The Tribal Mind: The envelopes please

Wednesday May 9, 2007 04:08 PM

Who We Are

by David Dale
It's Logies week, when Australian television celebrates a year of excellence. It's also Bogies week, when Australian viewers vent their rage for decades of being taken for granted. This column asked for your nominations and then your verdict, and 132 readers responded. In a totally transparent process (which you can observe by going here) the voting went like this ...

Most annoying person. Mike Munro got 3 votes; Sonia Kruger 3; Bindi Irwin 6; Andrew O'Keefe 9; David Koch 20. And the winner, with 54 votes, is Kyle Sandilands.

Most offputting commercial. The Coco Pops ad in which two turds with French accents harass a housewife 7; "the one where the girl is accompanied by a beaver" 18; "the one where the tongue leaves the body in search of a drink" 29. And the winner, with 30 votes, is the series of Commonwealth Bank ads, particularly the Mad Max koala.

Most unnecessary program. 20 to 1 3; The Mint 5; Rules of Engagement 7; The Power of Ten 12; Animal Emergency 19. And the winner, with 29 votes, is Out of the Question.

Most unnecessary personality. Lara Bingle 3; Grant Denyer 5; Karl Stefanovic 7; Candice Falzon 10; Richard Reid (gossip reporter for Nine's Today) 10; The Sunrise "family" 22. And the winner, with 35 votes, is Jackie O.

Most unnecessary adaptation of an overseas show. Big Brother 3; 60 Minutes 4; The Chopping Block 4. And the winner, with 39 votes, before it has even started, is Top Gear Australia.

Most overhyped. Desperate Housewives 2; Border Security 2; Underbelly 2; The Moment of Truth 3; the Neighbours relaunch 3; Dirty Sexy Money 4; Australia's Next Top Model 7; Big Brother 8; Grey's Anatomy 16. And the winner, with 36 votes, is Cashmere Mafia.

Most Underrated. Nip/ Tuck 2; Robin Hood 2; Jekyll 2; Brothers and Sisters 2; Burn Notice 5; 30 Rock 6; Lost 7; East-West 101 9; Big Love 11; Boston Legal 18; Newstopia 19. And the winner, with 24 votes, is Life on Mars.

Most jerked around by the networks. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles 2; Torchwood 2; Family Guy 2; The Sopranos 2; Battlestar Galactica 3; Stargate 4; 30 Rock 5; ER 6; Veronica Mars 7; Weeds 9. And the winner, with 32 votes, is Scrubs.

Most missed. Doctor Who 2; The Sopranos 2; Buffy 2; Uninterrupted programs on SBS 4; The Glasshouse 4; The Games 5; The West Wing 6; Summer Heights High 6. And the winner, with 36 votes, is The Chaser's War on Everything.

Most repeated. Mean Girls 2; MASH 2; About a Boy 3; Border Security 3; anything with Gordon Ramsay 4; Friends 4; Bridget Jones 9; CSI 12; Love Actually 13. And the winner, with 29 votes, is The Simpsons.

Worst network. SBS 3; Seven 10; Ten 10. And the winner, with 59 votes, is Channel Nine.

Most surprisingly smooth skin. Juanita Phillips 4; Anne Sanders 5; Marcia Cross 5; Catriona Rowntree 5; Richard Reid 8; Sigrid Thornton 11; Sandra Sully 15. And the winner, with 16 votes, is Kerri-Anne Kennerly.

Most embarrassing program (the Naomi Robson Cup). The Sunrise special with Guy Sebastian 6; My Kid's A Star 7; The Mint 7; The Biggest Loser 8; The Wedge 8; Monster House 10; The Footy Show 18; And the joint winners, each with 22 votes, are Today Tonight and A Current Affair.

Furthest past use-by date (the Bert Newton Trophy). Catriona Rowntree 2; Barry Humphries (in any incarnation) 3; Ray Martin 6; Paul Vautin 8; Sam Newman 12; Kyle and Jackie O 14; Richard Wilkins 16. And the winner, with 21 votes, is Daryl Somers.

The Black Bogie (the Eddie McGuire Chalice). David Koch 25; Richard Wilkins 28. And the winner, with 39 votes, is Kyle Sandilands.

And a special award for the reader who made the greatest contribution is shared between Grant James, who suggested the idea of The Bogies, and Patricia, who wrote:

"How bitchy some people can be! How do they know about all these programs and presenters they dislike if they don't watch them? 'Unnecessary' programs and personalities can be controlled by the off switch - it's very simple! I haven't watched Animal Emergency but anything that increases compassion to the other inhabitants of our planet sounds like a good idea to me. I enjoyed The Chaser but it was due for a break as nothing is more tiring bordering on dangerous than tired satire. SBS is great, though you have to select programs. Leave beautiful clever Juanita alone. Most of all there are other things to do beside watching telly - find out about some of them!"

Let that be a lesson to you.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

COMMENTS

God Sandilands is an idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Adam (Sydney) on April 27, 2008 at 09:44 PM

Most offputting commercial. "the one where the tongue leaves the body in search of a drink" 29
Was this even shown this year? Its like 2-3 years old now.

by Carl on April 28, 2008 at 07:55 AM

That was worth changing out of the pants-suit for!

by Cat on April 28, 2008 at 08:24 AM

Congratulations to all the winners - and the timing couldn't be better - VILE SANDILANDS gets the coveted Black Bogie on the same day he makes his long waited debut as host of BIG BROTHER - could it be an omen. Good to see his sidekick (and that's a compliment) Jackie O getting the nod for most unnecessary personaility - all in all a good result for the dynamic duo of VILE and Miss O - will be watching BB tonight with morbid curiosity just to see how these two manage to botch another show!

by Grant James on April 28, 2008 at 08:29 AM

Sandilands is such an idiot he thinks that this kind of publicity is good!!!
The only time he realises he is hated by everybody is when he is by himself.

by Chevive7 on April 28, 2008 at 08:33 AM

There is a category overlooked here; Most Generally Annoying & Distracting Practice Employed By A Network.
And the equal winners are... Ch7 for it's bottom of screen 'pop-ups' and pull-throughs promoting whatever, that seem to take up 1/4 of the screen & Ch9 that run so many of the damn things ('you're watching'... 'back soon'... 'up next'... 'don't miss'...) that you feel like you are watching a cable-news programme.
Ch7 also deserves a dishonourable mention for making it impossible to watch the credits of a movie as this 45 seconds is apparently now critical advertising space.

by Rex on April 28, 2008 at 08:47 AM

I reckon this comp would have got more votes if there had been some sort of form to fill out, rather than each voter having to manually type in each category and their nomination. I know - lazy - but in this world it's just how it is! Maybe an idea for 2009....

Tribal Mind replies: Probably you are right, but since it took me two days to process the 132 entries, I'm not keen on anything that would take up more of my time. I think we got a good selection of dedicated viewers.

by NK on April 28, 2008 at 08:51 AM

Rex, Channel 10 is guilty of the credits thing too - it's really annoying, especially after some Simpsons episodes where there is stuff happening in the credits (like the Rolling Stones one where you get to see people like Mick Jagger, Keith, Lenny Kravitz etc doing their voice recording, but oh no, we have to see what is happening on the next episode of Law and Order, the Biggest Loser or Neighbours!)

by Beckala on April 28, 2008 at 09:09 AM

Vile is a worthy winner of the coveted Black Bogie. As are all of the other winners.

Thanks for letting us annoyed viewers vent our spleen in this way, TM!

by em on April 28, 2008 at 09:38 AM

Nein were guilty of the credits thing too! On Sat Night, after the latest HP, I was scanning the screen to see David Tennant's name as he wasn't in the starring credits (must have been before Doctor Who). They scrunched up the credits for some crap ad, and they rolled so fast didn't see it.
So I think 7,9 & 10 are all guilty of it.

by Bereft Skerrick on April 28, 2008 at 09:57 AM

why are "stiff and stiffer"; and the "leaky bladder" ads on sbs not nominated? It was bad enough that SBS started ads but these constant references to men's dodgy bits are the worst most irksome interruptions to viewing imaginable.

by jo on April 28, 2008 at 11:30 AM

It's quite astounding just how many people out there take what's on tv so seriously. All these complaints about late starts/late finishes/skipped episodes/no episodes blah blah blah. So you miss a tv show - big deal. Seen this episode before? Watch something else, or *shock horror* turn off the tv and do something else.

by Kate on April 28, 2008 at 12:30 PM

...Hopefully someone knock's Sandilands out on this series of BB

by Kyle is an Oxygen Thief on April 28, 2008 at 01:30 PM

Australian TV networks have become so irrelevant to me that I now use my set purely as a DVD machine.
Their "race to the bottom" has left them as a wafer of botoxed nonsense between print media and the web.

by Mike on April 28, 2008 at 02:03 PM

I agree with Rex, the category, "Most Generally Annoying & Distracting Practice Employed By A Network" is sorely needed:
- 'watermarks' is a big annoyance - get rid of them all!
- popups (almost annoying as SMHs full page-blocking popups)
- the fake-emotional/ethusiastic/loud voiceovers;
- the 90Kmph film credits squeezed down at the bottom of the screen while abovementioned voiceover shoved some other ad for another program down your throat.

by lynne on April 28, 2008 at 03:02 PM

Tribal Mind replies: Probably you are right, but since it took me two days to process the 132 entries, I'm not keen on anything that would take up more of my time. I think we got a good selection of dedicated viewers
"Dedicated viewers"? Anyone who thinks the tongue ad is still on tv and is still missing "The Games" has not watched a lot of TV in a very long time.
And to anyone who misses glasshouse, have you noticed that good news week is the exact same show but with points given out.

Tribal Mind asks: So what are you saying? Every other reader of this blog is an idiot, and only your comments should be published?

by Jason on April 28, 2008 at 03:47 PM

I am surprised Outrageous Fortune did not get a mention in the most jerked around catagory. The best show on Aus Tv in years has been treated very badly. At least I can get it on DVD now, so nine and ten can go jump.

Tribal Mind wonders: Could ut be something un the NZ eccent, do you thunk, thet profoundly urrutates Australians?

by Geoff on April 28, 2008 at 03:53 PM

Worst tv terminology - All brand new programs. Surely they are new or repeats. Its like being half pregnant!!

by KaH on April 28, 2008 at 05:01 PM

David Koch is the biggets loser closley followed by sam newman. Kyle's a boy compared to these 2 w######kers!

by cynical on April 28, 2008 at 06:28 PM

Can't believe people still watch television.

Tribal Mind remarks ... or take the trouble to write to blogs about television, but thanks.

by tony on April 28, 2008 at 07:16 PM

yes Kyle Sandilands is weird - who does he think he is?
No real personality - and sadly has a body shaped like a refrigerator.

by Andy on April 28, 2008 at 08:46 PM

by Kate on April 28, 2008 at 12:30 PM

My my my kate - is there something so wrong in providing feedback on what we should expect to see on Australian TV - this is a multi billion dollar industry and the TV executives aren't exactly slumming it - why shouldn't we complain when programs are changed or run late or are repeated - we just don't winge by the way either - we do praise the networks and their exec's if they screen a new show, on time that isn't a repeat and that deserves a mention.

by GJ on April 29, 2008 at 09:49 AM

Unfortunately it's not as easy as Patricia suggests. A little thing called saturation advertising (plus 10 uses subliminal) means you are exposed to these annoying shows and celebrities during the ad breaks.

by Jase on May 04, 2008 at 11:38 AM

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Who We Are

The Tribal Mind: The envelopes please

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