The Sun-Herald

The least shall be first: place your bets

by David Dale.
In seeking to establish what is the most unpopular program on television, we must apply principles of fairness. It would be too easy just to scroll down to number 2000 in the weekly ratings chart, and reveal that a mere 1000 Australians tuned to the pay station ESPN to watch Live: Dutch Football.

That claim only remains plausible until you look at the city-by-city breakdown, and discover that every one of those Netherphiles lives in Brisbane. Then you realise there must be more to it.

It's all about how the ratings are calculated. The OzTAM organisation estimates audience numbers by examining data from peoplemeter boxes attached to TV sets in 4,000 households in the mainland capitals. About a quarter of those households are subscribers to pay TV. So when the chart seems to say 1,000 Australians were watching Live: Dutch Football, it means that in its sample of pay tv homes OzTAM found one person who was watched the cloggies -- and that person happened to be in Brisbane (where the sample size is 615 households). Statistical licence may allow OzTAM's computer to convert one north eastern insomniac into 1,000 national viewers, but it doesn't let this column cease from exploring.

Since three quarters of Australian homes do not have access to pay TV, it would be unfair to single out any subscrition program as Australia's least watched. Doubtless thousands more Australians would be glued to Dutch football if it was on broadcast television, which is accessible to 98 per cent of us.

So lets move up the chart to find that the least watched free to air program, ranked at 1,931, is Skippy The Bush Kangaroo, pulling 1,000 viewers to Channel Nine. Shocking news. Have Australians become so consumed with self-loathing that we cannot find pleasure in the national marsupial? Actually no. Skippy only plays in Perth (where OzTAM's sample size is 475 households). What we want to know is the least watched program showing on broadcast television in all mainland capitals.

This lifts us to number 1,848 in the chart -- Mandarin News on SBS, estimated by OzTAM to have 2,000 viewers. But is it reasonable to expect Australians to rush to a program in a language spoken by less than 5 per cent of the population? Of course not.

So these are the least watched English-language programs shown on a broadcast channel in every mainland capital: Weatherwatch and Music (3,000 viewers for SBS); National Press Club Address (6,000 viewers for ABC); Kenneth Copeland (8,000 viewers for Ten); Jesse Duplantis Ministries (13,000 viewers for Nine); Guthy Renker Australia (27,000 for Seven).

Dammit, we still have doubts. That bunch of religious messages and shopping opportunities are only visible when we're asleep. If this exercise is to reveal anything about national tastes, it must find the programs least watched when most viewers are available and alert enough to make informed decisions. That is this column's project for next week. Please place your bets (below) on what will be each station's most unpopular programs between 6pm and 10.30pm this week.

OzTAM responds
The CEO of OzTAM, Kate Inglis-Clark, sent this comment on the way The Tribal Mind used (or abused) the ratings chart:

"To the Editor, Sydney Morning Herald
David Dale's Tribal Mind column on 28 February makes entertaining reading, but unfortunately it is based on a misunderstanding of OzTAM's data .
The OzTAM service is worlds best practice in television audience measurement. Our panels sample sizes are amongst the largest in the world for and are sufficiently robust to meet the stated needs of our television and media agency clients.
Mr. Dale's article misrepresents the acceptable sample size. Responsible use of estimates that are drawn from a sample in general and television viewing estimates in particular would dictate not using a ratings estimate based a sample of a few persons to draw any inference.
Estimates drawn from ever smaller subsets of any sample will be subject to the effects of sampling variation and caution is required when the sample size is small.
As part of OzTAM's commitment to accurate and reliable data ratings data we provide clear industry agreed guidelines and regular presentations to subscribers of OzTAM data about the responsible use of the data with clear warnings when sizes are below acceptable thresholds."

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 11:38 AM
• Comments (52)

The ratings race: week 8

by David Dale.
This week's blog is now history. To join the latest discussion of media, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

Update 10am Friday, February 24
Seven got a little alarm bell in last night's results. One of its most reliable hits, Lost, dropped 150,000 viewers from the previous week. Some of them went to Medium on Ten and some of them may have gone over to the ABC to get an early start on The West Wing.

Nevertheless, Seven won the night with a prime time audience share of 32.3 per cent, with Nine on 27.8, Ten on 21.1, ABC on 13.9, and SBS on 4.9.

Last night the ABC launched The West Wing, the intelligent US drama series it bought from Nine because The One could not schedule it consistently. The 90 minute showing averaged 501,000 viewers.

How Australia watched, Thursday
1 Lost (7) 1.7m
2 Seven news (7) 1.4m
3 Today Tonight (7) 1.4m
4 Home and Away (7) 1.3m
5 Getaway (9) 1.3m
6 A Current Affair (9) 1.2m
7 Las Vegas (7) 1.2m
8 Nine News (9) 1.1m
9 Medium (10) 1.1m
10 The Biggest Loser (10) 1.0m
OZTAM mainland capitals

Update 10am Thursday, February 23
Channel Seven now has Australia locked up four days a week. Prison Break has pulled further ahead of its rival House on Wednesdays, and Seven's news and Today Tonight get the viewing pattern established at 6pm every night. Since most people don't watch TV on Saturday nights, Nine's only hope now is to come up with a blockbuster every Friday and every Sunday.

How Australia watched, Wednesday
1 Prison Break (7) 1.5m
2 Today Tonight (7) 1.5m
3 Seven news (7) 1.5m
4 House (10) 1.4m
5 Home and Awau (7) 1.4m
6 McLeod's Daughters (9) 1.4m
7 Winter Olympics (7) 1.3m
8 NCIS (10) 1.2m
9 A Current Affair (9) 1.2m
10 Jamie's Italian Escape (10) 1.2m
OZTAM

Update 10am Wednesday, February 22
Australia's richest man couldn't save Channel Nine last week, and Australia's most popular woman couldn't save Channel Nine last night. Magda Szubanski was flattened by the juggernaut that is Dancing With The Stars.

Szubanski regularly comes out on top when the research agency Audience Development Australia surveys viewers on the celebrities they most recognise and most like. No doubt that was why Nine thought a collection of her comedy sketches might work against the new season of last year's most popular Australian program. And Nine might have hoped Australians were growing a bit sated with the cheesiness of Daryl Somers and his sliding celebs.

In the end, Magda's Funny Bits attracted 856,000 viewers in the mainland capitals, while Dancing With The Stars attracted 2.2 million -- the same audience as last year. Clearly Australia has not lost its appetite for dairy products.

The viewers then stayed up late to follow the Winter Olympics, giving Seven an easy victory for the night -- 40.3 per cent of the prime time audience (Nine got 24.0%, Ten 18.9%, ABC 12.8% and SBS 4.1).

More bad news for Nine: those viewers who can't stand the glare from Dancing With The Stars and the snow in Torino are most likely to seek relief with Channel Ten. The ten most watched shows of Tuesday night with people aged 16-39 included The Biggest Loser, The Simpsons, Rove Live, The OC and Futurama.

How Australia watched, Tuesday
1 Dancing with the Stars (7) 2.2m
2 Winter Olympics (7) 1.5m
3 Today Tonight (7) 1.4m
4 Home and Away (7) 1.4m
5 Seven News (7) 1.4m
6 Nine news (9) 1.3m
7 A Current Affair (9) 1.2m
8 The Biggest Loser (10) 1.1m
9 The Simpsons (10) 1.0m
10 CSI:NY (9) 1.0m
(OZTAM mainland capitals)

Update 10am Tuesday, February 21
The ABC says it doesn't worry about the ratings, but that doesn't stop it celebrating on the rare occasions when one of its programs attracts more than a million viewers. The champagne will be flowing at Ultimo today, because last night an ABC show pulled 1.3 million in the mainland capitals.

Who could achieve such a feat? Of course, it had to be Andrew Denton -- Australia's most liked man, according to the "Q-scores" poll (which also finds that Magda Szubanski is Australia's most liked woman). Last year Denton managed 1.6 million viewers when he interviewed Our Princess Mary. Last night's equally glittering guest was Billy Connolly (who, as husband of Pamela Stephenson, has become The National In-Law now that Tom is no longer with Nicole).

It's unlikely the Prime Minister will be joining the ABC's celebration. Now the audience figure is out, he knows that 1.3 million potential voters have heard Billy Connolly say this: "John Howard's only function is to let you know what Harry Potter's going to look like when he's old. I would go miles to avoid meeting him. What a boring little man."

Channel Seven won the night with a prime time audience share of 30.9 per cent, with Nine on 26.4%, Ten on 18.9% and the ABC on 17.4% (its best share so far this year).

How Australia watched, Monday
1 Desperate Housewives (7) 2.0m
2 Today Tonight (7) 1.5m
3 Seven news (7) 1.4m
4 Home and Away (7) 1.4m
5 The Biggest Loser (10) 1.3m
6 Enough Rope - Andrew Denton (ABC) 1.3m
7 20 To 1 (9) 1.3m
8 Nine news (9) 1.2m
9 A Current Affair (9) 1.2m
10 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire (9) 1.2m
OZTAM mainland capitals

Update 10am Monday, February 20
Channel Nine's annoying trick of making viewers wait three months for the second half of last year's CSI finale seems to have worked. Nine showed the first hour of the Quentin Tarantino episode in November, and the second hour last night. Despite dire predictions that Australians would illegally download the finale from the internet, Nine managed to attract 1.8 million viewers to a cop franchise that was supposed to be dying. And most of the frustrated forensic fans stuck around for the MIami extension of the franchise.

Nine easily won the night, with a prime time audience share of 33.5 per cent, followed by Seven on 25.5%, and Ten on 18.4 per cent.

How Australia watched, Sunday
1. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Nine 1.76m
2. 60 Minutes Nine 1.53m
3. CSI: Miami Nine 1.34m
4. Seven News Sunday Seven 1.31m
5. Hot Property Seven 1.29m
6. Nine News Sunday Nine 1.28m
7. Clever Nine 1.15m
8. Agatha Christie's Poirot ABC 1.07m
9. Australia's Brainiest Ten 1.01m
10. Life in the Undergrowth ABC 0.98m
OZTAM mainland capitals

How Australia watched last week
Kerry Packer almost saved his network from embarrassment, but even he couldn't ensure that Channel Nine was still The One at the start of the ratings season. Seven won the first official ratings week with a prime time share of 30.7 per cent, followed by Nine on 28.7 per cent, Ten on 21.9 per cent, ABC on 14.2 per cent and SBS on 4.6 per cent.

A documentary called The Big Fella: The Extraordinary Life of Kerry Packer drew 1.5 million viewers in the mainland capitals on Thursday -- a bigger audience than any other show Nine has put against Seven's hit drama Lost. And Packer's creation -- the one day cricket -- drew 1.6 million viewers on Sunday and 1.8 million on Tuesday.

A few years ago, those successes would have been enough to give Nine the week's biggest audience share. But this year, Seven is overflowing with popular American dramas, as well as having the Winter Olympics to prop up its late night schedule. Tomorrow Seven adds a new series of Dancing With The Stars to its lineup, suggesting it could be weeks, if not months, before Australia's oldest network climbs back on top.

Nine launched Bert Newton's Family Feud last Monday in an attempt to fix its most urgent problem -- low audiences at the start of the night when the viewing pattern is established.

Bert began with a disappointing 678,000 viewers, got pre-empted by the cricket on Tuesday, and ended the week with a disastrous 511,000. His rival, Deal or No Deal, averaged 865,000 and set Seven on the path to victory in the current affairs hour from 6pm every night.

Nine must now place its hopes on Australia's most popular woman, Magda Szubanski, whose sketch collection, Magda's Funny Bits, starts tomorrow night.

Ten's fun-with-the-fatties reality show The Biggest Loser opened with a solid 1.4 million viewers on Monday but had slimmed to 1.1 million by Friday. Nevertheless Ten won the week with its target 16-39 age group, and its medical drama House is breathing down the neck of Seven's Prison Break on Wednesday.

The ABC doesn't recognise the ratings season, so its most watched shows last week were the old favourites Australian Story and The Bill (each with a million viewers). SBS made a rare appearance in the top 100 with Mythbusters, which, at Number 97, found itself 30,000 viewers ahead of Bert's Family Feud (at 101). These were the week's top programs:

1. Desperate Housewives (7) 1.9m
2. Nine news Sunday (9) 1.8m
3. Lost (7) 1.8m
4. One Day Cricket Tuesday (9) 1.9m
5. One Day Cricket Sunday (9) 1.6m
6. The Big Fella: Kerry Packer (9) 1.5m
7. Prison Break (7) 1.5m
8. House (10) 1.4m
9. Today Tonight (7) 1.4m
10. The Biggest Loser launch (10) 1.4m
11. Seven news (7) 1.4m
12. Law and Order: SVU (10) 1.4m
13. Winter Olympics Thursday 1.3m
14. McLeod's Daughters (9) 1.3m
15. Getaway (9) 1.3m
OZTAM mainland capitals

Closing the gate: Many readers (see below) have sent comments wondering when Seven will resume showing episodes of Stargate and its spinoffs. We asked Seven, and got the answer that the Stargates will definitely be back this year, but no start date has yet been decided. Seven says it has so much good new drama arriving from America, some shows will have to wait till the second half of the year. There is no point sending more messages to Tribal Mind asking about Stargate. We have no power in the matter. It would be more useful to direct such requests to Seven. Unless you have something new and different to say on the subject, correspondence is closed.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 06:00 AM
• Comments (382)

Look for the lesbian who is better than Bert

by David Dale
This column can totally understand what Portia de Rossi sees in Ellen DeGeneres. She's smart, sweet, mischievous, self-deprecating, and game for anything. Ellen DeGeneres is the single best reason this column has ever encountered to start subscribing to pay television.

In case you don't follow the gossip mags, Portia de Rossi is an Australian actress (she appeared nude with Elle McPherson and Kate Fischer in the 1994 movie Sirens) who stars in an American sitcom called Arrested Development, which Channel Seven shows late at night because the humour is deemed too cynical for the Australian prime time audience. De Rossi is also the sweetheart of Ellen DeGeneres, an American standup comic who did the voice of forgetful Dory in Finding Nemo and who now hosts a wonderful talk show on the pay TV station Arena between 5pm and 6pm every weeknight.

This column happened upon The Ellen DeGeneres Show this week while trying to escape from Bert Newton. We really wanted to love Bert's new game show Family Feud, but he looked so scary and walked so painfully and spoke so crudely (calling one poor contestant "Not only ugly but stupid") that when the ads came on we sought relief in a bit of channel surfing.

On our Foxtel remote, Channel Nine is at number 100 and Arena is at number 105, and that was where we found Ellen. She had a brass band in the studio and was dancing along with it, except she had a dicky knee. She flicked ricotta at a guest cook. She promised to predict the result of the Superbowl but wasn't entirely sure who was playing. Hilarious and occasionally poignant, she was everything we had hoped for from Bert, and more -- like Graham Kennedy in his prime.

We'd been thinking of cancelling our subscription to Foxtel because the child in the household has now seen every episode of The Simpsons five times and the adults rarely get time, what with the pressure to keep up with Lost, Desperate Housewives, and simultaneously, Prison Break and House (by jumping during the ads). The discovery that Ellen is on every afternoon changed our minds, and also reminded this column that it was time for our regular checkup on the state of health of the pay industry.

If we're to take their word for it, the pay people are going gangbusters. This week Foxtel put out a press release which started thus: "In a stunning record performance, subscription television homes spent almost 60 per cent of their time watching subscription television programming over the just completed summer ratings period. The ratings ... are further proof subscription television is winning the battle for the remote amongst television viewers."

The release said that between November 27, 2005 and February 11, 2006 (what most people call The Silly Season), 20 per cent of all viewing time in the mainland capitals was spent on pay TV. And what did the pay fans actually watch, while the other 80 per cent of Australians were enjoying tennis, cricket and Ghost Whisperer? Foxtel refuses to comment on the performance of individual programs, but according to the ratings measurement agency OZTAM, these were

The most watched shows on pay tv this year:
1. Rugby: Reds/Waratahs 184,000
2. Rugby: Force/Brumbies 125,000
3. Simpsons Interactive 95,000
4. The Incredibles (movie) 88,000
5. Rugby: Crush/H'landers 82,000
6. Wrestling: WWE Raw 81,000
7. Australia's Next Top Model 78,000
8. Love My Way 71,000
9. Dodgeball (movie) 70,000
10. Keepng Up Appearances 67,000

Yep, you read it right: out of the four million Australians who supposedly have access to pay TV and who watched it in "stunning record" numbers in January, the most popular show was seen by 184,000. And the first episode of the massively publicised saviour of Australian drama, Love My Way, managed just 71,000.

But of course, that's all going to change now Ellen DeGeneres is on the scene.

Footnote: Several readers have pointed out that The Ellen DeGeneres Show is also on Channel Ten -- at noon each weekday. The Ten people tell us that they are required by contract to always be a week behind Arena in the episodes they show. Topicality and better timeslot may not be quite enough to justify subscribing to Foxtel.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 06:39 AM
• Comments (75)

How well do you know your culcha?

by David Dale.
Let's get one thing straight right away: this is not trivia. Significa is a better name, because the test you are about to undertake goes right to the heart of what it means to be a 21st century Australian.

The citizens of any nation operate on certain shared assumptions, based on the stories, songs and images they absorbed during their lives. This quiz is drawn from the experiences shared by millions of Australians in the past 20 years: the most seen movies and TV shows and the most purchased publications, DVDs and CDs. It is, if you like, a check on your cultural literacy.

Give yourself one point for each correct answer. We won't consider it cheating if you seek clues in the treasure chest called www.smh.com.au/tribalmind, which displays lists of Australia's all time favourite movies, TV shows, DVDs and songs.

If you score more than 15, you're in tune with the national psyche. And you'll have discovered that, for better or worse, Australia's tastes lean heavily towards American entertainment. Regardless of how you scored, tell us what else should be included in a thorough test of mass awareness.

First, source these lines:
1. "How long can we look at each other down the barrel of a gun?"
2. "I don't know where I am. I don't know what's going on. I think I lost somebody but I can't remember."
3. "For a moment, he thought he heard a woman's voice ... the wisdom of the ages ... whispering up from the chasms of the earth."
4. "Still, enough about me leg. Let me tell you about the rest of me."
5. "Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?"
6. "They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they didn't hold with such nonsense."
7. "I'm sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been filled."
8. "Now you belong to heaven, and the stars spell out your name."
9. "Promise me you'll survive, that you won't give up, no matter what happens."
10. "I think we've all arrived at a very special place, spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically."
11. "Okay, so you're a rocket scientist. That don't impress me much. So you got the brain but have you got the touch?"
12. "Bite them! Be ruthless, whatever it takes. Bend them to your will!"

Now consider these questions ...
13. Who were Martin; his secretary Betty; his children Samantha, Debbie, Jenny and Simon; and his visitors Nudge and Arthur?
14. What did Nikki Webster sing to more than six million Australians?
15. Who defeated whom in the men's final of the Australian Open in January, 2005?
16. Who defeated whom in the final of Australian Idol in November, 2004?
17. What sells 720,000 copies a week? 18. What sells 640,000 copies a month?
19. To whom did Mary Abacus leave her business empire?
20. Whose kiss in a collapsed mineshaft was seen by 2.5 million Australians?

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 07:23 PM
• Comments (64)

The shared wisdom of us

by David Dale.
These are the answers and explanations for the designed to test your awareness of the books, films, TV shows, DVDs and songs enjoyed by most Australians in the past 20 years. Don't look below until you've tested yourself. And when you have, tell us what else should be included in a test of modern Australian cultural literacy.

The sources of the quotes ...

1. "How long can we look at each other down the barrel of a gun?"
From You're The Voice on Whispering Jack by John Farnham, the top selling Australian CD album (accredited with sales of 1.3 million by the Australian Record Industry Association).

2. "I don't know where I am. I don't know what's going on. I think I lost somebody but I can't remember."
Dory in Finding Nemo, our top selling DVD of all time.

3. "For a moment, he thought he heard a woman's voice ... the wisdom of the ages ... whispering up from the chasms of the earth."
The last sentence of Dan Brown's novel The Da Vinci Code, the No 2 best selling book of the past 20 years.

4. "Still, enough about me leg. Let me tell you about the rest of me."
Crocodile Dundee, the most successful Australian film ever made (box office of $48 million).

5. "Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?"
Phoebe's song from Friends, the top rating sitcom ever shown here (audiences above 2 million in the mainland capitals between 1996 and 2004).

6. "They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they didn't hold with such nonsense."
The second sentence of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, top selling book of the past 20 years (its five sequels are all among the top ten bestsellers).

7. "I'm sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been filled."
Donkey in Shrek 2, the No 2 selling DVD and No 2 cinema box office earner ($50 million).

8. "Now you belong to heaven, and the stars spell out your name."
From the rewritten Candle in the Wind, the top selling single in history, performed by Elton John at Diana Spencer's funeral, the most watched TV program in Australian history.

9. "Promise me you'll survive, that you won't give up, no matter what happens."
Jack talking to Rose in Titanic, Australia's top grossing film of all time ($58 million at the box office).

10. "I think we've all arrived at a very special place, spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically."
Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean, No 3 selling DVD.

11. "Okay, so you're a rocket scientist. That don't impress me much. So you got the brain but have you got the touch?"
From Shania Twain's Come On Over, the No 2 selling CD album (1.1 million).

12. "Bite them! Be ruthless, whatever it takes. Bend them to your will!"
Sheepdog Fly in Babe, the No 2 moneymaking Australian film ($37 million).

The background on the questions ...

13. Who were Martin; his secretary Betty; his children Samantha, Debbie, Jenny and Simon; and his visitors Nudge and Arthur?
Characters in Hey Dad, the longest running home-made sitcom (on Seven from 1984 to 1994).

14. What did Nikki Webster sing to six million Australians?
Under Southern Skies at the Sydney Olympics opening ceremony, the No 2 most watched program of all time (more than 6 million viewers in the mainland capitals).

15. Who defeated whom in the men's final of the Australian Open in January, 2005?
Marat Safin defeated Lleyton Hewitt in the most watched TV program of the 21st century (4 million viewers).

16. Who defeated whom in the final of Australian Idol in November, 2004?
Casey Donovan defeated Anthony Callea in the most watched non-sporting TV program of the 21st century (3.4m viewers).

17. What sells 720,000 copies a week? 18. What sells 640,000 copies a month?
The Sunday Telegraph, top selling newspaper. Women's Weekly, top selling magazine. Next in sales come the Sunday Herald-Sun, of Melbourne (620,000) and Woman's Day (516,000)

19. To whom did Mary Abacus leave her business empire?
The Solomon family, in Bryce Courtenay's Solomon's Song, the best selling Australian book. Courtenay has five books with sales of more than half a million: Solomon's Song, The Potato Factory, Four Fires, Tommo and Hawk and Matthew Flinders' Cat.

20. Whose kiss in a collapsed mineshaft was seen by 2.5 million Australians?
Cops Maggie Doyle and P. J. Hasham in Blue Heelers, the longest running home-made TV drama (1994-2006). Seven will show the final 11 episodes later this year.

Tell us, below, what else should be included in a test of modern Australian cultural literacy.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 07:37 PM
• Comments (67)

Swinging back to scandalous habits

by David Dale.
Australians have a love/hate relationship with scandal. One year we seek it, the next year we shun it. And right now, according to the latest sales figures for the magazine industry, our passion for scandal is on the upswing.

The most consistent growth area in Australian reading over the past year has been weeklies devoted to embarrassing rumours and invasive photos of actors, royals, musicians, sports people, and models.

The incisive social observer Frank Sinatra was the first to note the importance of scandal in the reading habits of Australians. During a concert tour in 1974, he offered this analysis of our media: "They're called parasites, because they take and take and take and never give, absolutely never give ... I say they're bums and they're always gonna be bums, every one of them. There are just a few exceptions to the rule: some good editorial writers who don't go out in the street and chase people round. It's the scandal man that really bugs you, drives you crazy. It's two-bit type work that they do. They're pimps, they're just crazy. And the broads who work in the press are the hookers of the press. Need I explain that to you?"

In the 1980s the venerable weeklies New Idea and Woman's Day achieved massive sales boosts by shifting their focus from recipes and knitting patterns to revelations about the rich and famous. The pinnacle was reached in 1992, when Woman's Day sold 1.4 million copies of an issue displaying a topless Duchess of York having her toes sucked by a gentleman to whom she was not married. New publications such as Who Weekly and NW arrived to feed the national appetite.

But after the death of Diana Spencer in 1997, Australians turned against the wicked weeklies -- blaming the messengers for the guilty suspicion that our addiction had encouraged the paparazzi to chase princesses. Sales kept sliding until 2004. Last Friday's report from the Audit Bureau of Circulations shows that New Idea has risen 8 per cent over the past 12 months, while OK! is up 6 per cent, Who Weekly and NW are up 5 per cent and Woman's Day is up 2 per cent.

Every week 1.4 million Australians buy a scandal mag -- 63,000 more than a year ago. In the same period 15,000 Australians turned away from serious news: Time was down 12 per cent, Business Review Weekly down 7 per cent, and The Bulletin and Money both down 2 per cent.

The biggest decline was in publications aimed at people under 14 -- Barbie down 43 per cent, K-Zone down 22 per cent, Dmag down 27 per cent, which meant a total of 100,000 buyers lost from the youth market in 12 months.

It seems the kids of today no longer want innocent fun in their reading. They just want celebrity revelations. Wonder where they learned that habit.

Australia's regular reading
1 Foxtel guide 838,000 (up 2%)
2 Women's Weekly 615,000 (down 8%)
3 Woman's Day 526,000 (up 2%)
4 New Idea 432,000 (up 8%)
5 Austar guide 387,000 (up 4.5%)
6 Readers Digest 355,000 (up 1%)
7 That's Life 346,000 (down 1%)
8 Super Food Ideas 346,000 (same)
9 Better Homes and Gardens 325,000 (up 13%)
10 TV Week 282,000 (down 3%)

Do you enjoy the scandal weeklies? Tell us your theory on why Australians are going back to them, below.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 03:31 PM
• Comments (45)

Everything old is Nine again

by David Dale
There has been some puzzlement about why the Packer empire has decided to appoint a man with limited management experience to run Channel Nine. It must be part of a secret strategy, and I believe I have figured it out. The answer lies in that man's ability to capture an audience previously targeted only by the ABC. Every sign suggests that Australia's oldest station is after Australia's oldest viewers. Nine in 2006 is banking on a geriatric-led recovery.

Exactly a year ago, Eddie McGuire made a thought-provoking observation. No doubt in private life he is an intelligent and stimulating conversationalist, but this was the first time that side of him had been displayed in public.

I was interviewing him about the likely impact of Desperate Housewives on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. He said the housewives might be a passing fad. I asked whether he would speed up his notoriously slow delivery of questions (from which he had earned the nickname Fast Eddie) if Millionaire looked like losing viewers. He said:

"I'd think about it, but this is one of the few shows that gives families time to talk while they are watching. As everything else in life gets paced up, this has gone the other way, and I like to think there's still room for that in television."

That statement is, at this point, our only clue to how McGuire will run Nine. Of course, Desperate Housewives was not a passing fad -- it averaged 2.1 million viewers in the mainland capitals last year. But Millionaire did astonishingly well against it, averaging 1.3 million viewers -- only 200,000 down on its audience in 2004.

How did Fast Eddie survive? By locking in a segment of the community that is uninterested in the sexy scandals of Wisteria Lane. Millionaire's audience consisted almost entirely of Australians over 55. Slow and steady won the aged.

Millionaire was not among the top 50 most watched series of 2005 with all viewers. But it was number 12 in the list of series most watched by people over 55. That group's favourite show was Dancing With The Stars on Seven, followed by Blue Murder, Midsomer Murders, Taggart, Murder Investigation Team and Miss Marple, all on the ABC.

The first sign that Nine wanted a piece of this ABC action came when it programmed repeats of Midsomer Murders over summer. Then it hired 68 year old Bert Newton to revive Family Feud, a game show format first used on American television in 1976. Then it started showing a promo for the year ahead which featured its stars styled to evoke nostalgia for the 1940s -- the period when its new target audience was growing up.

Being under 40, James Packer does not understand this venerable demographic, but he knows that it is the fastest growing segment of the population, that its members are inclined to spend what should have been their kids' inheritance, and that McGuire, while under 55 himself, can speak their language and work at their rhythm.

So it looks as if this will be the year when broadcast television moves from mass marketing to niche marketing, with target audiences tightly defined by age band. Apparently Nine intends to go for people over 55, while Seven will seek people between 25 and 54, and Ten will grab the 16 to 24s.

For the first time in its history, the ABC, left with an audience under 16, will be able to say that it is The Network of The Future.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 08:10 PM
• Comments (85)

They're not monsters, they're just animals

by David Dale.
Channel Nine is rearranging the deckchairs, Ten is wondering what's the matter with kids today, and Seven is smiling smugly. Yes, the "official" ratings season is about to start, and already it's clear this will be a dangerous year for the stations and a thrilling year for the viewers. This column needs to make predictions and mix metaphors ...

In the 50th year of television, Channel Nine is like the Liberal Party in 1983 and the Labor Party in 1996. This makes Channel Seven both Bob Hawke and John Howard, which is a stretch. We'd better revise the imagery.

Instead of a political struggle, picture the age-old competition between Australia's commercial networks as a dragdown ripup wrestling match between a tyrannosaurus rex and a brontosaurus, with a raptor running round the sidelines tearing shreds off both giants. After smashing the others into the ground for 49 years, Rex had grown arrogant. In 2005, the brontosaurus suddenly turned carnivore, the raptor kept tripping over its own feet and Rex showed his age.

In 2006, we reckon Bronto will defeat Rex, because he has stronger teeth. The molars that worked for Bronto last year will be augmented by a bunch of new incisors, while Rex's chompers are full of cavities and the other dinosaurs he's called in to help are themselves close to extinction.

Let's pull out of the jurassic jungle for a moment and clarify that prediction: Channel Seven will be the most watched network this year. Nine had the worst audience share in its history in 2005, and this year will be worse.

Making poor Bert Newton prance around at 5.30 won't help Nine win back the news and current affairs hour that starts prime time viewing each night. More than a million viewers have now swapped a Nine habit for a Seven habit, leaving their remotes untouched between news time and bed time (9.40pm). And it's hard to place much hope in the appointment of Eddie McGuire as ringmaster -- a man whose greatest professional asset is the ability to make two quiz questions last one hour.

Seven will win Tuesdays with Dancing With The Stars and Wednesdays with Prison Break (audience of 1.9 million in the mainland capitals last week, with a further 960,000 on Monday). Those who aren't captured by Prison Break will return to House on Ten. Seven will win Thursdays with Lost (2.1 million viewers last week) and Mondays with Desperate Housewives (2.2m this week).

Nine's once reliable cop shows -- Without A Trace, Cold Case and three CSIs -- are fading fast. It needs fresh dramas and comedies, but Seven and Ten have, through the sheer luck of deals done long ago, ended up with all the shows that topped the US ratings (The Ghost Whisperer, Commander in Chief, Supernatural, My Name Is Earl, Everybody Hates Chris), leaving Nine with lame reworkings of old formulas (The Evidence, Close To Home, Invasion, Suspicious Minds). Nine's most interesting drama is Rome, a miniseries about Julius Caesar. But that's risky -- some viewers will consider it more suitable for the ABC (which took over The West Wing because Nine couldn't program it properly).

Last year, when this column raised the question of why the viewers had grown to hate Channel Nine, we received 329 outpourings of rage (click here to read them). And when we quoted Nine's boss, Sam Chisholm, as saying there was "no evidence" viewers were irritated by his programming policies, we got another 87 (click here) .

This year we want to be constructive. Below, lets hear your suggestions on how Fast Eddie might save a noble creature from extinction. If Nine can't buy the best of American comedy and drama, what other content might bring back the viewers? If, between us, we can develop a new strategy for Australia's oldest network, we might deflect the asteroid -- unless you think the T. Rex deserves whatever's coming.

The Tribal Mind column appears every Tuesday in The Sydney Morning Herald. To read earlier columns, go to www.smh.com.au/tribalmind . David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A guidebook for the New Australia (Allen and Unwin).

Most watched shows last week (viewers 16-39)
1. LOST (7)
2. PRISON BREAK (7)
3. TENNIS: AUSTRALIAN OPEN MEN'S FINAL (7)
4. SUPERNATURAL (10)
5. THE O.C. (10)
6. FUTURAMA MONDAY (10)
7. LAS VEGAS (7)
8. THE SIMPSONS MONDAY (10)
9. GHOST WHISPERER (7)
10. HOUSE (10)
OZTAM

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 11:41 AM
• Comments (164)

The future: They just don't get it

by David Dale.
Two terms entered the vocabulary of drama addicts in 2005: "bittorrent" and "shopthestates". Both refer to ways of downloading TV shows via the internet. One is legal, one illegal. Their growing popularity in this country is the result of frustration with the programming policies of our networks. And the more Australians use them, the closer comes the day of doom for commercial television as we know it.

At a forum on the future of television in November, David Leckie, managing director of Channel Seven, was asked if he was worried about people obtaining programs via the net because they can't get what they want from mainstream TV. He said this: "OK, the world's gonna fragment, we know that, but have you seen how hard it is right now to download anything? In five, ten, 15 years nobody knows, but it's not affecting our audience, I can guarantee that. And the two or three people ... I'm sure they've downloaded and they're having fantastic fun talking about Desperate Housewives going to air real time right now in the United States but you know what? It's not really affecting our audiences."

Sam Chisholm, managing director of Channel Nine, was asked if viewers were alienated by the erratic scheduling of their favourite shows. He said there was "no evidence that it irritates viewers" and continued: "Maybe you do shift programs but there's no point in trying to ram down viewers' throats programming that they arguably don't want to see. So we put them on with the best will in the world, but if they don't work then we've got to move them to provide the best programming that they do want. If we did treat them with contempt we'd say well there it is, that's your lot, as they say in the garden program that's your blooming lot, get on with it, but we don't do that, that's why we're moving and shifting things and changing them."

These gentlemen are living in cloud cuckoo land. When this column reported that Nine was going to make viewers wait till next year to see the season finales of CSI, Cold Case, Without a Trace and The Closer, we received 327 emails expressing varying degrees of rage

Some 40 readers confessed to using bittorrent, an illegal method of sharing episodes that have been recorded by American viewers and stored in their computers. One reader sent this note about the second half of the Quentin Tarantino story on CSI (not showing on Nine till February):
http://www.torrentspy.com/directory.asp?mode=torrentdetails&id=299649&query=csi+_

Another reader, Toni, offered this idea: "For a LEGAL way of downloading shows from the US (speed, and sometimes quality is better than torrent's too) you can get a prepaid American credit card from somewhere like shopthestates.com (they give you your own American billing address too) and use that on iTunes. It's good for shopping online at any store that will only recognise US-issued credit cards."

This neatly avoids the problem that the Australian iTunes store does not sell TV episodes, and the American iTunes store, which sells episodes of some series after they're shown in the US (at $US1.99 each), will only accept orders from US credit cards.

Of course, our networks could allow the Australian iTunes shop to sell episodes of shows they can't fit into their schedules. But that would require a visionary approach to the diversity of Australian tastes, and an awareness that the days of "the mass market" are over. And there's no evidence that the networks have that.

David Dale is the author of Who We Are -- A snapshot of Australia today (Allen and Unwin). His latest book is Soffritto -- A delicious Ligurian memoir. To join a daily discussion of Australian attitudes, go to http://blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
Can you visualise the future of media any better than the TV bosses? In five years time, will we be using our mobiles to watch shows we've downloaded from iStores, while at home we enjoy movies on giant screens connected to our computers? Or will individualised news and entertainment be piped directly into our brains, Matrix-style? We'd love to hear your theories.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 11:19 AM
• Comments (42)