The Tribal Mind: The write stuff?

Wednesday May 9, 2007 04:08 PM

Who We Are

To discuss why Australians watched the 40 most popular programs of 2008, go to Who We Are.

by David Dale.
YOU be the judge. Are these the best lines ever written for Australian television ...
"What's that, Skip?''
"So she goes, she goes, she goes ...."
"I'm gonna jump through your speakers and rip yer bloody arms off."
"I prefer to remain ambiguous." "Have you gone completely beresque?" "Of course, I'm not one to cast nasturtiums but..." "What are you incinerating?"
"The Kingswood? The Kingswood! You're not taking the Kingswood!" "Leave the money on the fridge"
"Puck You Miss." "That's so Random."
"Look at moiyee." "It's nice, it's unusual, it's different." "I like what I see -- Oh Kel, what do you call that?'' "Ooh, something smells nice and it's not that tuna mornay!"
"That woman is the biggest gossip this side of the Western Plains!"
"I said Love, I said Pet, I said Pet, I said Love ..." "I sit here working my fingers to the bone from 2 till 4, two days a week!"
"Howzit! Dr Rudy yah ..."
"How embarrassment."
"Hold my hand, Miss Pat."
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, B1?"
"Wake up, Jeff!"
"Good evening Australia, I'm Kerri-Anne Kennel; it's great to be watching me."
"Tense? Tense? I'm as tense as a row of camps.''
"It is my right to have sex whenever and with whomever I want." "Yes, it's a right, not an obligation."
"What you're telling me is, the 100-metre track is .... about 100 metres?"
"Maybe it's one of those cheap funerals where you dump the coffin beside the road somewhere and then go home and ring up the council."

These were nominated by readers when this column asked for classic lines from Australian television series. I was looking for material to match the American TV dialogue being collected for this year's Emmy Awards ceremony, which will honour the work of screenwriters.

I don't want to seem ungrateful, but my feeling is that, with the exception of the final three (from Marshall Law, The Games, and Mother and Son), most of the lines submitted so far are more in the nature of catchphrases than clever writing. They have nostalgia on their side, but not a lot of wit.

Australian screenwriters must have been more creative than that in the past 52 years. I'm sure there are more diamonds to be mined from the memories of this column's TV-addicted readers, so I'm keeping auditions open for another week. If you'd like to offer examples, go to Comments.

Correction: Several readers noted an attribution error when I quoted some of American dialogue to be honoured at the Emmys. The line "I may be dead but I'm still pretty -- which is more than I can say for you" was of course spoken by Buffy, not Cordelia. Now over to you to better it.

To discuss why Australians watched the 40 most popular programs of 2008, go to Who We Are

The lines above came from Sonny, Skippy The Bush Kangaroo; Kylie Mole, The Comedy Company; Aunty Jack; Dorrie, Number 96; Kingswood Country; Jonah, Jam'ie, in Summer Heights High; Kath and Kim; Sgt Tom Croydon in Blue Heelers; Lyn, Big Girl's Blouse; Life Support; Effie, Acropolis Now; Mr Squiggle; Bananas in Pyjamas; The Wiggles; Fast Forward; The Norman Gunston Show; John Clarke, The Games; Ros and Verity, Marshall Law; Robert, Mother and Son.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

COMMENTS

You forgot one of the best quotes:
"Get your head out of your date, Bill - Where are my hookers?"
From Stingers, said by Richard Morgan as DSS Reg Masters

by Alex on September 14, 2008 at 04:45 PM

Dale, while i don't disagree with you that a lot of those lines are catchphrases - i'm not exactly sure what you were expecting? These are the things that stick out in people's minds. I'm sure Micallef, or Roy & HG, or many others have probably said something on TV that is far more clever than those. But when a lot of those phrases were first uttered, they caught people's imaginations, or made them laugh. Isn't that something that all writers aspire to?

by DragonLass on September 14, 2008 at 08:22 PM

David, I think most of the lines you printed in your first article from American series would also be considered to be catchphrases for those characters in those shows because most of them were uttered over and over again. I can think of a lot of catchphrases from Australian series that are equally memorable but I resisted providing them when you said you'd prefer memorable lines rather than memorable catchphrases.

by J Bar on September 14, 2008 at 10:00 PM

I don't think anyone's mentioned Con The Fruiterer's "Coupla days, bewdiful" and "Good luck to your family".
The fact that they are catchphrases is the very reason they do stick in people's minds. I'm sure there was a whole lot of clever (and longer) dialogue, but what people will remember is the short catchy phrases.
Adam Hart-Davis, in his foreword to Judy Parkinson's "Catchphrase, Slogan and Cliche" (Michael O'Mara Books, London 2003) defines catchphrases as a type of meme. He writes: "Memes are little bits of information that are passed on from one person to another by imitation; they include phrases, hairstyles, recipes and tunes". He goes on to comment: "[memes] ... all compete to get into our brains and to get passed on to other people. The fittest memes survive, and the most successful are those that go on being used for years."
So if you ask for good TV dialogue, what you'll inevitably get will largely be the catchiest shortish catchphrases, because they are the bits people can remember effortlessly without doing a great deal of research.
(Incidentally the book I quoted is good, but being a UK publication it contains mainly British and US items and very few Australian).

by Steve C on September 15, 2008 at 10:47 AM

With respect TM, "how you doin'?" is hardly witty dialogue either; it's a catchphrase.
I did try to remember the dialogue from shows such as "The Games", "Mother and Son", "Grass Roots" - or longer sketches from shows such as Fast Forward and The Late Show. But I couldn't.
All I could remember is that when I watched them, not once, but several times, is that I laughed as hard as the first time. But I could not, for the life of me, quote it back.
What I did remember is the pithy lines and catchphrases. Which I submitted.
If I was going to nominate some writers for the most memorable and witty dialogue written in Australia it would be to John Clarke (The Games, Clarke and Dawe interviews...) and Geoffrey Atherden (Mother and Son in particular). But I'd have to go back and look up the exchanges in full.
However, for impact and memorability, isn't the most memorable piece of dialogue on Australian TV an unscripted crow impersonation by Graham Kennedy?

by Ozpuck on September 15, 2008 at 11:57 AM

"How come you're the new face of corruption?"
That is one line I recall as a great quote from "Bad Eggs" (actually a movie), but I can't find a script to check it exactly word for word.

by phil on September 15, 2008 at 01:17 PM

Surely the best line EVER in the history of Australian television is: "You're my second best friend. You can't be my best friend. Brian's my best friend!" The way it was said – with innuendo on the name Brian – made it a classic on The Mavis Bramston Show. I was very young at the time but even I could sense that it was somehow very naughty. You might expect from the subject matter that it was Gordon Chater who delivered the line but I think – not sure – that it was Ron Fraser. Best, John Amy

by John Amy on September 15, 2008 at 01:36 PM

How Bobo answers the phone in Pizza: 'Fat Pizza pizzas - they're big and they're cheesy.'

by HAL 9000 on September 15, 2008 at 04:43 PM

A one-time Minister for Roads, on paying the Lane Cove Tunnel owners 25 Million dollars to delay the opening of the tunnel until after the 2007 election, described the payment, on the ABCTV news, as an "investment".
That man is now the NSW Treasurer !

by Nat on September 15, 2008 at 05:26 PM

One of the best lines I have heard is a very recent one from "Mark loves Sharon" Mark discovers his manager Jerry is also managing his biggest rival on the side. Then follows an interchange which ends with the precious line from Mark; " Do you think about him while you're managing me?" It was beautiful.

by Hugh Kearney on September 16, 2008 at 08:17 AM

by Levendis on September 16, 2008 at 08:28 AM

Aunty Jack: ...or I'll rip your bloody arms off.
Kev Kavanagh: See ya round like a rissole.

by Jasper on September 16, 2008 at 09:14 AM

"Are you trying to feel me up?"
"No I just mistook your boob for an m&m"
Alex (Claudia Karvan) & Kelly (Deb Mailman) THE SECRET LIFE OF US
"This beer is gonna taste so good I'll probably have another"
Mickey (Gary Sweet), POLICE RESCUE

by Tess on September 16, 2008 at 10:19 AM

From "Love My Way"
"You don't know whether you're Siddartha or Martha"
and
"Okay Ghandi. Walk then!"
and from "the Cooks"
Ruth: what's your video called?
Rita: ils lechent de derriere.
(translates)
"They lick from behind"

by december on September 16, 2008 at 02:59 PM

From KATH AND KIM
Kath to Kim and Sharon when deciding what her guests should wear at her wedding.
Kath "Now girls we have to think of a dress code for Kel and my big day"
Kim "What about piss elegant?"
Kath " Noo Kim, that's been done before - I know...what about tissy??"
Kim and Sharon "Yeah tissy...ohhh...that's noice, that's different, that's unusual!"

by GJ on September 16, 2008 at 03:40 PM

Well we should not forget the great lines from Skippy which elicited the "What's that, Skip?" and responded to Sonny's question.
I did spend a few months of my life adding what we at Fauna Films called "Skip Chat" (as well as other sound FX, of course) to the Skippy tracks for mixing.
None of us ever really believed that kangaroos -- even those as intelligent as Skippy -- really did make that "Tsk tsk" sound, but one of the producers swore that he had heard one do so, and it was necessary to set up something for the other half of the dialogue between the 'roo and the kid.
"Skip chat" was ordered up as a matter of hundreds of feet of 16mm magnetic film from the stock FX library.
I have no idea who the original performer was, however surely they deserve recognition of their place in the history of Oz culture, along with that gentleman who read the times for the PMG talking clock!
Regards - Ross

by Ross Chambers on September 16, 2008 at 05:12 PM

Kim: Sharon, you're my second best friend. Help Me! (Kath & Kim)
One of the most memorable lines for me never came from a scriptwriter but from a scheming contestant on a reality television show (Big Brother): "Game on, molls!"
by Levendis on September 16, 2008 at 08:28 AM
that was from australia's next top model
which brought us other classic lines such as "i knew there was morrocan food but how am i meant to know theres a morroca country."

by bellastarky on September 16, 2008 at 05:26 PM

Game on Moll: that was from australia's next top model which brought us other classic lines such as "i knew there was morrocan food but how am i meant to know theres a morroca country." by bellastarky on September 16, 2008 at 05:26 PM
I know Jordan Loukas on Australia's Next Top Model used the same expression in 2007, but it was Anna from Big Brother in 2006 that first coined the phrase. Big Brother even had T-shirts made up with the expression, although they misspelt 'Molls' as 'Moles'. The wannabes on ANTM must have been BB fans. Surprise, Surprise.

by Levendis on September 17, 2008 at 08:41 AM

I remember for one series of the British reality show Shipwrecked, they invited Aussies and Yanks to play along with the Poms. One of the taunts that the Poms used on the Aussies was 'Rack Off, Bouncer!" which was a quote that they had picked up from Neighbours, which was something Joe Mangel often said to his internationally famous pet dog.

by phet on September 18, 2008 at 03:11 PM

My favourite Kath & Kim lines are not oft-quoted in homes across Australia, but I think much cleverer than "nice, different, unusual". One is the debate with Kylie Minogue about how to pronounce Chardonnay - Kylie settles it by informing Kath 'I've lived in France, the 'h' is definitely silent'. Another, when Kim is renovating her unit and out furniture shopping, says to Kath "I've got the concept for the new kitchen. We've decided we want solid monogamy!" To which her Mum replies "Oh no, monogamy's so old fashioned. You just need a veneer of monogamy. That's all people care about". Or out looking for a house to buy Kim corrects Brett's assertion about location, location location - "You've got it all wrong Brett, you buy the best house in the worst street so you can lord it over people!". Finally, 'sweet nothings to whisper in your guy's ear' (Kim's advice to Sharon before a date) - "nuh"; "you are!" or "give it a bone" - apparently they never fail!

by Leah Rayner on September 19, 2008 at 11:41 AM

Agree with you TM, most of the remembered lines are catchphrases. Apart from Yes Minister, which is English of course, I can't think of the top of my head, any lengthy script writing of Australian shows. There is the High Court case in The Castle which has a nice speech or two and some of John Clarke & Bruce Daw's interviews for 7.30 report (Ok Clarke is a New Zealander but we've adopted him as "ours" ) People remember the catchphrases better which is what marketing & advertising has been based on for centuries :)

by kate on September 19, 2008 at 04:01 PM

I must confess I am a massive Kath & Kim fan and I have to nominate 2 lines;
(Kath and Kel walking down the isle at their backyard wedding and Kim throwing rice at them as they pass)
Kim: Its rice mum, its traditional
Kath: Well you didn't have to cook it!
(the chardonnay episode, at Brett's staff party Kim is drunk and indignant and exclaims after a little argument about the pronunciation of chardonnay, soft C or hard C, Kim pronounces this all in soft C)
Kim: fine, its chardonnay, chardonnay, you pack of chunts!

by Luc on September 21, 2008 at 07:02 AM

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