The Sun-Herald

WHO WE ARE: The slogan that never sleeps

For the answers to the cultural literacy test, go to The Tribal Mind

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 6/4/2008
What the bloody hell is going on? On September 13 last year, the NSW Tourism Minister, Matt Brown, announced that the slogan for Sydney would become "City of Celebrations". He said: "With this particular campaign, we're targeting mainly our domestic visitors - people in Queensland, people in Victoria, as well as regional New South Wales. This city has it all."

On April 1 this year, the NSW Tourism Minister, still Matt Brown, announced that the slogan for Sydney would become "Designed to inspire". He said: "We need to get out into the market, we need to let the rest of the country and the rest of our state know that Sydney is a wonderful place to visit and invest."

What next - "Sydney: the city that changes its mind every six months"?

You can understand the thinking, though. NSW wants to get on the slogan-change bandwagon started by the federal government, which announced, soon after taking office, that it would dump "Where the bloody hell are you?" (and its plaintive adaptation for Japan -- "Why don't you come?").

"City of Celebrations" was pretty lame. But the new one is absurd. If there's one thing Sydney is not, it's "designed". It's a town that grew up higgledy piggledy. The randomness of its streets and buildings is part of the fun. The slogan would make much more sense for Canberra, but they seem boringly content with "The nation's capital".

This column was designed to inspire, so today we're going to suggest some better slogans for Sydney.

Sure, they're ripped off from other cities, but nobody will mind. "Live It. Love It." was originally used by Hong Kong, but now it's also the slogan for Leeds in Britain. Here are some candidates which, with marginal adaptation, could sell Sydney to the world:

Lose yourself in Melbourne
Adelaide Alive
Seven Miles from Sydney, a Thousand Miles from Care
Surprising Singapore
Uniquely Manchester
New Orleans: The Big Easy
New York: Capital of the World
Totally LondON (as opposed to "Totally LondOFF").

And a bunch of smaller towns in the US ...
Anchorage: City of Lights
Atlanta: World's Next International City
Bonsall: The Bridge To Paradise
Boston: The Hub of The Universe
Clarkson Valley: Less Government is Good Government
Coconut Creek: Butterfly Capital of the world
Las Vegas: Entertainment Capital of the World
Martinsville: A City Without Limits
Morgan City: Jumbo Shrimp Capital of the World
Nashville: The Music City
Pensacola: Just Do It!
Philadelphia: The City Of Brotherly Love
Sante Fe: The City Different
Whittemore: Cares More, Shares More.

And a bunch of smaller places in Britain ...
Birmingham: The Global City With The Local Heart
Cheshire: Stay. Explore. Relax. Indulge
Edinburgh: Inspiring capital.
Liverpool: The world in one city
Mid-Wales: Because mid-Wales is as unique as you are
Newcastle: World-class culture
Norwich: A fine city
Nottinghamshire: Our Style is Legendary
Peterborough: A city to surprise and delight you
Southport: Day time, night time, great time.
Tweeddale: Adventure, activity, culture, tranquility
Warwick: Experience The Past, Taste The Future
Worcester: An Ancient City with a Modern Outlook.

Ah hell, why don't we just go with "Sydney: The City Without A Slogan".

To learn which is better -- Melbourne or Sydney, go to Who We Are
David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in Who We Are at 08:50 PM
• Comments (83)

WHO WE ARE: A city that can't be beat

To discuss the lyrics of Macarthur Park, go to The Tribal Mind.
A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 30/3/2008
At last we have the definitive answer to a question that has plagued this nation for 150 years: which is better - Melbourne or Sydney? The once fierce competition between the two capitals has mellowed in recent years into a polite agreement that they are "different but equal" - that Melbourne's deficiencies in scenery are balanced by its advances in sophisticated lifestyle, that Sydney's shallowness is balanced by its energy, etc. To me, this is wimpy and tokenistic. I want a winner - even if that demand betrays my Sydney upbringing.

And now I can get my wish. The Bureau of Statistics has just released a set of social atlases for every capital city in Australia, based on data collected in the 2006 census. I've been over the Sydney and Melbourne atlases with a microscope and come up with comparisons that unlock the essential mysteries. Here they are ...

Who is richer? Earning more than $2000 a week after tax: 27.2 per cent of Sydney households, 20.7 per cent of Melbourne households. Earning less than $500 a week after tax: 20.1 per cent of Melbourne households, 18.2 per cent of Sydney households. Unemployed: 5.4 per cent of the Melbourne workforce, 5.2 per cent of the Sydney workforce. But then again, in Melbourne 37.1 per cent of homes are being purchased by their occupants, compared with 33.7 per cent of Sydney homes.

Who is more ethnically diverse? People born overseas: 37.0 per cent of Sydney's population, 31.6 per cent of Melbourne's. People who arrived from overseas since 2001: 6.9 per cent of Sydney's population, 5.7 per cent of Melbourne's. Indigenous people: 1.0 per cent of Sydney's population, 0.4 per cent of Melbourne's.

Who is better educated? Holding at least one university degree: 30.5 per cent of the workforce in Sydney; 28.5 per cent in Melbourne.

Who is younger? Aged under 5: 6.6 per cent of Sydney people and 6.3 per cent of Melbourne people. Aged over 75: 6.4 per cent in Melbourne, 5.9 per cent in Sydney.

Who is kinder? People over 15 who do unpaid volunteer work: 17.1 per cent in Melbourne, 16.2 per cent in Sydney.

Who is more traditional? In Sydney, 42.5 per cent of families consist of a couple with no dependent children, while in Melbourne the figure is 43.5 per cent. In Sydney 9.7 per cent of families have only one parent living with kids. In Melbourne the figure is 9.9 per cent. So, classic family structure (mum, dad, kids, not necessarily with white picket fence): 47.8 per cent in Sydney, 46.6 per cent in Melbourne.

Who is more eco-conscious? Taking public transport to work: 21.7 per cent in Sydney, 13.9 per cent in Melbourne.

Who is more snobbish? Attending private schools: 39.2 per cent of kids in Sydney, 38.7 per cent in Melbourne.

Who is more tech-savvy? Homes with broadband internet connection: 50.8 per cent in Sydney, 46.5 per cent in Melbourne.

Who is growing faster? Melbourne's population (3.467 million) grew 6.5 per cent since 2001. Sydney's population (3.645m) grew 4.1 per cent. But population density: 2058 people per square kilometre in Sydney, 1532 people per square kilometre in Melbourne.

Who is lonelier? People over 15 living alone: 10.6 per cent in Melbourne, 9.8 per cent in Sydney.

Now you know which is the the more interesting city. Tell us why, here ...

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in Who We Are at 12:32 AM
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The Tribal Mind: Thinking of you and wondering why

To learn which city is better -- Melbourne or Sydney, go to Who We Are

by David Dale
The word "shibboleth" has come to mean a platitude or slogan or statement of belief which fails to stand up to close examination. Examples of shibboleths passed down to us from the 20th century include that Diana Spencer was murdered by MI5, Harold Holt was taken by a Chinese submarine, the real shooter was on the grassy knoll, Gough Whitlam was the victim of a CIA plot, Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds was written to promote drug-taking, and Pauline Hanson represented the silent majority. Today I want to tackle the most annoying shibboleth in popular culture -- that the song MacArthur Park is a model of pretentious incomprehensibility.

The only mystery about the lyrics of MacArthur Park is why people keep saying they are a mystery. It shouldn't be necessary to explain them, but their author, Jimmy Webb (who also wrote By The Time I Get To Phoenix, Up Up and Away and Wichita Lineman), is performing at Sydney's Enmore Theatre next week, giving a new generation of disc jockeys the opportunity to joke about cakes left out in the rain and passion flowing like rivers through the sky.

I have never spoken to Webb, but I have visited MacArthur Park in central Los Angeles (mistakenly pronounced "MacArthur's Park" by Richard Harris after a few whiskies). When I saw it, there were no birds like tender babies or old men playing checkers by the trees. The inhabitants were mainly homeless people and drug dealers. Clearly the environment was more salubrious when Webb was inspired to make it a metaphor for lost love.

Amidst the park's greenery is an amphitheatre that looks like an inverted wedding cake. That's all you need to know.

Verse one is a flashback about the beginning of the affair. Being pressed in love's hot fevered iron like a striped pair of pants sounds uncomfortable, but no songwriter has come up with a fresher way to describe sexual obsession.

Then we reach the chorus that causes all the trouble: "MacArthur Park is melting in the dark, all the sweet green icing flowing down. Someone left the cake out in the rain. I don't think that I can take it, 'cos it took so long to bake it, and I'll never have that recipe again."

The narrator has returned at night to the park where he used to meet his sweetheart. Through his tears, it looks like a wedding cake dissolving in the rain. The romance which took so long to develop is over, and he doesn't think he'll ever love like that again.

The narrator cheers up later in the song, and concedes that he will find other lovers and hot passions (possibly in a plane). But he'll always wonder what went wrong with the park-based relationship.

What could be simpler?

If you have a different view about what MacArthur Park means, or you'd care to nominate other great shibboleths of the 20th century, click on "Comments" ...

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 10:16 AM
• Comments (31)

The Who We Are Update: Week 17

To learn how the tastes of Melbourne differ from the tastes of Sydney, go to The Tribal Mind
To discuss the best Australian movie ever made, go to Who We Are

This week of the blog is now a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. For the latest discussion of TV trends, go here

What Australia watched, Friday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,446,000 431,000 371,000 274,000 143,000 227,000
2 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,443,000 428,000 445,000 223,000 147,000 199,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,361,000 412,000 366,000 224,000 135,000 223,000
4 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT ABC 1,223,000 375,000 366,000 212,000 123,000 146,000
5 NINE NEWS Nine 1,176,000 317,000 367,000 247,000 131,000 114,000
6 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,124,000 287,000 361,000 252,000 119,000 104,000
7 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,115,000 323,000 309,000 201,000 112,000 170,000
8 ABC NEWS ABC 1,079,000 329,000 303,000 215,000 101,000 131,000
9 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,045,000 285,000 323,000 199,000 104,000 133,000
16 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 5: ST KILDA VS ESSENDON Seven 771,000 30,000 481,000 15,000 122,000 124,000
20 NINE'S LIVE FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 673,000 372,000 301,000
22 SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE RPT Ten 541,000 173,000 139,000 76,000 70,000 84,000
33 NINE'S FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 401,000 262,000 139,000

What Australia watched, Thursday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 RAMSAY'S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES -RPT Nine 1,628,000 484,000 560,000 219,000 165,000 200,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,385,000 417,000 318,000 271,000 144,000 236,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,325,000 360,000 358,000 267,000 122,000 219,000
4 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,274,000 347,000 373,000 235,000 138,000 181,000
5 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,252,000 372,000 301,000 264,000 132,000 183,000
6 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,250,000 346,000 403,000 262,000 131,000 108,000
7 NINE NEWS Nine 1,224,000 304,000 409,000 268,000 134,000 110,000
8 THE FOOTY SHOW Nine 1,204,000 293,000 480,000 186,000 119,000 125,000
9 GETAWAY Nine 1,194,000 378,000 346,000 229,000 114,000 127,000
10 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER Seven 1,172,000 328,000 302,000 259,000 115,000 168,000
11 LAW AND ORDER: SVU Ten 1,047,000 282,000 327,000 216,000 93,000 129,000
15 GHOST WHISPERER Seven 950,000 319,000 223,000 181,000 100,000 128,000
16 MEDIUM Ten 925,000 233,000 263,000 190,000 96,000 143,000
17 THAT '70S SHOW Seven 900,000 241,000 246,000 184,000 94,000 135,000
23 LOST Seven 689,000 222,000 191,000 111,000 86,000 79,000
30 FAMILY GUY Seven 505,000 165,000 147,000 71,000 52,000 70,000
34 AMERICAN DAD Seven 420,000 131,000 129,000 55,000 52,000 54,000
47 STOCKINGER SBS 284,000 88,000 80,000 53,000 30,000 32,000
53 STARGATE ATLANTIS Seven 258,000 84,000 70,000 36,000 31,000 37,000

The ratings race, updated 10 am Thursday
Despite multiple repeats of the first episode, designed to raise curiosity, My Kid's A Star did even worse in its second outing (and would be axed if Nine had anything to replace it). But the new melodrama Canal Road offered Nine some compensation with a strong performance for a 9.30pm slot. At this point, Nine is averaging 27.1 per cent of the prime time audience, with Seven on 28.3, Ten on 23.5, ABC on 15.6 and SBS on 5.6.

What Australia watched, Wednesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,672,000 416,000 436,000 366,000 202,000 252,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,534,000 378,000 430,000 309,000 167,000 249,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,409,000 358,000 385,000 268,000 157,000 239,000
4 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,304,000 358,000 312,000 284,000 154,000 196,000
5 THE REAL SEACHANGE Seven 1,267,000 327,000 354,000 253,000 138,000 195,000
6 UNDERBELLY Nine 1,247,000 531,000 Not shown 312,000 163,000 240,000
7 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 1,168,000 324,000 345,000 237,000 130,000 132,000
8 NINE NEWS Nine 1,163,000 334,000 337,000 248,000 131,000 113,000
9 ABC NEWS ABC 1,150,000 321,000 344,000 218,000 122,000 145,000
10 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,143,000 279,000 402,000 188,000 129,000 145,000
11 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,086,000 285,000 351,000 231,000 115,000 104,000
12 CANAL ROAD Nine 1,084,000 309,000 355,000 159,000 106,000 156,000
13 HOUSE RPT Ten 1,028,000 268,000 337,000 181,000 103,000 140,000
14 BACK TO YOU Ten 1,025,000 280,000 306,000 210,000 97,000 131,000
22 NEIGHBOURS Ten 795,000 184,000 246,000 145,000 90,000 129,000
23 THE IT CROWD ABC 784,000 206,000 243,000 143,000 79,000 112,000
24 MY KID'S A STAR Nine 780,000 215,000 255,000 140,000 71,000 99,000
68 LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN Ten 206,000 70,000 54,000 35,000 25,000 23,000
75 NEWSTOPIA SBS 190,000 64,000 62,000 29,000 17,000 19,000

What Australia watched, Tuesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,590,000 437,000 490,000 308,000 162,000 193,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,516,000 381,000 408,000 321,000 168,000 239,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,481,000 350,000 434,000 296,000 153,000 249,000
4 RAMSAY'S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES Nine 1,440,000 386,000 559,000 191,000 151,000 154,000
5 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,360,000 365,000 443,000 246,000 155,000 151,000
6 IT TAKES TWO Seven 1,355,000 385,000 400,000 255,000 126,000 189,000
7 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,317,000 369,000 319,000 258,000 153,000 217,000
8 NCIS Ten 1,278,000 330,000 352,000 259,000 143,000 194,000
9 ABC NEWS ABC 1,247,000 366,000 370,000 255,000 111,000 145,000
10 NINE NEWS Nine 1,213,000 315,000 382,000 253,000 152,000 111,000
11 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,196,000 294,000 387,000 257,000 140,000 119,000
12 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,178,000 320,000 385,000 163,000 136,000 174,000
14 LADETTE TO LADY Nine 927,000 306,000 309,000 106,000 99,000 106,000
20 THE HUNT FOR HMAS SYDNEY ABC 818,000 279,000 188,000 159,000 76,000 115,000
21 NEIGHBOURS Ten 783,000 195,000 245,000 155,000 101,000 87,000
22 THE MOMENT OF TRUTH Nine 741,000 167,000 252,000 142,000 95,000 85,000
34 TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES Nine 433,000 129,000 130,000 68,000 55,000 51,000
36 SUNRISE Seven 397,000 132,000 82,000 102,000 29,000 51,000
43 TODAY Nine 296,000 81,000 111,000 43,000 22,000 38,000
49 THOSE SCURVY RASCALS ABC 273,000 67,000 80,000 76,000 25,000 25,000
65 BUSH'S WAR PART 3 SBS 204,000 95,000 47,000 31,000 14,000 17,000
69 BUSH'S WAR PART 4 SBS 198,000 87,000 48,000 22,000 26,000 14,000

The ratings race, updated 10 am Tuesday
Channel Nine's new documentary Life In Cold Blood pulled 600,000 more viewers than the show it replaced, The Power of Ten, and has set Nine up with a very good chance of winning the week.

What Australia watched, Monday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BORDER SECURITY (R) Seven 1,584,000 431,000 477,000 290,000 151,000 236,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,582,000 415,000 431,000 314,000 170,000 251,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,469,000 385,000 399,000 278,000 162,000 244,000
4 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,384,000 359,000 362,000 294,000 149,000 220,000
5 DAVID ATTENBOROUGH'S - LIFE IN COLD BLOOD Nine 1,301,000 356,000 374,000 277,000 126,000 168,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,288,000 336,000 397,000 287,000 158,000 110,000
7 SEA PATROL II - THE COUP Nine 1,269,000 345,000 320,000 255,000 154,000 196,000
8 SCU: SERIOUS CRASH UNIT Seven 1,260,000 293,000 413,000 232,000 122,000 201,000
9 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 1,241,000 379,000 412,000 174,000 112,000 164,000
10 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,226,000 314,000 409,000 268,000 133,000 102,000
12 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - RESULTS Ten 1,164,000 344,000 375,000 225,000 116,000 105,000
16 MORE THAN ENOUGH ROPE ABC 975,000 272,000 337,000 161,000 81,000 125,000
17 CSI: NY Nine 950,000 273,000 256,000 147,000 141,000 133,000
19 AUSTRALIAN STORY ABC 878,000 257,000 245,000 184,000 71,000 122,000
20 NEIGHBOURS Ten 851,000 172,000 280,000 181,000 103,000 115,000
22 FOUR CORNERS ABC 759,000 250,000 206,000 154,000 57,000 93,000
26 DIRTY SEXY MONEY Seven 728,000 203,000 267,000 103,000 75,000 80,000
28 LAW & ORDER Ten 678,000 174,000 229,000 118,000 78,000 78,000
29 MYTHBUSTERS RPT SBS 526,000 173,000 166,000 80,000 50,000 56,000
31 BOSTON LEGAL (R) Seven 485,000 139,000 174,000 63,000 53,000 56,000
40 FOOTY CLASSIFIED Nine 344,000 Not shown 214,000 Not shown 69,000 61,000
42 SUNRISE Seven 328,000 123,000 77,000 60,000 26,000 43,000
47 TODAY Nine 285,000 76,000 100,000 55,000 19,000 33,000
55 30 ROCK Seven 256,000 84,000 90,000 32,000 25,000 24,000

The ratings race, updated 2pm Monday
Life in Cold Blood might describe a typical day in the programming department at Channel Nine, but it's actually the name of the program hastily rushed to air to replace The Power of Ten, a game show axed by Nine after it got a mere 521,000 viewers last Monday.

That was Nine's second big axing of the year (the first had been Monster House) and Nine was looking at a third when Wednesday's ratings arrived, showing that the much publicised My Kid's A Star could manage only 878,000 in the mainland capitals. It may be dawning on Nine that Australians don't like shows in which people are humiliated.

The only content working consistently for Nine now is Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and Underbelly (which it can't play in Nelbourne). Seven's Gladiators lost 300,000 from its opening night, but still remained among the week's most watched shows, as you can see below.

The ABC pulled 1.33m for Steve Irwin's father on Australian Story and SBS got 480,000 for China's Great Wall. Pay TV's most watched in the week to Friday were a rugby league match between Wests Tigers and Panthers (244,000) and an AFL match between Adelaide and Port Adelaide (238,000).

What Australia watched, Sunday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,726,000 392,000 538,000 363,000 203,000 231,000
2 60 MINUTES Nine 1,543,000 403,000 497,000 323,000 123,000 196,000
3 CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION Nine 1,476,000 387,000 443,000 277,000 172,000 197,000
4 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Ten 1,476,000 487,000 465,000 260,000 137,000 126,000
5 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,429,000 389,000 444,000 321,000 168,000 106,000
6 GLADIATORS Seven 1,427,000 399,000 434,000 259,000 172,000 162,000
7 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WEIGH-IN Ten 1,208,000 390,000 370,000 206,000 131,000 111,000
8 ANIMAL EMERGENCY Nine 1,123,000 258,000 328,000 256,000 115,000 166,000
9 RFDS: ROYAL FLYING DOCTOR SERVICE Nine 1,120,000 254,000 342,000 254,000 114,000 155,000
10 ABC NEWS-SUN ABC 1,108,000 336,000 294,000 203,000 118,000 156,000
11 GREY'S ANATOMY Seven 1,103,000 329,000 344,000 198,000 115,000 117,000
12 WITHOUT A TRACE Nine 1,093,000 271,000 342,000 183,000 138,000 159,000
13 POLICE FILES - UNLOCKED Seven 1,071,000 274,000 317,000 160,000 148,000 173,000
14 MY NAME IS EARL Seven 1,059,000 321,000 288,000 177,000 135,000 138,000
15 ROVE Ten 1,049,000 316,000 335,000 171,000 100,000 127,000
16 BROTHERS & SISTERS Seven 900,000 254,000 309,000 155,000 94,000 88,000
19 ROBIN HOOD ABC 785,000 223,000 219,000 152,000 82,000 108,000
20 EAST OF EVERYTHING ABC 743,000 229,000 221,000 129,000 64,000 100,000
21 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 4: CARLTON VS COLLINGWOOD Seven 682,000 81,000 400,000 53,000 137,000 11,000
24 NINE'S SUNDAY FOOTBALL Nine 520,000 239,000 259,000 22,000
32 THE SUNDAY FOOTY SHOW Nine 388,000 80,000 162,000 62,000 50,000 34,000
37 GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK SBS 278,000 84,000 85,000 29,000 39,000 40,000
39 SUBURBAN SECRETS Seven 246,000 94,000 70,000 50,000 32,000
40 MY KID'S A STAR Rpt Nine 236,000 78,000 72,000 55,000 31,000
41 GARDENING AUSTRALIA RPT ABC 229,000 59,000 79,000 44,000 20,000 28,000
49 AUSTRALIAN SURF LIFESAVING CHAMPIONSHIPS Nine 214,000 89,000 48,000 44,000 15,000 19,000
59 GILMORE GIRLS Nine 180,000 Not shown 106,000 Not shown 36,000 39,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, week ending April 12
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BORDER SECURITY (R) Seven 1,799,000 538,000 473,000 347,000 209,000 232,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,791,000 410,000 502,000 410,000 239,000 229,000
3 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,619,000 489,000 489,000 273,000 183,000 184,000
4 GLADIATORS Seven 1,579,000 378,000 496,000 319,000 209,000 176,000
5 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,561,000 413,000 445,000 304,000 170,000 229,000
6 RAMSAY'S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES Nine 1,552,000 431,000 531,000 221,000 179,000 190,000
7 60 MINUTES Nine 1,509,000 442,000 419,000 317,000 127,000 203,000
8 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,464,000 392,000 380,000 302,000 157,000 234,000
9 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,443,000 440,000 429,000 241,000 145,000 188,000
10 SCU: SERIOUS CRASH UNIT Seven 1,392,000 372,000 376,000 278,000 173,000 193,000
11 KITCHEN NIGHTMARES U.S.A. Nine 1,391,000 393,000 489,000 185,000 150,000 175,000
12 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,380,000 374,000 375,000 258,000 148,000 224,000
13 NCIS Ten 1,368,000 361,000 345,000 305,000 170,000 188,000
14 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Ten 1,357,000 383,000 455,000 265,000 125,000 128,000
15 AUSTRALIAN STORY ABC 1,327,000 414,000 358,000 308,000 98,000 149,000
16 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,318,000 412,000 420,000 253,000 139,000 95,000
17 CSI Nine 1,296,000 355,000 332,000 263,000 173,000 173,000
18 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,279,000 365,000 358,000 257,000 139,000 159,000
19 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,267,000 357,000 330,000 265,000 132,000 183,000
20 IT TAKES TWO Seven 1,264,000 363,000 384,000 248,000 115,000 155,000
21 DOC MARTIN ABC 1,256,000 393,000 310,000 269,000 131,000 152,000
22 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - RESULTS Ten 1,253,000 353,000 411,000 235,000 121,000 132,000
23 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WEIGH-IN Ten 1,248,000 358,000 423,000 225,000 114,000 127,000
24 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 1,232,000 350,000 372,000 236,000 116,000 160,000
25 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - ELIMINATION Ten 1,225,000 355,000 387,000 197,000 139,000 146,000
26 SEA PATROL II - THE COUP Nine 1,222,000 321,000 379,000 218,000 158,000 146,000
27 UNDERBELLY Nine 1,217,000 568,000 276,000 163,000 211,000
28 THE REAL SEACHANGE Seven 1,190,000 325,000 343,000 228,000 127,000 168,000
29 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,167,000 318,000 385,000 182,000 137,000 145,000
30 NINE NEWS Nine 1,160,000 298,000 380,000 257,000 128,000 98,000
31 HOUSE RPT Ten 1,154,000 282,000 377,000 201,000 142,000 153,000
32 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER Seven 1,144,000 343,000 294,000 243,000 115,000 149,000
33 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT ABC 1,137,000 338,000 340,000 193,000 125,000 141,000
34 ABC NEWS ABC 1,123,000 331,000 340,000 202,000 112,000 139,000
35 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,105,000 299,000 339,000 252,000 121,000 93,000
36 GETAWAY Nine 1,099,000 315,000 298,000 238,000 112,000 137,000
37 GREY'S ANATOMY Seven 1,084,000 312,000 348,000 188,000 125,000 111,000
38 HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS -RPT Nine 1,083,000 338,000 285,000 192,000 128,000 140,000
39 MY NAME IS EARL Seven 1,082,000 293,000 325,000 181,000 152,000 131,000
40 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,077,000 286,000 344,000 174,000 131,000 142,000
(OzTAM mainland capitals)

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in whoweare-index at 06:20 AM
• Comments (87)

The Tribal Mind: Great moments in trend spotting

To nominate displays for the Museum of Australian Failures, go to Who We Are.
For regular updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

by David Dale
The death last month of the English singer Mike Smith has made me wonder if I should revise a prediction I made a while back: that history would judge The Dave Clark Five to be more significant than The Beatles.

I made that prediction to my parents, when they offered to take me to see the Beatles at Sydney Stadium. I said The Mersey Beat was just a passing fad, and the ticket money would be better spent on bookings for The Dave Clark Five, whose Tottenham Sound clearly had a bigger future, what with Mike Smith's bluesy roar and Dave Clark's booming drums pushing along such lyrics as "All of your life now (all of your life) Till the ayend of time (end of time) Because this love now (because this love) Is gonna be yours and mine (yours and mine). Cos I'm feeling (thump thump) glad all over. Yes I'm-uh glad all over. Baby I'm (thump thump) glad all over. So glad you're mine."

In the ensuing years, as The DC5 faded from view, I became subject to regular ridicule from my cousins as the kid who had said no to Beatles tickets. That was the begining of my brilliant career as a trend spotter.

When two different video recording systems came out in the early 80s, I invested in Betamax, which was clearly technically superior to VHS. I stand by that analysis.

Around that time, working as a political journalist, I predicted that the first woman prime minister of Australia would be Susan Ryan, while the first woman leader of the Liberal Party would be Kathy Martin, who would defeat Susan Ryan and become the second woman prime minister of Australia. Both women are still alive, as far as I know, so I have not given up hope.

In 1994, when Liberal leader Alexander Downer got into trouble for making tasteless jokes, I went into print advising him to ignore the critics and put more jokes into his policy pronouncements. When the Liberals surprised me by replacing him with John Howard, I predicted Howard would lose the 1996 election and retire to work as a solicitor in North Sydney. But I thought he'd make a comeback in 2000, when Australia would become a republic and Prime Minister Keating, as a gesture of national reconciliation, would appoint Howard as our first president.

On March 12, The Dave Clark Five were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in New York (along with Madonna). At the ceremony, attended by the three surviving members pictured here -- Dave Clark (drums), Lenny Davidson (lead guitar) and Rick Huxley (bass) -- Clark said: "Mike tried desperately to be here tonight, but sadly he passed away just a few days ago. But at least he knows he's a Hall of Famer. Mike, you are with us in spirit, my friend, and always will be."

So The Dave Clark Five could rise again, once they find a new singer and keyboardist (Alan Price?). And when Australia becomes a republic in 2012, PM Turnbull, as a gesture of national reconciliation, will offer the first presidency to Paul Keating. Trust me, I can sense these things.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 06:39 AM
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WHO WE ARE: A festival of failure

To learn which city is better -- Melbourne or Sydney, go to Who We Are
For regular updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 23/3/2008
Now is not the time to be urging a new hall of fame for Australia. The poverty-stricken federal government, faced with a surplus of only $18 billion, has cancelled funding promised by the previous government for a Fishing Hall of Fame and a Rugby League Hall of Fame. They will not join the Sports Hall of Fame (Melbourne); the Stockman's Hall of Fame (Longreach, Queensland); the Prospectors and Miners Hall of Fame (Kalgoorlie, WA); and the Shearer's Hall of Fame (Hay, NSW) in celebrating rare Australian achievements.

But what, we wonder, might be the government's reaction to the notion of a Hall of Failure? Surely we can learn as much about the national psyche from the things that Australians refuse to do as from the things they do. And Australia is often described as a land that loves its losers - a national song about a suicidal sheep rustler, making a hero of a horse thief hanged after bungling a bank robbery, a public holiday for a military fiasco, etc.

My inspiration comes from an institution I visited a few years back in the town of Naples, New York - The Museum of Failed Products. For 30 years a marketing expert named Robert McMath has been collecting the offcuts of capitalism - wondrous potions, gadgets and taste treats that were launched with the highest hopes, only to be spurned by the customers and fade into oblivion.

McMath showed me hair shampoos called A Touch of Yoghurt and Gimme Cucumber; beverages called Panda Punch, Wallaby Squash, and Afrokola (a copy of Coke for black people); instant meals for lonely people, called Singles; green potato chips called "I Hate Peas"; and personal care products described as "edible deodorant" and "spray-on toothpaste".

He even shows a jar of Vegemite, the subject of a brief promotional campaign 20 years ago in America, but rejected as "too foreign-tasting".

So what might be on display in Australia's equivalent? We need look no further than the back catalogue of a company called K-Tel Products, which had huge success during the 1970s with the Feathertouch Knife, the Brush-o-Matic, the Record Selector, the Dial-o-Matic vegetable slicer and the Fishin' Magician. I asked Ken McDonald, the Managing Director at the time, to reveal his worst sellers. He chose three:

The Deggorator, which required you to place a boiled egg in a little lathe and turn a handle so a row of pens painted designs on the egg. Australians preferred chocolate eggs at Easter.

The Single Knitting Needle, a kind of crochet hook designed to let a woman knit with one hand and hold a cup of tea with the other. You needed a PhD in structural engineering to use it.

The Pop-up Cigarette Dispenser, which clung to your car dashboard. It had sold well in Canada, but in our climate, the plastic would melt and buckle, so the device delivered S-shaped cigarettes.

If you have kept any of these devices from the golden age of gadgetry, or if you'd like to suggest other candidates for Australia's Hall of Lame -- products, people or proposals, tell us below.

We might be able to launch this project without government help. And if nobody comes to visit our museum, we can say it's an exhibit in itself.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in Who We Are at 07:00 AM
• Comments (37)

The Who We Are update: Week 15

This week of the blog is now a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. To join the latest discussion, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To learn how Australians spend their spare time, go to The Tribal Mind

The ratings race, updated 10am Sunday
At this point in the week, the prime time audience shares are ABC 17.2% Seven 28.2% Nine 26.6% Ten 22.2% SBS 5.7%.

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,279,000 365,000 358,000 257,000 139,000 159,000
2 DOC MARTIN ABC 1,256,000 393,000 310,000 269,000 131,000 152,000
3 HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS -RPT Nine 1,083,000 338,000 285,000 192,000 128,000 140,000
4 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 1,055,000 292,000 255,000 229,000 132,000 147,000
5 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC 991,000 290,000 290,000 211,000 98,000 101,000
6 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 912,000 280,000 261,000 161,000 138,000 71,000
7 THE GREAT OUTDOORS Seven 869,000 257,000 269,000 168,000 95,000 81,000
8 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Ten 842,000 118,000 333,000 85,000 126,000 179,000
10 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SAT Ten 751,000 197,000 313,000 132,000 109,000
11 THE BILL ABC 739,000 218,000 180,000 147,000 71,000 123,000
12 MICHAEL PALIN'S NEW EUROPE Seven 738,000 216,000 226,000 125,000 60,000 111,000
14 LEWIS Seven 718,000 196,000 212,000 127,000 86,000 96,000
15 GARDENING AUSTRALIA ABC 678,000 181,000 204,000 140,000 91,000 64,000
16 SATURDAY AFTERNOON AFL Ten 608,000 68,000 306,000 40,000 100,000 95,000
19 TOP GEAR (SERIES 1) SBS 468,000 168,000 126,000 103,000 41,000 29,000
Continued here

What Australia watched, Friday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,443,000 440,000 429,000 241,000 145,000 188,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,368,000 412,000 336,000 264,000 146,000 210,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,283,000 353,000 346,000 235,000 141,000 208,000
4 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,149,000 321,000 304,000 245,000 118,000 162,000
5 NINE NEWS Nine 1,142,000 267,000 406,000 228,000 135,000 107,000
6 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT ABC 1,137,000 338,000 340,000 193,000 125,000 141,000
7 ABC NEWS ABC 1,089,000 325,000 333,000 176,000 127,000 129,000
8 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,067,000 307,000 328,000 218,000 123,000 91,000
13 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 4: ESSENDON VS WESTERN BULLDOGS Seven 788,000 13,000 472,000 20,000 143,000 141,000
16 NEIGHBOURS Ten 732,000 198,000 200,000 137,000 106,000 91,000
22 NINE'S LIVE FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 602,000 345,000 257,000
23 GRUMPY OLD WOMEN RPT ABC 557,000 153,000 167,000 102,000 67,000 67,000
31 NINE'S (NOT LIVE) FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 391,000 245,000 145,000

What Australia watched, Thursday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 RAMSAY'S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES Nine 1,542,000 429,000 525,000 221,000 176,000 190,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,402,000 354,000 366,000 328,000 142,000 212,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,369,000 374,000 364,000 278,000 139,000 214,000
4 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,220,000 378,000 274,000 269,000 116,000 183,000
5 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,146,000 295,000 405,000 171,000 133,000 143,000
6 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER Seven 1,144,000 343,000 294,000 243,000 115,000 149,000
7 ABC NEWS ABC 1,091,000 310,000 326,000 202,000 122,000 129,000
8 GETAWAY Nine 1,088,000 313,000 294,000 237,000 109,000 133,000
9 NINE NEWS Nine 1,081,000 291,000 332,000 254,000 108,000 97,000
10 THE FOOTY SHOW Nine 1,081,000 265,000 453,000 109,000 124,000 130,000
11 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,021,000 277,000 300,000 239,000 110,000 96,000
12 LAW AND ORDER: SVU Ten 959,000 276,000 287,000 175,000 93,000 128,000
15 SAMANTHA WHO? Seven 907,000 281,000 192,000 222,000 88,000 125,000
17 GHOST WHISPERER Seven 854,000 261,000 210,000 155,000 99,000 129,000
19 THE OASIS: AUSTRALIA'S HOMELESS YOUTH ABC 788,000 261,000 275,000 122,000 63,000 67,000
23 MEDIUM Ten 651,000 172,000 193,000 136,000 80,000 70,000
24 THE OASIS: AUSTRALIA'S HOMELESS YOUTH: DISCUSSION ABC 650,000 241,000 203,000 96,000 54,000 57,000
30 FAMILY GUY Seven 440,000 118,000 125,000 94,000 56,000 46,000
33 AMERICAN DAD Seven 406,000 117,000 124,000 76,000 44,000 44,000
What Australia watched, Wednesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,561,000 413,000 445,000 304,000 170,000 229,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,480,000 378,000 406,000 300,000 148,000 249,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,397,000 389,000 416,000 247,000 127,000 217,000
4 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,346,000 391,000 393,000 265,000 122,000 175,000
5 NINE NEWS Nine 1,238,000 330,000 412,000 276,000 125,000 94,000
6 UNDERBELLY Nine 1,219,000 571,000 Not shown 276,000 162,000 210,000
7 THE REAL SEACHANGE Seven 1,190,000 325,000 343,000 228,000 127,000 168,000
8 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,183,000 310,000 381,000 279,000 121,000 91,000
9 HOUSE RPT Ten 1,155,000 281,000 377,000 201,000 142,000 153,000
10 ABC NEWS ABC 1,115,000 335,000 350,000 188,000 93,000 149,000
11 BACK TO YOU Ten 1,058,000 248,000 316,000 230,000 130,000 134,000
12 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 1,052,000 277,000 348,000 194,000 112,000 120,000
18 MY KID'S A STAR Nine 878,000 299,000 269,000 131,000 77,000 101,000
51 CSI: MIAMI Nine 278,000 Not shown 278,000 Not shown Not shown Not shown
70 BANANAS IN PYJAMAS-AM ABC 196,000 49,000 58,000 58,000 14,000 16,000
72 BINDI: THE JUNGLE GIRL-AM ABC 191,000 43,000 45,000 32,000 25,000 46,000
75 NEWSTOPIA SBS 185,000 74,000 57,000 28,000 14,000 13,000

What Australia watched, Tuesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,603,000 483,000 486,000 268,000 182,000 183,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,498,000 421,000 376,000 302,000 170,000 230,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,419,000 403,000 360,000 255,000 163,000 238,000
4 NCIS Ten 1,385,000 368,000 351,000 306,000 171,000 190,000
5 KITCHEN NIGHTMARES U.S.A. Nine 1,380,000 391,000 485,000 184,000 146,000 174,000
6 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,329,000 381,000 418,000 209,000 158,000 164,000
7 IT TAKES TWO Seven 1,265,000 363,000 384,000 248,000 115,000 155,000
8 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,224,000 324,000 327,000 251,000 140,000 182,000
9 ABC NEWS ABC 1,176,000 332,000 342,000 248,000 104,000 150,000
10 NINE NEWS Nine 1,093,000 270,000 331,000 249,000 132,000 111,000
11 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,078,000 286,000 344,000 174,000 132,000 142,000
12 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,055,000 267,000 316,000 245,000 128,000 98,000
15 LADETTE TO LADY Nine 894,000 252,000 315,000 128,000 102,000 96,000
16 WOMEN'S MURDER CLUB Ten 873,000 226,000 231,000 178,000 130,000 108,000
21 THE MOMENT OF TRUTH Nine 702,000 210,000 219,000 112,000 79,000 83,000
27 FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT ABC 493,000 159,000 164,000 75,000 49,000 46,000
32 SUNRISE Seven 411,000 137,000 99,000 83,000 38,000 54,000
36 TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES Nine 380,000 114,000 132,000 47,000 50,000 37,000
53 TODAY Nine 272,000 74,000 90,000 47,000 20,000 41,000

The ratings race, updated 11am Tuesday
With Channel Nine so depressed from last night that it took an axe to its new game show The Power of Ten, Channel Seven is well ahead for the week and the ABC is soaring on the strength of an Australian Story about Steve Irwin's father.

What Australia watched, Monday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BORDER SECURITY (R) Seven 1,799,000 538,000 473,000 347,000 209,000 232,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,572,000 396,000 415,000 317,000 178,000 267,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,425,000 348,000 387,000 274,000 171,000 245,000
4 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,396,000 372,000 356,000 293,000 163,000 212,000
5 SCU: SERIOUS CRASH UNIT Seven 1,392,000 372,000 376,000 278,000 173,000 193,000
6 AUSTRALIAN STORY ABC 1,321,000 413,000 356,000 306,000 97,000 149,000
7 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - RESULTS Ten 1,249,000 351,000 411,000 233,000 122,000 132,000
8 NINE NEWS Nine 1,234,000 330,000 417,000 274,000 132,000 82,000
9 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 1,232,000 350,000 372,000 236,000 116,000 160,000
10 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - ELIMINATION Ten 1,222,000 354,000 386,000 197,000 139,000 146,000
11 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,218,000 335,000 377,000 282,000 136,000 89,000
12 SEA PATROL II - THE COUP Nine 1,215,000 319,000 376,000 217,000 155,000 147,000
14 ENOUGH ROPE WITH ANDREW DENTON: ANGELS AND DEMONS ABC 982,000 288,000 367,000 139,000 80,000 107,000
16 FOUR CORNERS ABC 955,000 282,000 289,000 171,000 87,000 125,000
17 GOOD NEWS WEEK Ten 954,000 324,000 262,000 178,000 92,000 99,000
24 DIRTY SEXY MONEY Seven 679,000 193,000 233,000 101,000 71,000 81,000
28 POWER OF 10 Nine 521,000 156,000 188,000 67,000 57,000 53,000
29 MYTHBUSTERS RPT SBS 520,000 132,000 154,000 116,000 68,000 50,000
37 BOSTON LEGAL (R) Seven 408,000 97,000 157,000 60,000 50,000 44,000
43 FOOTY CLASSIFIED Nine 323,000 195,000 73,000 54,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

It was a week of historic moments in Australian television. On Thursday, Kate Ritchie's character Sally Fletcher left Home and Away after growing up in public for 20 years, and 1.5 million people in the mainland capitals tuned in to say goodbye.

Also on Thursday, the central character in Life On Mars, Detective Inspector Sam Tyler, gave himself a happy ending by committing suicide, which must be a first for a TV series (and which suggests that the program's writers think Heaven is Manchester in the 1970s). Only 757,000 people saw him jump.

On Monday Enough Rope with Andrew Denton pulled the second biggest audience in its history -- 1.5 million to see footballer Wayne Carey hang himself. On Sunday Channel Seven's Gladiators scored the highest audience for any series debut this year -- 1.9 million. But Channel Nine was delighted with its 1.6 m for Without A Trace and 1.5 m for CSI and the ABC was pleased with 1 million for its new coastal dramedy East of Everything, which doesn't beat the SeaChange record but is a strong start.

Those were the highs of the week. The lows went to Nine: only 1.2 million for the return of Sea Patrol and 704,000 for the new game show The Power of Ten. In spite of this, Nine ended the week in a dead heat with Seven -- both averaged 27.7 per cent of the prime time audience, while Ten got 21.9, ABC got a healthy 17.5 (thanks to Wayne Carey and Doc Martin) and SBS got 5.1 (including 241,000 for the year's most underrated show, Newstopia).

What Australia watched, Sunday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 GLADIATORS Seven 1,571,000 376,000 488,000 322,000 209,000 176,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,540,000 407,000 497,000 407,000 Not shown 228,000
3 60 MINUTES Nine 1,509,000 442,000 419,000 319,000 126,000 204,000
4 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Ten 1,361,000 385,000 456,000 266,000 126,000 129,000
5 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,317,000 412,000 422,000 253,000 136,000 94,000
6 CSI Nine 1,313,000 362,000 339,000 265,000 173,000 174,000
7 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WEIGH-IN Ten 1,244,000 357,000 423,000 225,000 113,000 126,000
8 POLICE FILES - UNLOCKED Seven 1,096,000 314,000 406,000 208,000 167,000
9 GREY'S ANATOMY Seven 1,075,000 309,000 345,000 185,000 125,000 111,000
10 MY NAME IS EARL Seven 1,071,000 284,000 318,000 181,000 156,000 132,000
11 RFDS: ROYAL FLYING DOCTOR SERVICE Nine 1,029,000 290,000 257,000 243,000 78,000 162,000
12 ANIMAL EMERGENCY Nine 1,018,000 275,000 260,000 233,000 85,000 163,000
13 WITHOUT A TRACE Nine 1,002,000 238,000 258,000 213,000 147,000 146,000
14 ABC NEWS-SUN ABC 989,000 295,000 293,000 206,000 77,000 118,000
15 BROTHERS & SISTERS Seven 892,000 243,000 317,000 145,000 93,000 94,000
16 ROVE Ten 834,000 243,000 277,000 144,000 85,000 84,000
17 EAST OF EVERYTHING ABC 819,000 284,000 246,000 116,000 63,000 110,000
18 ROBIN HOOD ABC 781,000 232,000 218,000 159,000 81,000 91,000
22 AFL: RND 3: RICHMOND VS COLLINGWOOD Seven 672,000 83,000 309,000 76,000 103,000 101,000
26 NINE'S SUNDAY FOOTBALL Nine 525,000 320,000 Not shown 186,000 Not shown 19,000
36 FIA FORMULA ONE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP 2008 Ten 301,000 77,000 104,000 45,000 40,000 34,000
48 AFL: RND 3: ADELAIDE VS PORT ADELAIDE Seven 232,000 Not shown Not shown Not shown 232,000 Not shown
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, week ending April 5
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 GLADIATORS Seven 1,868,000 452,000 602,000 392,000 219,000 202,000
2 BORDER SECURITY (R) Seven 1,767,000 481,000 471,000 360,000 206,000 249,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,613,000 372,000 493,000 399,000 152,000 197,000
4 WITHOUT A TRACE Nine 1,583,000 387,000 480,000 302,000 223,000 190,000
5 CSI Nine 1,516,000 383,000 459,000 294,000 192,000 189,000
6 ENOUGH ROPE WITH ANDREW DENTON ABC 1,498,000 325,000 623,000 191,000 172,000 187,000
7 RAMSAY'S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES Nine 1,489,000 397,000 488,000 218,000 178,000 207,000
8 NCIS Ten 1,476,000 377,000 426,000 318,000 164,000 190,000
9 SCU: SERIOUS CRASH UNIT Seven 1,466,000 367,000 419,000 308,000 179,000 194,000
10 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,464,000 409,000 417,000 306,000 136,000 197,000
11 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,459,000 376,000 418,000 269,000 164,000 232,000
12 60 MINUTES Nine 1,419,000 404,000 424,000 282,000 125,000 184,000
13 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,385,000 350,000 368,000 296,000 153,000 218,000
14 POLICE FILES - UNLOCKED Seven 1,369,000 350,000 446,000 244,000 174,000 154,000
15 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,349,000 401,000 318,000 284,000 147,000 199,000
16 DOC MARTIN ABC 1,331,000 355,000 363,000 263,000 177,000 173,000
17 KITCHEN NIGHTMARES U.S.A. Nine 1,330,000 337,000 454,000 215,000 159,000 165,000
18 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,324,000 382,000 368,000 267,000 174,000 133,000
19 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,305,000 350,000 428,000 228,000 136,000 163,000
20 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,296,000 344,000 335,000 261,000 140,000 216,000
21 SEA PATROL II - THE COUP Nine 1,247,000 407,000 327,000 227,000 144,000 142,000
22 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Ten 1,233,000 353,000 353,000 267,000 140,000 120,000
23 MY NAME IS EARL Seven 1,228,000 310,000 391,000 220,000 163,000 144,000
24 IT TAKES TWO Seven 1,204,000 366,000 348,000 215,000 125,000 150,000
25 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - RESULTS Ten 1,200,000 320,000 426,000 210,000 111,000 133,000
26 UNDERBELLY Nine 1,197,000 530,000 Not shown 305,000 171,000 191,000
27 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,155,000 293,000 295,000 270,000 102,000 196,000
28 GREY'S ANATOMY Seven 1,148,000 346,000 324,000 221,000 133,000 125,000
29 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,134,000 298,000 383,000 244,000 117,000 93,000
30 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 1,132,000 306,000 374,000 182,000 120,000 149,000
31 NINE NEWS Nine 1,129,000 275,000 375,000 253,000 130,000 95,000
32 ABC NEWS-SU ABC 1,125,000 300,000 333,000 239,000 113,000 140,000
33 THE CHOPPING BLOCK Nine 1,117,000 333,000 360,000 193,000 117,000 114,000
34 THE FOOTY SHOW Nine 1,117,000 286,000 444,000 142,000 130,000 115,000
35 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT ABC 1,110,000 323,000 324,000 191,000 128,000 144,000
36 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER Seven 1,106,000 263,000 314,000 248,000 123,000 158,000
37 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 1,097,000 279,000 374,000 187,000 125,000 132,000
38 ABC NEWS-EV ABC 1,090,000 279,000 350,000 211,000 110,000 140,000
39 THE REAL SEACHANGE Seven 1,090,000 290,000 288,000 207,000 121,000 184,000
40 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,090,000 301,000 330,000 206,000 113,000 140,000
41 GETAWAY Nine 1,081,000 321,000 310,000 210,000 100,000 141,000
42 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,073,000 297,000 343,000 170,000 126,000 137,000
43 WOMEN'S MURDER CLUB Ten 1,060,000 273,000 333,000 182,000 136,000 136,000
44 MEDIA WATCH ABC 1,024,000 284,000 326,000 167,000 112,000 134,000
45 EAST OF EVERYTHING ABC 1,014,000 366,000 299,000 146,000 87,000 117,000
46 MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL GALA 2008 Ten 1,014,000 265,000 388,000 147,000 109,000 106,000
47 FOUR CORNERS ABC 1,009,000 299,000 280,000 179,000 114,000 136,000
48 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - ELIMINATION Ten 1,007,000 243,000 348,000 188,000 108,000 120,000
49 HOUSE RPT Ten 992,000 270,000 301,000 152,000 115,000 154,000
50 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 989,000 204,000 263,000 219,000 128,000 174,000
51 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WEIGH-IN Ten 980,000 261,000 293,000 191,000 105,000 130,000
52 ABC NEWS-SA ABC 978,000 298,000 268,000 194,000 92,000 126,000
53 BACK TO YOU Ten 973,000 266,000 290,000 183,000 109,000 124,000
54 HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE -RPT Nine 967,000 279,000 240,000 185,000 115,000 148,000
55 LADETTE TO LADY Nine 955,000 263,000 325,000 127,000 122,000 118,000
56 ANIMAL EMERGENCY Nine 948,000 266,000 234,000 214,000 97,000 137,000
57 LAW AND ORDER: SVU Ten 946,000 271,000 248,000 196,000 95,000 137,000
58 AUSTRALIAN STORY ABC 943,000 276,000 302,000 177,000 82,000 107,000
59 CSI: NY Nine 926,000 276,000 208,000 186,000 127,000 130,000
60 GHOST WHISPERER Seven 923,000 300,000 247,000 168,000 99,000 109,000
(OzTAM mainland capitals)

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale at 05:15 AM
• Comments (75)

The Who We Are update: Week 14

This week of the blog is now a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. For the latest discussion, go here

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 DOC MARTIN ABC 1,331,000 355,000 363,000 263,000 177,000 173,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,155,000 293,000 295,000 270,000 102,000 196,000
3 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 989,000 204,000 263,000 219,000 128,000 174,000
4 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC 978,000 298,000 268,000 194,000 92,000 126,000
5 HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE -RPT Nine 967,000 279,000 240,000 185,000 115,000 148,000
6 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 923,000 249,000 269,000 184,000 116,000 105,000
7 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Ten 891,000 112,000 445,000 114,000 114,000 106,000
10 THE GREAT OUTDOORS Seven 779,000 196,000 240,000 157,000 74,000 113,000
11 MICHAEL PALIN'S NEW EUROPE Seven 720,000 203,000 198,000 157,000 47,000 115,000
14 THE BILL ABC 672,000 221,000 229,000 139,000 83,000 Not shown (but what was on the ABC in Perth instead?)
15 SATURDAY AFTERNOON AFL Ten 653,000 51,000 272,000 51,000 78,000 202,000
19 TOP GEAR (SERIES 1) SBS 419,000 128,000 129,000 78,000 47,000 36,000
Continued here

What Australia watched, Friday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,305,000 350,000 428,000 228,000 136,000 163,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,299,000 336,000 335,000 276,000 145,000 207,000
3 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,266,000 366,000 314,000 266,000 132,000 188,000
4 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,221,000 324,000 328,000 233,000 132,000 205,000
5 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT ABC 1,110,000 323,000 324,000 191,000 128,000 144,000
6 ABC NEWS ABC 1,064,000 268,000 351,000 198,000 112,000 135,000
7 NATIONAL NINE NEWS Nine 1,022,000 243,000 355,000 229,000 109,000 86,000
8 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 957,000 249,000 327,000 204,000 97,000 80,000
12 NINE'S LIVE FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 790,000 471,000 Not shown 319,000 Not shown Not shown
16 STATELINE ABC 730,000 193,000 255,000 115,000 89,000 78,000
17 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 3: WESTERN BULLDOGS VS ST KILDA Seven 724,000 19,000 446,000 13,000 131,000 114,000
21 HATING ALISON ASHLEY Ten 625,000 183,000 181,000 85,000 94,000 81,000
23 GRUMPY OLD WOMEN RPT ABC 585,000 180,000 161,000 96,000 85,000 63,000
24 SEVEN LATE NEWS Seven 480,000 137,000 173,000 84,000 46,000 40,000
25 NINE'S FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 480,000 301,000 Not shown 179,000 Not shown Not shown
What Australia watched, Thursday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,502,000 488,000 323,000 333,000 146,000 212,000
2 RAMSAY'S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES Nine 1,479,000 395,000 486,000 217,000 173,000 207,000
3 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,299,000 350,000 331,000 279,000 149,000 190,000
4 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,253,000 363,000 286,000 272,000 138,000 195,000
5 THE FOOTY SHOW Nine 1,186,000 309,000 460,000 159,000 138,000 120,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,180,000 309,000 392,000 264,000 118,000 96,000
7 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,155,000 312,000 384,000 262,000 99,000 98,000
8 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER Seven 1,106,000 263,000 314,000 248,000 123,000 158,000
9 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,078,000 308,000 319,000 208,000 103,000 140,000
10 GETAWAY Nine 1,077,000 320,000 308,000 209,000 98,000 142,000
11 ABC NEWS ABC 1,034,000 246,000 327,000 214,000 109,000 138,000
12 LAW AND ORDER: SVU Ten 946,000 271,000 248,000 196,000 95,000 137,000
13 GHOST WHISPERER Seven 923,000 300,000 247,000 168,000 99,000 109,000
15 SAMANTHA WHO? Seven 883,000 221,000 207,000 230,000 95,000 129,000
19 LIFE ON MARS ABC 757,000 242,000 220,000 111,000 83,000 101,000
20 SAVING KIDS WITH DAMIEN LEITH Ten 751,000 256,000 154,000 138,000 104,000 100,000
26 FAMILY GUY Seven 516,000 147,000 151,000 81,000 73,000 64,000
31 LET THE MUSIC PLAY: THE BARRY WHITE STORY ABC 457,000 124,000 142,000 64,000 72,000 55,000
33 AMERICAN DAD Seven 418,000 113,000 125,000 62,000 54,000 63,000

What Australia watched, Wednesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,463,000 336,000 422,000 327,000 150,000 228,000
2 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,459,000 376,000 418,000 269,000 164,000 232,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,303,000 330,000 354,000 254,000 136,000 230,000
4 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,300,000 384,000 312,000 241,000 154,000 209,000
5 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,222,000 311,000 445,000 243,000 144,000 79,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,206,000 275,000 448,000 253,000 140,000 90,000
7 UNDERBELLY Nine 1,195,000 529,000 Not shown 306,000 169,000 191,000
9 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 1,095,000 279,000 374,000 186,000 125,000 131,000
10 THE REAL SEACHANGE Seven 1,090,000 290,000 288,000 207,000 121,000 184,000
11 THE CHOPPING BLOCK Nine 1,081,000 319,000 351,000 183,000 114,000 113,000
12 HOUSE RPT Ten 994,000 270,000 302,000 153,000 115,000 154,000
18 M-GOLDENEYE Seven 865,000 256,000 271,000 135,000 102,000 101,000
23 CASHMERE MAFIA Nine 676,000 204,000 223,000 93,000 89,000 68,000
38 AT THE MOVIES ABC 353,000 105,000 133,000 39,000 40,000 36,000
40 CSI: MIAMI Nine 351,000 Not shown 351,000 Not shown Not shown Not shown
50 NEWSTOPIA SBS 241,000 70,000 82,000 38,000 15,000 37,000

The ratings race, updated 11am Wednesday April 2
Between them, Seven, Ten and the ABC conspired to sink Channel Nine's boat on Monday. Despite massive publicity, including a profile of Lisa McCune on 60 Minutes, Sea Patrol and The Power of Ten couldn't bring NIne more than 23.4 per cent of the prime time audience, while Seven scored 27.0, Ten scored 23.2 , the ABC scored an amazing 21.0 and SBS scored 5.4. Seven remained ahead on Tuesday, which was a much less lively night.

What Australia watched, Tuesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 NCIS Ten 1,470,000 375,000 425,000 316,000 165,000 189,000
2 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,450,000 403,000 413,000 303,000 135,000 196,000
3 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,366,000 325,000 373,000 293,000 147,000 228,000
4 KITCHEN NIGHTMARES U.S.A. Nine 1,323,000 335,000 450,000 215,000 158,000 165,000
5 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,311,000 358,000 379,000 257,000 137,000 180,000
6 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,288,000 378,000 314,000 268,000 140,000 189,000
7 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,284,000 306,000 355,000 256,000 134,000 232,000
8 IT TAKES TWO Seven 1,204,000 366,000 348,000 215,000 125,000 150,000
9 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,179,000 322,000 361,000 254,000 135,000 105,000
10 NINE NEWS Nine 1,117,000 277,000 346,000 257,000 137,000 101,000
11 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,074,000 299,000 342,000 171,000 126,000 137,000
12 ABC NEWS ABC 1,060,000 257,000 354,000 196,000 112,000 141,000
13 WOMEN'S MURDER CLUB Ten 1,045,000 269,000 329,000 179,000 134,000 134,000
14 LADETTE TO LADY Nine 971,000 266,000 331,000 133,000 124,000 118,000
17 THE MOMENT OF TRUTH Nine 873,000 236,000 258,000 180,000 110,000 89,000
21 STUFF ABC 718,000 173,000 229,000 117,000 97,000 102,000
22 MY SHOCKING STORY Seven 596,000 163,000 185,000 92,000 85,000 72,000
25 FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT ABC 535,000 156,000 177,000 71,000 71,000 59,000
26 HOW ART MADE THE WORLD-EV ABC 513,000 164,000 147,000 75,000 77,000 50,000
31 TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES Nine 421,000 113,000 130,000 66,000 59,000 52,000

What Australia watched, Monday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BORDER SECURITY (R) Seven 1,767,000 481,000 471,000 360,000 206,000 249,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,497,000 402,000 379,000 304,000 176,000 235,000
3 SCU: SERIOUS CRASH UNIT Seven 1,466,000 367,000 419,000 308,000 179,000 194,000
4 ENOUGH ROPE WITH ANDREW DENTON ABC 1,455,000 317,000 603,000 186,000 167,000 181,000
5 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,413,000 395,000 350,000 290,000 158,000 220,000
6 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,381,000 383,000 329,000 306,000 163,000 199,000
7 SEA PATROL II - THE COUP Nine 1,238,000 403,000 325,000 225,000 142,000 143,000
8 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - RESULTS Ten 1,180,000 315,000 420,000 205,000 109,000 131,000
9 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,175,000 292,000 408,000 259,000 113,000 102,000
10 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 1,132,000 306,000 374,000 182,000 120,000 149,000
11 ABC NEWS ABC 1,118,000 305,000 344,000 227,000 108,000 134,000
12 NINE NEWS Nine 1,112,000 273,000 336,000 259,000 139,000 104,000
13 MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL GALA 2008 Ten 1,039,000 272,000 395,000 153,000 110,000 108,000
14 MEDIA WATCH ABC 1,024,000 284,000 326,000 167,000 112,000 134,000
15 FOUR CORNERS ABC 1,009,000 299,000 280,000 179,000 114,000 136,000
16 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - ELIMINATION Ten 1,007,000 243,000 348,000 188,000 109,000 120,000
18 AUSTRALIAN STORY ABC 943,000 276,000 302,000 177,000 82,000 107,000
24 POWER OF 10 Nine 704,000 213,000 215,000 114,000 76,000 87,000
27 DIRTY SEXY MONEY Seven 606,000 168,000 219,000 100,000 62,000 57,000
28 MYTHBUSTERS RPT SBS 499,000 130,000 145,000 79,000 78,000 66,000

The ratings race, updated 8am Monday March 31
Channel Seven had the biggest audience in a week that wasn't worth winning. Deprived of of interesting drama, those Australians who couldn't make it to the DVD store settled for fly-on-the wall documentaries: Border Security (7) got 1.75 million viewers in the mainland capitals, SCU: Serious Crash Unit (7) got 1.64 million and Bondi Rescue (10) got 1.57 million.

Nine did OK with the Olympic swimming trials, attracting 1.17m on Thursday and ending the week with an average of 25.3 per cent of the prime time audience (to Seven's 28.5 and Ten's 22.9). The ABC stuck to normal programming, and was rewarded with 17.7 per cent of the prime time audience and 1.31m for Doc Martin and 1.22m for Midsomer Murders, while SBS scored 564,000 for Mythbusters (and averaged 5.7 per cent).

With the Easter break over and Australians assumed to be safely back in front of the box, the real battle for the year begins now, as signified by tonight's confrontation between the naval gazers of Sea Patrol and the loose livers of Desperate Housewives.

In the first skirmish Sunday night, Seven's Gladiators wiped the floor with Ten's The Biggest Loser and, by running overtime, chomped into SYTCDA. But Seven's past hero, Grey's Anatomy lost viewers to the ABC's seachange dramedy, East of Everything, with the result that Nine won the night by default: Nine 30.4 per cent of the prime time audience, Seven 29.3, Ten 20.8, ABC 15.1, SBS 4.3.

What Australia watched, Sunday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 GLADIATORS Network 7 1,847,324 441,270 596,358 392,644 214,812 202,241
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Network 7 1,578,912 362,895 479,828 394,057 148,054 194,077
3 POLICE FILES - UNLOCKED Network 7 1,571,086 406,457 510,499 294,719 191,009 168,401
4 CSI Network 9 1,550,941 386,621 470,218 298,758 205,685 189,659
5 60 MINUTES Network 9 1,404,188 399,551 419,746 280,755 122,191 181,944
6 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Network 9 1,325,528 381,862 369,155 267,305 174,451 132,755
7 MY NAME IS EARL Network 7 1,244,180 307,579 400,913 221,318 166,415 147,956
8 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Network TEN 1,233,747 353,702 353,211 266,247 140,070 120,516
9 GREY'S ANATOMY Network 7 1,138,053 336,579 324,333 216,867 134,242 126,032
10 ABC NEWS-SUN Network ABC 1,125,453 299,548 333,472 239,452 113,290 139,691
11 EAST OF EVERYTHING Network ABC 1,006,677 362,385 297,409 144,609 86,050 116,225
12 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WEIGH-IN Network TEN 973,523 258,676 290,866 189,756 104,387 129,837
13 BROTHERS & SISTERS Network 7 962,390 296,487 319,222 151,142 102,927 92,612
14 ANIMAL EMERGENCY Network 9 949,234 265,984 234,963 213,719 98,233 136,335
15 RFDS: ROYAL FLYING DOCTOR SERVICE Network 9 890,005 250,354 211,407 201,617 101,263 125,364
16 ROBIN HOOD Network ABC 778,227 241,562 185,146 145,497 95,407 110,615
17 ROVE Network TEN 777,329 238,040 252,239 122,827 78,226 85,997
21 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 2: GEELONG VS ESSENDON Network 7 608,421 8,323 328,169 68,614 129,295 74,020
28 NINE'S SUNDAY FOOTBALL Network 9 455,225 271,640 158,506 25,079
31 WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Network SBS 373,992 118,414 119,355 56,711 36,449 43,063
32 ALI G INDAHOUSE RPT Network TEN 360,792 97,980 118,586 38,850 63,832 41,544
33 GILMORE GIRLS Network 9 342,046 90,644 104,553 56,172 41,219 49,458
49 AFL: RND 2: SYDNEY VS PORT ADELAIDE Network 7 199,063 70,227 Not shown Not shown 128,836 Not shown
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind, in whoweare-index at 08:42 AM
• Comments (63)

WHO WE ARE: The man who nearly changed everything

To vote for The Bogie Awards, go here

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 16/2/2008
Nobody knows what was actually said in the most important speech ever given in Australia, because it was not written down, and in any case it was in a language nobody speaks any more. We only know that the words almost changed the course of our history.

The speech must have been given in the year 1790 by a warrior named Pemulwuy. It had the effect of uniting the people who lived around Sydney harbour in opposition to the invaders who sailed in two years earlier. It led to 12 years of guerilla warfare. We can surmise that if the authorities in London had been fully aware of that war, they may well have abandoned, as a waste of money and manpower, the prison camp they'd established at the opposite end of the planet.

And we can speculate on what might have happened next: Would the French or the Dutch have moved in and done a deal with the locals? Or would Pemulwuy have continued to unify the tribes and create a new political structure?

Pemulwuy's story has parallels with Robin Hood in England, William Tell in Switzerland, Ho Chi Minh in Vietnam and Che Guevara in South America -- about equal parts veriable fact and heroic folklore.

A quick history: In 1790 Pemulwuy, a leader of the Bidjigal people who lived near Botany Bay, speared a man named John Mcentire, who worked as gamekeeper for Governor Arthur Phillip. Phillip despatched an officer called Watkin Tench (who kept detailed diaries) to hunt Pemulwuy and his followers, but they had vanished.

Pemulwuy persuaded the Eora, Dharug and Tharawal people to join his campaign against the newcomers. They burned food supplies and attacked settlers on the outskirts of the colony. This culminated in what has been called "the battle of Parramatta" in 1797, when about 100 of Pemulwuy's fighters (including some escaped Irish convicts) confronted English troops near the river. Pemulwuy was shot seven times and taken to the nearby hospital, but escaped (in leg irons) and continued the struggle.

Governor John Hunter wrote in 1798: "A strange idea was found to prevail among the natives respecting the savage Pe-mul-way, which was very likely to prove fatal to him in the end. Both he and they entertained an opinion, that, from his having been frequently wounded, he could not be killed by our fire-arms."

Pemulwuy was captured in 1802, when he would have been in his 40s. His head was slashed off with a sabre, preserved in alcohol and sent as a specimen to Sir Joseph Banks in London, along with a note from Governor Phillip Gidley King describing him as "an active, daring leader ... Altho a terrible pest to the colony, he was a brave and independent character."

The Pemulwuy story would make a great Australian movie (as in, a film Australians would actually go and see). Geoffrey Rush is Arthur Phillip. There's a role for Nicole Kidman as the Irish woman who joins Pemulwuy's army and advises him on how to demoralise the English invaders. Guy Pearce is Watkin Tench, the humane officer who loved the Irish woman and let Pemulwuy escape, only to see his sweetheart prefer the noble savage.

But who has the charisma to be Pemulwuy? If the film is funded by a Hollywood studio, the part will go to Denzel Washington or Russell Crowe. If we keep control of it here, Ernie Dingo comes to mind. He's impressive when he chooses to be serious. But there must be other candidates.

What do you think? We welcome your suggestions for the great Australian movie.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in Who We Are at 02:27 PM
• Comments (7)

The Tribal Mind: A multi-sex theory of programming

To discuss who should play Australia's first freedom fighter, go to Who We Are.
To nominate television's most annoying people and programs, go to The Bogies

by David Dale
There are four sexes in Australia: men, women, old folks and The Rich. If you want to be perfectly precise about it, you could divide the first two sexes into two sub-sexes: young men and women and middle-aged men and women. Then you'd have an impression of how the viewers are viewed by the programmers and advertisers who decide the content of Australia's favourite medium.

The four-or-six-sex-theory of Australian tastes explains why certain TV shows that appear to be flops are kept on by the TV stations. The various social segments consume entertainment very differently, which means there is no longer such a thing as a mass market. Successful programmers know how to play the niches. A program need only appeal to one of the sexes to justify a spot in the schedule. You may not like it, but as long as 700,000 members of one of the other sexes tune in and turn on once a week, it's a hit.

For example, the 770,000 people in the mainland capitals who watch Lost at 9.30 on Thursdays are mostly males aged 16-39, so it's the perfect environment to push computers, cars and mobile phones. The million who watch its rival, Kitchen Nightmares, are mostly wealthy women aged 25 to 54, so they'll be wanting not just a new kitchen but, with any luck, a new home.

Let's do a dissection of how Australians are consuming television at the moment. This is not through any vulgar curiosity about popular culture, which, according to the ABC, has been condemned by the Australian novelist, Peter Carey. We're doing this because it behoves every citizen to understand the way every other citizen behaves. In reading what follows, your motives are anthropological.

Before studying these charts, bear in mind that Old Folks means people over 55 and The Rich means people earning more than $80,000 a year (in Occupational Groups 1 and 2, to use the ratings jargon):

Men enjoy: The cricket; Underbelly; SYTYCDA; Family Guy; Terminator; The Force; The Simpsons; House; Top Gear; Lost; Numb3rs; Good News Week.

Women enjoy: So You Think You Can Dance Australia; Grey's Anatomy; Desperate Housewives; Bondi Rescue; RPA; House; Cashmere Mafia; The Biggest Loser; Brothers and Sisters; Samantha Who; Women's Murder Club: All Saints; Medium.

The rich enjoy: SYTYCDA; Underbelly; Spicks and Specks; Grey's Anatomy; Desperate Housewives; Kitchen Nightmares USA; CSI; RPA; Cashmere Mafia; House; Dirty Sexy Money; Jekyll.

Old folks enjoy: Doc Martin; Dalziel and Pascoe; Miss Marple; Lewis; Four Corners; RSPCA Animal Rescue; The Real Seachange; Border Security; A Year With The Royal Family; The Bill; The Zoo; It Takes Two.

As you see, the oldies mostly watch the ABC, which is convenient for the commercial stations because there's not a lot advertisers want to sell to over 55s. When they want to promote retirement villages, gardening products, and funeral arrangements, they'll buy time on It Takes Two, A Year With The Royal Family and The Real Seachange. Not that you're in a position to confirm this, because you'd never watch shows like that -- except for anthropological purposes, of course.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 02:52 PM
• Comments (11)

WHO WE ARE: Talk is rich

To discuss whether Nicole Kidman has jumped the shark again, go to Nut guards.
To nominate television's most annoying people and programs, go to The Bogies

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 9/3/2008.
The readers have spoken. By a clear majority, they have given their ruling on who is Australia's greatest orator - the person responsible for the most significant speeches ever made on this continent. And in the process they've disposed of the myth that Australians are a people of few words, laconic bordering on inarticulate.

Last week this column published excerpts from six speeches often described as historical turning points, whether or not you agree with their sentiments. They were Arthur Phillip's warning to the new arrivals in 1788 ("a vigorous execution of the law -- whatever it may cost my feeling -- shall follow closely upon the heels of every offender"); Henry Parkes's call for federation in 1890 ("The crimson thread of kinship runs through us all"); Alfred Deakin's introduction of the White Australia Policy in 1901 ("It is not the bad qualities but the good qualities of these alien races that make them dangerous to us"); Paul Keating's Redfern speech in 1992 ("We brought the diseases. The alcohol. We committed the murders"); John Howard's Bali bombing memorial in 2002 ("The Australian spirit will remain strong and free and open and tolerant"); and Kevin Rudd's apology last month ("To the mothers and the fathers, the brothers and the sisters, for the breaking up of families and communities, we say sorry.") Click here to read that column.

Readers responded by nominating alternative candidates for the title of Australia's most important speech. Some examples:

Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, President of Turkey, remembering the Anzacs, 1934: "There is no difference between the Johnnies and the Mehmets to us where they lie side by side here in this country of ours ... You, the mothers, who sent their sons from far away countries, wipe away your tears. Your sons are now lying in our bosom and are in peace. After having lost their lives on this land, they have become our sons as well."

Labor leader Arthur Calwell opposing Australia's entry into the Vietnam war in 1965: "It is not our desire, when servicemen are about to be sent to distant battlefields, and when war - cruel, costly and interminable - stares us in the face, that the nation should be divided. When the drums beat and the trumpets sound, the voice of reason and right can be heard in the land only with difficulty. But if we are to have the courage of our convictions, then we must do our best to make that voice heard." (Speech written by Graham Freudenberg)

Prime Minister John Curtin asking the American people for help, 1942: "This war may see the end of much that we have painfully and slowly built in our 150 years of existence. But even though all of it go, there will still be Australians fighting on Australian soil until the turning point be reached, and we will advance over blackened ruins, through blasted and fire-swept cities, across scorched plains, until we drive the enemy into the sea. I give you the pledge of my country. There will always be an Australian Government and there will always be an Australian people. We are too strong in our hearts; our spirit is too high; the justice of our cause throbs too deeply in our being for that high purpose to be overcome. (Click here to hear it)

Liberal leader Robert Menzies on "The forgotten people", 1942: "The middle class who, properly regarded, represent the backbone of this country: First, it has a responsibility for homes: homes material, homes human, homes spiritual ... Second, the middle class, more than any other, provides the intelligent ambition which is the motive power of human progress ... Third, the middle class provides more than any other the intellectual life that marks us off from the beast; the life which finds room for literature, for the arts, for science, for medicine and the law ... Individual enterprise must drive us forward."

PM Paul Keating honouring the Unknown Soldier, 1993: "On all sides they were the heroes of that war: not the generals and the politicians, but the soldiers and sailors and nurses - those who taught us to endure hardship, show courage, to be bold as well as resilient, to believe in ourselves, to stick together. The Unknown Australian Soldier we inter today was one of those who by his deeds proved that real nobility and grandeur belongs not to empires and nations but to the people on whom they, in the last resort, always depend. It is not too much to hope, therefore, that this Unknown Australian soldier might continue to serve his country - he might enshrine a nation's love of peace and remind us that in the sacrifice of the men and women whose names are recorded here there is faith enough for all of us.

Of the 74 responses to last week's column, 22 voted for speeches by Paul Keating (including Redfern, the Unknown Soldier, and Waltzing Matilda). Some simultaneously accused him of incompetence and arrogance.

Several readers pointed out that Keating's speeches were written by Don Watson. So perhaps Watson should get any glory we are handing out today. But as Denise Davies remarked: "Watson wrote the way Keating thought and spoke. No euphemisms, no unambiguous language. Keating is a clear sighted visionary and he had the good fortune to link up with a magnificent speech writer."

Or perhaps we should reward spontaneity. As Micky wrote: "You all missed the point - a great speech by an Australian PM that reflects the ambitions, loves, hates, fears and very soul of its people: 'Any boss who sacks a worker for not turning up today is a bum' - RJ Hawke on the morning after Australia II won the America's Cup yacht race, 1983.

There's one more nomination I'd like to make. We don't know the actual words used in this speech, but we know it had a powerful effect. It was given -- several times, probably --by the Aboriginal leader Pemulwuy early in the year 1790. It caused the previously passive tribes of the Sydney region to unite in a campaign of guerilla warfare against the people they saw as invaders. The warfare ended only when Pemulwuy was captured and beheaded in 1802.

I'll give more details about that in next week's column, but in the meantime, give us your view on the speeches nominated so far ...

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind, in Who We Are at 06:17 AM
• Comments (28)

The Tribal Mind: Nut guards vs kickworthies

For futher discussion of Australian attitudes, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss the most important speech ever given in Australia, go to Who We Are.

by David Dale
At last the Zeitgeist has thrown up another tool for analysing popular culture which is almost as powerful as the notion of "jumping the shark". It is "the nut guard".

If it had been created in Australia, it would probably have been called "the cup" or "the box", by analogy with the device used by cricketers to protect their vulnerable parts. Because it was created in the US, it is defined thus by Entertainment Weekly magazine: "nut guard (noun): The credit on an actor's resume that is so beloved it stops fans from wanting to actually kick him where it hurts after sitting through his latest stinker. [Origin: After seeing Fred Claus, Mandi told her friend Karen that she wanted to kick Vince Vaughn in the nuts. Karen said, "No, you can't. He's got a nut guard because of Swingers."]

Thus John Travolta, who has made many a kickworthy, gets a nut guard from Pulp Fiction -- a film which also offered some protection to Bruce Willis. Brad Pitt is guarded by Fight Club, George Clooney by Michael Clayton. Tom Cruise, whose whole life is kickworthy, gets guards from Rain Man and Collateral. Hugh Grant is running just about even on each side. Will Ferrell's only protection is Stranger Than Fiction, but that's because of the presence of Emma Thompson, who has never made a kickworthy.

Yes, the concept applies to women, too, even if it's a technical misnomer. Lindsay Lohan's protection is Mean Girls, but it's not nearly enough. Angelina Jolie's is A Mighty Heart, which counterbalances two Lara Croft movies. Cate Blanchett has so many nut guards she could do kickworthies for the rest of her career.

Last year, this column, after consulting its readers, declared that Nicole Kidman had jumped the shark, based on a string of embarrassments that displayed chronic bad taste in scripts.

Since then, she's been the best performer in The Golden Compass and she's played an interesting neurotic in Margot At The Wedding (which made just $80,000 in its first week in Australian cinemas, suggesting Our Nic is not exactly a huge drawcard in her own land).

But any protection Kidman may claim from those performances is dissolved by a flick called The Invasion, a sci-fi potboiler which is a colossal waste of time, even when seen on a plane (in the photo above, O.N. has just realised her ex-husband has been turned into a zombie by aliens -- which sounds like the story of her life). Like Stepford Wives, it's the kind of shark-jump symptom that causes audiences too polite to don the steel-capped boots to ask "What was she thinking? It's not as if she needs the money!"

In its first week at the Australian box office, The Invasion made $37,000. In the same period, Rambo made $750,000. The horrifying posibility emerges that Sylvester Stallone has more nut guards than Nicole Kidman.

The nut guard is a new tool for media analysts, and its parameters need refining. Can you help with these questions: Is an Oscar-winning performance automatically a nut guard, and how many kickworthies should it block? What might be the current ng/kw balance of Eric Bana, Toni Collette, Russell Crowe, Judy Davis, Mel Gibson, Rachel Griffiths, Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, Miranda Otto, Guy Pearce, Geoffrey Rush, Naomi Watts and Hugo Weaving? It is, of course, a matter of personal opinion, and we'd like yours ...

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 12:59 AM
• Comments (21)

WHO WE ARE: The power of speech

To learn why State governments should be abolished, go to The next big thing.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 2/3/2008
It was short, clear and dignified, but was it the most important speech ever given on this continent?

We've had a month to ponder Kevin Rudd's apology. The latest Morgan opinion poll gives him a 77 per cent approval rating -- probably the highest in prime ministerial history -- and federal Labor would get 65 per cent of the two-party preferred vote if an election were held now. So apparently Australians were pleased with it.

But in historical context, its status might shrink a bit, or even enlarge. Consider these six excerpts from 220 years of rhetoric in a nation often described as inarticulate, and try to guess who uttered them:

1. "We took the traditional lands and smashed the traditional way of life. We brought the diseases. The alcohol. We committed the murders. We took the children from their mothers. It was our ignorance and our prejudice and our failure to imagine these things being done to us ... If we have a sense of justice, as well as common sense, we will forge a new partnership."

2. "You have my sacred word of honour that whenever ye commit a fault, you shall be punished, and most severely. I am no stranger to the use you make of every indulgence ... again I add that a vigorous execution of the law (whatever it may cost my feeling) shall follow closely upon the heels of every offender."

3. "The crimson thread of kinship runs through us all. As separate colonies we are of little consequence, but the potentate does not exist, the ruling authority in human affairs does not exist, who would lightly consider the decision of a united Australasia. We would grow at once: in a day, as it were: from a group of disunited communities into one solid, powerful, rich and widely respected power."

4. "It is not the bad qualities but the good qualities of these alien races that make them dangerous to us. It is their inexhaustible energy, their power of applying themselves to new tasks, their endurance and low standard of living that make them such competitors. We are united in the resolve that this Commonwealth shall be established on the firm foundation of unity of race."

5. "Our nation has been changed by this event. Australia has been affected very deeply, but the Australian spirit has not been broken. The Australian spirit will remain strong and free and open and tolerant."

6. "We apologise for the laws and policies of successive Parliaments and governments that have inflicted profound grief, suffering and loss on these our fellow Australians. To the mothers and the fathers, the brothers and the sisters, for the breaking up of families and communities, we say sorry. And for the indignity and degradation thus inflicted on a proud people and a proud culture, we say sorry."

The speakers were Paul Keating, launching the Year of Indigenous People, December 1992; Arthur Phillip addressing the population of Sydney, February 1788; Henry Parkes addressing the Federation Conference, February, 1890; Alfred Deakin introducing the White Australia policy, September, 1901; John Howard at the memorial service after the Bali bombings, October, 2002; and Kevin Rudd in Federal Parliament, February, 2008.

Give us your vote on which had the greatest historical significance, or nominate another speech.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in Who We Are at 06:19 PM
• Comments (76)

The Tribal Mind: But what do the Noughties really mean?

For daily updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To discuss the most important speech ever given in Australia, go to Who We Are.

by David Dale
In the eighth year of every decade, clever people finally identify what that decade is about. For example, shortly after the stock market crash of late 1987, and the movie Wall Street, they decided the western world was enjoying "The Greed Is Good Decade".

In 1968, they realised the ongoing upheavals were not only in fashion, drugs, and rock and roll, but also in politics. That made it The Decade of Revolution (even if Australia didn't join the revolution until 1972).

The breakup of Abba and the arrival of Star Wars (in which everyone in the future dressed as Abba groupies) gave us the theme for the 1970s: The Decade That Style Forgot.

And the 90s became "The dotcom decade" when young entrepreneurs such as Jamie Packer and Lachlan Murdoch started throwing dough at a theory that the masses would pay to indulge their newfound addiction to the internet. (A strong alternative claimant on 90s naming rights was The Decade of Diana).

You see where I'm going with this: we have ten months to filter the Zeitgeist and identify The Theme of the Noughties.

Potential candidates: economically, it is The Decade of China, which will replace America as The world superpower by 2009. Politically it's The September 11 Decade, since that event started a world war that will continue long after 2010.

In posh restaurants, it's been The Time of Foam; in fashion, The Age of Cleavage (just as the 60s was the miniskirt, the 70s bellbottoms, the 80s shoulder pads and the 90s the black suit).

In showbiz, the death of privacy is symbolized by the worldwide success of Big Brother, unless we're more inspired by the Trajectory of Britney, who entered the decade singing Oops I Did It Again and will be lucky to get out of it alive.

These are worthy contenders, but I reckon the key is in communications. If we'd been having this discussion five years ago, I'd have called it "The eDecade", because everything was happening via email. But already the under 30s have bypassed that method of messaging and talk via MyFace, YouBook, and SpaceTube. That lower case "e" is soooo 2002.

Lets move further into the alphabet and workshop the notion that this will be looked upon, in years to come, as ... The iDecade

The technological bookends of our times are the iPod and the iPhone, but i, as in internet, is not just about gadgets.

In 2000, 370 million people around the world were linked via computer. This year, it's 1.25 billion. Wikipedia went online in 2001, with 20,000 articles. Now it has more than two million.

In 2002, there were 100,000 blogs. Now there are 70 million, not counting this one. In 2001, the ranking mechanism used by Google received a US patent; in 2006, the verb "to google" entered the Oxford English Dictionary; and last month Google announced it had indexed 16.5 billion web pages.

So it could be The Wikade, or The GoogleTen, but I'm going to settle for The iDecade because the first letter, in upper case form, also stands for the Middle Eastern nation whose plight proves how superstition is still the world's leading cause of murder. And the first letter also means ego, which represents how Britney Spears and Big Brother gave rise to the phenomenon that is Corey Worthington worship.

Ah hell, lets call it The Decade of Corey (he's not the messiah, he's just a Noughties boy).

Tell us what you think here ...

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 03:27 PM
• Comments (16)

The Who We Are update: The Easter fortnight

This week's blog is now a heritage item -- worthy studying but no longer current. For the latest media discussion, go here.
For regular updates on Australian attitudes, bookmark http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
To learn which city is better -- Melbourne or Sydney, go to Who We Are
To vote for The Bogie Awards, go to The Tribal Mind.

What Australia watched, Saturday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 DOC MARTIN ABC 1,310,000 387,000 393,000 226,000 143,000 160,000
2 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC 1,099,000 336,000 348,000 191,000 99,000 125,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,097,000 310,000 319,000 204,000 99,000 165,000
4 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 998,000 241,000 283,000 274,000 97,000 103,000
5 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 996,000 234,000 339,000 228,000 104,000 92,000
6 BILL ABC 930,000 282,000 276,000 162,000 83,000 127,000
7 COLLECTORS (SHORTS) ABC 825,000 237,000 250,000 124,000 91,000 124,000
8 ABC NEWS UP-DATE ABC 772,000 223,000 224,000 112,000 84,000 130,000
9 2008 OLYMPIC SWIMMING TRIALS Nine 761,000 214,000 208,000 215,000 66,000 59,000
10 GARDENING AUSTRALIA ABC 725,000 209,000 241,000 141,000 63,000 70,000
11 M-CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN Seven 695,000 180,000 175,000 152,000 67,000 122,000
12 M-WELCOME TO MOOSEPORT Seven 690,000 162,000 198,000 159,000 77,000 93,000
13 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Ten 669,000 365,000 48,000 130,000 125,000
16 SATURDAY AFTERNOON AFL Ten 525,000 52,000 239,000 38,000 74,000 121,000
17 KEEPING UP APPEARANCES Seven 513,000 164,000 118,000 95,000 74,000 61,000
21 TOP GEAR (SERIES 1) SBS 457,000 118,000 142,000 86,000 68,000 44,000
22 SPOOKS RPT ABC 456,000 110,000 147,000 79,000 53,000 67,000

What Australia watched, Friday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,355,000 369,000 345,000 287,000 155,000 198,000
2 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS (R) Seven 1,252,000 433,000 338,000 185,000 151,000 145,000
3 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,226,000 421,000 300,000 225,000 137,000 143,000
4 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT ABC 1,225,000 342,000 371,000 214,000 151,000 146,000
5 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,155,000 341,000 306,000 221,000 128,000 159,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,097,000 313,000 373,000 228,000 113,000 70,000
7 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 999,000 255,000 358,000 211,000 108,000 66,000
8 ABC NEWS ABC 985,000 236,000 310,000 185,000 123,000 130,000
9 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 892,000 240,000 279,000 161,000 110,000 101,000
10 AFL: RND 2: BRISBANE LIONS VS COLLINGWOOD Seven 864,000 14,000 474,000 96,000 149,000 131,000
11 COLLECTORS ABC 850,000 223,000 263,000 142,000 124,000 98,000
12 MEAN GIRLS RPT Ten 837,000 284,000 250,000 121,000 75,000 107,000
18 STATELINE ABC 677,000 176,000 210,000 106,000 89,000 97,000
19 NINE'S LIVE FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 662,000 335,000 Not shown 327,000 Not shown Not shown
What Australia watched, Thursday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,408,000 421,000 359,000 304,000 132,000 192,000
2 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,290,000 371,000 353,000 259,000 127,000 180,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,289,000 371,000 361,000 256,000 115,000 185,000
4 2008 OLYMPIC SWIMMING TRIALS Nine 1,167,000 329,000 341,000 267,000 101,000 130,000
5 NINE NEWS Nine 1,153,000 254,000 416,000 271,000 113,000 98,000
6 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,122,000 308,000 359,000 205,000 124,000 125,000
7 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,110,000 260,000 406,000 260,000 101,000 82,000
8 THE FOOTY SHOW Nine 1,091,000 231,000 487,000 153,000 110,000 110,000
9 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER Seven 1,090,000 303,000 303,000 213,000 127,000 144,000
10 LAW AND ORDER: SVU RPT Ten 1,079,000 304,000 329,000 210,000 106,000 130,000
11 DEADLY SURF Nine 1,067,000 301,000 341,000 196,000 99,000 131,000
18 SAVING KIDS WITH DAMIEN LEITH Ten 751,000 232,000 197,000 136,000 91,000 94,000
20 LIFE ON MARS ABC 733,000 231,000 215,000 109,000 79,000 99,000
23 MAKING THE MONKEES ABC 626,000 218,000 162,000 96,000 74,000 76,000
What Australia watched, Wednesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,462,000 403,000 438,000 263,000 153,000 204,000
2 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,342,000 360,000 367,000 282,000 139,000 195,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,336,000 360,000 382,000 243,000 149,000 202,000
4 UNDERBELLY Nine 1,271,000 536,000 334,000 175,000 226,000
5 2008 OLYMPIC SWIMMING TRIALS Nine 1,201,000 336,000 322,000 286,000 122,000 136,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,169,000 246,000 431,000 256,000 153,000 83,000
7 SEVEN WONDERS OF THE INDUSTRIAL WORLD Seven 1,167,000 319,000 322,000 203,000 134,000 189,000
8 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,161,000 290,000 395,000 254,000 141,000 81,000
9 HOUSE RPT Ten 1,141,000 289,000 371,000 216,000 116,000 149,000
10 ABC NEWS ABC 1,141,000 306,000 357,000 210,000 118,000 150,000
11 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 1,020,000 272,000 337,000 181,000 115,000 114,000
12 RULES OF ENGAGEMENT Ten 1,009,000 264,000 294,000 186,000 131,000 134,000
13 BACK TO YOU RPT Ten 995,000 247,000 311,000 192,000 127,000 118,000
14 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 981,000 274,000 284,000 174,000 129,000 120,000
15 TWO AND A HALF MEN -RPT Nine 974,000 260,000 294,000 202,000 119,000 98,000
16 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 855,000 210,000 258,000 132,000 122,000 134,000
17 NUMB3RS Ten 853,000 242,000 266,000 150,000 90,000 105,000
18 CASHMERE MAFIA Nine 796,000 244,000 217,000 143,000 102,000 90,000
27 STUPID STUPID MAN ABC 587,000 138,000 207,000 110,000 57,000 76,000
28 THE ARMSTRONG AND MILLER SHOW ABC 535,000 149,000 182,000 74,000 63,000 67,000
74 NEWSTOPIA SBS 196,000 55,000 75,000 20,000 26,000 20,000

What Australia watched, Tuesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,571,000 427,000 462,000 311,000 164,000 207,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,519,000 448,000 353,000 327,000 175,000 217,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,456,000 414,000 362,000 318,000 165,000 197,000
4 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,424,000 427,000 338,000 312,000 147,000 201,000
5 NCIS Ten 1,418,000 363,000 352,000 314,000 169,000 221,000
6 KITCHEN NIGHTMARES U.S.A. Nine 1,341,000 356,000 488,000 206,000 143,000 149,000
7 IT TAKES TWO Seven 1,312,000 415,000 372,000 229,000 129,000 168,000
8 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,297,000 379,000 423,000 194,000 135,000 167,000
9 NINE NEWS Nine 1,223,000 322,000 378,000 293,000 139,000 91,000
10 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,211,000 323,000 353,000 234,000 152,000 148,000
11 ABC NEWS ABC 1,187,000 318,000 375,000 238,000 121,000 136,000
12 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,129,000 309,000 345,000 268,000 121,000 86,000
13 7.30 REPORT ABC 1,005,000 264,000 315,000 201,000 117,000 108,000
14 WOMEN'S MURDER CLUB Ten 1,002,000 249,000 292,000 210,000 136,000 115,000
15 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 885,000 238,000 230,000 158,000 126,000 132,000
20 THE MOMENT OF TRUTH Nine 725,000 204,000 246,000 126,000 80,000 70,000
21 STUFF ABC 720,000 203,000 226,000 132,000 91,000 69,000
22 TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES Nine 661,000 170,000 207,000 128,000 80,000 77,000
23 FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT ABC 651,000 203,000 202,000 104,000 82,000 61,000
29 HOW ART MADE THE WORLD ABC 493,000 169,000 165,000 63,000 56,000 40,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, Easter Monday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BORDER SECURITY (R) Seven 1,751,000 460,000 498,000 357,000 204,000 233,000
2 SCU: SERIOUS CRASH UNIT Seven 1,637,000 409,000 490,000 325,000 191,000 222,000
3 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,588,000 435,000 462,000 303,000 172,000 216,000
4 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,455,000 377,000 420,000 294,000 160,000 204,000
5 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,304,000 349,000 331,000 299,000 162,000 162,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,264,000 320,000 394,000 282,000 157,000 110,000
7 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,113,000 290,000 330,000 259,000 137,000 97,000
8 CSI -RPT Nine 1,107,000 309,000 332,000 199,000 136,000 131,000
9 ABC NEWS ABC 1,056,000 317,000 294,000 198,000 109,000 138,000
10 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - ELIMINATION Ten 1,026,000 274,000 296,000 216,000 134,000 106,000
11 LAW & ORDER EP 1 Ten 1,022,000 280,000 309,000 206,000 117,000 111,000
12 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 994,000 268,000 245,000 191,000 139,000 150,000
13 FAMOUS, FABULOUS AND FILTHY RICH Ten 965,000 239,000 286,000 196,000 130,000 113,000
14 TWO AND A HALF MEN -RPT Nine 940,000 260,000 274,000 216,000 106,000 84,000
15 2008 OLYMPIC SWIMMING TRIALS Nine 938,000 276,000 261,000 223,000 80,000 97,000
17 M-INSOMNIA Seven 903,000 188,000 274,000 164,000 127,000 150,000
18 CSI: NY -RPT Nine 868,000 207,000 289,000 154,000 125,000 93,000
19 AUSTRALIAN STORY ABC 853,000 272,000 220,000 151,000 91,000 120,000
22 FOUR CORNERS ABC 755,000 282,000 171,000 127,000 77,000 98,000
23 MEDIA WATCH ABC 752,000 290,000 172,000 124,000 81,000 85,000
26 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 1: KANGAROOS VS ESSENDON Seven 707,000 80,000 321,000 72,000 125,000 110,000
28 APOLLO 13: THE INSIDE STORY ABC 668,000 239,000 188,000 97,000 67,000 77,000
30 MYTHBUSTERS SBS 564,000 159,000 176,000 84,000 80,000 65,000

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
What comes first over the Easter break: the crappy TV shows or the small audiences? Australians are in the middle of a fortnight in which the commercial networks remove the most popular programs from the schedule and replace them with repeats or rubbish, on the assumption that people on holidays don't care what's on the box.

Either as cause or effect of this policy, viewing of broadcast TV was down five per cent last week -- with the notable exception of Kitchen Nightmares on Channel Nine. It thrived on publicity from federal parliament, where its host, London chef Gordon Ramsay, was accused of over-using "the f-word" and "the c-bomb".

Channel Seven drew on the resources of the ABC to fill its schedule, gaining 1.2 million viewers for a repeat of The Vicar of Dibley and 1.1 million for a repeat of Seven Wonders of the Industrial World. It thus won the week, averaging 27.4 per cent of the prime time audience, while Nine got 25.5 per cent, Ten 24.4, ABC 17.2 and SBS 5.5. The ABC did best with Doc Martin (1.2 m) so expect to see it repeated on Seven soon.

What Australia watched, Sunday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,168,000 321,000 291,000 281,000 129,000 146,000
2 THE VICAR OF DIBLEY Seven 1,073,000 271,000 272,000 213,000 142,000 175,000
3 60 MINUTES Nine 1,064,000 301,000 322,000 222,000 96,000 123,000
4 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,034,000 339,000 265,000 237,000 121,000 72,000
5 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - YOUR TOP 10 Ten 988,000 254,000 307,000 218,000 101,000 109,000
6 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WEIGH-IN Ten 973,000 277,000 247,000 195,000 132,000 121,000
7 ABC NEWS-SUN ABC 860,000 251,000 252,000 193,000 73,000 91,000
8 EMERALD FALLS Ten 836,000 229,000 255,000 151,000 87,000 114,000
9 BELONGING ABC 829,000 269,000 253,000 138,000 86,000 83,000
10 ANIMAL EMERGENCY Nine 774,000 240,000 220,000 164,000 76,000 75,000
11 RFDS: ROYAL FLYING DOCTOR SERVICE Nine 771,000 208,000 241,000 165,000 85,000 72,000
12 W.A.U: A PANDA IS BORN Seven 762,000 226,000 183,000 177,000 86,000 90,000
13 M-PEARL HARBOR Seven 747,000 223,000 209,000 118,000 92,000 105,000
14 TEARS OF THE SUN -RPT Nine 715,000 190,000 196,000 149,000 53,000 127,000
15 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SUN Ten 647,000 124,000 183,000 119,000 83,000 138,000
16 THE EINSTEIN FACTOR ABC 581,000 158,000 156,000 148,000 69,000 50,000
17 ROBIN HOOD ABC 552,000 170,000 160,000 120,000 51,000 50,000
24 NINE'S SUNDAY FOOTBALL Nine 367,000 212,000 138,000 17,000
25 M-MIRACLE IN LANE 2 Seven 359,000 74,000 86,000 85,000 67,000 47,000
26 THE SUNDAY FOOTY SHOW Nine 335,000 74,000 128,000 62,000 35,000 37,000
27 WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? SBS 319,000 100,000 100,000 61,000 27,000 32,000
29 2008 OLYMPIC SWIMMING TRIALS Nine 270,000 88,000 78,000 53,000 13,000 38,000

What Australia watched, week ending March 22
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Ten 1,776,000 562,000 507,000 341,000 187,000 179,000
2 BORDER SECURITY (R) Seven 1,549,000 385,000 438,000 346,000 196,000 184,000
3 KITCHEN NIGHTMARES U.S.A. Nine 1,423,000 402,000 494,000 222,000 159,000 146,000
4 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WEIGH-IN Ten 1,393,000 367,000 441,000 264,000 167,000 154,000
5 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - RESULTS Ten 1,389,000 396,000 465,000 269,000 122,000 138,000
6 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,374,000 376,000 431,000 277,000 186,000 104,000
7 BONDI RESCUE RPT Ten 1,364,000 380,000 397,000 254,000 159,000 174,000
8 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,361,000 361,000 360,000 288,000 151,000 201,000
9 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,348,000 345,000 319,000 324,000 144,000 217,000
10 CSI -RPT Nine 1,290,000 309,000 421,000 252,000 157,000 152,000
11 AUST FIA FORMULA ONE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP 2008 - RACE Ten 1,273,000 199,000 627,000 173,000 195,000 79,000
12 SCU: SERIOUS CRASH UNIT Seven 1,266,000 300,000 339,000 280,000 170,000 176,000
13 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SUN Ten 1,241,000 224,000 543,000 145,000 208,000 122,000
14 THE VICAR OF DIBLEY Seven 1,240,000 311,000 325,000 244,000 153,000 207,000
15 DOC MARTIN ABC 1,239,000 403,000 370,000 234,000 121,000 111,000
16 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,227,000 324,000 336,000 254,000 134,000 180,000
17 AUST FIA FORMULA ONE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP 2008 - RACE REVIEW Ten 1,203,000 215,000 591,000 122,000 201,000 74,000
18 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,164,000 330,000 286,000 261,000 131,000 157,000
19 60 MINUTES Nine 1,157,000 342,000 324,000 256,000 95,000 140,000
20 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT ABC 1,140,000 293,000 346,000 214,000 153,000 135,000
21 THE FOOTY SHOW Nine 1,128,000 302,000 442,000 138,000 128,000 118,000
22 SEVEN WONDERS OF THE INDUSTRIAL WORLD Seven 1,115,000 297,000 310,000 237,000 130,000 141,000
23 NINE NEWS Nine 1,103,000 268,000 359,000 258,000 129,000 89,000
24 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS (R) Seven 1,102,000 347,000 247,000 237,000 117,000 154,000
25 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - ELIMINATION Ten 1,095,000 260,000 394,000 198,000 119,000 124,000
26 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,093,000 308,000 315,000 207,000 117,000 146,000
27 GOOD NEWS WEEK Ten 1,082,000 353,000 367,000 160,000 105,000 97,000
28 HOUSE RPT Ten 1,062,000 279,000 246,000 249,000 112,000 176,000
29 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,054,000 272,000 322,000 250,000 118,000 93,000
30 IT TAKES TWO: COUNTDOWN TO THE FINALS Seven 1,052,000 290,000 291,000 216,000 109,000 147,000
31 KATH & KIM (R) Seven 1,049,000 260,000 272,000 227,000 133,000 157,000
32 WOMEN'S MURDER CLUB Ten 1,040,000 272,000 286,000 229,000 123,000 129,000
33 ABC NEWS-SA ABC 1,037,000 343,000 317,000 196,000 103,000 79,000
34 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 1,031,000 271,000 286,000 225,000 117,000 133,000
35 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,031,000 275,000 319,000 200,000 117,000 120,000
36 ABC NEWS ABC 1,029,000 302,000 305,000 199,000 103,000 120,000
37 THE CHOPPING BLOCK Nine 1,028,000 278,000 308,000 215,000 112,000 115,000
38 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 993,000 272,000 285,000 224,000 108,000 103,000
39 ANIMAL EMERGENCY Nine 993,000 265,000 271,000 250,000 104,000 103,000
40 ABC NEWS-SU ABC 987,000 285,000 308,000 205,000 78,000 112,000

.What Australia watched, Saturday
Over the week, Seven averaged 27.4 per cent of the prime time audience, Nine was on 25.5, Ten on 24.4, ABC on 17.2 and SBS on 5.5.
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 DOC MARTIN ABC 1,239,000 403,000 370,000 234,000 121,000 111,000
2 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC 1,037,000 343,000 317,000 196,000 103,000 79,000
3 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 993,000 272,000 285,000 224,000 108,000 103,000
4 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 978,000 277,000 314,000 212,000 111,000 63,000
5 COLLECTORS (SHORTS) ABC 927,000 306,000 285,000 160,000 86,000 90,000
6 BILL ABC 885,000 273,000 258,000 158,000 85,000 111,000
7 M-ICE AGE Seven 883,000 270,000 258,000 172,000 98,000 85,000
10 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Ten 773,000 104,000 303,000 109,000 111,000 146,000
12 M-GALAXY QUEST Seven 678,000 215,000 153,000 157,000 86,000 67,000
13 THE TIME MACHINE -RPT Nine 665,000 210,000 205,000 130,000 73,000 46,000
16 2008 OLYMPIC SWIMMING TRIALS Nine 516,000 198,000 107,000 130,000 46,000 36,000
17 TOP GEAR (SERIES 1) SBS 472,000 158,000 143,000 81,000 51,000 38,000
18 KEEPING UP APPEARANCES Seven 460,000 151,000 114,000 71,000 70,000 54,000
19 M-THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY Seven 443,000 158,000 86,000 79,000 67,000 54,000

What Australia watched, Good Friday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,449,000 392,000 430,000 282,000 155,000 189,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,282,000 334,000 407,000 242,000 129,000 169,000
3 NINE NEWS Nine 1,161,000 274,000 409,000 260,000 120,000 97,000
4 MIDSOMER MURDERS RPT ABC 1,140,000 293,000 346,000 214,000 153,000 135,000
5 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,130,000 332,000 317,000 234,000 121,000 127,000
6 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,002,000 240,000 321,000 240,000 111,000 91,000
7 ABC NEWS ABC 934,000 272,000 248,000 199,000 90,000 124,000
8 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 915,000 258,000 287,000 179,000 110,000 82,000
9 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS (R) Seven 855,000 347,000 Not shown 237,000 117,000 154,000
10 THE TRIUMPH (THE RON CLARK STORY) RPT Ten 833,000 227,000 265,000 119,000 92,000 130,000
16 COMPASS SPECIAL ABC 708,000 189,000 188,000 155,000 85,000 91,000
17 GRUMPY OLD WOMEN RPT ABC 686,000 187,000 197,000 106,000 111,000 85,000
19 NINE'S LIVE FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 639,000 373,000 Not shown 266,000 Not shown Not shown
27 NINE'S FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 435,000 292,000 Not shown 143,000 Not shown Not shown

What Australia watched, Thursday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,127,000 302,000 276,000 265,000 127,000 157,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,013,000 286,000 269,000 215,000 106,000 137,000
3 HOME AND AWAY Seven 995,000 286,000 238,000 227,000 105,000 139,000
4 ABC NEWS ABC 985,000 300,000 304,000 191,000 94,000 97,000
5 NINE NEWS Nine 951,000 276,000 258,000 223,000 118,000 76,000
6 SAMANTHA WHO? Seven 919,000 266,000 232,000 225,000 89,000 108,000
7 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER Seven 879,000 276,000 211,000 210,000 76,000 105,000
8 GETAWAY Nine 878,000 272,000 218,000 213,000 79,000 96,000
9 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 845,000 223,000 218,000 213,000 100,000 90,000
10 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 820,000 215,000 287,000 167,000 73,000 78,000
11 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 783,000 193,000 244,000 144,000 93,000 110,000
12 THURSDAY NIGHT AFL Ten 758,000 Not shown 466,000 32,000 119,000 141,000
15 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 1: PORT ADELAIDE VS GEELONG Seven 706,000 29,000 366,000 31,000 180,000 100,000
18 LIFE ON MARS ABC 644,000 193,000 182,000 83,000 61,000 125,000
What Australia watched, Wednesday March 19
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,354,000 369,000 361,000 275,000 163,000 186,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,181,000 318,000 304,000 242,000 140,000 178,000
3 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,146,000 332,000 262,000 249,000 134,000 169,000
4 SEVEN WONDERS OF THE INDUSTRIAL WORLD Seven 1,115,000 297,000 310,000 237,000 130,000 141,000
5 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,112,000 351,000 301,000 252,000 124,000 83,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,084,000 289,000 350,000 246,000 117,000 83,000
7 HOUSE RPT Ten 1,062,000 279,000 246,000 249,000 112,000 176,000
8 ABC NEWS ABC 1,043,000 310,000 293,000 194,000 119,000 127,000
9 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,036,000 282,000 309,000 193,000 111,000 141,000
10 SPICKS AND SPECKS-EV ABC 1,031,000 271,000 286,000 225,000 117,000 133,000
11 THE CHOPPING BLOCK Nine 1,025,000 278,000 306,000 215,000 110,000 116,000
12 A TOUCH OF FROST (R) Seven 880,000 246,000 250,000 156,000 118,000 110,000
13 RULES OF ENGAGEMENT Ten 857,000 245,000 249,000 167,000 94,000 103,000
22 THE FOOTY SHOW Nine 689,000 Not shown 443,000 Not shown 129,000 118,000
23 STUPID STUPID MAN ABC 608,000 163,000 184,000 122,000 65,000

Poor old Channel Ten. The one night of the year it wins handsomely -- and it's not counted in official ratings! A combination of dancing, dieting and car racing gave Ten a 32.4 per cent share of the prime time audience on the first night of the Easter silly season. Nine and Seven will say Ten only won because they weren't trying, but it's still an impressive performance.

Seven won Tuesday and Wednesday, but at this point in the week Ten and Seven are neck and neck on 27.6 per cent of the prime time audience with Nine on 24.4, ABC on 15.0 and SBS on 5.5.

What Australia watched, Tuesday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 KITCHEN NIGHTMARES U.S.A. Nine 1,417,000 400,000 494,000 221,000 157,000 145,000
2 BONDI RESCUE RPT Ten 1,363,000 380,000 397,000 254,000 159,000 174,000
3 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,342,000 344,000 336,000 291,000 152,000 218,000
4 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,287,000 356,000 337,000 277,000 148,000 170,000
5 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,281,000 321,000 354,000 269,000 145,000 192,000
6 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,187,000 308,000 356,000 228,000 146,000 149,000
7 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,142,000 277,000 354,000 280,000 126,000 104,000
8 NINE NEWS Nine 1,122,000 241,000 385,000 268,000 127,000 101,000
9 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,093,000 308,000 315,000 207,000 117,000 146,000
10 ABC NEWS ABC 1,079,000 305,000 350,000 207,000 100,000 117,000
11 IT TAKES TWO: COUNTDOWN TO THE FINALS Seven 1,051,000 290,000 291,000 216,000 109,000 146,000
12 WOMEN'S MURDER CLUB Ten 1,045,000 274,000 288,000 230,000 124,000 130,000
13 LIFE BEGINS Seven 980,000 306,000 303,000 147,000 100,000 125,000
14 BURN NOTICE Ten 934,000 196,000 306,000 176,000 134,000 122,000
17 THE MOMENT OF TRUTH Nine 823,000 217,000 262,000 145,000 99,000 100,000
21 STUFF ABC 723,000 231,000 217,000 126,000 69,000 79,000
22 TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES Nine 671,000 186,000 218,000 114,000 92,000 61,000

What Australia watched, Monday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BORDER SECURITY - AUSTRALIA'S FRONT LINE (R) Seven 1,549,000 385,000 438,000 346,000 196,000 184,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,530,000 399,000 396,000 329,000 155,000 251,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,370,000 358,000 348,000 298,000 146,000 221,000
4 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - RESULTS Ten 1,364,000 388,000 456,000 265,000 119,000 136,000
5 CSI: -RPT Nine 1,279,000 306,000 419,000 250,000 153,000 151,000
6 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,269,000 345,000 279,000 318,000 149,000 178,000
7 SCU: SERIOUS CRASH UNIT Seven 1,266,000 300,000 339,000 280,000 170,000 176,000
8 NINE NEWS Nine 1,186,000 261,000 394,000 290,000 156,000 84,000
9 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,179,000 268,000 417,000 266,000 134,000 94,000
10 GOOD NEWS WEEK Ten 1,156,000 369,000 393,000 181,000 110,000 103,000
11 ABC NEWS ABC 1,109,000 324,000 336,000 203,000 111,000 135,000
12 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - ELIMINATION Ten 1,094,000 260,000 394,000 198,000 119,000 124,000
16 WILLIAM & KATE: A ROYAL ROMANCE Nine 847,000 221,000 271,000 155,000 96,000 104,000
18 AUSTRALIAN STORY ABC 805,000 247,000 229,000 169,000 74,000 86,000
21 FOUR CORNERS ABC 740,000 235,000 212,000 146,000 80,000 66,000
26 MYTHBUSTERS SBS 577,000 132,000 169,000 116,000 84,000 75,000

Last week a swearing chef saved Nine's bacon. With no cricket, no Underbelly in Melbourne, The Moment of Truth pulling a mere 844,000 on Tuesday and The Cashmere Mafia sinking to 851,000 viewers just as production was cancelled in America, Nine was at risk of massive humiliation.

But Gordon Ramsay attracted 1.2 million on Tuesday and 1.5 million on Thursday (when does he get time to cook in his restaurant?). This allowed Nine to average a respectable 27.6 per cent of the prime time audience. Seven got 28.2 per cent, Ten 22.5, ABC 16.6 and SBS 5.1.

The ABC scored best with Doc Martin on 1.23m and SBS scored best with Mythbusters on 511,000 (while the smartest show currently on television, Newstopia, was found by 201,000).

Now begins the Easter silly season, when for two weeks the stations behave as if nobody is watching - a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What Australia watched, Sunday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Ten 1,781,000 564,000 509,000 343,000 187,000 179,000
2 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WEIGH-IN Ten 1,375,000 362,000 435,000 260,000 166,000 152,000
3 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,375,000 376,000 433,000 277,000 187,000 103,000
4 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,342,000 346,000 313,000 323,000 143,000 217,000
5 AUST FIA FORMULA ONE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP 2008 - RACE REVIEW Ten 1,292,000 221,000 633,000 151,000 208,000 79,000
6 AUST FIA FORMULA ONE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP 2008 - RACE Ten 1,254,000 195,000 617,000 171,000 192,000 77,000
7 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SUN Ten 1,225,000 224,000 543,000 127,000 209,000 122,000
8 THE VICAR OF DIBLEY Seven 1,220,000 305,000 319,000 245,000 151,000 200,000
9 60 MINUTES Nine 1,159,000 342,000 325,000 258,000 95,000 140,000
10 KATH & KIM (R) Seven 1,000,000 253,000 252,000 218,000 127,000 149,000
11 ANIMAL EMERGENCY Nine 999,000 265,000 272,000 252,000 108,000 102,000
12 ABC NEWS-SUN ABC 987,000 285,000 308,000 205,000 78,000 112,000
13 RFDS: ROYAL FLYING DOCTOR SERVICE Nine 926,000 266,000 238,000 208,000 105,000 110,000
14 W.A.U: ON THIN ICE: PLIGHT OF THE POLAR BEAR Seven 910,000 219,000 202,000 221,000 109,000 159,000
15 CENTER STAGE RPT Ten 826,000 233,000 246,000 145,000 103,000 100,000
16 M-FACE/OFF Seven 770,000 203,000 238,000 124,000 98,000 107,000
17 THE SIMPSONS SUN Ten 719,000 150,000 297,000 112,000 74,000 86,000
18 ROBIN HOOD ABC 718,000 207,000 188,000 141,000 87,000 95,000
19 JEKYLL ABC 692,000 214,000 191,000 125,000 82,000 81,000
24 NINE'S SUNDAY FOOTBALL Nine 445,000 246,000 not shown 183,000 not shown 15,000

What Australia watched, week ending March 16
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 BORDER SECURITY Seven 1,607,000 454,000 454,000 339,000 163,000 197,000
2 CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION Nine 1,560,000 380,000 473,000 323,000 181,000 203,000
3 RAMSAY'S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES Nine 1,538,000 444,000 522,000 222,000 181,000 169,000
4 THE FORCE Seven 1,533,000 415,000 423,000 302,000 172,000 221,000
5 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA Ten 1,475,000 453,000 395,000 328,000 133,000 166,000
6 RSPCA ANIMAL RESCUE Seven 1,418,000 353,000 381,000 316,000 135,000 232,000
7 SEVEN NEWS - MONDAY-FRIDAY Seven 1,403,000 365,000 363,000 296,000 169,000 209,000
8 SEVEN NEWS - SUNDAY Seven 1,379,000 362,000 327,000 342,000 154,000 195,000
9 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE AUSTRALIA - RESULTS Ten 1,339,000 360,000 429,000 267,000 143,000 141,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,315,000 344,000 357,000 268,000 154,000 193,000
11 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,315,000 327,000 431,000 261,000 135,000 161,000
12 IT TAKES TWO Seven 1,283,000 374,000 368,000 246,000 130,000 165,000
13 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,256,000 383,000 324,000 232,000 150,000 167,000
14 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 1,245,000 357,000 402,000 185,000 121,000 181,000
15 60 MINUTES Nine 1,244,000 315,000 364,000 261,000 133,000 171,000
16 UNDERBELLY Nine 1,234,000 522,000 325,000 173,000 214,000
17 DOC MARTIN ABC 1,232,000 330,000 420,000 220,000 119,000 142,000
18 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,222,000 346,000 292,000 269,000 140,000 173,000
19 CSI: NY Nine 1,198,000 297,000 361,000 227,000 175,000 139,000
20 GREY'S ANATOMY Seven 1,190,000 403,000 303,000 213,000 108,000 163,000
21 THE REAL SEACHANGE Seven 1,173,000 317,000 276,000 255,000 107,000 217,000
22 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,172,000 334,000 380,000 174,000 131,000 153,000
23 SEVEN NEWS - SATURDAY Seven 1,166,000 286,000 345,000 259,000 108,000 168,000
24 KITCHEN NIGHTMARES U.S.A. Nine 1,160,000 322,000 411,000 191,000 119,000 118,000
25 NINE NEWS - MONDAY-FRIDAY Nine 1,150,000 292,000 378,000 240,000 146,000 95,000
26 THE BIGGEST LOSER - THE WEIGH-IN Ten 1,147,000 302,000 325,000 265,000 121,000 134,000
27 LAW AND ORDER: SVU Ten 1,142,000 365,000 263,000 231,000 127,000 155,000
28 THE FOOTY SHOW Nine 1,137,000 299,000 432,000 157,000 126,000 122,000
29 THE WEDDING CRASHERS Nine 1,100,000 282,000 322,000 193,000 113,000 189,000
30 ABC NEWS - MONDAY-FRIDAY ABC 1,098,000 297,000 356,000 218,000 108,000 120,000
31 A YEAR WITH THE ROYAL FAMILY Nine 1,093,000 305,000 338,000 234,000 98,000 119,000
32 THE BIGGEST LOSER - ELIMINATION Ten 1,088,000 267,000 408,000 177,000 117,000 118,000
33 NINE NEWS - SUNDAY Nine 1,086,000 270,000 346,000 245,000 147,000 79,000
34 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,075,000 275,000 347,000 247,000 120,000 87,000
35 THE CHOPPING BLOCK Nine 1,074,000 304,000 334,000 195,000 136,000 105,000
36 THE ZOO Seven 1,073,000 335,000 186,000 284,000 113,000 155,000
37 ABC NEWS - SATURDAY ABC 1,071,000 260,000 357,000 233,000 95,000 126,000
38 GETAWAY Nine 1,066,000 325,000 302,000 202,000 123,000 114,000
39 HOUSE Ten 1,061,000 331,000 307,000 188,000 120,000 116,000
40 DALZIEL AND PASCOE ABC 1,052,000 280,000 343,000 153,000 117,000 159,000
41 THE AMAZING RACE Seven 1,046,000 246,000 327,000 202,000 120,000 151,000
42 WOMEN'S MURDER CLUB Ten 1,036,000 238,000 295,000 242,000 126,000 134,000
43 THE BIGGEST LOSER Ten 1,018,000 242,000 336,000 198,000 117,000 124,000
44 LEWIS Seven 1,010,000 281,000 308,000 173,000 116,000 133,000
45 MOVIE: NATIONAL TREASURE Seven 996,000 255,000 318,000 226,000 102,000 95,000
46 NINE NEWS - SATURDAY Nine 989,000 208,000 325,000 217,000 144,000 96,000
47 GOOD NEWS WEEK Ten 972,000 283,000 304,000 181,000 107,000 97,000
48 BROTHERS & SISTERS Seven 958,000 339,000 288,000 151,000 85,000 96,000
49 ABC NEWS - SUNDAY ABC 949,000 280,000 304,000 175,000 88,000 103,000
50 BACK TO YOU Ten 948,000 264,000 314,000 179,000 92,000 99,000
51 COLLECTORS (SHORTS) ABC 942,000 258,000 316,000 164,000 87,000 117,000
52 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 940,000 234,000 314,000 173,000 106,000 113,000
(OzTAM mainland capitals)

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). To discuss Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale at 06:20 AM
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