The Sun-Herald

WHO WE ARE: But what if we weren't here?

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 6/7/2008
In the movie It's a Wonderful Life, an angel shows a depressed Jimmy Stewart what the world would be like if he had never been born. It's a much grimmer place.

Australians are feeling a bit down at the moment, according to the latest Morgan poll, with a big drop in consumer confidence and only 48 per cent saying the country is "heading in the right direction". So I'm going to emulate the angel and update a list I started making at the turn of this century aimed at describing what the world would be like if Australia had never been born -- if there had been no large land mass for the Portuguese, Dutch, French and English to bump into when they sailed southwards ...

There would be no cure for 80 per cent of the world's stomach ulcers (WA's Barry Marshall and Robin Warren discovered that antibiotics kill a stomach bug called helicobacter).

The term "fatal shore" would refer to the east coast of Canada, where the British would have dumped surplus convicts.

Gwyneth Paltrow would have won the Oscar for playing Virginia Woolf in The Hours. She would have married Tom Cruise but then he'd have divorced her and married Katie Holmes.

The world's strangest animal would be the giraffe.

The Japanese would be free to hunt whales all over the Pacific (but there'd be a lot more ocean in which the whales could hide).

The most beautiful coral reef in the world would be in the Red Sea, off Egypt.

Olympic swimming events would include breaststroke, backstroke, butterfly and dog paddle, but no freestyle (originally called the Australian Crawl, in this universe).

Tina Arena, Natalie Imbruglia and Vanessa Amorosi would be big names on the Italian music charts.

There would be no rugby league and the world's best rugby team would be England.

Peach Melba would be known as peaches with strawberry sauce.

At least 60,000 more people would be deaf (Victoria's Graeme Clark developed the cochlear implant).

Liza Minelli would have married a different homosexual.

Morningtown Ride and The Carnival Is Over would have been early hits for Abba.

Russell Crowe would have won an oscar for Gladiator, but never would have made The Sum of Us or Romper Stomper. Mel Gibson would have trained at the Julliard School, New York. He'd have made Lethal Weapon and Braveheart, but not Mad Max.

There would be no Fox network and hence no Simpsons.

AC/DC would refer only to electricity.

Timor and New Guinea would be part of Indonesia.

Californians would always win the World Surfing Championships.

There would be nobody in the world called Kylie, let alone Dannii.

The animal liberation movement would have no bible (Victorian bio-ethicist Peter Singer wrote Animal Rights and Human Obligations).

The only thing called a thong would be a form of underwear.

The Bee Gees would have recorded Stayin Alive, but not Spicks and Specks (which would not be the name of a TV show).

The British would have to carry their wine to parties in glass flagons, because there would be no cardboard casks.

The world's melanoma rate would be much lower.

Mt. Kosciuszko would be in Nepal.

Pavlova would be indisputably a New Zealand creation.

The kiwi kiddy band The Wuggles would be a huge hit in America, as would a US sitcom based on the classic Auckland comedy Keth end Kum.

OK, now it's just getting silly, and we've barely begun. If you can think of any other ways the world would be different without Australia, go to Comments

• by David Dale at 03:33 PM
• Comments (0)

The Who We Are Update: Seven wins Friday, but not the week

To learn what the world would be like if there were no Australia, go to The Tribal Mind.

What Australia watched, Friday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Network 7 1,495,000 459,000 416,000 249,000 171,000 199,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Network 7 1,453,000 418,000 365,000 255,000 174,000 241,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Network 7 1,274,000 403,000 304,000 220,000 159,000 187,000
4 TWO AND A HALF MEN -RPT Network 9 1,139,000 349,000 303,000 229,000 132,000 125,000
5 HOME AND AWAY Network 7 1,116,000 347,000 255,000 206,000 141,000 167,000
6 NINE NEWS Network 9 1,089,000 311,000 298,000 228,000 145,000 107,000
7 ABC NEWS Network ABC1 1,056,000 237,000 376,000 204,000 98,000 141,000
8 A CURRENT AFFAIR Network 9 1,019,000 260,000 296,000 239,000 123,000 101,000
9 SILENT WITNESS Network ABC1 988,000 266,000 300,000 188,000 111,000 124,000
11 BIG BROTHER - FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE Network TEN 875,000 220,000 256,000 155,000 124,000 120,000
14 SPOOKS Network ABC1 813,000 225,000 247,000 164,000 75,000 102,000
18 BIG BROTHER Network TEN 742,000 199,000 192,000 143,000 93,000 115,000
19 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 14: ADELAIDE VS GEELONG Network 7 741,000 24,000 430,000 12,000 153,000 122,000
21 RIDING IN CARS WITH BOYS RPT Network TEN 567,000 147,000 200,000 86,000 72,000 63,000
22 NINE'S LIVE FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Network 9 562,000 359,000 204,000
32 WIMBLEDON D11 Network 9 396,000 153,000 105,000 63,000 34,000 40,000<
Continued here

• by David Dale at 04:07 PM
• Comments (61)

WHO WE ARE: In joyous screams then let us sing

To learn the difference between men and women, go to The Tribal Mind.
A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 29/6/2008.
These words are symbolic of the culture and identity of our nation: "For most of my life I lived a delusion./ Yes, material gain has caused me confusion./ But slowly in time I learned that my place is/ To tell all that I meet the glory that God is."

They come, of course, from Billy Thorpe's song Most People I Know Think That I'm Crazy, which has just been selected by the Film and Sound Archive in Canberra for preservation in the National Registry of Recorded Sound. It was a bold choice by the Archive, because it dramatically broadens the definition of what may constitute a "national song". Compare it with these lines:

"Free and friendly nation,/ Born of our own hand,/ Peace our greatest virtue,/ Mighty southern land./ Valiant into battle,/ Courage to the end,/ Standing firm for freedom,/ Loyal southern friend./ Nature's earthly heaven,/ Glory for our eyes,/ Ours alone those treasures,/ Under Southern Skies."

That's from the "national song" written last year by Amanda Vanstone, the former Minister for Immigration who became Australia's ambassador to Italy. She wasn't proposing it as a replacement for the anthem (Advance Australia Fair) but for use on less formal occasions. We can picture her at this very moment winning trade deals by crooning those lines to Silvio Berlusconi (to the tune of Land of Hope and Glory).

He no doubt responds with "Italian brothers, Italy has arisen,/ With the helmet of Scipio on her head./ Where is Victory?/ God has made her the slave of Rome./ Let us gather in legions./ We are ready to die./ Italy has called" (from the national anthem of Italy, which has not felt the need to update words written in 1847).

Personally, I'd discard Vanstone's stirring sentiments and celebrate my patriotism with one of the numbers selected for preservation in the National Registry of Recorded Sound. Thorpie's "personal anthem" joined Slim Dusty's Pub With No Beer; Men At Work's Down Under; the Aeroplane Jelly jingle; Johnny O'Keefe's She's My Baby; The Saints' I'm Stranded; a 1927 recording of Waltzing Matilda; The Easybeats' Friday on My Mind; Peter Dawson's Along The Road To Gundagai and We Have Survived by No Fixed Address (go to the registry to hear them).

The Archive revealed that the selection criteria included "artistic excellence, historical relevance, technical or scientific achievement, and prominence in shaping Australia's culture and identity."

Last year this column suggested eight candidates for the title of "national song". They were Tie me Kangaroo Down Sport, Down Under, Shaddup You Face, I've Been Everywhere, Man, Pub with No Beer, the Neighbours theme, Australiana (the Austen Tayshus pun collection) and The Sounds of Then (which includes the wonderful line "Laugh and say: 'This is Australia'."). Readers voted solidly to enlarge the list with the Skippy theme, Farewell Aunty Jack, Great Southern Land, I Still Call Australia Home, We Are One But We Are Many, and My Island Home.

Now that the Archive has broadened the definition to include rock songs and ballads that make no mention of the land or its icons, we should vote again. Go to comments to offer your new nominations.

To discuss why TV is programmed for people over 55, go to The Tribal Mind

• by David Dale at 09:22 AM
• Comments (63)

WHO WE ARE: Getting all choked up about snot blocks

To discuss why Australians are in retreat from reality, go to The Tribal Mind

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 22/6/2008
The snot block, the pie floater, the baked bean jaffle, the kebab at 2am, the froggie cake, the bread roll stuffed with Twisties, the scallop pie, butter chicken, the spearmint milkshake: Who says there's no such thing as Australian cuisine?

By adopting and adapting the best takeaways the world can offer, we've created a fast food mecca in the southern hemisphere. That was the consensus among readers who reacted to this column's proposition last week that the nation's greatest achievements in portable edibles were the Chiko roll, the hamburger with beetroot, the pizza with pineapple, hot chips, pad Thai, potato scallops, Neenish tarts, and the gosleme (which I was firmly told should be spelt gozleme).

Some readers introduced regional surprises. "Being from Broken Hill," writes Matthew Huxtable, "our entry for world cuisine is cheeseslaw -- grated carrot, grated cheese (pref. that Kraft foil-coated block that I don't even know you can still buy but was in the normal supermarket aisles and not the fridged section) and coleslaw dressing. Delicious! Best thing with your sandwiches, as its stickiness stopped all the filling from falling out.

"Also, now that my family lives in Victoria, let's not forget the vanilla slice, but not any vanilla slice but the Snot Block. It may not be an Australian dish but we've surely renamed it as ours - 'Fancy a Snot Block, your Majesty?'"

LR says she "wouldn't go past a sausage sandwich - I swear my husband only wants to go to the local hardware store on a saturday morning so he can get one. And you really can't go past the hot chip roll - some like it with sauce or gravy, but for me, just lots of chicken salt is perfect!


"And if you want to include Asian food - I would think that good old butter chicken, or even beef in black bean sauce are more common than pad Thai or gosleme."

Noting that the study of fast food is not all ancient history, a reader who wished to be known as Outbackdee reflected on "memorable takeaway moments from my childhood in the late 80's through to the 90's: Meat pie and tomato sauce; Kebab with hummus, chilli and bbq sauce; Pork roll from the local bakery; Cheese and bacon bread fresh from the oven at 730 am on the way to the train station; And the great staple of Chinese takeaway, sweet and sour pork ... that sweet syrupy mess of fried pork goodness. I craved this the most when backpacking through Europe."

Nicholas was overcome with national pride: "Among foods substantially invented in Australia, I'm stunned no-one's mentioned the lamington or pavlova. I am happy to agree with chocolate crackles, and raise an eyebrow at the fact no-one's answered David's question [on the origin of the neenish tart]. According to my sources, neenish tarts were named for their inventor, Ruth Nienish of New South Wales. Bugger the stump-jump plough, be proud of what matters."

If you are, and want to continue this discussion, go to Comments

• by David Dale at 09:52 AM
• Comments (45)

The Who We Are update: Week 26

This week of the blog is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest media analysis, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss why TV is programmed for people over 55, go to The Tribal Mind
To discuss Australia's finest fast foods, go to Who We Are

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday June 29
Nine won Thursday and will win the week, because Seven's success on Friday with Better Homes and Gardens was not enough to counter the huge head start provided for Nine by Schapelle Corby. Nine averaged 28.8 per cent of the prime time audience for the week, while Seven got 27.7, Ten 19.9, ABC 17.5 and SBS 6.0.

In the chart below, we provide the last ever audience figure for Million Dollar Wheel of Fortune, and for its rivals Deal or No Deal and Ten's News At Five. The figures explain why the wheel was axed. But somehow we don't think Antiques Roadshow will do much better, even if it is better suited to the hot new demographic target of over-55s.

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Network 7 1,351,000 324,000 397,000 304,000 136,000 190,000
2 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Network 9 1,180,000 288,000 402,000 248,000 105,000 138,000
3 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Network 9 1,105,000 307,000 360,000 213,000 121,000 104,000
4 CATS & DOGS -RPT Network 9 1,030,000 273,000 341,000 225,000 113,000 77,000
5 THE GREAT OUTDOORS Network 7 967,000 244,000 282,000 213,000 116,000 112,000
8 THE BILL Network ABC1 737,000 212,000 233,000 138,000 64,000 91,000
9 BRIDE AND PREJUDICE -RPT Network 9 708,000 206,000 248,000 107,000 70,000 76,000
12 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Network TEN 613,000 334,000 39,000 149,000 91,000
13 THE VICAR OF DIBLEY Network 7 597,000 288,000 105,000 204,000
14 SEVEN'S R.U: AUS V FRA Network 7 587,000 309,000 34,000 210,000 18,000 16,000
19 ANTIQUES ROADSHOW -RPT Network 9 465,000 154,000 221,000 91,000
23 SUPER TROUPERS: THIRTY YEARS OF ABBA Network 7 372,000 195,000 73,000 104,000
30 BOWLS: PBA WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS Network ABC1 284,000 72,000 89,000 66,000 40,000 17,000
31 ABSOLUTELY MELBOURNE - ALL YOU CAN EAT Network 7 277,000 Not shown 277,000 Not shown Not shown
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)
Continued here.

• by David Dale at 08:32 AM
• Comments (83)

The Who We Are update: Week 25

This week of David Dale's media blog is now a heritage item - worth reading but no longer current. For the latest discussion, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss why Australians are crawling back into their cocoons, go to The Tribal Mind
To discuss Australia's top takeaways, go to Chiko and the gang

On Saturday morning, the prime time audience shares stand at ABC 18.5% Seven 28.6% Nine 27.0% Ten 20.4% SBS 5.4%. Seven won Friday night with the help of Better Homes and Gardens, but Saturday could have turned it around for Nine. Can The Vicar of Dibley and King Arthur knock off Big Momma's House (and what does it say about Australia's tastes if Big Momma wins?) Register your prediction here and bask in glory when we give the week's results on Sunday afternoon.

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Network 7 1,406,000 382,000 411,000 274,000 130,000 209,000
2 THE VICAR OF DIBLEY Network 7 1,074,000 308,000 298,000 232,000 96,000 139,000
3 NINE NEWS SAT Network 9 1,009,000 260,000 329,000 233,000 122,000 64,000
4 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Network 9 1,005,000 268,000 268,000 227,000 102,000 140,000
5 THE GREAT OUTDOORS Network 7 956,000 276,000 302,000 196,000 72,000 109,000
6 BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE 2 Network 9 883,000 292,000 223,000 165,000 95,000 109,000
7 THE BILL Network ABC1 840,000 279,000 238,000 142,000 85,000 95,000
9 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Network TEN 752,000 Not shown 354,000 108,000 165,000 125,000
14 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT Network ABC1 630,000 171,000 215,000 102,000 81,000 61,000
15 SATURDAY AFTERNOON AFL Network TEN 568,000 55,000 243,000 52,000 133,000 84,000
18 TOP GEAR: BEHIND THE SCENES RPT Network SBS 498,000 191,000 121,000 73,000 59,000 55,000
29 M-KING ARTHUR Network 7 279,000 140,000 Not shown 139,000 Not shown Not shown
Continued here

• by David Dale at 04:21 PM
• Comments (65)

WHO WE ARE: Roll play

To discuss why Australians are in retreat from reality, go to The Tribal Mind

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 15/6/2008
The prime minister's recent claim that eating a dud dagwood dog (pluto pup, battered sav) had caused him to drive the porcelain bus (do a technicolour yawn, fertilise the footpath) provoked a flurry of media nostalgia about iconic foodstuffs. It seems the riskier an item may be for our health, the more fondly we remember it. Since this column's mission is to quantify the behavior of Australians, I have attempted a list, on which I'd like your feedback (if that's not another synonym for what the PM did).

THE TITANS OF TAKEAWAY (great moments in portable edibles)

1 The Chiko roll. Inspired by the Chinese spring roll, Frank McEnroe of Bendigo, Victoria, created in 1951 a cylinder of thick dough wrapped around a mixture of chopped vegetables that seem to include carrot and cabbage plus meat which may be chicken. Deep frozen ready to be deep fried, it spread across the milk bars and fish and chip shops of a naive nation.

2 The hamburger with beetroot. The notion that any good burger produces pink juice which runs down your arm was so embedded in our national psyche that in 1999 McDonald's departed from its attempt to unite the world around the Big Mac and recruited hundreds of beetroot growers in Queensland to help develop an item unique to the Australian market: the McOz. It doesn't match the original.

3 The pizza with pineapple. This combination horrifies people from Naples (where the pizza was invented around 100 BC) but it's a classic case of the way Australians "adopt and adapt" to make international specialties our own. My preference is to order a pizza (with pineapple) and, when it arrives, break an egg over it and put it immediately under a (preheated) griller. It should stay there just long enough to set the white without hardening the yolk. Then I hit the yolk with a fork and eat the pizza as the yellow spreads across. That's a Pizza Australiana.

4 Hot chips. We prefer them thick and rectangular in the English tradition rather than thin and pointy in the French and American style.

5 Pad Thai. Rice noodles with chilli, egg, assorted vegetables and a protein which is usually chicken but which may be duck, pork or prawn. It's within months of replacing spag bol as the national noodle.

6 Gosleme. Supposedly from Turkey, it's a kind of pancake stuffed with spinach, cheese and spicy beef mince. At Fox Studios market every Saturday, a brigade of round women with headscarves and harem pants engage in a perfectly synchronised ballet in which they roll, smear, fold, fry, turn and slice thousands of goslemes, little knowing how they symbolize The New Australia.

7 The potato scallop. Until I was in my 20s I did not know a scallop could be a kind of shellfish. To me it was a slice of potato deep fried in batter, which I bought for threepence on my way home from school. The name probably comes from the French "escalopes", which implies a rounded shape.

8 The Neenish tart. A coracle of pastry containing a dollop of jam and a lump of fake cream, topped with a semicircle of chocolate icing and a semicircle of vanilla icing. The name is a mystery. If the pizza comes from Italy and the Chiko comes from China, does the name "Neenish" hint at a national origin? The country that gave us Neenish tarts would be Narnia, I suppose.

Nominate our nation's iconic takeaways, or explain Neens, at Comments

• by David Dale at 03:45 PM
• Comments (56)

The Who We Are Update: Week 24

This week of the media blog is now history. To join the latest discussion, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss the best MacGuffins of movie history, go to The Tribal Mind
To discuss whether Australians are too dumb to function in modern life, go to Who We Are

What Austraia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Network 7 1,353,000 421,000 337,000 271,000 120,000 204,000
2 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Network 9 1,102,000 297,000 382,000 220,000 128,000 76,000
3 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Network 9 1,068,000 280,000 338,000 190,000 120,000 139,000
4 RICHIE RICH -RPT Network 9 989,000 310,000 228,000 245,000 86,000 121,000
5 BED OF ROSES Network ABC1 961,000 293,000 305,000 183,000 76,000 104,000
6 ABC NEWS-SAT Network ABC1 900,000 245,000 302,000 171,000 80,000 102,000
7 THE GREAT OUTDOORS Network 7 877,000 259,000 274,000 169,000 75,000 99,000
9 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Network TEN 841,000 117,000 351,000 60,000 209,000 105,000
10 THE BILL Network ABC1 830,000 224,000 282,000 151,000 69,000 105,000
16 SATURDAY AFTERNOON AFL Network TEN 636,000 83,000 280,000 83,000 119,000 72,000
17 TOP GEAR: THE CHALLENGES SPECIAL Network SBS 540,000 176,000 167,000 103,000 48,000 47,000
18 SEVEN'S R.U: AUS V IRE Network 7 506,000 293,000 23,000 152,000 18,000 19,000
32 ROAD TO BEIJING Network 7 308,000 106,000 78,000 50,000 38,000 36,000
33 SATURDAY DISNEY Network 7 283,000 70,000 104,000 46,000 34,000 29,000
37 BOWLS: PBA WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS Network ABC1 253,000 89,000 55,000 67,000 30,000 12,000

The ratings race, updated 10 am Saturday
Channel 9 : Footy 567,000
Channel 2: British dramas 1.03m and 889,000.
Channel 10: Big Bother 977,000 followed by a "Chick Flick" starring Hugh Grant or Julia Roberts or Sandra Bullock. Preferably containing all 3 actors. 619,000
Channel 7: Better Homes & Gardens 1.61m & after that who cares as BHG will rack up enough numbers to win Friday night

What Australia watched, Friday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Network 7 1,610,000 493,000 491,000 258,000 151,000 217,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Network 7 1,515,000 439,000 362,000 297,000 161,000 256,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Network 7 1,299,000 377,000 303,000 231,000 158,000 230,000
4 HOME AND AWAY Network 7 1,242,000 390,000 316,000 203,000 118,000 216,000
5 NINE NEWS Network 9 1,218,000 326,000 414,000 253,000 134,000 92,000
6 A CURRENT AFFAIR Network 9 1,162,000 301,000 463,000 232,000 94,000 72,000
9 SILENT WITNESS Network ABC1 1,033,000 314,000 303,000 191,000 112,000 113,000
10 BIG BROTHER - FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE Network TEN 977,000 245,000 288,000 199,000 123,000 121,000
11 DEAL OR NO DEAL Network 7 896,000 239,000 242,000 183,000 108,000 125,000
12 SPOOKS Network ABC1 889,000 272,000 253,000 183,000 89,000 93,000
17 BIG BROTHER Network TEN 774,000 220,000 219,000 149,000 82,000 104,000
19 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 12: ESSENDON VS WEST COAST Network 7 670,000 11,000 373,000 12,000 109,000 166,000
21 BRIDGET JONES' DIARY RPT Network TEN 619,000 182,000 192,000 89,000 80,000 76,000
22 MILLION DOLLAR WHEEL OF FORTUNE Network 9 594,000 168,000 220,000 83,000 76,000 47,000
23 NINE'S LIVE FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Network 9 567,000 377,000 178,000 12,000
Continued here.

• by David Dale at 05:21 AM
• Comments (73)

WHO WE ARE: A forrest of Gumps

To discuss what went wrong with Indiana Jones, and to nominate the mightiest MacGuffins of moviedom, go to The Tribal Mind
To learn how a typical Australian family behaves, go to Who We Are

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 8/6/2008
Are most people in Australia too dumb to function in the modern world, or is this only true for most people in South Australia? These questions are raised by a throwaway line in a widely ignored report called SA Stats May 2008, just published by the Bureau of Statistics. It contains this explosive proposition:

"Only 30% of South Australians aged 15 to 74 were assessed to have adequate problem solving skills in the 2006 Adult Literacy and Life Skills Survey."

So the bureau is saying that 70 per cent of South Australians have inadequate problem solving skills. It's a large claim to be buried in a small report. This column has never been one to seek cheap laughs, so we must all restrain ourselves from observing that this might explain much about South Australia's best known export, the Baron Alexander Downer.

We have an obligation to examine the report more closely. The bureau says that in 2006, it tested a sample of 8,988 Australians aged 15 to 74 on four qualities: prose literacy; document literacy; numeracy; and problem solving. It was checking how many people displayed skills which are "the minimum required for individuals to meet the complex demands of everyday life and work in the emerging knowledge-based economy".

Since the bad news emerged in a report on South Australia, you'd assume it was the State that performed worst. Closer examination reveals that this was not the case. Here's the state and territory breakdown: In the Northern Territory, 72 per cent of people were assessed as having less than adequate problem solving skills; in Queensland, 70.8; in Victoria, 70.6; in NSW, 70.3; in South Australia, 69.6; in Tasmania 69.1 and in Canberra 54.5. Apparently there are dumber places on the continent than South Australia.

As the bureau describes the tests, this is what 15.1 million Australians can do: "Tasks in this level typically require the respondent to make simple inferences, based on limited information stemming from a familiar context. Tasks in this level are rather concrete with a limited scope of reasoning."

And this is what 10.6 million Australians cannot do: "Some tasks in this level require the respondent to order several objects according to given criteria. Other tasks require the respondent to determine a sequence of actions/events or to construct a solution by taking non-transparent or multiple interdependent constraints into account. The reasoning process goes back and forth in a non-linear manner, requiring a good deal of self-regulation. At this level respondents often have to cope with multi-dimensional or ill-defined goals."

The only good news is that we seem to be smarter than Canada, where 31.6 per cent have "adequate" problem solving skills (to our 32.2 per cent). But we are dumber than Norway (39.2 per cent) and Switzerland (33.8).

Now hold on a minute. The bureau is telling us that two thirds of the people in Switzerland, one of the richest countries on the planet, with no natural resources apart from snow, do not have the problem solving skills to function in modern life. Before we start beating up on ourselves, it may be time for the testers to reassess their definition of "adequate".

Click here to read the bureau's full report, and tell us what you think at Comments.

• by David Dale at 04:44 PM
• Comments (67)

WHO WE ARE: Is 42 million hours a day oxymoronic?

To discuss Agnetha's ass and the top-selling CDs of all time, go to The Tribal Mind

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 1/6/2008
The term "Australian culture" -- labelled an oxymoron only by the terminally cynical -- was thrown around a lot last week. Some aesthetically advanced people wrote to the prime minister suggesting that the international image of AC would be damaged by recent police action against photos of semi-naked children. It's the right time to ask "What IS Australian culture?" and fortuitously, the Bureau of Statistics has just come up with an answer.

A report entitled Arts and Culture in Australia: A statistical overview, 2008 includes a survey which showed how much time Australians spend on various activities. The bureau found, for example, that 87 per cent of Australians over the age of 14 watch TV for an average of 179 minutes a day, which leads to the calculation that the nation spends a total of 42 million hours each day getting culturally enriched by the likes of Gordon Ramsay, Anna Coren and Dannii Minogue. Applying this process to other entertainments, we can create this chart ...

The main ingredients of Australian culture
1 Watching television (42 million hours a day)
2 Listening to the radio (15.9 million hours a day)
3 Reading (8.9 million hours. The Bureau also established that 77 per cent of us read newspapers, 58 per cent read magazines and 48 per cent read books at least once a week)
4 Outdoor activities -- playing sport, exercising (6.2 million hours)
5 "Audiovisual media" -- using a computer (5.8m)
6 "Games/ hobbies/ arts/ crafts" (4.9m)
7 Video/ DVD watching (2.4m)
8 Visiting entertainment and cultural venues (1.3m)
9 Religious activities/ ritual ceremonies (1.3m)
10 Listening to recorded music (1.1m).

Clearly the definition of culture there is pretty broad. Many people would argue the term AC should be confined to Number 8 on the chart. Yet again, the bureau has dug out the details ...

Our most attended cultural activities
1. Cinema (65 per cent of Australians go at least once a year)
2 Zoos and aquariums (35.6 per cent)
3 Libraries (34.1)
4 Botanic gardens (33.7)
5 Popular music concerts (25.2)
6 Art galleries (22.7)
7 Museums (22.6)
8 Theatre performances (17.0)
9 "Other performing arts" (16.6)
10 Musicals and operas (16.3)

The Bureau notes that the most culturally-inclined Australians are women over 45: "Apart from popular music concerts, a higher proportion of females than males attended each venue or event. The difference was most apparent for local, state and national libraries (41% of females compared with 27% of males) and musicals and operas (21% compared with 12%). People aged 15-24 years were those most likely to attend popular music concerts and the cinema, while people aged 25-44 years were those most likely to visit zoological parks and aquariums. By comparison, people aged 45-64 years were those most likely to attend classical music concerts and musicals and operas."

The bureau has also been able to guage our interest in AC by how much we spend on it: "Australian households spent 4.1 per cent of their total expenditure on cultural goods and services." Households spent the largest amounts on books (on average $3.94 a week), televisions ($3.41), Pay TV fees ($2.69) and newspapers ($2.56).

The bureau has even measured by how much Australians have become more cultural recently: "Between 1998-99 and 2003-04, total household expenditure on culture increased from $26.74 to $36.40 per week." The number of people employed in "cultural industries" now stands at 296,183 - which is a pretty big contribution to the economy.

All round, we're a bloody cultural crowd. Aren't you sorry now about your quip that AC is an oxymoron? Unless you disagree with the definition. Go to Comments if you'd like to discuss what AC might be.

• by David Dale at 02:14 PM
• Comments (8)

WHO WE ARE: The land of big buyers

To discuss Australia's greatest screen heroes, go to The Tribal Mind

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 25/5/2008
You want to be typical, doncha? Unless you want to be exceptional. Either way, you need to know what typical is before you can rejoice in your empathy with the masses or in your elite status far above them. That's where this column and the research organisation ACNielsen come in.

Every two years the Nielsen boffins do a survey of the 100 products most purchased in Australian supermarkets, and every two years this column uses it to generate a portrait of a day in the life of a typical Australian family (lets call them Michael and Julie Jones, their daughter Jessica, 19, and their son Ben, 14). Here's Australia through its shopping habits, 2008:

The Joneses wake up and head for the bathroom, where they wipe with Kleenex Cottonelle, shampoo with Pantene and deodorise with Rexona. Michael shaves with Gillette and Julie and Jessica insert Libra.

In the kitchen, Ben feeds Whiskas to Soxie and Pedigree Pal to Max, and spreads Vegemite on toasted Tip Top for himself. Michael and Julie pour Paul's into their Nescafe Blend 43 and over their Weet-Bix.

Jessica swallows a glass of Golden Circle pineapple and a tub of Yoplait. On the way to her bus, she smokes a Winfield (the first of her four for the day) and chews an Extra so her breath won't smell.

Julie puts on a load with Omo, makes Ben a sandwich with Bega cheese and Hans salami, and drives him to school in their silver Holden Commodore.

For lunch Julie makes herself a can of Campbell's. Jessica has an Uncle Toby's muesli bar and a couple of squares of Cadbury's. When he gets some from school Ben has a packet of Smith's and a glass of Milo. When she gets home from work, Jessica has two Tim Tams and a can of Diet Coke. Julie's afternoon tea is Arnott's Shapes.

For dinner, Julie makes a sauce with Leggo's tomato paste, McCain frozen peas and John West tuna, to put over San Remo rigatoni. Michael drinks a can of VB, Julie has a glass of Jacob's Creek chardonnay. For dessert they eat Goulburn Valley tinned fruit with Peter's icecream.

Julie covers the leftovers with Glad, to avoid attracting cockroaches (although she sprays with Mortein once a week). They wash up with Finish and brush with Colgate. Then they watch TV, using a remote powered by Energiser.

Jessica goes out for a drink with her boyfriend and they end up at his place. If he used a condom, it would be Ansell, but he doesn't, so in ten months time Jessica will be buying Huggies.

Now you know the products that make the most money in Australian supermarkets. Only two of the brands I mentioned are made by Australian companies - and we'll get to that issue next week.

To discuss what all this says about Australians, go to Comments

• by David Dale at 03:10 PM
• Comments (16)

The Who We Are update: week 24

This week of David Dale's media blog is now history. To join the latest discussion, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss Agnetha's end and the top-selling CDs of all time, go to The Tribal Mind
To discuss whether Australians are too dumb to function in modern life, go to Who We Are

The ratings race, updated 10 am Sunday
Yesterday this column launched a not-for-proifit competition for the tiny elite of readers who look at this blog at the weekend, predicated on this:

"A stunning performance by Better Homes and Gardens has shattered the complacency of Channel Nine and turned the ratings into a race again. With one night to go in the official week, the prime time audience shares stand at: ABC 17.4%; Seven 28.5%; Nine 28.1%; Ten 20.5%; SBS 5.5%.

I hereby invite readers to predict who will win the week, based on tonight's offerings: Funniest Home Videos and The Cat in the Hat on Nine, and The Vicar of Dibley and Unbreakable (or Just Like Heaven in some cities) on Seven. No prize, only the glory of displaying your understanding of Saturday night psychology. Winners unveiled here tomorrow at 10 am."

OK, now we can reveal how the ratings went. Based on this audience data, which channel do you think won the week? For the answer, go here..

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Network 7 1,291,000 393,000 338,000 261,000 129,000 169,000
2 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Network 9 1,193,000 307,000 458,000 207,000 137,000 84,000
3 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Network 9 1,156,000 311,000 361,000 222,000 137,000 125,000
4 THE VICAR OF DIBLEY Network 7 958,000 296,000 262,000 192,000 90,000 118,000
5 THE GREAT OUTDOORS Network 7 952,000 291,000 278,000 184,000 94,000 105,000
6 ABC NEWS-SAT Network ABC1 915,000 292,000 249,000 187,000 86,000 101,000
7 BED OF ROSES Network ABC1 854,000 241,000 253,000 186,000 84,000 91,000
8 THE CAT IN THE HAT -RPT Network 9 854,000 275,000 261,000 151,000 80,000 87,000
10 THE BILL Network ABC1 824,000 258,000 207,000 151,000 98,000 110,000
11 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Network TEN 814,000 134,000 356,000 60,000 102,000 161,000
16 M-JUST LIKE HEAVEN Network 7 517,000 269,000 97,000 151,000
18 TOP GEAR RPT Network SBS 462,000 165,000 87,000 106,000 57,000 47,000
24 M-UNBREAKABLE Network 7 392,000 223,000 169,000
40 BIG LOVE Network SBS 211,000 74,000 71,000 32,000 19,000 15,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 09:01 AM
• Comments (89)

The Who We Are update: Week 23

This week of David Dale's media blog is now history. For the latest discussion, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss whether "Australian culture" is an oxymoron, go to Who We Are
To discuss Australia's greatest screen heroes, go to The Tribal Mind

The ratings week ended with these prime time audience shares: ABC 17.8% Seven 27.5% Nine 27.7% Ten 20.9% SBS 6.0% (though Seven points out that it won with viewers under the age of 55).
What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,369,000 314,000 374,000 325,000 132,000 224,000
2 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,139,000 303,000 354,000 228,000 143,000 111,000
3 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 1,067,000 242,000 302,000 211,000 146,000 167,000
4 BED OF ROSES ABC 1,018,000 288,000 296,000 202,000 104,000 127,000
5 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC 963,000 254,000 324,000 175,000 94,000 117,000
6 THE GREAT OUTDOORS Seven 960,000 256,000 268,000 220,000 95,000 122,000
9 THE BILL ABC 802,000 235,000 229,000 147,000 98,000 93,000
10 SPY KIDS -RPT Nine 797,000 195,000 233,000 145,000 82,000 142,000
11 M-STARSKY & HUTCH Seven 741,000 208,000 167,000 179,000 82,000 105,000
12 GARDENING AUSTRALIA ABC 739,000 155,000 280,000 132,000 82,000 90,000
13 THE RICH LIST Seven 715,000 170,000 171,000 190,000 97,000 87,000
14 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Ten 682,000 363,000 139,000 88,000 92,000
15 MISS CONGENIALITY -RPT Nine 589,000 239,000 141,000 125,000 84,000
16 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT ABC 583,000 152,000 173,000 112,000 81,000 65,000
17 SATURDAY AFTERNOON AFL Ten 568,000 66,000 188,000 64,000 71,000 179,000
20 TOP GEAR RPT SBS 487,000 137,000 119,000 113,000 75,000 44,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 05:23 AM
• Comments (118)

WHO WE ARE: Momentous moments

To discuss whether Australians are mini-Americans, go to The Tribal Mind
A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 18/5/2008
We rage and whinge about television programming, but no medium can match it for uniting a nation around emotional events. Over the past few weeks, this column has been seeking your views on the dramas and comedies shown on the box over the past 52 years (click here for that discussion). In the process we failed to see the elephant in the room. No episode of a drama or comedy series has ever attracted more than half the population, but plenty of other things have. Here's an attempt to rank the moments that moved the majority of us.

The most watched events in Australian television history
1 The funeral of Diana Spencer (1997)
2 The Sydney Olympics opening ceremony (2000)
3 Cathy Freeman's gold medal Olympic run (2000)
4 Wedding of Prince Charles and Diana Spencer (1981)
5 The first human to walk on the moon (1969)
6 The first TV showing of The Sound of Music (1977)
7 The Australian Open tennis Men's Final Hewitt v Safin (2005)
8 Twin towers reportage, September 12 (2001)
9 The boxing match between Lionel Rose and Alan Rudkin (1969)
10 The Rugby World Cup final (2003)
11 The World of the Seekers concert documentary (1968)
12 The Beaconsfield miners rescue (2006)
13 Australian Idol final verdict (2003)
14 The Block auction (2003)
15 The AFL grand final (1996).

That's the impression of Australia's priorities we gain from the raw ratings data. Moving from the statistical to the theoretical, I've also attempted a personal judgement on social symbolism, which I'd better put in historical order.

The most significant moments in Australian television history
1 Homicide becomes the first Australian drama to outrate a top US drama (The Fugitive) (1966).
2 Number 96 shows TV's first gay kiss (1974).
3 Graham Kennedy is banned from live television for doing crow imitations that start with an "f" (1975).
4 AC/DC make the first successful Australian music video clip It's A Long Way To The Top (if you want to rock and roll)' (1977).
5 The Governor-General, Sir John Kerr, seems drunk at the Melbourne Cup (1977)
6 Kerry Packer launches World Series Cricket (1978).
7 The Grim Reaper commercials warn about AIDS (1987).
8 Charlene (Kylie Minogue) marries Scott (Jason Donovan) in Neighbours (1987).
9 Bob Hawke admits infidelity and cries, on Clive Robertson's Newsworld (1989).
10 Normie Rowe and Ron Casey fight over republicanism on The Midday Show (1991).
11 Kerry Packer pulls off Doug Mulray's Naughtiest Home Videos halfway through the first episode, apparently because of a display of kangaroo genitals (1997).
12 The Block features gay renovators (2003).
13 Kevin Rudd starts his rise by doing weekly banter sessions with Joe Hockey on Sunrise (2003).
14 Big Brother contestant Merlin protests detention of boat people by olding up a sign "Free th refugees" (2004)
15 Steve Irwin holds his baby while feeding a crocodile (2004).
16 Pauline Hanson moves from politician to celebrity on Dancing With The Stars (2004).
17 Channel Ten expels contestants Ash and John from the Big Brother house for attempting to "turkey slap" contestant Camilla (2006).
18 The Chaser team show their arrest for breaching security at the APEC summit (2007).

What did I miss? If you'd care to suggest more interesting TV moments, or dispute the significance of the ones on the list, go to Comments

• by David Dale at 08:59 AM
• Comments (15)

The Who We Are update: Week 22

This week of David Dale's media blog is now history. To join the latest discussion, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss whether Australians are mini-Americans, go to The Tribal Mind
To discuss the most significant moments in the history of Australian television, go to Who We Are

The ratings race, updated 10 am Saturday
Australia's suburban houseprouderie won Friday night for Channel Seven, but it was not enough to give Seven the week. The final prime time audience shares averaged: ABC 18.0% Seven 26.8% Nine 28.3% Ten 21.1% SBS 5.8%. But of course tonight's Eurovision song contest final will give SBS a head start for the new week.

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,336,000 379,000 443,000 248,000 133,000 132,000
2 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,145,000 342,000 394,000 182,000 142,000 85,000
3 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 1,101,000 336,000 309,000 214,000 122,000 120,000
4 BED OF ROSES ABC 970,000 281,000 323,000 190,000 87,000 89,000
5 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC 946,000 273,000 309,000 205,000 78,000 82,000
6 THE GREAT OUTDOORS Seven 868,000 255,000 274,000 184,000 86,000 69,000
7 BRING IT ON -RPT Nine 825,000 271,000 194,000 158,000 104,000 98,000
8 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Ten 806,000 393,000 62,000 158,000 193,000
9 THE BILL ABC 781,000 223,000 243,000 150,000 80,000 86,000
12 THE RICH LIST Seven 729,000 232,000 218,000 132,000 76,000 71,000
13 SATURDAY AFTERNOON AFL Ten 676,000 124,000 204,000 54,000 118,000 177,000
16 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT ABC 569,000 149,000 170,000 97,000 92,000 62,000
21 EUROVISION SONG CONTEST 2008: SECOND SEMI FINAL SBS 421,000 127,000 166,000 57,000 33,000 37,000
26 M-MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD Seven 277,000 178,000 100,000
27 ABBA THE MOVIE SBS 262,000 105,000 65,000 34,000 27,000 29,000
Continued here

• by David Dale at 11:24 AM
• Comments (111)

WHO WE ARE: Standout comedy

To discuss which DVDs have the best extras, go to The Tribal Mind

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 11/5/2008
Whenever Australians are asked to describe the core characteristics of this nation, two phrases keep coming up: "laidback attitude" and "sense of humour", which together add up to an eagerness to laugh at ourselves. It's no surprise, then, that the most successful locally made programs in the history of television have been comedies.

In recent weeks this column has been trying to bring some order to the chaos that is Australia's taste in entertainment. I've chronicled our favourite movies, most successful actors and most watched TV shows, and sought your votes on whether the most popular were necessarily the most significant. After last week's column, which identified the top dramas of all time as Homicide, Blue Heelers, All Saints and Home and Away, many readers complained that I had left out, in order of importance, Wildside, The Sullivans, Phoenix, Flying Doctors, Bellbird, Matlock, MDA, Love My Way, Cop Shop, Stingers and Blue Murder.

No doubt there will be similar outcries about what's missing from the list below, which is an attempt to rank the comedies which had both high ratings and long life. Once again quantity is not necessarily the same as quality, but this is designed to get the conversation started ...

The most watched Australian comedies of all time:
1 Hey Dad (1984-94)
2 The Paul Hogan Show (1973-1982)
3 Kath and Kim (2002- )
4 The Comedy Company (1988-1991)
5 The Normal Gunston Show (1975-79)
6 The Mavis Bramston Show (1964-68)
7 Fast Forward/ Full Frontal (1989-1998)
8 Mother and Son (1984-1994)
9 Thank God You're Here (2006-)
10 The Chaser team under various titles (2002-)
11 All Aussie Adventures (2001-03)
12 Frontline (1994-97)
13 Summer Heights High (2007)
14 Kingswood Country (1979-1984)
15 The Naked Vicar Show (1977-78)
16 The D Generation (1986-89)
17 My Name's McGooley, What's Yours (1967-69)
18 Acropolis Now (1989-1992)
19 The Aunty Jack Show (1972-75)
20 The Games (1998-2000)

(I sneaked the last one in because I'm hoping John Clarke will do a version for this year, although the Olympics are probably too close now for it to be feasible.)

It's interesting to note from the chart that Australia's favourite form of TV comedy leans more towards sketches than to sitcoms (which we tend to leave to the experts - America). Even series that purport to be sitcoms were mostly born out of sketches and are structured as fast scenes rather than continuous narratives - Kingswood Country grew from The Naked Vicar Show, Kath and Kim from Fast Forward, My Name's McGooley from a Gordon Chater character in The Mavis Bramston Show, Acropolis Now from Wogs Out of Work on stage.

This may lead you to the view that Australians should add a third quality when they are attempting to describe the national character - along with our laid back attitude and our sense of humour, Australians have a terribly short attention span. Which is no bad thing, since it gives us an ability to multi-task and an enthusiasm for new ideas.

If you'd care to discuss that, or nominate other shows that deserve a place in the Australian TV comedy hall of fame, go to Comments

• by David Dale at 02:35 PM
• Comments (62)

WHO WE ARE: Dramatic irony

To discuss the psychological damage caused by Louie The Fly, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 4/5/2008
Australians no longer love to see their own stories on the big screen, but on the small screen, they're just besotted with themselves.

Advance orders for the DVD of the series Underbelly suggest it could top the 250,000 copies sold since November by Summer Heights High. Among TV dramas last year, City Homicide and Sea Patrol outrated the US behemoths Desperate Housewives and House.

Among the 100 top selling DVDs of the past three years, there are only two Australian films -- Kenny and Happy Feet (described by its director, George Miller, as an "international movie") -- but four Australian TV series: Summer Heights High, Thank God You're Here, Kath and Kim and McLeod's Daughters.

It's time to celebrate our heritage on the box and seek your view on what were the greatest Australian TV dramas of all time (I'll save the comedies for next week). Recently readers of this column have voted on the greatest Australian movies (Chopper, Lantana, and Breaker Morant) and the greatest Australian actors (Cate Blanchett, Geoffrey Rush, and Hugo Weaving, though some readers scolded me for failing to nominate Judy Davis, Rachel Griffiths, Wendy Hughes, Bryan Brown, Richard Roxburgh, Peter Finch, and Errol Flynn). Now it's the telly's turn.

As I've pointed out already, quantity is not the same as quality. Top rating doesn't always mean most significant. But popularity and longevity give us a basis for discussion. I calculated a "success index" for all the major Australian series of the past 50 years, by multiplying the average audience in the mainland capitals by the number of years the show was broadcast.

Thus Blue Heelers, which varied between 2 million and 1.3 million over its 12 year life, got a success index of 20. Home and Away has averaged just under a million over its 20 years, and scored 19.

Problems only arise when we go back to years when ratings data was less reliable and expressed in terms of percentage of sets in use rather than number of viewers. Homicide, for example, played for 11 years and at its peak was reaching 40 per cent of viewers in Sydney and Melbourne -- a feat which would be the equivalent of rating 2 million these days. So its index was an estimate, and I'm confessing upfront that this chart is more art than science. But it's a start ...

The most successful Australian TV dramas of all time
1 Homicide (1964-1975)
2 Blue Heelers (1994-2006)
3 All Saints (1998-)
4 Home and Away (1988-)
5 McLeod's Daughters (2001-2008)
6 A Country Practice (1981-1993)
7 Water Rats (1996-2001)
8 Prisoner (1979-1987)
9 Division 4 (1969-1974)
10 The Secret Life of Us (2001-2004)
11 Seachange (1998-2000)
12 Number 96 (1972-1976)
13 Neighbours (1986-)
14 A Town Like Alice (1981)
15 Against the Wind (1978)

What did I miss? And which of those make you most proud to be Australian? Click on Comments to join the discussion ...

• by David Dale at 02:21 PM
• Comments (63)

The Who We Are Update: Week 19

This week of the blog is now history. For the latest discussion of media, go here.
For the results of The Bogie Awards 2008, go to The Tribal Mind.

So far this week, the average audience shares in prime time stand at: ABC 16.6% Seven 27.1% Nine 26.1% Ten 25.2% SBS 5.1%..

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 DOC MARTIN ABC 1,507,000 448,000 409,000 328,000 155,000 168,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,289,000 381,000 346,000 245,000 132,000 186,000
3 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 1,094,000 274,000 326,000 230,000 126,000 139,000
4 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,043,000 283,000 315,000 212,000 136,000 97,000
5 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC 1,001,000 294,000 288,000 204,000 112,000 103,000
6 THE VICAR OF DIBLEY Seven 947,000 282,000 223,000 213,000 83,000 146,000
7 THE GREAT OUTDOORS Seven 935,000 290,000 232,000 174,000 105,000 134,000
11 The BILL ABC 808,000 269,000 218,000 169,000 58,000 94,000
12 FAWLTY TOWERS Seven 775,000 238,000 185,000 160,000 54,000 137,000
13 RACING STRIPES -RPT Nine 758,000 209,000 219,000 149,000 71,000 110,000
14 M-PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL Seven 733,000 260,000 232,000 157,000 84,000
16 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Ten 710,000 391,000 51,000 170,000 97,000
17 SATURDAY AFTERNOON AFL Ten 628,000 58,000 294,000 80,000 107,000 89,000
19 TOP GEAR RPT SBS 471,000 146,000 177,000 77,000 52,000 19,000
26 IPL TWENTY20 CRICKET - LIVE/DELAYED Ten 326,000 96,000 117,000 22,000 53,000 37,000
27 NINE'S SATURDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 324,000 130,000 14,000 169,000 6,000 5,000
87 MY KID'S A STAR Nine 79,000 24,000 34,000 13,000 8,000 Not shown in Perth

• by David Dale at 10:01 AM
• Comments (65)

The Who We Are update: Week 18

This week of the blog is now a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. For the latest discussion of television, go here.
For the results of The Bogie Awards 2008, go to The Tribal Mind.
The ratings race, updated 10am Saturday
At this point in the week, the average audience shares in prime time are: ABC 15.7% Seven 29.9% Nine 26.9% Ten 22.4% SBS 5.2%. Nine is relying on Harry Potter to save its bacon on Saturday night, but Channel Seven has put a big gun against the boy wizard: Basil Fawlty.

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 DOC MARTIN ABC 1,429,000 363,000 415,000 331,000 137,000 184,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,358,000 404,000 372,000 278,000 154,000 149,000
3 HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE Nine 1,273,000 405,000 344,000 217,000 141,000 166,000
4 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 1,154,000 343,000 336,000 234,000 131,000 110,000
5 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,050,000 279,000 370,000 213,000 129,000 59,000
6 THE GREAT OUTDOORS Seven 1,025,000 338,000 292,000 183,000 110,000 102,000
7 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC 1,022,000 280,000 304,000 219,000 94,000 125,000
8 THE VICAR OF DIBLEY Seven 963,000 269,000 269,000 179,000 99,000 146,000
9 FAWLTY TOWERS Seven 839,000 257,000 247,000 124,000 56,000 156,000
10 ABC NEWS UPDATE ABC 745,000 211,000 208,000 150,000 59,000 117,000
11 BILL ABC 721,000 203,000 235,000 137,000 54,000 92,000
13 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Ten 672,000 323,000 51,000 122,000 176,000
14 GARDENING AUSTRALIA ABC 671,000 157,000 214,000 132,000 87,000 79,000
15 A TOUCH OF FROST (R) Seven 633,000 195,000 172,000 107,000 69,000 91,000
16 KEEPING UP APPEARANCES Seven 595,000 183,000 132,000 134,000 87,000 59,000
20 TOP GEAR (SERIES 1) SBS 467,000 128,000 118,000 130,000 55,000 35,000
26 IPL TWENTY20 CRICKET - LIVE/DELAYED Ten 349,000 117,000 92,000 50,000 41,000 49,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

• by David Dale at 08:36 AM
• Comments (76)