WHO WE ARE: Love is in the air, except for 5 per cent

Wednesday May 9, 2007 04:08 PM

Who We Are

To get the viewers' verdict on what's worst on the box, go to The Bogie Awards, 2009

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 3/5/2009
If you're a bit blue and wondering if you'll ever find love, this column is for you. It's a study of the mating habits of the tribe called Australians and it's packed with reassuring tips and revelations.

A wise man once said that love is like traffic - if you think you are in it, then you are in it. Don't be put off by the fact that the wise man was the NSW Premier, Nathan Rees. And please join me in a second assumption - that if you commit to living with somebody, you must be in love (or you think you are, which is the same thing).

We are now in a position to declare that 95 per cent of Australians find love at some point in their lives, and 25 per cent find love twice. Those excellent odds were calculated by the Australian Bureau of Statistics in the Social Trends report it released earlier this year. The bureau notes that 61 per cent of adult Australians are currently living with a partner, and half of those relationships have lasted 18 years or more. It continues:

"According to the 2006-07 Family Characteristics and Transitions Survey, 84 per cent of adults had had at least one marriage or de facto relationship. For people aged 35 years or over, 95 per cent had had at least one marriage or de facto relationship. This included 18 per cent who had had two relationships and 7 per cent who had three or more."

These are some other conclusions we feel safe in drawing from the Bureau's research:

Australians like to try before they buy. The bureau puts it more politely: "Almost three quarters (74 per cent) of people who married in the 2000s lived together before marrying." And pregnancy no longer summons the shotgun. "In the five years to 2007, close to one third (32 per cent) of all births have been to unmarried mothers, twice the average rate of the 1980s."

Once bitten, twice shy. The romantic boffins at the bureau have found that "People in de facto relationships who had been married before were significantly less likely to expect to marry their new partner than people who had never been married. Around one quarter (26 per cent) of people in a de facto relationship who were separated, divorced or widowed intended to marry their current partner, compared with 50 per cent of people who had never been married."

Men tend to trade in older partners for younger models. In the average heterosexual partnership, the man is 2.6 years older than the woman. But, says the bureau, "for marriages occurring between a male divorcee and a never married bride, the groom was, on average, older by 7.3 years." Divorced women seeking toy boys have not been so lucky: "Where the bride was remarrying after a divorce, she was around a year older than her never married groom."

The bureau has many more encouraging insights into our mating habits and prospects, which this column will discuss next week. Meanwhile, go to Comments to offer your theories.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

COMMENTS

I wonder what is the latests figure on the statistical possibility of divorce. Was it something like 1/3 a couple of years ago?

DD replies: I'll try to answer that in next week's column.

by Leaf on May 02, 2009 at 11:28 PM

"A wise man once said that love is like traffic - if you think you are in it, then you are in it. Don't be put off by the fact that the wise man was the NSW Premier, Nathan Rees."
Nathan Rees isn't wise. Far from it.
It was stupid of you to even suggest it.

by Ducky on May 02, 2009 at 11:45 PM

Ducky,
honestly ease up....David's comment was taking the p**s. No-one in their right mind would consider Nathan Rees to be wise, it was such an obvious tongue in cheek comment I'm surprised you didn't get it!

by Squirrel on May 03, 2009 at 07:04 AM

I have to say that I'm not all that interested in getting married (but not against the institution of marriage) and am happy with the social/legal implications etc of de facto (even if I were a parent - although I am way off being one as I'm only 25 m single)...
Would be interesting to write/read a paper on the economics of love/relationships... See how, theoretically, relationships 'behave' under hypothetical economic situations.. Nice and unromantic =)
Btw I'm not a freak but an economist (same same?) so that's no doubt why I've got that thought process.. Lucky girl who I shack up with hey? =)

by waeom on May 03, 2009 at 12:41 PM

If people think that Nathan Rees was not wise, then imagine how dumb you guys are to elect him as the Premier... The wisest among the dumbest perhaps??

DD replies: Nathan Rees was not elected by the voters, simply chosen by his own party.

by Praj on May 03, 2009 at 12:50 PM

My friend thougt that Nathan Rees looks like Christopher Reeves, the actor that played Superman. May be thats why he was elected.

DD replies: I doubt if the Labour MPs who made the decision to put him up as Premier (unelected by the people) would have been influenced by that.

by flying solo on May 03, 2009 at 01:38 PM

95% sounds pretty good, until you consider that 5 out of every 100 people do not get to find long-lasting love.
As someone who is 26 years old and has never been in a relationship, this statistic scares the crap out of me.
David - any clues from the statistics about how I go about finding a man?

by Shelly on May 03, 2009 at 02:15 PM

I wonder what the statistical correlation is between having any kind of relationship and making comments about Nathan Rees on articles in the Sun Herald on a sunny day?

by query on May 03, 2009 at 03:20 PM

Very interesting stats.
Do the ABS statistics reveal what percentage of first marriages end in divorce? Versus what percentage of remarriages (second, third marriages etc) end in divorce?

by 4mula1 on May 03, 2009 at 04:41 PM

Apparently there's 99 types of love.
Anyways, coming from a 17 yo perspective, love is like a candle in the wind, until someone farts on it.

by dee on May 03, 2009 at 04:51 PM

As a Family Law lawyer I have much to say, and part of it is my favourite sayings.
Marriage is the only contract you enter where you find out the terms of it when it ends (Carol Pateman quote)
You can't have a happy marriage on the outside if you don't have a happy marriage within yourself (in other words if you are gravitated towards idiots, do a self esteem course instead of commiting to the idiot)
dont make a decision about committing to your current until you have taken off your rose coloured glasses.
If you get cold feet just before the commitment (marriage or moving in with your new one), then listen to your feet - do a walk and dont marry or move in.
Having a baby does not save a relationship that if failing. It drags you further apart and from a family law point of view, keeps the person you no longer want to know in your life until your child is 16 to 18 years, if not longer.
Who you are with and how they behave is how they are going to be during the relationship, if not worse. Love does not make people better or who you want them to be. If you dont like things about them and those things irritate you, it is not going to get better in a relationship, but worse.
Final parting words, if you commit by buying property/having children you will end up meeting someone like me. The bill could be between $5,000 and $100,000.00. Look at who you are thinking of committing to and work out for yourself whether they are worth the money they will cost.
Most people I come across post separation have some things in common - no communication, no trust, no respect, no ability to work out common goals, poor or shattered self esteem, strong desires for revenge or battling someone who just wants revenge (amazing what you can achieve through your children even if it damages the children in the meantime). Basically strangers tied together by convention.
Think carefully. Love is not what is made out in the media.
Oh I am happily single after having been there and done that. Life is more peaceful and I dont have someone else's dirty socks, bad day, bad temper, bad attitude to put up with.

by fll on May 03, 2009 at 05:50 PM

Shelly -
Never fear, I was 25 and had never been in a relationship, now I am 28 and about to get married.

by lucky on May 03, 2009 at 05:53 PM

i am astounded at the fact that marriage survives at all in the current legal environemnt - even the 1st time will eventually reduce if fathers affected by the divorce laws have any influence on their sons (Huh!)

by large nick on May 03, 2009 at 07:38 PM

95% sounds pretty good, until you consider that 5 out of every 100 people do not get to find long-lasting love.
As someone who is 35 years old and has never been in a relationship, this statistic scares the (****) out of me.
David - any clues from the statistics about how I go about finding a woman?

by Shan on May 03, 2009 at 09:36 PM

Guess I should count myself lucky. Not only did I find love twice but my second husband is nearly 8 years younger than I am. I did have to import from overseas though :)

by ms on May 04, 2009 at 07:17 AM

"David - any clues from the statistics about how I go about finding a woman?
by Shan on May 03, 2009 at 09:36 PM"

Shan - meet Shelly. :-)

by Miss Dynamite on May 04, 2009 at 07:24 AM

Marriage is a great institution.
But who wants to spend the rest of their life in an institution?

by Richard on May 04, 2009 at 08:45 AM

'fll on May 03, 2009 at 05:50 PM' -- WISE WORDS. Relationships scare the crap out of me now. All I can say is, Thank God I'm Happy, Free & Single! Wouldn't have it any other way. I would never, ever settle for second best.

by HighPriestess on May 04, 2009 at 09:51 AM

I wonder how much of the 5 per cent of people who never find long lasting love actually are those who have some sort of mental or behavioural disability (like autism) that might hinder them from entering a romantic relationship. Tragic, I know. I have a physical disability myself and I feel that it can be a hinderance to finding love.

by mdl on May 04, 2009 at 10:02 AM

Love the ideals of marriage, although im 25 years old and have out of a group of over 15 friends only 3 of us have parents that are still together and all those who's parents arent together have been severeky affected and i dont care what people say the children always suffer the most and my mates are still dealing with those issues and i see how it affect their intimate relationships with other people. My parents have been together for over 28 years although i dont think marrigage holds the same values or ideals as it did back then. Its too easy to get married and even eaiser to get divorced. I dont think that i want to get married as it is now just seen as a piece of paper that you can have torn up any time you like. I think less and less people will get married going forward, just doesnt seem to mean what it once did to society.

by Armila on May 04, 2009 at 10:27 AM

Marriage is a medieval concept - it dates from the time when women were the property of men and only nobility and clerics were educated. Now that we are approaching sexual equality - marriage is irrelevant - but the concept of perfect romantic love is as endlessly promoted in the media, film/tv as attainable and desirable.
PS: Family law solicitors: shootin's too good for 'em.

by shoestring on May 04, 2009 at 11:24 AM

well, im 37 and im over being "young, free and single". i wanna be old and grumpy WITH somebody.
Sure, love can suck - but loneliness sux even more :)

by chicchick on May 04, 2009 at 12:12 PM

In the average heterosexual partnership, the man is 2.6 years older than the woman. But, says the bureau, "for marriages occurring between a male divorcee and a never married bride, the groom was, on average, older by 7.3 years." - Interesting stat there. My current boyfriend (in the process of divorce) is 5 years older than me. Not to say that we will get married down the track- don't think either of us want that. But that stat it pretty spot on.

by Winnie on May 04, 2009 at 12:35 PM

Having been married one, divorced once, been to my all of my ex wifes weddings (two) & living happily in a de facto relationship - I can categorically state that the people carrying on about Nathan Rees who think the quote is any more than an aside to the article are unlikely to be able to order a beer at the pub and even less likely to have ever been in a relationship outside their own family!!!
Love is like a butterfly but I cannot remember the rest of the lyrics........!

by BadSax on May 04, 2009 at 01:17 PM

Who are so many people desperate to find love and be in love and be with someone. For me, it would be the biggest inconvenience of all. I have no desire to marry or even have a long-term relationship. I like having many short-term relationships ( less than 6 months each). I just don't like the idea of sharing my house and life with someone else. I enjoy waking up on Saturday mornings and just deciding on the day how to spend my weekend. Have people forgotten how to enjoy their own company? Are people so insecure that they need someone to validate their own life? There is nothing wrong with having dinner at home on your own and then relaxing with a good movie and a glass of red wine without always having to talk to someone or they interrupt your night. No wonder why so many people divorce each other and then have custody battles over the kids. They should never have married in the first place!

by George on May 04, 2009 at 01:26 PM

An article was published last week stating that people in marriage have a better financial outcome, live longer and are generally happier than single people.
Sure it's easy to be cynical about marriage but it still has merits to be admired. Maybe it's the merits of some people who enter into marriage that should be questioned, not marriage itself.
I'm thirty seven and never been married. I've loved and lost love. I probably could have been married at a younger age but wasn't mature or ready for it. But at this age I know I'm ready for it. Just to love someone and have a baby with them would bring content to my heart and soul. But that's easier said than done. I still hold hope.

by See a better picture on May 04, 2009 at 01:32 PM

I'm with you chicchick. Well, you know, not WITH you.....

by hazelblackberry on May 04, 2009 at 02:11 PM

chicchick on May 04, 2009 at 12:12 P why so down on yourself? The world is your oyster! Enjoy being with yourself. Why marry when you can have a string of wonderful short-term relationships less than four months each before things get serious. Enjoy the honeymoon stage of a relationship every time without having to experience the daily grind of a long term relationship. I am single too and I love the fact that every night and weekend, I am free to do whatever I want to do without having to share my life with anyone and without the need to talk to someone about your life every single day. I do enough talking at work. When I get home, I just want to relax with a good book or movie and a glass of red wine. I really don't want to hear how anyone else's day went. On weekends, I go to art galleries, plays, operas, all at my own leisure. I travel overseas three times a year and always have a side trip after work for a week or so to relax and see the world. I love my life. It's wonderful and I don't want to share it with anyone else!

by George on May 04, 2009 at 03:38 PM

George, sure there's plenty of freedom with being single... but I can get a bit bored with my own company - dialogue sux when you always know what the reply will be (hehe). Ok and perhaps the difference between you and I is, with all due respect, I don't like skanky flings.
I wanna get old and grumpy with ONE guy over the long haul - yep, I wanna get married, and I don't care how outdated people accuse marriage of being, that's what I'm holding out for.
Oh but I should add, that while I'm a lil whingey about being lonely, I do have wonderful friends and family who help to keep the dialogue varied. Because life is wonderful and I DO want to share it anyone else!

by chicchick on May 06, 2009 at 10:41 AM

Oh btw: thanks Hazelblackberry - i gotcha; and hey See a better picture - wow, are you my doppleganger... or if you're male, marry me? ;)

by chicchick on May 06, 2009 at 12:35 PM

The Sun-Herald

Who We Are

WHO WE ARE: Love is in the air, except for 5 per cent

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