The Tribal Mind: The smartest lines on the box

Wednesday May 9, 2007 04:08 PM

Who We Are

To discuss how the Greeks conquered Australia, go to Who We Are

by David Dale
The Emmy awards ceremony, in which Hollywood honours a whole lot of programs our networks end up showing late at night or not at all, will this year make a feature of the most memorable lines of dialogue in 60 years of scripted television. It's apparently an attempt to cheer up the screenwriters who went on strike earlier this year in an attempt to to get extra payments when their work is sold again (via DVDs and the internet).

Already US websites are jumping with nominations, so before we get on to the topic of the most memorable lines in Australian television history, you can test yourself on your retention skills.

Which characters, on which shows, said these?
"Live long and prosper."
"As I once said to Celine Dion -- why the long face?"
"Pick me. Choose me. Love me."
"How you doin?"
"We were on a break."
"The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself, and if you find someone who loves the YOU that you love, it could be fabulous."
"Mrs Peel, we're needed."
"I may be dead but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you."
"Not that there's anything wrong with that."
"Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do."
"Legend- ... wait for it, and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the next part of this word is ... -dary."
"Make it so."
"Just one more question ...".
"Everyone lies."
"Who loves ya, baby?"

Of course you had no trouble with those (if you did, answers *here). It goes to show how America has dominated Australian television forever and what a wasted life you've had. Now here's your chance to put all those eye-numbing hours to national use. We want a comparable list from Australian-made television. Let these names jog your memory.

The most successful scripted series in Australian television history: Hey Dad; Homicide; The Paul Hogan Show; Kath and Kim; Underbelly; The Comedy Company; Blue Heelers; The Norman Gunston Show; Number 96; Wildside, The Sullivans; City Homicide; The Mavis Bramston Show; Fast Forward/ Full Frontal; Mother and Son; All Saints; McLeod's Daughters; Frontline; A Country Practice; Seachange; Summer Heights High; Kingswood Country; The Aunty Jack Show; The Games; Water Rats; Prisoner; Division 4; The Secret Life of Us; Cop Shop, The Naked Vicar Show; The D Generation; Stingers; Blue Murder; plus a few that were less successful but contained lines worth quoting: Life Support; Australia, You're Standing In It; Love My Way; The Late Show; Newstopia (and most other Shaun Micallef series).

Go to Comments to give us your favourite lines from great Australian television

(*Answers: Spock, Star Trek; Karen Walker, Will and Grace; Meredith, Grey's Anatomy; Joey, Friends; Ross, Friends; Carrie, Sex and the City; Steed, The Avengers; Cordelia, Buffy; George and Jerry, Seinfeld; Ricky, I Love Lucy; Barney, How I Met Your Mother; Jean Luc Picard, Star Trek; Columbo; House; Kojack. The Emmys are on September 22, Australian time)

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

COMMENTS

'Tense! Tense! I'm as tense as a row of camps.'
Norman Gunston when asked if he ever felt tense before interviewing celebrities

by john millar on September 01, 2008 at 12:20 PM

No phrase transcends cultures like: "You get a car, you get a car, you get a car. Everybody gets a car!!!"
Related: "It's a new car!"

by canoli on September 01, 2008 at 03:00 PM

Hate to do it to you, but the Buffy quote was by Buffy, not Cordelia.

Tribal Mind relies: I had a feeling that might be the case. Was she talking to Cordelia?

by LR on September 01, 2008 at 03:38 PM

'What's that Skip?'
'Piss off,Bruce!'
'I'm quite ardamant about that.'

by Steve on September 01, 2008 at 04:43 PM

I like Kylie Mole : "so she goes, she goes, she goes .. she just goes"

by Mike on September 01, 2008 at 09:50 PM

"I'm gonna jump through your speakers and rip yer bloody arms off" - everyones favourite relative, Aunty Jack.

by Bereft Skerrick on September 02, 2008 at 07:49 AM

Favourite Aust TV lines
From Number 96

Dorrie Evans: "I prefer to remain ambiguous."
Dorrie: "Have you gone completely baresque?"
Dorrie: "Oh Her-bert!"
Flo Patterson: "Ticketty-boo"
Dorrie: "Of course, I'm not one to cast nasturtiums but......"
Dorrie: "What are you incinerating?"

by John Hackett on September 02, 2008 at 09:02 AM

Re: Tribal Mind replies: I had a feeling that might be the case. Was she talking to Cordelia?
No, it's the last episode of season 1 - Buffy speaking to The Master.

Tribal Mind replies: Thanks. Now that we have had this discussion, I'm forced to leave the incorrect version in the column, or new readers won't know what these comments are referring to. But the correction duly noted.

by lr on September 02, 2008 at 10:05 AM

The obvious one is"
"The Kingswood! The Kingswood! You're not taking the Kingswood!" and "Leave the money on the fridge" from Kingswood country.
"Champagne Comedy!" - The Late Show
"Shame! Shame! Shame!" - Derren Hunch, Fast Forward
And because it just sticks in the mind "arch-i-tect" by Betty from Hey Dad!
Skippy, Kylie Mole, yep, still remembered from so long ago too.

by Ozpuck on September 02, 2008 at 12:32 PM

She goes, she goes, she just goes . . .

by Matt on September 02, 2008 at 09:21 PM

"Puck You Miss" from Summer Heights High.
"That's so Random" from We could be heroes/Summer Heights high
"Look at moiye" from Kath and Kim
"S*&t Scared" from the Late Show

by Beckala on September 03, 2008 at 06:48 AM

Stricly speaking, not an entirely scripted show, but:
"In the bin!" from the Micallef program

by Chjris on September 03, 2008 at 09:50 AM

A few of my favourites:
"Good evening Australia, I'm Kerri-Anne Kennel; it's great to be watching me" - from Fast Forward
"Oh Victor, you are a very unattractive man" - again, Fast Forward.
"That woman is the biggest gossip this side of the Western Plains!" - Tom Croydon, Blue Heelers
And one I realise is not from a very popular or well-remembered show, but one that I like anyway -
Ros: It is my right to have sex whenever and with whomever I want.
Verity: Yes, it's a right. Not an obligation. (Marshall Law)

by Adrian on September 05, 2008 at 08:35 AM

Google is failing me for the exact quote, but I would have to nominate John Clarke's merciless grilling of the person who built the "100" metre track for the Sydney Olympics in "The Games".
Or maybe John Howard's apology from "The Games".

by tqd on September 10, 2008 at 10:07 AM

"Lesbian." - Noeline Brown on 'The Naked Vicar Show' (I think).
"I said Love, I said Pet, I said Pet, I said Love...." - Magda Szubanski on 'Big Girl's Blouse' (can't remember the character).
"I say Arthur...." - Ruth Cracknell on 'Mother & Son'.
"Like a Tiger." - Santo & Rob Sitch on 'The Late Show' (as the sports commentators).

by darren on September 10, 2008 at 11:20 AM

"Howzit! Dr Rudy here..." (said in a terrible South African accent) from Life Support

by Bereft Skerrick on September 10, 2008 at 01:11 PM

I'm too young to remember Number 96, but with some of those lines it seems like Dorrie could have been an inspiration for Kath and Kim.
tqd, I recently watched The Games again when the whole series was repeated during the Beijing Olympics. I think the line you're referring to followed the outrage from John when he discovered that the engineers had made the 100 metre track only 94 metres long.
John: But what you’re telling me is, the 100-metre track is .... about 100 metres?

by J Bar on September 10, 2008 at 02:11 PM

Hi Darren,
The Magda Szubanski character you are referring to was the chain smoking 'Lyn'. She would sit in her office with blue eye shadow and what looked like a pastel coloured poncho!
Her other famous quote was "I sit here working my fingers to the bone from 2 till 4, two days a week! "

by GJ on September 10, 2008 at 02:56 PM

Hello, I'm Mike Moore. Welcome To Frontline. (Mike Moore, Frontline)
How embarrassment (Effie, Acropolis Now)
Hello. Good thanks (Effie, Acropolis Now)The Bouquet residence, the lady of the house speaking! (Hyacinth Bucket, Keeping Up Appearances)
Yahasra and goodnight. (Shaun Micallef, Newtopia)
Say 'hi' to your mum for me. (Rove)

by J Bar on September 10, 2008 at 03:07 PM

how about? "hold my hand Miss Jane/Pat/Roxanne?", "Hurry up!", "Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1?" and "Let's have a look at the Playschool clock...". These obviously will not require detailed citation!!!!!!

by Anthony Martin on September 10, 2008 at 08:26 PM

Oh and BTW, the contention that US TV has dominated Aussie TV may be nearly unarguable but it is undermined by the presence of the line from The Avengers, produced by ABC Television (known these days as Thames Television I think) at Pinewood Studios for ITV in the UK.

by Anthony Martin on September 10, 2008 at 08:37 PM

Not "australian" but Maxwell Smart's "Missed by that much" and "if only he had used his rottenness for good instead of evil"
One of the more iconic lines has to be "Not happy, Jan! "
Even more iconic, "Wake up, Jeff" Anyone who has a young child will recognise that line instantly.
Script writers may not be happy with my choices especially if they get paid by the word.
Little Britain also has some memorable lines but they rely a lot on the context. Such as "the computer says no" and "only gay in the village". There are also some classic gems in Boston Legal but then may not instantly recognizable to general public who don't watch the show

by kate on September 10, 2008 at 11:28 PM

Are you free, Mr Humphries?
Yes I'm free, Mr Peacock.
Substitute any of those names for Mr, Lucas, Mrs Slocombe, Miss Brahms, Mr Grainger, Mr Rumbold or any replacement characters on 'Are You Being Served?'.
And 'Allo 'Allo was absolutely brimming with catchphrases. Here's just a few.
Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once.
Rene! What are you doing with your arms around that serving girl?
You Stupid woman!
Good Moaning.
It is I, LeClerc.
Oh, my dicky ticker!
The fallen madonna with the big boobies.

Tribal Mind replies: Thanks for that wonderful nostalgia, but I was hoping for examples of cleverly written dialogue rather than catchprases, from Australian rather than British shows. I'm getting the impression Australian writers have not produced much that was memorable. Can any readers help?

by J Bar on September 11, 2008 at 07:14 AM

Quoth J Bar: "I think the line you're referring to followed the outrage from John when he discovered that the engineers had made the 100 metre track only 94 metres long.
John: But what youï¿½re telling me is, the 100-metre track is .... about 100 metres?"
Oh, that's it, absolutely. (Sorry if I wasn't clear before!) I just loved the way he kept on digging and digging and the guy kept on squirming and wriggling and never *quite* saying the truth.
And I obviously don't watch enough Aussie drama, I can't think of a single line from any of them!! How embarrassment.

by tqd on September 11, 2008 at 10:37 AM

TM - There's some classic dialogue in the early Kath and Kim episodes on the ABC like Kath's dialogue to Kel in an early episode as they partake in an intimate moment.
"Oooh I like what I see - oh Kel what do you call that?'
And Kel as he enters Kath's kitchen in one hilarious episode
"Ooh something smells nice and it's not that tuna mornay!"

by GJ on September 11, 2008 at 01:03 PM

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The Tribal Mind: The smartest lines on the box

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