The Sun-Herald

The Tribal Mind: Busting the box's big myths

To determine what is Australia's National Snack, go to Who We Are.

by David Dale
TIME for another reality check. Network television, like printed newspapers, was supposed to be dead by now. We were meant to be getting all our news and entertainment from computers, DVDs, portable players and mobile phones.

In fact, as this column revealed recently, sales of weekly and daily papers are declining at less than 2 percent a year, which hardly suggests an imminent demise. Is television an equally stubborn survivor? Now that we have the audience data for the first half of 2009, we're in a position to do a postmortem on the still-kicking corpse. Lets address some conventional wisdoms.

Australians are losing interest in mainstream television. This is sort of true. In the first half of 2003, an average of 3.91 million people in the mainland capitals watched free TV between 6pm and midnight. This year, the figure was 3.6 million - a drop of 8 per cent. If you consider only viewers aged 16 to 39, the drop over six years was 17 per cent. It's even more worrying for the networks when you realize that Australia's population rose by a million people over that period.

BUT (and it's a big but, which is why I wrote it in capital letters) over the same period the average prime time audience for Pay TV stations rose by 60 per cent. So in total, Australians are watching about as much TV now as they were six years ago. Which makes the conventional wisdom sort of false as well.

Channel Nine is recovering. False. Its average prime time audience this year is down 20 per cent on 2003 (and down 23 per cent with its target audience of people aged 25-54).

Channel Ten is soaring. Sort of true, if you look only at its share of the audience relative to the other free networks. In the first half of 2003, Ten had 22.6 per cent of the prime time audience, while Nine had 30.7 per cent and Seven had 25.6. This year, Ten has 23.3 per cent, Nine has 26.4 and Seven has 28.0.

But in terms of the actual number of viewers, Ten had an average of 859,000 during prime time in 2003, and now has 821,000, a drop of 5 per cent (and it's down 15 per cent with viewers 16-39).

Australians prefer US dramas and comedies to anything Australian. The last time this was true was in 2005, when we went crazy for Desperate Housewives, Lost and House. Since then, those shows have slumped. Look at this year's hits ...

Favourites of the first half (and who were the main viewers)
1 State of Origin matches 1 and 2 (mostly men aged 16-24 and 25-54)
2 Underbelly: A Tale of Two Cities (people 25-54)
3 The Biggest Loser final (people 5-15 and 16-24, women 25-54)
4 Packed To The Rafters (people 25-54)
5 The Logie Awards (people 25-54)
6 Seven news (people over 55)
7 Talkin' 'Bout Your Generation (people 5-15, 16-24, 25-54 )
8 Masterchef (people 5-15 and 25-54)
9 Twenty/20 Cricket Aus v NZ (men 25-54)
10 A Lion Called Christian (over 55)
11 Border Security (over 55)
12 Thank God You're Here (16-39)
13 NCIS (16-54)
15 Find My Family (over 55)
16 So You Think You Can Dance Australia (5-15, 16-39)
17 Merlin (5-15)
18 New Tricks (over 55)
19 Midsomer Murders (over 55)
20 The Simpsons (5-15).

So we've embraced Australian dramas, documentaries and talent quests, plus a couple of English dramas. Should that make us feel better about ourselves?

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 04:53 PM
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The Who We Are update: Ten will be two

To learn whether Australians are losing interest in television, go to The Tribal Mind.
To determine what is Australia's National Snack, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Saturday
If you'll pardon what may look like another attempt at Jacksploitation, the ratings race this week is a Thriller. With one nights to go, the prime time audience shares stand thus: Seven 28.3 per cent, Nine 25.5, Ten 25.3, ABC 15.7, SBS 5.2. Ten will pick up a bit tonight with its AFL. Better watch this space Sunday morning.

What Australia watched, Friday
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,565,000 410,000 422,000 334,000 162,000 237,000
2 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 1,434,000 448,000 445,000 216,000 146,000 179,000
3 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,413,000 375,000 379,000 313,000 141,000 205,000
4 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,245,000 356,000 375,000 204,000 171,000 139,000
5 NINE NEWS Nine 1,207,000 327,000 418,000 216,000 126,000 120,000
6 A CURRENT AFFAIR Nine 1,085,000 312,000 355,000 232,000 101,000 86,000
7 HOME AND AWAY Seven 1,044,000 291,000 292,000 194,000 141,000 126,000
8 TEN NEWS AT FIVE Ten 978,000 247,000 287,000 198,000 106,000 140,000
9 TWO AND A HALF MEN -RPT Nine 902,000 253,000 286,000 189,000 77,000 97,000
10 ABC NEWS ABC1 892,000 243,000 261,000 185,000 99,000 103,000
11 TRIAL AND RETRIBUTION: CONVICTION ABC1 847,000 233,000 242,000 146,000 103,000 123,000
13 SEVEN'S AFL: RND 14: COLLINGWOOD VS ESSENDON Seven 804,000 15,000 531,000 13,000 128,000 117,000
14 DEAL OR NO DEAL Seven 794,000 231,000 234,000 150,000 96,000 82,000
16 SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Ten 741,000 251,000 190,000 120,000 82,000 98,000
17 NINE'S LIVE FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 736,000 419,000 317,000
19 HOT SEAT Nine 711,000 197,000 219,000 151,000 78,000 65,000
27 SEVEN NEWS AT 4.30 Seven 448,000 149,000 114,000 83,000 56,000 45,000
28 NINE'S FRIDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL Nine 444,000 270,000 174,000
37 WIMBLEDON D11 Nine 330,000 112,000 95,000 63,000 37,000 22,000
40 THE HOLLOWMEN RPT ABC1 308,000 97,000 82,000 54,000 28,000 47,000
46 THIS AFTERNOON Nine 284,000 100,000 92,000 45,000 26,000 20,000
92 SPICKS AND SPECKS RPT ABC1 129,000 51,000 27,000 34,000 11,000 7,000
97 NEW IDEA TV Seven 119,000 56,000 18,000 31,000 7,000 8,000
141 POKER ONE 48,000 7,000 17,000 12,000 6,000 6,000

• by David Dale in whoweare-index at 09:56 AM
• Comments (38)

WHO WE ARE: The music Australia loved

For the latest media trends, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare/.

Lists of top selling albums and most successful performers, prepared by David Dale and last updated June 30, 2009.

The top selling albums of the CD era
1. Whispering Jack (John Farnham)
2. Come On Over (Shania Twain)
3. Jagged Little Pill (Alanis Morissette)
4. Innocent Eyes (Delta Goodrem)
5. Music Box (Mariah Carey)
6. Savage Garden (Savage Garden)
7. Falling Into You (Celine Dion)
8. Recurring Dream (Crowded House)
9. Abba Gold (Abba)
10. Immaculate Collection (Madonna)
11. Age of Reason (John Farnham)
12. The Very Best of (The Eagles)
13. Don't Ask (Tina Arena)
14. Remasters (Led Zeppelin)
15. 1 (The Beatles) 2000
16. The Sound of White (Missy Higgins)
17. Soul Deep (Jimmy Barnes)
18. Forgiven Not Forgotten (The Corrs)
19. Come Away With Me (Norah Jones)
20. Back to Bedlam (James Blunt)
21 I'm Not Dead (Pink)
22 Yourself or Someone Like You (Matchbox 20)
23 Forrest Gump (Soundtrack)
To read and discuss the complete charts, go to The culture

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind, in whoweare-index at 10:50 PM
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WHO WE ARE: The TV shows Australia loved

This contains charts of the most watched programs of the 20th and 21st centuries, prepared by David Dale and based on data from OzTAM and ACNielsen. Last updated May 30, 2009. For the latest media trends, go to blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare

Most watched so far in 2009: Underbelly: A Tale of Two Cities (9) 2.58m; Tennis: Australian Open, Dokic last game (7) 2.32m; State of Origin Game 1 (9) 2.32m; Tennis: Aus Open Men's Final (7) 2.24m; Cricket: Twenty/20 Aus v South Africa Game 2 (9) 2.12m; The Biggest Loser: Winner Announced (10) 2.10m; Cricket: Twenty/20 Aus v S. Africa Game 1 (9) 2.05m; Packed to the Rafters (7) 1.9m; Find My Family 1.8m.

Chart 1. The top shows since 2001
Based on OzTAM's audience estimates for the mainland capitals. Series figures are for the most watched episode of the year.
1 Tennis: Aus Open final - Hewitt v Safin 2005 (7) 4.04 million
2 Rugby World Cup final 2003 (7) 4.01 million
3 Commonwealth Games Opening Ceremony 2006 (9) 3.56m
4 AFL Grand Final 2005 (10) 3.39m
5 Australian Idol Final Verdict 2004 (10) 3.35m
6 Australian Idol final 2003 (10) 3.30 m
7 AFL Grand Final 2006 (10) 3.15m
8 The Block auction 2003 (9) 3.11 m
9 September 11 reportage, September 12, 2001 (9, 7, ABC) 3.10 m
10 Tennis: Wimbledon day 14 2001 (9) 3.04 m
11 AFL grand final 2003 (10) 2.96 m
12 Big Brother winner announced 2004 (10) 2.86m
13 Australian Idol Live from Opera House 2004 (10) 2.86 m
14 Beijing Olympics opening ceremony 2008 (7) 2.82m
To read and discuss the complete charts, go to The culture

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind, in whoweare-index at 01:50 PM
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WHO WE ARE: The films Australia loved

List of the 150 highest-grossing movies of all time, and list of the 65 movies seen by the greatest number of Australians, prepared by David Dale from data provided by the Motion Picture Distributors Association of Australia. Last updated June 20, 2009.

For the latest media trends, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare

Top flicks so far in 2009: Twilight $21.6m; Monsters Vs Aliens $20.5m; Slumdog Millionaire $20.2m; Wolverine $18.5m; Angels and Demons $18m; Gran Torino $17m; Fast and Furious $17m; Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen $16.5m; Star Trek $16m; Night At The Museum 2 $16m; Bedtime Stories $15.7m; He's Just Not That Into You $14.6m; Terminator Salvation $14m; Yes Man $13.5m; 17 Again $12.5m; Bride Wars $11.5 m; Bolt $11.5m; Samson and Delilah $2.5m.

Chart 1: The Australian box office
1. Titanic (1997) $58 million
2. Shrek 2 (2004) $50m
3. The Return of the King (2003) $49m
4. Crocodile Dundee (1986) $48m
5. Fellowship of the Ring (2001) $47m
6. The Two Towers (2002) $46m
7. The Dark Knight (2008) $46m
8. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (2001) $42m
9. Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace (1999) $39m
10. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006) $38 m
11. Finding Nemo (2003) $37m
12. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) $37m
13. Australia (2008) $37m (US$50m, world $US205m)
14. Babe (1995) $37m
15. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) $36m
To read and discuss the complete charts, go to The culture

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind, in whoweare-index at 03:50 AM
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WHO WE ARE: The DVDs Australia loved

For the latest media trends, bookmark blogs.sunherald.com.au/whoweare.
List of most most purchased DVDs since 1998, prepared by David Dale, using data from GFK Australia. Last updated June 20, 2009.

Top selling DVDs of all time
1. Finding Nemo (2004)
2 Fellowship of the Ring (2002)
3 Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2003)
4 The Two Towers (2003)
5 Monsters Inc (2002)
6 Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2006)
7 Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
8 Return of the King (2004)
9 Mamma Mia! ((2008, had sold 460,000 at 5/2/09)
10 Pirates of the Caribbean (2004)
11 Shrek 2 (2004)
12 Dirty Dancing (2000)
13 The Notebook (2005)
14 Pirates 2: Dead Man's Chest (2006)
15 The Matrix (1999)
16 The Dark Knight (2008)
17 The Fast and the Furious (2002)
18 Gladiator (2000)
19 Cars (2006)
20 The Incredibles (2005)
21 Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (2002)
To read and discuss the complete charts, go to The culture

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind, in whoweare-index at 02:10 AM
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The Tribal Mind: Better to fill the belly than cut the throat

To determine what is Australia's National Snack, go to Who We Are.

by David Dale
Cooking is the new renovation. It's also the new black, the new rock 'n' roll, the new watercooler buzzword, the new evidence that Australians are cocooning and the new knife to the guts of Channel Nine, which was hoping it had been punished enough for decades of treating its viewers with contempt.

Before I continue, a confession is necessary: Two months ago, I was talking to a Channel Ten executive and he asked how I thought Masterchef would rate. At the time I'd only seen trailers, so I made this confident prediction: "It looks kind of old-fashioned. It will start with 1.4 million but it will be down to 800,000 within three weeks. You'll get an over-55 audience, which you don't want."

The Ten exec looked hurt: "If that happens, it's a disaster," he said. "We agree about the 1.4 million start, but we think it will stay above 1.2 million from then on." Masterchef did start with 1.4 million viewers in the mainland capitals, but that was the only bit of my prediction to come true. Three weeks later it was still at 1.4 million. And by last week it had risen to 1.8 million.

Viewers over 55 have zero interest in it (their favourite show is New Tricks), but it is number one with men and women aged 16-39 and 25-54. It's performing so strongly that Channel Ten has a chance of pushing Channel Nine to number three position in prime time audience share for the year.

What did sink to 800,000 was Channel Nine's renovation contest HomeMade. Nine made the wrong call. In the first half of last year, it thought cooking was the new black, because any series involving Gordon Ramsay was getting big numbers. Nine proceeded to kill that goose by stuffing Ramsay into every available slot. Then it decided that this year the new black would be renovation.

The psychology seemed sound -- when the economy shrinks and the world looks dangerous, Australians retreat to the comforts of home. In 2003, with the Bali bombings and September 11 still in their minds, Australians watched anything lifestylish, particularly a reno race called The Block. HomeMade is The Block downsized for the more modest budgets of today.

As it turned out, Masterchef had already filled the home comforts vacuum. A contributor to this column's online forum, who wishes to be known as Wazza, summed up its appeal: "How great is it that Masterchef is killing it in the ratings? I much prefer to watch something constructive and which builds people's self esteem rather than something that is destructive and tears people down. I'm glad they aren't going down the road of 'Game on, molls!' bitchfighting of Big Brother. That is soooo 2006. Looks like Channel 9 went down that well-beaten path with HomeMade and paid the price for it with a flop."

Judging by TV tastes, the economic crisis seems to have put Australians in the mood for constructive cooperation and gentle generosity. If so, this is not a good time to be Malcolm Turnbull.

Footnote: Last week I promised to talk about TV writers who insert Melanoma Moments in their dramas. I was referring to the story arc in Grey's Anatomy. I decided to wait and see if Izzy survives before assessing its significance.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 04:55 PM
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WHO WE ARE: From impulse to mouth

To learn why MasterChef is bad news for Malcolm Turnbull, go to The Tribal Mind.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun Herald, 29/6/2009
Recent pronouncements by the prime minister about the shaking of sauce bottles, and the decision by the Kraft company to market a new version of Vegemite with cream cheese stirred through, compelled this column to re-examine a key question of identity: what are Australia's national foodstuffs?

We established years ago that the national dish is spaghetti bolognese, in the sense of the meal cooked most often for family dinner. That's barely the beginning. The research company ACNielsen has just published The 2009 Nielsen Convenience and Impulse Report, which, combined with earlier data on supermarket habits, lets us look deeply into the mouths of Australians.

The national breakfast. We start the day with Weet Bix or Kellogg's Nutri-Grain, onto which we pour Paul's milk or Pura milk. Then we smear Vegemite on Tip Top and wash it down with Nescafe Blend 43.

The national snack. Nielsen reports that in 2008 Australians spent $2.7 billion in "the convenience channel" - mainly shops attached to petrol stations. "Over two thirds (66 per cent) of Aussie consumers claim to buy lollies in convenience stores, while 59 per cent buy chocolate," says the report. "Almost one in three Aussies claim to have purchased an item from a convenience store on their last visit to a petrol station."

Here's what Nielsen says we mostly grab on the way back to the car: Mars bars; Extra spearmint gum; Snickers; Coca Cola; V Guarana; Red Bull Energy Drink; Streets Golden Gaytime, Streets Magnum; Peters Maxibon; R/Rock Potato chips; Cheese Twisties; Smith's Crinkles; Icebreak Iced Coffee; Arnott's Tim Tams; Arnott's Shapes.

You get an inkling of who does most of this impulse buying from the fact that the top two publications bought at convenience stores are Zoo Weekly and Picture, which specialise in photos of buxom women.

The national lunch. Boringly, this is likely to be a sandwich, stuffed with Primo ham or devon and a slice of Bega cheese. A bold minority buy hot chips. Every Australian eats 63 kilograms of potatoes a year.

The national smoke. Only 20 per cent of Australians are regular smokers (but the figure is 33 per cent if you're talking about males aged between 25 and 34). Nielsen reports that Australians spend $750 million a year at the supermarket on Winfield cigarettes and also on Longbeach, and more than $500 million on Peter Jackson and on Horizon. In convenience stores, the top sellers are Winfield Blue and Peter Jackson Rich.

The national sauce. I could find no reference to tomato sauce among Nielsen's top 100 selling brands, which might support the complaint that Kevin Rudd's "Fair shake of the sauce bottle" was an outdated image. But on the website of the Japanese-owned food company Cerebos, we learn: "Fountain Tomato sauce is found in more kitchens, cupboards and fridges than any other sauce brand -- and Aussie households consume an impressive 6.8 million litres of Fountain Tomato sauce each year." Since Fountain claims to have 22.7 per cent of the market, we may conclude that Australians consume 30 million litres of the red stuff a year, or 1.4 litres per person.

The national dinner. As we noted, it's spag bol, usually made with San Remo pasta and Leggo tomato paste. Slightly less often it's Old El Paso Mexican. If we have a steak, it's served with McCain frozen peas.

And once a week the average household orders out. For the title of Australia's favourite takeaway, it's a battle between pizza, fried rice, Pad Thai noodles, and butter chicken. Further research is clearly required. It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.

Go to Comments to discuss what you think are the national dishes of Australia.

• by David Dale in whoweare-index at 06:02 AM
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The Who We Are update: Week 26

To learn why MasterChef is bad news for Malcolm Turnbull, go to The Tribal Mind.
To determine what is Australia's National Snack, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 11 am Monday
Seven will think twice before devoting a night to rugby union again. As of Saturday morning, the three networks were neck and neck in audience share for the week. As of Sunday morning, Seven found itself in the rare position of coming third. Here's how the week worked out: Nine 26.3 per cent of the prime time audience, Ten 25.8 per cent, Seven 25.5, ABC 17.6, SBS 4.8. If NIne had not had the State of Origin on Wednesday, it would have come third -- a bad omen for this week.

Here's Pay TV's account of itself: "Subscription TV won its 21st week of 2009 and in doing so ensured it has had more viewers than any other network across the first half of 2009. Between 6am and midnight in week 26, STV channels accounted for 21.8% of all metropolitan viewing; 21.4% of all regional viewing and 56.9% of all viewing in subscription TV homes. In the year-to-date, this gave STV channels 59.4% of viewing in STV homes, 21.8% of all regional viewing and 23.2% of all metropolitan viewing (well ahead of the closest broadcast network with 21.7% of all viewing).

"Live: NRL Sharks v Broncos on FOX Sports topped the week for subscription TV with 293,000 viewers and 270,000 people watched Live: AFL Fremantle v Geelong, giving the network its second biggest audience for AFL this year. In other sport programs, the Wallabies/France test, Live: Rugby Union: Test Match had 177,000 viewers, Live: AFL: On the Couch had 105,000 viewers and 83,000 people watched Live: Tennis: Wimbledon: Day 4 on Thursday night (all on FOX Sports).

"Australia's Next Top Model on FOX8 was watched by 219,000 people; TV1'S Cash Trivia Challenge had a year-to-date best viewership of 104,000 people and Law & Order on W was watched by 90,000 viewers. The Crime & Investigation premiere of CIA: Murder of Innocence: Sian Kingi was watched by 88,000 people, Drake & Josh on Nickelodeon had a year-to-date biggest audience with 85,000 people, Nostradamus: 2012 premiered on History Channel with 83,000 viewers and Showbiz on Sky News had its best result of the year with 81,000 people."

What Australia watched, week ending 28/6/2009
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 STATE OF ORIGIN RUGBY LEAGUE NSW V QLD 2ND - MATCH Nine 2,134,000 825,000 332,000 815,000 69,000 94,000
2 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,934,000 556,000 615,000 317,000 202,000 245,000
3 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,757,000 510,000 579,000 273,000 175,000 220,000
4 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 1,666,000 461,000 576,000 261,000 168,000 201,000
5 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,664,000 430,000 376,000 410,000 156,000 292,000
6 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,618,000 438,000 445,000 324,000 181,000 230,000
7 NCIS Ten 1,586,000 434,000 451,000 290,000 196,000 214,000
8 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,575,000 485,000 524,000 298,000 184,000 84,000
9 THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE Seven 1,483,000 405,000 424,000 287,000 168,000 199,000
10 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,471,000 416,000 429,000 343,000 112,000 171,000
11 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,428,000 393,000 389,000 293,000 151,000 203,000
12 RECRUITS Ten 1,364,000 403,000 415,000 231,000 132,000 184,000
13 SUNDAY NIGHT Seven 1,351,000 402,000 341,000 306,000 120,000 181,000
14 THE ZOO Seven 1,341,000 431,000 352,000 264,000 121,000 172,000
15 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,322,000 369,000 404,000 209,000 156,000 183,000
16 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,322,000 359,000 402,000 256,000 130,000 174,000
17 SEA PATROL Nine 1,314,000 388,000 367,000 251,000 141,000 167,000

• by David Dale in whoweare-index at 04:55 PM
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The Tribal Mind: The URST jump of your dreams

by David Dale
If you're a writer for television, there are three cardinal sins you commit at grave risk to your career: 1) you make your series jump the shark; 2) you resort to the dream excuse; and 3) you burst the URST (where URST stands for UnResolved Sexual Tension).

All three sins have been committed in the TV season which finishes next week (the season's end traditionally being marked by the final episode of Desperate Housewives). And this year a fourth writers' sin joined the list: giving your show a Melanoma Moment.

Jumping the shark means introducing a desperate gimmick to bring audiences back to a series that is likely to be axed -- as in, getting Fonzie to put on water skis and leap over a finny fish in a 1977 episode of Happy Days. A classic example is when the writers let off a bomb where the main characters are gathered, leaving viewers wondering who will survive to next season (a trick pioneered in 1974 by Number 96, already famous for its gay kiss and bare breasts). Last month, in the season final of Lost, an atomic bomb went off on the island, potentially altering history and killing half the characters. Perhaps they'll get out of it next season by saying "It was just Kate's dream - all the time travelling never happened and we're still stuck in 2005".

The most outrageous example of this trick happened in the 1980s series Dallas. A character called Bobby Ewing was killed off at the end of one season and brought back a year later with the explanation that the entire season had been a nightmare of his sweetheart Pam, who had apparently slept for 31 episodes.

No writers would have the nerve to do that again, would they? Well it happened in the final episode of the US version of Life On Mars last month. We thought the detective had been mysteriously shifted from the year 2008 to the year 1973 but it turned out he was an astronaut dreaming it all in suspended animation betwen earth and Mars in the year 2038. That was excusable given the series had been cancelled and the writers had to come up with a fast and final explanation.

There's no such excuse for the writers of House. In the latest season final, they too dragged out the old dream routine, except they didn't call it a dream, they called it a hallucination. No doubt their excuse was that it saved them from committing sin number three - bursting the URST.

For the last two seasons, House has been losing viewers, because it became repetitive. The only thing going for it has been the unresolved sexual tension between Greg House and his boss Lisa Cuddy.

URST has been a plot engine for many hits --
David and Maddie in Moonlighting
Laura and Diver Dan in SeaChange
Booth and Brennan in Bones
Niles and Daphne in Frasier
Elizabeth and Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice
the Doctor and Rose in Doctor Who
John and Cameron in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Fran and Mr Sheffield in The Nanny
Blair and Chuck in Gossip Girl
Josh and Donna in The West Wing.
(Go to Comments to nominate other examples).

At a certain point in any series, the writers get bored with characters flirting and fighting, and put them in bed together, ending the suspense. The most notorious URST-burst happened in Lois and Clark in 1996. Joining the title characters killed not only the series but the careers of the lead actors. Teri Hatcher, who played Lois Lane, took nine years to find fame again (in Desperate Housewives). Dean Cain, who played Clark Kent, never has.

Clearly the House writers didn't want that fate, so they showed their hero seeming to get together with Cuddy, but ended the episode with him being admitted to a mental hospital for having imagined the whole thing. They didn't burst the URST, but they did draw on the dream, and in the process, they jumped the shark.

And we've run out of space to discuss the melanoma moment. Go to Comments to anticipate next week's discussion.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 04:31 PM
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WHO WE ARE: Holly, holly, holly, oi, oi, oi

To discuss the Most Memorable Moments in Australian television, go to The Tribal Mind.
To learn what makes Australians sick, go to Wealthy and wise.

A column about Australia by David Dale, published in The Sun-Herald 14/6/2009
Americans are notorious for their ignorance of world geography. But it would seem that the screenwriters of Hollywood, whose careers depend on knowing what their audience can and cannot understand, have decided that Australia is now part of the cultural literacy of America. Consider this evidence:

1. In the season final of House last month, Jesse Spencer, the Melbourne-born actor who plays the surgeon Robert Chase, offered this vision of a tenth wedding anniversary to the girl he's going to marry: "Three kids -- they spend their summers in Melbourne and have annoying accents. It's disgusting how happy we are." Nobody felt any need to explain what or where Melbourne was.

2. In the trailer for a new drama series called The Deep End, Ben Lawson, the Brisbane-born actor who plays lawyer Liam Priory, says this when his colleagues enter his office and discover him in his underpants: "Don't you bloody knock? My office, mate. Sorry about the wedding tackle. I was just getting changed for court." Lawson's character was British in the pilot episode, but has been rewritten as an Australian-born Cambridge graduate.

3. In an episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles shown on Fox8 two weeks ago, Stephanie Jacobsen, the Hong Kong born and Sydney educated actress who plays future warrior Jesse Flores, told an American comrade that in Perth she had been eating rabbits. When he asks "Rabbits? I thought Australia was all wombats and wallabies and stuff", Jesse replies: "No. Some wacker brought them over in the 1800s and we've been overrun with them ever since. We tried everything to kill the things. In the 1950s we even introduced a virus to wipe them out. Ten years later Australia was up to its eyeballs in rabbits again."

Her short history of the rabbit plague served as a useful metaphor for the way human beings introduced robots to the earth and then lost control of them - which is the central theme of the Terminator series.

These three occurrences are not coincidence. They suggest that finally Hollywood has decided to let Australians be Australian.

Gone are the days when Perth-born Melissa George needed to sound American to be a spy in Alias, a patient in In Treatment and a bisexual intern in Grey's Anatomy; when Launceston-born Simon Baker had to adopt an American accent to become The Mentalist; when Brisbane-born Miranda Otto and Perth-born Frances O'Connor needed American accents to play lustful businesswomen in Cashmere Mafia; when Adelaide-born Anthony LaPaglia and Sydney-born Poppy Montgomery had to speak American to be cops in Without A Trace and when Rupert Murdoch's Melbourne-born niece Anna Torv had to speak American to be a cop in Fringe; and, going back much further, when the voices of American actors had to be dubbed over the Australian accents in the original Mad Max movie.

We must pay tribute to three pioneers who helped transform the prevailing attitude: Olivia Newton-John, whose Sandy in Grease (1978) was a highschooler who happened to be Australian; Heath Ledger, whose Patrick in Ten Things I Hate About You (1999) was a highschooler who happened to be Australian; and Geoffrey Rush, whose Donovan in Intolerable Cruelty (2003) was a soap opera producer who happened to be Australian.

There's a way to go yet. Can you think of any international movie in which Cate Blanchett, Hugo Weaving, Nicole Kidman, Eric Bana, Toni Colette, Russell Crowe, Abbie Cornish or Hugh Jackman were able to speak with their normal accents? From now on, they might.

Go to Comments to discuss other Australian pioneers.

• by David Dale in whoweare-index at 03:28 AM
• Comments (55)

The Tribal Mind: Shock to the top

To learn how Hollywood finally discovered Australia, go to Who We Are.

by David Dale
YOU be the judge. Was The Chaser's much lamented satire on sentimental fundraisers significant enough to warrant a place in the top 20 list of Australia's Most Memorable Media Moments?

In favour of its inclusion is the fact that the ABC shut down The Chaser's War On Everything for two weeks and demoted the Head of TV Comedy for her failure to censor the sketch. Against its inclusion is the fact that it was not original. As Media Watch pointed out last Monday, the Chaser team copied a sketch from a show called The Mansion on Foxtel's Comedy Channel ("No trip to Disneyland for you, kid, but 50 per cent off your next set of prints from Photo Plus").

And if we were to place it in the all time top 20, that would give the Chaser team two gurnseys, because their 2007 APEC stunt already appears in number 13 spot. Not that there's a particular rule against any program double-dipping. Number 96 and Big Brother each make two appearances. But the over-representation issue is something to bear in mind as you ponder which of these shocking, stirring and inspiring incidents might be replaced by the Make-A-Wish sketch:

Australia's Most Memorable Media Moments
1 Prime Minister Bob Hawke cries as he confesses to being an alcoholic and an adulterer on Clive Robertson 's Newsworld (1989).
2 Graham Kennedy is banned from live television for doing crow imitations that start with an "f" (1975).
3 Joe Hasham performs TV's first gay kiss, at a time when homosexuality is a crime, on Number 96 (1974).
4 Steve Irwin holds his baby while feeding a crocodile (2004).
5 Offended by an item about kangaroo genitals, Channel Nine boss Kerry Packer pulls off Doug Mulray's Naughtiest Home Videos halfway through the first episode (1997).
6 Big Brother contestant Merlin protests detention of boat people by holding up a sign "Free th refugees" (2004).
7 Channel Ten toughens its censorship procedures after contestant John exposes his penis during Big Brother (2005).
8 A Current Affair host Tracey Grimshaw tells viewers she was "absolutely miserable" when she found out chef Gordon Ramsay had called her a lesbian and an "old ugly pig" (2009).
9 The Governor-General, Sir John Kerr, is drunk at the Melbourne Cup (1977).
10 Singer Normie Rowe and broadcaster Ron Casey fight over republicanism on The Midday Show (1991).
11 Ken Shorter puts his hand up Rowena Wallace's skirt in You Can't See Round Corners (1967)
12 A reporter resigns from Today Tonight after a story about a nursing home patient being kept in chains is revealed to be fictitious (2007).
13 The Chaser team show footage of their arrest for breaching security at the APEC summit (2007).
14 The Block features gay renovators (2003).
15 Richard Carleton drops dead while reporting from the Beaconsfield mine rescue site (2006).
16 Number 96 shows TV's first bare breasts (1973).
17 A Catholic bishop urges viewers to sell their Ampol shares as a protest against Ampol's sponsorship of The Mavis Bramston Show, which has satirised organised religion (1965).
18 Bandstand host Brian Henderson, 35, is revealed to be dating 16 year old Mardi Ozoux (1966). They marry when she turns 18.
19 60 Minutes pays former flight attendant Lisa Robertson $60,000 to tell the tale of her toilet tryst with actor Ralph Fiennes and her possible pregnancy (2007).
20 Mercedes Corby wins a defamation case against Today Tonight, which claimed she had smuggled marijuana (2008).

Go to Comments to suggest any other essentials for the Top 20, and where the latest Chaser fuss should go.

• by David Dale in The Tribal Mind at 05:54 AM
• Comments (11)

The Who We Are update: Week 25

To discuss URST (UnResolved Sexual Tension) in television, and how it gets burst, go to The Tribal Mind.
To learn how Hollywood finally discovered Australia, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 11am Monday
It couldn't last, of course. After Seven showed a pile of football on Friday night, Channel Ten had to relinquish its leadership in audience share. But its strong showing in the first three days of the week, mainly due to Masterchef, meant that the final prime time averages were: Seven 27.0 per cent of the audience, Ten 25.8 per cent, Nine 25.2, ABC 17.1, SBS 5.0.

Nine's only good news was a modest success for its new show Random Acts of Kindness. This week Nine will do better because of Wednesday's biffo, but for the whole ratings year, it's now a real race between Nine and Ten for second spot.

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "378,000 fans saw the Socceroos defeat Japan 2-1 in FOX Sports' coverage of Live: Football: World Cup Qualifier Aust v Japan, the final game of the football World Cup qualifying series for the Australian team. On the previous night, Australia's Next Top Model on FOX8 drew a season record 235,000 people (327,000 people including the Plus2 audience).

"In other programming this week, 292,000 viewers watched Live: NRL Eels v Wests Tigers; 247,000 people saw Live: AFL Adelaide v North Melbourne and the Live: AFL Pre Game Show on Sunday afternoon had its best result for 2009 with 209,000 people (all on FOX Sports). Sky Race Day on Sky Racing on Saturday also had a year-to-date biggest audience with 84,000 viewers. NCIS on TV1 was watched by 121,000 people; Eastenders on UKTV had a year-to-date high of 98,000 viewers and 10,000 BC premiered on Movie One with 96,000 viewers. Hannah Montana on Disney Channel was watched by 85,000 people; Selling Houses Australia on Lifestyle was seen by 80,000 viewers and Man vs. Wild: Will Ferrell Special premiered on Discovery Channel with 77,000 viewers.

"In week 25, subscription TV was the number one source of television across Australia for the twentieth week of the year. Between 6am and midnight, STV channels accounted for 21.7% of all metropolitan viewing; 21.7% of all regional viewing and 57.6% of all viewing in subscription TV homes."

What Australia watched, week ending June 20
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,962,000 535,000 679,000 292,000 227,000 230,000
2 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,791,000 434,000 445,000 446,000 210,000 256,000
3 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,702,000 513,000 576,000 228,000 156,000 229,000
4 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,625,000 520,000 533,000 301,000 161,000 110,000
5 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 1,619,000 480,000 524,000 258,000 164,000 193,000
6 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,618,000 450,000 444,000 312,000 185,000 228,000
7 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,590,000 420,000 498,000 290,000 162,000 221,000
8 NCIS Ten 1,559,000 408,000 451,000 295,000 196,000 208,000
9 THE ZOO Seven 1,487,000 445,000 430,000 266,000 154,000 193,000
10 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,461,000 404,000 407,000 295,000 149,000 205,000
11 60 MINUTES Nine 1,436,000 426,000 442,000 313,000 115,000 141,000
12 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,410,000 419,000 404,000 251,000 153,000 183,000
13 MERLIN Ten 1,395,000 416,000 367,000 287,000 129,000 196,000
14 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,377,000 426,000 387,000 216,000 175,000 174,000
15 RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS Nine 1,359,000 424,000 463,000 264,000 124,000 84,000
Continued here

• by David Dale in whoweare-index at 09:36 AM
• Comments (57)

The Who We Are update: Week 24

To discuss the Most Memorable Moments in Australian television, and whether The Chaser is one of them, go to The Tribal Mind.
To learn how Hollywood finally discovered Australia, go to Who We Are.

The ratings race, updated 10 am Monday
At the moment, the commercial stations are closer in audience share than they have been in years. Thanks mainly to Masterchef, Channel Ten averaged 24.5 per cent of the prime time audience last week, while Nine got 25.5 and Seven got 27.6 (ABC 17.4, SBS 5.0). That's a portrait of how the year will proceed: Seven static, Nine continuing its slow decline, and Ten booming (but not quite enough to knock Nine off No. 2 spot).

This was Pay TV's account of itself: "In week 24, FOX Sports' coverage of Live: Football: World Cup Qualifier Aust v Bahrain helped STV become the number one source of television across Australia for the eleventh week in a row. STV channels accounted for 22.9% of all metropolitan viewing between 6am and midnight, were 22.4% of all regional viewing and 59.3% of all viewing in subscription TV homes.

"The Socceroos match, which the Australian team won 2-0, was watched by 326,000 people on Wednesday night. In other sport, Live: NRL Titans v Dragons was seen by 315,000 people and Live: AFL West Coast v Geelong had 198,000 viewers. Live: Tennis: French Open Men's Final, in which Roger Federer finally achieved his goal of winning the clay court competition and matching Pete Sampras' open record, was watched by 132,000 people (all on FOX Sports).

"On Tuesday night on FOX8, Australia's Next Top Model had its best result of the current season with 234,000 viewers at 7.30pm while the new Joss Whedon show Dollhouse premiered at 8.30pm with 120,000 viewers. TV1's Cash Trivia Challenge achieved a year-to-date biggest audience with 96,000 people as did Eastenders on UKTV with 93,000 viewers and Cold Case on W with 89,000 viewers. Destroyed in Seconds on Discovery channel was watched by 74,000 people, Secret Millionaire on Lifestyle had an audience of 70,000 people and 67,000 subscribers saw Blue's Clues on Nick Jr."

What Australia watched, week ending June 14
Description Total Sydney Melbourne Brisbane Adelaide Perth
1 SEVEN NEWS - SUN Seven 1,767,000 482,000 467,000 376,000 177,000 265,000
2 SEVEN NEWS Seven 1,690,000 488,000 446,000 332,000 184,000 241,000
3 TALKIN' 'BOUT YOUR GENERATION Ten 1,647,000 465,000 552,000 254,000 165,000 210,000
4 NCIS RPT Ten 1,564,000 398,000 460,000 299,000 170,000 236,000
5 SEVEN NEWS - SAT Seven 1,558,000 422,000 478,000 333,000 174,000 151,000
6 THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE Seven 1,531,000 430,000 500,000 295,000 137,000 170,000
7 TODAY TONIGHT Seven 1,482,000 406,000 404,000 306,000 164,000 201,000
8 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA Ten 1,474,000 427,000 485,000 223,000 168,000 171,000
9 THE ZOO Seven 1,470,000 445,000 440,000 265,000 153,000 168,000
10 SPICKS AND SPECKS ABC1 1,447,000 461,000 435,000 244,000 142,000 164,000
11 MASTERCHEF AUSTRALIA - CHALLENGE Ten 1,427,000 381,000 470,000 205,000 165,000 206,000
12 NINE NEWS SUNDAY Nine 1,407,000 392,000 492,000 229,000 165,000 129,000
13 RPA Nine 1,375,000 415,000 404,000 276,000 143,000 137,000
14 GETAWAY Nine 1,374,000 348,000 446,000 292,000 136,000 152,000
15 FIND MY FAMILY Seven 1,370,000 414,000 416,000 225,000 141,000 175,000
16 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS Seven 1,362,000 421,000 370,000 209,000 181,000 181,000
Continued here

• by David Dale in whoweare-index at 07:53 PM
• Comments (48)