The Sun-Herald

WHO WE ARE: The morning fog must disappear

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 29/4/2007
When you find yourself in times of trouble, here's an easy solution: move to Canberra. You'll be fitter, you'll go to more cultural events, you'll be less likely to commit suicide, you'll use the internet more, you'll make more money, and you'll live longer.

Your sex drive will go down, of course. But that's actually a positive, because you'll have more time to concentrate on the important things: your work.

Recent releases from the Bureau of Statistics suggest that if Canberra is not paradise on earth, it is certainly paradise in Australia. Everything is bigger, better and gayer there (compared with other capitals, it has the highest proportion of residents who are prepared to say they are living in same-sex relationships).

The Bureau revealed last month that "a boy born in the ACT during 2005 could expect to live 79.9 years, while a girl could expect to live 84.0 years. This compares with 78.5 and 83.3 years respectively, at the national level."

Not that a great number of children are actually being born there: the total fertility rate in the ACT is 1.65 births per woman, compared with a national figure of 1.81 births per woman.

An explanation for this apparent lack of sexual activity may be found in another release: "Canberrans have the highest sports participation rate in Australia ... Eight out of ten Canberrans (80%), aged 15 and over, participated at least once in sports and physical recreation activities during 2005-06. The national participation rate was 66%. Walking was the most popular activity, undertaken by one-third (36%) of Canberrans during 2005-06. Aerobics & fitness was the next most popular activity (18%), followed by cycling (12%)."

Presumably because it is based there, and because the politicians who fund it work there, the Bureau of Stats is passionate about discussing every scrap of data it can find about the national capital. Look at this menu of reports for the past 12 months, offered on the bureau's website:

"Household Wealth and Distribution in the ACT; School Age Population in the ACT; What will the 2006 Census reveal for the ACT and Queanbeyan areas?; Population changes in the ACT; State of Mental Wellbeing in the ACT; Health Risk Factors: How ACT residents shape up; The ACT Labour Force: Participation Rates and Unemployment Rates for Males and Females; Environmental Issues in the ACT; Tourist Accommodation in the ACT; Schools in the ACT; Recorded Crime in the ACT; Museums and Libraries in the ACT; Average Retail Prices in the ACT; Innovation in Business, ACT."

As a taxpayer, I have to say I'm slightly aggrieved that the Bureau does not display the same fascination with my city, which happens to be Sydney. But if it did, doubtless I'd only get depressed by the perpetual bad news. I guess the Bureau reports on Canberra so regularly in order to set an example of what every Australian city could be like if it only pulled its socks up.

Canberra is like that town called, I think, Seahaven, in the Jim Carrey movie - not the one called Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (though that would be appropriate) but The Truman Show. In the film, watching a TV program about Seahaven gave "hope and joy and inspiration to millions", according to the producer. Or it's like Camelot, where "The rain may never fall till after sundown. By eight, the morning fog must disappear. In short, there's simply not A more congenial spot For happily-ever-aftering than here in Camelot."

Thank God it's there, I say. If Canberra did not exist, it would be necessary to invent it.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. For further observations of Australian attitudes and behaviour, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in Who We Are at 09:43 AM
• Comments (76)

The ratings race: Week 17

This blog is now a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. To join the latest discussion on media and popular culture, go to www.smh.com.au/tribalmind.
What Australia watched, Saturday
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,335,000 298,000 348,000 265,000 179,000 245,000
2 NINE NEWS SAT Nine 1,220,000 341,000 381,000 200,000 193,000 104,000
3 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS Nine 1,179,000 321,000 318,000 224,000 157,000 158,000
4 PRIMEVAL Nine 1,044,000 290,000 296,000 199,000 129,000 130,000
5 THE GREAT OUTDOORS Seven 995,000 246,000 291,000 219,000 102,000 137,000
11 THE BILL for Daniel ABC 793,000 247,000 260,000 123,000 72,000 91,000
12 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Ten 718,000 136,000 260,000 111,000 109,000 102,000
15 THE SIDESHOW WITH PAUL MCDERMOTT ABC 606,000 185,000 190,000 99,000 62,000 70,000
17 ICC WORLD CUP CRICKET 2007 - FINAL SESSION 1 Nine 554,000 150,000 196,000 69,000 67,000 71,000
23 TOP GEAR RPT SBS 392,000 116,000 126,000 59,000 33,000 58,000
24 IRON CHEF SBS 367,000 116,000 116,000 43,000 39,000 53,000
25 ROCKWIZ SBS 359,000 100,000 138,000 40,000 33,000 48,000
34 BOWLS: FAME AND FUTURE CHARITY CHALLENGE 2007-PM ABC 236,000 40,000 77,000 55,000 41,000 24,000
43 SATURDAY AFTERNOON AFL Ten 193,000 193,000
57 SEVEN'S MOTORSPORT: V8 UTES Seven 156,000 26,000 42,000 40,000 35,000 14,000
71 NETBALL: THE COMMONWEALTH BANK TROPHY 2007-PM ABC 115,000 34,000 30,000 30,000 17,000 4,000

What Australia watched, Friday
Description Network Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,338,000 337,000 363,000 249,000 178,000 212,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,310,000 303,000 411,000 243,000 163,000 189,000
3 NINE NEWS Nine 1,167,000 346,000 365,000 216,000 146,000 94,000
4 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,145,000 336,000 375,000 192,000 139,000 103,000
5 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,116,000 346,000 405,000 187,000 178,000
6 TEMPTATION Nine 1,063,000 303,000 364,000 168,000 111,000 117,000
7 BIG BROTHER - FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE Ten 1,062,000 248,000 326,000 156,000 169,000 164,000
8 ABC NEWS ABC 1,053,000 315,000 320,000 160,000 104,000 154,000
9 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,037,000 293,000 300,000 169,000 130,000 144,000
10 BIG BROTHER Ten 918,000 223,000 249,000 168,000 155,000 123,000
19 PUSSYCAT DOLLS PRESENT: THE SEARCH FOR THE NEXT DOLL Ten 694,000 186,000 219,000 115,000 86,000 88,000
20 NINE'S LIVE FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 691,000 428,000 263,000
21 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 5: PORT ADELAIDE V ST. KILDA Seven 670,000 25,000 327,000 5,000 184,000 129,000
25 NINE'S FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 444,000 299,000 145,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

Updated 10 am Friday April 27
Channel Ten grabbed 33.2 per cent of the prime time audience on Thursday night, proving once again how much Australians love series finals. Seven is still slightly ahead for the whole week so far, but the appeal of various forms of footy will determine whether Nine can end up winning its first week for the year.

What Australia watched, Thursday
Description Network Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 THE BIGGEST LOSER - FINALE Ten 1,995,000 (Ten claims 2.02 million) 525,000 604,000 368,000 225,000 273,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,379,000 377,000 372,000 253,000 179,000 198,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,371,000 386,000 335,000 268,000 171,000 211,000
4 LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT RPT Ten 1,310,000 387,000 339,000 234,000 164,000 185,000
5 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,230,000 326,000 418,000 212,000 145,000 129,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,219,000 345,000 413,000 206,000 130,000 124,000
7 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,158,000 364,000 299,000 212,000 124,000 159,000
8 ABC NEWS ABC 1,125,000 290,000 348,000 201,000 123,000 162,000
9 BIG BROTHER Ten 1,092,000 231,000 335,000 241,000 139,000 146,000
10 TEMPTATION Nine 1,050,000 321,000 322,000 169,000 120,000 117,000
11 MISSING PERSONS UNIT Nine 947,000 258,000 319,000 140,000 118,000 113,000
12 LOST Seven 926,000 259,000 291,000 190,000 90,000 96,000
13 DEAL OR NO DEAL Seven 905,000 253,000 239,000 177,000 121,000 116,000
14 AIR CRASH INVESTIGATIONS Seven 901,000 242,000 261,000 181,000 99,000 118,000
15 GETAWAY Nine 896,000 245,000 283,000 186,000 79,000 102,000
16 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 841,000 188,000 235,000 140,000 144,000 135,000
17 THE FOOTY SHOW Nine 820,000 220,000 303,000 88,000 112,000 97,000
18 NEIGHBOURS Ten 803,000 200,000 224,000 142,000 115,000 122,000
19 7.30 REPORT ABC 791,000 224,000 253,000 127,000 86,000 102,000
20 THE AMAZING RACE: ALL STARS Seven 791,000 222,000 271,000 118,000 97,000 83,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

Here are the highlights of Wednesday, chosen to reflect the interests revealed in recent weeks by the people who post comments and questions on this blog. Channel Nine won last night, but only just, and at this point in the week, Seven is averaging 28.9 per cent of the prime time audience, with Nine on 26.4, Ten on 22.9, ABC on 16.3 and SBS on 5.4.

Description Network Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,618,000 439,000 394,000 322,000 193,000 270,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,580,000 447,000 392,000 322,000 161,000 258,000
3 NINE NEWS Nine 1,411,000 389,000 473,000 277,000 156,000 116,000
4 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 1,391,000 412,000 421,000 237,000 148,000 173,000
5 CHASER'S WAR ON EVERYTHING ABC 1,382,000 417,000 409,000 209,000 138,000 208,000
6 MCLEOD'S DAUGHTERS Nine 1,355,000 328,000 450,000 269,000 168,000 141,000
7 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 1,331,000 264,000 513,000 181,000 189,000 185,000
8 HOUSE Ten 1,325,000 364,000 417,000 219,000 154,000 170,000
14 ANZAC DAY AFL Ten 1,192,000 131,000 565,000 114,000 192,000 190,000
15 BIG BROTHER Ten 1,184,000 272,000 382,000 250,000 134,000 146,000
16 ABC NEWS ABC 1,164,000 370,000 350,000 181,000 107,000 156,000
17 LAST CHANCE LEARNERS Seven 1,140,000 325,000 343,000 219,000 99,000 155,000
18 HEROES Seven 1,108,000 285,000 332,000 218,000 112,000 161,000
21 DEAL OR NO DEAL Seven 1,028,000 300,000 275,000 185,000 122,000 146,000
22 PRISON BREAK - ON THE RUN Seven 983,000 259,000 331,000 168,000 106,000 119,000
28 THE CATHERINE TATE SHOW ABC 719,000 211,000 229,000 99,000 63,000 117,000
29 ANZAC DAY MARCH 2007-AM ABC 715,000 296,000 149,000 111,000 84,000 75,000
30 THE ULTIMATE DONATION Ten 668,000 199,000 188,000 106,000 83,000 92,000
31 BERT'S FAMILY FEUD Nine 593,000 179,000 201,000 96,000 72,000 46,000
34 GALLIPOLI DAWN SERVICE PM ABC 510,000 235,000 117,000 81,000 44,000 34,000
36 24 - THE NEW BEGINNING Seven 470,000 144,000 171,000 56,000 53,000 47,000
42 ICC WORLD CUP CRICKET 2007 - SEMI FINAL 2 SESSION 1 Nine 337,000 70,000 104,000 36,000 35,000 92,000
53 ANZAC DAY FROM THE MCG Ten 274,000 56,000 128,000 49,000 41,000
64 THE CATCH-UP Nine 238,000 70,000 69,000 41,000 24,000 34,000
79 BIG BROTHER - UP LATE Ten 191,000 65,000 56,000 29,000 23,000 19,000

What Australia watched, Tuesday
1 DANCING WITH THE STARS 6 Seven 1,899,000
2 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,496,000
3 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,461,000
4 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,381,000
5 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,247,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,230,000
7 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,190,000
8 TEMPTATION Nine 1,075,000
9 ABC NEWS ABC 1,070,000
10 BIG BROTHER Ten 1,058,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)
Seven won the night, and at this point in the week is averaging 29.8 per cent of the prime time audience, with Nine on 25.9, Ten on 23.3, ABC on 15.5 and SBS on 5.5.

What Australia watched, Monday April 23
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,487,000
2 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,428,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,347,000
4 BIG BROTHER - GAME ON Ten 1,324,000
5 1 VS 100 Nine 1,322,000
6 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 1,308,000
7 NINE NEWS Nine 1,290,000
8 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,219,000
9 THE RICH LIST Seven 1,162,000
10 CSI: NY Nine 1,144,000
11 TEMPTATION Nine 1,131,000
12 WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU Nine 1,025,000

Updated 10 am Monday April 23
The viewing was shared around pretty evenly between the Big Four networks on Sunday night, and all of them have reason to celebrate. Big Brother took off impressively for a six year old franchise, Ugly Betty recovered some of the gloss she lost last week, Robin Hood held his ground and Curtin brought out a streak of political nostalgia.

But Nine trumped everybody by playing the ANZAC card on 60 Minutes, and was rewarded with 27.1 per cent of the prime time audience, while Ten captured 25.3, Seven 24.6, and the ABC an extraordinary 19.1, leaving SBS with just 3.8 per cent.

This chart of Sunday's highlights is designed to anticipate the demands of the footy fans, who continue to live in hope that AFL will suddenly appeal to Sydney people and NRL will suddenly be shown in Melbourne ...

What Australia watched, Sunday
Description Network Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 60 MINUTES Nine 1,603,000 495,000 462,000 281,000 163,000 202,000
2 BIG BROTHER - OPENING Ten 1,549,000 413,000 443,000 293,000 205,000 195,000
3 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,515,000 446,000 474,000 282,000 194,000 119,000
4 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,484,000 359,000 393,000 286,000 171,000 274,000
5 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,398,000 325,000 431,000 244,000 181,000 217,000
6 GREY'S ANATOMY Seven 1,300,000 418,000 373,000 192,000 132,000 185,000
7 COUNTDOWN TO THE BIGGEST LOSER Ten 1,273,000 346,000 424,000 203,000 151,000 148,000
8 20 TO 1 Nine 1,234,000 375,000 363,000 226,000 136,000 133,000
9 UGLY BETTY Seven 1,216,000 333,000 357,000 190,000 146,000 191,000
10 CURTIN ABC 1,186,000 353,000 420,000 181,000 111,000 121,000
11 ROBIN HOOD ABC 1,106,000 288,000 347,000 214,000 115,000 141,000
12 ROVE Ten 1,073,000 286,000 347,000 166,000 134,000 141,000
20 PUSSYCAT DOLLS PRESENT: THE SEARCH FOR THE NEXT DOLL Ten 664,000 180,000 226,000 95,000 89,000 75,000
22 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 4: MELBOURNE V FREMANTLE Seven 623,000 61,000 219,000 56,000 107,000 181,000
25 NINE'S SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 498,000 293,000 M not shown A not shown 205,000 P not shown
29 NINE'S SUNDAY FOOTBALL Nine 421,000 257,000 M not shown 152,000 A not shown 13,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

And if you still have a taste for statistics, here are the figures for every opening night of Big Brother:

Year 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007
Week 1 1.63m 1.95m 2.22m 1.72m 1.58m 1.80m 1.55m

Last Tuesday Kevin Rudd, freshly resigned from his weekly spot on Channel Seven's Sunrise, went on Channel Nine's Mornings With Kerri-Anne and danced, cooked and spoke Mandarin. He was rewarded with 157,000 viewers in the mainland capitals, a small drop on Kerri-Anne's usual audience of 164,000 and about half his previous Sunrise audience. Rudd's minders must have wondered if the voters he converted with this performance were worth all the ridicule he got from the serious political journalists (a question that may have been rendered academic by Rudd's meeting with Rupert Murdoch later in the week).

He certainly didn't help Nine to climb out of its perennial second place in the ratings. Seven averaged 28.8 per cent of the prime time audience, while Nine managed 27.2 per cent (mainly on the strength of CSI on Sunday and its rugby league coverage on Friday). Channel Ten was the real winner, with The Biggest Loser pushing it to 23.1 per cent of the prime time audience. Ten would have done even better if its House hadn't been pulled down on Wednesday by the ABC's Spicks and Specks and The Chaser's War on Everything.

The ABC ended the week with a healthy share of 15.7 per cent, much helped by the 1.3 million who watched Robin Hood on Sunday. SBS managed 5.2 per cent, mainly on the strength of Mythbusters and repeats of Inspector Rex and Top Gear.

What Australia watched, week ending April 21
1 DANCING WITH THE STARS 6 Seven 1,953,000 599,000 613,000 344,000 185,000 212,000
2 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,603,000 486,000 523,000 241,000 171,000 181,000
3 CSI: SUNDAY Nine 1,512,000 411,000 502,000 238,000 187,000 173,000
4 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,487,000 471,000 457,000 225,000 189,000 145,000
5 60 MINUTES Nine 1,468,000 446,000 428,000 264,000 178,000 152,000
6 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,459,000 367,000 411,000 278,000 182,000 222,000
7 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,414,000 305,000 438,000 303,000 132,000 237,000
8 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,361,000 347,000 402,000 248,000 163,000 202,000
9 THE RICH LIST Seven 1,351,000 328,000 438,000 241,000 144,000 199,000
10 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,338,000 328,000 445,000 231,000 147,000 188,000
11 THE BIGGEST LOSER WEIGH-IN THURS Ten 1,323,000 318,000 464,000 239,000 153,000 149,000
12 CSI: MIAMI Nine 1,323,000 365,000 456,000 190,000 164,000 149,000
13 GREY'S ANATOMY Seven 1,319,000 358,000 464,000 208,000 135,000 153,000
14 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 1,306,000 387,000 400,000 211,000 132,000 176,000
15 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - ELIMINATION Ten 1,304,000 363,000 410,000 230,000 143,000 158,000
16 HOUSE Ten 1,294,000 372,000 326,000 244,000 135,000 217,000
17 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WEIGH-IN Ten 1,292,000 326,000 429,000 221,000 137,000 179,000
18 ROBIN HOOD ABC 1,290,000 359,000 407,000 243,000 114,000 167,000
19 20 TO 1 Nine 1,262,000 373,000 400,000 223,000 129,000 138,000
20 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,252,000 404,000 391,000 198,000 137,000 122,000
21 MCLEOD'S DAUGHTERS Nine 1,243,000 321,000 361,000 268,000 150,000 143,000
22 MY NAME IS EARL Seven 1,226,000 300,000 386,000 254,000 124,000 163,000
23 1 VS 100 Nine 1,224,000 337,000 419,000 162,000 157,000 150,000
24 LAW AND ORDER: SVU Ten 1,222,000 333,000 390,000 205,000 149,000 145,000
25 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,221,000 317,000 397,000 189,000 147,000 171,000
26 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,221,000 281,000 380,000 209,000 145,000 206,000
27 MISSING PERSONS UNIT Nine 1,214,000 372,000 389,000 206,000 129,000 118,000
28 THE CHASER'S WAR ON EVERYTHING ABC 1,198,000 398,000 309,000 230,000 123,000 137,000
29 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 1,195,000 343,000 328,000 239,000 148,000 137,000
30 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,193,000 306,000 383,000 230,000 113,000 161,000
31 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,189,000 347,000 371,000 194,000 162,000 116,000
32 UGLY BETTY Seven 1,189,000 296,000 421,000 175,000 144,000 153,000
33 ROVE Ten 1,185,000 315,000 425,000 164,000 129,000 153,000
34 NINE NEWS Nine 1,172,000 329,000 364,000 234,000 141,000 105,000
35 POLICE FILES - UNLOCKED Seven 1,161,000 241,000 441,000 208,000 112,000 159,000
36 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,160,000 304,000 379,000 237,000 133,000 107,000
37 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,155,000 323,000 326,000 215,000 122,000 169,000
38 THE BIGGEST LOSER ELIMINATION FRI Ten 1,126,000 291,000 349,000 187,000 153,000 146,000
39 HEROES Seven 1,124,000 271,000 429,000 182,000 104,000 137,000
40 LAST CHANCE LEARNERS Seven 1,119,000 253,000 420,000 204,000 113,000 130,000
41 WITHOUT A TRACE Nine 1,117,000 321,000 384,000 157,000 124,000 130,000
42 MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL 2007 Ten 1,095,000 254,000 384,000 180,000 121,000 155,000
43 LOST Seven 1,089,000 268,000 358,000 202,000 107,000 154,000
44 NCIS Ten 1,089,000 293,000 333,000 163,000 145,000 155,000
45 THE ALL NEW SIMPSONS Ten 1,074,000 232,000 403,000 152,000 101,000 187,000
46 COLD CASE Nine 1,065,000 305,000 372,000 166,000 101,000 121,000
47 BRING IT ON -RPT Nine 1,046,000 278,000 344,000 181,000 94,000 149,000
48 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 1,044,000 250,000 328,000 177,000 130,000 159,000
49 JAMIE AT HOME Ten 1,036,000 262,000 316,000 173,000 130,000 155,000
50 GETAWAY Nine 1,023,000 303,000 335,000 176,000 102,000 107,000

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. For further observations of Australian attitudes and behaviour, go to www.smh.com.au/tribalmind.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 10:55 AM
• Comments (139)

The Tribal Mind: Silly is as silly does

ANACHRONISTIC and counterproductive. Two big words to describe the just-concluded annual ritual called "the Easter non-ratings period'', a fortnight when the commercial TV networks imagine they don't have to bother with pleasing their viewers.

The ritual persists from an era when audiences were measured by functionaries who handed round "viewing diaries'' to a sample of households supposedly representative of the community. Over Easter, the diary-hander-outers needed a holiday, so ratings went on hold and, as with the proverbial tree falling in the forest, nobody cared what the stations were showing. Or so it seemed.

These days audiences are measured by "people meter'' boxes attached to TV sets in 4,000 sample homes, and even on public holidays they keep sending their data to OzTAM's central computer. That's why the notion of a "non-ratings period'' is anachronistic. It's counter-productive because the laziness of the commercial networks drives viewers to seek alternative forms of entertainment -- outlets that don't drop the ball for the holidays, such as the ABC and Pay TV.

Here's an example: In the week before Easter, the medical melodrama House attracted 1.5 million viewers in the mainland capitals. Channel Ten then rolled out two weeks of repeats, while the ABC showed new episodes of Spicks and Specks and The Chaser's War On Everything. Result: In the first week back, the new episode of House attracted a mere 1.3m, while Spicks and Chaser stayed above 1.2m. The House habit had been broken.

The boost for Pay TV is even more startling. Normally Australia's 1.9 million subscribers to Foxtel, Austar and Optus watch their subscription channels 55 per cent of the time. Over Easter they watch 63 per cent of the time, viz ...

What Australians watch on Pay TV when the free to airs put on a silly season (the Easter fortnight)
1 NRL: Sharks vs Dragons (Fox Sports 3) 310,000 (with 973,000 people watching other Pay programs at the same time).
2. AFL: Carlton v Richmond (Fox Sports 1) 211,000 (955,000 other viewers).
3. Australia's Next Top Model episode 3 (Fox 8) 169,000 (916,000).
4. Cricket: ICC World Cup starting 11.15 pm on April 8 (Fox Sports 3) 144,000 (344,000).
5. Movie: Jump In! (Disney Channel) 137,000 (1.29 million).
6. The Simpsons "There's Something About Marrying'' (Fox 8) 129,000 (748,000).
7. Law and Order: SVU "Contagious'' (TV1) 118,000 (1.02 m).
8. Movie: Chicken Little (Disney Channel) 107,000 (1.1m).
9. Futurama "The Cryonic Woman'' (Fox 8) 105,000 (732,000).
10. Band of Brothers Eps 3 and 4 (History Channel) 105,000 (1.05m).
11. Family Guy "Brian the Bachelor'' (Fox 8) 105,000 (798,000).
12. Law and Order: Criminal Intent "The View From Up Here'' (TV1) 97,000 (1.31m).

Pay TV will never reach more than 30 per cent of Australian households, but, along with the growth of the ABC and direct downloading of programs, it's a challenge to the complacency of the free-to-airs. If they continue to embrace anachronisms, they'll be pointing the blade at their own heart.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 07:44 AM
• Comments (9)

Culture: Action speaks louder

Mark Wahlberg, the poor man's Matt Damon, managed to fool enough Australians at the weekend that Shooter wasn't just a poor man's Bourne Identity, with the result that his action thriller became the most popular movie in cinemas. Its box office takings of $1.47 million finally knocked Mr Bean's Holiday ($1.18 million, total $15.2 million) off the top spot. The Spartan story 300 stayed in third position ($1.17 million, total $11.9 million), and Halle Berry's latest embarrassment, Perfect Stranger, earned $989,000 from people who hadn't read the reviews.

We welcome your comments

• in The Tribal Mind at 12:33 AM
• Comments (1)

WHO WE ARE: How Italy liberated us

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 22/4/2007
On Wednesday, a nation celebrates the heroism of thousands of young men who sacrificed their lives for freedom. The nation I'm talking about is, of course, Italy.

April 25 is what they call Liberation Day, commemorating the point in 1945 when the Germans surrendered, after occupying northern Italy for the final two years of the war. There'll be ceremonies to honour the partisans who pinned down the Nazis and their Fascist supporters while the Americans, British and Australians moved up the peninsula. It's perceived as a day of joyous victory from oppression.

The Italians came out of the war stereotyped as inept warriors and military losers. But the last laugh is with them. They went on to conquer the world without firing a single shot. All the images of coolness that clutter the collective unconscious of the west in the 21st century originated in the middle of the Mediterranean. Italy set the standards in fashion, film, food, furniture, and futurism.

Australia is their most successful colony. As I've noted before in this column, our national dish has become spaghetti bolognese, our national drink is cappuccino, and our national attitude is mellow. Here's how the cultural colonies are controlled:

The way things look: From the 1950s, the Fiat factory in Turin defined the image of sleekness and speed. The classic (and cliche) Sports Car is Italian. Meanwhile, Milan convinced us it's the only credible source of chairs, kettles, lamps, keyboards, jewellery and cheese-graters. Oh, and Milan made a few clothes as well.

The way we eat and drink: What are the most comforting foods in the world? Pizza and pasta, preferably hand-made. What's the tastiest salad dressing? Extra virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar. What's the trendiest dessert? Tiramisu. Best way to serve ham? Prosciutto. Most interesting sauce? Pesto. Best cheese for sprinkling? Parmesan. Most accessible red wine? Chianti.

The way we watch: Surnames such as De Niro, Scorsese, Coppola, Travolta, DeVito, Pacino, and Tarantino dominate film-making. Italy's particular contribution has been to crime stories, from The Untouchables on 60s television to The Sopranos in the Noughties, from The Godfather in 70s cinema to Ocean's Twelve in the Noughties.

The way we talk: Ciao, bella. If the Mafia hadn't existed, it would have been necessary to invent it, in order to populate a million plotlines about sweaty men with cigars and busty women with big hair, and to enlarge the English language with a label for any tight-knit semi-secret group.

So while we commemorate the last vestiges of our ties to the British Empire on Wednesday, we might also think about Liberation Day, and thank the half a million Italians who changed Australia over the last half century for liberating us from the monotony of our Anglo heritage.

At least half of what makes Australia such-a nice-a place in 2007 is the way we've embraced the most invigorating invasion in history.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in Who We Are at 12:44 AM
• Comments (74)

The ratings race: Week 16

This blog is now a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. To join the latest discussion on media and popular culture, go to www.smh.com.au/tribalmind.
Updated 10 am Sunday April 22
Here are the highlights of Friday's and Saturday's ratings, designed to satisfy the sports fans who seem to be the only people who read this column at the weekend, and the valiant few who stuck with the president till the end ...

What Australia watched, Saturday
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,221,000 281,000 380,000 209,000 145,000 206,000
2 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 1,189,000 347,000 371,000 194,000 162,000 116,000
3 MOVIE: BRING IT ON -RPT Nine 1,046,000 278,000 344,000 181,000 94,000 149,000
4 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 1,044,000 250,000 328,000 177,000 130,000 159,000
5 THE GREAT OUTDOORS Seven 982,000 297,000 288,000 184,000 97,000 116,000
8 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Ten 814,000 116,000 280,000 95,000 184,000 138,000
9 GREAT COMEDY CLASSICS Seven 794,000 217,000 247,000 146,000 76,000 107,000
10 THE BILL FOR DANIEL ABC 769,000 208,000 236,000 154,000 61,000 109,000
11 THE SIDESHOW WITH PAUL MCDERMOTT ABC 648,000 191,000 221,000 108,000 53,000 75,000
14 THE WEST WING FINALS ABC 615,000 209,000 186,000 128,000 44,000 49,000
16 SATURDAY AFTERNOON AFL Ten 589,000 51,000 255,000 52,000 139,000 92,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, Friday
Description Network Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,312,000 325,000 374,000 235,000 163,000 215,000
2 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,221,000 317,000 397,000 189,000 147,000 171,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,178,000 271,000 341,000 231,000 161,000 174,000
4 THE BIGGEST LOSER ELIMINATION Ten 1,126,000 291,000 349,000 187,000 153,000 146,000
5 NINE NEWS Nine 1,051,000 324,000 288,000 201,000 139,000 99,000

6 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,048,000 290,000 310,000 181,000 104,000 163,000
7 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,036,000 287,000 331,000 214,000 111,000 93,000
8 ABC NEWS ABC 963,000 288,000 274,000 152,000 108,000 141,000
9 MURPHY'S LAW ABC 879,000 236,000 247,000 151,000 111,000 134,000
13 NINE'S LIVE FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 795,000 Sydney 433,000 Brisbane 362,000
18 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 4: RICHMOND V WESTERN BULLDOGS Seven 692,000 17,000 396,000 12,000 142,000 126,000
24 THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL Ten 477,000 141,000 127,000 80,000 62,000 67,000
26 SUNRISE Seven 392,000 133,000 85,000 97,000 41,000 36,000
29 ICC WORLD CUP CRICKET 2007 - SUPER 8 GAME 23 SESSION 1 Nine 379,000 83,000 146,000 45,000 52,000 54,000
32 VERONICA MARS Ten 311,000 70,000 113,000 45,000 47,000 36,000
83 THE CATCH-UP Nine 149,000 43,000 33,000 29,000 21,000 24,000
87 MORNINGS WITH KERRI-ANNE Nine 141,000 62,000 29,000 24,000 18,000 9,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, Thursday
1. Seven News Seven 1.374
2. The Biggest Loser Ten 1.323
3. Today Tonight Seven 1.304
4. My Name Is Earl Seven 1.226
5. Law and Order: SVU Ten 1.223
6. Missing Persons Unit Nine 1.212
7. A Current Affair Nine 1.134
8. Nine News Nine 1.120
9. Lost Seven 1.089
10. Home and Away Seven 1.084
11. Jamie At Home Ten 1.042
12. Getaway Nine 1.022
13. Law and Order: Criminal Intent Ten 1.009
14. ABC News ABC 1.004
15. The Footy Show Nine 0.975
What Australia watched, Wednesday
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,403,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,324,000
3 HOUSE Ten 1,293,000
4 MCLEOD'S DAUGHTERS Nine 1,243,000
5 NINE NEWS Nine 1,216,000
6 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,208,000
7 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 1,205,000
8 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,195,000
9 THE CHASER'S WAR ON EVERYTHING ABC 1,184,000
10 POLICE FILES - UNLOCKED Seven 1,161,000
11 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,136,000
12 HEROES Seven 1,124,000
13 LAST CHANCE LEARNERS Seven 1,119,000
14 WITHOUT A TRACE Nine 1,117,000
15 COLD CASE Nine 1,069,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

Seven won Wednesday, and is now averaging 30.0 per cent of the prime time audience, with Nine on 26.3, Ten on 23.2, ABC on 15.4 and SBS on 4.7.

Updated 10 am Wednesday April 18
The eviction of Jamie Durie and the injury of Fifi Box brought Channel Seven back to number one last night. After a collapse on Sunday, it is now averaging 30.7 per cent of the prime time audience, with Nine on 26.4, Ten on 23.2, ABC on 14.5 and SBS on 5.1. The closing moments of The Biggest Loser are elevating Channel Ten's spirits, but the big question is whether a new episode of House can bring back the viewers who skipped off to the ABC last week in pursuit of The Chaser.

What Australia watched, Tuesday April 17
Description Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 DANCING WITH THE STARS 6 Seven 1,953,000 599,000 613,000 344,000 185,000 212,000
2 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,603,000 486,000 523,000 241,000 171,000 181,000
3 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,563,000 391,000 437,000 303,000 190,000 242,000
4 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,461,000 382,000 442,000 253,000 167,000 217,000
5 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,232,000 351,000 350,000 221,000 128,000 182,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,231,000 375,000 390,000 240,000 126,000 100,000
7 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,186,000 293,000 378,000 224,000 115,000 176,000
8 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,164,000 290,000 408,000 229,000 132,000 104,000
9 ABC NEWS ABC 1,108,000 332,000 347,000 166,000 128,000 135,000
10 NCIS Ten 1,087,000 294,000 332,000 164,000 144,000 153,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, Monday April 16
Description Network Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,645,000 453,000 445,000 336,000 199,000 213,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,526,000 416,000 443,000 318,000 162,000 187,000
3 THE RICH LIST Seven 1,351,000 328,000 438,000 241,000 144,000 199,000
4 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 1,306,000 387,000 400,000 211,000 132,000 176,000
5 THE BIGGEST LOSER ELIMINATION Ten 1,302,000 362,000 410,000 230,000 143,000 157,000
6 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,273,000 369,000 364,000 235,000 132,000 173,000
7 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,267,000 320,000 394,000 258,000 156,000 139,000
8 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,261,000 407,000 393,000 200,000 136,000 124,000
9 NINE NEWS Nine 1,226,000 304,000 402,000 237,000 147,000 135,000
10 1 VS 100 Nine 1,148,000 334,000 415,000 161,000 157,000 80,000
11 MELBOURNE COMEDY FESTIVAL GALA 2007 Ten 1,098,000 255,000 385,000 181,000 122,000 155,000
12 ABC NEWS ABC 1,051,000 289,000 301,000 189,000 114,000 157,000
13 BROTHERS & SISTERS Seven 983,000 300,000 333,000 123,000 112,000 115,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

It was back to normal for the TV stations last night, after a two week mini silly season. But it wasn't normal as Seven has come to know it -- more like normal for a Sunday in the early 21st century.

Channel Nine won a night on which Seven thought it had a lock. As thousands shifted from Grey's Anatomy to CSI, Nine captured 31.2 per cent of the prime time audience, leaving Seven on 25.6 per cent, Ten on 23.0, ABC on a healthy 16.3 (thanks to Robin Hood) and SBS on 4.0.

Seven may need to rethink its operating maxim :"As Sunday goes, so goes the week and so goes the year". Next Sunday Ten will siphon off more of Seven's viewers, with the return of Big Brother. Even without Gretel's crew, Ten had its best Sunday of the year, as the dying moments of The Biggest Loser pulled viewers from Ugly Betty. Nine's strategy becomes apparent: do nothing new and let Seven and Ten tear each other apart.

What Australia watched, Sunday
1 CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION Nine 1,512,000
2 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,486,000
3 60 MINUTES Nine 1,466,000
4 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,401,000
5 CSI: MIAMI Nine 1,331,000
6 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,322,000
7 GREY'S ANATOMY Seven 1,318,000
8 THE BIGGEST LOSER WEIGH-IN Ten 1,310,000
9 ROBIN HOOD ABC 1,298,000
10 UGLY BETTY Seven 1,218,000
11 ROVE Ten 1,209,000
12 20 TO 1 Nine 1,133,000
13 ABC NEWS-SUN ABC 1,002,000
14 THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE RPT Ten 975,000
15 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SUN Ten 952,000
16 WHAT ABOUT BRIAN Seven 865,000
17 CREATURE COMFORTS ABC 800,000
18 PUSSYCAT DOLLS PRESENT: THE SEARCH FOR THE NEXT DOLL Ten 773,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

And for the footy freaks ...
26 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 3: MELBOURNE V GEELONG Seven 482,000 S 6,000 M 265,000 B 1,000 A 100,000 P 111,000
28 NINE'S SUNDAY FOOTBALL Nine 411,000 S 253,000 M Not shown B 140,000 A Not shown P 18,000

Viewing was down over the past fortnight, either because Australians went away on hols or because they got disgusted at the number of repeats and flops on the commercial networks, who were using the "non-ratings period'' as an excuse to go slack. The ABC kept the flag of quality flying, and was rewarded with two programs in the top ten for the week: Spicks and Specks and The Chaser's War on Everything. When the commercials resume normal programming this week, they can anticipate some residual resentment.

You may be interested to compare our table below with the US ratings for last Monday, which went like this: 1 Dancing With the Stars 18.7 million; 2 CSI: Miami 15.9m; 3 King of Queens 13.4m; 4 Two and a Half Men 13.4m; 5 24 11.4m; 6 Deal or No Deal 10.9m; 7 The Bachelor 9.2m; 8 Thank God You're Here! 9.6m.

Yes, Australia sold America a program format, and it worked, despite the dire predictions of syndicated critic Tom Dorsey: "Thank God You're Here! is an Americanized version of an Australian show. Maybe it went over better down under than it will here ... There are some amusing moments and a few good instant quips, but you have to be an improv lover to really get a kick out of this show. These are all first-rate comics, but what the improv formula demonstrates is how important writers and good scripts are. Thank God You're Here! fits NBC's new plan to produce cheap shows, but efforts like this aren't going to boost its ratings."

What Australia watched, week ending April 14
1 DANCING WITH THE STARS 6 Seven 1,814,000
2 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,508,000
3 1 VS 100 Nine 1,448,000
4 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,396,000
5 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,377,000
6 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,351,000
7 MCLEOD'S DAUGHTERS Nine 1,333,000
8 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - ELIMINATION Ten 1,319,000
9 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 1,310,000
10 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE ELIMINATED RETURN Ten 1,299,000
11 THE CHASER'S WAR ON EVERYTHING ABC 1,288,000
12 MISSING PERSONS UNIT Nine 1,263,000
13 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS (R) Seven 1,263,000
14 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,233,000
15 NINE NEWS Nine 1,228,000
16 BONDI RESCUE RPT Ten 1,226,000
17 AIR CRASH INVESTIGATIONS Seven 1,212,000
18 MY NAME IS EARL Seven 1,204,000
19 GETAWAY Nine 1,193,000
20 NATIONAL NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,182,000
21 EXTREME: CELEBRITY SURGERY Seven 1,181,000
22 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,151,000
23 LAW AND ORDER: SVU RPT Ten 1,145,000
24 HEROES Seven 1,140,000
25 60 MINUTES Nine 1,134,000
26 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,120,000
27 LOST Seven 1,113,000
28 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,088,000
29 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER Seven 1,088,000
30 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WEIGH-IN Ten 1,088,000
31 THE FOOTY SHOW Nine 1,070,000
32 CSI: NY -RPT Nine 1,061,000
33 NCIS RPT Ten 1,052,000
34 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,050,000
35 HOUSE RPT Ten 1,034,000

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. For further observations of Australian attitudes and behaviour, go to www.smh.com.au/tribalmind.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 10:23 AM
• Comments (118)

Culture: Mr Bean squashes Spartans

Yer Spartans may look tough, but they have no staying power, while yer Mr Bean looks silly, but is the most durable little devil.

Trying to figure what the kids have been seeing over the school holidays, this column discovered that takings for the partly Australian melodrama 300, about the Greeks versus the Iranians in 480BC, dropped 60 per cent in its second week in cinemas, suggesting it has been getting terrible word of mouth. But in its third week in cinemas, Mr Bean's Holiday fell by only 34 per cent and regained the number one spot on the box office chart.

The cinema chart now goes 1. Mr Bean's Holiday (total $14.0 million); 2. 300 ($10.7m); 3. Meet the Robinsons ($6.3m); 4. TMNT ($5.4m); 5 Disturbia ($2.6m. The Bra Boys documentary has dropped out of the top 15 with a grand total of $1.5m.

We welcome your comments.

• in The Tribal Mind at 01:02 AM
• Comments (2)

Our icons have Australia Post licked

Some things you do in this life come back to haunt you. A few years ago this column suggested to Australia Post that it issue a series of stamps depicting Australia's icons. We conducted a poll and established that, in the view of Stay in Touch readers, the Australian icons most suitable for depiction on a stamp were:

1. Vegemite; 2. An Akubra hat/Driza-Bone; 3. A meat pie and tomato sauce; 4. A lifesaver and a surf-reel; 5. A Hills hoist; 6. Sydney Harbour Bridge/Opera House; 7. Uluru; 8. A Holden; 9. A can of beer; 10. A lamington. The runners up included Aeroplane Jelly, a Granny Smith apple, a didgeridoo, Bananas in Pyjamas, a property developer and a garden swan made out of a peeled-back tyre, painted white.

In the end Australia Post declined all our readers' suggestions and instead issued a series on Australian movies. We broke off all communication.

Yesterday, when we were perusing the online magazine Stamp Bulletin, we discovered that Australia Post plans to issue a stamp series titled "Big Things" on June 5 to celebrate the "giant kitsch replicas" that dot our countryside. As Australia Post says: "From representing iconic Australiana, Big Things themselves have become iconic for many Australians." The Big Things were painted by Reg Mombassa, legendary for his work on Mambo's equally iconic "loud" shirts.

We don't dispute the right of the Big Golden Guitar (Tamworth), the Big Lobster (Kingston, South Australia), the Big Banana (Coffs Harbour), the Big Merino (Goulburn) and the Big Pineapple (Nambour, Queensland) to be called icons, but we demand to know how Australia Post has the nerve to exclude the Big Potato (Robertson), the Big Bull (Wauchope), the Big Prawn (Ballina), the Big Cheese (Bega), the Big Crocodile (Wyndham, Western Australia), the Big Orange (Berri, South Australia), and the Big Peanut (Kingaroy, Queensland).

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• in The Tribal Mind at 12:10 AM
• Comments (14)

The Tribal Mind: Not quite the latest model

by David Dale
Pay television has a huge hit on its hands, but you'd never know this from the weekly ratings chart. Still licking their wounds from the performance of the expensively publicised dramas Dangerous and Love My Way -- both of which failed to attract more than 100,000 viewers for any episode -- the Pay people were cheered to find a program last Tuesday attracting 143,000 viewers in the mainland capitals, plus a further 26,000 when it was repeated two hours later.

Since Pay TV reaches only 25 per cent of Australian homes, 143,000 is a breathtaking result for anything that is not a football match. The show concerned is Australia's Next Top Model, about a bunch of skinny neurotics getting groomed for stardom by a wooden Jodhi Meares.

But if you look at the chart of the most watched Pay programs for last week, issued yesterday by the official ratings agency OzTAM, you find Australia's Next Top Model appears at number 14, with 64,000 viewers. What's going on here?

The answer to this mystery explains why the Pay people are currently uncomfortable about their relationship with OzTAM (jointly owned by Channels Nine, Seven and Ten), and why they have not yet signed up to have their audiences measured next year by OzTAM's supplier, AGB Nielsen Media Research.

What happened was that OzTAM's dumb computer added up the audiences across all showings of Model last week, and averaged them, thereby making its popularity look modest instead of large. Curiously, OzTAM's computer does not do this when, for example, Channel Seven shows a repeat of Desperate Housewives in the same week as the first showing. If you averaged a first audience of 1.5 million and a second audience of 300,000, you'd get 900,000, which would take the housewives out of the week's top ten.

This bit of statistical silliness adds paranoia to the poisonous relationship that currently exists between the Free to Air operators and the Pay operators. Last week, Julie Flynn, CEO of the the lobby group called Free TV, put out this statement: "Advertisers deserve better than the smoke and mirrors act dished up by Pay TV ... We're still waiting for any substantiation of their oft-bandied claims of 'superior viewer engagement' or 'quality of audience'.''

Debra Richards, executive director of ASTRA (which represents Austar, Foxtel and Optus) responded: "Whichever way you choose to cut the numbers, viewing of subscription television is on the rise ... All metro Free-to-Air viewing is down 6 per cent while subscription TV is growing at more than 14 per cent, thereby mitigating the loss of viewing to television generally.''

This column loves a good stoush, so we'll record the next bombardments in this war next week.
Meanwhile, this is the contentious OzTAM Pay TV chart for the mainland capitals last week:

1 LIVE: NRL DRAGONS V STORM FOX Sports 3 200,642
2 LIVE: NRL SHARKS V DRAGONS FOX Sports 3 199,790
3 LIVE: NRL BULLDOGS V SEA EAGLES FOX Sports 3 176,465
4 LIVE: NRL SEA EAGLES V WARRIORS FOX Sports 3 155,409
5 LIVE & ACTIVE: AFL WESTERN BULLDOGS V ADELAIDE FOX Sports 1 121,913
6 MOVIE: JUMP IN! Disney Channel 113,774
7 LIVE: AFL PORT ADELAIDE V ADELAIDE FOX Sports 1 103,757
8 LIVE: AFL FREMANTLE V WEST COAST FOX Sports 1 102,520
9 LIVE: AFL PORT ADELAIDE V KANGAROOS FOX Sports 1 80,328
10 LIVE: RUGBY UNION: S14 BRUMB V WARATAHS FOX Sports 2 76,313
11 CRICKET: ICC WORLD CUP FOX Sports 1 72,071
12 LIVE: NRL MONDAY PRE GAME SHOW FOX Sports 3 66,923
13 LIVE: RUGBY UNION: S14 WARATAHS V REDS FOX Sports 2 65,553
14 AUSTRALIA'S NEXT TOP MODEL FOX8 64,159
15 LIVE: NRL MONDAY POST GAME SHOW FOX Sports 3 60,170
16 LIVE: AFL PRE GAME SHOW FOX Sports 1 59,850
17 INSPECTOR LYNLEY UKTV 59,200
18 LEROY & STITCH Disney Channel 55,896
19 THE KING OF QUEENS FOX8 55,524
20 LIVE: RUGBY UNION: S14 HURR V CHEETAHS FOX Sports 2 54,242

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 12:11 AM
• Comments (18)

WHO WE ARE: How they bang for our bucks

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 15/4/2007
It may not feel like it, but you're getting richer. We all are. One way to confirm this proposition is to look at the tax we're paying. The Bureau of Statistics reported last week that in the year 2006, the average Australian paid $14,551 in taxes. That included income tax, GST, stamp duty, local council rates, and every other way our rulers have found to screw money out of us. In the year 2001, the average Australian paid taxes totalling $11,118.
That $14,551 could buy a nice round-the-world trip, with a few nights at the Ritz in Paris, for every one of us. So they'd bloody better be spending our money on stuff we need. Because, of course, our governments are getting richer too. We handed the federal government $245 billion in 2006, up from $176 billion in 2001. About $68 billion of that was in the form of GST, and $176 billion was income tax.

We gave our State governments $44 billion last year ($13 billion of which was payroll taxes, and $17 billion was property taxes). That was up from $33 billion in 2001. And we gave local councils $9 billion (up from $6 billion in 2001).

So what do they spend it on, and is it worth all of us taxpayers forgoing those nights at the Ritz? If you take the Government's propaganda at face value, it looks pretty impressive -- $91 billion last year on social security and welfare, $39 billion on health, $17 billion on defence, and $16 billion on education, even if you might raise an eyebrow at a figure of $29 billion for "general government services".

But such Big Picture assertions only boggle the mind. As ever, God is in the details. And when you go looking for the details in the Budget papers, you find a fascinating literary phenomenon. The bureaucrats who spend our money are now obliged to write a description of the "outcome" they expect that money to achieve.

Some are better at it than others. For example, justifying the $7.3 million it received last year, the Office of Film and Literature Classification (our censors) say "Outcome: Australians make informed decisions about films, publications and computer games which they, or those in their care, may view".

ASIO's outcome writer could learn from the censors. How vague is this for $174 million: "A secure Australia for people and property, for government business and national infrastructure and for special events of a national and international significance." Where's the promise to stop terrorism and right wing plots?

The Australia Council justifies its $150 million with "Australian citizens and civic institutions appreciate, understand, participate in, enjoy and celebrate the arts". Do they really? That's reassuring. The ABC's $774 million last year ensured "audiences throughout Australia and overseas are informed, educated and entertained."

The outcome I found most plausible was this: "Informed decision making, research and discussion within governments and the community, based on the provision of a high quality, objective and responsive national statistical service". Can't think of a more worthy recipient of $318 million than the Australian Bureau of Statistics, which keeps all the other bastards honest.

On what do you think the government should spend your money -- and NOT spend your money?

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in Who We Are at 01:22 AM
• Comments (16)

The ratings race: The viewers are back from hols ...

What Australia watched, Thursday April 12
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,379,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,326,000
3 MISSING PERSONS UNIT Nine 1,256,000
4 MY NAME IS EARL Seven 1,204,000
5 NINE NEWS Nine 1,203,000
6 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,182,000
7 GETAWAY Nine 1,180,000
8 LAW AND ORDER: SVU RPT Ten 1,149,000
9 THE FOOTY SHOW Nine 1,136,000
10 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,128,000
11 LOST Seven 1,113,000
12 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER Seven 1,088,000
13 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,075,000
14 TEMPTATION Nine 1,012,000
15 LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT RPT Ten 951,000

What Australia watched, Wednesday
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,387,000
2 MCLEOD'S DAUGHTERS Nine 1,333,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,326,000
4 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 1,310,000
5 THE CHASER'S WAR ON EVERYTHING ABC 1,303,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,290,000
7 AIR CRASH INVESTIGATIONS Seven 1,212,000
8 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,177,000
9 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,154,000
10 HEROES Seven 1,140,000
11 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,140,000
12 TEMPTATION Nine 1,055,000
13 HOUSE RPT Ten 1,034,000
14 PRISON BREAK - ON THE RUN Seven 992,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

Updated 10 am Wednesday April 11
The viewers are back from hols, or at least, the dancing fans are back from hols. Or possibly the gay farmers went on hols and failed to vote for David.
What Australia watched, Tuesday April 10
1 DANCING WITH THE STARS 6 Seven 1,794,000
2 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,609,000
3 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,444,000
4 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,378,000
5 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE ELIMINATED RETURN Ten 1,299,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,214,000
7 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,160,000
8 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,148,000
9 NCIS RPT Ten 1,057,000
10 TEMPTATION Nine 988,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

Updated 10 am Tuesday April 10
Australians won't watch their own movies, even when Toni Collette does a nude scene. Look at the result for Japanese Story on Monday night. In one of the prime positions of the week, where people are used to tuning to Seven for Desperate Housewives, it barely beat Mythbusters and handed 200,000 viewers to Eddie McGuire.

What Australia watched, Monday
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,533,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,530,000
3 1 VS 100 Nine 1,439,000
4 THE BIGGEST LOSER ELIMINATION Ten 1,319,000
5 NINE NEWS Nine 1,296,000
6 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,238,000
7 BONDI RESCUE RPT Ten 1,226,000
8 EXTREME: CELEBRITY SURGERY Seven 1,167,000
9 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,166,000
10 CSI: NY -RPT Nine 1,067,000
11 TEMPTATION Nine 1,037,000
12 ABC NEWS ABC 1,021,000
13 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 973,000
14 WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU -RPT Nine 955,000
15 DEAL OR NO DEAL Seven 888,000
16 NEIGHBOURS Ten 841,000
17 7.30 REPORT ABC 825,000
18 AUSTRALIAN STORY ABC 807,000
19 M-JAPANESE STORY Seven 747,000
20 FOUR CORNERS ABC 745,000
21 COPS Ten 699,000
22 SUPERNATURAL RPT Ten 659,000
23 MONDAY AFTERNOON AFL Ten 658,000 (Syd 71,000 Mel 260,000 Bris 100,000 Ad 133,000 Perth 94,000)
24 MYTHBUSTERS SBS 644,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, Sunday April 8
1 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,368,000
2 AUSTRALIA'S GOT TALENT Seven 1,227,000
3 NINE NEWS SUN Nine 1,183,000
4 CSI -RPT Nine 1,140,000
5 60 MINUTES Nine 1,125,000
6 THE BIGGEST LOSER WEIGH-IN Ten 1,088,000
7 ROVE Ten 999,000
8 CSI: MIAMI -RPT Nine 958,000
9 THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE RPT Ten 865,000
10 MY FAMILY AND OTHER ANIMALS ABC 860,000
11 ABC NEWS-SUN ABC 837,000
12 ENTERTAINING FRIENDS WITH THE A.W.W. Nine 760,000
13 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SUN Ten 704,000
14 PUSSYCAT DOLLS PRESENT: THE SEARCH FOR THE NEXT DOLL Ten 678,000
15 THE GARDEN GURUS - SAVING YOUR BACKYARD Nine 663,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

Channel Ten may live to regret its failure to show a new episode of House last Wednesday. This fortnight is an official "non-ratings period", when viewers are presumed to be on holidays and networks take the excuse to "rest" their most important programs. But by showing a repeat last Wednesday, Ten sent thousands of lovers of black humour and acerbic wit in search of new entertainment.

They didn't turn to Seven for Heroes, even though it was a new episode. Instead they turned to the ABC for The Chaser's War on Everything, which managed the best audience in its history -- 1.236 million in the mainland capitals. That was the ABC's second best performance of the year (after last month's documentary on building the Harbour Bridge, with 1.245m).

If Ten repeats House again this Wednesday, it can't say it wasn't warned. House addicts could so easily become Chaser addicts when official ratings resume next week.

What Australia watched, week ending April 7, 2007
1 ROVE Ten 1,675,000
2 DANCING WITH THE STARS FINAL COUNTDOWN Seven 1,576,000
3 THE BIGGEST LOSER WEIGH-IN Ten 1,560,000
4 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,533,000
5 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,501,000
6 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 1,479,000
7 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,437,000
8 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,410,000
9 SWIMMING WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS SUNDAY Nine 1,377,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,340,000
11 THE RICH LIST Seven 1,338,000
12 1 VS 100 Nine 1,328,000
13 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - ELIMINATION Ten 1,274,000
14 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,256,000
15 HOUSE RPT Ten 1,236,000
16 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 1,224,000
17 THE CHASER'S WAR ON EVERYTHING ABC 1,223,000
18 NINE NEWS Nine 1,212,000
19 THE RETURN OF THE 707 Seven 1,210,000
20 THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE RPT Ten 1,196,000
21 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,147,000
22 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,133,000
23 MY NAME IS EARL Seven 1,131,000
24 HEROES Seven 1,121,000
25 NCIS RPT Ten 1,115,000
26 BROTHERS & SISTERS Seven 1,114,000
27 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS (R) Seven 1,109,000
28 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,096,000
29 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,089,000
30 AGATHA CHRISTIE'S MISS MARPLE: THE SITTAFORD MYSTERY ABC 1,076,000

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. For further observations of Australian attitudes and behaviour, go to www.smh.com.au/tribalmind.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 10:34 AM
• Comments (148)

The Tribal Mind: A myth gets the flick

by David Dale
EXCEPT that the title is already taken, this column would love to call itself Mythbusters. Today's proposition-for-investigation: that Australians are going to the movies less often. The evidence seems overwhelming. In 2001 and again in 2002, we bought 92.5 million cinema tickets, which was nearly five visits a year for every child, man and woman in the land. Last year, we bought just 82.6 million tickets, which is closer to four visits per person.

Strangely, the movie exhibitors aren't complaining. In 2002 Australians spent $845 million on cinema tickets. In 2006 we spent $866 million. So with 10 million fewer customers, they made $20 million extra at the box office. (Could there be a connection between the rapid rise in ticket prices and the dropoff in cinema visits?)

Now lets consider takings in the first quarter of this year ...

The most seen films in 2007: 1 The Pursuit of Happyness $13.6 million; 2 Wild Hogs $12.7m; 3 Music and Lyrics $9.6m; 4 The Queen $9.3m; 5 Deja Vu $8.9m; 6 Blood Diamond $8.0m; 7 Miss Potter $7.2m; 8 Ghost Rider $7.1m; 9 Epic Movie $6.5m; 10 Notes on a Scandal $5.6m.

That's not exactly a bonanza beginning for the year, considering that at this point in 2006, Walk The Line had made $13.9m, Chicken Little had made $13.3m, Memoirs of a Geisha had made $10.1 million, and Brokeback Mountain had made $8.6 million.

So Australians are losing interest in the movies. Case closed.

Wait. Lets look at another statistic. In 2002, Australians bought 16.4 million DVDs -- not quite one per person. In 2006, Australians bought 63 million DVDs -- more than three per person. We've gone from spending $489 million on DVDs in 2002 to spending $1.2 billion last year. And that's not counting the money we spent on renting the ones we didn't want to see more than once. So the makers of films join the distributors and the exhibitors in being very happy with the behaviour of Australians.

We go to the flicks far more than we did five years ago. It's just that we don't always leave our homes to do it. Here's what we've been up to in our private screening rooms ...

The most purchased DVDs in 2007: 1 The Devil Wears Prada; 2 Kenny; 3 Borat; 4 The Departed; 5 Dirty Dancing; 6 Battle for the Ashes; 7 An Inconvenient Truth; 8 Talledaga Nights; 9 Step Up; 10 Jackass No 2.

Australians have matured enough as consumers of entertainment that we can discriminate between the kind of flicks we expect to be overwhelmed by on the big screen and the kind of flicks we want to study repeatedly on the small screen.

Our movie watching hasn't declined. It's just become more diverse.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 08:15 AM
• Comments (8)

Culture: Spartan tastes

Mr Bean will have to bulk up. Over the long weekend he was smashed into the ground by David Wenham in a loincloth. Wenham is one of the stars of 300, a semi-animated tale of the Spartans who defended Greece against a Persian invasion in 480 BC.

It sold $5.2 million worth of tickets in Australian cinemas between Thursday and Tuesday, while Mr Bean's Holiday earned $2.7 million (totalling $8 million since opening), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles made $1.3m (total $2.4m) and Wild Hogs made $1.1m (total $13.8m). Disney is facing a rare failure with its cartoon Meet the Robinsons (a mere $1m, and a total of $2.5m).

Footnote: Could John Howard have been one of the ticket buyers for 300 at the weekend? That was precisely the number of extra Australian soldiers he announced he was sending to Afghanistan yesterday.

We welcome your comments.

• in The Tribal Mind at 12:05 AM
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WHO WE ARE: Sound judgements

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald, 8/4/2007
The things you take for granted are the things you miss the most, wisely said a reader called Mo in response to last week's column (below) about the sounds that symbolise Australia. She's currently resident in London but got a "lump in the throat (bloody stupid aint it?)" at the aural imagery we discussed. She was not alone in her reaction. Some 40 readers offered suggestions for the noises that make us what we are, which I have attempted to divide into convenient categories ...

Rustic experiences: A creaky gate; lorikeets; didgeridoo; an outdoor dunny door banging in the wind; driving over a cow grate; an windmill turning; rain on a corrugated iron roof; cows complaining as you try to make them get off the road on a long paddock; flock of galahs coming in before sunset; car on a gravel road or crossing a wooden bridge; screen door slamming; the popping of mangroves; geckos chattering on the ceiling; the splat of a cane toad on bitumen.

Urban experiences: The swipe of a credit card; the final siren of any AFL game; Pluto Pups being crisped to greasy excellence; yobbos screaming "F--- off poofter" as their Holden Commodore sails past.

Suburban experiences: The thump thump thump of a creepy crawly stuck in the corner of a pool; the squeak of a Hills Hoist; the screech of a cockatoo before a storm; Magpies warbling; the whine of a mosquito on a steamy night; kookaburras; a car door slamming and the patter of bare feet running across hot concrete at a petrol station; flying foxes fighting over fruit; possums bounding across your roof under a midnight moon.

Advertising: It's Time (the 1972 Federal Election campaign); We're happy little Vegemites; A little each day is a good recipe; You oughta be congradulated; Not happy Jan; Spreading disease with the greatest of ease; Come on Aussie, come on.

Music: the ABC news theme; The Last Post on Anzac Day; Gangajang's This is Australia; Daddy Cool's Eagle Rock; The Skippy theme; Redgum's Only 19; Paul Kelly's Dumb Things; Farewell Aunty Jack; There's a bear in there, and a chair as well; Peter Allen's I Still Call Australia Home; the Neighbours theme; Midnight Oil's Blue Sky Mine; Yothu Yindi's Treaty Yeah; the Prisoner theme - "but that was on the outside".

Sayings: Please explain; Hullo possums; And the winner is Syderny; Bob Hawke "any boss ... is a bum" after Australia won the America's Cup in 1983; Harold Holt's "All the way with LBJ" in 1965; So where the bloody hell are you?; That'll do, pig; You're terrible, Muriel; Tell him he's dreaming; Lock it in; I'll slip an extra shrimp on the barbie; She'll be right; Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi; A dingo took my baby; Your shout; Yeahhhh; Nahhhh; Lets give the kiddies their Chrissie pressies by the barbie; Avagoyermug; Youwannagomate?; Whadareya?

Any more?

Published in The Sun-Herald, 1/4/2007
Cicadas drumming on a summer night; garbos hurling bins around at six o'clock in the morning; the pattering of the first raindrops as a southerly buster comes through; lifesavers megaphoning "Get back between the flags"; the hiss and gurgle of milk being frothed by a cappuccino machine; a Victa mower turning your neighbour's grass into lawn at 8 oclock on a Sunday morning; Graham Kennedy doing a crow imitation that starts with the letter F; Eddie McGuire asking "Is that your final answer?"

As you've gathered, today's column is about the sounds, or noises, that symbolise Australia. Those are mine. I want to hear about yours. So does the National Film and Sound Archive in Canberra, which is asking Australians to nominate their favourite recorded material to add to the hall of fame it launched in February. At the moment, the registry contains only ten items. These are The Sounds of Australia that the Archive has preserved so far:

The speech made by Gough Whitlam on the steps of Parliament House on November 11, 1975, after he was dismissed by John Kerr. "Well may we say God Save The Queen, because nothing will save the Governor General".

The earliest Australian recording, from 1896, of a Warnambool businessman imitating a chook. "Bwaaak, bwaaak, buck buck buck, baaaaah."

Peter Dawson singing Along the Road to Gundagai in 1931. This is not the one where the dog does something nasty on the tuckerbox, but the one where there's a track winding back to an old fashioned shack. (I've always assumed the song was a metaphor for dying and going to an Aussie heaven, "Where my daddy and mother are waiting for me, and the pals of my childhood once more I will see ...")

Men At Work singing Down Under in 1981, described by writer Colin Hay as "about the selling of Australia".

The first commercial recording by Dame Nellie Melba from 1904, called Chant Venitien. She's squeakier than you'd expect.

A studio dramatisation of Australian troops landing in Gallipoli in 1915, including the earliest recording of Advance Australia Fair, sung much faster than we do it these days.

Graham Bell's Dixieland Band playing Two Day Jag and Swanston Street Shamble in 1944.

Tribal Music of Australia, the first available recording of traditional Aboriginal chanting made by anthropologist A. P. Elkin in 1953.

Johnny O'Keefe singing She's My Baby in 1959. It was his first number one hit, although written by an American and recorded in America.

Buddy Williams's 1939 recording of Give a Little Credit to Your Dad, with yodelling. The Archive says "Williams was the first Australian-born country singer to write and record songs with a distinctive Australian flavour ... the Australian flavour of our contemporary country music belies its American origins."

(To listen to some of these, click here.) It's an interesting choice, but a tad on the, shall we say, geriatric side. That's because the Archive engages in age discrimination:"Criteria for selection include artistic excellence, historical relevance, technical or scientific achievement, and prominence in shaping Australia's culture and identity. To be eligible for inclusion, sound recordings must have been made in Australia, or by Australians, and must be at least 20 years old."

This column imposes no such limitation. If you'd like to nominate a sound that symbolises Australia, even if it hit your eardrums only last week, tell us here ...

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in Who We Are at 12:58 AM
• Comments (42)

The ratings race: Week 14

This blog is now a heritage item -- worth studying but no longer current. To join the latest discussion on media and popular culture, go to www.smh.com.au/tribalmind.
This column's lament about the predictability of the Logie nominations (not 30 years of Logie awards so much as the same year 30 times) caused alert reader Craig to suggest an alternative awards system called the Bogies. These are some of the candidates proposed so far:

Most embarrassing program: Quizmania, The Catch Up, Abbamania, The Wedge, 1 v 100, The Con Test, The Rich List, Today Tonight, A Current Affair.

Most overhyped program: Heroes, Ugly Betty.

Most underrated program: Extras, Shameless, Crossing Jordan, Boston Legal, Veronica Mars, Spooks.

Most jerked around by the networks: The Sopranos, The West Wing, Gilmore Girls, Fear Factor, Scrubs, Six Feet Under, Nip Tuck, Stargate, Stargate Atlantis.

Most unnecessary TV personality: Richard Wilkins, Andrew G, Hotdogs, Karl Stefanovic.

Furthest past use-by date: "Bert Newton and his embalmer", McLeod's Daughters, Daryl Somers, Ray Martin, all members and former friends of the Corby family.

Worst network: SBS, Nine, Seven, Ten.

The Black Bogie: Eddie McGuire, Bert Newton, Naomi Robson.

If you'd care to join this celebration of the highest standards in Australian entertainment over the past 12 months, give us your nominations below.

What Australia watched, Saturday
1 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,089,000 305,000 288,000 219,000 157,000 121,000
2 NINE NEWS SATURDAY Nine 912,000 290,000 287,000 151,000 129,000 55,000
3 THE GREAT OUTDOORS-SPECIAL Seven 896,000 263,000 263,000 172,000 119,000 78,000
4 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SAT Ten 866,000 241,000 181,000 163,000 121,000 161,000
5 SATURDAY NIGHT AFL Ten 806,000 34,000 326,000 80,000 134,000 233,000
6 ABC NEWS-SAT ABC 751,000 231,000 259,000 122,000 76,000 62,000
7 AUSTRALIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO SHOW Nine 750,000 229,000 209,000 150,000 96,000 66,000
8 AROUND THE WORLD IN EIGHTY TREASURES ABC 720,000 244,000 183,000 155,000 77,000 61,000
9 THE BILL ABC 703,000 228,000 187,000 151,000 59,000 78,000
10 WIFE SWAP USA Nine 595,000 162,000 179,000 125,000 67,000 62,000
11 SPORTS TONIGHT SAT Ten 560,000 189,000 169,000 109,000 94,000
12 THE WEST WING ABC 555,000 204,000 149,000 99,000 53,000 51,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

Highlights of Good Friday viewing
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,342,000 S 362,000 M 367,000 B 275,000 A 153,000 P 185,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,253,000 315,000 359,000 250,000 158,000 171,000
3 NINE NEWS Nine 1,234,000 364,000 364,000 249,000 139,000 119,000
4 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,077,000 319,000 297,000 220,000 136,000 105,000
9 MURPHY'S LAW ABC 871,000 199,000 247,000 165,000 123,000 137,000
11 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS (R) Seven 810,000 299,000 M not shown 204,000 159,000 149,000
15 NINE'S LIVE FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 741,000 S 462,000 -- B 279,000 -- --
26 NINE'S (OTHER) FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 425,000 271,000 -- 154,000 -- --
27 TOTALLY WILD Ten 408,000 147,000 87,000 97,000 38,000 38,000
28 THE CHASER'S WAR ON EVERYTHING RPT ABC 406,000 99,000 136,000 75,000 52,000 44,000
58 VERONICA MARS Ten 234,000 72,000 59,000 35,000 42,000 26,000

What Australia watched, Thursday
SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,320,000 305,000 390,000 277,000 163,000 184,000
TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,179,000 265,000 352,000 230,000 161,000 170,000
MY NAME IS EARL Seven 1,131,000 304,000 354,000 224,000 110,000 138,000
NINE NEWS Nine 1,065,000 301,000 370,000 170,000 134,000 91,000
A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,057,000 269,000 379,000 195,000 120,000 93,000
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER Seven 978,000 263,000 286,000 217,000 92,000 119,000
SAVING BABIES Ten 959,000 244,000 280,000 206,000 95,000 134,000
HOME AND AWAY Seven 956,000 260,000 278,000 181,000 110,000 127,000
THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 942,000 216,000 304,000 193,000 109,000 119,000
LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT RPT Ten 906,000 277,000 252,000 186,000 85,000 105,000
ABC NEWS ABC 899,000 274,000 285,000 146,000 82,000 112,000
JAMIE AT HOME Ten 897,000 210,000 285,000 176,000 102,000 124,000
GETAWAY Nine 875,000 212,000 292,000 147,000 105,000 118,000
LAW AND ORDER: SVU RPT Ten 863,000 255,000 226,000 197,000 74,000 111,000
TEMPTATION Nine 794,000 192,000 280,000 140,000 90,000 92,000
SEVEN'S AFL: RND 2: BRISBANE LIONS V ST KILDA Seven 781,000 37,000 382,000 117,000 142,000 103,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, Wednesday April 4
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,378,000
2 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,310,000
3 HOUSE RPT Ten 1,236,000
4 THE CHASER'S WAR ON EVERYTHING ABC 1,236,000
5 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 1,224,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,214,000
7 THE RETURN OF THE 707 Seven 1,210,000
8 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,194,000
9 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,122,000
10 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,121,000
11 HEROES Seven 1,121,000
12 STRICTLY BABY BALLROOM Nine 1,056,000
13 ABC NEWS ABC 1,023,000
14 THE CON TEST Ten 930,000
15 PRISON BREAK - ON THE RUN Seven 927,000

What Australia watched, Tuesday April 3
Description Network Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 DANCING WITH THE STARS REHASH Seven 1,576,000 480,000 479,000 256,000 169,000 191,000
2 ALL SAINTS Seven 1,533,000 452,000 489,000 233,000 181,000 178,000
3 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,514,000 378,000 474,000 250,000 186,000 225,000
4 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,414,000 360,000 446,000 236,000 174,000 199,000
5 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,286,000 391,000 379,000 274,000 126,000 116,000
6 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,243,000 289,000 369,000 245,000 160,000 180,000
7 NINE NEWS Nine 1,218,000 399,000 341,000 253,000 127,000 98,000
8 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,206,000 324,000 382,000 206,000 124,000 170,000
9 NCIS RPT Ten 1,108,000 286,000 324,000 207,000 140,000 151,000
10 THE SIMPSONS TUES Ten 1,058,000 275,000 337,000 164,000 140,000 140,000
11 ABC NEWS ABC 1,056,000 298,000 330,000 165,000 115,000 147,000
12 TEMPTATION Nine 1,011,000 300,000 312,000 185,000 107,000 107,000
13 CROSSING JORDAN Seven 1,003,000 342,000 314,000 140,000 101,000 105,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

What Australia watched, Monday April 2
Description Network Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,525,000 381,000 457,000 287,000 182,000 218,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,495,000 373,000 412,000 283,000 197,000 230,000
3 DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Seven 1,479,000 466,000 434,000 229,000 159,000 190,000
4 THE RICH LIST Seven 1,338,000 372,000 420,000 186,000 168,000 192,000
5 1 VS 100 Nine 1,325,000 355,000 464,000 183,000 151,000 171,000
6 NINE NEWS Nine 1,315,000 412,000 371,000 260,000 150,000 123,000
7 THE BIGGEST LOSER ELIMINATION Ten 1,273,000 357,000 361,000 254,000 137,000 164,000
8 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,255,000 406,000 298,000 238,000 142,000 172,000
9 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,197,000 335,000 347,000 246,000 151,000 118,000
10 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,177,000 332,000 335,000 207,000 134,000 169,000
11 BROTHERS & SISTERS Seven 1,114,000 347,000 370,000 158,000 120,000 119,000

Updated 11am, Monday April 2

The combination of massive public sympathy and no competition from other networks gave Rove McManus the biggest audience he has ever achieved on Sunday night, and Channel Ten its best Sunday result for the year. But since it was the first night of a so-called non-ratings period, Seven and Nine will say they don't care.

What Australia watched, Sunday
Description Network Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 ROVE Ten 1,693,000 472,000 520,000 261,000 228,000 213,000
2 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WEIGH-IN Ten 1,562,000 417,000 451,000 261,000 220,000 214,000
3 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,501,000 514,000 350,000 290,000 224,000 124,000
4 SWIMMING WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS LIVE Nine 1,393,000 441,000 424,000 278,000 126,000 124,000
5 SEVEN NEWS SUNDAY Seven 1,273,000 339,000 421,000 293,000 219,000
6 THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE RPT Ten 1,196,000 320,000 351,000 190,000 169,000 166,000
7 CSI RPT Nine 1,138,000 333,000 378,000 199,000 117,000 111,000
8 MISS MARPLE: THE SITTAFORD MYSTERY ABC 1,070,000 321,000 303,000 171,000 138,000 138,000
9 CIRQUE DU SOLEIL PRESENTS QUIDAM Seven 972,000 277,000 287,000 185,000 88,000 134,000
10 CSI: MIAMI -RPT Nine 963,000 250,000 358,000 146,000 109,000 99,000
11 PUSSYCAT DOLLS PRESENT: THE SEARCH FOR THE NEXT DOLL Ten 925,000 276,000 281,000 134,000 117,000 117,000
12 ABC NEWS-SUN ABC 924,000 267,000 261,000 158,000 105,000 133,000
13 CONSTRUCTING AUSTRALIA: A WIRE THROUGH THE HEART ABC 849,000 246,000 203,000 151,000 112,000 137,000
14 TEN NEWS AT FIVE SUN Ten 844,000 218,000 218,000 145,000 100,000 164,000
15 GREY'S ANATOMY (Rpt) Seven 827,000 251,000 263,000 120,000 93,000 100,000
(OzTAM preliminary estimates, mainland capitals)

What subscribers watched on Pay TV last week
1 LIVE: NRL TITANS V SHARKS FOX Sports 1 203,413
2 LIVE: NRL WARRIORS V BRONCOS FOX Sports 1 181,188
3 LIVE: NRL SHARKS V RABBITOHS FOX Sports 3 172,614
4 LIVE: NRL DRAGONS V COWBOYS FOX Sports 3 151,118
5 LIVE: AFL FREMANTLE V PORT ADELAIDE FOX Sports 1 127,056
6 LIVE: AFL BRISBANE V HAWTHORN FOX Sports 1 106,494
7 LIVE: NRL SUNDAY PRE GAME SHOW FOX Sports 1 84,244
8 LIVE: NRL MONDAY POST GAME SHOW FOX Sports 1 83,160
9 NEW TRICKS UKTV 79,397
10 FOOTBALL: EPL LIVERPOOL V ARSENAL FOX Sports 2 67,674
11 LIVE: RUGBY UNION: S14 FORCE V SHARKS FOX Sports 3 60,890
12 LIVE: RUGBY UNION: S14 WARATAHS V CRUS FOX Sports 2 60,651
13 AUSTRALIA'S NEXT TOP MODEL FOX8 59,846

Updated 10 am Sunday, April 1
Metaphors including the words "Titanic" and "Not waving, drowning" come to mind when we try to summarise the results of Channel Nine's decision last week to devote most of its prime time schedule to swimming championships. Records were broken, a fight broke out, and a new candidate emerged for the title "Greatest swimmer of all time", but Australian viewers didn't care. (To see how World Swmming Chanpionships have rated in the past, go to The shows Australia loved.)

Nine had its worst week of the year, capturing just 25.6 per cent of the prime time audience, while Seven averaged 31.1 per cent, Ten got 21.9 (thanks largely to a buoyant Biggest Loser), ABC got 15.6 (thanks to the Chaser boys, Spicks and Specks and Miss Marple all topping a million in the mainland capitals), and SBS got 5.8 per cent (thanks to Mythbusters, Rockwiz and a repeat of Top Gear all topping 400,000).

This week House is a repeat, Cold Case is a repeat, Lost has vanished and Dancing With The Stars is a rehash of "memorable moments". Yes, the next fortnight is a mini-silly season, as the networks go out of "official" ratings. In fact, the people meters in 4,000 Australian homes will continue to send their information to Oztam's central computer, and this column will contine to tell you how, according to that sample, Australians were viewing.

What Australia watched, week ending March 31
1. Dancing with the Stars Seven 1.86m
2. Grey's Anatomy Seven 1.78
3. Ugly Betty Seven 1.65
4. Australia's Got Talent Seven 1.59
5. All Saints Seven 1.58
6. Desperate Housewives Seven 1,56
7. Nine Sunday News Nine 1.54
8. Seven Sunday News Seven 1.50
9 Seven news Mon-Fri Seven 1.45
10. House Ten 1.45
11 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,382,000
12 THE RICH LIST Seven 1,381,000
13 AIR CRASH INVESTIGATIONS Seven 1,351,000
14 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,308,000
15 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - ELIMINATION Ten 1,300,000
16 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) - THE WEIGH-IN Ten 1,290,000
17 MY NAME IS EARL Seven 1,290,000
18 NCIS Ten 1,258,000
19 NINE NEWS Nine 1,225,000
20 BONDI RESCUE Ten 1,205,000
21 THE CHASER'S WAR ON EVERYTHING ABC 1,196,000
22 HEROES Seven 1,189,000
23 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC 1,159,000
24 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,151,000
25 1 VS 100 Nine 1,146,000
26 THE BIGGEST LOSER (AUS) Ten 1,141,000
27 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,113,000
28 THE ALL NEW SIMPSONS Ten 1,113,000
29 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,109,000
30 THE SIMPSONS TUES Ten 1,104,000

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. For further observations of Australian attitudes and behaviour, go to www.smh.com.au/tribalmind.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 09:47 AM
• Comments (157)

The Tribal Mind: How the other half views

This news will be so shocking to the chaps who write and perform The Chaser's War on Everything that they may feel like giving up and retiring to a monastery: they are loved by the rich. Last week's first episode of their new series appears at number 21 in the ratings chart for all viewers in the mainland capitals, but at number 7 in the chart for the niche known as "Occupational Groups 1 and 2", which means the top earners in the community.

According to the measurement agency OzTAM, which likes to use capital letters, OG1s include "Legislators and Government-Appointed Officials, Managing Supervisors, Health Diagnosis and Treatment Practioners, Tertiary Teachers, Business Professionals, Artists and Related Professionals" -- the very people the Chaser team is supposed to to holding up to ridicule.

But down at the other end of the demographic ladder -- that solid suburban segment known in the industry as "Grocery buyers" -- The Chaser's War on Everything comes in at number 22 most watched show of the week. So the people on whose behalf the tall poppies are being lopped are less likely to be seeing the show than the tall poppies themselves.

The Chasers will also be disappointed to learn that their show is number 27 with women and number 8 with men. Do they really want to appeal more to blokes than to sheilas? And while they were ranked 11 in Sydney and 9 in Brisbane, they only ranked 35 in Melbourne and 53 in Adelaide. Do they really want to be more attractive to this country's centres of shallow hedonism than to the centres of intellectual culture?

Those details are beside the point. Our topic today is the behaviour of the richest people in Australia. Here are more insights into the way they watch TV:

The favourite show of the OG1s and 2s is Grey's Anatomy, while the favourite show of The Rest Of Us is Dancing With The Stars.

The rich are less likely than the rest of us to watch Australia's Got Talent, Today Tonight, The Rich List, Nine News, A Current Affair, 1 vs 100, Home and Away, and McLeod's Daughters.

The rich are more likely than the rest of us to watch: Brothers and Sisters, House, Spicks and Specks, Bones, Medium, Lost, CSI: Miami and The Footy Show.

So the Chasers find themselves in elite company -- rich families, rich doctors, rich pop stars, tertiary-educated cops, upper class ghosts, drug barons, and big boofy biffo-artists. We wonder if the court jester is comfortable being celebrated by the nobility and ignored by the peasantry. Especially on the kind of money the ABC pays.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 12:20 PM
• Comments (47)