The Sun-Herald

I'll fly solo, thanks

As an activity best embarked upon alone, travelling's not as obvious a pick as, say, shaving your legs, eyebrow plucking or listening to Korean boy bands. But it should be.

As I write this in the sealed tranquility of a Hong Kong hotel room, many things are enjoyable: the clean sheets, a bed the size of a cruise ship, the bowl of chocolates that is ceaselessly replenished no matter how many times a day I empty it. But the best part? I am utterly alone in a big city that isn't home.
This is work, but I love solo holidays too. I've always maintained that a 'get away from it all' escape is no such thing unless you leave the boyfriend, husband, kids, friends, entourage, whatever behind - because they're a major part of the All you're supposed to be getting away from.
It's always been this way. While everyone else was wagging school to gather and smoke, I was jumping on buses and riding them to wherever they went, by myself. I wasn't running away - I was always home for tea. I just liked being alone and in motion and somewhere different. It provided an intoxicating mix of purpose, secrecy, freedom and rebellion.
It's no coincidence that the places I recall in the most vivid detail are those I have visited alone. As a solitary traveller, you engage with your surroundings so much more; you're a sponge for every scrap of information, alive to the sights, sounds, smells and conversations around you. You look harder, see things as they are and not through the prism of whichever relationship you might have brought with you. With someone else along for the ride, your destination becomes forever the place where you argued or fell in love or proposed or partied. It's a backdrop.
Of course that has its own charms - I've had unforgettable romantic holidays (although I probably won't be having any more once my boyfriend reads this) and fantastic family gatherings in foreign climes. But travel for travel's sake is best as a solitary pursuit.
I know that memories of places I experienced alone have a special depth and clarity because there was no-one else there to put a layer between me and the adventure.
In company and with a shared itinerary, I wouldn't have absorbed every corner of Istanbul's Topkapi Palace, lingered on a beach on Oahu's North Shore long enough for a seal to clamber out of the ocean and flop down nearby or retraced my steps several times in Mongkok earlier today just to inhale a particularly weird aroma. Nor would I have spent one whole, glorious morning just gazing up at the towering kahili (those Hawaiian ceremonial staffs which look like mammoth feather dusters) in their room at Honolulu's Bishop's Museum as group after group passed by because there was something about them that just rooted me to the spot. Solo leisure travel can be that sort of aimless, stream-of-consciousness travel: just wandering and watching.
I have friends who've been married for over a decade but still take holidays separately. "We need space from each other," she says. 'But we want to do something active with the space. Besides, we argue when we travel."
Which is another crucial reason to travel alone. Find a couple who've travelled together and you'll find people who will forever associate some harmless, distant landmark with gruesome scenes. I have one friend for whom the Eiffel Tower is permanently out of bounds. She had the argument which led directly to her last divorce right underneath the world's most romantic erection.
Travel is considered useful as a great test of a relationship, and I just can't see the logic in that. I've always thought it best not to test things that seem to be surviving perfectly adequately without being tested. And if the relationship's wobbly already, you'd have to be mad to take the show on the road. That's like dragging a dying man out of bed and forcing him to do your shopping to see if it makes him feel better.
For a female, solo travel is still an empowering, liberating act. And with the travel industry finally understanding that girls are on the move and on their own, the whole experience has become more rewarding. More companies are shedding the single room supplement and designing trips just for solo women.
Sure, every now and then you become a target for the local lothario but at least he's usually a pest with an interesting accent. And one of my frequent solo-travelling buddies swears by sudden, loud barking as an effective deterrent in any country. (Haven't tried it - let me know how it goes if you do.)
I believe solo travel has safety advantages, too. You're more vigilant when you're alone. When you're with others you can slip easily into complacency and carelessness. So far (touching the wood of the hotel room desk) I've only lost valuables when I've had someone else with me.
I've talked to more people and met more new friends on this last trip than I ever would have if I'd imported my own company. I've enjoyed what every solo traveller loves most; the freedom of being known by absolutely no-one, then deciding who you want to meet and for how long.
Every solo trip is a little reinvention. You're a blank slate each time. It's also a new romance; an encounter between you and a place you haven't met yet, or maybe one you've flirted with or even loved before. Either way, three's a crowd.