The Sun-Herald

Aussie Joe kicks a red-card record

THE Aussie-born, AIS-educated, Croatian World Cup anti-hero Joe Simunic has set a new low in red card statistics.

Aussie Joe, bizarrely yellow-carded three times during last year's World Cup showdown between Australia and Croatia, was sent off playing for Hertha Berlin for the third time this season - a Bundesliga record. Simmo copped the latest card for a high-flying kung-fu kick on Werder Bremen's Christian Schulz that prompted a four-game ban that will stretch into next season. Check it out for yourself at youtube, and shake your head.

Er, thanks Jorge
JORGE Valdano is a former Real Madrid and Argentina star and the Spanish club's recent sporting director. It seems he's also what Mrs Ellis, Parrot's old English literature teacher, would have described as a dab hand at critical appraisal. But no fan of Liverpool or Chelsea. "Football is made up of subjective feeling, of suggestion," he wrote in Spanish paper Marca of the Champs League semi-final between the two English teams. "In that, Anfield is unbeatable. Put a shit hanging from a stick in the middle of this passionate, crazy stadium and there are people who will tell you it's a work of art. It's not: it's a shit hanging from a stick." Triple A - straight to the top of the class!

Fergie's whine
NO-fan-of-Liverpool Champions League preview, by Alex Ferguson: "I told [Milan manager] Carlo [Ancelotti] at the end of our semi-final there's no way he can now not win this competition. He gave me a magnificent bottle of wine but I immediately told him there is no point in giving such a wonderful gift if he then fails in the final. In fact, I told him I would only drink his wine once I see him lifting the Champions Cup."

Straight from the heart
NO-fan-of-Chelsea, English Premier League review, by Adriano Galliani, Milan vice-president: "[Chelsea's Andriy Shevchenko] remains in our hearts. He and his wife have been invited to Athens to follow the Champions League final."

A Ruud interruption
THE Santiago Bernabeu was bouncing with championship celebrations last Sunday night. Alas, not for Real Madrid. As David Beckham held court with Spanish media after Real beat Sevilla, Ruud van Nistelrooy (pictured), ran up to shout "Manchester United! Manchester United!" before disappearing just as quickly. Both were former heroes at Old Trafford before being chased away by Alex Ferguson.

Quick (eh, long) word with ...
ASIAN Football Confederation President Mohamed Bin Hamman, not happy with Manchester United's planned Malaysian tour, scheduled to clash with the Asian Cup: "We did not organise our competition in March, April, or February when their league is very busy and there are some players from Asia playing in those leagues. We did not want the players to be taken out of the leagues to participate for the national associations. We can do it actually. The FIFA calendar can allow this to happen if we insist, but we didn't want to do it and we organised our competition in the most inconvenient time for us, climate-wise. Some countries have typhoons, some countries have heavy rain or high temperature or high humidity. This is the chance for our fans in Asia to focus only on Asian football."

Agony on the box
MAN U fans nervously watched last Sunday's draw between Arsenal and Chelsea: a Blues win would have reignited the title race while any other result would make United champs. United boss Alex Ferguson was no different, unable to avoid sneaking a peak at unfolding events in London. "I went to see my grandson play in the morning because he had a cup final of his own," Ferg detailed. "They won their league and we won our league, so it's been a great double. Then I went home and watched the racing on telly and when that finished I had nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs, so I watched the last 15 minutes from the Emirates Stadium. I was in agony. My heart was in my mouth."

PREMIERSHIP SURVIVAL IS WORTH $68m
SUNDAY unrolls Wigan away at Sheffield United while West Ham attempt to squeeze a draw from Man U in a three-way kickaround for Premier League survival. Neil Warnock, Sheffield United's manager, phoned Wigan counterpart Paul Jewell at the start of the season to ask tips on Premier League survival. The phones have been quiet this past week. There's more to relegation than status. Premier League clubs will each receive about $68 million as their slice of international TV rights next season. Championship clubs will each net around $2.5 million.