The Sun-Herald

The Tribal Mind: What 70s symptoms are you seeing?

To solve the mysteries of Australia's justice system, like why you're more likely to be found innocent in Canberra, go to Who We Are.

by David Dale
This column's job is to spot trends early enough for you to take advantage of them, but sometimes I need help. Here's the dilemma I want you to solve: Is The New Big Thing in television bare breasts or is it a fully-fledged return to the 1970s, of which the current breast explosion is only one symptom?

A week ago, when it became apparent that the audience for Underbelly 2 drops by 200,000 whenever the show reduces its mammary display, I was going for the breasts-only option. But then I saw Juanita Phillips on the ABC news. As everyone knows, hairdressers are always the first to sense a shift in the zeitgeist, and the people who do Phillips's hair are clearly convinced the 70s are back. Every night she grows more like Farrah Fawcett Majors.

If we take this as support for the nostalgia scenario, Underbelly 2 becomes the Number 96 of our decade. When that saucy soap was launched in 1972, one daily paper used this headline: "Tonight Australian television loses its virginity". So now we're losing it again, touched for the very second time.

The nudity in Number 96 did not cause the promiscuity of the 70s -- it reflected the relaxed values of the day. The breast fetish of Underbelly 2 (which, as it happens, is set in the 70s) could be the first sign of a relaxation in the puritanism that has inhibited TV programming in the uptight Noughties.

If we are returning to the Decade That Style Forgot, Channel Ten's new series Life on Mars puts a precise date on it. That program's premise is that a 21st century cop is mysteriously transported to 1973, a fate he rapidly comes to embrace, visiting record shops to pick up "old vinyl LPs", and shouting at the TV screen when he sees President Nixon: "Oh, go on and resign already - we know you will."

When you think about it, we could do a lot worse than 1973 as a target for nostalgia. That was the year when Pink Floyd released Dark Side of the Moon. The Vietnam War ended. Australia had an energetic new government making reforms in health, education, the environment, the arts and Aboriginal affairs. The Opera House opened. The Sting and Alvin Purple were our favourite movies. And Abba hadn't started yet. Bring it on, I say.

Then again, the return of the breast to prime time television could just be a result of Channel Nine's desperation to beat Channel Seven, and those other 70s symptoms could be mere coincidence.

That seems to be the view of this column's readers. Two weeks ago The Tribal Mind sought nominations for the 2009 Bogie Awards, which honour the most embarrassing, annoying and underrated programs and people on Australian television. I suggested that Underbelly 2, Satisfaction and True Blood might be candidates in a category called "Best Use of Breasts To Exploit Viewers' Base Instincts". (I forgot to acknowledge the pioneering work of Ghost Whisperer in making this category necessary, even if Jennifer Love Hewitt dresses more modestly when meeting the departed these days).

Alert reader Darren added two more candidates to the list: Nigella Express and The Biggest Loser, but asked "Are man-boobs breasts?"

Another reader, Neil, suggested a game for viewers: "We should all partake in the mood that the producers intended and skull a drink for each [breast] we see. There wouldn't be a sober house in the country ... Still, it is nice to see Aussie drama. Just don't treat us all like mindless sex fiends!"

Other new categories this year include Most Tragic Victim of Hairdressing (see above for the prime candidate, pictured in happier hair days); Saddest Comedy; Least Credible Newsreader; Furthest Fallen From Former Finery; and Worst Attempt at an Accent Not From Your Own Homeland.

But of course, the "Best Use of Breasts" category may be cruel and unnecessary, if we decide that the producers who specialize in chest exposure are simply paying homage to a precious period in 20th century history. That's for you to judge. Go to Comments to give us your theory. And to nominate candidates for TV's hall of shame, go to The Bogies.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.