The Sun-Herald

There was a young man named Lute
Who drove a fantastic black ute
He filled it with chilli
Now that's a bit silly
But he just thought it a hoot!

• by judith rostron on January 24, 2010 at 09:53 AM

Sam was a brute
Wouldnt fit in the back of ute
Then there was Millie
As hot as chilli
A couple they made - the brute and the cute!

• by mick on January 24, 2010 at 10:26 AM

Hope this isn't too rude, my kids liked it anyway:

There was a young man named Billy,
Who often ate far too much chilli,
Then one day in his ute,
His bowels gave a toot,
And blew away poor Billy's willy!

• by phil on January 24, 2010 at 10:28 AM

David, were you being deliberately provocative when you used the word "ranch" in an Australia Day quiz? For Heaven's sake, the first line in the verse is "There was movement at the station"!
Question28, Australia's tallest mountain is Big Ben on Heard Island. Mt.Kosciuszko is the tallest one on the Australian mainland.

• by Ann Clydsdale on January 24, 2010 at 11:13 AM

Wazza and Cheryl deGroot
put thier kids in the back of the ute
just as Aussie as chilli
they arrived willy nilly
just in time for the Australia Day hoot

• by Nettie on January 24, 2010 at 12:14 PM

there was a young man and his ute
who many girls thought was real cute
he once ate some chilli
it affected his willi
and now he thinks its a beaut

• by graham reed on January 24, 2010 at 01:27 PM

A beautiful young girl called Millie
Loved to eat all her food with much chlli
Whilst driving her Ute
She spilt much on her suit
Now wasn't that wasteful and silly!
Wilhelmina Jongejans

I'm quite annoyed at my older bro
He ate chilli all day, don�t you know?
Then this disgusting brute
Let his bowels go in my Ute
Now it smells like a sewer in Mexico
Jordan MacArthur

An old dingo called Willie
Loved stealing our billy
Under shade of the ute
He�d dispose of his loot
�Til we made hotpot with chilli
Leanne Terry

She dated a guy she thought cute,
So muscly and handsome - you beaut!
Her passion- hot chilli! -
She found out was silly:
His sole love in life was his ute!
Helen Esmond

A grumpy old Aussie called Bruce,
Liked to sleep in the back of his Ute,
He used too much chilli in food,
His jokes were all crude,
And to strangers seemed horribly rude
Padraic Cunningham

I drove my ute to Bulli
The water was chilli
It rendered me mute
But much more acute
It changed the size of my willi
Bob Andrews

I was out in me ute
And I thought you beaut
Here's a good spot for a leak
With a burn on me willy, I remembered the chilli
Mate, I ran straight for the creek.
Lizzie Semetka

There once was a bloke with a ute.
Who took his shiela out for a root.
As he lay with his filly,
the wind became chilly,
and it rended his penis minute.
Stephen Holt

I went for a ride in my holden ute
You gotta know I felt real beaut
I stopped in Newtown for a bowl of chilli
then I realised this may have been silly
as I dropped my daks and headed for the toot
Mark Ryding

A ute driver, ugly and grotty
Said, "Although my friends thought I'd gone potty,
I wasn't so silly
To eat all that chilli,
'Cause now the girls think i'm a hotty.
Michelle MacArthur

Chilli's on the barbie, mate
blokes have all gone vegan.
Ute's been used for luggin' cake
sheila's bringing pumpkin bake
where's the booze 'n snags n .......
Anne Chalker

In the back of me best mate�s ute
The tucker we scoffed was just beaut!
Til I spilled some hot chilli
On the tip of me willy
I now play with a piccolo flute!
Michael Jury

Was out in my ute,
After crutching and shearing,
When I saw a galoot,
Eating chilli and herring,
"Stone the crows"- I'll puke!
Marilyn Marzol

There was a young man from Beirut,
Who said, "I'll girt round Oz in my ute."
When he boiled the old billy,
He ate falafels with chilli,
And thought "Mate, this Australia is beaut."
Jo Dawson

There once was a bloke with a ute
who filled it with chillis, you beaut!
But when he went into town
his tailgate fell down
and the highway was full of hot loot.
alan dougherty

A handsome young man from Beirut
Bought a 4-wheel drive Aussie ute
Said, I'll find sand dunes hilly
Fill the back with Red chilli
And attract lots of girls that are cute.
OR
A dashing young man named Billy
Lived in a place quite hilly
Wanted a hot ute
So to make it go beaut
He filled the tank with red chilli
Jeff Lewry

here once was a farmer called Willi
who planted genetically modified chilli.
When it started to shoot
it devoured his ute.
I hope no one else is so silly!
Ria Jansen

David the tallest mountain in Australia is in fact Big Ben on Heard island a territory of the Commonwealth of Australia.
Dale was a man who ate chilli
But only whilst boiling his billi
He went to his ute
To get ointment so beut
and spread it on his willi willi.
B.Edson

I once 'pigged' with a bloke called Bill Poot
He was rude, (with a beer gut to boot)
I said 'here you go Billy',
Flicked his eye with a chilli
And he toppled right out of the Ute!
OR 2.
Amelia Jones was a ditz
Drove a ute - 'twas rusted to bits
That car and Milly,
Like water and chilli
Together they just didn't mix.
Susie Chapman

CHILLI UP THE UTE BOYS
CHILLI UP THE UTE
WE'VE GOT TO BE AT THE PUB TONIGHT BOYS
SO, CHILLI UP THE UTE
_____________________________________________
CHILLI=HOT UP
p. taylor

It was getting hilly
The kids in the back were being silly
The ute was straining
It started raining
Perhaps it was time to have more chilli.
Jacqui Lagaluga

there was a young man and his ute
and many girs thought he was cute
he ate some hot chilli
it affected his willi
and now he thinks its a beaut.
graham reed

After attempting your Australia Day quiz, I am embarrassed to admit that, though I am born and bred in this wonderful country, I know Jack about it!!!! A mortifying realisation.
Thank you for bringing my ignorance to my attention.
Please find below my effort at writing a limerick, a feat not attempted by said ignoramous since primary school.
The PM was wearing a suit
As he drove out to Hay in a ute
A farmer named Billy
Had promised him chilli
Old Kevie's response was "You Beaut!"
Naomi Wyndham

There was movement at the station, while packing my ute.
For word had got around, that my chilli bin was root!
But the fellas got together,
Some scotch tape and leather
And saved my beers for the day, you beaut!
Kieron Rooney

IN OZ THERES A THING CALLED A UTE
IT'S A KIND OF A CAR WITH NO BOOT
THE CONCEPTS SO SILLY
ON NIGHTS THAT ARE CHILLI
ESPECIALLY WHEN HAVING A ROOT!!
Brett and Emma Williams

A PM from old Kirribilli
Had a terrible night on the chilli
He got in his ute
Put his mobile on mute
And fluffed off to Indooroopilly
Kevin Keane

Bruce was a great Aussie brute,
Who drove around in his horn adorned ute,
His mates all told him to eat chilli,
Said it would increase the size of his willy
But after a viewing this theory 's now in dispute.
Regards,
Sandra Alley

Now we all know young Mat had a ute,
Which he, and we all thought was beaut,
But his young sort named Millie,
Who ate heaps ofchilli,
Thought it wasn't just beaut, it was cute.
There was a young stunner called Millie,
Who ate heaps of beef with hot chilli.
One night in her ute,
As pissed as a newt,
She proposed to her boyfriend named Billy.
Young Tony, who loved heaps of chilli,
Was also most proud of his willie.
With his sort in his ute,
In his mind was a root,
But along came her big brother Billy.
Judy Brown

• by emailed entries on January 24, 2010 at 02:00 PM

Pippa

Pippa the dog was in my ute
She howled till it wasn�t so cute
Then one day I gave her some chilli
She took a dive and went all silly
Now she stays home with the old coot

• by Rob D on January 24, 2010 at 02:17 PM

2 limericks - one a bit "blue"...
An Aussie in love with his ute
will always seem very cute.
If he also likes chilli
it is rather silly
since it's more like the taste of his boot.
A ute and its owner once parted
are like chilli and beans when you've......
but put them together
and whatever the weather
they're a Mexican Wave that's just started.

• by Helen Bersten on January 24, 2010 at 08:06 PM

Matilda, a girl who was cute,
wanted to ride in a ute
She ate some chilli
Met young Billy
And ended up having to toot!

• by Janice Keane on January 24, 2010 at 09:09 PM

The Australia day Barbie was beaut
Some fresh lamb in the back of the Ute
With the Barbie cooked by Willie
Grandma picking fresh chilli
and Grandpa playing the flute.

• by Matthew Browne on January 25, 2010 at 09:16 AM

There was young lady called Chilli
Her name more descriptive than silly
At the B&S balls
She'd heed the jackaroos calls
And hop in the back of their ute.

• by MT on January 25, 2010 at 09:24 AM

There once was a man from Wollondilly
Who fancied his meat pie with chilli.
He cried out "You beaut!"
Drove off in his ute
And his wife said "You're so bloody silly!"

• by Roxley Ryan on January 25, 2010 at 10:01 AM

There once was a bloke with a ute,
Who used it to steal some hot fruit.
He crammed it with chilli,
Which was really quite silly,
And then he took off with the loot.

• by Annette Woods on January 25, 2010 at 10:56 AM

On the eve of our National Day,
SMH readers all had their say.
Using "chilli" and "ute"
rhymes were far from astute;
and frankly, less than 1 in 10 was okay.

• by Suzanne on January 25, 2010 at 11:17 AM

Are you for real?? Someone has gone to extremes to concoct a quiz which is near impossible to answer correctly!. Give us news..... not opinions!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone replies: Hello, my name is David Dale and I concocted the quiz. Readers were not expected to know every answer. The idea of the quiz -- and the book from which it comes -- was that readers would learn interesting details about their land.

• by jim on January 25, 2010 at 11:30 AM

There was a young bloke called Willy,
Who ate a rather large bowl of chilli,
Then he shouted "You beaut!"
As he jumped in his ute,
And farted his way to Kirribilli

• by Josh B on January 25, 2010 at 12:18 PM

there was ayoung man from kirribilli
who sped up his metabolism with chilli
he found it so beaut
he used them as fuel for his ute
and the beast went from PHOAW toWARPSILLY

• by Andy on January 25, 2010 at 12:59 PM

While accepting a bet rather silly
I agreed to rub in some hot chilli
The I screamed with a hoot
"Get the sav from me ute!"
You see, I agreed to rub it onto my willy.

• by Anth on January 25, 2010 at 01:06 PM

There once was a stoner called Willy
Who decided to get off the billies
By driving his ute
In a blue velvet suit
And dining on nothing but chili

• by smith on January 25, 2010 at 03:03 PM

There once was a talkative brute
Who wouldn’t shut up ‘bout his Ute
So to stop him being silly
We fed him hot chilli
And now he is pleasantly mute

• by Thomas Azzopardi on January 25, 2010 at 03:57 PM

Dazza arrived in his new ute
Shazza commented "It's beaut"
they took off but it was too chilli
Wazza stated "Thats Silly"
"driving with the window downs a hoot"
Chilli - Chilly

• by Reed on January 25, 2010 at 05:40 PM

He drove through Kings Cross in a ute,
To buy Indian food and a root.
He requested no chilli,
For the fire in his willy,
Could burn out a cheap prostitute.

• by Malcolm Griffiths on January 25, 2010 at 07:25 PM

Aussie Day�s great overseas.
Meat pies replace local chillis.
We catch up with our roots,
Speak of old holden utes,
And use phrases like �Where�s the Cheese?�

• by A.K on January 25, 2010 at 11:42 PM

A ute driving lad was sweating in wagga
Indeed only habernero Chilli is hotter
He had some beers by the water
Swam with the Publicans daughter
September 26 was their babies birthday

• by Stuart Hamill on January 26, 2010 at 09:37 AM

'Try washing your Ute for a change'
'Your Girl from Chilli is Strange'
Those two yells met to hard blows
The lesson ihe now knows
is Dont insult a mans wife or his ute

• by Stuart Hamill on January 26, 2010 at 09:48 AM

There once was a young man named Billy
Who covered his meals with hot chilli
He'd get in his ute
Shout "strewth that was beaut"
Then go find some beer and get silly.

• by Bobby on January 26, 2010 at 10:54 AM

There was a young girl called Chilli
Who didn't like anything frilly
She jumped in her ute
And said, You Beaut!
Then drove into the sunset with Billy

• by Sam on January 26, 2010 at 12:38 PM

The chilli is very delicious
Tasty and also nutritious
The red and the green
The long and the lean
By the ute-load, we send them to Mauritius

• by Sam on January 26, 2010 at 02:57 PM

Wayne went out with Jilly
and both had a fine meal of chilli
then they rode in his ute
which had to be beaut
and he thought " What a fine filly!"

• by Janice Keane on January 26, 2010 at 09:18 PM

Hearing "Chile's in 'publican's shoot"
ASIO panicked twittering "Strewth!
Che's mates after Prince Willie!"
But the barman said "Chill! He
is talking chilli dip in the ute"

• by Peter Oliver on January 26, 2010 at 10:23 PM

A galoot in a ute, he
Thought he'd race Jack's Black Beauty.
Didn't know that Jack prepped her
With a hot chilli pepper,
So that all he saw was Black "B-U-T".

• by Peter Oliver on January 27, 2010 at 06:02 AM

Sharon from Shepparton loved chilli
especially on lamb chops spread liberally
on australia day she rode in the back of a ute
bbqing chops and drinking from a blundstone boot
and it put hairs on her chinny chin chinny

• by grimotr on January 27, 2010 at 09:34 AM

There once was a man from Wollondilly
who had a taste for super hot chilli
while driving in his ute
he always gave a toot
and all the sheilas would say "you're so silly?"

• by Smartshade on January 27, 2010 at 10:00 AM

There once lived a bogan named billy,
Oh billy was fond of hot chilli,
In the back of his ute,
Cause utes have no boot,
Would the cricket boys sit and watch good ol’ gilly.

• by Toddy on January 27, 2010 at 11:10 AM

Kev once had a car-dealer ute,
That some people said was just loot.
Fair suck of the chilli!
The electorate is hilly!
How else was he meant to commute?

• by Caz on January 27, 2010 at 11:46 AM

I developed a fuel made from chilli,
To travel a land that's quite hilly,
It powers my ute,
It's economy beaut,
But all of my mates think I'm silly!

• by Brad Parry on January 27, 2010 at 02:40 PM

There is a great land that's "you beaut"
Where locals drive a truck called a ute
They cook bbq's & boil the billy
Eat snags with sauce made from chilli
It's called Australia & that's hard to refute

• by PJ453 on January 28, 2010 at 06:06 AM

Aussie soldiers returning from Dili,
Craved VB and pizza with chilli.
They loaded the ute
And the Holden's boot,
Then ate and drank themselves silly.

• by AW on January 28, 2010 at 02:39 PM

Next year we'll just pick a mute,
who toes the line and looks good in a suit,
with no opinions on detention
or pre-marital abstention...
and... something, something,... chillie and ute.
Darren

There was a Young man with a Ute
He thought it was pretty beaute
He picked up a filly
who had ate too much Chilli
And all she could do was toot!!!!
Michelle Ayers

There was a young bloke called Billy
Who cooked up a really hot chilli
He thought it was beaut
But threw up in his ute
And everyone thought he was silly
Susan Coates

Limerick 1.
The drover had an old rusty ute,
For carrying sheep it was beaut,
He'd boil up his billy,
Whack in lamb and some chilli,
That hungry old drover and his ute.
Limerick 2.
The boy from downunder loved his ute,
He used it for bush-bashing and to shoot,
The roos who loved the land oh so hilly,
The boy loved roo meat with chilli,
That boy from downunder and his ute.
Carolyn Healy

I celebrated Australia Day
I did it the old fashioned way
By driving my ute
Dressed in thongs and best suit
And ate chilli pies on the way.
Robyn McGregor
1
Bush girl fled the rock and scrub
By ute to beach for rub-a-dub;
Gregarious filli,
Never chilli -
She's joined the Dee Why Polo Club!
2.
Rough Oz chick named Grit-by-Sea
Loved patriotic panoply;
Tough but frilli,
This chilli filli
'flagged' her ute for all to see.
3.
Oz bloke and shiela in ute -
Kids, dog and esky to boot;
Multicultural chilli,
Tea from the billi ...
Our cuisine these days is a hoot!
4.
Bush girl showed up-country guile,
Hijacked a ute to coast in style;
Never chilli,
Surf-bound filli
Now girt-by-sea a little while.
Graham Wood.

I was lost in the bush in my ute,
When I met a Jillaroo so cute,
She was as hot as a chilli,
When she fired up the billie,
And suggested an alternative route
in less than 25 words
a limerick has not occurred
with one being chilli
it's all very silly
ute hink it is so absurd
Charles Mooney

Aussie Joe used to drive an old ute
When he went on a kangaroo shoot
While munching on chilli
He aimed which was silly
'Cos he shot himself in the left boot
Hal Newman

1.
Harry drove ute into lake
To cool his mouth from chilli bake.
couldn't swim,
grabbed a limb,
Hanging there with Billy Blake.

2.
Chilli jam tastes really great
Gave a bottle to my mate.
Jam in Ute,
Sticky suit,
Now he's late for his date.
Susan King

There was a young man who drove his ute
To a BBQ ever so beaut,
A hot dog with chilli,
He gave to his filly,
As a prelude to having a root.
Peter Markwick

A young tradie with a ute
The girls thought extremely cute
Although he loved chilli
He'd a large willy
Best of all, he was mute
Julianne Rossiter

Straya Day and I'm out in the ute.
A bush barbie with mates sounds a hoot.
Lots of lamb with some chilli
and tea in the billy.
What more could you ask for? Toot, toot!
Wendy Deveson

Oh bugger the barbie is broken,
I now have to hop in my 'ute',
I take my mate Willi,
Overdosed on a 'chilli',
And downing a bottle o' brut.
Josh King & Michelle Brock

The weather's fine and the missus is cute.
The camping gear's in the back of the ute.
Oh! Too much chilli in my stew
Tell me! Where's the bloody loo?
But the stars are out and the bush is beaut.
Wayne Mann

There once was a man called Billy
Who ate a ute full of chilli
He ate and he ate and he ate
That man that's called Billy
Phillip Cunningham

Australia's as hot as a chilli
But I sunbaked - willy-nilly.
Drove home in my ute,
Ate some cool fruit
Making me white as a lily. 25 words
Eating a chilli
Felt frisk as a filly.
When the pain became acute
To the doctor in my ute.
He only said "You sillybilly". 24 words
I met a man from Indooroopilly
Who offered me a chilli.
I said "You beaut,
Jump in my ute
Cos here comes a big willywilly". 25 words
In my ute
There's some loot
Including a hot chilli.
But I'd rather eat a lillipilli
Or even arrowroot. 19 words
Mother ate a red hot chilli
Which was really rather silly.
She lay in my ute
Totally mute
Then shared with me a billy. 24 words
Mother ate a red hot chilli
Which was really rather silly.
She lay in my ute
Totally mute
Then shared with me a billy. 24 words
The terrain was hilly
And the weather chilly.
Too steep for my ute
I took another route
Until a found a sweet chilli. 2 words
I knew an old hillbilly
Who desperately wanted a chilli.
He bailed up my ute
Shouted "Stop or I'll shoot!"
Then appeared an old grizzly. 25 words
The little girl who played the flute
Really was quite cute.
Her dress was frilly
But she'd spilled some chilli
While travelling in my ute. 25 words
His name was Billy.
Biting a chilli
He spoiled his brand new suit.
He gabbed a rag from the ute
Then blamed his sister Jilly. 25 words
Not needing my ute
I flew to Beirut
To find a decent red chilli.
No luck, so returned subsequently
And smoked a big fat cheroot. 25 words
I have a little bandicoot
Whose home is my ute.
His name is little Willie,
His favourite food is chilli,
Eating them all to boot! 25 words
Betting on a filly
Really is quite silly.
A ute will go more quickly
And won't feel so sickly
If fuelled with clean green chilli. 25 words
Wanting to contribute
I became an army recruit.
They dosed me with chilli
Which was far from chilly
But I didn't give a hoot. 24 words
My tortoise is called Tilly
Which people think is silly.
But she is cute
And loves my ute
As well as red hot chilli. 24 words
From Jenny White

1.
There was a young man from down under,
Who's innards rumbled like thunder.
His chilli addiction
Became an affliction,
As into his ute he did chunder.
2.
Stopped his ute to grab a bite,
Of chilli beans and vegemite.
Heat was dire
Mouth on fire,
Billy's not a pretty sight.
3.
Billy had a horse named Milly,
She ate her hay with lots of chilli.
Ute pulled float
Stomach did bloat,
Now Milly's one stuck filly.
4.
Billy loved his chilli sauce,
Drowned meatpie in it,of course.
Stuck head out ute
Cooling mouth along the route,
Billy's throat is mighty hoarse.
Susan King

Here are some more limericks. I'm obsessed with writing more and more so I guess you are screaming 'bring on the final entry date' which I can't work out when it is anyway. Information technology dinosaurs are not extinct yet!!
A wizened old man named Billy
A face sanguine and hilly
In his ute a canine
"Beware" said the sign
"Dog bites like a red hot chilli"
Into our town cruised a ute
It's driver mean and hirsute
Demanding some chilli
Then flattened by Milly
An ex-boxer of Aussie repute
Heather lindsay

DD replies: Closing date is January 31, winners announced in the Who We Are column on February 7.

Here goes my last 2 limericks (I think) now that I have found a word that rhymes with 'ank' which isn't wank. Ironic ay?
A firey chilli called Frank
Diced death with a carroty Hank
Rawed off in a ute
Cooks hot in pursuit
They sure weren't joining the shank
A chilli-filled truck had a crash
Into a ute it did bash
No one was hurt
Doused with yoghurt
By brave firemen in a flash
Heather Lindsay

There was a young bloke called Billy
Who grew an enormous chilli
He put on his suit
Threw the chilli in the ute
And drove it all the way to Dili
Graham Patton

A surfer who's mates called him Silly
Said, 'Why don't youse just call me Billy'
Said they, 'You're so cute'
So he hopped in his ute
And squashed 'em all flat. Silly Billy.
Jo McGahey

• by Still more gmailed entries on January 29, 2010 at 05:50 AM

There was a speedhog named Willie,
Whose wife had sent him silly.
The police gave pursuit,
Found his wife in the boot
of his ute that was hotter than chilli.

• by Rachelle on January 31, 2010 at 03:51 PM