 3,293,000 863,000 1,172,000 556,000 323,000 378,000
3 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,857,000 519,000 586,000 344,000 197,000 211,000
4 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,713,000 410,000 465,000 408,000 200,000 230,000
5 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,585,000 472,000 472,000 284,000 148,000 210,000
6 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,562,000 452,000 391,000 330,000 173,000 216,000
7 AIR WAYS Seven 1,549,000 395,000 467,000 312,000 176,000 198,000
8 WORLD'S STRICTEST PARENTS Seven 1,540,000 432,000 439,000 297,000 175,000 197,000

• by David Dale at 01:41 PM
• Comments (118)

WHO WE ARE: Savvy nong plonk

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 19/7/2009
Try saying the phrase "shiraz socialist" five times fast after a couple of glasses of pinot noir. The inherent pronunciation difficulties may explain why certain politicians persist with the phrase "chardonnay socialist" as their preferred term of abuse, even though it reveals their utter ignorance of what most Australians actually drink.

The implication within "chardonnay socialist" is that the accused pretends to have working class sympathies but actually has elitist tastes. It was coined in the 1980s, when chardonnay was an expensive novelty favoured by businessmen desperate to display their wealth. The theory was that true Aussies drink beer or, at worst, cask plonk containing no identifiable grape. Anyone who drinks differently must be unAustralian.

Unbeknownst to conservative politicians, the insult had lost its sting by the early noughties, when Queen Adelaide chardonnay was revealed as the beverage of choice for millions of people who met all other definitions of real, normal, average, decent, patriotic Aussies.

Is chardonnay still part of our national identity? Disturbing rumours about changes in our drinking habits provoked this column to check the latest data from the Bureau of Statistics and the research organisation AC Nielsen. Here's what emerged ...

Wine consumption: The average Australian over the age of 15 drinks 28.3 litres of wine a year (up from 28.1 in 2006). That's the equivalent of five glasses a week, of which three would be white and two would be red.

Favourite styles: The most-planted white grape in this country is still chardonnay, while the most planted red grape is shiraz. But most-planted is not the same as most-purchased, which turns out like this ...

The national reds: Wyndham Estate Bin 555 Shiraz, Pepperjack Shiraz.

The national bubblies: Yellowglen Yellow Sparkling, Jacob's Creek Chardonnay Pinot.

The national whites: Oyster Bay Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc, Giesen Sauvignon Blanc.

Hang on a minute. Oyster Bay and Giesen are both from New Zealand. So in this year's wine purchases, Australians are propping up an enemy economy by replacing elitist chardys with foreign savvys (as the New Zealanders insist on calling them).

It's a national disaster. Apparently we're so jaded by the Barossa, the Hunter and the Margaret River that we seek novelties an ocean away. Don't panic. Help is on its way. Oddly enough, the good news, like the bad news, comes from across the Tasman - but not over that way, down that way.

Tasmania is about to launch an attack on the mainland with a view to reclaiming control of our wine tastes. Next month a travelling roadshow called Tasmania Unbottled 2009, representing 30 of our south island's bravest winemakers, will invade Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane. The Tasmanians know it will take a while to wean us off weedy kiwi sauvignon blancs, so their first weapon of choice will be bubbles, followed by a blitzkrieg of pinot noirs (for more information, go here) .

To support them (and the economy), our politicians will need to create a new term of abuse for those who are drinking against the national interest. How about "savvy-wankers"?

Go to Comments to discuss how we can fight back against kiwi plonk. And to discuss whether most Australians are too stupid to function in the 21st century, go to last week's column.

• by David Dale at 12:02 PM
• Comments (33)

WHO WE ARE: Just smart enough?

To discuss if Transformers 2 sucks more than any blockbuster in history, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 12/7/2009
By now Australia was supposed to have changed from the lucky country to the clever country. But the Bureau of Statistics keeps releasing data which suggests most of us are too dumb to function in the 21st century.

The bureau's latest discovery is that we don't even know how to look after our own bodies - 59 per cent of Australians "have difficulty with tasks such as locating information on a bottle of medicine about the maximum number of days the medicine could be taken, or drawing a line on a container indicating where one third would be". This follows the revelation last year that 69 per cent of adults lack problem-solving skills that are "the minimum required for individuals to meet the complex demands of everyday life and work in the emerging knowledge-based economy" (go here for that column).

Clearly we should not be too hard on the Shadow Treasurer, Joe Hockey, whose office had to apologise earlier this month for putting out a nonsensical press release based on his wrong reading of an economics graph.

The term "the lucky country" was coined in the 1960s by the writer Donald Horne, and it wasn't a compliment. He meant that through sheer dumb luck, Australians had stumbled onto resources that allowed us to prosper among world economies, and we'd been coasting ever since. Here's his entire quote: "Australia is a lucky country, run by second-rate people who share its luck."

Horne said later: "I had in mind in particular the lack of innovation in Australian manufacturing and some other forms of Australian business, banking for example. In these, as a colonial carry over, Australia showed less enterprise than almost any other prosperous industrial society."

In the 1990s, Horne joined a campaign to raise education standards, aiming to make us a "clever country" with the skills to thrive without such props as iron ore and coal. He said: "I think we should realise that the lucky country provides a descriptive phrase, condemning Australia for what it was, whereas the clever country is a pre-scriptive phrase, suggesting to Australia what it might become."

Are we there yet? The latest Social Trends report from the Bureau of Stats has good news about young Australians. Here are the results of the latest testing on 8,000 students in what is called TIMSS (Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study):

"Australian students performed well in 2007 when compared with other participating countries, but were outperformed by England, the United States and most of the Asian countries, especially Singapore and Chinese Taipei. Australian students achieved an international ranking of 14th (out of 49) for Years 4 and 8 maths and 13th for Years 4 and 8 science." In science, our kids were equal to students in Germany, Italy, Lithuania and Sweden, which doesn't sound too bad at all (go here for the details).

But in the same Social Trends report, the bureau reveals the results of another test called ALLS (Adult Literacy and Life Skills), conducted on 9,000 people aged 15-74: "The ability to access and use health information is a fundamental skill which allows people to make informed decisions and helps them to maintain basic health ... Skill level 3 is regarded as the minimum required to allow individuals to meet the complex demands of everyday life. In 2006, 41 per cent of adults were assessed as having adequate or better health literacy skills, scoring at level 3 or above. At this level, people could generally perform tasks such as combining information in text and a graph to correctly assess the safety of a product." (Go here for the details.)

Only 41 per cent have "adequate" literacy? So if Joe Hockey had been able to understand that graph, he'd have been unAustralian.

Go to Comments to discuss whether Australians are as dumb as the data suggests.

• by David Dale at 04:37 PM
• Comments (2)

The Who We Are Update: Week 28

This forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To nominate the most bingeworthy TV series on DVD, go toThe Tribal Mind.
To discuss whether Australians are too dumb to function in the 21st century, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
Julie won MasterChef. Go to The TV shows Australia loved to see if the finale created a ratings record. Then go to The new week's blog to tell us what you make of the result.

Readers who were shocked by the ending of Grey's Anatomy on Thursday night should go here and after that also here for a modicum of solace. You will find interviews by Entertainment Weekly with the show's creator, Shonda Rimes, and answers to who will survive to next season. The finale pulled an extra 200,000 viewers to GA, and helped Channel Seven push Channel Nine to third place in audience share.

Then on Friday, a non-competitive episode of MasterChef helped Ten to counteract any footy advantage enjoyed by Seven and Nine (and if you're someone who prefers kicking to cooking, every bit of biffo for Friday and Saturday, no matter how esoteric, is presented in the charts below).

On Saturday, Harry Potter conjured a nightly win for Nine, but that wasn't enough to save it from humiliation for the week, which ended with these prime time audience shares: Ten 26.4 per cent, Seven 24.8, Nine 24.5, ABC 15.6, SBS 8.7. That's not supposed to happen in a State of Origin week.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "In the month of July, subscription TV has an abundance of high quality sport bringing viewers to the platform. Live: NRL Titans v Eels on FOX Sports had 259,000 viewers, while Saturday's night's first Tri-Nations match between Australia and New Zealand, Live: Rugby Union: Bledisloe Cup, was watched by 230,000 people and Live: AFL West Coast v St Kilda by 224,000 people. Live: Cricket: Ashes: Day 5 Session 1 had 216,000 viewers, Live: AFL: On the Couch had its biggest audience of the year so far with 143,000 viewers and Live: Golf: British Open Round 1 Part 1 was seen by 93,000 viewers (all on FOX Sports).

"In entertainment programming, FOX8's America's Next Top Model was seen by 115,000 people, Hannah Montana on Disney Channel had its best audience of the year so far with 107,000 viewers, NCIS on TV1 was watched by 103,000 people and the new season of Project Runway Australia on Arena was watched by 97,000 people.

"In week 29, STV channels were the number one source of TV around Australia, accounting for 20.9% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 20.8% of all regional viewing and 55.5% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending July 18
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 2,193,000 592,000 764,000 352,000 221,000 264,000
2 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,981,000 568,000 638,000 335,000 204,000 236,000
3 STATE OF ORIGIN RUGBY LEAGUE 3RD - MATCH Nine 1,907,000 837,000 279,000 659,000 66,000 66,000
4 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS Seven 1,794,000 473,000 582,000 351,000 186,000 202,000
5 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,668,000 349,000 522,000 407,000 142,000 248,000
6 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,639,000 453,000 549,000 361,000 169,000 107,000
7 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,601,000 449,000 434,000 321,000 170,000 227,000
8 SURF PATROL Seven 1,532,000 375,000 475,000 316,000 172,000 193,000
9 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,492,000 416,000 469,000 244,000 162,000 201,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,488,000 430,000 388,000 307,000 159,000 203,000
11 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,406,000 444,000 342,000 409,000 120,000 91,000
12 RECRUITS Ten 1,383,000 392,000 437,000 212,000 135,000 206,000
13 DANCING WITH THE STARS 9 Seven 1,357,000 372,000 395,000 306,000 134,000 150,000
14 GREY'S ANATOMY Seven 1,356,000 395,000 365,000 302,000 147,000 147,000
15 SEA PATROL Nine 1,346,000 362,000 399,000 232,000 157,000 196,000
16 MERLIN Ten 1,299,000 388,000 349,000 229,000 145,000 188,000
17 NEW TRICKS ABC1 1,239,000 390,000 354,000 197,000 150,000 149,000

• by David Dale at 08:24 AM
• Comments (71)