The Sun-Herald

WHO WE ARE: There once was a limerick contest/ From which we have chosen the ten best ...

... We hope ute and chilli,
Weren't requirements too silly.
And thank you for joining the love fest.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 7/2/2010
The task was to compose a limerick that included the words chilli and ute. The prize for the ten wittiest was a copy of The Little Book of Australia. The total number of entries was 206.

Some readers transcended the temptation to rhyme the key words with willy and root; many found ways to make political statements; and several took the opportunity to dispute answers in the patriotic quiz this column constructed two weeks ago. For example, a question on who invented the Paddle Pop provoked this response:

"Dear David, As the great nieces of Edwin Street we definitely knew the answer to this question. But to our horror our answer did not correspond to your answer. We were the original taste testers of the Paddle Pop which was invented by our father, Ronald Street, the nephew of Edwin (better known as Ted). Ted actually told our father it would be 'a nine day wonder'. Our father proved Ted wrong as the Paddle Pop has been around for over 50 years. We will buy the next version of your Little Book of Australia when the correction has been made! Jennifer, Fiona and Philippa Street."

I will send the Street sisters a copy of The Little Book, with the correction made by hand, and also give their father due recognition (along with their great-uncle) in the next edition. Their online comment inspired our first winner:

David Dale's quiz had some offended,
With a few answers that must be amended.
The three sisters Street
Gave some Paddle Pop heat.
Dave, your chilli-red ute's been rear-ended
(Suzanne)

In no particular order, these were the other recipients of The Little Book of Australia:

There once was a bowlful of chilli.
Aussies ate it and didn't feel silly.
They loved all the changes,
Different cultures and strangers,
And became friends in their Honda or ute.
(Amanda Taura)

Bruce and his mates in the ute
Gave chilli and tofu the boot.
They ran up the flags,
Barbied lamb and some snags,
Made burgers, of course, with beetroot!
(Kerrie Mead)

Kev once had a car-dealer ute,
That some people said was just loot.
Fair suck of the chilli!
The electorate is hilly.
How else was he meant to commute?
(Caz)

There once was a bloke with a ute
All the chicks thought it was beaut.
He liked to cook chilli
And show them his willy,
And sometimes it got him a root
(John & Sofia Wheeler)

There was a young man in a ute.
Was camped by a billabong, mute.
'Cause under the shade
Not some tea he had made
But spag bol, with chilli to boot!
(Pommie Git)

We Aussies are known for invention.
The ute's an example worth mention,
And the hoist made by Hilly,
Maybe spag bol with chilli.
But pavlova and thongs are exemption(s).
(Philip Kendall)

Oz bloke and shiela in ute.
Kids, dog and esky to boot.
Multicultural chilli.
Tea from the billi.
Our cuisine these days is a hoot!
(Graham Wood)

The ute, a type of a car,
Does not define who we are.
And equally silly
Is the notion that chilli
Projects our image afar.
(Greg Raffin)

There once was a farmer called Willi
Who planted genetically modified chilli.
When it started to shoot,
It devoured his ute.
I hope no one else is so silly!
(Ria Jansen)

You can read every entry, including the ones sent in by email, by going to limericks and more limericks.

To discuss why Avatar won't make $100 million, why Kristina Keneally will win the NSW election, and/ or why MasterChef won't get the same audience this year, go to The Tribal Mind.

David Dale is the author of The Little Book of Australia -- A snapshot of who we are (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.