The Sun-Herald

How bad TV made us better

To test yourself on whether you're fit to be an Australian citizen, click here.

by David Dale.
Might as well get in early. Now that September 11 is out of the way, our next pause for reflection will be the 50th birthday of television (click here for how it's going). Soon everyone will be celebrating, satirising, criticising or patronising. To mark the dying of the Age of the Mass Broadcast and the dawning of the Age of the Direct Download, here are a few curmudgeonly notions off the top of this column's head about peaks and troughs ...

The worst that TV showed us
Arrogance. Billions in profits have encouraged the networks to take their audience for granted. They think they can be deceptive, unreliable, arbitrary and insulting, because the viewers have nowhere else to go.

Contempt. After Frontline skewered the ruthless sensationalism of commercial current affairs programming in the 90s, you wondered how Today Tonight and A Current Affair could show their faces in public again. In fact, they got worse, because they assume the viewers are stupid.

Repetitiveness. One network happens upon a hit, so the other networks copy it. TV has come to be about formulas, not imagination.

Shortsightedness. The networks can't see that they've created their own doom. The only factor delaying the flight of viewers from television is that two-thirds of this country's households do not yet have high-speed broadband connecting their computers to the internet. But they will.

Cynicism. By treating us with cynicism, the networks have made us cynical – quick to spot every manipulation, eager to find alternative stimulations, and angry enough not to care if those alternatives are legal or illegal.

The best that TV showed us
The Simpsons. It's the sharpest tool humanity has developed for teaching children empathy, ethics, generosity, loyalty, honesty and scepticism. It trained two generations in how to analyse media.

Graham Kennedy. He revived our larrikin spirit at a time when Australia was starting to take itself seriously, smashing the Tonight Show mould before it was even set. In pursuit of a laugh, nothing was sacred – not his sponsors, not his bosses, not even his viewers.

Four Corners. At its investigative best, it challenged the powerful and exposed the corrupt. It embodies the ABC's duty to be brave and independent, regardless of ratings.

Homicide. It wouldn't work today as crime drama or as token Australian content. But in 1966, when it won its timeslot for the first time against a US drama (The Fugitive), the critic Harry Robinson noted a cultural tipping point: "Australians may at last be willing to consider their own people with their own ways worth watching. Till now, as any showman will tell you, Australians have preferred to watch anybody but their own kind, no matter what the quality. Perhaps we have grown up enough to give ourselves a fair go."

Lost. This is the high point of commercial drama's evolution. Woven into its tales of mystery and adventure are fundamental questions about faith versus science, co-operation versus competition, and good or evil being just a matter of perspective. Finally, a mass entertainment compliments the intelligence of the audience.

So on balance, 50 years of television have prepared us perfectly to enjoy the media that will replace it.

What do you reckon? Give us your suggestions on the five best and worst things television has shown us.

Click here to discover the most watched TV shows of all time in Australia.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are – A miscellany of the new Australia (Allen and Unwin). The Tribal Mind column is published every Tuesday in The Sydney Morning Herald. Past columns can be found at www.smh.com.au/tribalmind. For a discussion on this week's trends in television, click here

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 01:58 PM
• Comments (60)

The Tribal Mind: We know what you did this summer

To learn why Twitter is over, go to Who We Are

by David Dale
IMAGINE Daffy Duck is reading this aloud: A singing Scottish spinster has been the sound of summer so far, while the sights of summer have been big blue biowarriors, a dynamic doctor-detective duo and a voluptuous but vituperative vicar. Plus the customary cricket and candlelit carols, of course.

So starts our annual alliterative analysis of how Australians are spending the silly season. Here are three charts that will enable you to compare your own entertainment consumption in the past fortnight with that of the masses, and thereby determine if you are a normal, typical, average, everyday Aussie-in-the-street or a bold individualist.

The music we're playing
The summer's top selling albums:
1 I Dreamed A Dream, by the surprise survivor of Britain's Got Talent, Susan Boyle (560,000 copies distributed in five weeks);
2 Crazy Love, by Michael Buble (210,000 in five weeks);
3 Introducing by Australian Idol winner Stan Walker (70,000 in three weeks);
4 The Fame Monster by Lady Gaga (70,000 in three weeks);
5 Golden Rule by Powderfinger (70,000 in six weeks).
(Figures from Australian Record Industry Association. To see how these compare with the all-time records go to The music Australia loved).

The top selling single was Stan Walker's Black Box (35,000 in five weeks), which uses the metaphor of a plane crash for the breakdown of a relationship, and includes the line: "Everything we had scattered everywhere, searching through the wreckage of a love affair". Idol may have been a flop for Channel Ten this year, but it can still sell songs.

You could be forgiven for concluding from the content of those hits that purchasers of CDs in December tend to be over the age of 40.

The flicks we're queueing for
Cinema box office takings since December 16:
1 Avatar $39 million (to learn what Avatar has in common with the oldest story ever told, go to Gilgamesh;
2 Sherlock Holmes $8.5m;
3 Alvin and The Chipmunks: The Squeakuel $8m;
4 Old Dogs (slapstick with Robin Williams and John Travolta) $3m;
5 Did You Hear about the Morgans (slapstick romance with Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker) $2.5m;
6 Bright Star (virginal romance with Abbie Cornish) $860,000;
7 The Lovely Bones (Peter Jackson's tale of murder and ghosts) $761,000;
8 Nowhere Boy (John Lennon's early life) $303,000.
(Figures from Motion Picture Distributors Association of Australia. To compare these with the all time records, go to The films Australia loved)

Normally you could divide those totals by the average ticket price of $12 to estimate how many Australians saw each film, but that's not possible with Avatar, because cinemas showing it in 3D are adding $5 to the ticket price for the rental of the special glasses. At these prices, I reckon you should be able to keep the specs, but the cinemas employ threshold guardians to demand their return.

This raises hygiene issues. Are we about to see the spread of an Avatar-driven epidemic of conjunctivitis? Or if they are cleaning the specs, how will the chemicals affect the eyes of the next users? Not that this column would wish to put you off seeing Avatar in 3-D.

The telly we watched
Top rating programs since December 20:
1 Carols by Candlelight (9) 1.8 million viewers in the mainland capitals;
2 Midnight fireworks New Year's Eve (9) 1.5m;
3 Nine news Sunday (9) 1.3 m;
4 The Vicar Of Dibley Christmas Special (7) 1.3m;
5 Seven News Sunday (7) 1.2m;
6 The Vicar Of Dibley Happy Birthday Special (7) 1.2m;
7 Border Patrol -Sunday (7) 1.2m;
8 The Mentalist repeat (9) 11m;
9 First Test - Australia V Pakistan (9) 1.0m;
10 Spicks And Specks: A Very Specky Christmas (ABC1) 1.0m.
(Figures from OzTAM. To compare these with the all time records, go to The TV shows Australia loved.)

The silly season is traditionally a time when the networks test new shows they suspect won't work in prime time, and sometimes they are embraced by viewers in holiday mode. That hasn't happened with any of the lame sitcoms unloaded this year by Seven, Nine and Ten. No wonder we've all been out risking blindness.

Go to Comments to discuss your summer favourites.

David Dale is the author of The Little Book of Australia -- A snapshot of who we are (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 03:44 PM
• Comments (5)

The Who We Are update: The end of the second last year of the Noughties

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn what Avatar has in common with Gilgamesh, go to The Tribal Mind.
To learn why Twitter is over, go to Who We Are

The ratings race, last five days of 2009 and first two days of 2010
This was Pay TV's account of itself for week 53/ week 1: "Subscription TV celebrated the New Year with a clear victory around Australia. In week 1 of 2010, STV had more viewers than any other network, with STV channels accounting for 26.8% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 23.3% of all regional viewing and 64.3% of all viewing in subscription TV homes.

"The FOX Sports' coverage of the Twenty20 match between Victoria and NSW, Live: Cricket: Twenty20 Big Bash, topped the week with 231,000 viewers. The tournament, exclusive to subscription TV, continues to increase in popularity with this week's broadcast representing highest ever ratings for the competition outside the 2008 and 2009 finals. In other sport programming, Live: Football: A-League Nth Qld v Melb on FOX Sports was watched by 65,000 people and Sky Raceday on Sky Racing was seen by 52,000 people.

"In entertainment programming, The Simpsons on FOX8 was watched by 105,000 people and Law & Order: SVU on TV1 was watched by 102,000 people. The Susan Boyle documentary, I Dreamed a Dream, premiered on UKTV with 96,000 viewers, Taggart on 13th Street was watched by 89,000 people and The Silence of the Lambs had 86,000 viewers on FOX Classics. Grand Designs on Lifestyle was viewed by 80,000 people, Kendra on E! had its best result of the last 12 months with 71,000 viewers and Monday's Sportsline on Sky News was seen by 67,000 people."

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Network Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,092,000 270,000 280,000 263,000 107,000 172,000
2 EDINBURGH MILITARY TATTOO 2009 ABC1 1,014,000 248,000 307,000 211,000 108,000 141,000
3 ABC NEWS-SA ABC1 921,000 221,000 267,000 209,000 101,000 124,000
4 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 881,000 275,000 295,000 153,000 89,000 70,000
5 NO LEAVE NO LIFE Seven 841,000 206,000 218,000 201,000 88,000 128,000
6 BORDERLINE Seven 740,000 196,000 208,000 177,000 68,000 91,000
7 ABC NEWS UP-DATE ABC1 727,000 180,000 250,000 125,000 81,000 91,000
8 KINGDOM Seven 705,000 166,000 223,000 144,000 78,000 93,000
9 WIPEOUT Nine 661,000 158,000 241,000 142,000 60,000 62,000
10 BED OF ROSES RPT ABC1 616,000 168,000 138,000 169,000 63,000 79,000
12 EDWARD SCISSORHANDS RPT Ten 514,000 146,000 165,000 61,000 74,000 67,000
15 MYTHBUSTERS SBS ONE 463,000 104,000 114,000 113,000 60,000 72,000
16 JAWS RPT Ten 455,000 118,000 139,000 63,000 71,000 66,000
21 ROCKWIZ RPT SBS ONE 295,000 86,000 66,000 74,000 36,000 33,000
27 M-CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG Seven 222,000 62,000 62,000 37,000 24,000 36,000
38 PAN'S LABYRINTH SBS ONE 135,000 57,000 25,000 24,000 12,000 17,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, last week of 2009
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 NEW YEAR'S EVE 2009 - MIDNIGHT FIREWORKS Nine 1,472,000 562,000 482,000 215,000 133,000 80,000
2 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,288,000 377,000 438,000 238,000 128,000 107,000
3 THE VICAR OF DIBLEY - HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPECIAL Seven 1,174,000 252,000 369,000 250,000 106,000 197,000
4 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,095,000 257,000 282,000 268,000 108,000 180,000
5 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,092,000 270,000 280,000 263,000 107,000 172,000
6 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,090,000 259,000 307,000 209,000 147,000 168,000
7 BORDER PATROL-SUN Seven 1,044,000 228,000 326,000 222,000 93,000 175,000
8 NINE NEWS Nine 1,038,000 286,000 311,000 235,000 99,000 107,000
9 EDINBURGH MILITARY TATTOO 2009-EV ABC1 1,014,000 248,000 307,000 211,000 108,000 141,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 990,000 226,000 287,000 202,000 132,000 143,000
11 BONES (R) Seven 975,000 241,000 257,000 227,000 110,000 140,000
12 OPERATION CROC Seven 949,000 212,000 279,000 212,000 105,000 140,000
13 ABC NEWS-SA ABC1 921,000 221,000 267,000 209,000 101,000 124,000
14 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 918,000 246,000 280,000 218,000 84,000 91,000
15 THE MENTALIST -RPT Nine 886,000 241,000 267,000 175,000 94,000 109,000
16 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 881,000 275,000 295,000 153,000 89,000 70,000
17 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS SUMMER Seven 875,000 203,000 264,000 156,000 130,000 121,000
18 ABC NEWS ABC1 873,000 208,000 254,000 189,000 87,000 135,000
19 NEW YEAR'S EVE 2009 - FAMILY FIREWORKS Nine 850,000 372,000 148,000 181,000 81,000 68,000
20 NO LEAVE NO LIFE Seven 841,000 206,000 218,000 201,000 88,000 128,000
21 DESTROYED IN SECONDS Seven 835,000 202,000 232,000 181,000 91,000 129,000
22 FIRST TEST - AUSTRALIA V PAKISTAN Nine 834,000 205,000 259,000 176,000 99,000 96,000
23 DAVID ATTENBOROUGH'S - LIFE IN COLD BLOOD -RPT Nine 824,000 199,000 273,000 168,000 87,000 97,000
24 CITY HOMICIDE-WED (R) Seven 802,000 217,000 187,000 163,000 108,000 127,000
25 THE QUEEN'S CORONATION: BEHIND PALACE DOORS-EV ABC1 787,000 209,000 205,000 167,000 85,000 121,000
26 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE-MON (R) Seven 777,000 202,000 215,000 164,000 76,000 121,000
27 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 770,000 191,000 226,000 138,000 101,000 114,000
28 SURVIVOR: SAMOA -EP2 Nine 761,000 236,000 253,000 110,000 78,000 84,000
29 CSI: MIAMI Nine 754,000 212,000 199,000 155,000 94,000 94,000
30 TWO AND A HALF MEN -RPT Nine 743,000 187,000 203,000 187,000 76,000 90,000
31 BORDERLINE Seven 740,000 196,000 208,000 177,000 68,000 91,000
32 THE BIG BANG THEORY -RPT Nine 737,000 174,000 180,000 202,000 95,000 86,000
33 AIR CRASH INVESTIGATIONS-WED Seven 736,000 154,000 161,000 191,000 102,000 128,000
34 ABC NEWS UP-DATE ABC1 727,000 180,000 250,000 125,000 81,000 91,000
35 SURVIVOR: SAMOA -EP1 Nine 726,000 211,000 237,000 123,000 71,000 84,000
36 CASTLE (R) Seven 725,000 183,000 184,000 153,000 99,000 105,000
37 THE NOUGHTIES - A DECADE IN REVIEW Nine 721,000 194,000 202,000 172,000 79,000 74,000
38 M-KING ARTHUR Seven 712,000 196,000 200,000 132,000 90,000 94,000
39 THE OLD GUYS ABC1 710,000 173,000 201,000 154,000 72,000 110,000
40 KINGDOM Seven 705,000 166,000 223,000 144,000 78,000 93,000

What Australia watched, Friday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,098,000 222,000 343,000 205,000 158,000 168,000
2 NINE NEWS Nine 1,015,000 287,000 305,000 246,000 86,000 91,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 995,000 192,000 337,000 195,000 133,000 138,000
4 ABC NEWS ABC1 947,000 233,000 283,000 194,000 91,000 145,000
5 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 903,000 250,000 265,000 233,000 76,000 80,000
6 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS SUMMER Seven 875,000 203,000 264,000 156,000 130,000 121,000
9 M-KING ARTHUR Seven 712,000 196,000 200,000 132,000 90,000 94,000
10 THE OLD GUYS ABC1 710,000 173,000 201,000 154,000 72,000 110,000
12 WIRE IN THE BLOOD RPT ABC1 681,000 158,000 211,000 124,000 78,000 110,000
14 MOTORWAY PATROL Nine 654,000 168,000 150,000 178,000 57,000 101,000
15 RAPID RESPONSE Nine 563,000 162,000 101,000 157,000 57,000 87,000
16 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 545,000 170,000 123,000 96,000 76,000 81,000
17 THE TIME MACHINE -RPT Nine 533,000 155,000 133,000 98,000 57,000 90,000
18 CENTER STAGE RPT Ten 480,000 118,000 132,000 93,000 69,000 67,000
35 LUSITANIA: MURDER ON THE ATLANTIC RPT ABC1 256,000 50,000 68,000 46,000 44,000 49,000
42 POIROT ABC1 223,000 50,000 81,000 40,000 26,000 26,000

What Australia watched, Thursday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 NEW YEAR'S EVE 2009 - MIDNIGHT FIREWORKS Nine 1,472,000 562,000 482,000 215,000 133,000 80,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,014,000 256,000 282,000 199,000 136,000 140,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 861,000 201,000 264,000 161,000 111,000 123,000
4 NEW YEAR'S EVE 2009 - FAMILY FIREWORKS Nine 850,000 372,000 148,000 181,000 81,000 68,000
5 NINE NEWS Nine 788,000 210,000 221,000 177,000 94,000 86,000
6 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 741,000 180,000 241,000 118,000 94,000 108,000
7 THE NOUGHTIES - A DECADE IN REVIEW Nine 721,000 194,000 202,000 172,000 79,000 74,000
8 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 713,000 201,000 190,000 171,000 69,000 82,000
9 ABC NEWS ABC1 710,000 148,000 219,000 157,000 77,000 109,000
10 M-THE GLENN MILLER STORY ABC1 554,000 134,000 154,000 119,000 67,000 81,000
13 ARIA NEW YEARS EVE COUNTDOWN Nine 491,000 184,000 131,000 88,000 44,000 44,000
18 SHAUN MICALLEF'S NEW YEAR'S EVE RAVE Ten 428,000 93,000 154,000 78,000 44,000 60,000
21 BACK TO THE FUTURE RPT Ten 400,000 80,000 130,000 76,000 45,000 69,000
28 M-THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING Seven 347,000 89,000 113,000 62,000 35,000 48,000
79 THE NANNY GO! 112,000 27,000 27,000 17,000 34,000 8,000
93 STARGATE ATLANTIS 7TWO 95,000 5,000 33,000 27,000 19,000 10,000

What Australia watched, Wednesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,133,000 249,000 339,000 213,000 154,000 178,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,110,000 249,000 305,000 237,000 158,000 161,000
3 NINE NEWS Nine 986,000 279,000 251,000 245,000 97,000 115,000
4 ABC NEWS ABC1 893,000 199,000 267,000 194,000 77,000 156,000
5 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 824,000 217,000 249,000 196,000 75,000 87,000
6 CITY HOMICIDE-WED (R) Seven 805,000 217,000 187,000 164,000 108,000 128,000
7 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 763,000 177,000 257,000 101,000 108,000 121,000
8 AIR CRASH INVESTIGATIONS-WED Seven 732,000 152,000 160,000 191,000 102,000 127,000
9 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER (R) Seven 683,000 164,000 158,000 171,000 83,000 107,000
10 SUPERSTARS OF DANCE Nine 670,000 156,000 214,000 131,000 73,000 96,000
11 COLD CASE -EP1 RPT Nine 667,000 173,000 184,000 123,000 100,000 87,000
19 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 523,000 137,000 161,000 89,000 54,000 82,000
20 THE CLEVELAND SHOW Ten 491,000 126,000 120,000 93,000 62,000 90,000
27 FIRST TEST - AUSTRALIA V PAKISTAN Nine 356,000 78,000 118,000 77,000 50,000 32,000
28 CALIFORNICATION WED Ten 354,000 79,000 119,000 69,000 34,000 53,000
36 PAPER DOLLS: PINUPS OF WORLD WAR 2 RPT SBS ONE 260,000 67,000 63,000 72,000 27,000 32,000
44 REX IN ROME SBS ONE 223,000 60,000 64,000 42,000 25,000 33,000
57 REVIEW WITH MYLES BARLOW RPT ABC1 155,000 37,000 47,000 33,000 18,000 21,000
60 MOTHER AND SON 7TWO 139,000 17,000 40,000 45,000 20,000 17,000
71 NEW AMSTERDAM GO! 117,000 29,000 36,000 19,000 23,000 10,000

The ratings race, updated Wednesday
Please tell us about Tool Academy, which sounds like the programming department of Nine, but is actually one of the hits of GO

What Australia watched, Tuesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 NINE NEWS Nine 1,167,000 298,000 397,000 264,000 111,000 98,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,118,000 297,000 294,000 224,000 140,000 163,000
3 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,035,000 261,000 363,000 242,000 91,000 79,000
4 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,022,000 245,000 271,000 231,000 134,000 141,000
5 ABC NEWS ABC1 927,000 221,000 262,000 198,000 100,000 146,000
6 7.30 REPORT SUMMER EDITION ABC1 883,000 232,000 233,000 195,000 90,000 133,000
7 THE QUEEN'S CORONATION: BEHIND PALACE DOORS ABC1 787,000 209,000 205,000 167,000 85,000 121,000
8 SURVIVOR: SAMOA -EP2 Nine 762,000 238,000 253,000 110,000 78,000 84,000
9 FIRST TEST - AUSTRALIA V PAKISTAN Nine 755,000 173,000 254,000 164,000 84,000 81,000
10 SURVIVOR: SAMOA -EP1 Nine 727,000 211,000 237,000 123,000 71,000 84,000
14 NCIS RPT Ten 647,000 144,000 211,000 119,000 69,000 103,000
15 PRIVATE PRACTICE Seven 608,000 144,000 151,000 130,000 86,000 97,000
16 GARY UNMARRIED-TUE Seven 605,000 158,000 165,000 114,000 85,000 83,000
17 WHITE COLLAR TUES Ten 597,000 132,000 194,000 125,000 63,000 83,000
21 ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE Ten 481,000 79,000 158,000 100,000 78,000 65,000
24 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 448,000 101,000 121,000 84,000 82,000 60,000
26 THE OFFICE TUES Ten 425,000 85,000 141,000 72,000 69,000 58,000
27 THE PINK PANTHER -RPT Nine 401,000 131,000 131,000 44,000 55,000 40,000
44 30 ROCK (R) Seven 217,000 83,000 61,000 29,000 22,000 22,000
47 THE CIRCUIT SBS ONE 204,000 67,000 44,000 41,000 22,000 30,000
58 UGLY BETTY 7TWO 144,000 37,000 31,000 37,000 13,000 25,000
60 MOTHER AND SON 7TWO 139,000 25,000 40,000 20,000 30,000 26,000
65 THE UNIT 7TWO 135,000 25,000 53,000 22,000 23,000 12,000
83 SEINFELD GO! 96,000 26,000 34,000 12,000 12,000 11,000
84 REAPER 7TWO 94,000 19,000 12,000 23,000 28,000 12,000
85 TOOL ACADEMY GO! 92,000 10,000 33,000 24,000 16,000 10,000

What Australia watched, Monday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 NINE NEWS Nine 1,223,000 357,000 377,000 242,000 104,000 143,000
2 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,100,000 295,000 329,000 245,000 105,000 125,000
3 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,091,000 270,000 275,000 205,000 148,000 192,000
4 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 965,000 243,000 260,000 186,000 124,000 152,000
5 FIRST TEST - AUSTRALIA V PAKISTAN Nine 902,000 236,000 264,000 184,000 113,000 105,000
6 ABC NEWS ABC1 891,000 241,000 238,000 202,000 90,000 119,000
7 THE MENTALIST -RPT Nine 887,000 241,000 267,000 175,000 95,000 110,000
8 DESTROYED IN SECONDS Seven 835,000 203,000 232,000 181,000 91,000 129,000
9 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 781,000 206,000 180,000 184,000 93,000 119,000
10 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE-MON (R) Seven 777,000 201,000 215,000 164,000 76,000 121,000
11 CSI: MIAMI Nine 750,000 211,000 197,000 154,000 94,000 94,000
15 TOP GEAR SBS ONE 652,000 173,000 169,000 159,000 69,000 82,000
17 THE MIDDLE Nine 577,000 147,000 185,000 119,000 51,000 75,000
20 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 503,000 142,000 136,000 98,000 77,000 50,000
22 STARGATE UNIVERSE Ten 487,000 165,000 126,000 85,000 68,000 43,000
29 SUPERNATURAL Ten 394,000 92,000 124,000 90,000 48,000 40,000
31 SUNRISE Seven 348,000 86,000 55,000 117,000 31,000 60,000
33 30 ROCK (R) Seven 334,000 74,000 126,000 44,000 39,000 51,000
49 TODAY Nine 213,000 83,000 71,000 45,000 14,000 Not shown in Perth, wonder why

The ratings race, updated 11am Monday
This was Pay TV's account of itself for the Christmas week: "During 2009, subscription TV drew more viewers than any other TV network across Australia. For the 52 weeks of the year, subscription TV channels accounted for 22.6% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.5% of all regional viewing and 58.4% of all viewing in subscription TV homes. In sport programming, Live: Football: World Cup Qual. Aust. v Uzbekistan on FOX Sports set an all time record for STV with 431,000 viewers and Australia's Next Top Model Live Finale on FOX8 topped the year in STV entertainment programming with 285,000 viewers.

"In week 52, Midsomer Murders on UKTV topped the week with 120,000 viewers, Two and a Half Men on Arena had its best result of the year with 119,000 viewers and The Contender Australia on FOX8 also had its largest audience of the year with 109,000 viewers.

Top Gear Day: Vietnam Special on BBC Knowledge was watched by 101,000 people, Law & Order: SVU on TV1 was watched by 87,000 people and the premiere of An Audience with Parkinson on UKTV drew 83,000 viewers. In sport, Live: Football: A-League Perth v Newc was watched by 63,000 people and Live: Football: A-League Syd v C Coast was seen by 56,000 people (both on FOX Sports).

"In the last week of 2009, subscription TV won the week around Australia with subscription TV channels accounting for 25.8% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 23.6% of all regional viewing and 63.7% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, Sunday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,288,000 377,000 438,000 238,000 128,000 107,000
2 THE VICAR OF DIBLEY - HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPECIAL Seven 1,174,000 252,000 369,000 250,000 106,000 197,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,095,000 257,000 282,000 268,000 108,000 180,000
4 BORDER PATROL-SUN Seven 1,044,000 228,000 326,000 222,000 93,000 175,000
5 BONES (R) Seven 975,000 241,000 257,000 227,000 110,000 140,000
6 FIRST TEST - AUSTRALIA V PAKISTAN Nine 951,000 242,000 286,000 197,000 109,000 117,000
7 OPERATION CROC Seven 949,000 212,000 279,000 212,000 105,000 140,000
8 DAVID ATTENBOROUGH'S - LIFE IN COLD BLOOD -RPT Nine 824,000 199,000 273,000 168,000 87,000 97,000
9 THE CRICKET SHOW Nine 780,000 209,000 229,000 165,000 77,000 100,000
10 TWO AND A HALF MEN -RPT Nine 760,000 184,000 205,000 208,000 83,000 80,000
11 THE BIG BANG THEORY -RPT Nine 737,000 174,000 180,000 202,000 95,000 86,000
12 CASTLE (R) Seven 725,000 183,000 184,000 153,000 99,000 105,000
13 ABC NEWS-SU ABC1 644,000 178,000 169,000 139,000 65,000 93,000
14 OCEAN'S TWELVE -RPT Nine 622,000 168,000 192,000 107,000 74,000 82,000
15 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SUN Ten 534,000 156,000 128,000 113,000 49,000 88,000
16 OPERATION JUMBO ABC1 474,000 115,000 132,000 94,000 55,000 79,000
17 GLEE EP 2 RPT Ten 472,000 151,000 146,000 69,000 40,000 66,000
18 GLEE RPT Ten 444,000 123,000 144,000 72,000 46,000 59,000
19 OLIVER TWIST ABC1 443,000 122,000 149,000 68,000 50,000 54,000
20 GLEE EP 3 RPT Ten 441,000 142,000 125,000 76,000 42,000 57,000
21 A HISTORY OF SCOTLAND SBS ONE 432,000 115,000 139,000 88,000 46,000 45,000

What Australians aged 16-39 watched in Christmas week
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 HAMISH & ANDY RE-GIFTED RPT Ten 361,000 86,000 131,000 95,000 22,000 26,000
2 THE SIMPSONS WED EP 2 Ten 308,000 96,000 96,000 40,000 40,000 36,000
3 THE CLEVELAND SHOW Ten 308,000 84,000 111,000 36,000 41,000 36,000
4 FUTURAMA WED Ten 304,000 76,000 92,000 64,000 37,000 35,000
5 DESTROYED IN SECONDS Seven 299,000 79,000 64,000 73,000 28,000 55,000
6 M-SURVIVING CHRISTMAS Seven 299,000 111,000 71,000 55,000 33,000 29,000
7 LITTLE BRITAIN USA WED RPT Ten 292,000 89,000 105,000 48,000 20,000 30,000
8 FIRST TEST - AUSTRALIA V PAKISTAN Nine 289,000 93,000 82,000 56,000 26,000 32,000
9 SURVIVOR: SAMOA -EP2 Nine 289,000 108,000 94,000 34,000 17,000 36,000
10 BONES (R) Seven 279,000 86,000 54,000 74,000 31,000 34,000
11 GARY UNMARRIED-TUE Seven 278,000 83,000 67,000 60,000 34,000 35,000
12 THE MENTALIST -RPT Nine 275,000 56,000 79,000 82,000 27,000 31,000
13 TWO AND A HALF MEN -MON Nine 273,000 74,000 70,000 80,000 26,000 23,000
14 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 271,000 89,000 93,000 49,000 22,000 17,000
15 SHREK THE HALLS -RPT Nine 262,000 77,000 100,000 49,000 15,000 21,000
16 THE MIDDLE Nine 261,000 78,000 65,000 61,000 30,000 27,000
17 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE-MON (R) Seven 260,000 40,000 71,000 58,000 35,000 55,000
18 HAPPY GILMORE RPT Ten 258,000 90,000 85,000 42,000 20,000 22,000
19 THE SIMPSONS WED Ten 253,000 60,000 74,000 53,000 34,000 32,000
20 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER-SUMMER Seven 252,000 59,000 86,000 49,000 29,000 28,000
21 WIPEOUT Nine 250,000 72,000 68,000 50,000 32,000 27,000
22 MAN VS WILD SBS ONE 248,000 73,000 75,000 51,000 24,000 24,000
23 NCIS RPT Ten 248,000 73,000 52,000 65,000 24,000 33,000
24 SUPERNATURAL Ten 248,000 87,000 63,000 50,000 28,000 20,000
25 PRIVATE PRACTICE-TUE Seven 245,000 55,000 67,000 53,000 41,000 29,000
26 THE CRICKET SHOW Nine 242,000 80,000 75,000 48,000 18,000 22,000
27 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 237,000 58,000 89,000 38,000 25,000 27,000
28 SPICKS AND SPECKS: A VERY SPECKY CHRISTMAS ABC1 236,000 80,000 74,000 48,000 15,000 19,000
29 CASTLE (R) Seven 235,000 68,000 71,000 49,000 22,000 25,000
30 CAROLS BY CANDLELIGHT Nine 234,000 63,000 116,000 30,000 12,000 13,000
69 TOP GEAR SBS ONE 164,000 57,000 39,000 37,000 19,000 12,000
81 MYTHBUSTERS RPT SBS ONE 130,000 38,000 34,000 32,000 11,000 15,000
86 IRON CHEF SBS ONE 122,000 41,000 33,000 25,000 11,000 13,000
185 WIPEOUT AUSTRALIA GO! 51,000 13,000 18,000 6,000 7,000 7,000
193 WIPEOUT GO! 49,000 8,000 17,000 11,000 2,000 11,000
204 THE BIG BANG THEORY GO! 46,000 8,000 20,000 8,000 5,000 5,000
213 UFC WIRED ONE 45,000 5,000 21,000 15,000 3,000 1,000
222 REAPER 7TWO 43,000 14,000 18,000 4,000 6,000 0
227 THE UNIT 7TWO 42,000 8,000 17,000 13,000 4,000 0
234 STARGATE ATLANTIS 7TWO 40,000 13,000 9,000 9,000 6,000 3,000

What Australia watched, Boxing Day
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,213,000 342,000 444,000 205,000 138,000 84,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,076,000 324,000 260,000 232,000 106,000 154,000
3 FIRST TEST - AUSTRALIA V PAKISTAN Nine 1,035,000 304,000 311,000 189,000 110,000 121,000
4 ABC NEWS-SA ABC1 820,000 236,000 246,000 163,000 89,000 85,000
5 NO LEAVE NO LIFE Seven 796,000 235,000 202,000 145,000 95,000 120,000
6 WIPEOUT Nine 738,000 213,000 229,000 138,000 88,000 71,000
7 THE CRICKET SHOW Nine 711,000 208,000 236,000 123,000 69,000 75,000
8 TAGGART ABC1 702,000 192,000 197,000 102,000 100,000 110,000
9 THE BILL ABC1 697,000 204,000 179,000 121,000 80,000 112,000
10 BORDERLINE Seven 696,000 166,000 216,000 128,000 78,000 108,000
11 KINGDOM Seven 639,000 153,000 228,000 112,000 60,000 86,000
12 FINAL CHANCE TO SAVE THE ORANGUTANS WITH JOANNA LUMLEY ABC1 621,000 169,000 156,000 148,000 75,000 73,000
15 THAT THING YOU DO! Ten 524,000 172,000 124,000 92,000 71,000 66,000
17 WALLANDER Seven 520,000 156,000 192,000 67,000 62,000 44,000
19 CRUSOE Nine 510,000 115,000 170,000 103,000 57,000 65,000
20 WALLACE AND GROMIT'S CRACKING CONTRAPTIONS ABC1 508,000 147,000 134,000 104,000 54,000 69,000
22 brand name SYDNEY HOBART YACHT RACE 2009 Seven 458,000 206,000 108,000 65,000 48,000 31,000
61 THE OUTDOOR ROOM WITH JAMIE DURIE 7TWO 96,000 18,000 44,000 14,000 6,000 15,000
62 60 MINUTE MAKEOVER 7TWO 95,000 24,000 33,000 16,000 10,000 12,000
63 GET SMART GO! 94,000 23,000 31,000 22,000 11,000 8,000

What Australia watched, Christmas Day
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 723,000 184,000 205,000 169,000 62,000 104,000
2 ABC NEWS ABC1 717,000 253,000 198,000 132,000 62,000 74,000
3 ELF -RPT Nine 682,000 192,000 235,000 113,000 64,000 78,000
4 THE QUEEN'S CHRISTMAS MESSAGE 2009 ABC1 650,000 199,000 194,000 117,000 57,000 83,000
9 MY FAMILY CHRISTMAS SPECIAL (2008) ABC1 536,000 128,000 172,000 114,000 52,000 71,000
12 LANNY AND WAYNE THE CHRISTMAS ELVES IN PREP & LANDING Seven 434,000 106,000 152,000 88,000 36,000 53,000
21 THE GRINCH RPT Ten 278,000 101,000 87,000 38,000 16,000 35,000
23 THE WORST CHRISTMAS OF MY LIFE RPT ABC1 246,000 67,000 76,000 49,000 25,000 30,000
27 M-THE ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS PRESENT Seven 194,000 62,000 45,000 52,000 12,000 23,000
28 THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS Seven 193,000 82,000 41,000 33,000 18,000 18,000
30 CAROLS BY CANDLELIGHT Nine 191,000 38,000 83,000 25,000 15,000 30,000
33 CHRISTMAS AT THE RIVIERA RPT ABC1 168,000 39,000 50,000 36,000 22,000 21,000
34 MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET Ten 154,000 33,000 66,000 27,000 13,000 16,000
37 SILENT NIGHT - THE STORY OF THE FIRST CHRISTMAS -RPT Nine 139,000 32,000 46,000 27,000 17,000 17,000
38 2009 QUEEN'S CHRISTMAS MESSAGE Nine 136,000 11,000 47,000 17,000 32,000 31,000
40 BAD SANTA GO! 127,000 26,000 33,000 25,000 24,000 18,000
44 A CHRISTMAS STORY -RPT Nine 119,000 51,000 59,000 10,000
48 A MISER BROTHER'S CHRISTMAS Nine 107,000 12,000 52,000 9,000 11,000 23,000
57 JAMIE COOKS CHRISTMAS RPT Ten 90,000 14,000 30,000 12,000 11,000 23,000
58 THE KOALA BROTHERS OUTBACK CHRISTMAS-AM ABC1 88,000 36,000 24,000 5,000 10,000 12,000
67 BAH HUMDUCK! LOONEY CHRISTMAS -RPT Nine 71,000 23,000 17,000 20,000 11,000
69 BLACK ADDER'S CHRISTMAS CAROL GO! 71,000 20,000 16,000 19,000 7,000 9,000
75 CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS 2009 Ten 64,000 14,000 25,000 7,000 3,000 15,000
78 THE CHRIST FILES Seven 62,000 11,000 21,000 13,000 8,000 9,000
79 SANTA CLAUS PARADE 2009 Ten 62,000 23,000 4,000 23,000 3,000 9,000
89 A VERY BARRY CHRISTMAS ABC1 50,000 16,000 16,000 9,000 6,000 4,000
94 LETTERS TO SANTA - A MUPPETS CHRISTMAS Seven 48,000 18,000 14,000 7,000 4,000 7,000
98 M-BLINKY BILL'S WHITE CHRISTMAS Seven 43,000 21,000 8,000 6,000 2,000 6,000
101 CAROLS IN THE DOMAIN (R) 7TWO 41,000 14,000 16,000 7,000 1,000 3,000
111 CHRISTMAS EVE MASS-AM ABC1 37,000 10,000 11,000 7,000 4,000 6,000
114 THE DIFFERENCE CHRISTMAS MAKES Seven 35,000 3,000 9,000 7,000 8,000 8,000
115 BOB THE BUILDER: A CHRISTMAS TO REMEMBER-AM ABC2 34,000 7,000 4,000 13,000 3,000 7,000
121 PETER SERAFINOWICZ SHOW CHRISTMAS SPECIAL ABC2 33,000 16,000 5,000 4,000 5,000 3,000
124 IN SEARCH OF SANTA CLAUS RPT SBS ONE 32,000 8,000 5,000 7,000 2,000 10,000
127 MR. ST. NICK -RPT Nine 31,000 7,000 11,000 5,000 2,000 6,000
133 CHRISTMAS PAGEANT WITH THE CITY OF PERTH Seven 28,000 28,000

What Australia watched, Christmas Eve
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 CAROLS BY CANDLELIGHT Nine 1,774,000 430,000 793,000 238,000 162,000 152,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,052,000 284,000 301,000 203,000 120,000 143,000
3 SHREK THE HALLS -RPT Nine 968,000 234,000 385,000 163,000 62,000 124,000
4 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 940,000 250,000 266,000 184,000 116,000 123,000
5 NINE NEWS Nine 937,000 271,000 311,000 165,000 85,000 105,000
6 ABC NEWS ABC1 804,000 202,000 240,000 176,000 78,000 108,000
7 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 796,000 222,000 275,000 153,000 57,000 90,000
9 THE NATIVITY STORY Nine 690,000 166,000 320,000 77,000 74,000 53,000
12 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION - CHRISTMAS SPECIAL Ten 573,000 128,000 185,000 110,000 70,000 80,000
21 VICTORIA'S SECRET FASHION SHOW 2009 Ten 405,000 94,000 140,000 79,000 45,000 47,000
22 CAROLS FROM ST GEORGE'S CATHEDRAL 2009 ABC1 403,000 111,000 124,000 77,000 25,000 68,000
27 A VERY MARRIED CHRISTMAS Ten 330,000 89,000 116,000 45,000 39,000 41,000
28 CLASH OF THE SANTAS ABC1 301,000 68,000 92,000 67,000 33,000 42,000
33 THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF SANTA CLAUS Ten 262,000 76,000 84,000 40,000 30,000 32,000
40 STEALING CHRISTMAS RPT Ten 231,000 63,000 73,000 36,000 34,000 24,000
46 PEPPA'S CHRISTMAS-AM ABC1 196,000 73,000 69,000 20,000 16,000 17,000
51 HOW MANY MORE MINUTES UNTIL CHRISTMAS? (CHARLIE AND LOLA) ABC1 166,000 61,000 44,000 25,000 21,000 15,000
59 WORLD CHAMPION SANTA ABC1 143,000 45,000 32,000 27,000 20,000 19,000
67 STARGATE ATLANTIS 7TWO 129,000 19,000 37,000 25,000 26,000 22,000
81 THE NANNY GO! 112,000 18,000 40,000 31,000 8,000 15,000

What Australia watched, Wednesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,096,000 257,000 339,000 177,000 154,000 170,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,062,000 263,000 312,000 205,000 138,000 144,000
3 NINE NEWS Nine 1,026,000 284,000 341,000 174,000 115,000 111,000
4 ABC NEWS ABC1 900,000 255,000 277,000 156,000 93,000 119,000
5 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 849,000 237,000 283,000 165,000 75,000 90,000
6 AIR CRASH INVESTIGATIONS-WED Seven 804,000 204,000 252,000 148,000 84,000 116,000
7 SUPERSTARS OF DANCE Nine 797,000 197,000 254,000 146,000 79,000 121,000
8 CITY HOMICIDE-WED (R) Seven 790,000 232,000 222,000 147,000 93,000 97,000
9 COLD CASE -EP1 RPT Nine 776,000 180,000 256,000 136,000 99,000 105,000
12 FUTURAMA WED Ten 692,000 185,000 201,000 126,000 87,000 93,000
14 THE CLEVELAND SHOW Ten 637,000 169,000 231,000 72,000 79,000 85,000
21 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 572,000 132,000 196,000 83,000 61,000 100,000
27 CALIFORNICATION WED Ten 416,000 119,000 161,000 57,000 47,000 31,000
49 REX IN ROME SBS ONE 219,000 66,000 68,000 24,000 31,000 30,000
87 MOTHER AND SON 7TWO 128,000 28,000 50,000 27,000 13,000 10,000
98 THE UNIT 7TWO 114,000 17,000 43,000 36,000 10,000 8,000
128 TIN MAN 7TWO 81,000 14,000 24,000 23,000 10,000 10,000
134 FRINGE GO! 77,000 22,000 27,000 15,000 7,000 7,000
194 RICHARD HAMMOND'S BLAST LAB ABC3 40,000 26,000 0 0 2,000 13,000

What Australia watched, Tuesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,242,000 348,000 363,000 214,000 127,000 191,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,153,000 330,000 330,000 219,000 120,000 154,000
3 NINE NEWS Nine 985,000 265,000 273,000 238,000 112,000 96,000
4 ABC NEWS ABC1 923,000 225,000 290,000 192,000 96,000 120,000
5 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 879,000 218,000 275,000 209,000 89,000 88,000
7 HITLER'S FAVOURITE ROYAL ABC1 878,000 256,000 240,000 177,000 86,000 118,000
13 SURVIVOR: SAMOA -EP2 Nine 762,000 277,000 223,000 106,000 60,000 96,000
15 WHITE COLLAR TUES Ten 753,000 186,000 236,000 158,000 91,000 83,000
16 SURVIVOR: SAMOA -EP1 Nine 702,000 252,000 184,000 135,000 49,000 83,000
17 PRIVATE PRACTICE Seven 682,000 180,000 193,000 117,000 110,000 82,000
19 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 635,000 190,000 215,000 80,000 73,000 77,000
21 ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE Ten 604,000 154,000 237,000 98,000 49,000 66,000
23 DANNII MINOGUE: MY STORY Seven 585,000 130,000 181,000 88,000 105,000 81,000
27 THE OFFICE TUES Ten 481,000 138,000 172,000 75,000 46,000 49,000
58 THE CIRCUIT SBS ONE 193,000 64,000 40,000 38,000 29,000 22,000
78 MOTHER AND SON 7TWO 130,000 32,000 45,000 27,000 13,000 15,000
96 SEINFELD GO! 101,000 28,000 35,000 12,000 17,000 8,000
101 UGLY BETTY 7TWO 96,000 27,000 30,000 16,000 10,000 14,000
105 TOOL ACADEMY GO! 94,000 22,000 34,000 16,000 9,000 13,000
110 LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN Ten 92,000 22,000 20,000 25,000 15,000 10,000

What Australia watched, Monday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,263,000 352,000 361,000 230,000 159,000 162,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,169,000 328,000 301,000 233,000 151,000 157,000
3 THE MENTALIST -RPT Nine 1,131,000 277,000 370,000 241,000 116,000 128,000
4 NINE NEWS Nine 1,087,000 320,000 313,000 223,000 123,000 110,000
5 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,021,000 309,000 295,000 216,000 105,000 95,000
6 DESTROYED IN SECONDS Seven 998,000 293,000 249,000 197,000 101,000 159,000
7 ABC NEWS ABC1 915,000 260,000 280,000 168,000 94,000 113,000
11 THE MIDDLE Nine 859,000 242,000 269,000 169,000 80,000 100,000
16 ELDERS WITH ANDREW DENTON ABC1 686,000 214,000 200,000 128,000 69,000 75,000
17 7.30 REPORT ABC1 685,000 218,000 200,000 123,000 69,000 76,000
18 TOP GEAR SBS ONE 681,000 234,000 178,000 150,000 66,000 53,000
19 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 608,000 172,000 215,000 89,000 52,000 80,000
22 STARGATE UNIVERSE Ten 558,000 181,000 138,000 113,000 65,000 61,000
25 30 ROCK (R) Seven 515,000 148,000 192,000 89,000 48,000 37,000
26 DESTINATION: FIFA WORLD CUP SBS ONE 509,000 169,000 160,000 92,000 44,000 44,000
30 SUPERNATURAL Ten 461,000 143,000 129,000 94,000 52,000 43,000
31 MAKE 'EM LAUGH: THE FUNNY BUSINESS OF AMERICA ABC1 409,000 140,000 118,000 72,000 38,000 42,000
34 SUNRISE Seven 347,000 95,000 71,000 91,000 34,000 55,000
39 TODAY Nine 303,000 98,000 98,000 54,000 22,000 31,000
42 PARKS AND RECREATION Seven 294,000 81,000 102,000 65,000 24,000 24,000
67 HEARTBEAT 7TWO 166,000 36,000 51,000 35,000 28,000 16,000
83 MOTHER AND SON 7TWO 126,000 22,000 45,000 26,000 19,000 14,000

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
Three weeks ago, drowning in the political turbulence that engulfed the nation at the time, this column asked readers to create brief verse involving our current, potential and just passed leaders.

The prize is a reference work called The Little Book of Australia, to be published on January 26, 2010. Below you can study the three winners (who should be so kind as to send their address details as a not-for-publication comment). To read all the other entries, go here.

2paw
There once was a zealot called Tony,
Who spouted a lot of baloney.
Then Malcolm was 'spilled',
And Tony was thrilled:
Voted leader by just one small crony.

Bereft Skerrick
To show our Fearless Leader has hope
Beloved Kruddy does the work of the Pope
Not left up to Holy Father
Deiify McKillop, Kruddy'd rather
Another celebrity ticked off, what a dope!

darren
Over the NSW leadership they battle
As their brains like the Tangaras rattle.
Sartor or Rees?
There's the eyes, here's the fleece.
Now, pull! while the booths fill with cattle.
Because pulling's their game-
Their right arms are lame,
Bending over's inflamed the lumbago.
They're fatcats in plaid,
Kristina, Obeid,
Frankie and Eric and Joe-Joe.
And when the bridges fall down
And the bus rides through town
Have slowed to a mutha in trickle,
We'll remember with frowns
That that carful of clowns
Was our fault. It was us made that pickle.

What Australia watched, Sunday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 THE VICAR OF DIBLEY CHRISTMAS SPECIAL (A different one from last week, apparently) Seven 1,284,000 362,000 421,000 238,000 133,000 130,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,194,000 302,000 342,000 293,000 128,000 129,000
3 BORDER PATROL-SUN Seven 1,159,000 327,000 332,000 235,000 132,000 133,000
4 SPICKS AND SPECKS: A VERY SPECKY CHRISTMAS ABC1 1,034,000 315,000 332,000 201,000 85,000 101,000
5 BONES (R) Seven 1,005,000 284,000 238,000 220,000 134,000 129,000
6 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 959,000 280,000 290,000 204,000 83,000 103,000
7 HAMISH & ANDY RE-GIFTED RPT Ten 808,000 198,000 300,000 180,000 58,000 72,000
12 OLIVER TWIST ABC1 540,000 182,000 182,000 68,000 48,000 60,000
13 THIRD TEST - AUSTRALIA V WEST INDIES Nine 482,000 138,000 166,000 101,000 47,000 31,000
14 ABOUT A BOY RPT Ten 479,000 114,000 188,000 77,000 47,000 53,000
22 A HISTORY OF SCOTLAND SBS ONE 302,000 77,000 83,000 73,000 30,000 40,000
25 HESTON'S FEASTS SBS ONE 267,000 81,000 86,000 48,000 22,000 30,000
28 THE DAGG SEA SCROLLS ABC1 227,000 56,000 61,000 57,000 28,000 25,000
44 WIPEOUT AUSTRALIA GO! 154,000 29,000 65,000 3,000 22,000 35,000
52 WIPEOUT GO! 125,000 23,000 44,000 32,000 8,000 18,000
54 GILLIGAN'S ISLAND -RPT Nine 114,000 58,000 32,000 24,000
62 THE NANNY GO! 93,000 22,000 28,000 17,000 8,000 19,000
77 GIDGET GOES HAWAIIAN GO! 82,000 28,000 15,000 13,000 7,000 19,000
85 GIDGET GO! 78,000 19,000 23,000 12,000 7,000 18,000

And this was Pay TV's account of itself for the week just ended: "As Australia winds down for the Christmas break, subscription TV continues to entertain kids with family-friendly programming. The Simpsons on FOX8 topped the week with 169,000 viewers and Phineas and Ferb on Disney Channel had its best result of the year with 102,000 viewers. The Drake & Josh Xmas Movie premiered on Nickelodeon with 69,000 viewers and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on Playhouse Disney was seen by 55,000 people.

Adults liking the police procedurals and whodunits were also well served with 112,000 people watching Midsomer Murders on UKTV, 98,000 viewers watching NCIS on TV1 and 91,000 people seeing Law & Order on W. In sport, Live: Football: A-League Melb v Syd was watched by 70,000 people and Live: Cricket: Ford Ranger Cup was seen by 58,000 people (both on FOX Sports).

"Subscription TV continues to dominate the summer TV landscape with more viewers around Australia than any of the other networks. In week 51, subscription TV channels accounted for 23.4% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.4% of all regional viewing and 60.4% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending December 19, 2009
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 THE VICAR OF DIBLEY CHRISTMAS SPECIAL Seven 1,288,000 316,000 436,000 224,000 146,000 166,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,237,000 322,000 357,000 233,000 149,000 176,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,234,000 312,000 349,000 264,000 147,000 163,000
4 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,205,000 327,000 348,000 207,000 138,000 185,000
5 BORDER PATROL-SUN Seven 1,198,000 326,000 371,000 247,000 119,000 136,000
6 BONES (R) Seven 1,127,000 274,000 327,000 236,000 125,000 167,000
7 THE MENTALIST -RPT Nine 1,109,000 291,000 389,000 196,000 116,000 116,000
8 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,088,000 265,000 326,000 230,000 130,000 137,000
9 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,084,000 256,000 325,000 215,000 112,000 176,000
10 NINE NEWS Nine 1,068,000 291,000 339,000 226,000 118,000 94,000
11 brand name removed CAROLS IN THE DOMAIN Seven 1,007,000 361,000 323,000 128,000 112,000 84,000
12 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE-MON (R) Seven 992,000 295,000 280,000 210,000 74,000 134,000
13 DESTROYED IN SECONDS Seven 989,000 276,000 271,000 224,000 96,000 122,000
14 OUTBACK WILDLIFE RESCUE Seven 987,000 249,000 299,000 220,000 96,000 122,000
15 TWO AND A HALF MEN -MON Nine 964,000 295,000 273,000 209,000 78,000 111,000
16 COLD CASE Nine 962,000 224,000 319,000 151,000 138,000 130,000
17 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 950,000 265,000 302,000 181,000 117,000 86,000
18 THE MIDDLE Nine 949,000 262,000 319,000 182,000 81,000 104,000
19 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 946,000 278,000 284,000 203,000 76,000 106,000
20 BACKSTAIRS BILLY: THE QUEEN MUM'S BUTLER ABC1 923,000 289,000 222,000 177,000 98,000 138,000
21 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS SUMMER Seven 921,000 282,000 269,000 159,000 103,000 108,000
22 AIR CRASH INVESTIGATIONS-WED Seven 885,000 226,000 235,000 170,000 111,000 142,000
23 ABC NEWS ABC1 883,000 256,000 267,000 156,000 84,000 120,000
24 CASTLE (R) Seven 881,000 214,000 286,000 158,000 104,000 119,000
25 GLEE Ten 870,000 220,000 298,000 179,000 69,000 103,000
26 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER-SUMMER Seven 865,000 225,000 263,000 171,000 96,000 110,000
27 CITY HOMICIDE-WED (R) Seven 833,000 219,000 247,000 189,000 78,000 101,000
28 THE AMAZING RACE 15 - TUE Seven 833,000 281,000 267,000 131,000 80,000 73,000
29 NCIS RPT Ten 831,000 214,000 226,000 170,000 113,000 108,000
30 SURVIVOR: SAMOA -EP2 Nine 830,000 246,000 301,000 123,000 57,000 103,000
86 TOP GEAR SBS ONE 541,000 171,000 142,000 115,000 55,000 58,000
125 OZ AND JAMES'S BIG WINE ADVENTURE SBS ONE 330,000 89,000 118,000 64,000 29,000 30,000
179 HEARTBEAT 7TWO 216,000 53,000 62,000 28,000 37,000 36,000
196 STARGATE ATLANTIS 7TWO 183,000 44,000 56,000 38,000 23,000 23,000
230 MOTHER AND SON 7TWO 147,000 30,000 49,000 31,000 20,000 16,000
233 WIPEOUT GO! 145,000 25,000 50,000 28,000 22,000 20,000
236 RED DWARF SPECIAL 2009: BACK TO EARTH ABC2 144,000 44,000 29,000 15,000 33,000 23,000

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,088,000 265,000 326,000 230,000 130,000 137,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,084,000 256,000 325,000 215,000 112,000 176,000
3 brand name CAROLS IN THE DOMAIN Seven 1,007,000 361,000 323,000 128,000 112,000 84,000
4 THIRD TEST - AUSTRALIA V WEST INDIES Nine 811,000 234,000 249,000 165,000 83,000 80,000
5 NO LEAVE NO LIFE Seven 726,000 179,000 216,000 134,000 88,000 108,000
6 ABC NEWS-SA ABC1 694,000 198,000 186,000 126,000 75,000 109,000
7 IRRESISTIBLE Nine 694,000 224,000 292,000 68,000 63,000 47,000
8 BORDERLINE Seven 640,000 148,000 219,000 120,000 68,000 84,000
9 KINGDOM Seven 636,000 187,000 209,000 88,000 62,000 90,000
10 TAGGART ABC1 634,000 130,000 163,000 127,000 85,000 129,000
11 The BILL ABC1 616,000 155,000 152,000 129,000 59,000 122,000
17 KING KONG RPT Ten 439,000 143,000 136,000 60,000 45,000 56,000
21 M-ADVENTURES OF PRISCILLA: QUEEN OF THE DESERT Seven 356,000 110,000 114,000 43,000 53,000 34,000
24 MYTHBUSTERS RPT SBS ONE 293,000 108,000 62,000 62,000 32,000 30,000
30 ROCKWIZ SBS ONE 249,000 82,000 63,000 41,000 20,000 43,000
52 M-THE CROCODILE HUNTER 7TWO 111,000 19,000 37,000 18,000 18,000 18,000
72 GET SMART GO! 90,000 25,000 33,000 10,000 11,000 11,000
108 BERT AND ERNIE'S GREAT ADVENTURES ABC2 59,000 28,000 19,000 1,000 2,000 9,000
157 RAGE ABC1 42,000 12,000 9,000 10,000 5,000 5,000

What Australia watched, Friday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 NINE NEWS Nine 1,100,000 302,000 347,000 250,000 112,000 89,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,053,000 311,000 288,000 183,000 112,000 158,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,039,000 317,000 282,000 188,000 120,000 131,000
4 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS SUMMER Seven 921,000 282,000 269,000 159,000 103,000 108,000
5 ABC NEWS ABC1 791,000 242,000 239,000 150,000 64,000 97,000
6 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER-SUMMER Seven 753,000 208,000 230,000 150,000 77,000 88,000
7 THIRD TEST - AUSTRALIA V WEST INDIES Nine 681,000 192,000 214,000 138,000 74,000 63,000
8 THE FIRST WIVES CLUB RPT Ten 668,000 185,000 215,000 119,000 66,000 83,000
9 HEIST -RPT Nine 619,000 157,000 230,000 104,000 71,000 56,000
12 M-FLOOD Seven 552,000 166,000 141,000 117,000 67,000 61,000
13 WIRE IN THE BLOOD RPT ABC1 542,000 143,000 184,000 89,000 53,000 73,000
14 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE FRI Ten 507,000 156,000 173,000 88,000 52,000 38,000
19 TOP GEAR SBS ONE 423,000 137,000 119,000 87,000 38,000 42,000
21 ROBBIE THE REINDEER: CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE HERD ABC1 396,000 99,000 105,000 96,000 35,000 61,000
60 MOTHER AND SON 7TWO 135,000 28,000 52,000 29,000 12,000 13,000
70 DOCTOR WHO: THE NEXT DOCTOR ABC2 117,000 22,000 35,000 31,000 16,000 13,000
79 BULLETPROOF MONK GO! 105,000 21,000 42,000 10,000 11,000 21,000

What Australia watched, Thursday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,389,000 346,000 433,000 267,000 155,000 188,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,286,000 369,000 414,000 198,000 114,000 190,000
3 NINE NEWS Nine 1,055,000 268,000 356,000 217,000 140,000 74,000
4 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER-SUMMER Seven 912,000 224,000 266,000 213,000 94,000 116,000
5 WHACKED OUT SPORTS Seven 829,000 216,000 259,000 176,000 76,000 103,000
6 M-DIE HARD Seven 810,000 205,000 271,000 153,000 87,000 94,000
7 ABC NEWS ABC1 794,000 238,000 251,000 129,000 77,000 99,000
8 RESCUE SPECIAL OPS -RPT Nine 771,000 198,000 265,000 125,000 97,000 87,000
9 GARY UNMARRIED-THU Seven 767,000 191,000 209,000 177,000 88,000 102,000
10 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 702,000 165,000 231,000 138,000 81,000 86,000
11 7.30 REPORT ABC1 671,000 204,000 190,000 130,000 61,000 86,000
12 THIRD TEST - AUSTRALIA V WEST INDIES Nine 670,000 185,000 240,000 122,000 67,000 56,000
13 STAR OF BETHLEHEM: BEHIND THE MYTH-EV ABC1 666,000 224,000 154,000 144,000 63,000 81,000
14 LIE TO ME THURS RPT Ten 661,000 194,000 201,000 139,000 64,000 63,000
15 FRANCESCO'S MEDITERRANEAN VOYAGE ABC1 623,000 205,000 137,000 155,000 47,000 78,000
16 ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE THURS Ten 607,000 158,000 221,000 106,000 60,000 63,000
17 THE 7PM PROJECT Ten 592,000 174,000 217,000 93,000 53,000 54,000
18 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 569,000 164,000 230,000 67,000 63,000 44,000
22 THE OFFICE THURS Ten 515,000 140,000 165,000 108,000 49,000 52,000
29 OZ AND JAMES'S BIG WINE ADVENTURE SBS ONE 333,000 90,000 120,000 63,000 29,000 30,000
30 LUKE NGUYEN'S VIETNAM SBS ONE 315,000 100,000 121,000 45,000 24,000 25,000
51 STARGATE ATLANTIS 7TWO 183,000 44,000 56,000 38,000 23,000 23,000

What Australia watched, Wednesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,350,000 334,000 395,000 249,000 164,000 209,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,279,000 319,000 380,000 203,000 178,000 199,000
3 NINE NEWS Nine 1,134,000 296,000 376,000 228,000 141,000 94,000
4 COLD CASE Nine 1,000,000 249,000 348,000 145,000 134,000 123,000
5 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER-SUMMER Seven 933,000 237,000 295,000 177,000 95,000 128,000
6 ABC NEWS ABC1 897,000 217,000 306,000 142,000 84,000 149,000
7 AIR CRASH INVESTIGATIONS-WED Seven 885,000 226,000 235,000 170,000 111,000 142,000
8 CITY HOMICIDE-WED (R) Seven 833,000 219,000 247,000 189,000 78,000 101,000
9 FUTURAMA WED Ten 749,000 198,000 249,000 137,000 80,000 86,000
10 THE CLEVELAND SHOW Ten 730,000 208,000 233,000 133,000 64,000 91,000
12 THE COMMANDER Nine 701,000 186,000 237,000 87,000 92,000 99,000
16 THIRD TEST - AUSTRALIA V WEST INDIES Nine 670,000 177,000 255,000 116,000 74,000 49,000
19 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 587,000 153,000 203,000 100,000 61,000 70,000
24 CALIFORNICATION WED Ten 417,000 102,000 167,000 67,000 43,000 38,000
41 CHANDON PICTURES ABC1 263,000 80,000 87,000 41,000 29,000 27,000

What Australia watched, Tuesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,194,000 279,000 326,000 245,000 169,000 175,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,166,000 274,000 313,000 234,000 160,000 185,000
3 NINE NEWS Nine 988,000 283,000 298,000 208,000 95,000 104,000
4 ABC NEWS ABC1 953,000 279,000 249,000 187,000 104,000 133,000
5 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 932,000 266,000 285,000 193,000 74,000 114,000
6 BACKSTAIRS BILLY: THE QUEEN MUM'S BUTLER ABC1 930,000 291,000 223,000 178,000 99,000 139,000
7 THE AMAZING RACE 15 - TUE Seven 833,000 281,000 267,000 131,000 80,000 73,000
8 NCIS RPT Ten 831,000 214,000 226,000 170,000 113,000 108,000
9 SURVIVOR: SAMOA -EP2 Nine 829,000 245,000 301,000 123,000 57,000 103,000
10 CHRISTMAS AT THE WHITE HOUSE: AN OPRAH SPECIAL Ten 816,000 246,000 215,000 158,000 101,000 95,000
14 SURVIVOR: SAMOA -EP1 Nine 783,000 226,000 259,000 148,000 53,000 98,000
15 PRIVATE PRACTICE-TUE Seven 782,000 221,000 241,000 140,000 97,000 82,000
16 GARY UNMARRIED-TUE Seven 776,000 194,000 240,000 124,000 118,000 100,000
21 MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING -RPT Nine 629,000 196,000 205,000 84,000 75,000 69,000
23 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 576,000 130,000 205,000 89,000 99,000 54,000
29 30 ROCK (R) Seven 358,000 90,000 120,000 76,000 37,000 34,000
53 THE CIRCUIT SBS ONE 205,000 56,000 54,000 37,000 28,000 29,000
62 MOTHER AND SON 7TWO 173,000 44,000 51,000 31,000 23,000 23,000
69 UGLY BETTY 7TWO 142,000 45,000 39,000 21,000 16,000 21,000

What Australia watched, Monday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,244,000 363,000 346,000 217,000 127,000 191,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,210,000 333,000 351,000 215,000 136,000 175,000
3 THE MENTALIST -RPT Nine 1,114,000 294,000 391,000 197,000 115,000 117,000
4 NINE NEWS Nine 1,030,000 300,000 306,000 224,000 98,000 102,000
5 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE-MON (R) Seven 992,000 295,000 280,000 210,000 74,000 134,000
6 DESTROYED IN SECONDS Seven 989,000 276,000 271,000 224,000 96,000 122,000
7 ABC NEWS ABC1 981,000 305,000 289,000 171,000 93,000 124,000
8 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 972,000 293,000 286,000 214,000 79,000 99,000
9 TWO AND A HALF MEN -MON Nine 958,000 294,000 268,000 209,000 76,000 110,000
10 THE MIDDLE Nine 936,000 258,000 314,000 180,000 81,000 103,000
16 STARGATE UNIVERSE Ten 744,000 233,000 203,000 135,000 80,000 93,000
17 ELDERS WITH ANDREW DENTON ABC1 732,000 218,000 200,000 136,000 85,000 94,000
20 TOP GEAR SBS ONE 651,000 202,000 163,000 140,000 72,000 74,000
31 30 ROCK (R) Seven 416,000 122,000 135,000 82,000 44,000 32,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, Sunday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 THE VICAR OF DIBLEY CHRISTMAS SPECIAL Seven 1,288,000 316,000 436,000 224,000 146,000 166,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,234,000 312,000 349,000 264,000 147,000 163,000
3 BORDER PATROL-SUN Seven 1,198,000 326,000 371,000 247,000 119,000 136,000
4 BONES (R) Seven 1,127,000 274,000 327,000 236,000 125,000 167,000
5 OUTBACK WILDLIFE RESCUE Seven 987,000 249,000 299,000 220,000 96,000 122,000
6 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 948,000 265,000 300,000 181,000 117,000 86,000
7 CASTLE (R) Seven 881,000 214,000 286,000 158,000 104,000 119,000
8 GLEE Ten 870,000 220,000 298,000 179,000 69,000 103,000
9 20 TO 1 -SUN Nine 820,000 255,000 218,000 163,000 80,000 103,000
10 SCHOOLS SPECTACULAR 2009 ABC1 794,000 309,000 215,000 122,000 50,000 99,000
11 HOSTAGE -RPT Nine 758,000 218,000 232,000 156,000 84,000 68,000
12 DAVID ATTENBOROUGH'S - LIFE IN COLD BLOOD -RPT Nine 750,000 167,000 224,000 147,000 109,000 102,000
13 ABC NEWS-SUN ABC1 743,000 240,000 214,000 118,000 54,000 117,000
16 LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE RPT Ten 663,000 166,000 235,000 105,000 80,000 77,000
17 ALBERT'S MEMORIAL ABC1 579,000 197,000 160,000 91,000 57,000 75,000
20 DON'T FORGET THE LYRICS SUN Ten 422,000 91,000 133,000 91,000 51,000 56,000
21 A HISTORY OF SCOTLAND SBS ONE 404,000 113,000 110,000 86,000 45,000 49,000
27 HESTON'S FEASTS SBS ONE 302,000 91,000 85,000 53,000 25,000 47,000
32 FIRST TUESDAY BOOK CLUB SUMMER SPECIAL ABC1 216,000 77,000 69,000 30,000 17,000 23,000
34 WIPEOUT GO! 198,000 34,000 71,000 37,000 29,000 27,000
39 JOHN ADAMS SBS ONE 174,000 51,000 41,000 42,000 24,000 17,000
65 CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM GO! 99,000 14,000 43,000 10,000 14,000 16,000

David Dale is the author of The Little Book of Australia -- A snapshot of who we are (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in whoweare-index at 05:18 AM
• Comments (109)

The Tribal Mind: The original hero's journey

To learn why Twitter is over, go to Who We Are

by David Dale
AVATAR and Gilgamesh are the bookends of 4,000 years of human storytelling - although neither of them is actually a book. Avatar is James Cameron's latest MEMEM (Most Expensive Movie Ever Made), showing on 588 screens across Australia, and seen by 1.5 million of us in its first seven days. It's been described as "Aliens meets Pocahontas" and "Dances With Wolves meets Apocalypse Now".

Gilgamesh is the OSEP (Oldest Story Ever Published), an epic that used to be called He Who Saw The Deep, which was scratched onto baked clay screens around 2000 BC. It was as much of a technological breakthrough in its time as Avatar is in ours. Before He Who Saw The Deep, cuneiform writing was used only to keep the financial accounts of the kings and priests of Mesopotamia (an area now labelled Iraq). Then a group of adventurous scribes stretched this new communication tool by attempting a permanent record of a hero's journey which until then had only been spoken.

Lets do a checklist to compare humanity's oldest epic with humanity's newest epic:

Do you need special tools to get the best from the story?
With Gilgamesh, you need a translator from Akkadian into English, and a writer who can capture the poetry (I recommend Stephen Mitchell, in the edition published by Profile Books). With Avatar, you need 3-D glasses, which are ever-so-slightly disorienting and add to the dreamlike quality.

Does the hero go through a transformation and gain self-knowledge?
Yes, in both. In Avatar, the hero is a soldier named Jake Sully, who is initially committed to the profits of a mining company but becomes the champion of an oppressed indigenous race on a distant moon called Pandora. In Gilgamesh, the protagonist is an arrogant king who rapes his female subjects and bashes his male subjects, but comes to realise the only way to achieve immortality is to do good things in his lifetime. In a dazzllng twist, he also becomes the narrator of his own transformation.

Is there an ecological message?
Yes, in both. King Gilgamesh and his friend Enkidu anger the gods by killing the guardian of a cedar forest (in what is now Lebanon) and chopping down sacred trees. As a consequence, Enkidu grows sick and dies, and Gilgamesh spends his life mourning his friend. In Avatar, the mining company angers the planet goddess by bombing a sacred tree, and I won't spoil the suspense by telling you what happens.

How's the sex?
Good in both, but Gilgamesh scores higher. Enkidu starts as a wild man who is civilised by making love for seven days with a priestess named Shamhat. Jake Sully comes to understand the native mindset through a night of love with a warrior named Neytiri.

Are there jokes?
Avatar is about as funny as Titanic (ie humour is not James Cameron's strong point), while Gilgamesh contains a hilarious discussion between the king and the goddess Ishtar, who has developed a crush on him. She says: "Marry me, give me your luscious fruits", but Gil details how all her previous husbands met horrible deaths: "If I too became your lover, you would treat me as cruelly as you treated them." Ishtar throws a hissy fit, and sends The Bull of Heaven to kill Gil and Enk.

Memorable female characters?
Again, Gilgamesh scores higher. Avatar has Sigourney Weaver in the mentor role -- a scientist who wants to understand the planet's biodiversity -- and Neytiri, Pandora's answer to Pocahontas. Gilgamesh has Shamhat the seductress, the goddess Ishtar and a wise barmaid called Shiduri, who warns Gil that "the gods gave death to man and kept life for themselves".

A strong villain?
Avatar's Colonel Quaritch, who embodies the US war machine, tells his troops: "There's an aboriginal horde out there massing for an attack. We'll blow a hole in their racial memory so big they won't come back for a hundred years." Gilgamesh is less obvious. The king starts out bad but comes good, Ishtar is just a spoiled brat, while Humbaba, the "monster" in the forest, tells his two attackers: "You know that this is my place and that I am the forest's guardian ... If you kill me, you will call down the gods' wrath, and their judgement will be severe. I could have killed you at the forest's edge and fed your guts to the shrieking vultures and crows. Now it is your turn to show me mercy." (They don't, leaving the reader wondering who is the real villain).

Would Gilgamesh make a great movie? Would Avatar make a great clay tablet?
Yes to the first (I envisage Brad Pitt and Matt Damon as Gil and Enk, with George Clooney as Humbaba, Megan Fox as Ishtar, Tina Fey as Shamhat and Meryl Streep as Shiduri). But I'm afraid Avatar is a single medium phenomenon -- it could only ever be a movie (but a damn good one).

Go to Comments to discuss the significance of Avatar and Gilgamesh.

David Dale is the author of The Little Book of Australia -- A snapshot of who we are (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 11:40 PM
• Comments (5)

WHO WE ARE: Couldn't give a twit

To learn what Avatar has in common with Gilgamesh, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 27/12/2009
It was the year when Twitter came and went -- a fad formed in February and dropped in December, proof that this is the land of the short attention span.

Australia has long been legendary as a nation of Early Adopters, the ideal test market for new gadgets and products. We embraced colour TV, the VCR, the mobile phone, the games machine, the DVD and the iPod faster than any other outpost of Western civilisation.

Now it's apparent that another of our traits could be equally useful to the international marketing industry -- we are Early Discarders. On television, we lost interest in Lost, Ugly Betty, Heroes, Prison Break, 24 and Flashforward long before the Americans.

In communications, Australia's most trendsetting spokesmodel, Ruby Rose, announced that she has cancelled her Twitter service. Telling the world everything you're doing every minute is just not amusing any more. Ruby Rose has apparently experienced an epiphany: that when you have nothing interesting to say, there is no need to say anything. If Australia's answer to Paris Hilton decides she couldn't give a twit, the rest of the partygoing community cannot be far behind. Rose is not necessarily a cause, but she is almost certainly a symptom of social change.

Back in February, when the media started trumpeting Twitter as the hottest self-promotion tool since the megaphone, I asked a social researcher what he made of it. "It's a classic case of BOFSDT" he replied. That acronym stands for Boring Old Farts Suddenly Discover Technology.

"The teenagers aren't using it," he said. "They're happy with FaceBook. People over 30 do most of the twittering -- especially politicians and journalists who think it makes them hip and groovy. Their children think it's a wank."

The Twitter frenzy of the BOFs peaked during the Liberal leadership chaos, when multitudes of grey-haired males were seen frantically thumbing their mobiles in party rooms and parliamentary chambers. It was downhill from there. A month later Ruby Rose delivered the death blow.

In designing a communication tool by which people with short attention spans could scatter their every thought to the winds, the creators of Twitter planted the seeds of their own destruction -- because people with short attention spans must move on.

The media observers who hailed Twitter as The Next Big Thing were like the writers of the movie trilogy Back to the Future. In episode two, Michael J. Fox travels to the year 2015, and finds that all communications are conducted by fax. Every room in the house contains a machine spewing out shiny paper messages. That proved to be one of the most embarrassing predictions of the 20th century.

The film was made in 1989, when the writers could not have foreseen the arrival of text messaging and the internet. But anyone currently planning a movie about the year 2015 has the benefit of Ruby Rose's revelation to save them from suggesting Twitter will still be around in five years time.

I'd like to be able to predict that by 2015 people will no longer become famous simply by appearing at a lot of parties, but that social change may take a little longer.

Go to Comments to discuss other fads that are on the way out.

Footnote:: Since that column appeared, Ruby Rose has reopened her twitter account to announce her latest plan to marry a model, while the British comedian Stephen Fry has deleted his twitter account in order to get on with real life.

David Dale is the author of The Little Book of Australia -- A snapshot of who we are (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in whoweare-index at 07:24 PM
• Comments (16)

The Tribal Mind: The best of the binge boxes

For the winners of the Tribal Mind's political poetry contest, go here.

by David Dale
Heaven forbid that this column would ever be caught providing a suggestion list for last minute Christmas shoppers - such sentimentality should stay in the fluffier sections of this website. But if you were to draw inspiration from what follows -- a scholarly analysis of the year's most bingeworthy boxed sets -- we won't send the frivolity police around to stop you.

Binge was the word in 2009. Betrayed by TV networks who played silly buggers with timeslots, showed series out of order, and shifted smart material to digital graveyards, the viewers fought back by heading for the video store. Then they stayed up till the early hours watching episode after episode of their favourite shows, commercial free and in the order their makers intended.

The research organisation GfK Australia has kindly provided a chart of the 50 DVDs that made the most money this year, and of them, 13 were TV series (while two were music - Pink's Funhouse Tour and Andre Rieu Live in Australia). Five years ago a DVD top 50 would have been all movies, each offering a mere two hours of escapism. These were this year's Big Binges ...

Top selling boxed sets of 2009
1 Underbelly series 2
2 Underbelly series 1
3 Gossip Girl season 1
4 True Blood season 1
5 Family Guy season 8
6 Dexter season 3
7 Supernatural season 3
8 NCIS season 5
9 Family Guy season 7
10 Gossip Girl season 2.

So Australians have been bingeing on nudity, violence, dirty jokes, mystery, and teenage soap opera. And blood, endlessly gushing blood. Now here's what they should have been buying (and will in the next two days, if they haven't yet done their Xmas shopping):

The Wire The second best TV series ever made (not quite number one because The Sopranos is funnier) can only be appreciated via the binge. There are too many characters and too much street slang to hold in your head for a week between episodes. Three per night is the ideal. Season five is not released yet.

Clarke and Dawe: The Full Catastrophe For 20 years John Clarke has been appearing weekly (but strongly) on The 7.30 Report, sounding only slightly less silly than the politicians he fails to impersonate. Now all his interviews are gathered on three discs. The recommended dose is 14 interviews per night.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles season 2 Any episode of this sadly terminated series is 20 times smarter than this year's Terminator movie. You're forced to binge because each ep leaves you anxious about the fate of characters you love, once you realise that with these writers, nobody is safe. More than three doses a night would be too intense.

East West 101 season 2 Nobody watched this brooding crime series, set in western Sydney, when it was shown on SBS last month. Then it won a pile of writing awards. To find out why, two eps a night should be safe.

Curb Your Enthusiasm season 6 This year the programming gibbons at Channel Nine extracted two fragments from season 7 of the best dystopian sitcom ever made, and showed them out of order, because they happened to include a joke about a Seinfeld reunion. Most viewers chose to wait for the opportunity to see the whole of season 7 on DVD. To understand the story arc, buy season 6 and watch five eps at a time. Then buy season 7 next month with the cash you got in the card from grandma. Not that we are recommending anything.

Go to comments to register your own wish list (then invite your relatives to log on to this page and pick up your hints).

David Dale is the author of The Little Book of Australia -- A snapshot of who we are (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 04:31 PM
• Comments (5)

WHO WE ARE: Things you didn't know -- and probably shouldn't -- about Australia

To learn what Kyle Sandilands, Baz Luhrmann and Poh have in common, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 13/12/2009
AS YOU KNOW, Australia celebrates Thanksgiving in May, while the Americans celebrate in late November. You didn't know? But it was revealed just the other day by Hollywood Reporter magazine, in the course of a story explaining how Australia managed to see the year's final episode of the series Flashforward a week ahead of America (they'd postponed their showing because of the Thanksgiving day holiday, while we had no reason to postpone because we already did our celebrating in May).

As part of its brief to explain Australia to Australians, this column collects things said about us by other countries. The report about our May observance (I wonder what the Los Angelenos imagine we are giving thanks for each year) is just one of many peculiar commentaries in the collection for 2009. Here are some more examples:

Australians love car crashes
That was the headline in The Guardian (London) on August 11. It said: "Australians are peculiarly fascinated by car crashes ... Australian films present hours of compelling evidence - movie crashes explode or unfold in distinctly Australian ways. The national flair comes across not just in the surrounding scenery but, more important, in the style." The report was based on a monograph called "Antipodean Automobility and Crash: Treachery, Trespass and Transformation of the Open Road", by Catherine Simpson of Macquarie University.

Australians are "hopping mad" about plans to create kangaroo and emu flavoured potato chips
The New York Daily News reported this on December 5. It explained: "Critics say the snack food encourages people to eat the country's coat of arms, which features the iconic Australian animals." The story quotes a spokesman for Smith's Crisps as saying the chip is actually vegetarian, and ends with the witty line: "No word from down under on whether there are any plans for cooking up a complementary dip flavor." (Der! Beetroot, of course).

Captain Cook was not a captain and did not save his crew from scurvy
This calumny appears in a paperback called The Book of General Ignorance (derived from the British TV series QI). It claims Cook was only a lieutenant when he bumped our shore, but "You still hear 'Captain Cook' trotted out at dinner parties (though very rarely at Australian ones)." What does this do for our rhyming slang: "Have a captain at this"? "Have a lieutenant at this" just does not work. The book scorns the notion that the non-captain fed his crew lemons to ward off scurvy: "The truth seems to be that Cook simply ignored it. The journals of his fellow officers indicate that it was widespread on all three voyages ..."

The Book of General Ignorance also asserts:

Ayer's Rock is not the biggest rock in the world
Allegedly that title belongs to Mount Augustus, or Burrungurrah, in Western Australia, which is two and a half times bigger than Uluru. The book says: "The final sting in the tail for Ayers Rock snobs: Mount Augustus is a monolith - a single piece of rock. Uluru isn't."

The word "kangaroo" really does refer to the two-legged native marsupial
The book mocks the theory that "kangaroo" means "I don't know" -- the answer allegedly given by Aboriginal people when the first English explorers asked them "What is that animal called?" It says the word "comes from the Guugu Ymithirr language of Botany Bay, where it means the large grey or black kangaroo, Macropus robustus".

This puts The Book of General Ignorance in dispute with the first book ever published about Australia-- A Narrative of the Expedition To Botany Bay (1789), wherein Watkin Tench (a marine lieutenant in the First Fleet) reveals that the Aboriginal people he met were under the impression that "kangaroo" was an English word for any strange-looking animal (because they used "patagaran" for the marsupial). For more detail, go to this episode of this column: Is it a sheep? Is it a cow? No, it's super pat.

But one detail in Tench's book seems to conform with The Book of General Ignorance. He refers at all times to the "discoverer" of Australia's east coast as "Mr Cook" -- never captain.

Go to Comments to add any data you may have, to challenge these foreigners on their perceptions of us, or to add your own Australofallacies.

David Dale is the author of The Little Book of Australia -- A snapshot of who we are (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in whoweare-index at 08:38 PM
• Comments (1)

The Tribal Mind: A vile victory

To discuss some of the strangest things written about Australia in 2009, go to Who We Are.

by David Dale
ANALYSING popular culture is often a blood sport, affording shallow observers such as this column the opportunity to heap insults upon poor celebrities who work their guts out to entertain the masses. As Frank Sinatra said of the Australian media during his 1974 tour: "They're called parasites, because they take and take and take and never give, absolutely never give. I say they're bums and they're always gonna be bums, every one of them."

Well, not this year. Instead of presenting our usual cruel and unnecessary list of the biggest losers, this column is going to be purely positive.

THE WINNERS OF 2009
Pay television Between 2001 and 2009 the population of Australia grew by 10 per cent. Between 2001 and 2009, the average number of people watching prime time TV on Channel Nine dropped 17 per cent, on Channel Seven dropped 10 per cent, on and on Channel Ten dropped 2 per cent. In the same period, Pay TV's audience rose 95 per cent. The free networks' addition this year of digital spinoffs specialising in flops and repeats has done nothing to slow the rise of Pay.

The ABC Between 2001 and 2009, its prime time TV audience has grown by 9 per cent, its metropolitan radio beats most of the commercial talk stations, and its website has expanded to offer serious competition to the newspaper chains.

Matthew Newton Last year he was known only for legal troubles with an ex-girlfriend. This year the nation loved him as a drug dealing murderer with a New Zealand accent. Underbelly - A Tale of Two Cities made him the biggest TV star of the year, and gave him frequent opportunities to cuddle naked women.

Jelena Dokic Proving that Australians love tales of triumph over adversity, Dokic's comeback at the Australian Open pulled as many viewers as Underbelly, and she didn't even need to take her top off.

Shaun Micallef As the year began, his satire Newstopia was pulling less than 200,000 viewers to SBS, and his fans feared he would go down to history as a cult oddity. Then Ten's Talkin' 'Bout Your Generation became a hit, and he was the Jelena Dokic of comedy.

Kyle Sandilands Radio station 2DayFM briefly suspended him for arrogant insensitivity, Channel Ten sacked him from the judging panel of Australian Idol, and surveys showed he was the nation's least-liked celebrity. By year end, his radio ratings were up and Idol had lost half a million viewers. No doubt he'll star in Underbelly 4.

Poh Ling Yeow On MasterChef, she represented the qualities of the new Australia (i.e. interesting), and accepted the ABC's offer to present her own series.

Hamish Blake He said yes to every invitation, and his ubiquity let him bump Hugh Jackman from the top of the Q Scores survey as the most recognized and liked person in the land.

Baz Luhrmann The critics and the historians sneered, but his melodrama Australia became the second most successful local movie of all time at the cinema, and then the top selling DVD of the year (ahead of Twilight, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, The Dark Knight, Mamma Mia! and the boxed set of Underbelly 2.)

Bruce Beresford He published a book called Josh Hartnett Definitely Wants To Do This, which showed how hard it is to get any movie made, then demonstrated, with Mao's Last Dancer, how easy it is to persuade Australians to see an Australian film - you just set it in another country, with stars who are either Chinese or American.

Go to Comments to add your own winners for the year

David Dale is the author of The Little Book of Australia -- A snapshot of who we are (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 06:51 PM

The Who We Are update: First fortnight of the silly season, 2009

This week's forum is now a heritage item - worth studying but no longer current. For the latest on Australian attitudes and media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

To learn what Kyle Sandilands, Baz Luhrmann and Poh have in common, go to The Tribal Mind.
To discuss some of the strangest things written about Australia in 2009, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 9 am Monday
For the winners of the limerick contest, go here.

This was Pay TV's account of itself for the week: "High School Musical 3: Senior Year, the third movie in the series, premiered on Disney Channel with 108,000 viewers. NCIS on TV1 also had 108,000 viewers on the Tuesday night broadcast while Grand Designs Abroad on Lifestyle had its best result of the year with 101,000 people. Midsomer Murders on UKTV was watched by 97,000 people and this week's episode from the third season of Gossip Girl on FOX8 scored 92,000 people. Friends on 111 Hits was watched by 75,000 people, Law & Order on W was seen by 69,000 subscribers, Taggart on 13th Street had 68,000 people and Zoey 101 on Nickelodeon was watched by 68,000 viewers.

"In sport, Live: Football: A-League Bris v Adel on FOX Sports was watched by 69,000 people and Sky Raceday on Sky Racing was seen by 66,000 people. In the second week of summer, subscription TV won the week around Australia with subscription TV channels accounting for 24.1% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, 21.6% of all regional viewing and 61.0% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Women aged 16-39 watched, week ending December 12
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 GLEE Ten 246,000 67,000 64,000 60,000 23,000 32,000
2 PRIVATE PRACTICE-TUE Seven 228,000 76,000 59,000 44,000 29,000 20,000
3 M - THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN RPT Ten 217,000 49,000 74,000 44,000 22,000 27,000
4 FUTURAMA WED RPT Ten 180,000 50,000 61,000 28,000 21,000 21,000
5 THE AMAZING RACE 15 - TUE Seven 180,000 65,000 56,000 27,000 21,000 12,000
6 TWO AND A HALF MEN -TUE Nine 180,000 58,000 47,000 32,000 12,000 31,000
7 SURVIVOR: SAMOA Nine 179,000 58,000 64,000 25,000 15,000 16,000
8 THE MIDDLE Nine 178,000 63,000 50,000 30,000 15,000 21,000
9 BONES (R) Seven 177,000 48,000 51,000 42,000 12,000 25,000
10 TWO AND A HALF MEN -MON Nine 174,000 50,000 58,000 30,000 18,000 18,000
11 MR. & MRS. SMITH -RPT Nine 173,000 54,000 61,000 21,000 21,000 17,000
12 ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE Ten 171,000 47,000 47,000 40,000 16,000 21,000
13 GARY UNMARRIED-TUE Seven 171,000 54,000 58,000 25,000 16,000 17,000
14 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER-SUMMER Seven 168,000 44,000 51,000 36,000 18,000 19,000
15 THE MENTALIST -RPT Nine 165,000 36,000 60,000 35,000 13,000 21,000
16 THE CLEVELAND SHOW Ten 164,000 50,000 45,000 28,000 20,000 21,000
17 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE-MON (R) Seven 159,000 49,000 30,000 40,000 17,000 22,000
18 THE SIMPSONS WED Ten 157,000 48,000 57,000 24,000 15,000 13,000
19 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS SUMMER Seven 156,000 48,000 46,000 28,000 18,000 16,000
20 WHITE COLLAR TUES Ten 151,000 29,000 45,000 44,000 14,000 19,000
21 LIE TO ME THURS RPT Ten 147,000 21,000 54,000 34,000 18,000 20,000

22 DESTROYED IN SECONDS Seven 145,000 37,000 25,000 48,000 16,000 19,000
23 GARY UNMARRIED-THU Seven 145,000 36,000 42,000 32,000 17,000 18,000
24 SUPERNATURAL Ten 144,000 41,000 47,000 33,000 14,000 9,000
25 M-THE SANTA CLAUSE 2 Seven 143,000 43,000 47,000 26,000 14,000 13,000
121 HEROES 7TWO 48,000 18,000 11,000 7,000 8,000 4,000
140 UGLY BETTY 7TWO 41,000 14,000 10,000 8,000 5,000 5,000
158 CONSTANTINE GO! 36,000 8,000 7,000 6,000 12,000 2,000
159 REAPER 7TWO 36,000 10,000 13,000 3,000 9,000 0
163 STARGATE ATLANTIS 7TWO 35,000 9,000 16,000 2,000 4,000 3,000
168 WIPEOUT GO! 34,000 7,000 8,000 8,000 5,000 6,000
(OzTAM mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,073,000 277,000 339,000 213,000 90,000 154,000
2 ABC NEWS-SA ABC1 877,000 243,000 289,000 155,000 85,000 106,000
3 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 812,000 190,000 271,000 168,000 103,000 81,000
4 THE BILL ABC1 807,000 251,000 205,000 134,000 87,000 130,000
5 ABC NEWS UP-DATE ABC1 781,000 253,000 231,000 112,000 84,000 100,000
6 NO LEAVE NO LIFE Seven 771,000 177,000 266,000 151,000 69,000 108,000
7 HOPE SPRINGS ABC1 767,000 229,000 234,000 117,000 89,000 99,000
8 TAGGART ABC1 755,000 210,000 227,000 125,000 88,000 105,000
9 BORDERLINE Seven 670,000 161,000 223,000 139,000 60,000 87,000
10 WIPEOUT Nine 612,000 146,000 185,000 128,000 73,000 80,000
12 CRUSOE Nine 593,000 148,000 169,000 120,000 82,000 75,000
13 KINGDOM Seven 565,000 128,000 181,000 112,000 65,000 79,000
15 WALLANDER Seven 496,000 105,000 208,000 85,000 43,000 54,000
23 MYTHBUSTERS SBS ONE 349,000 87,000 101,000 82,000 40,000 39,000
24 AFI AWARDS 2009 Nine 343,000 87,000 128,000 48,000 53,000 28,000
27 IRON CHEF SBS ONE 288,000 91,000 82,000 45,000 39,000 31,000
33 ROCKWIZ SBS ONE 205,000 63,000 50,000 45,000 23,000 23,000
47 M-ROCKY III 7TWO 135,000 34,000 49,000 24,000 13,000 16,000
55 M-ROCKY II 7TWO 120,000 35,000 44,000 23,000 7,000 10,000

What Australia watched, Friday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,098,000 281,000 342,000 204,000 136,000 135,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,064,000 252,000 326,000 213,000 133,000 139,000
3 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS SUMMER Seven 987,000 262,000 301,000 171,000 127,000 126,000
4 ABC NEWS ABC1 874,000 269,000 278,000 153,000 87,000 87,000
5 NINE NEWS Nine 868,000 241,000 249,000 208,000 92,000 78,000
6 M-THE SANTA CLAUSE 2 Seven 787,000 195,000 283,000 133,000 83,000 94,000
7 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 765,000 205,000 225,000 174,000 81,000 80,000
8 MOTORWAY PATROL Nine 740,000 203,000 212,000 138,000 83,000 104,000
9 WIRE IN THE BLOOD RPT ABC1 730,000 208,000 225,000 127,000 67,000 104,000
13 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER-SUMMER Seven 668,000 150,000 182,000 135,000 103,000 97,000
16 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 542,000 147,000 196,000 65,000 60,000 73,000
21 DESTINATION: FIFA WORLD CUP RPT SBS ONE 487,000 131,000 167,000 108,000 33,000 49,000
23 TOP GEAR SBS ONE 423,000 107,000 146,000 94,000 31,000 44,000
24 BONDI VET FRI RPT Ten 390,000 102,000 106,000 75,000 31,000 75,000
37 JOHN SAFRAN: THE LOST PILOT-LE ABC1 255,000 67,000 85,000 54,000 23,000 26,000
42 THE ZOO-SUMMER Seven 216,000 63,000 57,000 37,000 30,000 29,000
64 MOTHER AND SON 7TWO 143,000 35,000 43,000 33,000 16,000 14,000

What Australia watched, Thursday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,162,000 277,000 367,000 221,000 141,000 156,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,069,000 235,000 339,000 213,000 141,000 141,000
3 ABC NEWS ABC1 1,011,000 315,000 294,000 197,000 77,000 129,000
4 NINE NEWS Nine 973,000 287,000 298,000 202,000 101,000 84,000
5 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 946,000 258,000 321,000 203,000 69,000 95,000
6 7.30 REPORT ABC1 884,000 327,000 229,000 161,000 76,000 91,000
7 GETAWAY Nine 870,000 244,000 272,000 160,000 87,000 108,000
8 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER-SUMMER Seven 778,000 177,000 251,000 160,000 94,000 96,000
9 RESCUE SPECIAL OPS -RPT Nine 751,000 201,000 237,000 121,000 89,000 103,000
10 CSI: NY Nine 749,000 221,000 221,000 107,000 111,000 89,000
11 LIE TO ME THURS RPT Ten 741,000 168,000 285,000 129,000 71,000 87,000
12 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO - DAILY EDITION Nine 731,000 192,000 237,000 147,000 58,000 97,000
13 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 710,000 173,000 229,000 128,000 83,000 96,000
14 WHACKED OUT SPORTS Seven 694,000 167,000 221,000 137,000 72,000 97,000
15 GARY UNMARRIED-THU Seven 682,000 147,000 215,000 144,000 80,000 94,000
16 FRANCESCO'S MEDITERRANEAN VOYAGE ABC1 657,000 228,000 167,000 116,000 54,000 91,000
17 THE 7PM PROJECT Ten 631,000 175,000 230,000 100,000 66,000 61,000
18 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 602,000 178,000 232,000 80,000 64,000 48,000
41 STARGATE ATLANTIS 7TWO 250,000 72,000 96,000 36,000 21,000 25,000
72 FIFTH GEAR 7TWO 143,000 42,000 46,000 29,000 15,000 10,000

What Australia watched, Wednesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,185,000 299,000 346,000 205,000 168,000 167,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,175,000 312,000 344,000 216,000 144,000 160,000
3 ABC NEWS ABC1 970,000 290,000 280,000 184,000 89,000 127,000
4 NINE NEWS Nine 944,000 259,000 297,000 190,000 111,000 87,000
5 CITY HOMICIDE (R) Seven 931,000 219,000 331,000 166,000 97,000 118,000
6 TWO AND A HALF MEN -TUE Nine 913,000 279,000 274,000 162,000 86,000 111,000
7 COLD CASE Nine 907,000 262,000 292,000 151,000 96,000 107,000
8 7.30 REPORT ABC1 875,000 265,000 240,000 185,000 80,000 105,000
9 WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU -RPT Nine 869,000 264,000 282,000 131,000 81,000 111,000
10 AIR CRASH INVESTIGATIONS-WED Seven 826,000 224,000 233,000 163,000 89,000 118,000
14 THE CLEVELAND SHOW Ten 749,000 199,000 249,000 139,000 71,000 90,000
20 MY FAMILY ABC1 630,000 177,000 158,000 135,000 67,000 92,000
21 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 594,000 167,000 207,000 84,000 68,000 68,000
27 CALIFORNICATION WED Ten 453,000 116,000 179,000 73,000 45,000 39,000
33 JOHN SAFRAN'S RACE RELATIONS ABC1 322,000 112,000 88,000 52,000 39,000 31,000
81 HEROES 7TWO 124,000 45,000 30,000 21,000 19,000 8,000

What Australia watched, Tuesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,429,000 413,000 492,000 213,000 137,000 174,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,256,000 356,000 388,000 206,000 136,000 171,000
3 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,001,000 301,000 348,000 174,000 84,000 95,000
4 NINE NEWS Nine 988,000 276,000 303,000 192,000 112,000 105,000
5 ABC NEWS ABC1 979,000 301,000 273,000 202,000 84,000 118,000
6 SNOWDON AND MARGARET: INSIDE A ROYAL MARRIAGE ABC1 960,000 310,000 263,000 166,000 102,000 118,000
7 7.30 REPORT ABC1 930,000 305,000 234,000 208,000 86,000 96,000
8 SURVIVOR: SAMOA Nine 911,000 283,000 347,000 123,000 72,000 86,000
9 PRIVATE PRACTICE-TUE Seven 899,000 270,000 267,000 162,000 117,000 83,000
12 JAIL BIRDS ABC1 838,000 235,000 251,000 169,000 88,000 94,000
13 WHACKED OUT SPORTS Seven 827,000 232,000 249,000 162,000 96,000 88,000
14 MR. & MRS. SMITH -RPT Nine 792,000 247,000 284,000 91,000 78,000 92,000
15 GARY UNMARRIED-TUE Seven 757,000 193,000 286,000 116,000 77,000 84,000
16 THE AMAZING RACE 15 - TUE Seven 728,000 232,000 241,000 113,000 76,000 66,000
18 ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE Ten 725,000 173,000 211,000 161,000 88,000 92,000
19 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 685,000 202,000 254,000 97,000 61,000 70,000
20 WHITE COLLAR TUES Ten 685,000 156,000 243,000 138,000 74,000 74,000
25 THE OFFICE TUES Ten 584,000 150,000 176,000 110,000 77,000 72,000
33 30 ROCK (R) Seven 334,000 106,000 110,000 56,000 32,000 31,000
38 DHARMA & GREG Ten 294,000 74,000 82,000 71,000 37,000 31,000
51 THE CIRCUIT SBS ONE 212,000 53,000 69,000 26,000 30,000 34,000
53 PARKS AND RECREATION Seven 201,000 60,000 78,000 25,000 14,000 23,000
63 REAPER 7TWO 172,000 47,000 68,000 27,000 19,000 12,000
65 UGLY BETTY 7TWO 170,000 55,000 54,000 25,000 15,000 21,000
75 MOTHER AND SON 7TWO 138,000 26,000 54,000 19,000 23,000 16,000

The ratings race, updated 10 am Tuesday
How mischievous is Ten -- repeating Malcolm in the Middle just when Nine launches The Middle ... And what did you make of The Middle, anyway? Typical silly season secondrater or potential for prime time?

What Australia watched, Monday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,289,000 346,000 371,000 239,000 162,000 171,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,217,000 325,000 347,000 235,000 160,000 151,000
3 NINE NEWS Nine 1,149,000 318,000 406,000 194,000 124,000 107,000
4 ABC NEWS ABC1 1,096,000 334,000 308,000 208,000 95,000 150,000
5 TWO AND A HALF MEN -MON Nine 1,088,000 277,000 407,000 159,000 91,000 153,000
6 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,081,000 308,000 383,000 194,000 92,000 104,000
7 THE MENTALIST -RPT Nine 1,041,000 261,000 414,000 156,000 98,000 112,000
8 THE MIDDLE Nine 1,027,000 302,000 367,000 139,000 79,000 140,000
14 ELDERS WITH ANDREW DENTON ABC1 804,000 231,000 242,000 169,000 68,000 94,000
16 TOP GEAR RPT SBS ONE 735,000 218,000 199,000 156,000 63,000 99,000
18 MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE Ten 653,000 204,000 196,000 106,000 75,000 72,000
20 DESTINATION: FIFA WORLD CUP SBS ONE 621,000 190,000 180,000 129,000 54,000 69,000
23 LILIES ABC1 580,000 162,000 174,000 107,000 65,000 71,000
25 FUTURAMA MON Ten 549,000 138,000 194,000 106,000 52,000 58,000
26 SUPERNATURAL Ten 546,000 153,000 185,000 117,000 54,000 37,000
34 30 ROCK (R) Seven 318,000 75,000 92,000 70,000 38,000 43,000
65 HEARTBEAT 7TWO 164,000 33,000 48,000 39,000 31,000 13,000
69 MOTHER AND SON 7TWO 156,000 27,000 62,000 28,000 26,000 13,000
111 NURSE JACKIE MON Ten 84,000 50,000 13,000 13,000 7,000 1,000

The ratings race, updated 11 am Monday
Here's Pay TV's account of itself for the first week of the silly season: "In the first week of summer, subscription TV delivered more entertainment, information and viewers than any of the broadcast operators, comfortably winning the week around Australia. In week 49, subscription TV channels accounted for 24.0% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight (up from 22.4% in the previous week), 21.9% of all regional viewing (up from 21.4%) and 61.3% of all viewing in subscription TV homes (up from 58.2%).

"The Simpsons on FOX8 topped the week with 126,000 viewers, NCIS on TV1 had 111,000 people and Midsomer Murders on UKTV was watched by 102,000 subscribers. Grand Designs on Lifestyle was seen by 96,000 while FMC, Family Movie Channel, one of the 12 brand new channels on subscription TV, showed Kung Fu Panda on Sunday afternoon to 88,000 viewers. 13th Street, another new channel on the platform, proved popular with Taggart drawing 73,000 viewers, Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney Channel was watched by 72,000 people and Tuesday's News Day on Sky News drew 70,000 people as the Federal Opposition anointed a new leader.

"In sport, Live: Football: A-League Adel v Newc on FOX Sports was watched by 73,000 people and Sky Raceday on Sky Racing was seen by 62,000 people."

What Australia watched, Sunday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BORDER PATROL-SUN Seven 1,350,000 373,000 411,000 283,000 140,000 143,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,246,000 349,000 321,000 290,000 131,000 154,000
3 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,180,000 305,000 445,000 185,000 142,000 104,000
4 OUTBACK WILDLIFE RESCUE Seven 1,158,000 337,000 353,000 211,000 114,000 144,000
5 BONES (R) Seven 1,119,000 320,000 298,000 234,000 116,000 150,000
6 THE ZOO (R) Seven 994,000 339,000 315,000 222,000 117,000
7 CHRISTMAS WITH THE AUSTRALIAN WOMEN'S WEEKLY Nine 981,000 248,000 363,000 172,000 106,000 92,000
8 ABC NEWS-SU ABC1 936,000 289,000 252,000 182,000 75,000 139,000
9 GLEE Ten 871,000 235,000 264,000 194,000 72,000 106,000
10 THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN RPT Ten 801,000 207,000 294,000 120,000 78,000 102,000
13 DOCTOR WHO: THE WATERS OF MARS ABC1 731,000 262,000 143,000 126,000 75,000 124,000
16 SECOND TEST - AUSTRALIA V WEST INDIES Nine 649,000 151,000 244,000 101,000 74,000 79,000
19 CONSUMING PASSION: 100 YEARS OF MILLS AND BOON ABC1 516,000 179,000 112,000 88,000 66,000 72,000
22 A HISTORY OF SCOTLAND SBS ONE 449,000 135,000 129,000 87,000 45,000 53,000
33 WIPEOUT GO! 240,000 50,000 85,000 42,000 25,000 38,000

The ratings race, updated 10 am Saturday
This week's contest to suggest what Malcolm will do next seems to have morphed into a poetry competition (see Comments, below). We're happy to go with the flow, but to avoid anarchy, we will set some parameters. We're looking for a limerick about federal or NSW politics. Ideally it would follow the traditional rhyme structure and would conform with the laws of defamation and obscenity. Prize will be a copy of The Little Book of Australia, when it's released on January 26.

What Australia watched, Saturday, including all the FIFA fuss
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,155,000 299,000 299,000 283,000 133,000 140,000
2 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,012,000 307,000 358,000 135,000 103,000 109,000
3 ABC NEWS-SA ABC1 933,000 248,000 305,000 187,000 86,000 107,000
4 THE BILL ABC1 809,000 234,000 173,000 161,000 115,000 126,000
5 TAGGART ABC1 750,000 212,000 149,000 161,000 120,000 107,000
6 CRUSOE Nine 747,000 205,000 225,000 117,000 71,000 129,000
7 ABC NEWS UP-DATE ABC1 746,000 211,000 166,000 148,000 107,000 114,000
8 NO LEAVE NO LIFE Seven 735,000 177,000 183,000 186,000 87,000 102,000
9 HOPE SPRINGS ABC1 732,000 172,000 210,000 157,000 93,000 100,000
10 WIPEOUT Nine 677,000 191,000 223,000 95,000 58,000 109,000
11 KINGDOM Seven 641,000 149,000 187,000 157,000 62,000 86,000
12 TITANIC Ten 610,000 171,000 184,000 110,000 76,000 68,000
13 BORDERLINE Seven 591,000 140,000 143,000 150,000 63,000 95,000
14 BEST OF GARDENING AUSTRALIA ABC1 546,000 131,000 186,000 106,000 66,000 57,000
15 SECOND TEST - AUSTRALIA V WEST INDIES Nine 528,000 146,000 173,000 83,000 67,000 59,000
16 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SAT Ten 503,000 117,000 167,000 87,000 56,000 76,000
17 WALLANDER Seven 493,000 114,000 179,000 96,000 51,000 53,000
18 THE AVATAR - ENTER THE WORLD Nine 473,000 112,000 171,000 54,000 48,000 88,000
19 REBUS RPT ABC1 417,000 113,000 111,000 81,000 61,000 51,000
185 2010 FIFA WORLD CUP FINAL DRAW SBS ONE 23,000 4,000 5,000 3,000 1,000 10,000
230 2010 FIFA WORLD CUP FINAL DRAW RPT SBS TWO 10,000 4,000 3,000 1,000 1,000 2,000
241 2010 FIFA WORLD CUP FINAL DRAW UPDATE SBS ONE 8,000 0 4,000 2,000 0 2,000

What the rich watched (what OzTAM calls Occupational Groups 1 and 2), week ending December 5
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BONES (R) Seven 465,000 107,000 117,000 129,000 60,000 53,000
2 FLASHFORWARD Seven 453,000 147,000 122,000 80,000 46,000 58,000
3 20 TO 1 -RPT Nine 450,000 120,000 147,000 79,000 47,000 57,000
4 BORDER PATROL-SUN Seven 440,000 112,000 117,000 104,000 60,000 46,000
5 MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL Ten 436,000 134,000 144,000 88,000 37,000 32,000
6 THE MENTALIST -RPT Nine 426,000 118,000 136,000 91,000 31,000 49,000
7 DESTROYED IN SECONDS Seven 421,000 130,000 103,000 97,000 34,000 58,000
8 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 401,000 101,000 99,000 98,000 49,000 54,000
9 THE BIG BANG THEORY -RPT Nine 391,000 92,000 124,000 94,000 29,000 52,000
10 WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU THIS SUMMER Nine 380,000 105,000 120,000 67,000 29,000 59,000
11 TWO AND A HALF MEN -RPT Nine 379,000 95,000 120,000 80,000 30,000 54,000
12 GLEE Ten 373,000 123,000 85,000 97,000 31,000 37,000
13 COLD CASE Nine 372,000 98,000 116,000 66,000 41,000 51,000
14 ELDERS WITH ANDREW DENTON ABC1 371,000 139,000 89,000 61,000 41,000 42,000
15 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS SUMMER Seven 371,000 121,000 105,000 67,000 33,000 44,000
16 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 371,000 86,000 137,000 70,000 46,000 31,000
17 THE FORCE - BEHIND THE LINE-MON (R) Seven 363,000 96,000 97,000 88,000 27,000 56,000
18 OUTBACK WILDLIFE RESCUE Seven 363,000 85,000 99,000 84,000 50,000 45,000
19 OCEAN'S THIRTEEN -RPT Nine 357,000 116,000 108,000 69,000 22,000 41,000
20 PRIVATE PRACTICE-TUE Seven 351,000 121,000 93,000 77,000 35,000 26,000
21 ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE Ten 351,000 95,000 105,000 74,000 36,000 41,000
22 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 343,000 107,000 137,000 45,000 27,000 27,000
23 TODAY TONIGHT UNSEEN: 24 HOURS IN 60 MINUTES Seven 342,000 83,000 84,000 101,000 32,000 41,000
24 CASTLE (R) Seven 336,000 101,000 102,000 62,000 37,000 35,000
25 GETAWAY Nine 332,000 110,000 93,000 67,000 29,000 33,000
26 CITY HOMICIDE-WED (R) Seven 330,000 87,000 109,000 68,000 34,000 32,000
27 ABC NEWS ABC1 328,000 105,000 92,000 57,000 32,000 42,000
28 COLD CASE -RPT Nine 326,000 87,000 93,000 61,000 40,000 45,000
29 PRINCE CHARLES' OTHER MISTRESS ABC1 324,000 96,000 105,000 70,000 22,000 30,000
30 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 323,000 81,000 77,000 98,000 31,000 35,000
(OzTAM mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, Friday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,078,000 242,000 332,000 228,000 128,000 147,000
2 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS SUMMER Seven 1,029,000 323,000 290,000 161,000 113,000 141,000
3 NINE NEWS Nine 961,000 266,000 321,000 169,000 113,000 93,000
4 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 960,000 230,000 265,000 213,000 114,000 138,000
5 M-THE SANTA CLAUSE Seven 893,000 233,000 295,000 143,000 97,000 126,000
6 ABC NEWS ABC1 885,000 251,000 235,000 188,000 83,000 129,000
7 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 863,000 252,000 300,000 154,000 76,000 82,000
8 WIRE IN THE BLOOD ABC1 734,000 192,000 217,000 137,000 82,000 107,000
24 TOP GEAR SBS ONE 426,000 101,000 139,000 109,000 39,000 38,000
29 TRAWLERMEN 2 SBS ONE 316,000 82,000 101,000 83,000 22,000 28,000
32 EROTIC TALES 2 RPT SBS ONE 295,000 94,000 89,000 64,000 24,000 25,000
39 OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE Ten 247,000 73,000 74,000 35,000 33,000 32,000
66 M-CAR 54 WHERE ARE YOU Seven 151,000 42,000 41,000 30,000 13,000 25,000
72 TORCHWOOD ABC2 130,000 24,000 29,000 31,000 14,000 31,000

The ratings race, updated 10 am Friday
For once, Australian viewers have managed to see a US drama ahead of the Americans. The most recent episode of Flashforward has not yet been shown in the US, because of their Thanksgiving public holiday. By playing it on Monday, Channel Seven allowed those naughty downloaders to get hold of it. Here's how Hollywood Reporter discussed the scandal:

"Thanksgiving-averse Aussies leak FlashForward
This week's episode of FlashForward has leaked online. [US network] ABC didn't air the drama last week because of Thanksgiving. But wouldn't you know it, Australians don't care about our guilt-tinged empire-expanding holiday traditions and didn't take a break. Whether the U.S.-Aussie "FlashForward" schedule being jolted out of sync will result in future episodes also being leaked isn't known. (For the record, Aussies do have a Thanksgiving holiday, but it's in May and they don't really do it right)."

Anybody care to speculate on what the Americans imagine we are giving thanks for in May?

What Australia watched, Thursday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,215,000 331,000 353,000 225,000 147,000 159,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,089,000 271,000 317,000 225,000 135,000 141,000
3 NINE NEWS Nine 1,071,000 287,000 391,000 198,000 105,000 90,000
4 GETAWAY Nine 1,027,000 318,000 324,000 183,000 91,000 112,000
5 ABC NEWS ABC1 1,025,000 320,000 283,000 205,000 87,000 130,000
6 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,012,000 288,000 356,000 201,000 88,000 79,000
7 7.30 REPORT ABC1 915,000 315,000 213,000 208,000 77,000 102,000
8 RESCUE SPECIAL OPS -RPT Nine 902,000 284,000 255,000 152,000 108,000 103,000
9 CSI: NY Nine 769,000 172,000 239,000 141,000 117,000 100,000
10 LIE TO ME THURS RPT Ten 762,000 184,000 278,000 127,000 81,000 92,000
12 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO - DAILY EDITION Nine 728,000 207,000 228,000 147,000 65,000 81,000
13 THE 7PM PROJECT Ten 716,000 192,000 237,000 143,000 77,000 67,000
14 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER-SUMMER Seven 680,000 162,000 218,000 113,000 94,000 93,000
52 STARGATE ATLANTIS 7TWO 186,000 48,000 38,000 44,000 26,000 30,000
75 MOTHER AND SON 7TWO 143,000 36,000 58,000 25,000 18,000 6,000
76 THE GRAHAM NORTON SHOW ABC2 135,000 17,000 59,000 26,000 17,000 17,000
83 FIFTH GEAR 7TWO 113,000 34,000 37,000 16,000 18,000 9,000
88 UFC WIRED ONE 104,000 19,000 38,000 15,000 17,000 15,000
115 DROP DEAD DIVA GO! 72,000 22,000 27,000 7,000 9,000 7,000
121 SHARK 7TWO 70,000 30,000 13,000 5,000 12,000 10,000
231 THE WIRE GO! 14,000 9,000 3,000 2,000 0 0

What Australia watched, Wednesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,251,000 297,000 387,000 232,000 169,000 165,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,150,000 265,000 330,000 263,000 139,000 153,000
3 COLD CASE Nine 1,085,000 294,000 341,000 188,000 128,000 134,000
4 TWO AND A HALF MEN -RPT Nine 1,084,000 310,000 346,000 193,000 88,000 148,000
5 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,065,000 291,000 337,000 203,000 107,000 128,000
6 ABC NEWS ABC1 1,057,000 326,000 286,000 220,000 88,000 137,000
7 WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU THIS SUMMER Nine 1,051,000 329,000 324,000 172,000 89,000 137,000
8 NINE NEWS Nine 1,031,000 277,000 331,000 202,000 105,000 116,000
13 THE CLEVELAND SHOW Ten 821,000 208,000 300,000 123,000 83,000 107,000
18 THE 7PM PROJECT Ten 714,000 175,000 214,000 129,000 95,000 100,000
32 HUNGRY BEAST ABC1 397,000 142,000 96,000 80,000 32,000 47,000
34 JOHN SAFRAN'S RACE RELATIONS ABC1 381,000 137,000 84,000 85,000 37,000 37,000
47 REX IN ROME SBS ONE 236,000 85,000 76,000 24,000 18,000 32,000
82 MOTHER AND SON 7TWO 122,000 36,000 45,000 20,000 12,000 9,000
92 HEROES 7TWO 108,000 26,000 31,000 23,000 14,000 15,000
110 FRINGE GO! 81,000 22,000 28,000 15,000 8,000 8,000
158 THE WIRE GO! 48,000 15,000 17,000 7,000 5,000 4,000 (Nine, would you please hurry and finish showing Season five so it can be released on DVD for Christmas)

What Australia watched, Tuesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,200,000 309,000 362,000 219,000 150,000 161,000
2 ABC NEWS ABC1 1,177,000 377,000 332,000 217,000 113,000 139,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,173,000 321,000 332,000 211,000 146,000 164,000
4 NINE NEWS Nine 1,120,000 323,000 344,000 219,000 117,000 117,000
5 7.30 REPORT ABC1 1,117,000 389,000 275,000 228,000 117,000 108,000
6 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 999,000 292,000 332,000 203,000 81,000 92,000
7 PRINCE CHARLES' OTHER MISTRESS ABC1 989,000 297,000 284,000 205,000 95,000 107,000
8 JAIL BIRDS ABC1 905,000 316,000 231,000 176,000 90,000 93,000
9 ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE Ten 890,000 255,000 287,000 150,000 104,000 94,000
10 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 845,000 203,000 283,000 145,000 94,000 120,000
13 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO - DAILY EDITION Nine 809,000 245,000 268,000 138,000 60,000 99,000
14 SURVIVOR: SAMOA Nine 788,000 247,000 274,000 106,000 56,000 105,000
15 THE 7PM PROJECT Ten 781,000 226,000 237,000 152,000 95,000 71,000
16 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER-SUMMER Seven 766,000 191,000 250,000 116,000 90,000 119,000
19 WHITE COLLAR TUES Ten 710,000 211,000 194,000 121,000 90,000 94,000
20 THE OFFICE TUES Ten 710,000 204,000 193,000 136,000 89,000 89,000
22 GARY UNMARRIED-TUE Seven 623,000 140,000 251,000 100,000 58,000 75,000
24 THE AMAZING RACE 15 - TUE Seven 590,000 193,000 195,000 73,000 81,000 47,000
43 THE CIRCUIT SBS ONE 255,000 76,000 63,000 49,000 30,000 37,000
70 MOTHER AND SON 7TWO 159,000 27,000 80,000 28,000 10,000 14,000
82 REAPER 7TWO 132,000 49,000 41,000 11,000 16,000 15,000
96 UGLY BETTY 7TWO 110,000 34,000 30,000 20,000 5,000 21,000
98 SURVIVOR: TOCANTINS GO! 105,000 26,000 34,000 17,000 9,000 18,000

The leadership race, updated 11am Tuesday
So Malcolm Turnbull is no longer Leader of the Opposition (by 42 votes to 41). What will he do now? This column wants your prediction.

Here's one scenario: In 2012 Prime Minister Gillard appoints him the first President of the Australian republic. You could argue that in recent days Turnbull has demonstrated the essential quality needed in a head of state: the ability to put nation ahead of party.

Is it possible that all his actions have been part of a long term plan, hatched when Turnbull was leading the Republican movement, to position himself for the top job in the land -- and that's not the prime ministership.

Handsome prizes await those who make the most interesting predictions before midnight. Will Turnbull resign from the Liberals and rebuild the Australian Democrats? Join the Greens? Move to State politics and replace Barry O'Farrell (or join State Labor and replace Nathan Rees?) With this man, no scenario is too outlandish. Go to Comments to offer your theory.

What Australia watched, Monday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,374,000 387,000 372,000 240,000 180,000 196,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,277,000 318,000 359,000 239,000 178,000 183,000
3 THE MENTALIST -RPT Nine 1,221,000 329,000 447,000 203,000 114,000 128,000
4 DESTROYED IN SECONDS Seven 1,174,000 321,000 321,000 248,000 122,000 162,000
5 TWO AND A HALF MEN -RPT Nine 1,089,000 289,000 337,000 205,000 98,000 161,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,082,000 290,000 384,000 180,000 106,000 121,000
7 ABC NEWS ABC1 1,054,000 320,000 285,000 205,000 95,000 148,000
8 THE BIG BANG THEORY -RPT Nine 1,046,000 286,000 356,000 181,000 92,000 131,000
9 THE FORCE -MON (R) Seven 1,026,000 266,000 308,000 208,000 102,000 142,000
10 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,014,000 303,000 382,000 208,000 122,000
11 ELDERS WITH ANDREW DENTON ABC1 1,008,000 342,000 260,000 191,000 112,000 102,000
12 FLASHFORWARD Seven 984,000 278,000 273,000 184,000 119,000 131,000
13 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO - DAILY EDITION Nine 922,000 245,000 290,000 167,000 89,000 131,000
17 THE 7PM PROJECT Ten 826,000 224,000 267,000 156,000 103,000 75,000
18 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER-SUMMER Seven 815,000 200,000 238,000 171,000 101,000 105,000
22 TOP GEAR POLAR SPECIAL RPT SBS ONE 672,000 175,000 222,000 132,000 65,000 78,000
27 SUPERNATURAL EP 2 Ten 532,000 157,000 132,000 116,000 68,000 58,000
29 SUPERNATURAL Ten 514,000 159,000 127,000 100,000 74,000 53,000
79 HEARTBEAT 7TWO 134,000 25,000 48,000 19,000 30,000 12,000
81 THE 7PM PROJECT LATE RPT Ten 131,000 29,000 27,000 22,000 32,000 21,000
91 DOCTOR WHO ABC2 111,000 8,000 24,000 42,000 20,000 17,000
97 RED DWARF SPECIAL 2009: BACK TO EARTH ABC2 96,000 49,000 6,000 5,000 13,000 22,000
98 JUDGE JOHN DEED 7TWO 94,000 20,000 45,000 5,000 15,000 9,000

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
The audience is already deserting the sinking ship. Channel Ten defied silly season convention on Sunday night and showed a new episode of Glee, but the viewers did not reward this generous bit of programming. Glee's audience was down 200,000 -- possibly because viewers assumed it would be a repeat. Tonight Seven is generously showing a new episode of Flash Forward. Will the viewers overcome their scepticism?

What Australia watched, Sunday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BORDER PATROL-SUN Seven 1,492,000 377,000 462,000 287,000 186,000 180,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,388,000 359,000 416,000 308,000 146,000 158,000
3 BONES (R) Seven 1,277,000 301,000 372,000 285,000 167,000 151,000
4 OUTBACK WILDLIFE RESCUE Seven 1,230,000 303,000 368,000 242,000 155,000 162,000
5 TODAY TONIGHT UNSEEN: 24 HOURS IN 60 MINUTES Seven 1,180,000 284,000 360,000 283,000 120,000 133,000
6 20 TO 1 -RPT Nine 1,082,000 268,000 375,000 181,000 129,000 129,000
7 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,033,000 221,000 387,000 167,000 152,000 106,000
8 MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL Ten 973,000 273,000 335,000 182,000 96,000 86,000
9 ABC NEWS-SU ABC1 915,000 238,000 280,000 196,000 92,000 109,000
12 GLEE Ten 880,000 257,000 239,000 202,000 91,000 91,000
13 JOANNA LUMLEY IN THE LAND OF THE NORTHERN LIGHTS ABC1 798,000 202,000 244,000 184,000 75,000 92,000
14 FIREWALL -RPT Nine 714,000 206,000 226,000 100,000 89,000 95,000
23 WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? SBS ONE 363,000 126,000 91,000 64,000 39,000 43,000
24 ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 5TH GRADER? US Ten 340,000 108,000 59,000 58,000 60,000 55,000
27 WIPEOUT GO! 271,000 48,000 76,000 70,000 46,000 31,000
33 FIRST TEST - AUSTRALIA V WEST INDIES Nine 226,000 59,000 75,000 52,000 18,000 22,000
74 SOUTH PARK GO! 102,000 16,000 48,000 18,000 11,000 9,000
78 KIDS WB SUNDAY GO! 92,000 40,000 28,000 11,000 6,000 8,000
84 M-DON'T LOOK UNDER THE BED 7TWO 81,000 11,000 28,000 18,000 6,000 17,000
87 CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM GO! 78,000 13,000 34,000 11,000 7,000 12,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

David Dale is the author of The Little Book of Australia -- A snapshot of who we are (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in whoweare-index at 09:39 AM
• Comments (108)

The Tribal Mind: From bust to boom - what do you recall from 2009?

To discuss how dumb Australia was in 2009, go to Who We Are.

by David Dale
BARE breasts bobbing up and down, a boy smearing Vegemite under his arms, comedians mocking a charity for dying children, a kangaroo hopping through a car pileup in Los Angeles, five doctors dressed as golliwogs, and a corpulent cravatted man frowning as he rolls a lump of chocolate cake around his mouth.

Those are the images burned into my brain after studying Australian television for the past 11 months. Their dazzling diversity makes it hard to offer a unified field theory of Australia's mood in 2009. It was a year that began with viewers addicted to sex and violence and ended with an embrace of family values. Back in February, this column took a punt on the zeitgeist: "Perfect breasts. That's what it takes to make a hit TV show these days. Perfect New Zealand breasts, to be precise. Plus some sort of crime story that will justify displaying the breasts at least five times per episode.

"The PBs in the first two episodes of Underbelly 2 belonged to Jenna Lind, who plays Maria Muhary, the kiwi girlfriend of drug dealer Terry Clark. In the third episode, the PBs belonged to Anna Hutchison, who plays Alison Dine, the other kiwi girlfriend of Terry Clark (his first girlfriend's PBs having ceased to be available for public viewing, because she had become a mother). The second PBs were slightly smaller than the first PBs, but still able to be aesthetically appreciated by persons of all genders and sexual orientations.

"With any luck, they've started a trend that will carry Australian television back to the glory days of Number 96. 'Bare the breast' could replace 'jump the shark' as industry jargon for a desperate strategy to raise ratings."

Sadly this was not to be. By mid year the only breasts on display belonged to chickens and ducks, on the benchtops of MasterChef, which proceeded to revive the cravat as a fashion option and add the term "plating up" to the vocabulary of eight year olds.

The descent into dagginess continued with the Hey Hey It's Saturday reunions, where a boy won Red Faces by demonstrating the many uses of Vegemite, and a bunch of doctors failed to realise that repeating an undergraduate blackface routine after 20 years would infuriate a visiting American.

The Chaser team had demonstrated equally poor judgement with a skit satirising sentimentality in fundraising. They sort-of apologised, but the incident stirred up a cult of complaint, which then turned its attention to the previously sacred Packed to the Rafters. Tabloid outrage greeted an episode which implied that men masturbate while fantasising about women to whom they are not married.

Rafters redeemed itself in the final episode by adding an infant to the family mix, showing it had not lost its knack of exploiting social changes taking place in real-life Australia (currently in the midst of a baby boom).

The sci-fi series Flashforward, meanwhile, charmed us by throwing a kangaroo into the chaos of its opening episode. But by year end, Flashforward looked to be going the way of all good TV sci-fi -- to the late night schedule or to one of the digital or Pay channels.

What does all this say about national priorities at the start of a new decade? The success of MasterChef may suggest Australians are retreating into comfy cocoons. But Channel Nine clearly believes we're still turned on by violence. Its press release for the next season of Underbelly promises insights into a period when "the cops were bent and the crims were cool ... seen through the eyes of some of the most sexy, charming, corrupt and deadly people of the time."

Will that be us in 2010 -- cool, corrupt and deadly, models of gangster chic? Or will we be too busy plating up beautiful meals for our newborns? Go to Comments to discuss your theory and to describe your most memorable TV images of the year.

David Dale is the author of The Little Book of Australia -- A snapshot of who we are (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 03:46 PM
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WHO WE ARE: The year of growing dumber

To nominate the best lines from the movies of 2009, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 29/11/2009
By the time you've finished reading this column, there will be seven more Australians. Five babies will have been born, four immigrants will have settled in and two poor bastards will have died. By midnight, Australia's population will have grown by 600, bringing us to 22,075,000.

The revelation that Australia is enjoying a population explosion - the result of breeding like bunnies for five years and opening the floodgates to skilled workers from Britain, China and India - may be The Most Significant Thing We Learned About Ourselves In 2009. But there are other candidates for that title, and I'd like your vote before declaring a winner. Here are some more insights into The New Australia which we gained this year:

Most of us are too dumb to function in the modern world. That was the conclusion reached by the Bureau of Statistics from its "Adult Literacy and Life Skills Survey" of 8,988 Australians aged 15 to 74. It said only 30 per cent of us possessed skills which are "the minimum required for individuals to meet the complex demands of everyday life and work in the emerging knowledge-based economy". The Bureau was particularly disturbed that 59 per cent of Australians "have difficulty with tasks such as locating information on a bottle of medicine about the maximum number of days the medicine could be taken, or drawing a line on a container indicating where one third would be".

Hamish Blake is our favourite person. In the six-monthly "Q-scores" survey of how 2000 Australians regard various celebrities, Blake displaced Hugh Jackman as the most recognized and liked person in the land.

Australia's favourite wine is made in New Zealand. It's Oyster Bay sauvignon blanc. Three years ago chardonnay was outselling sauvignon blanc three to one, but according to Sandy Mayo, global brand director for Penfolds, it developed an image problem when Kath and Kim started referring to it as "cardonnay": "We heard a lot of consumers say they would never take a chardonnay to a dinner party because everybody would laugh at them."

We have a compulsion for constant contact Put another way, we've transformed from a landline society to a mobile society. A survey by Roy Morgan Research in the first half of the year reached this conclusion: "The percentage of people with a fixed line connection has been on the decrease over the last 10 years and has finally been surpassed by people with a mobile phone, which has increased rapidly ... [Now] 85.2 per cent of the Australian population (15.13 million) own or use a mobile phone, which has overtaken the proportion who live in a household with a fixed line connection (84.9 per cent, 15.08 million").

Most of us will find love before we die. That's if you define love as wanting to live in the same house as your partner. In its "Family Characteristics and Transitions Survey", the Bureau found that "for people aged 35 years or over, 95 per cent had had at least one marriage or de facto relationship. This included 18 per cent who had had two (live-in) relationships and 7 per cent who had three or more."

On that encouraging note, we'll stop the revelations for now. Go to comments to tell us which was the most significant and to nominate other vital insights we gained this year.

David Dale is the author of The Little Book of Australia -- A snapshot of who we are (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in whoweare-index at 10:47 AM
• Comments (1)

The Tribal Mind: Film will eat itself

To discuss how dumb Australia was in 2009, go to Who We Are

by David Dale
YOU CAN'T call it plagiarism because they want you to recognise the parallels. Please don't call it postmodern self-referentialism because jargon has no place in this conversation. Lets just call it cannibalism. Every big movie these days is not complete unless it contains at least one blatant reference to another big movie.

This year the fad first became apparent in Star Trek, when young Spock glimpsed old Spock (who had travelled back in time) and said "Father?" Old Spock replied: "I am not our father".

Then in Terminator: Salvation, a soldier asked John Connor ""What should I tell your men when they find out you're gone?" and Connor replied: "I'll be back".

Then in Night At The Museum 2, a pharoah looked at the brought-to-life statue of a classic villain and said: "Is that you breathing? Because I can't hear myself think. There's too much going on here -- you're asthmatic, you're a robot. And why the cape? Are we going to the opera? I don't think so."

The apotheosis was reached with 2012, when the hero, played by John Cusack, looked up from a map and said to his pilot: "We're gonna need a bigger plane".

If none of those lines mean anything to you, you are probably not among the 14 million Australians who go to the cinema at least four times a year. But keep reading, you might learn something about how modern movies are eating themselves. The references are:

1 In a film that mostly contains in-jokes about the Star Trek TV series, this is a twist on the moment in Star Wars when Darth Vader revealed his identity to Luke Skywalker. (The conversation ends with another zinger, when old Spock tells young Spock: "Since my customary farewell would appear oddly self-serving, I shall simply say Good Luck." That's a reference to the Vulcan signoff, with hand gesture, "Live long and prosper".)

2 In the original Terminator movie, the line belonged to the cyborg played by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

3 The pharoah is looking at Darth Vader.

4 It's a twist on Jaws, when the sheriff sees the shark and tells the captain "We're gonna need a bigger boat".

If you found those explanations unnecessary, you can now move on to prove your cinephilia by matching these 2009 hit movies with the lines below: 1) Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, which grossed $40.5 million; 2) Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen $40.2m; 3) Up ($28.2m); 4) Monsters Vs Aliens ($20.5m); 5) The Twilight Saga: New Moon ($20m in its first week, likely to make $40m); 6) Angels and Demons $18m; 7) The Proposal $16.5m; 8) He's Just Not That Into You $14.6m.

Here are the lines to match:
a) "Do you want to play a game? It's called See Who Can Go the Longest Without Saying Anything."
b) "The absence of him is everywhere I look. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest."
c) "Citizens of the human hive, your leaders have withheld the truth. You are not alone in the universe."
d) Hey! She's only interested in you because she thinks you're The Chosen One."
e) "It feels warmer than I remember. Did the Earth get warmer? It would be great to know that... that would be a very convenient truth."
f) "I didn't fire you because I felt threatened. No. I fired you because you're lazy, entitled, incompetent and you spend more time cheating on your wife than you do in your office."
g) I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies."
h) "Science and religion are not enemies. There are simply some things that science is just too young to understand."

Go below for the answers and to nominate your favourite lines from this year's flicks.

The matches: 1d; 2c; 3a; 4e; 5b; 6h; 7f; 8g.

David Dale is the author of The Little Book of Australia -- A snapshot of who we are (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 07:15 AM
• Comments (2)