The Tribal Mind: Nothing succeeds like excess

Wednesday May 9, 2007 04:08 PM

Who We Are

To discuss whether Australians are too dumb to function in the 21st century, go to Who We Are.

by David Dale
The stupidest blockbuster ever made. The lamest movie ever to earn $300 million. The most critically panned smash hit in history. Proof that the majority of moviegoers are morons, or that the number of 11 year old boys in the world has been seriously underestimated. The best evidence yet that civilization is on the toboggan.

The contender for all those titles has been seen so far by 3 million people in Australia, and is on the way to replacing The Dark Knight as our highest grossing movie of the past five years. The Dark Knight was both entertaining and thought-provoking, its success an inspiring example of the sophistication of 21st century cinemagoers. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is big and loud, and there's not nearly enough of Megan Fox to compensate for its monotony. Its success offers a different image of 21st century cinemagoers.

But is it that much worse than most of the blockbusters Hollywood has shovelled onto us in the past two decades? Consider this list ...

Movie moneymakers that seriously sucked:
1 Matrix Revolutions
2 Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (the one with Jar Jar Binks)
3 Godzilla (the 1998 version)
4 Pearl Harbour
5 Batman and Robin (the one with George Clooney)
6 Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
7 Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
8 Van Helsing
9 Armageddon
10 Spider-Man 3.

America's best known movie critic, Roger Ebert, would put Transformers 2 at the top of that list. He has launched a crusade to convince Hollywood that the madness must end. Ebert describes Transformers 2 as "a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments". Britain's critics agree with him. "A giant, lumbering idiot of a movie," said The Daily Mirror. "Like watching paint dry while getting hit over the head with a frying pan," said The Guardian. "Sums up everything that is most tedious, crass and despicable about modern Hollywood", said The Daily Mail.

Ebert singles out this film because it's a tipping point in modern moviemaking. "The day will come when Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen will be studied in film classes and shown at cult film festivals," he writes. "It will be seen, in retrospect, as marking the end of an era. Of course there will be many more CGI-based action epics, but never again one this bloated, excessive, incomprehensible, long (149 minutes) or expensive (more than $US200 million).

"Like the dinosaurs," says Ebert, "the species has grown too big to survive, and will be wiped out in a cataclysmic event, replaced by more compact, durable forms."

So how come Australians, who are neither idiots nor masochists, spent $30 million in the past two weeks going to see this film? I offer two theories:

Scholarly motives. We were curious to see how bad a movie could be. It is encouraging that takings dropped 54 per cent on the second weekend. If a film is getting good word of mouth, takings usually drop by 30 per cent or less. Having gone along to examine excess, Australians told their friends not to bother.

Patriotic motives. Two Australians are prominent in T2 - Isabel Lucas, a former soap starlet who plays a stick-thin university student with a secret, and Hugo Weaving, who voices a pile of spare parts called Megatron. Perhaps we're going along to ease their embarrassment at being forced by poverty to appear in such a shlocker.

Go to Comments to offer your theory on why we watch the worst blockbusters of all time.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

COMMENTS

Transformers 2 is just a big nothing. It was too long, too boring and too bloody LOUD !

by steven g on July 11, 2009 at 08:55 AM

You completley forget to mention Terminator: Salavation! T2 seems rather good by comparison

by Waz on July 11, 2009 at 09:40 AM

Why we watch the worst blockbusters of all time? Because we pay before we see the movie, not after. "Spectacles" are promotable. The fact that the actual movie sucks is something you don't know till after you've parted with your money.

Tribal Mind wonders: But why don't people pay attention to the reviews?

by dave on July 11, 2009 at 12:00 PM

I know alot of geeks/nerds and they go out of love for Giant Killer Robots. Arguments of story and plot (and bad reviews) don't seem to matter all that much. Also a loyalty for the old cartoons and I guess they must have liked the first film enough to see the second.
Personally I refuse to add my dollars to encouraging that sort of crap, think of what *could* have been made/done with all that money and the transformers franchise.

by Al on July 11, 2009 at 02:21 PM

I have 2 different theories:
1. Maybe the movie going public only went to see The Dark Knight to check out Heath Ledger and really did not understand it at all. It seemed like the collective intelligence of the general public went up a notch at the time, but maybe it was for ghoulish reasons.
2. Megan Fox's tits are better than Heaths performance or Christopher Nolans screenplay.

by Anne Maree Kreller on July 11, 2009 at 02:24 PM

T2 was watched by many because:
- The first Transformers movie was actually good (the right balance of action and 'comedy');
- The first Transformers movie made substantial money;
- T2 was marketed to saturation, with that very annoying Linkin Park song; and
- Of Megan Fox
I still thought it to be quite good. Despite the very lame comedy, I appreciated the action for what it was worth.
Though I agree there are some stinkers in the overrated list above like Matrix Revolutions and Armageddon. I'd also add the third instalment of Pirates of the Caribbean (AWE).

by arthur on July 11, 2009 at 04:45 PM

I saw it because I'm a fan of the Transformers series. Not just the movies, but the assorted TV shows and comics. Several people I know saw the film because of the same reason.
While I liked the film, I can see what people dislike about it. It was really too long, for one, a fact due to a lot of scenes that should really have been cut. Also, there were several comedic parts that just failed at being comedic because they were just shoved in there. Chief among them for me is Devastator's wrecking balls. It completely took me out of the moment and undermined the threat of the robot itself. It was like having Voldemort trip over in the climatic battle with Harry.
It could have been so much better. Any third Transformers film should have a different director-if they continue with Bay the new one will plumb new depths.

And, before you ask, I don't find Megan Fox to be hot. The shots of her felt gratitious to me.

by Nicholas on July 11, 2009 at 09:31 PM

Re Hugo Weaving being "prominent" in either Transformers movie... not really. He's repeatedly commented to the effect that all he did was spend a couple of hours in a recording booth talking gibberish. It was merely "a technical exercise" (not a "poverty"-driven one either) for the actor, not a role of personal importance. He seems a bit frustrated interviewers want to give TF:RoTF and his new film Last Ride equal weight in recent conversations. Yeah, TF fans are going to obsess over the voice talent, but these aren't major roles... and of course Weaving never "appears" in the films. I guarantee you no one is going just to hear him. They're going to see Giant Robot fisticuffs and Megan Fox running away from explosions in slow motion. The films' success are an indication of a global dip in IQ, not any malady unique to Australians. Weaving's fans are going to see Last Ride (if it's open in their area), and lamenting that his best work continues to be underappreciated.

by Crowjane on July 12, 2009 at 08:02 PM

agree with nicholas and al - i think a certain generation grew up with the transformers and will follow the franchise. at the end of the movie, a few (admittedly quite bogan) people in the cinema we were in cheered on optimus. he/peter weller seems to occupy a special place in the consciousness of people aged 35ish and under.

unsure if the same amount of affection will be in evidence for the new GI Joe movie ... although perhaps we'll encounter similar excitement for the new astro boy movie.

by fellow_autobot on July 12, 2009 at 08:03 PM

I went to see T2 because my son wanted to go (btw he's in his 20s) and his mates had already been and he didn't want to go alone. His mates all said it was a turkey but that made him want to see it all the more. Also he grew up with Transformers like most boys of his generation.
After seeing it he reckons it's the worst film he's ever seen. I say it's second only to the Indiana Jones Crystal Skull which I vote for the worst film in recent years. I really, really hated that film. It was embarrssing to see Harrison Ford and Cate Blanchett in such an idiotic film. The plot was stupid, the whole fridge thing had me cringing and that bloody black wig on Cate and the fake Russian accent just made me want to run out the door. I have rarely walked out on a film in my life but that one made me want to. I will never see it again no matter what!
As for Trans 2, I didn't expect much, left my brain at the door, and cruised along for the ride. The story was full of holes, it was too loud and too long. And proved to me why I should never see a Michael Bay film again. That guy needs to go back to film school!

by em on July 13, 2009 at 08:18 AM

I refused to see this film on account of Michael Bay. Everything that guy is involved with is mindless, idiotic cliche filled trash that insults the intelligence of the audience.

by Ant on July 13, 2009 at 09:58 AM

Oh, how embarrassing. I've seen quite a few of those, on the big screen as well. (Can I redeem some cred by saying I didn't like them all??)
Why? Some because I liked the earlier movies and missed the reviewers panning them (Indiana Jones IV, Spider-Man 3, Pirates of the Carribean 3); others because I got dragged into them by friends (Matrix Revolutions; Star Wars 1; Batman and Robin; Van Helsing); and yet others because Mr TQD has a lingering fondness for the franchise (Godzilla).
Obviously I managed to avoid a couple of the turkeys.
I do try to pay attention to reviews while choosing movies (or books, etc), but sometimes I just get caught up in the hype. I know I'll be going to see Harry Potter VI this week, regardless of reviews. I have the babysitter lined up, I have cleared the schedule. I so rarely make time for movies any more (once you add in the ~$45 babysitting fee, I tend to think "I'll just see it on DVD..."), that once I make up my mind to do it, I'm not easily derailed.

by tqd on July 13, 2009 at 11:04 AM

Tribal Mind wonders: But why don't people pay attention to the reviews?

Well seeing as you've asked TM - reviewers get it wrong too (incidentally, how many reviewers have actually changed the course of a film's earning potential over the past century?). Sure, we agree most of the time but it's those disagreements that make us ignore you more often than not.
My desire for 1930's Icelandic subtitled films about teenage angst is non-existent. But if I listen to some reviewers, all I hear is complaint, complaint, complaint about recent releases that don't compare with how such-and-such used to make movies back in the old days.
My experience tells me that there are a lot of movies that have excited me that reviewers hated, and a lot of movies that bored me to tears have created warm, wet feelings in reviewers.
In the end - the so called blockbusters are almost always going to be successful because they're marketed to the hilt and most people don't have the rationale to leave 'em alone. Everyone else is watching it so we might as well join in.
Personally though, I love reading the reviews. It's your opinion v mine. And that's fun to debate or concur.
As for my recent blockbuster that scraped the bottom of the trust barrel - Ocean's Twelve...

by David @ Wahroonga on July 13, 2009 at 02:50 PM

Master 8-and-a-bit was recently overruled. I'm surprised that a movie rated for over 15's markets toys aimed and the young ones. Who then nag their parents to take them because the kids think there will be animation.

by Bereft Skerrick on July 14, 2009 at 09:29 PM

Nork's "This Afternoon" didn't make 18 days. Axed this morning. Looks like Fergo made the right move.

Tribal Mind wonders: Will 702 take the dumbest Daddo back?

by David @ Green Point on July 15, 2009 at 10:40 AM

I hope ABC 702 doesn't let Daddo come back (or the local stations like 97.3 Illawarra that take that show). He totally killed the standard theme music that is played for presenters (Yeah I know I'm picky. He's no James O'Loughlin. There should be a sign outside of the ABC at Ultimo with a picture of the heads of Lochie, Andrew & Cameron, with a big red strike through it. NO DADDOS!

by Bereft Skerrick on July 15, 2009 at 03:58 PM

tsk, tsk, tsk, Bereft and TM re the Three Stooges... sorry, Daddos. At least Cameron scored well with an on-going role in 24 as the VP of USA. (I think his character will head into season 8). Speaking of 24, what a p***poor viewing audience for the last ep! Even without Melb & Ad'de - very disappointing.

by David @ Green Point on July 15, 2009 at 05:01 PM

Agree with Bereft Skerrick about Cameron Daddo. He does not fit into 702's radio style.
I would also give a giant thumbs down to Angela Catterns, who seems to have cropped up again after having failed on commercial radio. She made her decision to leave, and I'm not sure why they wanted her back. She still hasn't learned to listen to the people she is talking to.
P.S. I know one young guy who saw Transformers at i-max, and realised it was a dud, but saw it because he likes transformers (same reason he saw Batman movies, even though he knew they would be crappe). He said it had more explosions than any other movie he has ever seen.

by Professor Rosseforp on July 17, 2009 at 03:00 PM

The Sun-Herald

Who We Are

The Tribal Mind: Nothing succeeds like excess

COMMENTS

POST A COMMENT

Comments Terms & Conditions

RECENT ENTRIES

ARCHIVES