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The Tribal Mind: The envelopes, please
To learn how Australians find love, go to Who We Are
by David Dale
The voters have spoken. The glittering ceremony begins. Lets skip the red carpet and the comedy routine, and go straight to the results for The Bogie Awards 2009, in which we celebrate all that is egregious on Australian television.
Six weeks ago this column published nominations in a variety of categories, and sought your votes. We were overwhelmed by 226 responses. Our team of accountants has tallied them. Here's what the viewers thought:
Most unnecessary personality: Tom Williams 4 votes; Emazon 8; Giaan Rooney 8; Ricki-Lee Coulter 16; Krystal Forscutt 22; Fifi Box 23. And the winner, with 36 votes, is Lara Bingle.
Most unnecessary program: Sunday Night 5; Guerilla Gardeners 11; Triple Zero Heroes 15; Yum Cha 16; Bondi Vet 17; Sunrise 20. And the winner, with 27 votes, is Celebrity Singing Bee.
Most unnecessary adaptation of an overseas show: Customs 7; Life on Mars (US) 8; Wipeout Australia 17; Aussie Ladette to Lady 17; Kath and Kim (US) 33. And the winner, with 36 votes, is Top Gear Australia.
Most offputting commercial: Valvoline 4; "The one where 'surprise' is every second word" 5; Pepsi max 5; The good guys 6; Funeral insurance 7; It's a beautiful day for cancer 10; The beaver 15; The Ped Egg 27. And the winner, with 35 votes, is "The impotence one with the guys playing the piano".
Best use of breasts to exploit viewers' base instincts: Satisfaction 3; 30 Rock 9; Nigella Express 25. And the winner, with 78 votes, is Overbelly: A Sale of Two Titties.
Worst attempt at an accent from a country not your own: Damien Lewis (in LIfe) 4; Melissa George (in Grey's Anatomy) 10; "The bloke playing Terry Clarke's supposedly Scottish offsider" 17. Winner, with 66 votes: Matthew Newton (in Underbelly 2).
Most Underrated: Review by Miles Barlow 4; Rush 4; Good Game 4; Eli Stone 7; The Einstein Factor 9; ABC2 News Breakfast 16; 30 Rock 24. Winner, with 26: Dexter.
Furthest fallen from former finery: The Footy Show 4; Neighbours 16; Lost 26; Grey's Anatomy 27. Winner, with 37: House.
Most annoying person: Scott Cam 3; Charlie Cox 3; Jason Coleman 6; Georgie Parker 9; Sam Newman 10; Ajay Rochester 14; Andrew O'Keefe 15; Danny Weidler 18. Winner, with 33: David Koch.
Most overhyped: Lie To Me 3; The Footy Show 14; Packed to the Rafters 16; Underbelly 2 30. Winner, with 35: So You Think You Can Dance Australia.
Most repeated: Inspector Rex 3; Love Actually 5; About a Boy 6; Gordon Ramsay 6; MASH 12; Guthy-Renker 13; The Simpsons 23. Winner, with 39: Two and a Half Men.
Most missed: Big Brother 3; Hey Hey It's Saturday 3; Newstopia 3; Mother and Son 4; The Panel Christmas special 5; Deadwood 5; The West Wing 7; The Glasshouse 11; Enough Rope 19. And the winner, with 45 votes, is The Chaser.
Most jerked around by the networks: Cold Case 3; Out of the Blue 5; ER 5; Ugly Betty 6; 24 16. Winner, with 35: Scrubs.
Most wooden presenter: Jennifer Hawkins 16; Sandra Sully 19; Natalie Bassingthwaighte 39. Winner, with 41: Ajay Rochester.
Most embarrassing program (the Naomi Robson Cup): Today on Sunday 5; WWE Afterburn 9; The Biggest Loser 13; A Current Affair 24. Winner, with 43: Today Tonight.
Furthest past use-by date (the Bert Newton Trophy): Australia's Got Talent 5; Kerry Anne Kennerley 9; Paul McDermott 11; Todd McKenney 13; Red Symons 15; Dancing with the Stars 18; Catriona Rowntree 20. Winner, with 33: Richard Wilkins.
The Black Bogie (the Eddie McGuire Chalice): Todd McKenney 4; Ajay Rochester 16; Andrew Okeefe 18. And the winner, with 84 votes, is Kyle Sandilands. May flights of angels sing him to his rest.
Go here to see all the votes. Go to Comments to discuss how TV can be better.
David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
COMMENTS
And where is the obligatory bit when the number crunchers i.e TM with a briefcase, wanders out onto the stage for applause for a job well done?
- by Bereft Skerrick on May 02, 2009 at 11:59 AM
Hilarious segment david. Love the Chalice reference, it had me in stitches. I hope you circulate these results to the nominees/winners.
- by Nick on May 02, 2009 at 02:14 PM
How to make TV better:
Shoot all producers who think they have a creative bone in them.
Stop network executives making creative decisions. None of them have a clue.
Take a serious look at what rates, weather it's from the US or UK, and re-employ writers to come back to Australia and write those types of scripts.
Send our comedy writers to talk to the guys who write "2 and a Half Men" to learn about comedy.
Offer nice incentives to all the aussie actors, who have gone offshore to make a living, to come back.
Shoot all the.....said that, just wanted to reiterate.
Give funding based on ideas not PC value. I read a great comment that said " a film about lesbian, wheelchair bound basketball players will get funding over anything". How true is that!!
Last but not least, DON"T make a show about anything that happened before 1960.
- by Mike Jones on May 02, 2009 at 02:22 PM
We have been in the US for 8 months and "2.5 Men" has shown 2 episodes 6 nights a week for every week we have been here. Beats any complaining about repeats in Oz!
- by iain on May 02, 2009 at 08:45 PM
Lots of diserving winners there. Kyle virtually doubled all the other winners, how proud would he be?? If I was the one that signed the Kyle paycheques I would be woried that 1 in 3 people really dislike him & possibly it would be better (& cheaper) to pay for somebody that was actually liked by the viewing public.
- by PJ453 on May 04, 2009 at 07:55 AM
Thank you people for showing I am not entirely alone. There are at least 17 other people out there as irritated by Danny "Exclusive" Weidler as I am.
- by Cat on May 04, 2009 at 09:04 AM
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And the Bogies finish for another year. Any honourable mentions by the host?
Perhaps we could start a hall of shame next year abit like the 'cough'logies'cough' hall of fame?